Chapter Text
Ongsa and Sun don’t talk about the texts. But the next time Ongsa sees her at school, Sun meets her eyes and gives her a small smile.
Ongsa smiles back tentatively, her heart skipping a beat. But Sun doesn’t come over to talk to her, so Ongsa tries not to read too much into it, tries not to get her hopes up.
Instead, she throws herself into the planning for the meteor shower. She ends up spending a lot of time with her sister, hammering out the logistics for the trip. The transportation is the easiest part – they’re able to lease buses from a company that the school has contracted with many times before. But there’s not much precedent for S-TAR hosting a camping trip, so it takes a lot more work to figure out where to order food that they can eat at a cookout and rent tents and other camping gear, a lot of calling different companies and comparing quotes and attempting to bargain them down for a group rate.
Well, Alpha does most of those parts, thankfully, while Ongsa stays in charge of the documentation and research. It gives her a new appreciation for her sister’s work ethic and tenacity. Even though having conversations with vendors doesn’t give Alpha the same kind of anxiety that Ongsa would inevitably have, it’s still clearly draining, especially on top of all of Alpha’s other responsibilities.
Somehow, even with all that weight on her shoulders, Alpha still notices that something’s off with Ongsa. “Are you okay?”
They’re in the living room that night; their parents are off on another business trip, and Aylin had texted saying that she was having dinner out, which was unexpected, so Alpha and Ongsa have been working right through the meal, papers strewn over their floor while they eat right out of the takeout boxes.
Ongsa blinks up at her. “Huh? What do you mean?”
“You seem preoccupied,” says Alpha. “You haven’t tried to sneak Latte any food at all, even though he’s lying right next to you.”
Ongsa gives a start and looks at her dog, who is, in fact, gazing up at her, eyes pleading. “Oh! Latte, I’m so sorry!” she cries, immediately grabbing a piece of chicken and feeding it to him as his tail thumps on the floor.
When she looks back at Alpha, her sister’s expression is amused.
“Sorry,” Ongsa says again, contrite.
Alpha snorts. “You don’t need to apologize. But it’s unlike you. Is there something going on? You’ve been really down lately. And you’ve seemed a little better this week, but... not completely better.”
Ongsa winces. It was only a matter of time before Alpha asked. But she doesn’t know where to start.
“Ongsa,” Alpha says after Ongsa stays silent, “I get that we’re not as close as we used to be before I left Phuket. But… you can tell me anything. You know that, right?”
“I know,” says Ongsa, trying not to sound miserable about it.
“I’d really like to get to know you again,” Alpha says, her voice soft. “I’d like us to be close again, if you want to be.”
And how is Ongsa supposed to say no to that? Of course she wants them to be close again. She’d missed Alpha so much when she first moved to Krungthep, and when it came time for Ongsa herself to follow, the prospect of spending more time with her sister, of reconnecting with her, was one of the biggest draws, amidst all the other stressful parts.
But that doesn’t make it any easier to say. She can’t look Alpha in the eyes, so she looks at Latte instead, mumbling, “Would you… be upset if I told you that I had a crush on… a girl?”
She feels like she can’t breathe after saying it, her fingers clenching in Latte’s fur. But then there’s a hand slipping over hers.
“It would be hypocritical of me if I was,” Alpha says lightly, squeezing Ongsa’s hand, “considering I’m bisexual.”
Ongsa’s head jerks up to stare at Alpha. “You – you are?” she stammers, completely stunned.
Alpha is smiling, rueful. “Yeah. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before. I actually wasn’t sure how you would take it,” she admits.
“Do Mae and Pa know?” Ongsa asks, because it’s been one of the biggest things on her mind. How their parents might take the prospect of Ongsa being queer.
Alpha shakes her head. “Not yet. You know what our family is like, we don’t really talk about these things very often. I always figured I’d tell them if I got a girlfriend, because it would be easier to show them an actual relationship than just announce my sexuality.” She tilts her head a little. “But I can definitely tell them if it would help you tell them. We could even do it together.”
Ongsa’s head is spinning with all this new information. But the prospect of that sends a jolt of fear through her. “No!” she blurts out, then cringes. “I mean. Maybe someday. But I…don’t think I’m ready for that yet.”
Alpha nods, accepting that without question. “Just let me know if you change your mind.”
They sit in silence for a few minutes. Then Alpha says, “So…there’s a girl? Does she like you back?”
Right. Ongsa hasn’t even gotten to the harder confessions – to telling Alpha about Sun and “Earth” and the complete mess she’d made of things.
But Alpha’s revelation was so surprising that, somehow, it’s wiped some of the heaviness from Ongsa’s chest, has made it easier for Ongsa to breathe. She tells Alpha the whole story, slowly, with a lot of stops and starts, but she’s still able to get it all out without breaking into tears.
And Alpha stays patient and gentle the whole way through, even though she would have every right to judge Ongsa for her behavior, for the way Ongsa had lied and hurt Sun. Instead, after Ongsa’s done, she considers the story for a moment and then says, “Ongsa…can I give you a hug?”
That, somehow, is what makes Ongsa’s eyes fill with tears.
“…yes,” she says, half-choked, and then her sister’s arms are around her, and Ongsa can just let go.
Alpha holds her for a long time, even after Ongsa’s stopped sniffing and getting Alpha’s shirt wet, just stroking Ongsa’s back and hair like she used to do when they were really little – back when they’d shared a bedroom in Phuket, Ongsa would climb into Alpha’s bed after she had nightmares, and Alpha would hold her just like this. It makes Ongsa’s heart warm, and it feels just as comforting as it did then.
They only break apart when Latte’s cold, wet nose comes between them, snuffling as he, too, tries to get in on the hug. “Latte!” Alpha scolds, but she’s chuckling, and it makes Ongsa giggle too. She gives Latte a squeeze as well so that he doesn’t feel left out.
“I think we can be done with work for the evening,” Alpha says after that. “C’mon, let’s put the food away.”
It’s only when they’re in the kitchen that Ongsa remembers another question she has. “P’Alpha,” she says, “is it really only hypothetical for you? Or is there someone you like too?”
“Oh, I don’t have time for crushes right now,” Alpha laughs. “I’ve got too many other things to worry about.”
She sounds entirely cheerful about it, but it makes Ongsa frown, especially after bearing witness recently to how heavy the weight on Alpha’s shoulders is. Maybe she needs to do more to help Alpha carry that load so that Alpha can also just… be a teenager, like her.
For now, she just says, “If that changes, you know you can tell me anything too, right, P’Alpha?”
Alpha smiles at her warmly. “Yes, Ongsa. I know.”
*
The news of Sun’s heartbreak has made it through S-TAR, with very few details other than that Sun had fallen for a boy online and things hadn’t worked out. It’s a bigger piece of news than Ongsa would have expected, because despite Sun’s popularity, Ongsa learns that Sun’s never had a romance before – at least, not one that any of her classmates have known about. And she’s rarely been asked out either, since other students had assumed that with her outgoing personality, she would go ahead and confess to anyone she was interested in.
Fortunately, the gossip about Sun dies down after a couple weeks, replaced with a topic of conversation that affects a lot more people: the meteor shower as a site for prospective dates. As the trip nears, more and more students approach their crushes to ask if they want to watch the shower together.
One morning, a flock of four boys from the year below them make their way into Ongsa’s homeroom. Ongsa’s been engrossed in her book this morning, reading a science fiction novel that Kru Nida had recommended, but her entire body goes on high alert at the way the boys blush and nudge each other as they approach the table where Sun and her friends sit.
“P’Sun, P’Vi, P’Dear, P’Kongkwan,” says one of the boys, clearly the leader of the group. “We were wondering… if you wanted to watch the meteor shower with us?”
Vi and Dear immediately perk up, and even the usually-shy Kongkwan looks pleased, albeit a little embarrassed. But it’s a testament to how strong their friendship is that they all look to Sun for an answer.
Sun is clearly stunned, staring up at the boys, her mouth dropping open. And then, Sun’s eyes shift to Ongsa, and Ongsa’s heart stops.
It’s probably just a few seconds, but it feels like they hold each other’s gaze for a long time. Ongsa can see the hesitation in Sun’s face, the desire to not embarrass their juniors or disappoint her friends warring with the uncertainty about how it’ll make Ongsa feel. It makes Ongsa ache inside, Sun’s unselfishness continuing to cause her pain.
Finally, Sun breaks her gaze, looking back at the boys with a tentative smile. “Thank you, N’Book,” she says quietly. “Yes, we’ll watch the shower with you.”
Ongsa drops her eyes back to her book, even as tears swim in her vision, her stomach feeling like it’s been hollowed out. How can this continue to hurt so much? How can she make it stop?
She manages to not let the tears fall, keeps pretending to read until the boys are gone, until Kru Nida comes in to start their class. That’s about the best Ongsa thinks she can manage right now, as her heart feels like it’s breaking all over again.