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Tommy was in the way, and as much as Buck enjoyed him being near, while he was cooking was not one of those times. He was trying to be helpful, at least, but Buck was not used to someone trying to be useful when they were bigger than him. Chris, at least, was smaller and Buck was constantly aware of where he was so that he could work around him. Buck had bumped into Tommy three times already when trying to get into the drawers of his kitchen for utensils.
He turned to grab a pot from one of the cupboards to find Tommy there, again, and he narrowly avoided colliding their bodies together. He put his hands on Tommy’s arms and sighed.
“Okay, I love you, I do, but get out of my kitchen,” he said hurriedly. He kept his tone even, so it didn’t feel like a snap against Tommy’s skin. He didn’t want to hurt Tommy or scare him away just because he was a little annoyed.
Tommy didn’t immediately move, just stared at him for a long moment before he moved further into Buck’s space. He grinned before he said, voice low as if they weren’t the only two people in the apartment, “you love me.”
“Don’t make a big thing of it, alright?” Buck said, face flushing hot and he was sure the bright red of his blush was unattractive. Tommy lifted his chin up again, the way he had since their first kiss, except he didn’t kiss him this time. Instead, he looked in Buck’s eyes, searching for something. “I didn’t - I don’t expect you to say it back, because I didn’t mean to just spring it on you like that. It’s probably too early to say it anyway, but -”
“Evan, do you love me?”
“Obviously, that’s not how I wanted to say it for the first time,” he answered instead.
“ Evan ,” he said, stressing the syllables of his name to remind Buck that he hadn’t answered the question. “Do you love me?”
“Yeah, I do. Of course, I do. You’re hard not to love. You’re exceedingly cool, and you’re fun to be around, and you’re so understanding about this being my first time with a guy that I forget that it is my first time. Between the kisses and all of the incredible dates, how could I not love you, Tommy?”
Tommy tipped his chin up a tiny bit more and glanced at Buck’s lips before replying, “I love you, too, Evan.”
“You do?”
Loving Tommy was so easy, and it made so much sense to him, like breathing, like waking up in the morning, like making food when he was hungry, and going to sleep when he was tired. It was natural to him that he would love Tommy Kinard, who had gone out of his way to stop by Buck’s apartment that first night on his way to work and had turned his life upside down in the best way possible. Tommy had changed his entire view of himself, so it was inevitable that Buck would fall in love with him.
It was less obvious to him that Tommy might love him in return.
“Evan,” Tommy breathed, and he rested his forehead against Buck’s, nudging their noses together. “God, of course, I love you, Evan. Someone in your past told you that you aren’t worth being loved, which is such bullshit, because you’re so worthy of love and affection. You’re sweet with the biggest heart in the world, and you don’t see yourself the same way everyone else around you does, and I want to remind you of how good you are, how smart and funny and honestly perfect you are. I love you so much.”
Buck wanted to hear Tommy breathe his name that that all the time, sweet and in disbelief, like a prayer. He nudged his nose into Tommy’s, and let out the breath he’d been holding unintentionally, afraid that he’d ruined everything by spilling his heart out so soon into their relationship.
“Do you love me enough to get out of my kitchen so I can finish making dinner?” Buck asked, and he was rewarded with that simple, carefree laugh that he enjoyed so much.
“Yeah, I do. I’ll go sit at the island, stop getting in your way.”
“Good,” Buck said, and he stepped back to let Tommy slip around the kitchen island and take a seat at one of the barstools there. He set his head in his hand, elbow resting on the countertop, and he looked at Buck as he went back to making dinner for them. “Stop looking at me.”
“I can’t. I’m in love with you,” Tommy said, and he grinned when Buck ducked his head to hide his blush. “I want to look at you as much as possible, if you don’t mind.”
“And if I do mind?” Buck asked as he went back to his task, grabbing the pot from the cupboard so he could start boiling pasta. He’d made sure to get fresh pasta from the market that afternoon as well as perfectly ripe tomatoes, onions, and garlic. He was sure that Bobby would appear in his kitchen if he opened a can of tomatoes for his family recipe, so he made sure he used exactly what he’d been taught.
“That’s too damn bad,” Tommy said with a smile. “I’m not looking away regardless of what you say. You told me you love me, and now I get to enjoy looking at you as much as I want.”
“Yeah, alright, but that means I get to do the same after dinner.”
“Oh, yeah? After dinner, huh? Do you have something planned that I don’t know about, Evan?”
Buck grinned and leaned over the counter to kiss Tommy once.
“You’ll just have to wait and see.”