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Chuuya doesn't like Dazai.
There's no way he could ever actually like that bastard.. He is annoying, stupid and an asshole. Always thinking about himself and coming up with those dumb plans where he ends up landing in a hospital. He blew up his car, and constantly makes fun of him. Also that bastard left the port mafia 4 years ago, without a word to him, HIS PARTNER IN CRIME.
Dazai is a person you can't predict or understand, but Chuuya.. He was kind of an exception. He could predict how that bastard would respond or move in a situation. Knowing him for 7 years means that he knows Dazai like the back of his hand. But some things were still a mystery, his past before the mafia was unknown. Chuuya had no actual info on Dazai, he didn't know what he liked except for crab, bandages and suicide, he didn't know his story, hell he doesn't know any simple things.
Yes he knew how Dazai acts and signs of his actions, but he didn't know the simplest of things. It took him a year or more to even learn his birthday. Dazai was not open, he seemed to be, but in reality he is closed off at all times. Chuuya has never seen him show vulnerability, EVER. Even if dazai was injured badly, he didn't show any signs of pain, he never cried no matter how bad it hurt.
Dazai didn't show emotions in general. No, dazai wasn't emotionless, but he tended to ignore his emotions a lot, to the point his body grew used to it and rarely allowed to show emotion. Chuuya saw how Dazai could smile with genuine emotion, even if it was the slightest bit of sparkle in the void filled eyes.
They are 2 opposites, but in some weird twisted way they fit with each other so well, making him somehow understand about 50% of dazai's actions which was a lot considering that the average person understands 0% of Dazai in general.
There was this.. Sense of protection Chuuya had over the brunette, like he wanted to always save him from his own self or a situation he got himself in. Always going with Dazai's insane plans, just to save him every time from death that he chases so badly. He needed to protect Dazai at all costs, and he himself never understood why. Why did he risk his own life to save his? didn't he hate him? Yet he always had a bubbly feeling in his chest whenever he was around Dazai.
Whenever Dazai was in danger, he was there to drag him back. After these missions there were shared things like care, words and affection.. Chuuya got to see a rare side of him, being all caring and making sure he is alright when he is vulnerable.
There was something about.. Dazai's touch, it sounds so weird but there is something about Dazai just brushing his hands on him or laying his own body on him. Dazai's touch was warm, welcoming, despite his hands always being cold. Dazai's touch soothes him and makes him feel calmer and safer.. It never burned or harmed like it did with others. It was warm, his hands were always smooth, his skin brushing like a soft blanket on his own.
But it's an enemy thing right..?
There was a talk he had with Kouyou, and somehow he managed to get the full story of Kouyou's once loved one. It was similar in a way, she explained the feeling she got and somehow it matched with Chuuya's feelings for.. Dazai. That bubbly feeling in his chest, the addiction to his touch, the protectiveness over him. Oh shit. This was the moment he connected the pieces together.
He can't POSSIBLY love that shitty bastard, yes Chuuya kinda.. thought Dazai was average looking or whatever. Dazai isn't all that, just a regular looking bastard, yeah...Okay who is he fooling? Obviously he thought Dazai was beautiful. The delicate features on his face, that managed to look soft even when he was in the mafia. His beauty marks on his body and a little on the face, the way his eyes were dark, yet so bright. That dark dark red in his eyes that looked like brown was just mesmerizing. The only one Chuuya is trying to fool is himself.
It was about time he actually tried to accept his feelings towards the brunette. They always have that strange dynamic, being close but not close enough. Chuuya wanted to be closer, he wanted to actually feel Dazai touching him freely. Yet he couldn't do that, he couldn't receive that touch. Just because Dazai doesn't know, and he himself didn't want to acknowledge it.
So.. He came up with a plan, it was stupid but they're Soukoku, they are never gonna do normal shit.
Chuuya decided to act drunk. Being praised for his acting skills often, he can definitely pull it off. All he has to do is drunkenly confess and surely Dazai will do something about it when he's 'sober'. He'll just be in a bar drinking one wine glass to make it realistic and call him, okay yeah. He is definitely crazy for doing this.. Dazai isn't easy to fool, but Chuuya is a great actor, so he'll pull it off somehow.
Chuuya was now sitting at a bar he goes to occasionally, sometimes he celebrates, sometimes work is too much stress. On that note, Chuuya picked up the phone, finding dazai's contact named 'mackerel' and Chuuya was all set up.
Chuuya: "Dazia cime pivk me upppppl"
Purposely misspelling to make it realistic. What surprised him was that dazai replied very quickly.
Mackerel: "awww, does the little chu need mee?"
Chuuya: "hurry uopp"
Mackerel: "where are you?"
Chuuya: "Bar XXXX"
Mackerel: "10 minutes"
Surprisingly he agreed? Chuuya thought it would take much more convincing than that, why the hell was he so casual about it? That's just sketchy. Whatever, it's Dazai, it can be anything with that idiot, after all it's THE Osamu Dazai. Wait a damn minute.. should he try to call him by his name..? more realistic? Chuuya knows himself well, and he knows that when he is drunk he says dumb shit, as to point he can call his boss "Dude" yeah he does not want to remember that port mafia party..
Whatever, dazai is gonna be here and he needs to get his act up and his rizz ready. So he lays down on the table, putting his hands under his head as a pillow, Chuuya slumps in his seat making him look very much passed out drunk if his eyes weren't open. He places the wine glass in one hand that is still under his head but his palm is still functional. This looks realistic right???? I mean he had Kouyou bomb him with pictures when he was drunk and he looked somewhat similar to this.
Anyhow, Dazai would be here any minute and it's getting Chuuya all stressed. how would he react? What would happen then? gosh he was so nervous, okay he just has to push the stress down so Dazai doesn't notice, afterall he is good at reading people. This is the day everything would reveal, deep breaths.
Soon enough Dazai arrives, his usual coat on with his work clothes, charming as always. He walked up to Chuuya taking in his condition, yeah he looked drunk as fuck. it's not like he hasn't done this before several times.
Dazai slowly guided him upward with Chuuya slumping in his arm, like he didn't have muscles at all. Chuuya layed limp in dazai's arm as he lifted him up."Chibi really managed to get himself drunk!" Dazai teased despite him being supposedly drunk, like always. Everything felt really natural, like this was common for them. It wasn't that common but it did happen sometimes when Chuuya decided to drink his problems away.
The brunette practically dragged him out of the bar since Chuuya was too limp to walk by himself. Dazai grabbed his waist with his right hand to guide him up and try to carry him back to his apartment, while Chuuya automatically put his left hand around his neck, laying it on his shoulder. After all, they have done this several times, after missions, injured, drunk and more.
Chuuya was blabbering slurred nothings while they were walking, occasionally putting his head on dazai's closer shoulder next to him with a fall, not holding anything up with his muscles. Slumping almost all of his body weight onto the weaker and taller body next to him, Chuuya started basically falling due to the fact that dazai was not as good at keeping him from collapsing. Yes, dazai was trained but due to his eating habits his body couldn't hold himself up, gaining no muscle. His eating habits were not healthy at all, constantly starving himself to the point of passing out.
As for the detective, he was just spitting out insults and sometimes complaints as he dragged Chuuya to his apartment. Dazai knew very well where Chuuya lived, having to break in every week multiple times to annoy Chuuya or just cure his boredom.
The walk was about 15 minutes long, it wasn't that bad, but knowing Dazai it was hard to carry 2 bodies, his and his (ex) partners. The mafioso was practically a dead weight on him, like he was carrying something heavy. Chuuya wasn't fat, no, it was quite the opposite. He was slim and his body was structured like a beauty standard. The problem was his muscles and bones, he had a hard time carrying any weight at all, it wasn't easy for him at all, but he would always do this for Chuuya, no matter what.
So Dazai carried Chuuya all the way to the apartment, he was tired. He entered the building complex and immediately went to the elevator and clicked the highest floor which was about 25 floors up. Chuuya always had admired the view from above so of course the dumb little chibi had to buy one of the most expensive apartments in yokohama just to be up there. Such an idiot, it's just a silly view, right?
Dazai slid down on the elevator floor a bit, still holding Chuuya who looked like he was literally about to fall asleep, which was not actually the case but Dazai doesn't need to know that.. The elevator ride wasn't that long since it works well, but at least Dazai got a break. Yes he could combat, but his bones are too weak to carry. That shipping container was not it apparently, but at least he got away from everyone.
The brunette grabbed the apartment keys from the pocket of his pants and when he heard a ding sound Dazai stepped out of the elevator with the ginger bitch from the winx club.He walked to the apartment number that said 2587. okay why the hell is it that big of a number, chibi is such a silly slug for paying that much money just for that view, but he decided to not voice that thought since Chuuya is seemingly out of it.
After fiddling with the keys for about 5 minutes before actually getting the right key he opened the door. Chuuya had to hold back laughter as he watched Dazai struggle with the keys, yes he had many but cmon he was an executive of the port mafia.
"stupid chibi.." Dazai mumbled as he dragged Chuuya inside and closed the door behind with his leg. Then he made his way to Chuuya's bedroom. The bedroom was massive, big and spacious, a bed that could fit 4 versions of Chuuya comfortably, decor all over the room, Chuuya always had a thing about decor...
He laid the ginger on the bed, being careful no matter how much his hands wanted to give out and drop him. Then Dazai went over to Chuuya's walk-in closet. And surprise surprise, it was massive. How does one need THAT many clothes holy shit. But that was no surprise for Dazai, he had been here a lot of times so he knew where everything was, such as his pajamas. So he went ahead and grabbed chuuya's slipknot t-shirt that was way too big for him but whatever, and his soft pajama shorts that went to the end of his thighs.
Sighing, he went over to the small fairy that was still on the bed and awake surprisingly (not). "Okay slug, can you try to get your ugly clothes off, you're not gonna sleep like that are youuu~" Chuuya held back the eyes that were ready to roll and mock him, so he slowly got his clothes off, making sure to stumble and be extra slow. After that he got on his usual pajamas and got under the covers.
As Dazai was about to walk out of the room he felt a hand grabbing his wrist "i love you." Okay, he did it, he did it. Now surely Dazai must say something about it, or maybe tomorrow? just, hopefully he'll say something and make it work, idk?
But the response he got was not what he expected. Dazai didn't even look surprised, he just stared at him and after a while the brunette spoke up "real sweet, but i wish you were sober." He had a sad smile on his face, and his eyes were telling him that Dazai felt more of a sad emotion, whatever that was. hurt, sorrow, everything at this point. Chuuya was so taken back by that response, definitely not what he expected, there was a crack in his acting, and Dazai for the first time seemed to not notice that.
Not caring about the act anymore, Chuuya looked him in the eyes, confusion displayed on his face "what do you mean..?"
Dazai didn't even look at him to see his reaction, he was looking away, seemingly into the void. "Chibi is drunk, he should not say things he would regret later." He said with a blank voice, trying to sound teasing but failing miserably. Dazai was ready to walk out the room if only Chuuya didn't quickly get out of the bed to follow him.
"Dazai-" he was cut off "don't. go back to sleep Chuuya, you need to forget this night happened." The brunette didn't really realize that Chuuya is not drunk, he was stuck in his own thoughts. He was blocked from the outside, and all he could hear was his head working overtime like it always does.
"I'm not letting you leave like that." Stubborn ginger, nothing surprising. The mafioso walked over to Dazai and cupped his cheek, snapping Dazai out of his thoughts. Chuuya had this adoring look in his eyes, he didn't look..drunk. quite confusing for Dazai. The height difference was not helping either, since Chuuya really had to put an effort to reach the taller male’s cheeks.
"Tell me what is going on," Chuuya demanded, but in a soft tone. "I thought you were drunk chu-" now he was the one cut off "don't worry about it, i'll explain later. answer my question" Chuuya should know better than this, Dazai never reveals his feelings to people, he lies and hides behind a thousand facades, masks carefully crafted by his own mind and face. The ginger was hoping to get a genuine answer from Dazai, for once.
"I-" for the first time, the detective was struggling to find words. He knew more than a 1000 ways to make someone talk with words, he knew how to correctly lie, so he never got caught, but when it came to his true feelings, words of his own, Dazai didn't have words to speak. It was so hard, feelings are hard. Also Chuuya being like this was confusing, usually he hits him when he touches Dazai, but this time it was delicate, gentle.
None of them knew the meaning of gentle, but they were willing to learn. The only thing Soukoku had known was violence, cruelty and the dark. They found light in each other, Chuuya felt human around Dazai, Dazai felt alive around Chuuya. Like a match made in between heaven and hell. After years of suffering they found the other, but because of the world being cruel to them, none knew how to love, to care and to be gentle.
Dazai said nothing, he didn't have words for his feelings, Chuuya understood. Both of them stood in silence for awhile. They met each other's eyes, sapphire blue with ruby brown. Both of them read the other's expression, taking in the feelings of the other. This was the beginning of something that would shape who they are, or destroy them. Soukoku were willing to take the risk, and try.
They never really needed words. Chuuya could read dazai this time and he could read chuuya. Both of them were caught in this moment of vulnerability it was scary, horrifying. Dazai felt like he doesn't deserve this, he just doesn't. He's been so bad to Chuuya and he's a shit person in general why would anyone love a useless monster like him? Chuuya deserves someone better, not some fucked up entity.
Chuuya noticed dazai's mind going overtime and his eyes drifting away so he leaned towards the other, Chuuya raising on his tiptoes, yanking Dazai more downwards, their lips met in between, slotting against the other. Chuuya has waited so long for this, 7 years of knowing each other, 7 years of waiting, 7 years of stubborness. The taller one was surprised at first but quickly found his arms a place around Chuuya's waist, while the shorter one's arms found a place around Dazai's neck. Slowly both of them deepened the kiss, their tongues slowly dancing in the air now, messily going against the other.
Upon separation, Dazai looked the smaller man in the eyes. "you're gonna regret this later." "i won't." Chuuya replied with confidence, and with no hesitation. All they wanted was to be held in the other's embrace, their newly found territory feeling so right.
WIth that, Chuuya led Dazai back to the bedroom, laying down on the bed, pulling Dazai down on the bed with him. The mafioso found a way into dazai's arms, and closed his eyes “I was pretending to be drunk by the way." Dazai laughed with genuine tone, "unfair slug."
There was a moment of silence between them, and suddenly Dazai whispered the words. "i love you too.."