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I am dedicating this to the love that bulldozed its way into my heart, repaired the broken pieces, and helped the traitorous organ thrive in life. Thank you, my dear Precious love... for rekindling my soul and my desire to live...
Their Japanese debut and upcoming Fan concerts are the reason for their Japan stop. Jiwoong sits at the edge of the stage and observes Matthew practicing his dance.
It's not uncommon for Jiwoong to watch Matthew's dance, singing practice, or anything of a particular nature. At any given moment, Matthew is always under his watchful eye. Matthew is a lure that pulls Jiwoong's attention towards himself. His captivating and radiant personality led Jiwoong to be deeply in love with him.
It's a secret, but it's open. Everyone is aware - the members are aware, the managers are aware, and he is even certain fans are aware or suspect. Jiwoong isn't always careful, and he can't help but smile when he sees Matthew, a gleam in his eyes is ever-present whenever he sees Matthew smiling. He reaches out to touch without any thought. Matthew is a lure.
During the finale of Boys Planet, he was terrified of Matthew not making it into the group. He was dreading not having Matthew by his side for the next two and a half years.
When Matthew was announced to the group, Jiwoong whispered 'I love you and Thank you for making it' into his ears, and he realized his feelings for Matthew were more than just platonic.
Some part of him knew that it was possibly reciprocated if the way the air around them started shifting was anything to go by. Gazes continued to linger longer than usual, blush and jitters were ever-present, eyes were drawn toward each other's lips, and a certain tension arose, where touching became more frequent and less... platonesque. Jiwoong made it obvious with the gifts he gave Matthew on his birthday, which included a custom-made perfume and a book of love poems.
An emergency meeting was called for by the company on the very same day. It was advised that they avoid doing anything that would be perceived as suspicious in the public’s eyes. Fan service should be genuine but not too genuine. The interactions between Jiwoong and Matthew were too genuine to be dismissed as fan service.
It's not just a case of them. It’s their careers, and the careers of seven other members. The actions they take could affect the jobs of hundreds of people, the company’s image, and an unpredictable fan base. A nation that is unable to accept what they have. The consequences would be devastating. They know it all, and they become weighed down by it.
Both of them noticed the change and were aware of what was happening. It is too much for them to remain friends. They tried to stay away- but not really, from each other to keep their hearts and careers safe.
It is obvious. Matthew's gestures of love is the fleeting gazes when he is not paying attention, the way he cooks extra pancakes for Jiwoong, the way he wakes him up every morning with gentle affection before they have to go to work, the way he gives neck massages after an exhausting day on the schedule, the way Matthew reminds him to take his medicines on time, the way Matthew averts his eyes when Jiwoong catches him staring, the way Matthew's hands retracts when he is about to touch him.
His eyes have witnessed it all, as the love shared between them, this all-consuming desire and breathtaking adoration, is a mutually agonizing thing shared and endured together. It is comprehensive and deeply painful.
Jiwoong is in love, and Matthew is in love, and that is something they shouldn't be, not with each other. They can't be.
So it stays a secret and unspoken. Recognized, but not taken care of. They endured, even though it was painful. By maintaining a distance, and communicating when needed. Jiwoong is the first to step back to breathe, but he's starting to forget how to do it.
This love is both a blessing and a curse.
❀❀❀
After their Japanese debut show, they go out for dinner together, as a group. They go to a restaurant in the center of Tokyo as their manager arranges for them to have their own room in the back, they cram into it, all filled with adrenaline and leftover energy, with dried sweat, hurting limbs, and too many of them trying to talk simultaneously.
The noise level in their group is always quite high.
Jiwoong takes a seat at the end of the table near the window, and Matthew slouches in beside him, softly smiling, candlelight catching the sparkles of his eyes and the clamminess of dried sweat on his temples.
Although he appears to be a wreck, completely shot through, and starving, he still manages to smile that damn smile, which makes him even more attractive. He sits close to Jiwoong, their thighs pressed against each other, and it's pleasant.
It’s not enough, never enough, but it’s nice.
Hanbin is doing what he enjoys, which is telling everyone where they screwed up during the show, but in such a nice way that they feel appreciated and motivated to improve next time. His smile displays his whisker dimples, making it an endearing sight.
Opposite to him, Gyuvin and Ricky are engaged in a confusing debate with mouths full of pasta, causing Gyuvin to blush and his hands to flail. Taerae and Gunwook are battling for the drumstick, while Hao watches and chuckles. However, Yujin is sitting next to Hao, quietly checking his phone and ignoring everything.
The wine sits warm in Jiwoong’s belly and the adrenaline pulsing through his veins mellows to a light tipsy state. He leans closer to Matthew's warmth, wrapping his arm around the younger man's shoulder.
Staying away from each other can be forsaken for just this evening.
Matthew holds a piece of chicken in his mouth with eager eyes. Jiwoong parts his lips and takes it in. He doesn't miss the way Matthew's eyes follow his movements.
In this group, it is normal to feed one another, and none of them find it odd. Even when Matthew brushes his thumb over Jiwoong's lips to wipe the grease, then sucks his thumb into his own mouth, and his eyes twinkle.
Jiwoong bites back a groan.
Matthew whispers, “Jiwoon Hyung, your voice was incredible tonight”, and he beams in a way that indicates he anticipates Jiwoong's rapt attention. “You looked great, too.” He places a hand over Jiwoong’s thigh, rests it there, tracing small circles by his thumb with just a bit of pressure. “You were so captivating that I couldn't stop watching.”
Jiwoong gulps down the chicken, grasps Matthew's hand from his thigh, and intertwines their fingers together under the table, squeezing and holding tightly. “You shouldn't let yourself get distracted on stage”, and he murmurs while twisting his fingers in Matthew's clasp, gliding and linking their skin together. Their hands fit perfectly.
Matthew laughs, breathless, entirely mirthless, beautiful, alluring, and tempting.
“I know I can be a distraction. A decent distraction.”
Matthew hits him playfully. “Ah Jiwoon Hyung.” He presses his forehead to Jiwoong’s jaw a moment, with zero space between them.
“Ah, My Matthew,” he says, sounding breathless in amusement, and it is so delicate, the way his heart pounds to close the gap between them. Later, he will point the finger at the wine for all this.
Even though it's stupid and reckless, he still does it. He tilts forward and tenderly kisses Matthew's cheek mole. Matthew's rumbles low in his throat and they jump away from each other, as if they had been burned by the touch.
It burns while staying away too.
Their manager is watching them, raising his eyebrows, from the far end of the table.
Jiwoong swallows heavily and retracts his hands from Matthew's hold.
❀❀❀
The next day, there is a misunderstanding with the hotel, and someone's left without a room. Jiwoong's spine chills with terror as Matthew casually suggests that they bunk in together.
It garners looks.
Hao and Hanbin share a knowing glance, while Gunwook bit his lip and lowers his gaze. They all know. Everyone knows, and Jiwoong knows, too. He knows he can't share a room with Matthew or share a bed, but he doesn't say anything. He cannot say no to Matthew, it’s that simple. Maybe he wanted to share, he doesn't know and he doesn't protest.
The warmth of Matthew's hand on his back makes his voice catch in his throat, and it feels like an elixir on his skin. Their attraction for one another is tantalizing.
They go to bed that night, keeping an ample distance between them. They lay on their sides, facing each other, but not touching. Matthew reaches out his hand and touches the curve behind Jiwoong's jaw, underneath his ear, and over his neck for a moment.
“Do you ever wish, that we—” Matthew murmurs, and Jiwoong sucks in a breath, cuts him off.
“All the time.”
“What if we weren't idols—”
Jiwoong gently places a finger on Matthew's lips to quiet him. “Don't say that. This is what you dreamed of. Our dream”
“This is something I've always wanted. To perform on stage and become an idol.” He kisses the tip of Jiwoong's finger on his lips, and in the dim glow of the subtle light, Matthew is the star in Jiwoong's eyes. “There are moments when it's overwhelming.”
Jiwoong pulls back his finger as he says, “This feeling will pass.”
“How are you feeling, Hyung? You were subjected to an obviously fake fan call and the hate was insane for over a month. They had the audacity to send a protest truck to get rid of you! I am grateful that they were able to prove it wasn't you through forensics and voice analysis. If the world treats you with more kindness in the future, it would be nice.”
Jiwoong nuzzles into the soft hand, tracing his jaw. “To tell the truth, it was difficult. I held the belief that the truth would triumph. Thanks to you, all the other members and my fans, I didn't succumb to a slump.”
Matthew blinks slowly. “There are times when I feel like running away.” He closes his eyes. “I long for you, Hyung.” His voice is thick in sorrow. “I long for how we used to be in the course of boy’s planet.”
Jiwoong clenches his fist as he struggle to not lean in and kiss Matthew's lips. When the younger one pouts at him, the urge is too much to bear. “Matthew-ah, You know we cannot-”
“I know, Hyung. I know.”
They smile, sad, and part ways. They sleep in close proximity but not close enough.
Jiwoong wakes to soft morning light and Matthew pressed against him, as he knew he would, curved into his side and breathing quietly.
Jiwoong feels a burning arousal in his bones. He waits for Matthew to stir before grasping his thigh and hauling it across his own. He wraps an arm around his waist and tugs him closer, pulls and tugs until Matthew gasps a soft, slumberous, “Jiwoon Hyung.” Jiwoong bury his face in Matthew's neck and he just needs to feel him, to breathe him in.
Regret can impede for a while.
Matthew rocks against him, equally passionate, grabbing him, his fingers catching on his t-shirt and his hips rutting. As they finally succumb to their urges, their breaths stutter and hearts pound.
Jiwoong's hand sneaks underneath Matthew's shirt and touch his hot skin with a dangerous intent. He experiences the craving in his stomach and gut, it descends deeper and deeper until he rocks his hips and presses his open mouth against Matthew's neck.
A knock on the door splits them apart, with a manager shouting for them to come to Hanbin's room for breakfast. Matthew stares at him with a fiery, guilty look and swallows thickly. “We should go,” he says.
Jiwoong nods. He can’t go anywhere, not yet. He’s got a problem. A big boner problem. “I’ll, ah—I’ll be there in a minute.” He only needs a minute, because he is painfully hard. He knows he'll come just by the thought of Matthew hotly rutting against him.
Matthew gives him a knowing look. His cheeks are blushing and his lips are pouting in a cute way. He abruptly moves forward and kisses Jiwoong-with a quick and bruising smooch without any warning.
Jiwoong's heart stops a split second as his eyes widen.
“Jiwoon Hyung,” Matthew whispers against his lips.
“What are you doing to me, Matthew?” He says, pressing his forehead to Matthew’s, eyes closed. “I am driven to near insanity by you. I believed that avoiding you would help, but the desire I have for you doesn't fade away. It is burning, and I am suffocating.”
“Hyung-” He chokes. “You and I are both suffocating. Do you think it's easy for me? Hell no! I-”
Their moment gets interrupt by another knock.
Matthew sighs and whispers. “When you do it think about me.” Then he's gone, Jiwoong tips his head back and grumbles in frustration. It's irritating to be so close yet so distant. He slips his hand inside his boxer shorts and thinks solely of Matthew.
Matthew is the only one that occupies his thoughts.
❀❀❀
Afterwards of Fancon day 2, they sit on his hotel balcony and observe the bustling city below. Matthew's cheeks, the tip of his nose, and the streaks in his hair are kissed by the moonlight, creating a glow and allure similar to that of a watercolor painting.
Matthew is beautiful.
He did a lot of skinship with Matthew on stage today, and the crowd loved it. Despite the presence of guilt, fear, and regret, they no longer obstruct each other.
It's Ironic that they are free on the stage. The fans anticipate it - the touches, the glances, the flirting.
On stage, Jiwoong did everything he has been avoiding doing for awhile now. On stage, Jiwoong touched. He held Matthew by his waist. He touched Matthew’s cheeks, hugged him, patted him, and been playful with him. Looking into his eyes, he conveyed all the love he desires. Matthew comprehended him.
The emotions intensified on stage. On stage, he was in love, open, and free.
Now, he suffocates all over again in private.
Jiwoong accompanies Matthew to the balcony, observing him glow under the moonlight. As he relaxes, the lazy swerve of his gaze follows a couple strolling the street arm-in-arm.
The couple stops to kiss.
The image depicts young love that is carefree and as light as the soft spring breeze.
Matthew shakes his head and gazes longingly at Jiwoong, making him turn away, unable to cope with the overwhelming look. Jiwoong is able to sense Matthew's words through his gaze. That could be us, one day.
Hanbin, beside them, sighs. “I wonder how old we’ll be before we get to have that,” he says wistfully, and Jiwoong’s heart skips a beat. He has the love, but not the freedom to kiss his love on the street.
He conceals his pain by teasing Hanbin. “Don't you and Hao already do that on stage?”
Hanbin hit him playfully, “I meant it as in, being in love and carefree, without a camera constantly being shoved down our face.”
Matthew coughs. They both turn to look at him. “It’s getting cold,” he says, and he gets up abruptly, leaves them outside alone. His shoulders are tense and the back of his neck is red.
Hanbin scoffs at Jiwoong, mockingly. “You are pathetic,” he says, as if it’s an achievement. “It's both of you. And I am tired of you both beating around the bush! Just fuck each other and get your shits together already.”
Jiwoong is on the verge of laughing. He picks at his fingernails to avoid looking at Hanbin. “It's not right for you, out of all people, to encourage us to be reckless. Hanbin-ah” He stares up at the sky. “And we cannot do that, we shouldn't.”
There's a lengthy pause. The couple kissing is interrupted by a car alarm in the distance, and they separate and move on. Eventually, Hanbin says, “One thing about me and Hao is, we hide in plain sight.” He hugs Jiwoong gently, and Jiwoong clings to him. “This isn't forever, so make the most out of it. After all, we are not a permanent group.”
“Jagiya-”
“It's pointless to avoid each other when you're both hurting. Make an effort to spend more time with Matthew before you regret not spending enough with him. It's uncertain where life will lead us after this.”
It is indisputable. Even when Zerobaseone disbands, life continues. His fame will never diminish because he is Kim Jiwoong of Zerobaseone. He won't encounter obscurity again in his life. At certain moments, their fame, success, and records taste like acid in his throat. Like right now.
Hanbin leaves a while later, heads to his room to check on Hao. Jiwoong waits for Matthew to return, but as time passes and the evening grows darker, goosebumps start to form on his exposed arms, and Matthew still does not return. He clenches his fists and inhales deeply.
He knows that if he goes back in, things will change forever. They have to face the inevitable instead of running away from it. And running away is not an option anymore. He utters a “fuck it” and goes back inside.
He finds Matthew asleep on the bed with his eyes closed and a YouTube video quietly streaming on his phone. Jiwoong puts an end to the video and connects the charger to the phone, then he drapes Matthew with the blanket.
He gently brushes away the hair from his forehead and drops a fleeting kiss.
Matthew wakes up in the dark, his eyes blinking. He extends his arms as Jiwoong bends down to kiss. Their lips touch, and their breaths catch as everything around them halts.
Jiwoong is hungry, and Matthew is the craving.
They need to stop kissing like this, Jiwoong thinks. Despite everything, he still kisses him. After a few more moments of kissing Matthew, he reluctantly pulls away. He adorns Matthew with kisses all over his face, including his eyes, nose, cheeks, forehead, chin, and his attractive face moles. He wipes the tears from Matthew's eyes, and he doesn't know when he started to cry either, but his cheeks are also dumping.
He desires to stay and do more, he cannot, he shouldn't...
Matthew holds his wrist, as he does every other time. “Sleep with me,” he murmurs, and Jiwoong is weak and hungry, so weak that he is suffocating. He withdraws his hand, smoothens Matthew's hair away from his face, and runs his thumb along his full bottom lip.
“We shouldn't,” he says, pretending he can't see the broken glimmer in Matthew's eyes.
“Please Hyung,” his voice falters as his shoulders slump in defeat. In Matthew’s vulnerability Jiwoong’s resolve crumbles and shatters into infinite pieces. “Please stay.” He whispers.
“Matthew-”
“For tonight, at least.” he pleads. “Let's focus on being ourselves instead of worrying about the world. You and me, us. For just one night.”
“Baby-”
Matthew quiets him down, presses his fingertips to his mouth, and gently caresses the skin on his lower lip. Matthew's eyes reflect sadness, longing, and everything they desire but cannot have. He doesn't say anything but smiles, that smile that never fails to drive Jiwoong to near insanity.
“One night,” Matthew says, “and then we let it go. Be mine, tonight.”
Jiwoong's stomach turns and his hands shake. His heart thunders against his ribs. “Okay,” he says, voice thick. “Okay.”
They can do it properly. By eating dinner and talking and watching a movie maybe. To utilize the time as though they are in a relationship between dusk and dawn. But they are realistic and what they truly need is to fuck.
And who is there to know, to care, but the two of them in the dark and alone? For a night, they can be lovers.
Jiwoong lowers his mouth to Matthews, and the hunger and heat rush through him, burning his veins. In the kiss, he devours Matthew.
He encounters an equal amount of unreserved combustion and passion from Matthew. His tongue plunges between his lips, to taste him. He wedges himself into Matthew's legs and passionately kisses him while Matthew's fingers slide into his hair to pull his mouth down against his own.
Matthew's body seems to melt against his.
He could feel him, the sturdiness of his muscles, the supple length of the younger one against him.
The need to touch, be touched, to take and give, it nearly overwhelms him in desire.
He feels a surge of hunger inside him. A demand.
More.
Jiwoong strips Matthew and strips himself.
Matthew strokes his hands across the muscles of his chest. “Your body has been on my mind ever since I saw you in that sexy crop top! Did you wear it intentionally? It's for riling me up, isn't it? How dare you? Jiwoon Hyung!”. Jiwoong's hands are trembling and his heart stutters, but his skin is scorched by Matthew's touch.
“The stylist made me wear it.” He simply says and he lays Matthew out on the bed.
“Their work was impressive.”
Jiwoong smiles and kisses his ankle, knee, thigh, and hips. He holds Matthew's waist, his skin feeling soft and smooth to the touch. He smoothens his hands over the arch of his ribs, and he gently runs his tongue over the Sakura tattoo. He whispers his name and jumbled words of love into Matthew's soft stomach.
He groans as Matthew's skin heats at his touch. It is a delicious torment.
Matthew whimpers and trembles against him. He pulls Jiwoong up to kiss. He kisses, nibbles, sucks, and holds Jiwoong as if he wants to climb inside of him and forget about the world outside.
Jiwoong has to hold both of his hands together in one grip above his head. And he gently strokes him with the other hand until he's begging. Jiwoong doesn’t plan on taking far, but Matthew spreads his legs and pulls up his knees.
“Fuck me, Hyung.” He reaches to his nightstand and hands Jiwoong a small tube of lube but no condom. “Nothing between us,” he says.
“Are you sure? Matthew. Do you want this? Do you want me like this? “Jiwoong asks him to double-check it one last time.
Matthew almost cries. His gaze is filled with determination, and his focus is firmly on Jiwoong. “Please,” he whispers. “Please, I need-” Jiwoong kisses him then. Kisses him with ferocity until they both gasp for air.
Neither of them look away from each other. As they fumble around together, touching everywhere, until, Matthew becomes a shaky mess underneath Jiwoong. His pleas are whispered against his shoulder, and he feels loose and wet around Jiwoong's searching fingers.
Jiwoong frees his fingers and settles in between Matthew's legs. They gaze at each other with a deep sense of intimacy, and Jiwoong pushes into Matthew until their breaths halt. This sensation of suffocation is both delicious and strangling. “I love you, Matthew.” Jiwoong says.
“Hyung, I love-” Jiwoong shuts him with a fierce kiss.
“Don't say it.” He moves his hips in a slow rhythm, and Matthew gasps, holding onto his shoulders for leverage. “If you say those words to me, I won't be able to let go of you at all.”
Matthew expresses his love for Jiwoong through a simple nod of his head. His eyes made it clear.
Jiwoong never held anyone as tightly as he holds Matthew when it's over. Matthew is tremoring and coming down, and both of them are sweaty from the intense orgasm. He embraces Matthew as if he is holding the entire world in his arms, holding his universe against his chest with this desperate and abysmal love.
He clings to him and kisses him, and he thinks about how this is it, their one night together. And how the fuck he'll let go of his world after this. How will he survive it?
He kisses him again, kisses his feverish body, tastes him on the tip of his tongue, savors him in the back of his throat, and pulls out more gasps from him, tears him apart again.
Again, a bit later, and again after eating. On the bed, on the dining table, in the shower, on the couch, on the floor, against the wall, and behind the front door. On every surface suitable. Again and again.
Until Matthew cannot take it anymore, until his body is pliant, and all he can do is let Jiwoong kiss him to keep them both awake a bit longer. They want to forbear from facing the new day and the end of their one night.
It's inevitable, though, and it's the worst sunrise of Jiwoong's life.
❀❀❀
One night becomes two, then three and more. Night after night, they refuse to let it go. They can't. They have given up trying to stay away. They cannot.
They never had any intentions to let go. Their love for each other is so intense that they are willing to take risks and defy the world.
In Hong Kong, they snuck off to the cinema to see a new Chinese movie. Their masks are up, bucket hats are lowered, and hoodies are zipped high. They don’t take security guards. They're reckless. Too reckless. They inform the manager they would be going to bed and wait for the staffs to depart to their respective rooms before exiting through a fire exit onto the road.
Holding hands and laughing into the night, they run.
This normal thing, catching a movie, feels like the most proscribed thing in the world, and it’s intoxicating. They’re giddy, finding it absolutely hilarious when Matthew uses his English to rizz his way through buying free popcorn and drinks, they fall into each other's arms and holds on too tight.
They don’t understand everything in the movie. Matthew makes an effort to translate the English words spoken by the actors, but he fails because Jiwoong is not paying any attention. The fights and explosions are what they enjoy, and they enjoy each other, tucked in the back right corner, wholly hidden in the darkness. It’s a freedom unlike on the camera, unlike at the dorms.
They lock their hands. Matthew lifts Jiwoong's fingers to his mouth and presses a kiss on the back of his knuckles. He rests his head on Jiwoong's shoulder in a way that feels like it belongs there, with shared warmth and no separation between them.
Two souls, sharing a harmonious heartbeat. A kind of happiness Jiwoong hasn’t felt in a long while.
As the credits roll, he kisses Matthew because he wants to. Because this is a date, it's them, it's his Matthew, and they no longer have to pretend. Matthew whines into his mouth, and kisses him back.
“Thank you, Matthew”, he says, while kissing the younger one's lips. “Today at the airport-”
“Hyung, I have your back”. Matthew smooches his lips. “You can count on me to hold onto you and be by your side. Because you know why, right?”
The lights come up, and Jiwoong blinks back his tears. He smiles and nudges Matthew's forehead with his. “You love me, that's why.”
“That's right.” He smiles. “I love you, Jiwoon Hyung.”
❀❀❀
The members return to Korea and are currently in the practice room preparing their choreography for their upcoming comeback. After hours of practicing, Jiwoong sits down on the floor against the wall opposite the mirror and takes a moment to breathe. He occasionally glances at the dancing trio, Hanbin, Matthew, and Gunwook. Jiwoong's eye rolls in fondness as he watches them get into position once more. Those three are always striving for perfection.
Ricky and Gyuvin sit by the table containing the pile of snacks. Taerae and Yujin lay down on one of the couches and get busy with their phones, while Hao lays on the floor staring up at the ceiling and breathing heavily.
When Jiwoong sees the trio sweating and panting, he stands up and heads to the mini fridge, bringing out three water bottles. He approaches Hanbin and Gunwook first, handing them the water. Hanbin sends him a knowing smirk, but he pretends not to see it. The two walks away, leaving him and Matthew in the middle of the room.
Jiwoong offers the bottle and the younger accepts it with a chuckle. Their hands touch, causing Jiwoong's heart to do somersaults as usual. “Thank you, Jiwoonie Hyung.”
Jiwoong offers back a soft smile, heads back to his previous spot, and tries to distract himself.
Although they came to terms with being together, they chose to hide it from the members for the sake of the group.
But Matthew follows him, and sits beside him on the floor. He places his head on Jiwoong's shoulder, closing his eyes and sighing in relief.
“Hey, baby, are you tired?” Jiwoong wriggles his shoulder a bit to get into a comfortable position. The other does not move, but he continues to nuzzle more into Jiwoong's body, both of them are sweaty and icky, but they do not care. “Do you want to rest on the couch?”
“Mm, don’t want to. I’m tired and you’re comfortable, so.”
“You didn't have to work yourself to the point of exhaustion, my love.”
“I still need more practice though. I have to do my utmost for the fans.”
“I know, baby. We all want to give our best. And I understand the need to continuously improve our skills. But it's important to know when to put the brakes on, okay?”
Jiwoong feels Matthew's lips touching his collarbone, and he makes an effort to keep from blushing.
“You’re so cute, Hyung.”
He lightly shoves Matthew's chest, which makes the younger to squeal with laughter. “I was serious, not cute.”
A hand grips Jiwoong's wrist and he is pulled forward, his face ending up just inches from Matthew's. The elder is unable to control the blush this time, as the heat and redness spread on his cheeks.
“I know you are”, Matthew murmurs, and Jiwoong catches him gazing at his lips.
Jiwoong mutters 'fuck it' and closes the distance between them.
Matthew's eyes widen, and he initially didn't move because of the shock. After Jiwoong's impatient huff, he finally moves and kisses the elder, then wraps his arm around Jiwoong's waist to pull him closer. Matthew tilts his head to intensify the kiss, and Jiwoong feels like he's floating and never wants to land.
Few minutes pass, and they pull away to breathe. Jiwoong suddenly chuckles as he leans his forehead on Matthew's shoulder.
“Why are you laughing?” the younger asks.
“Nothing, it’s just…”
“About damn time!”
The two look up in surprise. Upon forgetting for a while that they are not the sole ones in the room.
“You disturbed their moment, Hanbin-ah,” Hao drawls, but he also has the same grin as the rest of the members.
“I am now their resident third wheel.” Gunwook groans into his hands.
Hanbin laughs. “As if you weren’t already for months.”
“Still! Now that they finally got their shits together, they're going to be even more disgusting.” Gunwook whines and sits beside Matthew, nagging him like a puppy.
The rest of the group laughs, while the two lovers grin sheepishly. Hanbin stands up and stretches. “Alright, we can go back and get some good sleep. Our new lovebirds, congratulations!”
The others do the same, congratulating Jiwoong and Matthew and patting them on the back or head. Once they were left alone, Matthew shyly glances at Jiwoong, sunshine grin on full display.
“Be my boyfriend, Hyung?”
Jiwoong giggles, cupping the younger ones cheeks as he has habitual fixation on squeezing and holding those soft buns. He takes him in for a brief and discreet kiss, and he almost melts as Matthew tries to chase his lips when he pulls away. “I thought you'd never ask.”
❀❀❀
After finishing their weekly schedule, their manager was generous enough to grant them the weekend off. Once they arrive back at their dorms, everyone goes straight to their own rooms and prepares for bed.
As Jiwoong is about to enter the room that he shares with Hanbin, someone suddenly wraps two arms around his waist from behind.
Matthew whispers into his neck, “I missed you. Let's cuddle tonight.”
Jiwoong chuckles as he places his hands over Matthew's. “Baby, we spent the entire week together because of promotions, don't you remember?”
Although he couldn't see the younger's face fully, he knows he is pouting his lips, his cheeks puffing. “I didn't mean that, you know.”
He does, of course. Jiwoong misses his boyfriend a lot despite his teasing because he hasn't had much alone time with Matthew in the past few days. “Alright, you big baby. I'll wash up before I go to yours.” Jiwoong kisses his cheeks, with a hard press of his lips that elicits giggles from the other.
Jiwoong enters his room to discover his soul mate already washed up and lying on his own bed, reading something on his phone.
“Jagiya, you know I love you, right?”
Hanbin raises his eyebrows in question as he glances up from his phone. “What do you want?”
“Leaving you alone is something I hate to do on most days, but...”
Hanbin cut him off, a smirk on his lips. “So, you won't be sleeping here tonight, right?”
In response, Jiwoong grins sheepishly. “I'll sleep here again starting from tomorrow night, I promise.”
Hanbin hums and waves his hand in acknowledgment. “That's alright, Woongie Hyung. I understand that both of you need some alone time. Get your belongings, don't worry about me.”
Now it was Jiwoong’s turn to smirk. As he takes his pajamas out, he casually says, “Since, I won't be able to sleep here, you can always invite Hao.”
A pillow hits his back following a mumble, “Maybe I'll go to Hao's room.” Jiwoong laughs as he gets up and goes to the bathroom.
Minutes later, he is done and his body thumps with the need to have Matt thrown in his arms. Upon reaching Matthew's room, he knocks twice and calls out softly, “Baby?”
The door opens a few seconds later, revealing Matthew already changed out of today’s outfit as well. He is clad in a loose white shirt-Jiwoong's shirt- and a black sweatpants, with a clingy Gunwook, back hugging him like a koala. Jiwoong fondly rolls his eyes, maybe not so fondly.
As he sees Jiwoong, Matthew's face bursts into a blindingly bright smile.
“Oh!” Gunwook murmurs while pouting. He glances at Jiwoong. “Am I kicked out tonight?”
Jiwoong smiles back. “Unless you're willing to see us naked and have sex in the next five minutes...”
“Hyung!” Matthew shuts him down, placing a hand on his mouth. “Don't corrupt our child.”
Gunwook groans heavily, “You both are disgusting.” He walks out as Jiwoong enters and immediately flops face down on the bed, nuzzling into the sheets and sighing.
Upon hearing the door close and footsteps getting closer, he turns his head and sees Matthew. “You are spending too much time with him.”
Jiwoong snuggles into Matthew's chest while they lay down next to each other. Matthew's arm wraps around his waist, and as he shifts his body, their legs entangle. He sighs in contentment and tightens his grip on Jiwoong. “He is my baby.”
Jiwoong lifts his head up from his chest. “What am I then?”
“You are my BABY.”
Jiwoong chuckles, low and breathy. “Hi baby.”
“I missed this a lot,” Matthew says in a whiny tone.
“Yeah, me too,” Jiwoong replies. “We’ve been so busy lately.”
He kisses Matthew's cheeks, biting them gingerly as a gentle grin spreads on Matthew's lips. They just laugh, rub, nuzzle, and smell each other, basking in warmth.
He intertwines their fingers, rests their hands on Matthew’s chest. The silence surrounding them is a comforting one, as they soak up the warmth of each other. Jiwoong focuses on the rise and fall of Matthew's chest and the gentle touch of his thumb rubbing circles on his exposed waist.
“Jiwoon Hyung.”
“Yeah, baby.”
“I love you, you know that right?”
Jiwoong gazes up and sees his lover's eyes, which are sparkling and brimming with adoration. “Without a doubt, I do. And my love for you is immense too.”
Matthew chuckles. “Jiwoonie, I know and I am grateful for your presence in my life. You are truly amazing, handsome, and a gem of a person, and I wish you knew how much you mean to me. I am still astonished at times that you are truly in love with me, of all people. You can have anyone you want. But you chose me, and I am yours and you are mine.”
“Shush, no more of that now,” Jiwoong chides, nuzzling into Matthew’s neck, breathing him in. “Who wouldn't fall in love with you, actually? Matthew, you are a very kind, considerate, and a precious person. You are everything I wish for and more. We are fitting and rightful partners.” He lifts his head, grinning teasingly. “Plus, you are rapacious in bed.”
Matthew's face flushes red. Jiwoong giggles and raises his hand to pinch those adorable cheeks. “Precious Matthew. My precious little one.”
“Alright, alright, let's sleep now.” Matthew tightens his arms around Jiwoong's waist.
Jiwoong whispers 'Goodnight kiss'. Matthew laughs and leans forward. Their teeth tinkle in the kiss, making them smile. They don’t worry about suffocation and keep kissing until they can finally exhale.
They kiss.
Jiwoong opens his mouth to intensify the kiss, but not in a heated or sensual manner. It is a slow, languid, and sleepy kiss, not quite as intense as a passionate one.
It’s a ‘Thank you. You are my love. I love you. I'm happy you here with me. Let’s be together forever’ type of kiss.
Both are slightly panting and sporting light blushes as they pull apart after a few minutes. The two share a grin, and Jiwoong settles back into the younger’s chest, finally drifting off feeling more relaxed than he has ever been in a while.
Matthew spends a few more seconds staring at his boyfriend and marveling at him, before closing his eyes and letting sleep take over as well.