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Homophobia? In today’s society? I don’t think so.

Summary:

Superman and Batman’s villains aren’t being homophobic, they’re just surprised anyone would date them.

Aka: Superman and Batman’s various villains (and others) know that Superman and Batman are dating and are weirdly supportive.

Work Text:

Batman landed on top of the speeding car and groaned when he started getting shot at from the person inside the car. The car took a sharp turn and Batman quickly shot off his grappling hook when he realized the car was going off the bridge.

 

Batman swung into the water after putting the small oxygen mask on. He swam down to see the car at the bottom of the river.

 

I’m never getting the smell of Gotham water - if you can even call it water - out of this suit. I’ll have Jason set it on fire, or Damian, or Dick. I’d never subject Alfred to trying to clean this, Bruce thought to himself as he swam down to the car.

 

Batman pulled the person out of the car and realized it was Harley Quinn. He swam to the surface and got out. He put her on the ground.

 

“Harley?” Batman asked as he felt for a pulse. He didn’t feel anything. He sighed and started to do CPR. “Harley, come on.”

 

Harley woke up and coughed, and then she immediately kissed him. He pushed her away and groaned. He’d never hear the end of this, from any of his children.

 

Batman coughed and could just hear what Jason would say, or Dick, or Damian. Or any of his other kids.

 

“You kissed another supervillain?”

“Did you use protection?”

“It’s not like she’s the first supervillain you’ve kissed.”

“Don’t get her pregnant. I don’t want any more siblings.”

“I’m gonna hack into every camera nearby and save the footage to add to the ‘Batman’s bad choices’ PowerPoint presentation.

 

Harley laughed and Batman handcuffed her.

 

“Buy me dinner first,” Harley said with a smile. Batman coughed again and held his side in pain. “You alright, Batsy?”

 

“I never want to kiss you ever again,” Batman complained. His side hurt from getting into another fight earlier. And the one before that, and the one before that. He’s been going nonstop all night.

 

He just needed a minute to breathe and calm down. Alfred would be proud of him for taking a few minutes to relax.

 

“Why’d you do it?” Harley asked.

 

Both her and Batman were lying on the pavement, both soaking wet and covered in Gotham river water. Batman gathered that they both should be taking a few minutes to recover from their own long nights.

 

“It’s called CPR, Harley,” Batman said with an eye roll. “You drowned, I saved you. I still believe you can do some good. It’s not your fault the Joker hurt you.”

 

Harley stayed quiet and stared at the night sky.

 

“You aren’t my type,” Harley said suddenly. Batman snorted.

 

“You aren’t my type either,” Batman said. He panted and held his side.

 

“I knew it. I knew it was true! I won’t tell Superman about this kiss,” Harley said with a laugh. She coughed and smirked at him. “You know, I kissed you so I could know if it was true. And it is!”

 

“What are you talking about?” Batman asked tiredly.

 

“You and Supes are dating. I didn’t believe it until now,” Harley said. Batman stilled. “Look, some guy told another guy who told another guy. And that guy told me.”

 

“Explain,” Batman said as he sat up. She sat up too. “Now.”

 

“So there was this guy, okay, and he said that another guy who told him said that he found out you and Superman were dating,” Harley explained. Batman stared. “There was something in Metropolis and that guy had overheard you and Supes flirting. And then he saw you two kiss.”

 

Batman’s mind flashed back to when he helped Superman deal with a Kryptonite situation recently. (Bruce was overprotective of Clark when it came to Kryptonite). And they had stayed on a rooftop after the mission was over. And they did kiss, but-

 

“Who else knows?” Batman asked, suddenly panicked. If villains knew, they’d go after Superman to get to him. Not that Superman wasn’t bulletproof, but it would be more trouble for Clark to deal with and it wouldn’t be good.

 

“Everyone. Word spread fast,” Harley said cheerfully. “You know, me and Ivy have a little thing going on ever since I broke up with the Joker. We could double date.”

 

“Never happening,” Batman said with a groan as he fell back on the ground. “Ever.”

 

“How is he in bed?” Harley asked with a smile. She leaned back on the ground. “I always wondered that. The enhanced stamina has gotta-“

 

“Please stop,” Batman said with a sigh. “Please stop.”

 

Batman was thankful when the police cars showed up. And his own backup.

 

“B? You okay?” Nightwing asked as he ran over. “B?”

 

“Oh you’re cute. You know, if Ivy and I ever break up, you and I could-“ Harley started telling Nightwing.

 

“No,” Batman and Nightwing said at the same time.

 

“Is it true you used to be Robin?” Harley asked.

 

Nightwing looked at Batman with an unamused expression.

 

“No offense, but you’re a little too…crazy for me,” Nightwing said to Harley with a smile.

 

——

 

Bruce fell on the couch and rubbed his eyes. He was exhausted after patrol all night. Finally he was home and he could relax-

 

“Father! Can you tell this peasant to stop trying to hug me?!” Damian asked as he walked into the room.

 

Bruce lifted up his head to look at the doorway. He stilled when he saw Jason soaking wet; and wearing a Wonder Woman shirt, because of course he was. He then proceeded to tackle Damian on the floor in a hug.

 

“Father help!” Damian said as he squirmed against Jason’s hug.

 

“What are you doing?” Bruce asked.

 

“I lost a bet with Dick so I had to jump in the pool and then try to hug the murder child,” Jason complained as he climbed off of Damian and left the room. Bruce stared at the soaking wet carpet and now Damian.

 

“Todd!” Damian yelled. He left the room quickly. “I’m going to murder you!”

 

“No murdering your brother. He’s already died once, I can’t deal with it again,” Bruce said quietly.

 

Bruce rubbed his temples, hoping to get some peace and quiet. He yawned before Clark sped into the room.

 

“What’s wrong? What happened? Are you okay? Are you hurt?” Clark asked in a ramble. “You texted me and said we needed to talk but I was super swamped with the Daily Planet until now and-“

 

“Woah, woah, it’s okay,” Bruce said as he tried to calm Clark down. “So…Harley Quinn mentioned that…some…various villains know about Batman and Superman…being together. So I wanted to give you a heads up.”

 

“Oh, okay,” Clark said calmly. He glanced at Bruce’s shirt and snorted.

 

Bruce stared at his shirt, the words PROUD FATHER OF A FEW DUMBASS KIDS printed in bold letters. He smiled at the memory of Dick gifting it to him last week. Alfred had looked amused at the shirt too.

 

“Dick got it for me. He got me multiple shirts that are the exact same,” Bruce said with an amused expression. “I have like six of these shirts now.”

 

Clark snickered and sat down next to Bruce.

 

“Be careful, for my sanity,” Bruce said to Clark. “Please. Villains might go after Superman to get to me.”

 

“I’ll be careful,” Clark said. He leaned against Bruce. “I promise I’ll be careful.”

 

“Master Bruce, do you require anything?” Alfred asked as he peaked his head into the room. “Hello, Master Kent.”

 

“Hey,” Clark said.

 

“I require my children to not yell and give me a headache,” Bruce said.

 

“That is something I can never get you,” Alfred said flatly. He walked away.

 

“Oh, uh…Harley Quinn also…may or may not have…kissed me…” Bruce said slowly. Clark stilled. “I didn’t want to and I was doing CPR and then she just kissed me and- and yeah. I figured I’d…mention it.”

 

“How did it feel?” Clark asked. Bruce felt somewhat relieved that Clark didn’t seem mad.

 

“I like kissing you better,” Bruce said. Clark smiled.

 

Bruce closed his eyes and hoped to enjoy the moment. A quiet moment with Clark where he didn’t have to worry or hear his children yelling-

 

“Bruce! Bruce where are you? I knew it! I knew it- I knew you were-“ Dick yelled as he ran in but slid to a halt at the sight of Clark. Dick froze.

 

“Dick,” Bruce said slowly, knowing damn well that none of his children knew Clark Kent was Superman. Clark preferred to keep it that way, as did Bruce.

 

“Can we talk? Alone? Now, please,” Dick asked nervously.

 

Bruce nodded and untangled his limbs from around Clark’s torso. He climbed off the couch and snorted at the Superman sweatshirt Dick was wearing.

 

“Of course you’re wearing a Superman sweatshirt. I shouldn’t even be surprised,” Bruce commented as he left the room. Clark laughed into his hand.

 

Bruce closed the door and made his way into another room nearby.

 

“What’s going on?” Bruce asked.

 

“Batman is dating Superman? But I thought you had a thing for Clark,” Dick said. Bruce stayed quiet and rubbed his temples.

 

“It’s just a rumor,” Bruce said.

 

“Uh, no,” Dick said stubbornly. “You can’t be dating Superman and Clark. You have to pick one. Stop being stupid.”

 

“Excuse me?” Bruce asked, his eyes wide.

 

“I will tell Alfred you’re being stupid,” Dick said with a huff. He left the room, leaving Bruce frozen with disbelief. “Alfred! Bruce is being stupid again!”

 

“I…I am not,” Bruce said to himself.

 

He heard Clark laughing from the other room.

 

——

 

Superman flew down and landed in front of the vehicle, causing it to skid to a stop in the middle of the street.

 

At least the criminals inside didn’t decide to ram into Superman with the car. That wouldn’t end well for them, he thought to himself as he ripped the door off the hinges.

 

The criminals inside stared at him as the police cars pulled to a stop. The group of men slowly exited the car while the police officers pointed their guns at the vehicle.

 

Superman waited as the officers arrested the men and took off their masks. They had just robbed a bank. Clark didn’t see the point in robbing a bank when Superman can hear everything. But criminals never were particularly smart at times.

 

“Supes,” one of the men said with a whistle to get his attention. Superman stared at the words on his shirt. ALLY was printed in rainbow colors underneath the leather jacket. “Heard all about you and Bats.”

 

“Hold on,” one of the other gunmen said as they got dragged towards a police car. “You and Batman? Together?”

 

“You being homophobic?” Another one asked.

 

“I’m not being homophobic! I’m just surprised anyone would date Batman! It’s Batman! Come on! He’s grumpy as hell I’ve heard! Superman’s all…sunshiny. They’re like oil and water.”

 

“Sunshine and grumpy sitting in a tree-” the fourth gunmen said before the door got slammed shut. Superman tuned them out.

 

Superman turned away when all the men got shoved into the police cars. One of the police officers stared at him with a scared expression.

 

“Uh…” Superman said slowly. “Can I help you…or…” He eventually noticed the pride pin on his shirt.

 

“Is…Is it true? You and Batman?” The officer asked hesitantly. He seemed to shrink in on himself when he asked, making him look even smaller. This guy looked like he was 21, maybe.

 

“Yeah,” Superman said. He had a genuine smile on his face thinking about Bruce. “Yeah, it’s true.”

 

The officer smiled. Superman glanced at the name tag. WOOD.

 

“Did you…come out to your parents?” Wood asked nervously. “I know you’re an adult, obviously. But…but still.”

 

“No, not yet,” Superman said seriously with a sigh.

 

“Are you scared how they’ll react?” Wood asked.

 

“I guess I am,” Superman said. He fiddled with his fingers for a few seconds. “I know that they’ll be supportive, but I’m still…scared to tell them. Are you scared to tell your parents?”

 

Wood slowly nodded with a scared look on his face.

 

“I hope it goes well,” Superman said. “If you decide to tell them.”

 

“I hope it goes well for you too,” Wood said with a smile.

 

Superman flew away.

 

——

 

Batman landed on the rooftop and stared at Gordon. He turned off the Bat-signal and walked over.

 

“There was a warehouse the GCPD raided a few hours ago and this was found inside,” Gordon said as he handed a shoebox to Batman. “A group of people. All wearing tactical gear and enough weapons to do a lot of damage. The weapons were weird and powered by something. They said they got their weapons from a guy in Metropolis.”

 

Batman opened it and barely suppressed a flinch when he saw what was inside. Pictures of Superman taken from multiple different angles, locations, and times. A smaller box inside prompted Batman to grab it.

 

“Careful with that,” Gordon said quickly. “The lab tested it, but they have no idea what that crystal is. The weapons are also powered by the same thing too.”

 

Batman slowly opened the smaller box. The green crystal illuminated his face and he grit his teeth.

 

“Kryptonite,” Batman said.

 

“What is that?” Gordon asked.

 

“It can kill Superman,” Batman said with a glare. He pocketed the crystal immediately, whether Gordon intended for him to keep it or not.

 

“Oh,” Gordon said awkwardly. “Maybe you should keep that away from the boyfriend then.”

 

Batman stared at Gordon, who coughed awkwardly.

 

“Everyone knows,” Gordon said suddenly.

 

“I know,” Batman said with an annoyed groan. “Where was this?”

 

Gordon rattled off the address of the warehouse and checked his phone after feeling it vibrate.

 

“Sorry, Barbara texted,” Gordon said. He stared at his phone screen. “Barbara told me to tell Batman that ‘Agent A told you to not do anything stupid’. I…I don’t even want to know what that’s about.”

 

“I’m not listening,” Batman said. He shot off his grappling hook and left.

 

——

 

Batman was pissed. He knew exactly where the group got the weapons and the Kryptonite. He warned Clark to be careful with this whole situation and Clark assured him it would be fine.

 

But now Lex Luthor was involved.

 

He stared at Luthor asleep in his bed. Batman hid in the shadows and waited for him to wake up. Luthor eventually shifted in his sleep and opened his eyes.

 

“What the hell?!” Luthor yelled before realizing that it was Batman. “Shit. Uh…is it date night or something? Do you two switch cities on date nights?”

 

“Where’d you get the Kryptonite?” Batman asked, his voice growling.

 

Luthor froze.

 

“Would you believe me if I tell you I got it from a place in Kansas?” Luthor asked nervously. “Look, I…I was…scanning with my satellite looking for Kryptonite and…I hypothetically came across a very small stash in a mountain. Digging it out was a bitch. I broke the shards into pieces and put them in weapons. Sold them.”

 

“To who?” Batman growled.

 

Luthor quickly climbed out of bed. He made his way over to the computer and pulled up a list. He printed a copy.

 

“Here,” Luthor said. He handed the paper to Batman.

 

“You’re afraid of me,” Batman noted as he grabbed the list.

 

“You wake up to a guy dressed as a freaking bat in your bedroom and see how well you feel!” Luthor said loudly. “Plus, you’re dating the bulletproof guy. I don’t know what you’re capable of now. Why him? Just…why Superman? Of all the people to date-“

 

Luthor scoffed. Batman stared at the list as he listened to Luthor complain. Luthor was letting his ‘anti-Superman propaganda’ voice get out.

 

“You could date Bruce Wayne instead. He’s rich. He lives in your city, and he can’t destroy the entire planet with a sneeze,” Luthor said with an eye roll. “Superman’s heart is probably as indestructible as he is. So if you do break it, make sure he doesn’t go on a rampage and kill me.”

 

Luthor adjusted his posture in the chair.

 

“Superman isn’t as good as you think. He could turn one day. I hope you have a plan for that,” Luthor sneered.

 

Batman punched Luthor in the face as he left the room.

 

——

 

Bruce immediately bought the property where Lex Luthor had dug out the Kryptonite to make sure nothing was there. He also had all of his children track down every single weapon and piece of Kryptonite, which took a few weeks. Luthor wasn’t being completely truthful about the ‘very small stash’ of Kryptonite he found. Everything got put in the cave for safekeeping.

 

“So this is where some Kryptonite landed?” Clark asked Bruce as he looked at the mountain.

 

“Yeah. Landed here during a meteor shower years ago,” Bruce said. Clark nodded. “Are you okay? Is there still Kryptonite here? It was checked.”

 

“No, no Kryptonite. Just…being home again…” Clark said hesitantly. He looked out away from the mountain. “I can see my house from here.”

 

Bruce turned to look, causing Clark to smile slightly. There was no way Bruce would be able to see his house.

 

“I…I didn’t come out to my parents…yet…” Clark said hesitantly.

 

“Any reason?” Bruce asked.

 

“Scared. I…I know they’re gonna be supportive…but I’m still…nervous about it,” Clark said quietly. He fiddled with his fingers.

 

“Do you want to visit them? I can come too,” Bruce said.

 

Clark smiled.

 

“You’ve never met my parents,” Clark said. “That’s kinda…moving a little fast.”

 

“Clark, we’ve been dating for three years,” Bruce said. Clark laughed. “I’d introduce you to my parents but...”

 

Clark stared.

 

“Do you want to meet my parents?” Clark asked hesitantly. Bruce smiled.

 

“You’ve already met Alfred. I think it’s time I met your parents,” Bruce said. Clark took a sip of the water bottle in his hand.

 

Clark grabbed Bruce and flew to the house. They crash landed in a tree and both landed on the ground.

 

“Well…that could have gone better,” Clark said awkwardly as he crawled over to Bruce. “Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah,” Bruce said. He got off the ground and plucked a leaf from Clark’s hair with a laugh. “Maybe you shouldn’t drink and fly.”

 

“I was not-“ Clark said with an amused expression. “It was water in my water bottle. I haven’t even tasted alcohol in…I can’t even remember how long. There was no point in me drinking if I can’t get drunk.”

 

“The taste,” Bruce said as they walked towards the farmhouse. “You’d probably like fruity drinks if you were going to drink alcohol.”

 

Clark knocked on the door and walked inside the house.

 

“Ma. Pa,” Clark called out nervously. “Sorry to drop by unannounced. I brought someone with me.”

 

“Oh honey,” Martha said as she came down the stairs with Johnathan and hugged Clark instantly. “I haven’t seen you in forever.”

 

“Who’s this?” Johnathan asked.

 

“My…friend…Bruce…” Clark said slowly. “Bruce, this is Martha and Johnathan.”

 

“Nice to meet you two,” Bruce said.

 

“Well, I’m sure you two would like some tea. Come into the kitchen with me,” Martha said with a smile.

 

Clark smiled at Bruce before he hugged his father. He followed Johnathan and Martha into the kitchen.

 

“You have a tree branch in your hair,” Johnathan said to Bruce. Bruce quickly ran his hands through his hair and shot an unamused look at Clark. Clark smirked.

 

Bruce quickly tossed the branch outside before he closed the front door. He made his way into the kitchen.

 

“I’ve heard a lot about you two,” Bruce said.

 

“Good things I hope,” Martha said.

 

“Yes,” Bruce said. “All good things.”

 

——

 

Clark was nervously tapping his leg on the floor and Bruce grabbed his hand gently. Martha and Johnathan sat on the couch nearby. They seemed to share a common thought.

 

“Remember when you snuck out when you were 17 and went to that field near the mountain?” Johnathan asked. “It was so late and you came back looking so exhausted.”

 

Clark stared and suddenly realized that it was the Kryptonite in the mountain that made him so tired that night. He also snuck out to be with someone that night.

 

“I remember,” Clark said.

 

“You came back and said that you ‘heard a cat stuck in a tree somewhere and had to find it’,” Johnathan said with a smile. Clark laughed and nodded.

 

“It was a pretty good excuse though. And technically I did hear a cat in a tree on my way there,” Clark admitted with a laugh. He glanced at Bruce, who looked rather amused.

 

“So…how long have you two been together?” Martha asked. Clark and Bruce froze.

 

“Wha…what? Uh…” Clark stuttered out, getting more flustered by the second.

 

“Honey, it was obvious the second you walked in here,” Martha said. Johnathan nodded.

 

“What?” Clark asked again.

 

“Your closet doors were glass the entire time. We’ve known,” Johnathan said dryly.

 

Bruce tried to hide his laughter while all the blood drained from Clark’s face.

 

“I…I’ve been stressing out for years and you two knew?” Clark asked before he smiled. He leaned back against the couch.

 

“We’ve been dating for three years,” Bruce said.

 

“And he knows I’m Superman. He knew before we started dating,” Clark said. He turned his head towards the door. “Uh…I hear a cat stuck in a tree, hang on.”

 

Clark sped out of the room. Johnathan laughed and walked into the other room.

 

“He’s happy with you. I can tell, just from the hour you two have been here,” Martha said with a smile. “Be good to him.”

 

“I will,” Bruce said seriously. He nodded.

 

Clark sped back into the house and fixed his glasses. He sat next to Bruce on the couch.

 

“Oh man,” Clark said as he looked at the dirty paw prints on his shirt. Bruce laughed.