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Sometimes curiosity gets the best of a person. Gyuvin isn’t ashamed to admit that it gets him…quite a lot actually. He can’t help his curiosity.
He opens up his Twitter, and immediately, a plethora of text posts and photos grab his attention.
His attention catches on a cute stationery note of a hamster, complete with cherry blossom trees on either side. He thinks Hanbin would love this one. Gyuvin had seen something similar when he was at the fansign.
His eyes fall to the words on the note, the question and answer clearly written by two different people. Upon closer inspection, he realizes that it’s a question that Ricky had been asked.
Q: Who is Gyuvin to Ricky?
There, in big letters scrawled in black Sharpie, is Ricky’s answer: Soulmate?
There’s a question mark there, Gyuvin notes. It seems like a significant detail, something to consider.
Had Ricky been unsure? Or was it a sign of vulnerability and a leap of faith to speak before he knew the right answer? But Ricky is the kind of person who moves when he knows what’s right— Gyuvin had revealed that himself on Camp Zerobaseone— so this is uncharacteristic of him.
Was he hesitant to unveil these details about their relationship? Their relationship has always been close, in a way that people had no way of understanding or even knowing. The other ‘04 Yuehuas had stopped questioning it long before they stepped onto Boys Planet, and they fell into place like puzzle pieces.
Or, Gyuvin considers, does this have anything to do with the changes in their relationship? Their bond has always been fluid, molding itself into whatever it has to be at any given moment.
They’ve never grown stagnant in their concern for each other. The recent development in their relationship likely has something to do with this ?
And for whatever reason, it's like Ricky had written Soulmate without any sort of hesitation and then paused and tacked on the question mark. It’s almost like it was an afterthought.
Gyuvin pauses, then continues scrolling.
It’s later when he asks, when they’re laying down late at night and he’s feeling a little too itchy beneath the skin.
“Soulmates?” Gyuvin says in English. He doesn’t bother with pretenses, doesn’t even provide context because he knows words like these weigh on Ricky’s heart when he gives them a voice. “But when I asked you, you said you didn’t think that everyone had a soulmate.”
A beat passes.
Gyuvin’s starting to think that maybe Ricky really had fallen asleep. He turns over to face him, only to realize that Ricky’s already looking at him.
“I did,” Ricky says, his voice measured. Gyuvin can tell he’s thinking about each and every word as it leaves his lips. “I do,” he corrects.
“And yet here you are, taking a page out of Hanbin-hyung’s book.”
There’s something playful that worms its way into his voice. Gyuvin’s not upset about the ? Ricky had scrawled on the post-it— after all, he’d gone the extra mile to call him his soulmate — but there is something unsettling about not knowing if things had shifted between them once again.
The confession had been a recent development in their relationship. The kiss had been even more recent. Since then, they haven’t done anything, but they still stick to each other like glue.
If Gyuvin is there, so is Ricky. If Ricky is there, so is Gyuvin. Early in the day, they practice together, spend time with the other members— all the stuff they’ve been doing up until now. Late at night, they show each other funny videos and laugh together as always. Then, they bid each other good night and fall asleep in their own beds.
Sometimes, when they have their late night conversations, they fall asleep in each others’ beds— whichever one they decide to lay in while talking. It happens more often than not, Gyuvin waking up feeling weirdly fuzzy and warm. The culprit, he finds, is usually just the warmth emanating from Ricky’s body (and not his blanket).
On one such occasion, Gyuvin cracked open an eye, only to see his face first thing in the morning. Though groggy and bleary-eyed, his first instinct was to immediately lift a hand to his mouth and pretend to gag.
“Stop leaning so close to me. Your breath smells,” he said.
“Gyuvin, you’re literally spooning me right now,” Ricky said flatly. He turned his head the most he could without dislodging his arms, and Gyuvin took that moment to exhale heavily in Ricky’s face.
“Ew.” Ricky batted at his arm, or well, as much as he could in the position they were in. He managed to dislodge Gyuvin’s arms from where they were wrapped around him, enough so he could turn back to face him. “You’re nasty.”
Now they were face to face with each other.
“You love it,” Gyuvin said.
“Debatable,” Ricky said, wrinkling his nose. He let a hint of a smile peek through, the corners of his lips turning up slightly.
Their mornings go like this more often than not. Sometimes Matthew switches rooms too, opting to sleep with Yujin or other members instead of them.
Whenever he does, some other member is stuck with them. Usually, it’s Hanbin. Occasionally it’s Jiwoong, but most of them rotate around as they see fit. It’s Ricky and Gyuvin who stay static, roommates at Yuehua and roommates even now in the ZB1 dorms.
It doesn’t seem like any of them mind. In fact, they’re all extremely supportive, but especially Hanbin and Zhang Hao. Maybe it’s because they’ve also had to go through a lot together to get here now, still as enamored with each other as they were on Boys Planet, if not moreso.
So, back to the matter at hand. Gyuvin prods at him lightly, because something must have changed in the time between the first time they brought it up and now.
Ricky peers at him for a moment, then says, “I wasn’t sure.”
“Huh?” Gyuvin isn’t sure he’s following.
“I don’t know if soulmates was the right word,” Ricky explains, then adds, “I thought there would be a misunderstanding if I said anything else.”
“What would be the right word then?”
“Well,” Ricky moves his hand to rest between them, and Gyuvin immediately intertwines their fingers. They’ve come a long way. He still grabs Ricky’s wrist more often than not, but now he’s allowed to hold his hand too.
“I was going to say…” He starts, then stops. “We should go sleep.”
“Tell me,” Gyuvin says. “What were you going to write?”
There’s a teasing smile on Ricky’s face as he says, “Let’s sleep.”
Gyuvin swats at his shoulder, and Ricky laughs.
It is late, so he tries to sleep. It’s hard but he manages by the time the soft breaths that leave Ricky’s lips even out.
✧
They have another fansign the next day. Gyuvin takes to Twitter again to look at some of the posts about it. Apparently someone had asked Ricky the same question today, and they posted a video follow-up. Gyuvin clicks Play.
The subtitles are in Korean, and they effectively cover the Soulmate? written on a piece of paper. It looks like Ricky wrote down the same answer he did at the last fansign.
It takes Ricky more than ten seconds to answer the question. It feels different actually listening to the audio. He’d only had written proof that RIcky thought of him and went with the answer he did.
“I want to say this… but I can’t say this,” Video-Ricky says. Even with the audio quality, Gyuvin can still hear the beginnings of a smile in his voice. He wonders what kind of expression Ricky was making. A smile is a smile, but he has a lot of smiles, so the exact nature of it is left to imagination. Gyuvin could easily imagine it, but he wants to see it for himself.
After a moment, Video-Ricky admits that he’d been unsure when he wrote Soulmates? which was why he added the question mark. Then Ricky follows that up with something that leaves Gyuvin reeling, “To each other, we’re boyfriends.”
Boyfriends?
Right, Gyuvin had essentially confessed and Ricky had responded to him with the same vigor. They’d even kissed. And maybe they kissed some more after they returned to the dorms, still sweaty and winded from practice.
But they hadn’t so much as kissed after that, to Gyuvin’s dismay. So hearing Ricky lay it out like this and call him boyfriend, of all things…
“Boyfriend,” Gyuvin murmurs to himself. The word is light on his tongue. He had always been raised to be responsible and nurturing, told to be a good boyfriend when he dated and an even better older brother to his younger siblings.
This, however, is something new.
The expectation was that he would date a girl. The expectation is that he would date a girl. Gyuvin is all too aware of the path that had been drawn up for him, but there Ricky was, in all his glory, and how could he not love him?
There were several answers there, but Gyuvin had stopped lingering on the what-ifs when he first saw Hanbin and Zhang Hao together. They were both incredibly kind and hardworking individuals, and the guilt that had slowly eaten away at him since he met Ricky ceased. Maybe that’s why the thought didn’t faze him as much as it would have pre-Boys Planet.
There is one thing though, one thing that he can’t help lingering on now.
He and Ricky confessed to each other, and now they’re essentially going out. There’s no denying that. However, and this is a big however, nothing seems to have changed between them.
He isn’t sure if that’s a good or bad thing. He’d only been in one relationship, and using his limited relationship experience, he concludes that something isn’t quite right.
They’re going out, but they still act like they’re boy friends (with a space in between) rather than boyfriends (with no space in between).
It’s on his mind when he wakes up and when he sleeps. The thought follows him, and he’s only able to put it on pause when they’re practicing and preparing for their debut.
✧
“It doesn’t feel like anything has changed between us,” Gyuvin admits, while they’re laying down next to each other on his bed.
“It doesn’t,” Ricky agrees.
Gyuvin turns his head and finds that Ricky is already looking at him.
“Sometimes I wonder if I know how to love you properly.”
It’s only as he’s saying these words that he realizes how much he actually means it. He knows how to love Ricky, doesn’t remember a time when he didn’t, but loving him properly? Gyuvin doesn’t know if he’s doing it right, if this is the way he’s supposed to.
“You do,” Ricky says suddenly. “You do.”
And Gyuvin doesn’t know what to say, can’t find it in himself to agree, so he just settles into Ricky’s side and hopes Ricky realizes what he’s trying to convey.
✧
They don’t fight about it. Not because they don’t know how, but because it’s easy not to, and not in the sense of sweeping it under the rug either.
It’s so much harder to fight when Gyuvin knows what Ricky means, and Ricky knows what Gyuvin means. Everything that Ricky says and does is thought out, and never is it intended to be malicious or hurtful.
In the same way, Gyuvin knows that Ricky knows he didn’t mean anything by it.
Sometimes I wonder if I know how to love you properly.
It’s ironic that the same 3 years that he spent with Ricky is what gives him pause.
Would things be easier if they didn’t have 3 years worth of memories? If they hadn’t settled into their friendship and then had to deal with the aftermath?
And here’s the thing.
It would be a lie to say that Gyuvin regrets anything about their relationship. He knows Ricky in the ways that matter, and he would never trade that for anything. Every new fact he learns about Ricky is like unraveling a gift, because it fills him with glee every time.
But, and there’s a small but that he has to consider, he can’t help wondering how things would be different if they first met at Boys Planet instead.
Would he and Ricky still be close? Or would he have been just a person in his peripheral? Existing, always in his vicinity, but never close enough to intersect.
But then again, Ricky had always stood out. It’s something that Gyuvin had always admired about him. In fact, it’s one of the first compliments he’d ever given him.
So, maybe he would have noticed Ricky still, but would things have turned out like this?
Maybe, he considers. But he wouldn’t have been the first then.
Not the first to approach Ricky out of the Yuehuas nor the first to befriend him there.
He’d paid careful attention during his English lessons so he could make sure that they could converse easily.
Being first in any manner is not a detail he’s particularly fixated on, but if he had to choose between that and something else, it’s obvious what his answer would be.
The truth, it seems, is as simple as this: Gyuvin doesn’t know how to navigate their relationship now that it feels like the world has shifted on its axis.
He doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do to make things better. They’re idols, so dating is discouraged in the first place, and his one relationship, well— He had a girlfriend in middle school.
But here’s what it comes down to: Gyuvin doesn’t know what more he can do for Ricky that he doesn’t already do.
He knows he’s affectionate. He knows that he gives. It’s just that he didn’t realize its excess until now.
He’s always been like this. Even when he would sit down to eat with his family, he would always pluck a healthy portion of vegetables and meat for his siblings.
Back at Yuehua, whenever they ate barbecue, he was usually one of the people in charge of the meat-grilling so he would turn the meat over with his tongs to make sure that it was cooked through and then place some on Ricky’s plate, then Yujin’s.
So, when they sit down to eat with the rest of the Zerobaseone members, it’s almost instinctive how he moves to serve them first and then himself. It’s second-nature to him at this point.
During Camp Zerobaseone, Gyuvin had moved to swap his sunglasses for Ricky’s glasses because he knew he wasn’t good with sunlight. He let Ricky sleep in the upper bank of the camper van because he knew he was more comfortable there.
All these things he had already done for Ricky without a single thought… but now that he thinks about it, isn’t that what a boyfriend would do for their partner?
If Gyuvin is being honest, he would do those things for anyone, but this particular attentiveness he attributes to being around Shen Ricky for years and knowing him inside out.
Gyuvin throws his arm over his eyes. He’s making this complicated in a way that it doesn’t have to be. This is why he hates lingering on things for too long. It gets him thinking and thinking and thinking, and suddenly he’s second-guessing himself.
There’s a sudden ping from his phone. He ignores it, but it goes off again (and again).
He sits up from where he was laid out on the couch, groaning. Who is it this time?
But as he clicks open his notifications, he quickly realizes that it’s just the Zerobaseone groupchat. Taerae is asking what they want to eat since he’s out with Matthew. They’re planning to pick up food on their way back.
Immediately Gyuvin scampers back to his room, pushes the door open and—
“Ricky,” Gyuvin says. He crosses the room and throws himself down on Ricky’s bed. Ricky groans and scoots over to make room for him. “What do you want to eat? Taerae-hyung said he and Matthew-hyung went outside so they’re planning to pick up food on their way back.”
“Hm…” Ricky rolls over to face him. “Pizza?”
“You eat that everyday.”
“Not everyday,” Ricky points out. “Every other day now.”
He’s pouting a little, so Gyuvin pinches his cheek. It’s worth it even though Ricky swats his hand away in the next second.
“Pizza then,” Gyuvin decides. He taps away on his phone, and after a few seconds, his phone pings. “Okay, sent.”
He puts down his phone, and Ricky picks it up the next second. Ricky turns the phone in his hands, running his fingers over the ridges of the case, then the stickers that Gyuvin had stuck on.
“You changed it.”
“I would feel bad if I didn’t. Zeroses gave me a lot of stickers,” Gyuvin explains. He watches lazily as Ricky unlocks his phone with just a glance, the camera angled at his face just right. Ricky’s opening up an app, but Gyuvin makes no move to stop him.
“...PES?” Gyuvin asks after a few seconds.
“PES,” Ricky affirms. He’s smiling.
Gyuvin’s grin widens. “It’s on.”
✧
“Gyuvin,” Ricky curls his index finger toward himself to motion for him to come closer, and Gyuvin immediately complies. He closes the distance between them in approximately two strides, just standing before him, and Ricky immediately pushes something against his chest.
Gyuvin looks down, just as Ricky thrusts a small ring box into his hands. There’s a ribbon wrapped carefully around it with the brand Gucci printed on it and—
Gyuvin gapes. “For me?”
“Happy early birthday,” Ricky says, in lieu of an answer.
Gyuvin pulls off the ribbon with shaky hands. He hands it to Ricky, who twirls the silk between his fingers. As he’s pulling open the box, he pauses.
“Are you sure?”
“Gyuvin, stop stalling and just open it already.” Ricky reaches over to poke him in the chest. Then, in a softer voice, he says, “You know I wouldn’t do anything I don’t want to do.”
“Okay,” Gyuvin exhales, then pulls the lid off. There’s a little draw-string pouch, which he takes out carefully. He fishes the jewelry out and holds it up to the light.
He feels his breath catch. The ring has the double G symbol, and the edges are engraved with intricate details.
“You didn’t have to,” Gyuvin’s voice is hushed as he speaks, the disbelief apparent in his voice.
“I wanted to,” Ricky says, just as quickly. “It’s the GG Marmont Key Ring.”
Gyuvin blinks, the realization suddenly dawning on him. “Is that why you invited me to go shopping with you last time? You said you wanted to look at rings.”
Ricky shrugs. “I didn’t know your ring size.” His gaze falls to Gyuvin’s fingers as he says, “It’ll be good for future reference anyway.”
“Is this because of what I said last time?” Gyuvin chooses to ask instead. “If it is, it’s okay. I just— I don’t know how I can love you. We’ve been friends for so long and now—”
“I know,” Ricky interjects, before he can continue. He places a hand atop Gyuvin’s, the one that’s still clutching the ring in his hand. “May I?” He nods at where their hands are still joined together.
With a hesitant nod, Gyuvin uncurls his fingers to reveal the ring still resting on his palm. Ricky takes it and ever so gently slips it onto Gyuvin’s ring finger. The ring only makes it above his knuckle before he squawks angrily and bats at Ricky’s shoulder with his free hand.
Ricky laughs, then ever so gently slips the ring onto Gyuvin’s index finger instead. It fits there, snug as can be— not too loose that Gyuvin would be worried it would come off but not too tight that he would be worried that it would cut off his blood circulation.
“I love it.” Gyuvin says. “Really. How did you know I would like this?”
Ricky lifts his gaze to meet his. “I know you.”
Something about those three words sends a tremor through him. It’s strange how three words can cut into someone that deeply, even more so because it’s not I love you— just I know you.
Gyuvin blinks once, twice. He doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t even know how he should react, so he side-steps it, pivoting into a joke because that’s what he does when he doesn’t know what to do. “Since when were you such a romantic? I thought you were Hanbin-hyung for a second.”
“Since you started memorizing all my favorite foods.”
“Ricky loves green milk tea with red beans~” Gyuvin mimics him with a laugh. “I love it~”
Ricky laughs. Then, in a serious voice, he says, soft as can be, “It’d be weird if I didn’t know you by now.”
✧
“I’m going to be in your Birthday Live,” Gunwook says. It’s not a question.
“Of course,” Gyuvin agrees easily. He and Gunwook are close, and there’s no denying that Gunwook is very good at interacting with both ZEROSE and viewers. Personable, witty, and smart with years of leadership to boot, he’s probably one of the members who would most enjoy doing a livestream.
And from what Gyuvin has seen online, ZEROSE all want to see more interactions between them (but that’s true for all of the members, really).
He’s not sure who his other guest should be. It’s obvious who he wants it to be but—
“Are you going to ask Ricky to be in your Live?” A voice interrupts his thoughts, and he startles so hard he almost topples over.
Gunwook steadies him with an arm, a glint of amusement in his eye— almost like he knows what Gyuvin was thinking.
Gyuvin tries to avoid his gaze, to no avail. When Gunwook catches onto something, he’s drawn to it like a shark to human blood. There’s no point in hiding it from him when he already knows what’s going on between him and Ricky.
Besides, Gyuvin reasons, Gunwook is quite literally his best friend in ZB1, other than Ricky. Even though they’ve only known each other for a few months, he knows Gyuvin well enough to pick up on his moods.
“I was thinking of asking,” Gyuvin explains. “But he’s not that comfortable with livestreams.”
“I think you should still ask,” Gunwook shrugs, as he settles comfortably into the couch. “You never know, it might be something he’ll still want to do.”
“Why?” Gyuvin blurts out. In the years that he has known Ricky, he’s never known him to ever do anything he doesn’t want to do, especially when he has a choice.
“Because it’s you,” Gunwook says simply. “And it’s part of the job,” he adds after a moment.
Because it’s you. For a minute, those words are all that echoes in his head. It’s such a cheesy answer— Gunwook must be watching too many of the dramas Zhang Hao has been showing him (and the rest of the members)— but Gyuvin knows Gunwook won’t mince words with him.
So, as expected, Gyuvin does ask.
Even though the rest of the group is aware of what’s going on between them, he still feels awkward about having that conversation around them.
See, it’s one thing for them to see and acknowledge how close they are, but it’s another for them to see and acknowledge what’s happening between them now.
But it’s a regular night with the two of them laying on his bed. Ricky’s scrolling on his iPad, scrolling to find the show that he was watching yesterday when Gyuvin finally brings it up.
“Do you want to be in my Birthday Live?”
“Of course,” Ricky says, without missing a beat. He says it like it’s a given, doesn’t even look up from his iPad when he answers that Gyuvin’s left reeling for a second.
He doesn’t even realize he’s gawking until Ricky finally lifts his gaze from the device perched on his lap, one eyebrow raised as he says, “Unless you don’t want me to be?”
“No, no, of course I want you,” Gyuvin says quickly.
“You want me…?” He can hear the smile in Ricky’s voice.
Maybe he would be embarrassed any other time, but the need to poke fun at him has always taken precedence over any shame he’d normally feel. After all, it’s Ricky and he always likes seeing him flustered.
“I want you,” Gyuvin repeats. “We haven’t even kissed since that day.”
It’s meant to be a joke, but it is true. Even though they’ve gotten close, they haven’t really had the time or energy to do anything more than talk.
He’s so used to just staying in Ricky’s orbit that he’d forgotten how it felt to have more than just that.
But as Ricky leans in, everything feels like it’s moving in slow motion as he closes the distance between them.
Ricky is so ethereal— and even more so up close. He’s seen comments from people who have seen Ricky at KCON and more, and everyone always said something along those lines.
Someone once said they wonder how it feels to see Ricky’s face everyday, and honestly, Gyuvin can’t really blame them— he would wonder too if he hadn’t been in the same agency.
It’d taken him months to get used to seeing him on a daily basis.
He feels the pressure of Ricky’s lips against his lips, and then it’s gone— just like that, without even a second to savor it.
“Are your eyes open?” Ricky asks suddenly.
“Wha— No?” Gyuvin hurriedly closes his eyes, but it’s too late.
“I knew it!” Ricky exclaims, though never loudly. “I felt you looking at me.”
There’s no denying it, so he quickly resigns himself to his fate.
“You caught me~” Gyuvin admits. “I guess I’ll have to make up for it then.”
“How? Are you going to treat me again?”
“I already do,” he points out. “But,” he leans forward and presses a kiss to the corner of his mouth, then his lips. “I don’t mind.”
✧
Time goes by quick when you have a busy schedule. They’re always preparing for something with no break in between. They have the occasional hour to themselves, but most of the time everyone is too tired to do anything but lay down together and talk.
Then the day of Gyuvin’s Birthday Live arrives. It goes by painlessly, and Ricky seems more comfortable than he was in his own Birthday Live.
In fact, he has a hand on Gyuvin’s chair during the entire Live, sitting so close and leaning into him that Gyuvin worries a little. But he promptly forgets amidst all of the excitement.
Thankfully, Gunwook is there to keep them on track. He steers the conversation and directs the attention away from them whenever Gyuvin or Ricky get distracted by the other.
Finally, the Live clicks off, abrupt.
“This is mine,” Ricky says to Gyuvin, as soon as the Live is over. He’d switched back to speaking in English, their usual, so Gyuvin falls back into it too.
“What is?” He asks.
Ricky lifts his finger, and the tip of his fingertip pokes into Gyuvin’s chest. It’s a light touch, but he’s all too aware of their proximity, their bodies so close he can feel the heat emanating off of Ricky. They’re still as close as they were during the Birthday Live.
“What are you saying?” Gyuvin laughs goodnaturedly. “It’s my birthday today. The presents are mine.”
“Yeah,” Ricky says. He tilts his head as if considering. “But I get something too.”
Gyuvin pokes his cheek, smiling cheekily as he says, “Okay. What do you want?”
“You.” Ricky’s answer is quick, no hesitation whatsoever, and Gyuvin swats him on the shoulder because he knows Ricky had to have thought it through before saying it. He’s that kind of person.
But that doesn’t mean he has to flirt with him like he does with Zeroses…
Then, “Your heart,” Ricky adds as if Gyuvin needs any further clarification.
“You can’t have it,” Gyuvin says after a moment. He draws the moment out, watching (in delight) as Ricky’s eyebrows furrow and his mouth takes on a frown, before he continues. “Because you already have it. You know that.”
There’s a pause. Gyuvin lets him think, because the world is too fast for someone like Ricky. But he’ll wait like he always does, because some things and some people are worth waiting for.
He can’t stop time, but he can fill in all the spaces so no one will ever suspect a thing. That sometimes he buys time, and most of the time it’s for a boy with a tattoo on his neck and stars in his eyes.
“Do I?” Ricky says, but the corners of his lips turn up. “Wouldn’t that make your presents mine then?”
His voice is teasing, and Gyuvin finds himself smiling despite himself. “Is this all a ploy to steal my presents?”
“Maybe,” Ricky says.
Gyuvin laughs.
They both know that Gyuvin will share everything with Ricky anyway. When he had seen the ramen packaging, his first thought was that he’d save this for a night when they got extra snacky.
“I love you,” Gyuvin says sincerely. “I really, really love you, you know.”
“...I know,” Ricky says after a moment. “I love you too.”
His ears are pink with embarrassment. Gyuvin touches his ear gently, grinning as he closes the distance between them.
He feels Ricky smile into the kiss, and oh— how he wouldn’t trade this for anything in the world.