Work Text:
Thomas had just returned home from a less-than-awesome family gathering and all the sides were a bit worse for wear.
Virgil was about to have a panic attack with all of the social interaction, stress, and anxiety that came with talking to old relatives that he hadn’t seen in years. Not to mention he didn’t get any sleep last night because he was too busy worrying over the gathering.
Roman was…. Frazzled, to say the least. He had to keep Thomas looking put together while getting his ego bruised from all the disappointment from old relatives. He’s going to be sore tomorrow.
Logan needed some downtime to read or do a puzzle, or something. He had to deal with the illogical remarks from relatives and try to convince them that they were wrong. It usually didn’t work.
Janus didn’t feel good. He wasn’t exactly sick, he just felt like he could collapse at any second. Even though Thomas did let a couple of lies slip through while talking to relatives, being self-preservation as well as being Deceit, Thomas wasn’t exactly thinking of his needs during and before the party.
Remus was trying to restrain himself. He was trying not to make any gross or dirty jokes or comments, and also not to make Thomas punch a relative in the face. He was getting fidgety and he was about to pounce on someone.
Patton felt sick. And not just like he has a cold sick, like It’s too cold and too hot and everything hurts and I’m about to throw up sick. During the gathering, Thomas bottled up most of his emotions so he would seem fine with all the hurtful comments and disappointing looks when in reality, it hurt. They were hurting his heart.
When they got back to the common room, they were all making a beeline to their rooms.
All except one.
“Patton, are you okay?” Roman asked when he was halfway up the stairs. When he asked that, everyone turned to look at Patton.
Patton was just standing in the living room pale and visibly shaking looking like he was going to be sick right there on the floor.
Oh shit maybe he is, Roman thought right before Patton threw up all over the floor.
“Crap!” Virgil yelled when they all came running back down the stairs.
When they got to Patton he had stopped vomiting, but he was swaying like he was going to fall.
Roman gripped his shoulders to try and get his attention, “Patton?! Hey Patton! Can you hear me?”
Patton’s eyes were glassy and unfocused. They were also starting to close.
“No no no Patton, stay with me!”
That’s when his knees buckled and Roman caught him.
“Patton?!!” Roman shouted, panicking. Which is the last thing we need, Janus thought.
Janus sighed and decided he was going to be the one fixing this situation judging by the others who were still frozen in shock. “Roman, move him to the couch.”
Roman snapped back to attention and moved to lay Patton on the couch.
They all stood there for a minute not really sure what to do.
Remus finally broke the silence. “What do we do now?”
Everyone looked to Logan and Janus for answers. They looked at each other for a moment and decided that they would have to take charge. Like always.
“Well, first we need to figure out why this happened,” Logan said thoughtfully. “I think we can all agree that it was the family gathering, yes?”
Everyone nodded their heads. “We’re all a bit… uh… what’s the word?” Roman asked.
“Exhausted?”
“Disoriented?”
“Hurt?”
“Drained?”
“Trying not to punch relatives in the fucking face?”
The rest of them provided.
“Yeah, that,” Roman was too tired to think right now. All of them looked like they could collapse right then and there. But unfortunately, they could not just sleep right now, Patton was unconscious on the couch deathly pale and shivering. Not to mention the vomit all over the floor.
Speaking of, Patton’s vomit did not look normal. It was all colorful. Red, green, blue, purple, yellow.
Roman walked up to it. “Why is it so colorful?”
Everyone turned to look at it and started wondering the same thing.
Virgil spoke up, “Yeah, it doesn’t look like stomach contents.”
“Unless he ate an entire box of crayons,” Remus supplied.
“Why the fuck would he eat an entire box of crayons??”
“I don’t know what he eats! He seems like the type of person that would do that!”
“How do you know the type of person that does that?!”
“Stop it both of you! I highly doubt that Patton has consumed a box of crayons,” Logan says after he’s had enough of their arguing. He turned back to the vomit, “Roman and Virgil are right, that is not normal for someone to regurgitate. Why is it colorful?”
“You don’t know?” Janus asked, confused. How do they not know?
“Do we not know what?” Logan said now also confused.
Everyone was looking at him with the same level of confusion.
Janus walked over to the vomit. “These are feelings. When there are too many of them for Patton to handle, he throws them up.”
“And how did you know this and we didn’t?” Virgil asks suspiciously.
Janus looks at him, “I know everyone’s secrets.”
They all paled a little at that.
“Oh don’t worry, I don’t go around sharing them. They are secrets for a reason. I only share them when it is needed and in this case,” He gestures to Patton, “It very much was.”
“Ok,” Roman speaks up after a few minutes of letting that sink in, “I get that when there are too many emotions Patton throws them up,” He walks over and sits next to Patton on the couch.
“But why is he so warm? And shivering? And pale?”
Janus thinks that over for a minute, “Well from the looks of it, I would say he’s sick.”
“That still doesn’t explain why he’s sick,” Logan says.
“I… I don’t know. I don’t know why he’s sick. We are going to have to talk to Thomas,” Janus said.
They all glanced at Patton worriedly. Then Virgil asked, “Should we take him with us?”
Logan was the one who answered the question, “No, we should leave him here so he can rest.”
With that, they all sunk out to talk to Thomas.
_____________________________
Thomas was lying on the couch watching TV trying to relax after that awful family gathering. And look, he loves his family, it was his distant relatives who were disappointed and making hurtful comments toward him.
Anyway, he was watching TV when his sides showed up. All except one.
“Oh hey, guys. Why do you look so bad?” Thomas asked, confused.
They all looked terrible. They were all pale and they looked dead tired. Roman’s hair was mussed up and his face was slightly bruised, Logan’s glasses and tie were crooked and he didn’t seem to care, Virgil’s eyes were wide and bloodshot, and the eyeshadow under his eyes was darker than usual, Janus’ cloak was wrinkled and he looked like he was about pass out, and Remus was shaking and fidgeting with wild eyes.
“And where’s Patton!?” Thomas said when he realized his morality was missing.
“That is precisely why we are here Thomas,” Logan said while trying to readjust his tie and glasses, seeming to just now notice that they were crooked.
“The family gathering did a number on us. Especially Patton,” Roman supplied.
“He is currently lying on the couch unconscious after having vomited on the floor,” Logan said.
“It was a pretty good amount, some of the best I’ve ever seen,” Remus unhelpfully supplied.
Well, Thomas was definitely worried now. “What?! Why? I mean, I know it was probably the gathering but do you guys even vomit?”
“Well, kind of,” Janus spoke up, “It wasn’t stomach contents, it was feelings. When Patton gets too full of emotions, too much for him to handle, he throws them up.”
“Oh… I… I had no idea.”
“None of us did…” Virgil looked ashamed. How could he have not known? Did Patton not trust him enough to tell him? Has Patton told him and he just forgot? Has this happened before without his noticing? Well, whatever the reason, he can’t do anything about it now. He’s just going to have to wait until Patton wakes up and figure out why he felt like he needed to hide this from Virgil. And the other sides.
“Is he going to be okay?” Thomas asked, sounding like he was trying not to cry.
“I… I-I don’t…. I don’t know!” Logan said desperately. Tears started to spill over his eyes and down his cheeks.
Everyone looked alarmed when Logan started crying. None of them have ever seen him cry. They didn’t even know he was capable of crying.
“Logan…” Thomas said shocked. Everyone else had equal levels of shock on their faces.
“I hate not knowing! Especially when it comes to this! When it comes to Patton…” He trailed off when he broke into another sob.
Roman started to try and reassure Logan, “It’ll be ok Logan! Patton will be okay! Right guys? Right?” He started to sound desperate. He wanted -– No, he needed for Patton to be okay. He doesn’t know what he would do without him.
“Not if he and Thomas don’t face their feelings,” Janus said.
“How do I do that?” Thomas asked.
“Well, you and Patton will have to talk it out, like you usually do with these things.”
Remus, who had gone over to comfort Logan (Which surprised everyone — Even Janus), finally spoke up, “This wasn’t just because of the family gathering Tommy. These not-so-good emotions have been building for a while. The family gathering was just the gravy on the mashed potatoes.”
“I thought that metaphor was going to be a lot more grotesque,” Virgil commented.
“Me too, they usually are,” Roman added.
“Well ExCuSe me! I’m a little stressed right now, considering everything that’s happened! Sue a guy for not being able to think of a good metaphor. I am trying really hard not to kill you and hang you up in my closet!”
“EW!” Thomas screeched.
“Is this really an important conversation right now?!” Janus was getting fed up with their arguing. They had more important matters to discuss! Like what Remus just said about Patton.
“Remus,” Remus turned to look at Janus, “How did you know about all of Patton’s built-up emotions?”
Remus looked at him for a minute before answering, “Just like you can sense lies, and Virgil can sense large bursts of adrenaline, I can sense when someone has intrusive thoughts. And Patty-cake has been having quite a few of those.”
“That—that doesn’t make sense though! Why would Patton be having intrusive thoughts?” Vigil asked confused. How had he not noticed that Patton was doing so badly?
“I don’t know exactly what he’s thinking or why,” Remus continued, “But there have been several occasions that I have had the urge to stick my hand in a pot of boiling water or a pan with hot oil.”
The others looked horrified at this.
“I never did it, so that means that Patton probably didn’t, but… it did concern me,” Remus hung his head down. He should’ve confronted Patton about this before it got this bad! They don’t have the best relationship, but that’s because they never talk to each other. He’s sure they would probably get along if he had an actual conversation with Patton. Maybe not if he makes comments like he usually does, but he’s sure that Patton can handle them. Maybe.
“It did?” Roman asked vaguely confused. Since when did Remus care?
“Yes! I care!”
“Not usually.”
“Well, maybe I just like Patton okay?!”
They all looked at Remus with a level of confusion, but they didn’t push.
Thomas started again, “If Patton was having those thoughts, why wasn’t I?”
“Because it is my job to regulate your intrusive thoughts. If another side has them, it won’t affect you any. I have to think of them directly,” Remus answered.
“Huh,” Thomas said thoughtfully, “I didn’t know that.”
“Thrust me, there’s a lot about us that you don’t know,” Janus said ominously.
“W-what?” Thomas looked thoroughly freaked out by Janus’ words.
“We’ll talk about this later. Right now, we need to check on Patton,” Virgil didn’t want to talk about this right now. Yes, they have secret abilities that even each other doesn’t know about, but now was not the time to find them out.
“Do I come with you?” Thomas asked.
Logan had calmed down by this point, “I think it would be beneficial for you to come. We’ve left him alone for too long already. We need to go now.”
Thomas started at the ferocity that Logan had taken on by the end of his sentence. “Ok then, let’s go.”
And they all sunk out once more.
___________________________
Patton wasn’t on the couch when they all rose into the common room.
“Where did he go?!” Roman was panicking again.
“Roman, I need You to calm down,” Janus tried to help.
“Calm down? CALM DOWN?! This is a very stressful situation and Patton is missing! I can’t just CALM DOWN!!”
“Roman,” Virgil said, his tempest tough slipping through. They could all tell that he was panicking too, “As much as I hate to say it, Janus is right. We need to stay calm and find him. Look around.”
Roman looked at him for a second and then took a deep breath, “OK. Ok! Let’s look around. He couldn’t have gotten far.”
While they were all looking, Thomas went up to Logan, “Logan… How sick was he?”
Logan sighed, “He was pretty bad. He was very pale, shivering, and,” He took a deep breath, “He looked exhausted. I know we all do and are, but… he was worse. I’m not sure if the others noticed, but I did. He did pass out I guess.”
“Yeah, that’s a pretty good sign to tell if someone’s exhausted.”
“That’s true,” Logan looked like he was about to cry again.
Thomas didn’t say anything else. He didn’t know what to say if he was being honest. He felt he was going to cry again also. This had never happened before. Yes, there was that one time when Virgil ducked out, but this was different. Virgil had always been angsty, yes it was still shocking and a little heartbreaking when he did that, but he never would have expected this from Patton. The intrusive thoughts, him hiding his feelings again–well, actually that wasn’t surprising. But they talked about how repression is bad several times now. Old habits die hard, he supposes.
After a couple minutes of searching, Remus came running to the others, “I FOUND HIM!!”
“Where?” Virgil asked.
“Bathroom.”
“Shit,” Virgil went running.
“Wait!” Thomas yelled.
“No,” Virgil stopped on the stairs, “You guys stay here. I don’t to overwhelm him. I’ll be back with him so we can all talk.”
Everyone nodded reluctantly and sat in the living room. Virgil started back up the stairs to get Patton.
______________________________
When Virgil got up the stairs he immediately walked to the bathroom. The door was open and he could see Patton bent over the toilet.
“Patton? Can I help you? Please,” Virgil asked pleadingly. He knows Patton never willingly asks for help but right now, he really needed some.
He took Patton’s whimpering as a yes. He walked into the bathroom and looked over Patton’s shoulder. His breath caught in his throat.
That’s a lot of feelings.
“Hey, Pat, it’s gonna be okay, everything’s ok,” He couldn’t make himself say ‘I promise’. It felt like lying, and he does not like to lie. Not that he doesn’t think that everything won’t be okay, but he is anxiety, and he can’t help but think that nothing will ever be the same again. And maybe it won’t, and maybe that’s a good thing because from what he’s heard, Patton needs help. So that’s what they're going to give him.
After a few minutes, Patton stopped vomiting and turned to look at Virgil. For the second time since coming into the bathroom, Virgil struggled to breathe.
Patton looked horrible. His eyes were glassy and he had huge bags underneath them, he was incredibly pale, he was sweaty and shivering, and he had vomit–feelings, whatever– on his shirt.
“Fuck,” Virgil murmured under his breath. Patton didn’t even flinch. “Okay Patton, can you walk?”
Patton thought for a moment, “Y–Yeah, I think so,” Patton’s voice was barely above a whisper and was hoarse.
Virgil nodded, “Alright, we’re gonna go downstairs okay? Everyone is waiting for us. We are going to help you.” He extended his arm for Patton to grab.
Patton looked at his arm and silently grabbed it. He hauled himself up with a grunt and leaned on Virgil for support. He was breathing heavily as if that took all his energy.
It probably had, Virgil thought worriedly.
They slowly made their way downstairs, Patton leaning on Virgil and Virgil basically carrying Patton.
Once they made it to the bottom of the stairs everyone else went to help Patton to the couch. He was panting, sweaty, and whimpering slightly.
Once Patton was seated on the couch, everyone crowded around him, leaving a space for Thomas to be next to him on the couch.
“Patton, can you look at me?” Thomas asked.
Patton looked at him and he had the urge to cry again.
Patton’s eyes were glassy and he looked like he would pass out again. How could Thomas have let this go this far? He knew something was wrong, he felt it, but he just put it off because he was scared.
“Patton,” Thomas started, “I know you have been feeling bad, and I’m so sorry I didn’t do anything about it sooner. But I want to fix it. You don't have to hide your feelings from us. We want to help you, no matter what you’re feeling.”
Patton’s eyes started watering. He looked away from Thomas, “I–I don’t know what to do,” He whispered, “I feel like I can’t do anything right anymore. I’ve made so many mistakes and hurt all of you. Especially you two!” He points at Janus and Remus. “I haven’t been treating you with the respect and acceptance you deserve. I used to think you just wanted to hurt Thomas, but that’s not true at all! Janus, you’re self-preservation! You help Thomas take care of himself! You reign me in when my influence is too strong! When I’m hurting Thomas.” Tears were rolling down his cheeks. “Remus, I used to think that you were gross and Thomas didn’t need your commentary or the intrusive thoughts, but that was so wrong of me. You are part of his creativity. You are part of his sense of humor with the dirty jokes, and the dark humor. That’s important! He jokes around with his friends!!! And I thought it was wrong. I–I thought you were wrong…” He trailed off and started sobbing.
Everyone was looking at him with equal looks of shock, especially Janus and Remus. Patton just apologized to them. For being wrong.
“I know I’m a lot sometimes. I know that I hurt Thomas when I have too much influence on him, and… and I hate myself for that. Remus, you've probably been getting some of my thoughts. I haven’t acted on any of them, but I’ve been so so tempted. And I’m scared!” He was really crying now, “And you guys don’t owe me anything. I know I have also hurt all of you too. Logan, Virgil, and Roman… and I can’t handle that! Don’t think I can ever forgive myself for that.”
Patton broke down and started sobbing so hard it looked painful.
Virgil got up, and to everyone’s surprise, went over to Patton, and engulfed him in a hug.
Patton looked the most shocked of them all, “You’re… you’re h–hugging me–e?”
“You looked like you needed one,” Virgil responded with tears in his eyes.
“Patton…” Thomas stared at him with wide eyes, “You have been carrying all these burdens and self-destructive thoughts, by yourself. That’s not healthy! You need to talk to us, Patton! Please, let us help you.” He hugged Patton on the other side of Virgil.
Logan got up and joined the hug, tears rolling down his stoic face, “Patton, I am not mad at you. I was… upset that I wasn’t listened to, but I don’t blame you.”
Roman was next, sitting on the floor, putting his head in Patton’s lap, and wrapping his arms around Patton’s middle, “Padre, I was mad at you, but I’m not anymore. Clearly, you have been beating yourself up about this enough, I don’t need to do it for you.”
Remus ran over to Patton and practically tackled him, “I don’t blame you Patty-cake! I can be gross, and I love it! I do want to hang out with you more cause I love your terrible jokes! I just don’t want you to get hurt,” His voice took on an edge of sincerity at the end.
Janus was last, and to everyone’s surprise and shock, he walked over and kissed Patton on the forehead. Patton looked at him with a look of complete shock, “As much as I love to hear that apology, but it’s unnecessary. I don’t blame you for being untrusting. I am your opposite, but you know what? You were the first person to accept me.”
Patton looked at everyone and for the first time that day, he smiled. It was watery mind you, but it was something. And he might not be okay right now, but he’ll get there with the help of the other sides–his partners–and his host.
They stayed like that for a while, just enjoying each other’s company after that awful family gathering. Someone turned on a movie after a while and Patton fell asleep within the first 20 minutes of the movie. Virgil smiled and covered him up with a blanket. He was being used as Patton’s pillow and you know what? He wouldn’t want to have it any other way.