Chapter Text
In the end, Xie Lian lasted only five days.
He truly meant to last longer, he really did. He had started with the fullest intentions of finishing out the week. But, towards the end, the punishment he was dishing out to Hua Cheng started to feel more like a punishment for himself.
On that fateful day, his anger hadn’t diminished once they had returned home from the farmer’s market. He had really been disappointed in his husband’s behaviour but, to his surprise, Hua Cheng hadn’t reacted like he thought he would. Xie Lian had expected cajoling, heavy flirting and potentially some begging to go along with it. Instead, Hua Cheng had still been in a daze, following him back to their apartment like a meek little lamb. They had gone through the motions of a regular evening, both of them preparing dinner and cleaning up the kitchen as they went. Hua Cheng hadn’t even tried to lay a hand on him and Xie Lian was grateful for that. He would have had some stern words to say if he had.
Xie Lian was the one who kept up the chatter, talking about his day whilst steadfastly ignoring the fact that he had been followed for most of it. Hua Cheng mostly responded with nods and guilty grunts and Xie Lian hadn’t pushed him. Doing that whilst his anger was still simmering would have likely resulted in an argument and the rare occasions where they had argued usually ended in a heavy bout of make-up sex.
The last thing he had wanted was to give his husband was the satisfaction of that.
His anger had softened by the end of the evening but it was still there, calm and petty and ready to be unleashed. When Hua Cheng had got to bed that night, Xie Lian had already placed a line of pillows down the centre of their huge bed, ensuring that Hua Cheng couldn’t try to spoon him like they usually did. When he had made a sound of protest, Xie Lian had just glared at him until he had gotten quietly into bed and turned off the light. Xie Lian had then settled down to a peaceful night, drifting away without the bulk of his husband’s body at his back for the first time since before their wedding night.
It was only after that first night that it had started to get difficult.
He had woken up before his husband and been confronted with the sight of Hua Cheng’s body adorably slung over the wall of pillows. His leg was curled over one pillow and his arm was thrown over another, like he had tried to scale it to reach Xie Lian in his sleep. His eye was closed and his expression soft and Xie Lian had felt the first pangs of regret in his chest. Any other morning, he would have reached over to press a kiss to his husband’s brow, wake him up softly with gentle touches but instead, he forced himself to get up and get ready for work. It felt strange to leave their apartment without a goodbye kiss and it sat oddly and heavily in his stomach as he closed their front door.
He felt like he was denying himself and he didn’t like it.
His day at work had flown past so normally, he barely even registered it. His walk to the shop had felt freeing but also a little empty and he was almost frustrated at himself for missing his husband’s presence. He had been chafing against it for a while now, it didn’t feel right that he missed it so much. He also noticed how none of Hua Cheng’s men surfaced at all during the day. There were no cars outside watching the shop like hawks, no tall gangsters in suits wandering in, pretending to be interested in bouquets. Xie Lian was glad that none of them were there distracting him from genuine customers but he did ponder what that meant. Were they backing off because they had finally gotten the message from Xie Lian? Or had his husband ordered this to try and win back his favour?
He wasn’t sure which answer he preferred.
His confused feelings were not helped by the fact that when he did get home, Hua Cheng made no attempts to try and touch him. He had been expecting that his husband would be clingier than ever and that he would be fighting to keep his hands away. Hua Cheng had always been like that, since the first early days of their relationship. He had never been able to resist resting a calm hand on his shoulder when they were standing side by side or linking their fingers together in an idle moment. It had become normal for Xie Lian to feel hands sliding around his waist when he was cooking or washing up and those same hands would always reach for his when they were sitting on the sofa. It was something that Xie Lian had grown used to and he had steeled himself to push them away when the time came.
Only he never had to.
That first evening, once he had walked home from the shop all alone, Hua Cheng had greeted him warmly when he had walked through the door but he made no moves to try and embrace him. Xie Lian had been surprised when he remained on their sofa, a fresh pot of tea on the table in front of him that he eagerly poured a cup from. He had felt a little dazed himself when he sat down, keeping a bit of distance between them as he took the cup.
Hua Cheng had acted like everything was normal, asking him about his day and filling his cup when it was empty, but he never tried to touch him. He didn’t try to linger when he reached over to pour more tea, his feet never tried to inch closer to his body on the sofa. They had a perfectly normal pleasant conversation but the entire time, Xie Lian was painfully aware of the distance between them. It was so small but it felt like a canyon was between them. It didn’t feel right and he was cross at himself for being cross about it.
He was the one who had started this after all. He didn’t have the right to feel upset about it.
His frustrations only continued as the evening went on. They made dinner and Hua Cheng made sure to keep a respectable distance between them that made Xie Lian want to pout. He gave him such a wide berth that, at any other time, Xie Lian would have thought he was ill and trying not to get him sick. When they went to bed, Hua Cheng wished him a sweet goodnight but then got into his side of the bed without protest. He didn’t try to move any of the pillows that separated them and that made Xie Lian want to cry. He turned on his side, facing away from the barrier of his own making and tried to fall asleep. He wanted to feel his husband holding him but he bit down the urge to turn around and throw all the pillows to the floor.
He had set the rules. He had to follow them just as much as Hua Cheng did.
He didn’t sleep well that second night. He woke up early again and ended up just lying there, listening to his husband’s soft breathing and aching to curl his body around him. He left for work early and was irritable for the rest of the day. He hated that he was feeling like this but the worst part was that he was the one who had set it all in motion.
Why had he made such a ridiculous threat? And why couldn’t Hua Cheng have just stayed at home like he wanted? He wasn’t sure who he was more cross at.
This continued for the next three days. It was a routine that Xie Lian slowly came to despise. He would wake up early and leave early, getting to the flower shop and taking out his frustrations on the poor plants that had done nothing wrong. He would work all day to try and distract himself before going home, to his husband who was just as loving as before but from a careful distance that made Xie Lian feel like he was going mad. He had felt so in control before but sometimes, it felt like he was a thread away from snapping. Sometimes, he would look at Hua Cheng doing something perfectly ordinary, like clearing away their plates or flicking through the channels on TV, and he would feel such a rush of emotions that it made him want to tackle him to the ground.
He restrained himself from doing so. Somehow, ending the punishment early felt like a waste, like all the efforts he had put in before would be pointless if he caved.
However, he knew he couldn’t last forever and the moment where he did snap came sooner than he thought.
It was on the fifth day of the punishment, when he had just returned from work. He opened the front door of their apartment quietly and leaned against it with a deep sigh when it was closed. It had really not been a good day.
It had started off badly when a delivery of long-awaited flowers he needed for a wedding had never arrived. He had chased it over the phone for over an hour and, after several vague promises and little to no information, it had finally arrived with only half the blooms he needed. He had then had to have an unpleasant phone call with the unhappy bride who was very upset that she wasn’t getting what she had asked for. He had offered a compromise but she was adamant that they be made exactly how she wanted them and then made several threats to take her business elsewhere. That had would have been draining enough but the shop itself was also very busy and Xie Lian had to bear the brunt of several complaints, most of which he could do nothing about. By lunchtime, he felt like tearing his long hair out. How was it his fault that tulips didn’t grow at this time of year? He didn’t control the seasons!
It had been such a terrible day that his co-worker had offered to close instead of him and she had insisted he leave over two hours early. He had felt so awful that he had meekly agreed and even let her physically push him out of the door.
Now he was home, he just felt empty. His empathy was long gone and his chest felt so hollow, he was surprised he couldn’t hear his heart rattling inside him when he moved. He moved quietly into the living room to dump his work bag and was surprised that there was no sign of Hua Cheng. He stood quietly to see if he could hear anything but the whole flat was silent.
Xie Lian looked around and his shoulders sagged. He had quietly hoped his husband would be here but he knew better than anyone how erratic and unpredictable Hua Cheng’s work could be. He had not only his legitimate real estate business but also all his other unsavoury dealings to keep a hold on as well. It was a wonder how he kept on top of it, though Xie Lian knew he had a lot of help from his assistant Yin Yu. Whatever Hua Cheng was paying him, he earned every penny.
Dejected, Xie Lian made his way to their bedroom. His bones were tired and his head hurt. If he was alone and couldn’t vent to his husband, the next best thing would be curling up under the covers and having a nice long nap. That would loosen the exhaustion that was slowly taking hold of him and hopefully, when he woke up, Hua Cheng would be home. That would still be nice, even if he wouldn’t hold him.
He didn’t dare to think that it would be nicer if he would.
He made his way towards their room and slowly opened the door. He expected the room to be empty and that he would just be able to flop onto the bed and get some much-needed sleep but what was there stopped him in his tracks.
Hua Cheng was lying on their bed, leaning on a pile of pillows stacked up against the headboard with a book in his hands. He was wearing black sweatpants with a red t-shirt and his hair was all loose, without his signature braid. His eyes were locked onto the pages as he quietly read and for a second, Xie Lian just watched his long pale fingers as he turned a page. The sight of them nearly brought him to tears.
He had never been so envious of a book before.
It took only a few seconds for Hua Cheng to notice that he was being watched. He looked up at Xie Lian in the doorway with concern pooling in his eye and he put the book to the side, not even marking the page as he sat up.
“Gege? I wasn’t expecting you home this early, I didn’t hear you come in. What happened? Is something wrong?”
His worried words made Xie Lian feel like he was crumbling. He hated the fact that, despite how anxious he looked, Hua Cheng was still sitting on the bed instead of over here comforting him. He hated the fact that it was because of a punishment he had set even more.
The exhaustion of his awful day, coupled with the feelings of guilt and frustration that had been building up over the last few days, was overwhelming and he felt like he could collapse under their sheer weight.
Hua Cheng was looking at him with so much care and his heart couldn’t take it. He shouldn’t be looked at in that way, not with so much love after what he had put him through. In that moment, he felt like he was back in the scrapyard, a pitiful creature that wanted to be left to rot with the rubbish he sorted through. Back then, he had thought he was incapable of ever feeling love again and yet here he was, overwhelmed and overflowing with it.
Hua Cheng moved his arm like he was about to reach out to him with it but then he stopped, holding it back almost shamefully.
It was then that Xie Lian’s resolve snapped like a twig.
With an urgency that surprised even him, he rushed over to the bed and threw himself into his husband’s arms. He did it with such force that Hua Cheng was catapulted back onto the pile of pillows he had made and it sent a shockwave through the bed that nearly sent his book flying. His arms automatically went around him, one hand in his hair and another tenderly on the small of his back and Xie Lian could have sobbed at how carefully he was being held. He pressed his face into the side of his husband’s neck and his entire body relaxed.
He felt like he could finally breathe.
Underneath him, Hua Cheng had gone almost completely still. Xie Lian’s body was lying fully on top of him like a blanket, making him unable to move and both of them knew he wouldn’t struggle. Xie Lian could almost hear the cogs turning in his brain as he tried to catch up with what had just happened. His hands stayed where they were but they were hesitant, like he was worried Xie Lian would scold him. When he did finally speak, his voice was quiet and disbelieving and it broke Xie Lian all over again.
“Gege?”
“I’m sorry.” Xie Lian said, burying his face in Hua Cheng’s neck again as he squeezed him tightly. “I’ve been so horrible and cruel to you these past few days and I hate myself for it. I never should have made that stupid threat.”
“Gege, it should be me who is sorry.” Hua Cheng’s hand came to rest on the top of Xie Lian’s head and he could feel his fingers gliding through his hair in a long soothing motion. “I was the one who betrayed you. You told me not to send anyone after you and I did anyway, for purely selfish reasons. You warned me what would happen and I willingly accepted those consequences. It is nothing more than I deserve.”
“You were only doing it to look out for me.” Xie Lian sniffed. The relief of being back in his husband’s arms was almost too great to bear. Mixed with the crushing guilt of what he had put him through was mixing in his chest in a dangerous potion and it was bringing more tears to his eyes that he was trying to hide in his husband’s shoulder. “You’re not wrong about the world… It is harsh and unforgiving, we know that all too well. I knew how worried you were about the kidnappers still being out there. I should have been more considerate.”
“And I should have remembered just exactly who I’m married to.” Hua Cheng was smiling as he looked down at him. He put one hand under his chin and gently tipped his face up so that they were staring directly into each other’s gazes. “You reminded me of that at the market Gege. You were so powerful, so bright that all I wanted to do was bask in your glow. I felt like such an idiot. How could anyone possibly go up against you and win? That was why I didn’t try to push you. I didn’t feel worthy after I sold you so short.”
“Don’t be silly.” Xie Lian reached up so their faces were close together, so close that he could see every individual eyelash around Hua Cheng’s dark eye. “You are always worthy. You are worth everything to me.”
“You are everything to me.” Hua Cheng whispered the words like a prayer and it was enough to make Xie Lian’s heart break. “I don’t know what I would do if something happened to you.”
“It won’t. I won’t ever let it happen again.”
Xie Lian couldn’t hold back any longer and he leaned up just the tiniest bit more. He pressed his lips firmly against his husband’s and the resulting groan that rumbled in his throat almost made him dizzy. The hand on his back was suddenly firmer, pressing them closer, and the hand on his chin was now caressing his jawline. Xie Lian’s hands were grasping at his shoulders, clutching at the fabric of his t-shirt like he wanted to pull it out of shape. He only leaned back when the need for oxygen became too insistent to ignore and he immediately began pressing kisses to his husband’s cheek, relishing in the way he could hear his breath catch.
“Gege blesses this servant with more than he deserves.”
“Oh stop it.” Xie Lian smiled as he pulled back to enjoy the view. Hua Cheng had a giddy grin on his face and his eye was gleaming delightedly. He was looking up at Xie Lian with a devotion that he felt like he didn’t deserve and he tried to hide from it behind his hands. They were gently but swiftly pulled away and he couldn’t help but smile wider at it. He knew Hua Cheng was never going to let him get away with that.
“It’s true though, Gege has blessed me a thousandfold today.” He grinned before he tilted his head in curiosity. “What caused you to end this punishment two days early? Not that I’m complaining but I was looking forward to it.”
“San Lang.” Xie Lian smiled at his teasing before he rested his head on his shoulder. It felt right at home, exactly where he should be. “I had a really bad day at work and I… I missed you. I really missed you.”
“I was right here the whole time.”
“I know you were. But having you here and you not coming near me… It was awful. It felt awful. I hated it so much.”
“Gege, I’m so sorry. If I had known…”
“I didn’t want you to know.” Xie Lian sighed. “When I found you at the farmer’s market, I was so furious because I felt like you didn’t trust me to look after myself. It… It brought me back to thinking of when we met again, when I was at the scrapyard. I was so low and broken and… you not wanting me to leave without you made me think that you would only ever see me as that person. I was so weak and pathetic then and I don’t want you to see that in me ever again.”
“Oh sweetheart.” The arms around Xie Lian tightened as Hua Cheng turned his head to kiss his forehead. “You were never weak and pathetic. You are the strongest person I’ve ever met. You went through all that pain and came out the other side still as kind and loving as you were before… That still amazes me every day.” More kisses dotted his hairline and Xie Lian couldn’t resist lifting his head so that they would fall on his lips as well. “Forgive your foolish husband for ever making you think that I don’t believe in you. I worship the ground you walk on.”
“There’s nothing to forgive, San Lang.”
They exchanged more soft tender kisses as they lay there. Xie Lian could feel his husband’s warmth seeping into his veins and it felt like drinking water after the greatest thirst. He couldn’t believe he had denied himself this for so long. How had he not caved after that first night of sleeping without this?
The languid kisses stopped as Xie Lian drew his head back. He smiled when Hua Cheng made a small noise of protest and he placed his hands either side of his head, holding it gently.
“Is there anything I can do to make you less worried in the future? I would hate to think of you fretting about me if I’m out at work or somewhere else. As much as you hate it, we can’t be together all the time.”
“Not with that attitude, we can’t.” Hua Cheng grinned cheekily. Xie Lian rolled his eyes.
“Seriously San Lang.”
“Hmm.” He paused to give the question some thought. He was silent for a long moment and Xie Lian reassuringly stroked his face with his thumbs. “I don’t know. I wouldn’t want you to ever feel like I don’t trust you.”
“I know.” Xie Lian let one of his hands trail up to Hua Cheng’s hair and he chuckled as he almost purred at the contact. “But I’m sure we can work something out so that both of us can be happy when we’re apart. I don’t need this happening again.”
“Neither do I.” Hua Cheng’s throat rumbled as he ran both hands down his spine, making him shiver. “Do you know how tortuous it was having you in front of me and not being allowed to touch you? I felt like I was going crazy.”
“But you acted so calm!” Xie Lian tried to protest but he was met with a devilish smile.
“I don’t think I’ve exercised more restraint in my life Gege. But… now I don’t have to.”
Afterwards, Xie Lian knew he should have seen it coming. But he suspected that, even if he had, he wouldn’t have stopped it. Before he had a second to think, Hua Cheng had deftly flipped their positions, making him yelp as his back hit the mattress hard enough to make Hua Cheng’s book fly off the side of the bed. He tried to sit up but his husband’s body was suddenly in the way, his solid strong form pushing him down into the sheets and adding delicious pressure that he had ached to feel for days.
“San Lang!” Xie Lian spluttered helplessly as suddenly, his face was assaulted with kisses. They started as short sweet snappy pecks that were dotted all over his face, making him giggle. Long dark strands of hair were tickling his neck and making him squirm, which only made the onslaught faster. The kisses slowly became slower and deeper, moving like syrup across his skin in a way that made him shudder.
“San Lang…”
“Yes baby?” His question was teasing, whispered into the skin of his neck just before his lips latched onto it and sucked. It was harsh and unforgiving and it made Xie Lian throw his head back with a moan.
“You’re teasing me.”
“Of course.” Hua Cheng’s voice was as light as the tongue that skimmed the bruising mark he had just made. “I’ve missed teasing you.”
“San Lang…” Xie Lian’s back arched as Hua Cheng leaned back. He felt unbelievably exposed but too much excitement was thrumming under his skin for him to try and hide from his husband’s single roaming eye. Long pale hands travelling slowly down his body and created fireworks in his veins. “Don’t… don’t ever let me make that threat again.”
“I won’t.” Hua Cheng earnestly promised. “I don’t ever plan to do that again. And as for right now…”
His smile was wolfish as his hands gripped Xie Lian’s thighs and pushed them further apart. “I have five days worth of touching to catch back up on.”