Chapter Text
Chapter 4
According to Jungkook, it took way too long until it was Saturday. His friends couldn’t help but tease him about it, and even Jeonghan finally said something about Mingyu, which he regretted seconds later when Jimin started squealing.
‘Wait, he really is nervous?’ Jungkook asked, his jaw slack. ‘He said he’s a nervous wreck because he’s taking me out? Are you sure those were his exact words?’
Jimin threw his hands around Jungkook and kissed the top of his head a hundred times as Jungkook felt warm inside. ‘You two are so getting together soon!’
‘I should not have said that,’ Jeonghan sighed and groaned into his hands when Jimin excitedly shouted something about a double date. ‘He’s going to kill me.’
‘Aren’t you older?’ Taehyung reminded him.
‘I am, but he’s taller. I stand no chance.’
‘He is tall, right? Damn, I love it when a man is taller,’ Jungkook sighed. ‘And not just that. Have you guys seen his physique? He fucking muscular. I should ask him if he goes to the gym often. I think he does.’
Jeonghan groaned even more. ‘Can you guys go back to not talking again? I don’t want to hear you guys drooling over each other constantly.’
‘Oh my god. He drools over Jungkook too?’ Jimin asked, making Jeonghan rethink all his life decisions.
‘Oh my god,’ Jungkook exclaimed.
‘Do you like it?’
‘Oh my god.’
‘Is that a good oh my god or a bad one?’
‘Oh my god!’
‘Jungkook, just fucking tell me if you like it or not, I’m dying here,’ Mingyu shouted, making Jungkook burst out into laughter.
‘If I like it? I fucking love it! Let’s go inside.’
He grabbed Mingyu’s hand and pulled him inside.
Mingyu went to the desk and told the employee he had made a reservation for two hours under the name of Kim Mingyu, and soon they were getting instructions from the employees about how to handle a kart.
‘I always wanted to try indoor karting,’ Jungkook whispered into Mingyu’s ear when they were supposed to listen to the rules for when they were racing the circuits.
‘I kind of had the feeling you’re into anything that goes fast, hard or involves heights.’
‘You’re right. I’m an adrenaline junky.’
‘I like that about you,’ Mingyu smirked. ‘As long as you promise me you won’t force me to go bungee jumping with you. I hate heights. I’ll shit my pants.’
Jungkook snorted. ‘Now look at who’s cute.’
Mingyu pouted in return.
Mingyu turned out to be a formidable opponent. They had multiple races, and Mingyu would not let him win easily. Jungkook was always very competitive, and when someone tried to beat him, it lit a fire inside him. He eventually won with four against three and he definitely couldn’t help but repeat that a million times after they left the Indoor Kart track.
‘Don’t get used to this. Next time, I’ll beat you,’ Mingyu dared him.
So there would be a next time? Nice!
‘I really loved this date,’ Jungkook said as they walked to the car.
Mingyu’s eyebrows knitted together. ‘What do you mean “loved?” It’s not over yet. Didn’t I ask you to make sure your agenda was empty the entire day?’
The thought that this date wasn’t over yet made him even more excited than he let Mingyu know.
Mingyu took him to a restaurant where Jungkook ate the best Samgyeospal he ever had. The date was perfect so far. He and Mingyu talked and laughed for hours. It was so comfortable that it looked like they had been on dates for years.
Which is why the following thing threw Jungkook off.
When Jungkook tried to hold Mingyu’s hand just before dessert arrived, the man pulled his arm back faster than the speed of light and looked the other way. Jungkook wanted to apologize, but Mingyu was suddenly very busy watching an elderly couple argue at the table next to theirs.
Shortly after, dessert arrived and Mingyu looked uncomfortable the entire time.
Anxiety settled in Jungkook’s stomach. He shouldn’t have tried to hold Mingyu’s hand. He didn’t think it would be a big deal after what they did the other day, but it apparently was and he made their date very uncomfortable and awkward. He couldn’t help but feel like he ruined whatever there was between them.
After dessert, Mingyu paid for their dinner. Jungkook wanted to share the bill or maybe even pay for it entirely, but Mingyu declined, making Jungkook smile and question whether dessert indeed had been awkward.
‘Shall we talk a walk in the park together?’ Mingyu asked as he held the door open for Jungkook.
‘Uh… yeah, sure. Why not,’ Jungkook smiled at him, confused now.
The park was close by. They could walk down the winding path between the blossoms cherry blossom trees after a few streets. The entire time it had been silent and Jungkook wasn’t sure why. He had an internal battle going on. Should he or should he not ask Mingyu about the hand-holding? He wanted to know if he made a mistake or crossed a line. His intention was never to make Mingyu uncomfortable or disrespect his boundaries. But now they were walking outside, and he wondered if he had seen it correctly. It was just a hand pulling back. Maybe he misinterpreted it.
‘Can I ask you something personal?’ Mingyu asked as they walked down the path, his hands stuffed tightly into his pockets.
‘Always.’
‘You are gay, right?’
‘Yes,’ he nodded, looking at Mingyu’s face, which lit up underneath the setting sun.
‘How was coming out for you? Are your parents okay with it?’
Jungkook looked at a few birds flying over their heads and landing on a nearby tree.
‘If you don’t mind me asking. I know it’s a personal question,’ Mingyu quickly added. ‘It’s fine if you don’t want to answer.’
Jungkook looked back at Mingyu. ‘It’s okay. I don’t mind answering. Coming out wasn’t great, honestly.’
‘It wasn’t?’
He shook his head. ‘No, my parents weren’t exactly thrilled when I told them. I knew I liked boys since I was younger. I can’t remember since when. It just happened to be a part of me for as long as I can remember. But I was fifteen when I eventually told them. My mom went silent and my dad said not to talk about such nonsense since I was too young to know about love anyway.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Mingyu whispered.
‘I told them again a year later when I had my first crush. My dad rolled his eyes and said “Here we go again.” Another year later, my mom started talking to me out of the blue. She said she noticed how I looked at guys instead of girls when shopping with her. I can’t remember doing that. Isn’t that hilarious?’ he chuckled. ‘Apparently, I did it unconsciously. Anyway, my mom told me she saw me looking at guys my age when we passed them and how I completely ignored girls. My mom said that it would be difficult for her to adjust to my sexuality, but that I was her son and she loved me.’
‘That’s… confusing, but the last part is also nice. What about your dad? Did he come around too?’
‘No, not really. He refused to believe it for many more years. Said it was a phase and that it would go away once I found the right girl—all those cliche things. You know the drill,’ he shrugged. ‘Until now, they’re not really supportive. Although my mom is still sweet to me. The bond between me and my father never got back to how it was before I came out to them. He’s a lot colder to me now, but it is what it is. They’re my family, and I visit them whenever I’m in Busan, but honestly, I only go there whenever I really have to, such as on holidays, and whenever I can go with Jimin. I pay my family a one-day visit and spend the rest of the weekend at Jimin’s place.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Mingyu whispered. ‘That sucks. Is your mom okay with that? She doesn’t come to see you here in Seoul or want you to stay longer whenever you’re in Busan?’
He shrugged. ‘I don’t know. She never said it out loud, but I know she preferred me to be straight. She says she accepts it, but does she really? The fact that she lets my dad say those things to me is just as painful as my dad’s words.’
‘I can understand that. She could’ve stood up for you if she truly accepted your sexuality.’
‘Exactly,’ Jungkook nodded. ‘But it is what it is. I can’t change them and they can’t change me.’
‘That is beautifully said,’ Mingyu nodded and he suddenly stood still.
Jungkook turned to look at him. ‘Why are we stopping?’
‘I think I owe you an explanation,’ Mingyu mumbled.
‘What? Why?’
Mingyu swallowed as he stood in the middle of the road. ‘Because I ignored you for months after that night I almost kissed you. And I ignored you again for almost a week after I did kiss you at my birthday party. And in the restaurant, I… well, you know, I freaked out again.’
So there was something. Jungkook did not misinterpret things. Fuck…
‘You don’t owe me anything, Mingyu. It’s fine. You don’t have to explain if you don’t want to.’
‘But I want to,’ Mingyu said. ‘Promise me you won’t judge me.’
‘Gyu, you said that to me when I visited your place for the first time too and I will say the same thing again today: I won’t judge you. Ever. Okay?’
Mingyu swallowed and averted his gaze again. ‘Yeah, I know you said that. But… I don’t know. This is bigger than when I told you I never kissed a guy.’
‘ I won’t, I promise, Mingyu. You can tell me whatever feels okay for you to share, and I promise I won’t judge or tell anyone else.’
Mingyu looked at the trees around them. His eyes followed a squirrel jumping on a tree trunk and disappearing into the leaves.
‘I don’t see my family anymore. I don’t talk to them and they don’t want anything to do with me,’ he started talking while avoiding looking at Jungkook. ‘I haven’t talked to them or seen them ever since they found out I’m interested in men too. My parents are very religious, which is fine, don’t get me wrong. But in their case, they are also very against anything that is not straight. A man should love a woman and that’s it. Again, I have nothing against religion. I know people who are religious and are still okay with it. Fuck, maybe you are? I don’t know. I have never asked because I was too scared to hear your answer and-‘
Jungkook put his hand on Mingyu’s shoulder to stop him from rambling. ‘Hey, take a deep breath. It’s okay. I know not everyone’s like that. You don’t have to apologize.’
Mingyu looked at him, his eyes full of fear. It made Jungkook’s heart ache.
’There’s a bench over there. You want to sit down while telling me more?’
Mingyu looked at the bench, sighed heavily and then nodded. ‘Yeah.’
‘Ever since I was young they were very clear in their beliefs,’ Mingyu continued his story as they sat down. ‘When I was young, I didn’t notice that I wasn’t straight, and when I was a teen, it didn’t even occur to me that I felt the same about boys as I felt about girls. It was so drilled into my head that a man can’t like a man that I thought I experienced a deep friendship with someone. The love I felt for my first crush was love for him as a friend, not romantically. I thought about kissing him, but that thought made me sick, as if I was sinning. So I kept telling myself I was experiencing a deep friendship and nothing more. I always heard how horrible it was that one of my mom’s daughters was a lesbian and that she was happy she had “normal kids.” She said it must’ve been the mom’s fault for not being too firm, or that maybe her dad could’ve punished her more. It’s all bullshit, I know that now, but that’s what I grew up with.’
‘I understand,’ Jungkook sighed. His chest was tightening already, but he feared the worst was yet to come.
‘I fell in love with a girl first, but it wasn’t reciprocated. Not that it matters, because to me the only important thing was that it meant that I was straight, right? You can’t imagine how horrible I felt when I realized I fell in love with a guy a year later. I thought there was something wrong with me, I…’ he stopped talking to swallow and he looked at his hands. Jungkook followed his gaze and noticed how they were trembling.
He wanted to hold them, but hearing this story and knowing his reaction in the restaurant, he had an idea those two would be related and taking his hand in public again would be wrong.
‘I hated myself so much, Jungkook,’ Mingyu breathed out, voice barely more than a whisper. ‘So much. I thought I was getting punished by god for something I did wrong in my life. Fuck, I knew something was wrong with me because you’re not supposed to like a guy. My family said you would go to hell for even thinking about someone from the same gender like that. They made it very clear that they would immediately ban that person out of their lives. It didn’t matter if they were just vague acquaintances, friends or family. They said, and I quote: “We don’t want anything to do with those people.”
‘Oh, Mingyu,’ Jungkook said, his heart breaking and at a loss for words.
‘I pushed those feelings away because I liked girls too. I could live with ignoring my feelings. I would find a nice girl, date her properly as I was taught, then marry her and start a family. No one needed to know I had a crush on a guy once. Sounds like a great plan, don’t you think?’
‘Except you can’t deny your feelings and you can’t decide who you’re attracted to,’ Jungkook said sadly and Mingyu nodded.
‘I ignored it for years, for way too long. But like you said, you can’t control and deny it. Your sexuality doesn’t go away just because you want it to. Last year, I finally told them. I know I was stupid for doing it, but I had hope that whatever they said in the past wouldn’t apply to me, to their own son.’
‘But it did?’ Jungkook asks, afraid to hear the answer.
Mingyu turns his head to look at Jungkook, who can see the tears in his eyes.
‘I told my father because I thought he was the best option out of the two. Even explained I hadn’t kissed a guy or had done inappropriate things, but that I had those feelings. Do you know what happened?’
Jungkook shook his head and Mingyu scoffed. ‘That asshole called my mom and I got kicked out immediately. Not even fifteen minutes after I told him I was homeless and I didn’t have a family anymore.’
A tear slipped out of Mingyu’s eyes and rolled down his cheek. ‘The things they said to me that day still haunt me in my dreams. I was a disgrace to them and their family. I had no idea what I did to them by saying this out loud. And it was repulsive that I dared to have these disgusting thoughts. I was worth nothing and not worthy of their love. They would pretend I was dead from then on.’
Jungkook could feel his eyes tearing up as he saw the ones running down Mingyu’s cheeks. He wanted to comfort the man, hold him, or say sweet things, but he didn’t know how.
’You can imagine that not many people around you feel differently than your parents when you grow up in a family with those beliefs. I had nowhere to go,’ Mingyu sniffed.
‘Where did you go?’ He asked, voice laced with emotion, which caught Mingyu’s attention.
‘Please, don’t feel sad,’ Mingyu said immediately, wiping away a tear that escaped his eye.
‘Of course I feel sad,’ Jungkook replied. ‘Mingyu, this is awful and horrifying. I really care about you, and this… this is fucking horrible. I’m so sorry. But please ignore me. I’m sad for you. You don’t have to comfort me. I should comfort you instead. I just… don’t know how without making you feel uncomfortable.’
Mingyu choked out a small sound as he wiped away his own tears. ‘You’re so considerate. I can’t believe you’re actually this sweet and kind to me. You’re perfect. The opposite of me.’
‘Hey, let me be very clear. You are perfect. Everyone is perfect just the way they are. They probably told you otherwise a million times during your life, but you are perfect, Mingyu. Please don’t change. You are amazing and if they don’t want to be in your life, then that’s their loss. I know that’s very easily said, but I can’t help being furious at them. You don’t treat your son like that, no matter what happens or what you believe.’
Mingyu looked at him with red-rimmed eyes. ‘Thank you. That means a lot to me.’ He sniffed and wiped his face again with his sleeve. ‘You asked me where I went after they kicked me out?’
‘I did, but don’t feel pressured to tell. I’m sure telling me all this is a lot already. You don’t have to tell me everything if it’s too much,’ he tried to comfort him.
‘It’s okay. I care about you too, Jungkook. Actually, I really fucking like you and I don’t want to push you away. Jeonghan… he said I should let you in. I talked with him and Jihoon about you. Both of them said that if I told you, you would understand me better and that it would be a relief to know that there’s someone who cares about me and knows what I went through so that I can ask for help. But… I hate asking for help. I want to, but I find it really difficult. Something is holding me back whenever I try.’
‘Asking for help is hard, I know. Maybe once we get to know each other better, you no longer have to ask. I hope I’ll notice you need it before you ask.’
Mingyu smiled gratefully through his tears. ‘I’m usually not a crybaby, you know. I just can’t help it. It’s been a while since I told someone.’
‘This is understandable to cry over,’ he said. ‘Besides, I cry really easily, and most people say it’s cute.’
Mingyu let out a small chuckle. ‘You indeed are cute.’
‘Oh damn, not again,’ he groaned, making Mingyu smile. ‘I have a random question.’
‘Okay, shoot.’
‘I now understand why I can’t hold your hand in public, but can I comfort you any other way? I don’t know what you want or feel good with, but just letting you sit here and cry without throwing an arm around you feels rude and implies I don’t care.’
‘That’s considerate of you. I think you can put an arm on my back or shoulder or arm of whatever. This immediately brings me to why I feel stupid about you trying to hold my hand. Although, I’ll explain that later. I want to tell you how I ended up in Seoul first, if that’s okay.’
‘Of course that’s okay,’ feeling relieved that Mingyu feels comforted if he puts his hand on his back. He does it carefully and checks Mingyu’s reaction, who smiles at him with his still wet cheeks.
‘Um, you asked where I went after my parents kicked me out. I went to a classmate. They let me sleep there, for which I’m still incredibly grateful. I’ll tell you more about that again, but the short version is that I found out that I have an aunt through them. My dad has a sister he never told us about because, guess what? She was kicked out for the same reason. She lived in Seoul when I heard about her and I met her a few weeks later. She’s the sweetest person alive, I swear. The apartment I live in was hers. She lived there before she moved to Europe. She has a good job in Europe and is married to her wife. Do you know that same-sex marriage is legal in many countries? I never knew that. Of course, my parents made sure that I would never learn about those things. Anyway, my aunt left her apartment to me when she migrated. Even though she lives on the other side of the world, she still takes care of me. We call at least once a week, but often more than that. She’s the first one I text about literally everything. She really saved me. I love her a lot.’
‘I’m so happy she is in your life, Mingyu. You deserve people who care about you.’
‘Thank you. You know what’s stupid? I thought that when I moved to Seoul, I could start all over with a clean slate and a fresh new brain and memory. Out of sight out of mind, you know.’
‘Except it doesn’t work like that.’
Mingyu sighed. 'No, I doesn’t. The first months, yes, it worked. But the moment Jimin came in when I was about to kiss you, everything rushed back in a second. It was like hot lava underneath the surface, waiting to erupt. And when it did, there was no way back. I freaked out and didn't know what to do. It all came back to me, and I had major panic attacks and anxiety.’
‘Oh Mingyu, I’m so sorry. I didn't know.’
‘It’s okay. You couldn’t have. But the way I treated you was shit. I got scared and ran away like a coward. It wasn’t fair to you.’
‘It’s not about me,’ Jeongguk said in full honesty, and he meant it. He totally understood. He felt so sorry for Mingyu and what he had to endure.
‘I went to therapy,’ Mingyu confessed, looking at his fingers again as he picked his nails. ‘I knew this was something I had to deal with. This would come back every time if I didn't learn to cope with my past. I can’t feel horrendous by being attracted to a man every time I think about it, just because my parents said so. I’m a mess, so I have to fix it.’
‘You’re not a mess,’ Jungkook says, letting his hand to the man’s shoulder and kneading it comfortingly.
Mingyu shrugs. ‘I don’t know. I feel like I am. I closed myself off every time you came close. That night at Jihoon’s party, I thought ignoring the problem would help. If I didn’t talk to you, then the feelings would go away, except they didn’t. I even felt worse because I was avoiding you. It didn’t feel fair to you. So, besides being freaked out by my own feelings, I also felt guilty. I really wanted to talk to you again, apologize and ask for your number, but every time I saw you at uni, in the neighborhood or at the coffee shop Jeonghan works at, I freaked out.’
‘Fuck, Mingyu... I’m so sorry.’
‘I saw you so often, but I just couldn’t do it.’
‘I saw you too.’
‘I know,’ Mingyu nodded sadly. ‘But I saw you a lot more times than you know. I made sure to get away before you were able to see me. It's horrible, I know, but-’
Jungkook let his hand rub soothing circles over Mingyu’s back. ‘It’s not. Mingyu, you were raised with the idea that being anything but heterosexual is something straight from hell. Even when you now know it’s not true, that doesn't take away the feeling of having that idea drilled into your head your entire life. That doesn't appear overnight simply because you see it's okay with others.’
‘Yeah,’ he swallowed. ‘I got scared because I felt attracted to you. It’s different when I have those feelings instead of my friends. I’m so jealous of my queer friends being out openly and having relationships.’
‘You will have that too,’ Jungkook says. ‘You deserve the same love they have.’
‘Thank you,’ he smiles. ‘I loved our flirting in the beginning, by the way. It was fun and I enjoyed it. I seriously thought you were so damn attractive and cute when you stumbled over your words and started blushing like a teenager.’
‘Oh, god. Please don't remind me of that,’ Jungkook groaned.
‘You looked like a bad guy, but with the softest doe eyes and an even softer heart, with the way you got all shy on me. I liked that. Don't apologize, it caught my eye.’
Jungkook snorted. ‘Well, thanks then, I guess?’
Mingyu bumped his shoulder against him with a smile. A soft chuckle came out of his lips. ’I just want to apologize and tell you why I ran away at the party. The moment Jimin came in, I got scared, and all the memories rushed back to me. Again, it’s unfair to you, but I hope you know I didn't have bad intentions.’
'I understand. It's more than okay, Mingyu. Really. I'm glad you told me now and you felt safe enough to share this. Thank you for opening up like this. I can’t imagine how horrible this must be for you.’
‘My therapist will be proud.’
‘So am I,’ Jungkook said with a loving smile, making Mingyu’s cheeks turn more red than they already were after the excessive amount of tears.
‘Well, I should thank you for listening.’
‘Any time,’ Jungkook said. ‘I’m here for you.’
‘Thank you. I’m sorry that I pulled my hand away at the restaurant. I know it’s silly, but my initial response is to do that. My therapist tells me your first, automatic response is the hardest to get rid of. I’m trying to change that, but it doesn’t go as well as I want to.’
‘I think you’re doing well, Mingyu. You’re doing the best you can and that’s enough. Take your time with everything. Never feel rushed or pressured, okay?’
‘I know, but I feel like you deserve more than that, you know?’ Mingyu mumbled, looking at his fingers nervously fumbling with the hem of his shirt. ‘You deserve someone who isn’t afraid of holding your hand in public.’
‘I think I deserve someone who has a kind heart and wants to make me happy, don’t you think?’
Mingyu’s eyebrows furrowed. ‘Um, yes, of course you do.’
‘I hope that’s you, though. I don’t care that I can’t hold your hand publicly yet. I want you to be happy. If that means that you don’t want to hold hands in public at first, then so be it. I mean it when I say that you can do this at your own pace, Mingyu. I really like you, and if you want to do this with me, we’re not going to rush things. Okay?’
A tug on the corners of Mingyu’s lips softens his facial features. ‘I really like you too, Jungkook. I’ll talk to my therapist and ask her how I can learn to do this without getting major anxiety.’
‘Can I ask you how you felt about what we did last week? The… you know,’ Jungkook asked, raising his eyebrows.
Mingyu laughed. ‘You suddenly get too shy to say sex out loud? But no, that didn’t freak me out if that’s what you wanted to know. I wanted it. You didn’t push me. It was great, and you didn’t take it any further than I was ready for. I appreciate that.’
‘Is it okay if I let you take the lead with those things? You can tell me or ask me or, I don’t know, do things when you’re ready.’
‘That sounds nice,’ he nodded. ‘I like that.’
‘Good. And again, thank you for telling me. I know we haven’t known each other for a long time, but know that I’m always here for you. If you’re feeling bad or have anxiety, then please text or call me or come to my place—even if it’s in the middle of the night. I think Jeonghan and Jihoon are right; I’m here for you, too.’
Jungkook was very surprised when he suddenly felt two arms around him. Mingyu hugged him tight as he whispered a thank you in his ear. The hug was short, but it was there and Jungkook was already more than proud of Mingyu for it.
It was the second date that Jungkook took Mingyu out for the first time instead of the other way around.
A week later, Jungkook stayed the night at Mingyu’s house for the first time.
It was a month later, when Mingyu suddenly took Jungkook’s hand in his in public and didn’t let go. They were at the movies and it was dark, but he did it and Jungkook couldn’t be more proud.
A week after that, Mingyu held Jungkook’s hand as they walked on the streets, making their way to a coffee shop. Jungkook initially felt surprised as he hadn’t seen it coming, but his surprise quickly turned into happiness. He turned his head and saw Mingyu biting back a smile with adorable blushed cheeks.
Jungkook’s heart swelled to an abnormal size as he intertwined their fingers. He expected Mingyu to let go of his hand soon, but he didn’t. They happily chatted together as they walked through the crowded streets of Seoul. Jungkook hoped no one would comment on it. That would really ruin Mingyu’s first experience with openly showing affection to someone of the same gender. Mingyu told him about his sessions with his therapist, and he so badly hoped some homophobic people on the streets would not ruin Mingyu’s hard work.
Jungkook noticed once that one passing man’s eyes locked onto their hands and rolled his eyes. He was ready to throw punches and cause a scene, but the man continued walking without commenting on it and luckily, Mingyu hadn’t seen it.
He knew that in the future, they would face backlash and rude words thrown at them, but he hoped that it would take a long time. This early would make it much harder for Mingyu, but he would do his best to be there for him when it happened.
Another month later, they sat in the back row of the movie theater again when Mingyu took Jungkook’s head in his hands and kissed him. He did the same in the middle of the street while waiting for a cab in the middle of the cay. It was a short kiss, but it was laced with so much love that it made Jungkook’s knees weak.
A few hours after that kiss, Mingyu asked Jungkook to be his boyfriend, and less than a second later, Jungkook said - or almost yelled - yes.
Only a moment later, Mingyu started crying but kept convincing Jungkook that those were happy tears because he couldn’t be happier that he found someone like Jungkook. It ended up with both of them in tears, something they would never admit to anyone. If anyone asked how they got together, they told a version without them crying, yet it was a beautiful and vulnerable moment that neither of them would want to trade for anything in the world. It was their moment.
‘You’re so pretty,’ Jungkook mumbled against the back of Mingyu’s neck.
‘Thanks.’
‘My pretty boyfriend.’
‘Thanks again,’ Mingyu snorted as he cut some onions, secretly enjoying how Jungkook clung to his back. They stood together in Jungkook’s tiny kitchen, which Jungkook used as an excuse to be as close to Mingyu as possible.
It was two days after they went out and became an official couple. They couldn’t see each other the day before because Jungkook had some important deadlines, but he had finished it all and was now enjoying his Friday night with his-
‘My perfect boyfriend.’
‘You should stop saying that,’ Mingyu laughed. ‘You’re repeating yourself.’
‘I just can’t believe I finally can call you my boyfriend. I’m happy. Sue me for it.’
Mingyu turned his head to the left, enough to let Jungkook kiss the corner of his lips before he looked back at where his knife was before he accidentally cut a finger instead of a carrot.
‘I’m happy too, baby,’ Mingyu said. ‘More than you know. Are you excited for tomorrow?’
‘To meet your aunt?’
‘Yes,’ Mingyu nodded, now working his knife on a spring onion.
‘Nervous is a better description. I’m dying inside. I now finally understand why Jimin had so many mental breakdowns when he was about to meet Jeonghan’s parents.’
‘But you didn’t have any, right?’ Mingyu snickered. ‘Mental breakdowns, I mean.’
‘I did.’
Mingyu stopped cutting. He placed his knife on the counter and turned around in Jungkook’s arms, looking confused.
‘Why?’
Uh… because I’m going to meet your aunt, who’s like a mother to you.’
‘I know that, but why would you have a mental breakdown about that? She’s nice. She accepted me when everyone else… well, you know.’ Mingyu says, pain flashing through his eyes. It hurts Jungkook to see how much it affects Mingyu just by thinking of his former family. ‘You don’t have to be scared that she won’t accept you because you’re gay. Also, you’re openly gay. I didn’t know you were struggling with that. Did I focus too much on myself and not on you? I should’ve-‘
Jungkook cuts him off with a quick kiss. He holds Mingyu’s face in his hands as he looks into his eyes. ‘No, silly. I’m not afraid that she’ll hate me for being gay. Didn’t you say she’s married to a woman herself? I’m not scared of that. I’m scared that she’ll disapprove of me because of me.’
He thought of what Mingyu told him about his aunt, how often they called a week and how much he appreciated her advice.
‘I’m scared I won’t be good enough for you.’
Mingyu wrapped his arms around Jungkook’s waist and pulled him until their bodies were flush together. ’You’re more than good enough for me.’
‘I just want her to like me,’ Jungkook whispered. It was painful to know that Mingyu’s aunt would probably be the only family member of both their families who would be actively supporting them; that is when Jungkook managed to make her like him, of course. He knew his own family wouldn’t react as badly as the one Mingyu had, but they also wouldn’t hug Jungkook if he told them he had a relationship and asked to meet the one who made their son so happy. He thought he had no right to complain, especially compared to Mingyu. But maybe, especially considering Mingyu’s past, Jungkook wanted to make sure his aunt liked him. He didn’t want to ruin this for Mingyu.
‘I know, baby,’ Mingyu replied with a soft smile. She’ll love you. I promise.’ Then he leaned in and kissed Jungkook, melting all his worries away.
They spent the next few hours on the couch. First, with their homecooked meal - although it would be more honest to say that Mingyu was the chef while Jungkook supported him by cheering him on while clinging to him like a koala - and then with a movie, both of them tucked away underneath a blanket. Their glasses were already empty for a while, but they lay down together so comfortably that neither wanted to get up. Mingyu had his arms wrapped around Jungkook’s waist as the latter lay between Mingyu’s legs, his back comfortably resting against Mingyu’s chest. Would it be too cliche to say it felt like their bodies were made for each other? Jungkook could already see Taehyung’s fake vomiting if he would tell him.
The movie was playing in front of them. It was an action movie and there currently was an intense fighting scene going. Jungkook’s eyes were glued to the screen until he felt a hand sneaking underneath the blankets, going down his stomach.
Mingyu’s hand only teased for a short while, going up and down his abs but never beyond the waistband of his jeans.
Jungkook, who had anticipated Mingyu’s hand to do other more sinful things, relaxed against his boyfriend again. He knew that he shouldn’t expect anything sexual every time, even though there often was.
They slept together multiple times after that first evening on Mingyu’s couch, but until now, it had always consisted of blow and handjobs. Something that Jungkook actually loved. Penetration wasn’t always needed and the couple was already getting very comfortable around each other. Mingyu was anything but shy in the bedroom and even though he hadn’t had any experience with men, it was clear that he wasn’t a virgin at all. Mingyu blew Jungkook’s mind every time. The man was hot and good in bed on whole new levels, giving him earth-shattering orgasms every time.
Mingyu was very confident in bed, besides that one time two weeks ago when Mingyu had bashfully admitted that he had never done any anal stuff with either men or women. Jungkook had ended up teaching Mingyu how to finger him. It had felt incredibly good, and he had secretly hoped that they would take it further the next time, but it hadn’t happened yet. Jungkook hadn’t asked for it either. He didn’t want to push Mingyu or pressure him. He had told Mingyu a while ago that they would do things at his pace and he still felt that way, even if it would take months or years for Mingyu to be ready for actual penetration. He would wait as long as needed.
Jungkook focused on the movie again, slacking more against Mingyu’s body. That’s when he noticed how Mingyu’s hand suddenly slid over his waistband. He went down south, but not far enough, before he went up again. Jungkook thought that maybe it was just once, that he didn’t really mean anything with it, but then he did it again. And again.
He had no idea why it affected him this much, but somehow, the entire room started to feel scorching hot. They were alone in Jungkook’s apartment. Taehyung was out with friends and he probably wouldn’t be home anytime soon, but they were still in their shared living room, on the shared couch. It sent an exciting thrill through him.
Mingyu’s hand didn’t reach exactly where Jungkook wanted it to be and he shuffled a little. Mingyu softly chuckled. He probably knew what Jungkook was doing.
He definitely did because the following few times, he teased Jungkook even more, coming so close to his cock, but never fully sliding over it. He only softly hit the top or slid down the sides. He touched him, but not entirely.
It drove Jungkook crazy.
It didn’t take him long to get fully hard, but Mingyu still had a lot of self-control, only touching the sides.
Finally, after what took Jungkook way too long, Mingyu slid his hand down further, cupping his clothed balls. Jungkook closed his eyes and enjoyed how Mingyu rubbed over his jeans.
It felt nice, but not where he wanted it. He needed that hand to go higher.
‘Someone’s excited,’ Mingyu softly mumbled into his ear with a deep voice that gave Jungkook goosebumps.
‘You’ve been teasing me for at least fifteen minutes now. Excited is an understatement,’ Jungkook replied with his eyes still closed, focusing on Mingyu’s hand, which still toyed with his balls.
‘Is that so?’ Mingyu teased him. His hand slid up, now touching the base of his cock. Even that simple touch made Jungkook’s cock twitch. ‘Is this what you want?’
‘Yes,’ he breathed out.
The hand traveled up higher, covering his shaft partly, then even higher, until he could hold him through his jeans. His hand wasn’t big enough to cover his entire erection, but he couldn’t care less. Mingyu was finally touching him where he wanted it.
‘You told me before that I was your pretty boyfriend, but I must admit that you’re even prettier, Kook. Look at you all gorgeous against me.’
‘You’re telling me my dick is pretty?’
Mingyu snorted. ‘I meant your face. You look so hot when you’re turned on, but yes… also your dick. Everything about you is just perfect.’
‘What do you mean my face?’ Jungkook asked as he enjoyed Mingyu’s hand putting weight on his cock.
‘I swear. Your lips twitch in a specific way when I touch you, you get these gorgeous blushes on your cheeks and your face starts to glow when you’re horny.’
Jungkook opened his eyes and looked at Mingyu, who was biting his bottom lip harshly as he took in Jungkook’s face. ‘Is that so?’
‘Damn. Your eyes are even better,’ Mingyu said before he bent his head down and kissed Jungkook. Jungkook gasped when their lips clashed together and Mingyu’s hand tightened around cock.
There was no built up in the kiss at all. It was heated from the start, with lots of tongues clashing.
‘Off,’ Mingyu mumbled in their kiss, tugging on Jungkook’s jeans.
Jungkook was incredibly fast to open his button, unzip his pants and push it down his legs until it fell on the floor in front of them.
He wasn’t even fully done before Mingyu pushed his boxers down. He lay back not much later, the blanket still covering them and the TV still showing the movie, but he couldn’t care less. Mingyu wrapped his fingers around his cock and slid down.
Jungkook moaned softly. The pressure and slide felt so good. The hand slowly went back up, going over the head, collecting the precum before he slid back down again.
‘You’re definitely more than just excited,’ Mingyu chuckled against his ear. ‘You’re almost as wet as the girls I fucked.’
‘Shit, Gyu. That’s hot,’ Jungkook breathed out.
The pace was slow and torturous, but because of that, he could feel every move intensely.
‘Feels so good,’ Jungkook whimpered.
Mingyu didn’t speed up. Instead, he was moving behind him on the couch as he used his unoccupied hand to go through a bag standing next to it. He still slowly jerked Jungkook off, who was in heaven and enjoyed the smooth movements. It sounded slick, even muffled from underneath the blankets. Mingyu was right; he was definitely wetter than usual. He had no idea why, but he was so turned on today. Maybe it was the thought of them doing this in his shared living room. He didn’t expect Taehyung to come home soon, but you never knew. Maybe it was the built-up to having sex finally. Perhaps he was just incredibly horny because it had been a while since there was penetration during sex, but damn was he leaking much precum.
Mingyu shuffled again behind him, sitting back in their previous position. He wasn’t paying attention to it until he heard a cap popping open. He turned his head and saw Mingyu smiling at him as he poured lube onto his fingers.
He then lifted the blanket and slit his hand underneath. He wrapped his wet fingers around Jungkook’s cock and started giving him a proper handjob. Jungkook moaned at the feeling. It felt so good to be held by Mingyu like this.
Mingyu sped up his movement, making Jungkook whimper and groan. Then he stopped and squirted another dot of lube onto his fingers.
Jungkook thought he would go back to continue his handjob, but he didn’t, at least not with both hands. One hand wrapped around his dick again, the other slid further down, tracing his rim.
‘Fuck. You’re going to finger me, babe?’ He asked Mingyu, who mumbled a breathy yes into his ear.
He jerked him off even faster and put more pressure on his rim, but it didn’t let in him yet. He let his finger roam around the area, relaxing Jungkook’s tight ring of muscles. Finally, after a while, he pushed inside.
Jungkook gasped when he felt the familiar burn. It was just a slight burn, but way more than before. It had been months since he got fucked and the only time something was up his ass was a few weeks ago; Mingyu’s fingers.
The slick finger pushed in further and Mingyu shifted until he could push in even more.
Jungkook whimpered, enjoying the slight burn of a finger entering him.
Mingyu slowly pulled his finger back, at the same time as he slid his hand up his dick. Then he pushed back in and simultaneously slid his hand down Jungkook’s cock, who couldn’t help but moan at the many sensations. This was exactly what he had thought Mingyu last time. The man was a quick learner.
As if that wasn’t enough, Mingyu started kissing his neck and earlobe, which was one of his sensitive points. Mingyu knew how to do this. He was expertly fingering and jerking him off at the same pace and licked on sensitive spots on his neck. Jungkook had no clue how he would survive this. He couldn’t tell that Mingyu had no experience with guys before they met. He was a natural at this.
‘Good, baby?’ Mingyu asked as he prodded a second finger into his rim, pushing in.
‘So good, Gyu. So good,’ Jungkook whimpered. ‘Fuck, it’s so good to be filled up again.’
One thing they learned in the past weeks was that they both loved a good amount of dirty talk during sex. Another thing Jungkook figured was that Mingyu got off on Jungkook being loud in bed. Hot.
‘Can you give me a third?’ Jungkook asked.
‘Already? I just put two fingers in.’
‘Yeah, the third goes easily for me. And I love the feeling of the slight burn of something filling me up before I’m fully stretched.’
‘Is that so?’ Mingyu groaned. ‘That’s hot. Is that what you want?’
A third finger was pushed in next to the others and Jungkook lost the ability to talk.
‘You like being filled?’ Mingyu asked again.
‘Yeah,’ he nodded. ‘Not just like it. I love it.’
‘Maybe we should give you even more than this then, huh? What do you think?’ Mingyu rasped.
Jungkook turned his head to look at his boyfriend, dark eyes full of arousal looking back at him. Shit, his boyfriend was truly the hottest man alive.
‘Are you suggesting what I think you are suggesting? He asked, trying to let his voice come out steady.
‘Yeah. I want to fuck you. If that’s what you want too? I know you said you both bottom and top. But I’d like to top you first.’
‘Fuck, yes,’ Jungkook said, crashing their lips together. ‘Fuck, please do it. Only if you want, of course, but damn… I want it.’
‘I do too,’ Mingyu rasped. I’ve thought about it for a while now. I think I’m ready. Can we fuck like this? In this position?’ Mingyu asked.
‘If we change it up a little, then yes,’ Jungkook nodded. He was already lifting himself so Mingyu could slide a little lower. At the same time, the man opened his jeans, pushed his boxers down and revealed his hard cock.
Jungkook waited until Mingyu had slicked himself up and then gripped him by his hip with one hand as he used the other one on the base of his cocky to keep it steady.
There was no need to use a condom. They both got tested a month ago and they hadn’t slept with anyone except each other. Mingyu said he wanted to be ready, just in case.
So that’s why he now felt Mingyu’s head pushing against his rim, bare, with no layer of latex between them. Mingyu put more pressure on it but still couldn’t get in. He played a little with his cock, drawing circles around it before he pushed his cock against his rim again, which is when it finally popped in.
Jungkook moaned loudly when it slipped in, spreading his rim even with the preparation. He clenched around Mingyu’s cock, who whimpered in return.
‘Fuck, this feels different,’ Mingyu whimpered.
‘Good or bad?’
‘Good. Fucking good. It’s different than with girls. Your rim is really tight, especially when you clench like that. It’s- ahhhh,’ he got cut off by another clench around his cock.
‘Push in further. There’s less pressure around your dick when you’re deeper,’ Jungkook said. He lowered himself a little more as Mingyu got deeper into Jungkook with every buck of his hips.
‘Sorry it takes so long. It’s been a while,’ Jungkook excused himself.
‘No need to apologize,’ Mingyu grinned. I happen to find it hot that you’re so tight. Besides, if it weren’t long, you would have something to explain.’
Jungkook laughed and tried to hit Mingyu behind him, but he missed.
‘Fuck up into me hard to bottom out,’ Jungkook said huskily. ‘Just once or twice, that usually works.’
‘How?’
‘Hold my hips and push in hard, that’s all.’
Mingyu took both his hips in his hands and whispered in his ear. ‘You ready?’
‘Yes. Born ready.’
Then he slammed his hips upward as he pulled Jungkook down onto him. Just once was enough. Mingyu hit so deep that he was fully bottomed out after that. Jungkook let out an obscene, dirty moan.
‘Fuck,’ he breathed. ‘Give me a few seconds to adjust and then do it again. That felt good.’
‘Take your time,’ Mingyu replied, but his voice gave away how affected he was. He softly circled his hips around and Jungkook could feel Mingyu’s cock sliding against his walls, stretching him even more.
‘I’m ready. Do it again,’ Jungkook said, voice husky.
Mingyu obeyed and slammed his hips up again. And then did it again, and again.
It didn’t take long before they found a fast and hard rhythm. The wet sounds of the lube were combined with the sounds of skin slapping against skin, even when the blanket muffled it.
‘Fuck, Gyu. This feels so good,’ Jungkook moaned.
‘This was so worth the wait,’ Mingyu groaned back. ‘You feel so good too, baby. You’re so hot. So sexy. I’m going to fuck you so many times after this, you have no idea.’
‘Yes, please. Any time,’ he replied.
The blanket slid off them and fell on the floor, but neither did anything to get it back. A cloud of lust completely took over their brains.
Jungkook wanted to follow Mingyu’s rhythm and push himself back onto Mingyu’s cock, but Mingyu sped up and Jungkook couldn’t do anything else than hold himself up and let Mingyu fuck him deep and fast.
‘Gyu, please. Harder,’ he whimpered.
‘Even harder?’ Mingyu panted. ‘Fuck, that’s sexy.’
Mingyu pleased Jungkook in a way he was never pleased. Once he hit the right spot inside him, he couldn’t do anything else than fall apart and become a groaning and moaning mess.
‘Can you come like this?’ Mingyu asked. ‘Is that possible?’
Jungkook already forgot that Mingyu didn’t have experience with a male prostate orgasm, so he shook his head. ‘Sometimes, but most of the times I can’t.’
Mingyu was busy holding Jungkook up, so Jungkook wrapped his own hand around his cock and started giving himself a hand.
‘Like this, I can. Keep fucking me like that, Gyu. You just found my prostate, if you’ll hit that then- Ahhh, fuck~ Right there. Right there.’
Mingyu hit the bundle of nerves repeatedly and when he jerked himself off, he felt how white-hot feeling started to swirl in his crotch.
‘I’m so close,’ Jungkook breathed out. ‘Keep going. I’m going to come.’’
‘Me too, baby. I can’t hold on much longer.’
‘Please wait for me. Please let me come on your cock.’
It felt so good to be full. It felt even better to be hit directly onto his prostate and that, combined with his handjob and Mingyu’s kisses on his neck, made it perfect.
‘Coming. I can’t hold back anymore, baby. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,’ Mingyu panted. Then he came with the loudest moan Jungkook had heard from him. The final slam into Jungkook and the seed filling him up drove him crazy and pushed him over the edge.
He groaned obscenely as cum spurted out of his cock at the same time as he felt cum filling his ass.
It was an understatement to say that their first time made Jungkook forget his name. He wondered if sex was always going to be this good. Maybe it would become even better as they got to know each other and their bodies better. He couldn’t wait to find out.
The next day, Jungkook was nervous as hell, with bobbing knees and sweaty hand palms.
‘Baby, relax,’ Mingyu chuckled. He leaned over to the passenger’s seat and kissed his cheek. ‘You’re going to love her. She’s nice. I promise.’
Jungkook nodded, but his heart was beating fast and hard in his throat. He wanted to make a good impression on Mingyu’s aunt, and he was scared of the consequences if he didn’t.
Luckily, Jungkook and Mingyu’s aunt clicked instantly. She and her wife were even friendlier and kinder than Mingyu had described.
It was six months after they started dating that Taehyung was done with them making out on the couch on every possible occasion and banned Jungkook from their apartment, begging him to please start living with Mingyu.
It took a bit more of Taehyung’s patience because it was only on Jungkook and Mingyu’s first anniversary when they started living together in Mingyu’s apartment.
A lot happened in the past year, but they both learned that looks and appearances say nothing about what is happening inside someone’s head and heart. They both thought the other was highly cool, confident, carefree, and perfect, but they both learned that perfect was everything they were, with all their flaws and complicated pasts.
It was their first night in their now shared apartment, after an exhausting but fun day of moving Jungkook to his new place with all their friends, that Mingyu whispered the most beautiful words into Jungkook’s ear as they fell asleep.
‘I’m finally happy and where I belong: with you. I’m home now.’