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He shouldn’t be nervous. Everything was going well and there were almost no hiccups, which was amazing for a photoshoot with multiple things going on and such a huge number of people involved.
And yet, Merlin felt his stomach tossing and turning and his heart stuttering in his chest because he was nervous.
He let out a groan and rubbed a hand roughly over his face. He needed to get it together! Him being like this wouldn’t help anything and might delay the shoot if he wasn’t careful. He needed to relax and just keep calm.
That was always much easier said than done, though.
Just as Merlin unscrewed the cap to his water bottle, he felt a hand on his shoulder. “You alright?” he heard a familiar voice ask with concern.
He turned his head and saw Gwen, his best friend and assistant, next to him, looking as concerned as her voice sounded. Merlin relaxed a little bit and nodded, making sure to take a sip of water first before he spoke. “I’m alright. Just…a little nervous,” he half admitted.
He didn’t want to tell her that he was actually very nervous, because he didn’t want her to worry about him. It was a busy day as is and she had more important things to do than to fret over him. “I’ll be fine, I promise.” He smiled at her in reassurance.
”You’d better,” Gwen teased him, smiling. “We’re not even halfway done yet and no one wants you to fall apart, least of all me.” She squeezed his shoulder some before nodding ahead and Merlin followed the direction of her nod, looking at the area where the photos were being taken against a off-white background. It was boring now, but Merlin was going to make sure that the background wouldn’t be boring when the photos were edited. “We’re starting to shoot the panties and bras on the men if you want to come get a closer look.”
Merlin’s attention was grabbed at that and he nodded. “Please, that’d be great,” he replied, and walked with Gwen to get closer so they could watch the shoot.
Merlin loved all of his designs in his latest collection, which he had named ‘Magical’. He had to admit, he went a little crazy with the colors, making them a little darker than he preferred, but when he finally saw the test pieces on the models, he was glad for not going for the shimmering gold or bright silver and had instead chosen toned down versions of each color. The bras had shimmering white lace on them and the panties had just regular white lace with only a little shimmer. He even dared to make a piece or two in a beautiful purple color with shimmering black lace.
However, out of the entire collection, his absolute favorites were the one pieces. He made sure that they still fit the ‘magical’ theme of his collection, but he also didn’t want to make it too shiny or something that people who opted for wearing a one piece wouldn’t want to wear. Ultimately, he chose a medium blue color, but made it a bit lacier and took out the sparkles. He had even made versions without lace and sparkles, just in case.
In the end, after months of work, designing and planning, Merlin was actually seeing his pieces on the people he intended them for: men, trans men, genderfluid people, and everyone in between. Not only was he seeing them on actual people, his pieces were going to be photographed and soon advertised for sale! His first collection had been successful, sure, but he wanted to make this collection even more successful. His goal for his lingerie collections was to try and reach as many people as possible and to show that it wasn’t just women who could wear beautiful lingerie.
Merlin looked at the lingerie on the various models and softly smiled, especially at how confident they all looked. Honestly, that was a major reason he went into designing lingerie for men and those who wanted to wear pretty lingerie that weren’t designed for women. It made pride fill his chest when he saw how the models looked and interacted with each other. Everyone looked so excited and pleased, just chatting with each other while they waited to be photographed. It was reassuring to see.
Merlin observed all of the models while he uncapped his water and took another drink, his eyes only looking at everyone for a second or two before moving on to the next. However, when he reached one model, his eyes lingered for much longer than just a second or two. Not just because of how he looked, but because of his demeanor as well.
While all of the other models were either talking to each other or on their phones, all of them had a similar attitude, one that showed that they were at ease, comfortable and not insecure or nervous at all. All of them wore robes to protect the lingerie and make them more comfortable, but some had their robes open while waiting, which was just a preference. Merlin knew that not all models liked having open robes.
This particular model, a short haired blond man, wasn’t talking to anyone else. He had his robe closed, but it was wrapped fairly tight, as if trying to hide what he was wearing underneath it. He sat in a folding chair on his phone, but his eyes kept looking up and flickering around to look at the other models more often than Merlin felt was normal. His body was hunched over a bit and he slouched in his chair, like he was trying to hide from everyone. He didn’t seem comfortable here at all.
Merlin frowned slightly and closed his bottle before he looked at Gwen. “Am I allowed to approach the models?” he asked, glancing at the blond. She frowned slightly, but nodded.
”Sure. As long as they’re okay with talking to you, of course. Everything alright?” Gwen asked in slight concern. Merlin was quick to give her a smile and nod.
”It’s fine, I promise! I just want to talk to one of the models really quickly. I’ll be right back.” Once he got her nod of approval and made sure she was looking at the photoshoot again, Merlin made his way over to the blond model, who had gone back to pretending like he was focused on his phone.
Well, if Merlin had it his way, that wouldn't last long.
As he got closer to the model, Merlin allowed himself a quick moment to take a deep breath before finally standing in front of him and smiling. “Hi there,” he greeted. Maybe just starting out with a friendly ‘Hi’ would help him open up.
The blond instantly looked up at him and while his face was neutral, Merlin could sense a bit of insecurity in his expression. “Hi,” he returned, then looked down at his phone again, subtly hunching over more.
Well, that didn’t go over well. Merlin bit the inside of his cheek to resist the urge to sigh and he cleared his throat before speaking again. “My name’s Merlin Emerson. I’m the designer of the lingerie.”
”And you’re telling me this because you want me to…what, sleep with you?” the blond asked, looking up with an annoyed expression. “Because it’s not going to happen. In any universe. Now, don’t you have to oversee the shoot or do something instead of bothering the models?”
Merlin frowned deeply at that and crossed his arms, offput by the blond’s attitude. So much for trying to be friendly. “I didn’t come over here for anything like that. You look like you want to be anywhere but here and I wanted to see how I could help. And for your information, I don’t have to oversee the entire shoot.” He turned away. He wasn’t going to waste his time with someone like this prat. “Sorry to bother you. It looks like you don’t need help after all.”
He had barely taken two steps before he heard the blond say, “Wait,” just loud enough for Merlin to hear. He paused and turned his head a little. “I’m sorry,” the blond continued, “I—I didn’t mean to be so rude.”
This time, Merlin didn’t stop himself from sighing before he turned back to face the model, who had a sheepish look on his face as he looked at Merlin, and this time his insecurity really was showing. “Sure seemed like you meant to,” Merlin told him, raising a brow.
”I…I know. It was harsh of me to speak to you like that.” The blond looked down and gave a dry chuckle. “It’s just my first professional lingerie photoshoot alone and I’m incredibly nervous I’ll screw it up.”
Merlin walked back over and pulled up a chair, sitting next to the blond. He might as well listen to him. He seemed like he needed someone to give him some form of support, even if it was from a stranger. “Alone? Do you normally have someone come with you?” he asked, leaning forward to be able to hear him better.
“Sort of.” He shrugged. “My other friends work in the modeling industry too, so they’ve been with me whenever I go to professional lingerie shoots. Sometimes I’m not able to talk to them because they’re either working or are doing other things that keep them away from the models, but just knowing that they’re there helps my nerves. This is the first time none of them have been able to join me for a shoot and I’m worried that without them, I’ll be a complete disaster.”
Merlin absorbed that, then offered him a friendly smile. “Are you new to modeling? How many shoots have you done?” he asked, trying to get a feel for the man’s experience.
The blond shook his head at the question. “Definitely not new to modeling. I’ve been in regular modeling for seven years and I’ve done more shoots than I can count. Hundreds, honestly,” he explained, then looked down and fiddled with the end of his robe. “ I am new to lingerie modeling, though. I started doing strictly lingerie nine months ago and have done three dozen shoots.”
Both of Merlin’s brows raised when the other said his experience and he hummed in surprise. “What made you change over to lingerie? With seven years of modeling and that many shoots under your belt, you could’ve stayed in regular modeling and gotten into doing high profile shoots. There’s a lot of money in those,” he pointed out.
The blond snorted.“I’ve been told that quite a lot. But…I want to do strictly lingerie. I liked regular modeling, but I want to enjoy what I model and not just do it for the money. I love lingerie and I love modeling it. I just…don’t feel confident that I’m good enough to actually do it.”
After thinking for a moment or two, Merlin smiled gently. “I think you’ll do great, in all honesty. You have the looks for it, definitely. I can’t say how you look in it because, well, you’re wrapped so tightly in that robe,” he commented, then tilted his head a little. “Do you mind showing me? It’s no pressure. I just want to see how you look, that’s all.”
The model hesitated for a moment, then let out a sigh and nodded. “As long as I don’t have to take off the robe,” he bargained, standing up and turning towards Merlin, who shook his head.
”Not at all. Just open the front,” he agreed, offering him a reassuring smile. The other man let out a nervous sigh, then hesitated a moment before he untied the robe and opened the front, revealing the lingerie he had been chosen to model.
He was wearing one of the bra and panty sets that were in a beautiful medium purple with shimmering black lace on each piece. The bra had more intricate lace on the deep cups and the panties had some on the sides as well, which was one of Merlin’s favorite parts about designing this entire set. The shimmer on the black lace looked so lovely against the purple, it was a wonderful combination. However, Merlin couldn’t help but admire how beautiful the man looked in this set. The color worked so well with his skin, the deep cups sat against his pecs like they were made for them and the panties hugged him like a second skin. He looked like a work of art, if Merlin dared to say so himself.
Merlin was speechless. It honestly took him a few moments to gather his thoughts. “You look…stunning,” he finally said, breathless as he looked at the blond, who was blushing now. “Honestly, you really do. The color looks really great on you, the bra sits so well on your chest and those panties look like they were painted on you.”
The blond blushed brighter and closed the robe. “Thank you,” he managed to say quietly after a long moment, looking at Merlin. “You really mean that?”
”I really do,” Merlin promised, then took out his phone after a sudden thought. “If it’s alright with you, I’d like to show you some of my other pieces I’ve designed. I just…I really think you’d like them. You look so good in this one, I mean, I’m sure you’ll look good in some of the others I’ve designed.”
After a moment or two, the man nodded. “Alright. That’d be good, yeah,” he agreed and scooted closer as Merlin pulled up his photos of his ideas for new lingerie sets and showed them to the model.
”These are just some of my ideas for lingerie. Just to show you that you’d look good in all of them. Plus, it’s like they always say, once you know you look good, the rest comes naturally,” Merlin added and handed his phone to the model as he started to scroll through the photos, studying them. Merlin had his heart in his throat the entire time. He was always nervous showing his work to people, even to models. Hell, especially to models. They were the most critical, in his experience.
After a long couple of minutes, the blond handed Merlin his phone back, but when he did, he seemed a little more confident, and curious as well. “Your work is amazing,” he complimented. “You have a real talent for designing.”
”Thanks,” Merlin accepted with a nod, taking his phone back, feeling his heart settle back in his chest at the model’s approval. “I meant what I said, you know. You look amazing and you’ll do great.”
”I hope you’re right. Thanks.” He cleared his throat before he spoke again. “Listen, I…I’m interested in working with you again. I’m not sure if you need a model for testing pieces on or something, but…can I give you my information?”
Merlin, after taking a moment to absorb the information, nodded quickly. “Of course, absolutely! I’ll give you my card as well,” he said and handed the model his phone while digging into his back pocket. A sudden realization came to his mind. “I never got your name!”
The blond model took Merlin’s phone and chuckled. “Sorry, that’s my fault. My name’s Arthur. Arthur Pendragon,” he introduced as he typed his number into Merlin’s cell phone. Once that was done, he handed Merlin’s phone back and took the business card.
”It’s nice to meet you, Arthur,” Merlin said with a grin, then glanced at his phone before looking up at Arthur again. “I’ll be sure to give you a call or text if I need any help or anything. I promise.”
”Good. I’ll hold you to that,” Arthur said with a light smirk and turned his head as his name was called. He then looked at Merlin again and stood up, holding out his hand. “Sorry, I have to go. It was really nice to meet you. Thank you...for everything.”
Merlin took Arthur’s hand and shook it, shaking his head. “Don’t apologize. It’s no problem at all, I’m glad to help. Good luck, you’ll smash it,” Merlin said to Arthur before the other walked over to the makeup area, leaving Merlin sitting next to the chair Arthur vacated with a smile on his face.
”There you are!” Gwen’s voice cut through his daze, snapping him back to reality. “I was looking for you.”
Merlin turned to see her annoyed face watching him and he sheepishly smiled. Oh, right. He forgot he was supposed to be actually watching the shoot. “Sorry, Gwen. I got…distracted,” he excused, then stood up. “What’s up?”
”Come on. You’re needed to oversee the next part of this shoot,” Gwen ordered and took his hand, leading him away from the model’s preparation area.
Merlin couldn’t get Arthur Pendragon out of his head after meeting him that day.
He watched him model the purple lingerie during the shoot and he was simply captivated not only by how amazing he had looked, but at the confidence that radiated off of him as he posed and took direction from not only the photographer, but even from the set director. He seemed so sure of himself, even around the other models when it came time to do the group photos for promotions. If Merlin hadn’t witnessed it himself, he wouldn’t have ever known that Arthur had been nervous.
After thinking about the blond over and over again two weeks after the shoot, and a glass of wine for courage one Saturday afternoon, Merlin texted Arthur to ask if he wouldn’t mind coming to the studio where his label, EMRYS, worked to help him with a few pieces he was designing for a big label. He needed a live model to test the prototype outfits and he thought Arthur might be interested in helping him.
He shouldn’t be even a little nervous texting Arthur, so he didn’t know why he was. Arthur had expressed that he wanted to work with Merlin again, so he was reaching out to give him that chance. It wasn’t as if he was admitting to the other that he couldn’t get him out of his mind. It was just giving him the chance to work together again, that’s all.
So when he got a text back from Arthur a half hour later agreeing to help him, if he let out a breath he hadn’t even been aware he was holding, then it was just for him to know.
Arthur arrived at EMRYS studios just a week after Merlin had texted him asking for his assistance, and from the start, Merlin quickly learned that Arthur wasn’t only a pretty face that had snark that could match his. He could make Merlin think.
From the first piece that he had modeled, which was a one piece, Arthur had made comments about it that made Merlin rethink part of its design, while about the second piece, a two piece lingerie set, he had expressed his opposition against Merlin’s comment to Gwen that the outfit was ‘not good enough’, asking him what was wrong with something simple?
While that had resulted in a debate between the two, it got Merlin thinking about keeping that piece in when he had originally thought differently.
The rest of the session had gone in a similar fashion and while the two didn’t butt heads on all of the pieces —most they actually agreed on—some they did. It irritated Merlin, but at the same time, a part of him really wanted to see more of Arthur as he designed and perfected these pieces. Arthur motivated his mind and sometimes just gave him the boost he needed to go with his gut, like he wanted to in the first place.
So he understood why Gwen gave him a surprised look and asked why he arranged for Arthur to come back next week. All he could do was tell her that he had a good feeling that Arthur would be useful to EMRYS.
Things snowballed after that, but in a good way. Arthur soon came by more often than just once a week and escalated to being there almost as much as Merlin was. He wasn’t just helping Merlin with designs by then, but also assisting with some of the other parts of the business that he knew from his time in the industry combined with his degree in business. A degree that his father had made him obtain when Arthur wanted to go to college, the blond had explained to Merlin. Arthur no longer really used his business degree since he decided to go into modeling, but he didn’t mind helping Merlin out where he could.
The relationship between the two had also developed quickly, even if Merlin believed it hadn’t been quick at all. From the start, it was a working relationship. Arthur had made that part very clear, and Merlin was very much okay with respecting his boundaries. Every model had them, he wasn’t surprised in the least.
But even when that boundary was set, their working relationship felt like a growing friendship, even without them acknowledging it. They bantered and argued, but there was also mutual respect between them, like when a visiting model would get too mouthy with Merlin and Arthur would come to set the model straight in his own scarily polite way, or when Arthur’s insecurity came out and Merlin had to come and reinforce to him that yes, Arthur did know what he was doing or else Merlin wouldn’t have trusted him. Their friendship grew more when they bonded over their love of animals—though their argument of ‘cats or dogs’ still had no clear winner—and when Merlin found out Arthur was a great baker, especially since he was learning to bake in what little spare time he had.
Even with their friendship growing quickly, it still caught Merlin off guard when, seven months later, Arthur shared with Merlin that he was Demisexual during an after work dinner conversation about how Merlin wanted to do a Pride themed lingerie line for his next collection. When Merlin asked why Arthur never shared this before, he explained that he didn’t like to advertise his sexuality because most people didn’t understand what ‘Demisexual’ really was, but Arthur was happy to see that Merlin actually did know what demisexuality was.
Merlin reciprocated and revealed to Arthur then that he was Asexual, explaining that demisexuality was technically on the asexual spectrum as well, which is how he knew. He even revealed to Arthur that partly why he got into lingerie was to break the stereotype that people who were ace were ‘prudes’ and ‘didn’t like anything to do with sex’. He wanted to prove that some ace people, like himself, like sexy things, such as lingerie and designing it, and didn’t find it sexual at all. He also wanted to remind people that each asexual person was different.
After that dinner, there seemed to be some kind of tension between the two, but it wasn’t bad.
At least, Merlin didn’t think so. No, it was the kind of tension where someone was waiting for a move to be made or for something to be said to break it. Merlin just didn’t really know what had to be said or done to break the tension. Hell, he didn’t even know if he had to be the one to break it.
Or maybe he did and he just was in denial about it. That’s what Gwen claimed, but what did she know? She claimed Arthur and Merlin were ‘in love’ and ‘were just being idiots about it’, but there was no way someone like Arthur had feelings like that for him. It wasn’t possible.
Was it?
“Merlin!” a voice called, followed by someone flicking his ear. Merlin yelped at the pain and immediately turned while covering his ear to see Arthur watching him with an annoyed expression.
“Did you listen to anything I just told you?” he asked, pushing a cup of tea onto Merlin’s desk before sitting next to him. “Or were you too busy doodling?” Merlin looked down at the notepad he’d been taking notes on and saw various doodles of dragons and fire and swords instead of notes. He sighed and looked back at Arthur.
”I didn’t, but does it really matter?” Merlin asked. “We keep going over the same thing and coming to the exact same conclusion we have the first four times.” He set the pen down on the notebook. “No matter what angle we try, we just can’t make the timeline work for Pride month this year. We have to push it back. Like I said before.”
”I really think if you listened to what I just told you, you’d think differently,” Arthur protested, giving him a look, but Merlin only rubbed his eyes in response.
”Arthur, come on. I don’t want to rehash this any more than we already have,” Merlin argued. “I honestly appreciate your efforts in trying to make this work, but it won’t this time.”
Arthur frowned. ”That’s where you’re wrong. I really feel like it’ll work if you just listen to what I suggested.”
”I’m done talking about it,” Merlin decided, standing up and glaring at his friend. Arthur stood up with him, matching his look.
“Too bad, because I’m not.”
”And you’re going to make me listen to you?”
”I will because you’ll thank me once you listen.”
”And enlighten me, how are you going to make me listen?”
Without another word, Arthur took Merlin’s shoulders and pulled him close. In a second, they were kissing.
Arthur was kissing him.
Arthur was kissing him.
It took a moment or two for him to react, but Merlin returned Arthur’s kiss, his heart galloping in his chest with his mind frozen and solely focused on the kiss.
When the two finally broke away from each other, it took Merlin a moment to open his eyes and look at Arthur, who was breathing as heavily as he was, and smirked a little. “Was that just so I had to listen to you?” he teased.
Arthur huffed out a laugh. “Well, that too. But I’ve been wanting to fucking shut you up by kissing you for weeks now. I just finally found the guts to do it,” he admitted, then seemed to hesitate. “So, you kissed me back. Does that mean…?”
Merlin laughed a little and nodded. “Yes, you clotpole. It means I feel the same way you do.” He cupped Arthur’s cheek. “I’m just a little slow to realize when people actually want to date me.”
”Why does that not surprise me?” Arthur asked sarcastically, laughing when Merlin looked mock offended and hit his shoulder.
”I take back what I said. I don’t feel the same way. I don’t date rude arseholes,” Merlin said, but made it clear he was joking, especially since he didn’t move away from Arthur. “It comes with being ace, to be fair. I can never tell when anyone’s flirting with me.”
”Seriously?” Arthur asked, raising a brow. “How do you not know?”
”Like I said, I’m slow to realize it. I just…never caught on.” Merlin shrugged helplessly, giving a small smile.
”Well, lucky for you, we have time to practice what someone flirting with you looks like,” Arthur announced, taking Merlin’s hand. Merlin just laughed.
”Just how I want to spend my time. Perfect,” he retorted, and grinned before sharing another kiss with Arthur.
Merlin would never have thought he’d find himself in this dilemma again after so long.
And yet here he was, sitting on Arthur’s bed, scrolling through his phone while his mind tried to figure out how to not only initiate sex with Arthur tonight, but to make sure that the other participant actually wanted it.
Ever since he’d been through puberty, he knew that there was something different about him. Not just the fact that he was gay, that had been a whole other situation on its own. No, it had been the fact that when he hung out with Will or the other boys in school, he didn’t understand what they meant when they talked about how ‘hot’ someone was or the jokes they would make about going to the movies but not actually watching the movie. He kept his confusion to himself, assuming at first that he would get the jokes eventually. But when he got older and still didn’t understand what everyone felt, he stopped waiting for whatever ‘it’ was and just assumed that he was broken.
When he heard about asexuality and learned more about what it actually was, he finally realized he wasn’t broken. He was asexual, he was valid, and being asexual was okay.
Even after discovering his sexuality, it still didn’t make it any easier to figure out when others were flirting or hitting on him. He would always find out afterwards, sometimes much later, much to his embarrassment. Even in the few relationships he’d been in, he could never tell when his partners wanted sex. He and his partners would always talk about his asexuality and how awful he was at taking hints, especially when it came to people wanting sex. They would always agree to make the hints obvious or even ask outright.
Yet even with obvious hints and asking outright, sex with his partners would either happen very rarely or never at all, and the relationship would die quickly. It wasn’t just due to the sex, no, but Merlin would be surprised if that wasn’t a big factor as to why his previous partners had broken up with him.
After his relationship with Daegal ended, Merlin vowed that he’d never date again. It was too complicated to navigate, especially being ace, and he was better off alone than being with someone only for it to end in heartbreak and disappointment on both ends. Plus, he didn’t have the time now, with his career taking off like it was, so it was really for the best. At least, that’s what he told himself.
But then Arthur came along and turned his world upside down.
Merlin loved Arthur. Even after just six months of dating, he already knew that the blond model with sass to match his own and enough kindness to fill an ocean had his heart. He had never met anyone else like Arthur and didn’t want to at this point, maybe not ever again.
But while he knew the other was demisexual, Merlin also knew that Arthur had had sex. They’d talked about each other sex’s lives one night a couple months after they got together. While Merlin had managed to talk only about the important parts of his own, which was the fact that he’d had it before and wasn’t shy in the bedroom, and avoided the embarrassing parts, Arthur had been open with sharing the fact that he’d had casual sex before and also had his share of relationships, many more than Merlin.
In hindsight, he knew he should’ve asked Arthur about his previous casual sex even though he was demi. But he also remembered that, like asexuality or any sexuality, Demisexuality isn’t the same for everyone. So it was possible that Arthur just wanted to have casual sex as a way to take care of needs, or maybe it was in his past. Merlin didn’t ask because he didn’t want to be rude or seem like he wanted to avoid sex with Arthur because in reality, he was mostly just curious.
Truthfully, Merlin couldn’t care less about sex. He masturbated when he needed to, but that was pretty much it. He could live perfectly happily without sex for the rest of his life.
But could Arthur? That, Merlin didn’t know, especially given the last month.
For the past month, the topic of sex had seemed to come up in conversation in more ways than one. Either as a comment about something they saw on TV or even as a subject one night when they were working on another piece for the Pride collection, it was brought up in some way. While talking about sex never bothered Merlin, he also never talked about it this much, especially with Arthur.
That alone already made Merlin think Arthur wanted sex with him and just didn’t know how to ask. It wouldn’t surprise him, since Merlin had learned quickly that his boyfriend wasn’t exactly great with talking about what he wanted. But what really solidified the idea was when Arthur had messaged him while Merlin was working at EMRYS studios earlier today, asking him if he could come over that night because he had a surprise for Merlin that he might like.
Of course, Merlin had said yes, but when he arrived to Arthur’s flat after work, his boyfriend had greeted him wearing his normal clothes and award-winning smile, so Merlin quickly forgot about the surprise Arthur wanted to show him while the two made, then ate dinner.
But now, Merlin was sitting on Arthur’s bed, waiting with his heart in his throat for him to emerge from the bathroom with whatever he wanted to show Merlin. Now that he had thought about it, he was sure: Arthur wanted sex.
As much as Merlin had been dreading it and hoping it wouldn’t happen, deep down, he knew he couldn’t avoid it forever. He supposed it was better to have sex with Arthur now to show him that he was trash at it, but he could try, before they inevitably broke up. Because that’s how it always happened.
Even amazing, wonderful, understanding, sassy, cabbage headed and pratty Arthur would leave him. Because even though he was demisexual, Arthur needed sex sometimes, and Merlin just couldn’t give it to him.
”Ready?” a voice called, causing Merlin to jump in surprise. His phone flew out of his hand and landed on the bed as he put a hand on his chest and let out a breath to steady his racing heart.
Well, it was time to actually face the situation.
“Ready!” he answered, turning to sit on the edge of the bed so he was facing the bathroom, hands fidgeting in his lap. When Arthur emerged from the bathroom, Merlin’s jaw nearly fell to the floor.
Arthur was wearing a red two piece lingerie set with white tropical flowers on the bra and panties. The bra had red lace around the edges, hugging Arthur’s pecs like they’d fallen in love with them instantly, with the body of the bra made with red mesh dotted with the tropical flowers, so only hints of Arthur’s skin could be seen. The only part that wasn’t made from mesh was a small piece on the center of both cups, which hid Arthur’s nipples.
The panties had the same idea. It was made with red mesh that would normally show everything were it not for the white tropical flowers that covered the mesh and only showed bits of skin. The only part that was made with opaque fabric was Arthur’s crotch. The waistband and leg holes on the panties had red lace on them and to top everything off, there was a little bow on the bra, in between Arthur’s pecs, much like a present.
Arthur leaned against the doorway to the bathroom and smiled at Merlin, posing so Merlin could see all of Arthur. “What do you think?” he asked after a second, his voice fond. Merlin could hear the hint of insecurity, though. It still baffled Merlin how Arthur could be insecure about how he looked in lingerie, even when Merlin would never stop complimenting Arthur on how amazing he looked.
Merlin swallowed and looked at Arthur when he was able to tear his eyes away from his pecs. “You look so fucking beautiful,” he breathed out, then barely remained sitting as Arthur grinned wide, wanting to go over to him and admire him up close. “Seriously, you’re gorgeous. Where did you get that?”
”It’s a part of the new ‘Bon Voyage’ collection from Carelon,” Arthur explained, doing a little turn so Merlin could see the peekaboo back of the panties before facing him again. “Not released yet, but Annis gave this to me as extra thanks for helping them with that business thing and for still being able to do the shoot.”
Merlin gave a fond smile when he heard that. Arthur had been making a name for himself in the lingerie fashion world so far, not just in modeling but in also being a consultant for when designers and businesses needed advice. Merlin was happy to let Arthur spread his wings and go off on his own if he wanted to, but Arthur swore that his place was with EMRYS and always would be. He just wanted to help others and do business along the way, that was all.
Not that Merlin minded. He trusted Arthur completely.
”Quite a thank you gift,” Merlin commented, his mouth dry due to nervousness as Arthur sultrily walked over to Merlin and stood in front of him, putting his hands on his shoulders. Merlin reached out and took a moment or two to admire the fabric on Arthur’s lingerie and the design, earning a content sigh from Arthur. “Definitely a great thank you gift.”
”Their work is quality, I told you,” Arthur replied, smiling down when Merlin finally looked up at his boyfriend.
”I know it is.” Merlin hummed and reached around, squeezing Arthur’s arse. “Fuck, Arthur, you look so amazing. I could devour you.” He grinned as the blond laughed at that.
”Sounds like a plan to me,” Arthur answered and leaned down, capturing Merlin’s lips in a kiss. Merlin returned the kiss, realizing that this was it. If he and Arthur were going to have sex, it was going to happen now. Merlin was sure of it.
Merlin deepened the kiss after a moment or two, which Arthur easily accepted. Merlin stood up after a second and put his hands on his hips, not breaking from the kiss. He then pressed against him, subtly rolling his hips against Arthur’s. It was a step by step process for him to do it at this point, like a game or process. He knew the things to do, what sounds to make and what to say to get through the act of sex.
Arthur didn’t seem to notice the subtle movement, so Merlin repeated the action, but made it more obvious this time. Yet, he still didn’t react. Merlin started to panic a little. Was he doing it wrong? Did Arthur not like what he was doing? What was he supposed to be doing?
Thinking quickly, Merlin moved his hands from Arthur’s hips to his arse and not only squeezed it, but used it to press Arthur’s bulge with his own, rolling his hips one more time. This was sure to turn Arthur on, it had to. Beyond that, he didn’t know what else to do.
His heart sank when Arthur broke the kiss and frowned, confused. “Merlin, what are you doing?” he asked, raising a brow.
Merlin swallowed nervously and moved his hands back to Arthur’s hips instantly, his heart stuttering an uneven beat in his chest. “I…I’m trying to turn you on,” he explained, though it sounded more like a question to his ears.
Arthur’s face became more confused at that and he blinked, stepping back. “To turn me on?” he repeated. Merlin felt his stomach drop to the floor when he stepped back, but nodded. Oh no, this wasn’t good. Had he done a terrible job?
”Yeah. Since, y’know, you want to have sex and that’s what you do when you want to have it,” he replied.
Arthur rolled his eyes. “I know that, Merlin. I’m just curious as to why you want to have sex.”
Merlin wasn’t sure what feeling was stronger: the disappointment he felt for some reason or the confusion as to why Arthur was asking him that. ”Because you wanted it. Right?” he faltered, furrowing his brows.
“What? No! Wh-why would you think that?” Arthur asked, his tone incredulous and confused. Merlin felt dread and shame build in his stomach, but pressed on with the conversation before he followed his instinct and just ran from the flat.
”Well, you’ve brought it up a lot in the past month and…and now you invite me over to show me this lingerie you bought, which is gorgeous by the way, and I just assumed this was your subtle way of wanting sex.” Merlin said. He was confused. If Arthur didn’t want sex, then why was there all of that sex talk recently? That had to mean that he wanted sex. It always meant that!
The blond let out a long sigh and seemed to relax after a moment, shaking his head. “Sit down, Merlin,” Arthur said and walked over to the bathroom, grabbing a dark bathrobe and putting it on while Merlin sat down on the bed, battling with the numerous feelings churning inside him and keeping his eyes on his partner.
Arthur walked over to the bed as he tied the robe and sat next to Merlin, looking at him. “I think we should get on the same page as far as sex goes,” he started, then cleared his throat. “We never quite talked about, y’know, what we wanted to do with regards to sex. I didn’t quite know how to bring the topic up without making it sound…awkward or weird, so I figured that asking questions would be less complicated.” He snorted. “So much for that.”
Merlin gave him a small smile. “You meant well,” he reassured him. “I’m not exactly blameless either. I should’ve asked my own questions earlier. You mentioned having casual sex and sex in other relationships and I just assumed that…you wanted sex with me sooner or later.”
Arthur shrugged. “I mean, I had casual sex back before I realized I was demi, which was years ago. I don’t like sex without meaning, but I thought it was the ‘right’ thing to do for a straight man. And I had sex in past relationships, yes, but only when we’ve both talked about it and made sure we were on the same page,” He explained, then looked at Merlin. “Can I assume that by how uncertain you sounded about the entire sex thing that you’re not a fan of it?”
Merlin sighed deeply and rubbed his eyes. He had to reveal the truth now. There was no use in hiding it any longer. “It’s not that I’m not a fan. I don’t mind it and if the other person really wants it, I can have sex with them, I don’t mind. But otherwise…I can go the rest of my life without sex,” he admitted. “I only do what I need to to take care of my libido and that’s pretty much it.”
Arthur reached out and took Merlin’s hand, lacing their fingers together. “But you were willing to have sex with me?” he asked, sounding a little confused.
”Like I said, if the other person wants it, I can have it. It doesn’t bother me,” Merlin said, shrugging. “I just…You mean a lot to me, Arthur. I know we’ve only been dating six months, but…I can say with confidence that I love you. If having sex would make you happy…I’d do that.”
Arthur gave Merlin a loving smile and leaned in, capturing Merlin’s lips in a gentle kiss. “You sweet, daft idiot,” he teased when he broke away, chuckling at Merlin’s confused expression. “I appreciate the sentiment. But I don’t want you to make yourself uncomfortable or do anything you don’t want to do just to make me happy. Honestly, I’d be happy if we never had sex.”
Merlin’s brows raised at that and his heart skipped a beat. Was he serious? He couldn’t be. “Arthur…are you sure? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. If you want sex, then—”
”I don’t need sex, Merlin,” Arthur interrupted. “If we never have sex, I’m not going to wither away and die. I want both of us to be happy. Plus, there’s always mutual masturbation.” He raised a brow at that, a smile on his lips. “That is, if you decide you’re okay with that when the time comes.”
Merlin blushed at the mention of mutual masturbation, but smiled. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable, Arthur, and that I didn’t talk to you about this sooner.” He let out a sigh, keeping his eyes on his partner.
”I’m sorry too. For the record, you didn’t make me uncomfortable, more confused as to why the man I was in love with was trying to awkwardly grind on me,” Arthur explained, laughing as Merlin groaned and hung his head.
”I was trying!” Merlin whined in defense as Arthur pulled him into a hug, kissing his cheek.
”I know you were. But you don’t have to. I love you with or without the sex,” Arthur promised him, pulling away just enough to give him another kiss.
Merlin returned the kiss and pressed their foreheads together, relaxing for just a moment. “So, does this mean I can just spend the night admiring how beautiful you look in that bra and panty set?” he asked. “Because you are stunning, Arthur. Seriously.”
That earned Merlin a wide smile from Arthur and another loving kiss before he said, “I can’t think of a better way to spend the night.”
8 months later
Merlin let out a deep sigh as he finally sat down in the chair he was given for the photoshoot, his tablet in his hand as he shut his eyes for a moment to just relax. The shoot for this collection was a bit more stressful than his last one had been, but it was completely worth it.
There were a lot of moving parts happening today. There were more models than he ever had at his other shoots, more pieces that had to be shot as a group, then individually before shooting everyone as one big group and on top of that, makeup and hair was going to be a little more complicated than what Merlin was used to. This wasn’t to mention trying to coordinate everything so the entire shoot ran smoothly.
He thanked whoever was above that he had a few people to help keep everything straight and make sure that he didn’t miss anything, especially Gwen and Arthur.
Merlin opened the protective cover of his tablet and unlocked it, looking at the sketches he had made of the lingerie that were part of his new collection, ‘PRIDEFUL’. Made just in time for Pride Month, Merlin made sure that he included most sexualities in this collection, including gay, bisexual, pansexual, even asexual and demisexual. He even included one pieces for each sexualities, not just two pieces like he normally would. He wanted to be more inclusive in this collection and made it a point to add more one pieces this time around.
Slowly swiping through the sketches in his tablet, Merlin lingered on one of the demisexual two pieces that were going to be shot today. The base of the bra and panties were black, and there was grey and white lace on the bra cups and on the panties themselves. The combination of grey and white were intricate and in Merlin’s opinion, they looked amazing, layered as they were. To top it off, there was purple lace along the edges of the bra and panties. It was one of Merlin’s favorite pieces, but then again, he supposed he was biased, considering who he made it for.
A sudden kiss to his cheek surprised him, but the voice that followed didn’t. “Finally got to sit down?” Arthur asked, moving so that he was standing in front of Merlin. He was dressed in a white robe that was tied closed. However, his hair was tousled and his makeup was done as well, his eye makeup elegant and yet, not elegant enough to take away from the lingerie that was underneath the robe, the same lingerie that was on the sketch in front of him.
Merlin smiled. “Finally,” he answered with a nod. “I feel like my brain is going a hundred miles an hour and I’m not doing nearly as much as you and Gwen are.” He looked at Arthur and let out a breath. “Seriously, thank you again for helping out with the shoot. It means a lot.”
Arthur waved a hand at that and walked closer to Merlin, leaning against the chair. “I’m happy to help. Besides, if I leave you to do most of the coordinating today, nothing will get done,” he added, chuckling. “It’s a lot for just one person to do.”
”Mm, still. Your help is appreciated.” Merlin shrugged and put a hand on Arthur’s waist, looking at the robe before looking at Arthur’s makeup. “Does the outfit fit ok? Not too tight or anything?”
”Course not,” Arthur said, shaking his head. “I told you it would be fine.” He stroked Merlin’s hair and cupped his cheek. “Relax, alright? I don’t need you frazzled before lunch. Gwen will kill both of us.”
”I’m not frazzled,” Merlin denied with a small pout, even if he actually was.
”No, just worrying over every single thing. Same thing.” Arthur gave him a look, then leaned down and pressed a loving, soothing kiss to Merlin’s lips. “Relax,” he ordered with a firm look once he broke away.
Merlin rolled his eyes, but nodded. “I’ll try,” he relented, then pulled Arthur close and hugged him. “I love you, my muse.”
He felt Arthur’s arms wrap around his neck and another kiss pressed to his forehead. “I love you too, my artist.”
They stayed like that for a moment or two before Arthur was pulled away by Gwen and Merlin was left to watch his model boyfriend work the camera. Not that he minded one little bit, honesty.
Merlin much preferred to watch Arthur work, anyway. It was the best part of his job, especially since he got to go home with him at the end of the day.