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While contained after Wraith had lost her memory, she never truly slept right again after that event. Aggressive and apprehensive towards everything and everyone around her. She didn't know who she was, where she was at, and who the people in the lab coats were. She sat pushed up against the wall, hugging her knees and would blankly stare towards the dark empty room. On edge and unwilling to sleep.
Dark circles plagued her eyes, barely able to keep them open. The scientist watched her, writing notes and observations they witnessed. Two days of fighting before they deemed her ready. Her brain addled, sleep deprived, and perfect for manipulating it to their will. Storming in with armed guards that forcefully grabbed her and dragged her away to a separate area.
Medical grade white walls lined with pipes and directional labels. The ceilings had fluorescent bulbs that burned her sensitive eyes and nearly blinded her. Pulled into a room separated by glass, beyond it a single chair with equipment she's never seen but doubted any good coulr come from them. Far darker than the hall, blinking to adjust to the harsh light change. She squirms, attempting to flee but the guards are too strong.
She too weak, too tired and helpless. Strapped to the single chair with a light hanging over it. Fighting as hard as she could, thrashing and opening her mouth to try and bite them. Ultimately failing. Leather tied and fastened to her wrists so tight she felt her circulation almost cut. She struggles for a few moments, testing how strong they were. She had no chance.
Brought from her thoughts to a voice. Something calling out to her that this is dangerous. She's in danger. Panic settles deep and clings to her throat, finding it hard to breathe. Blue eyes shift milky white, almost as white as the hallway. Frantically darting back and forth. A few instruments strapped to the chair move and pain ensues. Pain she's never felt before or could remember.
Pain so fierce, so mind numbing that her eyes squeezed shut, a scream erupted from her throat. So loud it left the muscle raw and pierced the door, anyone outside of it could hear. Metal inserting underneath her skin at the bicep, pricking deep, deep enough to scrape bone. Fire licked across her skin, and it burned. Burned as if fire placed directly onto flesh. Throwing her head back and struggling to kick her legs in their own restraints. Fists clenching hard atop the arm rests.
Another instrument threatened to pierce her eye. The shiny, sharp object deathly close. Pressing just below the organ and away from the bone. The pressure caused her to open her eyes, staring right at the tool. Wraith took a few labored breaths, panicking, then felt it push through. Her body and mind overwhelmed with hurt, succumbing to it.
And she awoke back inside her prison. Cold, shaking, and exhausted. Body sore and eyelids heavy. Along her arms were implants, wounds beginning to heal. Looking at her reflection, eyes a bloody red from blood vessels popping. Underneath a puncture wound that she could only imagine what they did.
She didn't know what they did to her. How badly she could've been hurt or how long she had been out for. After that she persisted on fighting sleep for as long as she could. Trying to keep conscious whenever the experiments took place. If she did fall asleep however, they'd be littered with nightmares. Not even her dreams were a safe place, an escape from her reality. They only honed in on how unsafe she felt. How abused she truly is. Nightmares that forced her to relive it all for a second time, taunting her with no escape in sight.
All she knew was this never ending cycle of torture, being used like a personal guinea pig. The voices kept her up which helped at first but became an annoying buzz in her ears that she couldnt get rid of, eventually she learned to tune them out. Leading up to being saved and reaching the Void, the place the scientist dreamed of achieving through her. Finding her way into a universe where she had hope. A chance.
And a chance she did. Finding her way through the leagues and joining the Apex Games. Quickly becoming a crowd favorite through her aggressive and brutal nature. Her abilities that she learned to accept became a great asset to any legend that joined her. Including the voices that, much to her dismay, provided useful intel and warnings necessary to give them the edge to win. Although the wins were great and the rewards sweeter, usually ending up at Elliot's bar afterwards go celebrate, the trauma of her past still lingered.
She wished they had disappeared once she took control of her life, finally in a safe environment, a place to call her own, and yet every night she hesitated to even lay down on the bed. Still scared to dream, to have those nightmares that haunted her. With neighbors now, she'd accidentally scare them awake through the walls when she woke up with a scream, terrified and sweating. A few complaints and concerns of hearing her crying, almost begging someone to make it all stop. Wraith never answered these concerns. Brushing them off and refusing to divulge her past to any of them.
This became routine. Some nights were easier, some she was waking up and avoiding sleep for periods at a time. Other nights it's the voices keeping her awake and relapsing once more. Her only means of keeping them quiet when Ajay's prescriptions failed her. When Natalie entered the picture, meeting her again after the forest fire incident, she felt at ease besides the initial embarrassment. Natalie was easy to talk to, she never held any disgust or judgement, only caring and compassionate eyes. Respecting all boundaries Wraith had in place. Treating Wraith like a normal person. Making jokes, keeping her company, inviting her to after game parties.
Excited whenever she got Wraith to smile or laugh with her puns. Comfortable enough to express her stims without fear of the other woman finding it weird. Wraith always enjoyed seeing her happy, it made her happy in turn. A feeling she didn't get to experience often let alone express it.
Starting off as close friends who were connected at the hip. The only person that could get close to Wraith that slowly became something more, something deeper formed when Natalie got into her accident. Bonding over a traumatic event and the scars they sustained from it. Natalie hadn't heard of Wraith's past and took great caution listening to her while stuck inside the medical bay, quiet and supporting. Telling her she wouldn't leave her alone and keep her safe from then on.
It struck another feeling for Wraith. To be heard and understood. Not called crazy or a basketcase and with some encouragement from Elliot, she confessed to Natalie later on and to her surprise, reciprocated.
They kept it a secret for a while, besides Elliot who Wraith couldn't help but tell since he helped. The man equally as happy for her before coming out to the rest of the legends who were all too supportive of them. More so Wraith, seeing how relaxed and the difference from her first days to now a stark contrast. Matches had gone by and days blurred as the spent more time together without so much as a fight or problem. Even as Wraith struggled to be vulnerable, Natalie never rushed or asked much, only for her to take her time.
Later on it proposed the idea when they would move in together and while Natalie excitedly accepted the idea, Wraith didn't comment. Their time dating, she avoided sleeping around Natalie as much as possible. Logically she knew nothing would happen to her but the fear of experiencing nightmares increased her insomnia, more so if she were to share a bed. The implication wasn't lost on the engineer. She knew of the struggles.
Natalie had reassured her that she'd be safe and even with nightmares she'll be there for her. Wraith hesitated but agreed and to her surprise again, she didn't experience nightmares as often. In fact, it was the best sleep she's gotten in years. Her voices were quiet and she felt safe, genuinely safe for the first time within Natalie's arms. She didnt dream but she didn’t care. Its a start. She thought perhaps it would last, that she finally escaped the grasp of her trauma.
How wrong and stupid she felt later on believing that.
It should've been any other night. They had both showered after a grueling day at the games. They weren't on the same team which ultimately lead to them crossing paths on the battlefield. The voices allowed Wraith to get the jump on them but Natalie's fences proved to be a thorn in their side and once she realized they were cornered, the pylon came out. That only made it harder for Wraith, Ash, and Horizon to smoke them out of their cover.
A quick portal and phase inside however caught the other squad off guard enough to quickly destroy the pylon and throw thermite. It wasn't easy to face Natalie. For both of them. Pointing the gun at her and mouthing an apology before pulling the trigger to secure them the win. Natalie took no offense, celebrating Wraith's victory at the bar, a glass of wine, an appletini and a long overdue rest.
Wraith sighs, content as Natalie wraps her arms around her torso, nestling her into the crook of her neck. Their shared bodywash and shampoo flooding her nose and Wraith smiles warmly. A scent she's grown familiar with. A gentle kiss to the back of her neck and a light squeeze of her arms that reassures Wraith. A nightly ritual, something Wraith appreciated more than she could ever vocalize.
"Goodnight mon amour." Natalie whispers.
The simple phrase enough to make Wraith flustered. Red tinting ivory cheeks and burying her face within the blankets. "Goodnight."
Closing her eyes and allowing her body to rest, succumbing to the dark of sleep. Quiet and still. Too still. Opening her eyes yet the darkness never left. A darkness ever so consuming. Almost suffocating her, gagging to breathe. This didn't feel right. Turning over in bed to face Natalie only to find her peacefully asleep. Her gagging increases, eyes watering. She tries to speak, shout, anything but her voice feels trapped and drowns out to a faint heart monitor, beating slowly yet rhythmically. She attempts to lift her arms to anchor herself on her girlfriend. She couldn't do that either.
Her eyelids getting heavier by the second. She glances at Natalie one last time before her eyes felt too heavy to keep open. She wakes with a stifled gasp. A scream wanting to be let out but trapped within her lungs. Her body felt like it was buzzing, pins and needles throughout every nerve. Ears ringing and a haziness began to clear up from the corners of her eyes. Moments later shivering and feeling an excessive weight around her. She doesn't recognize the building at first. Attempting to move her hands to support her when she feels restrained. Groggy and confused, she turns to her side. A few rows of wires that stretched from her shoulders and around her body.
Sensors? Her eyes widen, lurching up in bed and sweat beading her forehead. Dread gripped her lungs. Hyperventilating and sick to stomach as her eyes dart around. The same sensors intertwined with that God forsaken straitjacket. Panicking, desperately trying to move her arms. Had she been imagining this whole time? Creating a scenario to avoid her reality?
"No.. no.. no." She repeats, desperately trying to convince herself she wasn't back.
Glancing around for a way out, something she knew was in vain, pale orbs lock onto the doors sliding open. That scientist, Dr. Singh, walks in, carrying the tranquilizer gun he always used so she wouldn't fight. A necessary precaution they called it. He looks her in the eyes. If evil had a look it'd be this. A certain type of pleasure in the coming torture to access the void, to control the ability of phase technology.
No. She couldn't do this. It had to be a dream. She needed to wake up, there's no possibility the whole life she created was a lie. He begins by placing the tranquilizer down and checking her vitals. Her heart rate significantly higher. He mutters something under his breath before moving on to check the implants.
Wraith jumps from the bed, stumbling to her feet; weak and exhausted. She refused to let him to touch her. A curse muttered under his breath once she moved, clearly tired of her woeful shenanigans.
"61137, do not test my patience. You are due for another test."
That wasn't her name.
"No.. I'm not 61137. My name is Wraith." She spoke, not realizing her lips were moving. Her voice uneven and scared.
Dr. Singh raises a brow then shakes his head slowly. "Whatever you say."
Wraith searches for any way to make herself wake up. It all felt too real. The room exactly the same, same walls, floors, lights, and observation glass. Same bed thin enough to be considered paper. Frowning, she places her back against the wall. She had to get out, glancing at her captor. The scientist stares at her with a blank expression. Anger brewing behind dark orbs.
"Do not make me fetch the guards." He threatens, grabbing the tranquilizer and flipping a switch.
The skirmisher stays put, beginning to tremble. She couldn't relive this. She couldn't survive a second time.
"You're scared." He comments, noticing her shaking. Dryly, he chuckles. "If you didn't fight back I could make it all stop." Inching closer to her.
The sentence alone is enough to make chills run up her spine. "You're not touching me.."
"And when did you become so bold?" He scoffs and his grip on the tranquilizer tightens.
Clenching her jaw, Wraith thinks of only one solution. Like an animal cornered, aggressive and apprehensive. She throws her head back. Slamming the base of her head hard against the wall. Hard enough to leave her vision blurry with the first intial impact.
She hears something be yelled, reminiscent of a 'stop' but she's only concerned with herself. Her inability to relive this life. She does it once more, enough to leave her stumbling forward. Faintly hearing the scientist shout and the doors opening to reveal two guards. Hands wrap around her arms tightly, forcing her to collapse to her knees, and orders being barked above her.
Her head roughly shoved down towards her feet and the prick of the needle inserting into her neck. The tranquilizer administered, intoxicating her body.
'You didn't even try to fight back.' a voice scolded.
"Yes.. yes I did." She argues.
Loose strands falls from the half messy bun she still dawned, wincing as they pull her up by her hair. Examining her from as far as she could tell before dropping her head. Milky white eyes blinking rapidly to accommodate the blurriness and sudden brightness. Familiar medical halls and lights, she's being dragged somewhere. No, not somewhere. She knew where they were going. A path she remembered all too well.
'You just wanted the easy way out.'
"I wanted this to end. My life to end." She responds, words slurring.
One guard shifts to gaze down at her when the other snaps him out if it. "She's crazy. Ignore her."
Wraith wouldn't deny his statement.
'What would Natalie think?'
"Natalie?"
She receives a harsh tug to her hair that strains her neck. Grimacing as she's forced to look up and greeted with harsh eyes, faces obscured by helmets. She glares, furrowing her brows, the implication of his demand wasnt lost as he let's go and she returns to watching herself be dragged.
'A disappointment.'
'Scared.'
'Alone.'
'You're in danger.'
'Danger.'
Voices beginning to trickle in, one after the other. Overlapping as they begin to call out the impending danger but also ridicule her for choosing this path. Another pair of doors are opened and she's pulled to her feet. A sickening feeling in the pit of her stomach. Nausea hitting her hard. That awful chair that caused so much, that made her endure so much. Standing there in its glory, restraints open and begging for her to take her spot again.
Wraith pathetically squirms, doing her best to escape the guards who didn't let go easily. Stumbling her way towards the infamous torture device, digging her heels into the floor to delay the inevitable. Roughly forced to take a seat, a hand on her chest, pushing her down as the other guard tightens clamps over her wrists and ankles. All dignity and preservation to not give Singh what he wants is gone in an instant when the guards leave her alone.
"No. No! Don't do this to me! Not again! I can't go through this again!" She begs, pleads even.
'You're begging?'
'Pathetic'
'You're wasting your breath'
'He's laughing behind the glass'
'Stop it'
Quivering and near tears, hanging her head. "I can't. I can't!"
The machine stirs to life, the extended arms of different devices, seemingly disguised as medical instruments, move and flex their robotic parts. She could feel the slight buzz and hum of the electricity flowing through. Despite her stupor, Wraith thrashes. She thrashes her body around the restraints, pushing up against them, squirming and shaking the machine.
'We're stuck here'
"No! I had a life! I made a name for myself! I had friends, a girlfriend! I moved past this!"
The metal arms shift and their pointed tips press into her skin. A sharp pain spreading across her nerves.
'Did you?'
"Yes!"
"61137 shut your trap." Spoke Singh over the intercom.
Wraith whimpers as the needles continue to press further into her. They always did enjoy dragging out the pain, it provided better results.
'Wake up'
"I don't know how."
'Wake up'
'Wake up!'
She feels light touches of hands caressing her. A few running up along her jaw line, another going over her check. Two more on either side of her shoulders going down to her sternum. Everything felt uncomfortable. She wanted to push them away but there was nothing to push. Subtle flinches and attempts to get away within her body. Before they grabbed her side, pushing her back and forth. The machine plunges the needles into her skin and her mouth opens for a scream.
"Wraith!"
Wraith jolts awake, rising in bed with the scream finally coming out. Hands gripping at her arms and struggling to find her breath. Her bangs clung to her forehead covered in sweat. Besides her is Natalie, keeping her distance but also looking at her with concern. Their bedside lamp the only light source.
"You're okay, it was only a dream." Natalie reassures. "You're safe, you're in our room."
Wraith kicks the blankets and sheets away, feeling claustrophobic with them over her body. She takes a few moments to take in her surroundings. True to Natalie's word, she was still in the same room she fell asleep in. She swallows thickly, throat bobbing as she does so.
"May I hold your hand?"
The question barely process but Wraith nods and Natalie gently grabs the shaking hand. Squeezing it softly and staying still until Wraith decided to make the next move. The pair staying like that when the dark haired woman shifted and Natalie opened her arms for her girlfriend, hugging her close. Feeling Wraith shake as she sobbed, clinging to her shirt.
"I've got you, cherie. He cant get you."
Her voices overlapping and Wraith nearing her breaking point. Her heart beating so rapidly she feared it'll burst. Her body entirely too hot and uncomfortable, sweat causing the clothes to stick to her skin. Her scars ached, reminding her that at one point in her life it wasn't something she could wake up from.
"It felt so real. Singh, the guards, the room, the voices. Everything."
"You were mumbling in your sleep and couldn't keep still."
"I was restrained, I couldn't move. That.. that straitjacket and god awful chair. I can still feel it Nat.. the burning of the needles, the cold of metal."
Natalie rubs her back. "Shhh, it's okay. You're so brave. You've escaped, Je suis si fier, I'm so proud of you."
Wraith is quiet for a moment, thinking of what to say. Nothing felt right or enough. Only guilty of ruining their night and keeping Natalie up.
"..I'm sorry." She finally says, barely above a whisper. Vulnerable and scared.
Natalie feels herself melt and maneuvers Wraith to lift her head and look her in the eyes, wiping the tears away. "Non. Never apologize for it. I agreed to always be here for you, from the beginning. I love you."
The skirmisher could feel another wave of tears threatening to fall. "I.. love you too."
Natalie beams at the words. Wraith hardly said it but whenever she did, it never failed to make her smile. Pressing a delicate kiss on her forehead, then her nose, and finally kissing her lips. Wraith can't help the few tears shed and pulls her back into a hug. Staying there as she steadied her breathing and Natalie happily accepting it.