Archive of Our Own ^beta

The sun, having set long ago, leaves blackness outside as the sounds of domesticity filled the Diaz household. Having finished dinner a while ago, Eddie went to tackle the dishes, telling Buck “You cooked, I’ll clean, it’s the least I can do” when the other tried to protest and offer he do it. Buck was currently situated on the couch, aimlessly flicking through channels on the TV as he waited for his best friend to return from the kitchen. Christopher was already in bed, well perhaps not bed and asleep, but he’d retired to his room for the night, leaving the two adults to do as they please until their bedtime arrived.

Buck heard the sound of the tap turn off, followed by the sound of Eddie placing all the dishes on the rack to dry for the night. It's not long until his best friend returns, holding two cans of beer in his hands, handing one to Buck who graciously takes it, thanking Eddie with a quiet nod to which Eddie knew what it meant - over the course of their friendship, they'd learnt how to non-verbally communicate. Eddie softly smiles, unknowingly setting a fire in the pit of Buck's stomach who had to fight the scarlet off his face as his companion takes a seat beside him.

"Anything to watch?" Eddie asks, taking a swig of his beer as he did so, Buck watching as his throat moved with the drink washing down his body. "Hello?? Earth to Buckley??" Eddie waved a hand in front of the other man's face, Buck flushing as he felt the embarrassment take physical form as blush on his cheeks. Eddie chuckled, and the sound had Buck's heart beating faster than usual - he wasn't stupid: he knew he was in love with Eddie, but was he willing to act on those actions? No. Absolutely not. Even if the lines between platonic and something else had been starting to blur within their relationship recently – more specifically ever since their poker “date”, and especially after he’d temporarily died. The truth was that he was scared, terrified even. Eddie was the best thing to happen to him in a long time and he wasn't willing to lose that all because his stupid heart backflipped whenever his best friend looked his way.

Realizing he still hadn't answered Eddie, Buck forced words to crawl from his throat and become audible.

"Uhh, no, there's nothing interesting on right now." Eddie blinked, smiling before responding:

"Hm. Okay then." And that was that. The duo sat on the couch, in a comfortable silence as they let the night run, the moon hanging in the sky and stars littering the blanket of black outside. Buck took a sip of his beer, feeling it travel down his throat and revelling in the taste, humming in satisfaction.

Eddie's next words quite literally punched Buck in the gut.

"Hey so...I was wondering.... what led you to sleep with your therapist?" A cold wave of uneasiness washed over Buck, dread coiling in his stomach as the unfortunate topic was brought up. Buck stilled, a ringing sound making itself apparent in his ears, the man wincing. He’s only brought back to reality for a moment and it’s all thanks to Eddie having transitioned from the couch onto the table, now facing Buck and gently placing a hand on his wrist.

The moment he was in reality shattered as Buck was suddenly taken back to a familiar office, with familiar white walls and familiar chairs and a familiar table. He feels that warmth on his wrist and sucks in a breath, eyes painting a version of her who looked at him with soft eyes and brunette hair that cascaded down her shoulders. He can feel his mouth moving and words coming albeit he had no intention to speak, the words “friend” and “Facebook” floating in the air. Her eyes suddenly widen, and her honey sweet, filled with venom words come in bits and pieces, “before”, “scheduled”, “delete” and before he knew it, she’s straddling his lap and he’s never felt more sick in his life. His body moves without his permission, and he unfortunately finds his hands on her waist, keeping her in place. He’s scared – confused – petrified even, he doesn’t know what’s going nor why she’s doing this. Wasn’t she supposed to be his therapist? He thought back to how he earned love: through physical services which most certainly included sex. If this is what he had to do in order to receive help – he could still hear Devon’s frightened voice before the gasps and screams that followed as he let go – then so be it. Even if he loathed every second she placed her hands on him, even if all he wanted to do was scream and sob, even if all he wanted to do was curl up into a tiny ball and disappear from this atrocious reality.

Buck’s only brought back to the real world once his ears catch the soft “Evan” leaving Eddie’s lips. He shakes his head, vision of the house flooding back, and more especially, of an extremely worried Eddie Diaz who had a frown present on his face, eyes filled with concern for his dearest friend. Eddie’s eyes were crinkled with distress after having witnessed the way Buck’s eyes had glazed over and no matter what he did, he just couldn’t snap him back to reality.

“Are you okay..?” Buck frowns at how quiet Eddie sounds – he’d never heard him sound this…anxious, not unless it was matters regarding Christopher. The blond gently nodded his head, attempting to plaster on a smile which, much to his disappointment, Eddie saw right through, gripping his hands (when had he started holding his hands?) tighter as if to reassure him it was okay to talk about his feelings and that he wouldn’t get judged. Buck avoided Eddie’s gaze, glancing at the TV in the background that was still playing some channel about animal documentaries that Buck is sure Christopher would have enjoyed if he were still awake. “Cariño, talk to me, would you?” Buck snaps his head back to Eddie who looks like a sad kicked puppy on the side of the road, and it absolutely crushes Buck to see him that way – even worse knowing that he was the reason for it.

“I’m okay Eds, I was just…thinking,” Eddie continues glancing at him, biting his lip and gnawing the skin off before sighing, his leg anxiously bouncing to which Buck placed his hand on, squeezing the limb as a measure of comfort, Eddie smiling sympathetically back at him.

“I get we joked about it at the firehouse but…you know it’s really unethical to sleep with your therapist, right?” Eddie spoke and Buck couldn’t help but tremble as he realized just where this conversation was headed. Usually, he’d run from these situations (he always runs), but this is Eddie Diaz – the man who had unknowingly stolen his heart and Buck didn’t want to run away from him, especially not after they promised to confide in each other following their reconciliation after the awful lawsuit that had caused rifts to form within the 118.

“I know I just…” Buck’s sentence trailed off. He just what? What was he meant to say? He didn’t know? He did know – he was just lost in the heat of the moment and thought that if he slept with Dr Wells, he would be able to receive the necessary help. Eddie squeezed his hands reassuringly, causing a warmth to flood through Buck’s blood and he smiled – for real this time – at the man who he was head over heels in love with.

“Buck…can I ask you a question?” Eddie suddenly prompted and Buck cocked his head to the side, curiosity filling him.

“Shoot your shot man.”

Buck should’ve expected this, but in all honesty, he didn’t.

“Did you…did you ever consent to her sleeping with you…?” Buck considered the question for a single second before blurting out an answer that most definitely did not satisfy Eddie.

“I…I didn’t say no Eddie…it…it was consensual…” Even saying the word ‘consensual’ in regards to Dr Wells had Buck feeling that, no, that was horribly wrong. He shook his head, refusing to believe it. Eddie carefully grabbed Buck’s chin, compelling the other to look him dead in the eye as he quietly spoke out his next words that rang in the dead of the night.

“Listen to me Buck. Did you…ever say yes?” Eddie asked gently, hoping to coax an answer out of out of the blond.

His eyes widened ever so slightly as he replayed the memories of that horrid day over and over again. Had he? Had he given her consent to touch him? He remembers them talking which then led to them having sex, but he doesn’t recall him telling her that it was okay for her to do what she did. He didn’t remember any form of consent having been spoken and his blood ran cold with the realization. He inhaled sharply, feeling his eyes water as he came to the calamitic conclusion as to what had happened to him that day.

“Oh Evan…” Eddie’s voice sounds so despairingly tragic as he too realized what Buck had endured. The hold on his hands tightens and the look in Eddie’s eyes break Buck, the latter lunging towards his best friend and hooking his arms around the other’s waist, burying his face in the crook of his neck as the dam broke, wet, messy tears streaming down his face as he sobbed raucously. Eddie rubbed his back comfortingly, muttering soft endearments in Spanish as he held onto the man he practically shared a life with.

Buck’s cries broke Eddie’s heart into a million pieces – he absolutely loathed it whenever his loved ones were in pain (when did Buck become a loved one?) and he’d rather go to war again and experience brutal bloodshed than hear the wailing of those who he cherished most. He held onto Buck tightly, never having heard such guttural and gut-wrenching cries that, despite being muffled by Eddie’s neck, were still quite loud. Eddie could feel his skin gradually becoming soaked with the tears that flooded down Buck’s pretty (pretty?) face. The younger man trembled in his grip and Eddie only held onto him tighter.

“You’re alright Buck, she can’t hurt you now,” Eddie reassuringly spoke, except he had no idea whether Buck heard him or not, especially not with how loud his cries were.

Eddie raked his hands through Buck's hair, untangling the curly locks in the process of attempting to settle him down. The older man didn't know how much time had passed, but at some point, he started hearing soft footsteps pad down the hallway from Christopher's bedroom and he was instantly on edge, tightening his hold around Buck who was too lost to notice anything amiss. Buck's cries had subsided to a soft sniffle, his throat beginning to hurt from how much he sobbed, and he couldn't help but nuzzle himself further into his work partner for comfort. Only the kitchen light was on, leaving the living room in a blanket of darkness to which things were only visible thanks to the kitchen light.

And suddenly, a small voice spoke up, and Eddie's caution melted away instantly as it was only his son who was sleepily rubbing away at his eyes, the dinosaur plushie Buck had gotten him when they went to the zoo in hand.

"Dad?" Christopher's small, and sleepy voice spoke out, Eddie gently smiling at his son who slowly approached him and Buck who he was still comforting. "Is Buck okay? Why did I hear these loud cries earlier?" Eddie winced, gently nudging Buck to gather his attention, the man looking up at him with puffy eyes that still had slow tears trekking down them. Taking his thumb, Eddie wiped the wetness away, before softly speaking to him.

"Hey Buck. Chris managed to wake up, you up to talking with him?" Buck froze, terror flashing in his eyes at the thought of his favourite person seeing him like this before he sharply inhaled, shyly turning to look at the 12-year-old, giving him a soft smile.

"Hey superman. I'm sorry I woke you up," Christopher frowned and Buck had to force himself to focus on the hand stroking his back rather than the crushing feeling of guilt for making his son- best friend's son feel like that.

"Why are you apologizing for crying? Dad tells me to never feel sorry for myself. Also...are you okay? What happened?" Oh. Damn Eddie for being such an amazing dad.

How was Buck supposed to tell a 12-year-old just what exactly had transpired that fateful day in the office of that department therapist? Was it even appropriate? He should find a way to soften the blow, otherwise Eddie might hate him for being way too explicit with his young child-

"Buck just remembered some unpleasant memories bud. You know how sometimes you still get nightmares about the tsunami or your mother's death? Yeah, that's what's happening to Buck right now." Thank the lord for the blessing in disguise that was Eddie Diaz.  

"Oh. Can I hug him, dad? I usually feel better after a hug." Eddie looked down at Buck, silently asking him it was okay to let go of him. Buck meekly nodded and Eddie slowly let go, instantly missing the warmth that came with Buck's body. Buck fully turned his body around, on his knees, as Christopher wrapped his arms around him and laid his head on his shoulder, telling him that everything would be alright. Buck, much to his own dismay and mortification, instantly burst into wet, hot tears. If the situation wasn't so melancholic, Eddie would have been impressed by the sheer number of tears Buck could shed. The younger man held onto the young boy tightly, crying into his shoulder, the child gently patting his back whilst telling him everything would be okay. Eddie could only smile proudly at a) Buck feeling safe enough to be vulnerable around his son and b) Christopher having a heart of gold and the skills to provide comfort for his father friend because Eddie damn right knew that if he were 12 years old again and was stuck with a crying Adriana, he would stand there awkwardly and tell her to stop crying and making a mess - curse his father.

Buck's crying subsided after a while, leaving him completely drained and quietly hiccupping on the shoulder of a now-wide-awake Christopher Diaz. Buck gently lifted his head from Christopher's shoulder, hastily wiping away at his swollen eyes, smiling tenderly at the boy before placing a hand on his small shoulder.

"Hey Chris?”

"Yeah Buck?" Chris adorably tilted his head to the side and Buck had to ignore the way his heart squeezed at the cuteness that came with the Diaz genes.

"Thank you. I really needed a hug from my favourite Diaz," A smile bloomed on the child's face as he placed his hand on top of Buck's - which was still resting on his shoulder - and squeezed tightly.

“Always! Remember when you taught me about pinky promises and how we promised we’d never leave each other? Well…I don’t want to break that promise, so just know that I will always be here for you, Buck!” Christopher spoke with so much positivity that it brought tears to Eddie’s eyes, the man rapidly blinking them away and hastily wiping at his eyes lest he too become a tearful mess (not that Buck was a mess). Buck looked…in awe. His eyes quite literally sparkled, and Eddie watched as he lifted a hand to ruffle Christopher’s hair, thanking him for his kind words.

“Alright Chris, you should head back to bed. I’ll look after your Buck, alright?” Eddie spoke up and Christopher looked at him, nodding before walking back down the hall, to his room, and slowly shutting the door.

Eddie suddenly sighed, rubbing his face, and Buck instantly felt a shower of dread wash over him for what was to come.

“Eds, I’m sorry I-”

“Are you okay, Buck?”

The two spoke over each other, surprising the person opposite to them. They both quietly laughed, Eddie encouraging Buck to go first with a wave of his hand.

“I just…I’m sorry for losing it in front of Chris, I should’ve held it together-”

“Buck. Stop. Just stop. Did you really think I’d get mad at you for crying in front of Chris? What kind of person do you take me to be exactly?” Eddie smiled half-heartedly and Buck sheepishly ducked his head, hiding the embarrassment visible on his cheeks. “Anyways…I wanted to ask if you were okay? Crying that much can really drain you – trust me, I’d know,” Eddie said as he got visceral flashbacks to that time he took a bat to his room and destroyed everything, Buck having to bring him back to reality.

“I…honestly? I’m tired Eds. I’m really fucking tired. Can we just call it a night? I think I’ve done enough feeling and crying to last me a lifetime,” A small smile formed on Eddie’s lips as a chuckle escaped him, the man standing up as Buck too lifted himself up before making a noise of confusion when Eddie grabbed his hand and started dragging him to…his bedroom? “Um Eddie, respectfully, why are you taking me to your room when the couch is literally right there?” Buck did not want to get his hopes up. He will not get his hopes up. This kind of thing only happened in his dreams.

“Man, did you really think I’d let you sleep on the couch after the realization and night you’ve had?” Eddie spoke as quietly as he could whilst still being audible, mindful of the now-probably-sleeping-Christopher as he kept walking down the hallway and Buck only squeezed his hand in response, Eddie reciprocating with his own squeeze. They reached the bedroom and Buck took a moment to take the space in – he hadn’t been in here ever since he’d had to break the door down and check up on a sobbing Eddie who had wreaked havoc to his surroundings and belongings.

“Go wash up, I’ll be in here waiting,” Buck nodded, making his way to the bathroom attached to Eddie’s bedroom, reaching the sink and taking a good look at himself in the mirror for the first time since he’d arrived at the Diaz house. His eyes were red and puffy, visible eyebags apparent given the night prior – something had been keeping him up, but he hadn’t known what, perhaps it was his body warning him of the moment he’d shared with Eddie today. He washed his face, splashing cold water on the soft skin in hopes the puffiness would reside by the morning – especially given they had a shift and Buck would rather not be interrogated for his appearance. He was quick to return to Eddie’s room and had to stop dead in his tracks as a very shirtless Eddie stood by the dresser, folding T-shirts into it. He knew Eddie slept shirtless but holy shit - Buck could feel the crimson flourish on his porcelain face – like yes, they’d seen each other shirtless and even naked a bunch of times at work whilst in the locker room or showers but…Eddie was shirtless in his bedroom with Buck, and it was seriously giving the younger man all the wrong ideas. Buck coughed, gathering Eddie’s attention who turned around and instantly melted Buck’s heart with the smile that formed on his face. “Hey Buck.”

“Hey Eds.”

They stood there, awkwardly for a moment before Eddie moved towards his bed and Buck got the memo, standing on the opposite side to which Eddie stood (did Eddie have a particular side of the bed he slept on? As if he was waiting for someone else to fill the space beside him?). Eddie entered the bed, lying on his side and facing Buck who stood there stiffly, an amused look crossing the former’s face.

“Are you just going to stand there all night or are you going to enter the bed?” Right. Right. That’s what a bed was for. Sleeping. And maybe other things but Buck will not be focusing on those other things because that would be weird and filthy especially considering the intense crying session he’d just had. Buck slipped under the sheets, eyes already feeling heavy as the warmth enveloped him. Eddie tended to keep extra pillows on his bed on the rare occasion his son wanted to sleep with him and Christopher usually liked to sleep hugging one pillow. Now, Eddie thinks he knows where he got that from – Buck, who had grabbed the pillow, and facing Eddie, wrapped his strong arms around it and pulled it to his chest, nuzzling his face in it and Eddie couldn’t help the unbearably fond smile that pulled at his lips. He reached a hand out, threading his hand through the other’s blond locks to which the latter melted into the touch.

“Good night, Buck,” Eddie spoke softly.

“G’night ‘ddie,” Buck sleepily replied.

Morning came, the sun washing down on Buck’s figure as he groggily opened his eyes and could feel that familiar warmth from the pillow, further snuggling into it. Except…Buck could’ve sworn the pillow slightly moved, and pillows do not move. Buck attempted to look up, breath hitching as he realized the pillow was long forgotten and he was instead cuddling into Eddie’s chest. Buck stilled as he realized his arms were wrapped, and wrapped tight around Eddie’s waist, his head in the crook of the other’s neck. Suddenly, a hand swept through his hair and Buck forced himself to not lean into the touch.

“Morning, mi amor,” If Buck wasn’t in shock from earlier, then he sure as hell was now. Mi amor?? Mi amor??? Buck may not know fluent Spanish, but he’d been in Peru when bartending and around Eddie and Christopher long enough to know the basics. He wasn’t hallucinating. Eddie had just called him my love and acted like it was the most natural thing in the world whereas Buck was having a full-blown internal freak out.

“M-morning Eddie…” Buck stuttered out, feeling heat light up on his cheeks as Eddie snickered, utterly amused at Buck’s reaction. “You did that on purpose, didn’t you, you dickhead!” Buck flicked Eddie’s forehead, the other whining before the former untangled himself from his so called “best friend”, almost managing to fall out of the bed but catching himself last minute and standing up, crossing his arms across his chest.  

“At least give me a morning kiss Buck,” Eddie feigned annoyance as he called out, Buck rolling his eyes at his antics.

“We aren’t even dating, dumbass,” Buck glanced at Eddie, raising an eyebrow before he quite literally felt winded the next time the brunette opened his mouth.

“Mm, but we could be.” Eddie’s words were quiet, and he looked away, a blush forming on his cheeks that Buck found utterly adorable. Eddie laid there in the bed, Buck’s mouth hanging open as he processed just what Eddie had said.

“You…you want to date…me?” Buck found himself in Eddie’s space, the other having moved from the bed to stand in front of Buck. Eddie grasped his hands, thumbs rubbing circles into the skin of the other.

“Evan Buckley,” Buck’s breath got caught in the back of his throat at the use of his full name, “Of course I would want to date you. I have been head over heels in love with you since that day we took a live grenade round out of that man’s leg and I told you “you could have my back any day”. Buck…you’re an amazing human being, I find it so admirable at how you are such a strong yet gentle person, always putting others before yourself. And don’t even get me started on the way you treat Christopher. You…I can tell just how much you love him. You always look out for him, you don’t treat him like he’s helpless, you’re always willing to look after him whenever me and Carla are unable to and for that, I am forever indebted to you. Buck, you genuinely make me not regret leaving El Paso. You and Christopher are the reason I want to get out of bed every morning. Every time you send me a message or call me, even if it’s just to tell me good morning or good night, I can’t help the butterflies that flutter in my chest, just hearing your voice or seeing your messages are enough to put a smile on my face. And yes, I have been relentlessly teased for it by Hen and Chim. Evan, I love you to the core,” And suddenly Buck could feel tears welling up in his eyes, a quiet sob escaping him as Eddie wiped his tears away. It was happening. It was finally happening, and Buck didn’t know what to do with himself.

“To the core? Eds…you…” Buck whispered, and Eddie cupped his face, an enamoured expression on his face. To the core…that meant…Eddie loved every part of him. His happy, prideful moments, his ugly, dark moments, and everything in between, Eddie had said he loved all of it. No one had ever loved him that much, not even Maddie. “Kiss me. Please, just kiss me Eds,” Buck pleaded, the other searching his gaze as if trying to find any part of him that didn’t want this and when he found nothing, he gradually leaned forward, Buck filling in the space between them as their lips met. It was a soft brush, and yet fireworks still exploded within Buck as he felt electricity thrum through his veins (and wasn’t that ironic?), wrapping his arms around Eddie’s neck as he further pushed himself into the other man, if that were even possible. Eddie hummed contently, smiling into the kiss as the taste of Buck’s lips on his was nothing like he’d imagined. Just as the kiss was about to deepen into something more heated, a knock-on Eddie’s bedroom door had the two startling away from each other, both out of breath as Eddie was quick to answer to Christopher’s call. Eddie told him he’d be out in a minute before returning to Buck and hooking his arms around and quickly pecking him on the lips.

“Wow,” Buck was breathless, chest still heaving from their lowkey-make out session.

“Yeah. Wow,” Eddie spoke, a giant smile on his face as he came to the realization that Buck was now all his.

“Also. You’re an asshole you know?” Eddie quirked an eyebrow, prompting Buck to go on, “You can’t just say poetic shit like “I love you to the core” and expect me to not feel insanely bad for not being able to come up with something as creative as that.”

Eddie laughed, a bright sound filling the air.

“Don’t worry Buckley, I don’t need a confession from you, you’re already enough as it is,” Buck quietly gasped at his words. He knew Eddie meant it light-heartedly but hearing that…that he was enough? It was enough to make Buck want to wail from sheer joy.

“I’m…I’m enough for you, Eddie?” Buck meekly spoke, as if he was afraid Eddie would take his words back. Eddie, the wonderous being he was, smiled ever so softly, a hint of sadness glistening in his eyes as he had been made aware of Buck’s feelings as a child, and even now, as a fully grown adult long ago.

“Of course. You’re more than enough for me, Buck. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise,” the “anyone” in question were certainly, without a doubt, his parents, Buck was certain about it. Buck felt shivers run down his spine as Eddie lovingly kissed his birthmark – no one from his past relationships had ever done that, some had even gone out of their way to call it weird or ugly, which had definitely stung. But Eddie…Eddie kissed it, as if it was the most beautiful thing in the world. “Now come on, Chris is hungry, and I know damn well I don’t want to cook when you’re here,” Buck laughed for the first time since his breakdown last night and it filled Eddie with joy to see him smiling again.

“Wait, before we inevitably have to go to work, can we…can we put a label on what we are? Because I don’t think I can just go back to being best friends with you after that,” Eddie hummed thoughtfully, thinking it over for a moment before giving a suggestion.

“How about partners? I feel a bit too old to go with boyfriends. Besides, partner just has a nice ring to it, especially since that’s exactly what we’ve been for the past five years,” Buck’s eyes shone brightly before he eagerly nodded before quietly speaking up.

“Also um…can we not tell anyone just yet? I mean, I know with how tactile we are, they’re gonna figure it out eventually but I’d like to have you all to myself, even if it’s only for a day or two, or even just a few hours.”

“Of course Buck, anything for you,” Eddie quickly kissed Buck again, leaving the other in a daze. He still couldn’t believe they could just kiss like it was the most normal thing in the world.

“Dad! Hurry up! I don’t want to be late to school!” Christopher’s loud cry suddenly erupted in the air and Eddie looked at Buck, the both of them dissolving into a fit of giggles before they both went to respectively get changed and ready for work.

“Jeez, what took you so long- oh Buck? You’re still here? I thought you left!” Christopher was caught off guard, having woken up to no Buck on the couch or cooking in the kitchen. The 12-year-old sat at the table, kicking his feet as his father joined him at the table. Buck made his way to the stove, cracking eggs onto the pan as he stuttered out a response.

“Oh, um no, I actually…er…”

“Let me guess. You slept with dad?” Buck could feel the flush run down his cheeks and even onto his neck and ears.

“Yeah bud. Buck had a rough night, and I didn’t want to leave him on the couch where he was all by himself. Sometimes sleeping with another person can bring great comfort,” How the hell was Eddie so cool, calm, and collected by this?? Buck refused to turn around, focusing on the eggs that were frying on the pan, even going out of his way to dramatically flip them which earned him a dramatic sigh and eye roll from the sassy child.

“Did you two kiss? Is that why you took so long?” Christopher asked so bluntly that it had Eddie smiling tightly and Buck spluttering, coughing to cover it up as he forced himself to focus on the eggs and not the fuming embarrassment blazing within him. Unbeknownst to him, Christopher smiled brightly, happiness evident in his face. “You did! You totally did! I mean, it’s gross to think about, but you two finally kissed!” At that, Buck turned around with surprise etched into his features, having laid the eggs to cool down on the plate to which he bought out to the table with him, serving the two males.

“You mean…you’re okay with me and your father dating?” Christopher looked at him stupidly, as if the answer was obvious and Buck slightly shrunk into himself at the face he was on the receiving end of, Eddie’s laughter ringing in the background.

“Well duh! It’s obvious you two love each other, and you’re already part of our family, Buck,” The man who was addressed felt tears being brought to his eyes, again, and it was honestly embarrassing how many times he’d cried in the past day. He hastily wiped away at his eyes before smiling fondly at Christopher and ruffling his locks, the child complaining that he would “ruin his hair” but refusing to stop him regardless.

The small family finished eating up, Christopher double checking his bag for school before saying they could go, the two adults following him in stride to Buck’s jeep. Buck drove and made an effort to talk to Christopher about the upcoming school day, the somehow-extremely-energetic-for-eight-in-the-morning 12-year-old boisterously telling him his schedule and what exactly they’d be doing in each class, Buck constantly responding with “really?” or “that sounds cool!”.

They dropped Christopher at school, waving him off before driving to the station.

The two waltzed into the station, Buck feeling much happier than he had last night, especially considering how him and Eddie were now in a freaking relationship like he’d been wanting for years. The two brushed shoulders as they walked, fingers itching to touch but knowing if they did it’d be a dead giveaway as to what they were if anyone spotted them. They changed into their uniform, Buck whistling at Eddie’s figure which had the latter blushing furiously, telling him to “shut up” before throwing his t-shirt at the other’s head.

They headed up to the loft, Bobby, Chimney, and Hen already there waiting for them. Bobby was currently cooking breakfast, Chimney was on his phone, and Hen lowered her book to greet the two of them.

“Hey boys. How are…you?” Everyone missed the way Hen’s sentence slowed down towards the end, everyone except Buck who raised his brow at her, the woman whom he saw as his sister shaking her head, an obvious telltale sign that they would talk later about whatever was bothering her later.

Bobby was quick to serve them all breakfast, Buck rubbing his hands together like the idiot he was, Eddie rolling his eyes before playfully punching him in the shoulder, the former feigning a wounded noise and telling him he’d sue him for assault.

“Buck, we literally had breakfast before we left, how are you still hungry?” Eddie asked, an entertained grin on his face.

“Hey! Let a man eat in peace without shaming him, would you?” Buck retaliated and Chimney grinned mischievously, Bobby giving the bickering males a fond stare. Chimney nudged Hen in the side, whispering in her ear:

“Something’s definitely changed between those two.”

“Oh yeah, for sure. Do you think they’ll tell us that they finally did it?”

“Probably not today, I’d give it until next week.”

Chimney and Hen’s scheming was put to a short as the bell abruptly rang, all firefighters springing up and sprinting down to the trucks and ambulance. Buck sat beside Eddie, their knees occasionally knocking as Hen and Chimney sat on opposite ends, Bobby in the front seat of the engine. 

The call they arrived to was nothing major – just a cat stuck in a tree because of course they had to follow through with the cliches. Buck was in charge of getting the cat down, Eddie’s touches lingering as he checked on his harness to which Buck shot him a wink he thought no one noticed (Chimney very much noticed, oh how he will be telling Hen about this). Not even 20 minutes later and the ragdoll cat was down from the tree, now purring loudly in its owner’s arms who was crying at the reunion, Hen fondly shaking her head at the entire situation.

They’re back in the engine again, everyone silent, when Chimney chooses to strike.

“So Buckaroo…what was that wink you sent to Diaz earlier?” Hen’s mouth dropped, Bobby sighing out at the front whilst heat crawled up Buck’s face at being busted, Eddie blinking before processing the information and ducking his head out of embarrassment.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” Buck outright denied, turning his head to the side as if to avoid Chimney’s very entertained glance at him (that bastard was having way too much fun with this).

“Playing dumb, are we now? That’s not a very Buck thing to do now…” Chimney wiggled his finger, Hen rolling her eyes at her best friend’s antics. Buck groaned, slapping a hand over his face as his ears burned with mortification.

“Fine okay! I did wink at Eddie, so what? Aren’t friends allowed to wink at each other??” Eddie spluttered at a very specific word Buck used (friends), and Hen bore into his soul because of it, giving him a knowing look that very much said “you can run, but you can’t hide”.

“Mm yes, because you two are definitely ‘friends’,” Chimney doubted every word that left Buck’s mouth, air quoting with his hands before crossing his arms and sighing.

“Don’t worry you two, we’re just glad you finally sorted your shit out,” Hen reassuringly spoke, Bobby agreeing in the front.

“How did you even know??” Eddie prompted, raising his brow in curiosity at how they were discovered so quickly – not even two hours had passed before they were caught.

“Call it brother and sisterly instinct, would you?” Hen replied, chuckling when both Buck and Eddie groaned with feigned indignation.

“Whilst I’m happy for you two, you do know the amount of HR paperwork you’re going to have to fill out, right?” Bobby spoke up, fondly shaking his head as Buck and Eddie sighed simultaneously.

“Yeah, yeah. We got it Cap, we’ll fill it out when we get back to the station,” Eddie confirmed, Buck nodding along (as if he had any other choice).

Right as they were about to pull back into the station, they got another call from dispatch requiring them needed at a house fire. Turning the truck around, the 118 found themselves heading to a back-to-back emergency. Pulling up to the scene, the team could see that it wasn’t an extreme fire, however it wasn’t minor either – somewhere in the middle.

“Hen, Chim, you two head out on the east side! Buck, Eddie, you two west side! I’ll go to the back out towards the garden!” Bobby instructed, watching as his team paired up to check each other’s gear before sprinting into the burning building, all with the intent to rescue the home occupants and then put out the fire. Just as instructed, the pairs rushed into the building and no sooner than later, Buck came running out with a kid thrown over his shoulder, Eddie following short with a middle-aged woman in his bridal carry. It was only the mother and daughter who needed rescuing, so once they were out, the team were quick to battle the inferno, ensuring that every last flicker and flame went out. The fire was relentless for some very strange reason – taking hours to be put out which was slowly starting to wear everyone down. After everything had cooled down and facing countless thanks for saving them, the team slowly packed up and made their way back to the trucks.

As the engine made its way back to the station, the entire team were, unfortunately (from their point of view), witnesses to Buck and Eddie’s heart eyes directed at each other, their knees occasionally knocking and shoulders brushing every now and then. They both made various facial expressions, and whilst Hen understood the whole ‘telepathic communication with someone you’re extremely close to’, it still freaked her the hell out. As the truck parked within the station and the team hopped out, Hen immediately jumped at the chance to ambush Buck, dragging him by the arm to the bunk room and ignoring all his confused noises and protests, glad that Eddie wasn’t stopping her.

“Sit down. You and I need to talk,” Hen forced Buck to sit on what was coincidently Eddie’s bed (no, she did not mean for that to happen), the younger male complying with a confused look in his eyes.

“What’s up Hen? Are you erm…are you okay? You look pretty agitated,” Hen sighed and suddenly, Buck could feel a nagging worry build up in his gut, playing with his fingers anxiously as he waited for Hen to respond.

“Am I okay? I should be asking you that Buck. Don’t think that I don’t recognize the signs of an intense crying session the night prior,” Buck froze, a chill running down his spine as he felt the spotlight shine on him during what was probably a really inconvenient and bad moment. He gulped, hastily wiping his hands across his face before he sighed.

“I…I don’t want to talk about it. I’m fine now Hen, just….trust me?” Buck pleaded as Hen grabbed his hands, soothingly rubbing circles in the calloused skin.

“Okay. I get it. But…have you at least talked to someone about whatever triggered those emotions? Whilst I’m glad you’re not bottling up, unlike some people,” That part was definitely directed to Eddie who compartmentalized any and every feeling he felt (although in his defence, he was working on it with Frank!). “it’s still important to talk to someone about what you’re feeling. I really don’t want you doing anything stupid and reckless because you’re not feeling your best,” Hen outwardly expressed her concern, Buck tightening his hold on her hands and with a shuddering breath, he spoke.

“I…I um, talked about it with Eddie last night. More like he helped he realize something horrible happened to me like years ago and I hadn’t originally realized it and then when I did I kinda had a whole breakdown over it but then when I was going to go to sleep on the couch, Eddie prompted me to his bed and we slept together- not in that way! And then I er, I guess I felt a lot better in the morning?” Buck knew he was rambling now, but he couldn’t help it. It’d become a habit over the years whenever he felt the pressure of scrutinizing gazes on him. Hen just fondly sighed, taking her hands out of his to ruffle his golden curls before cupping his face and pressing a kiss to his forehead (somewhere deep inside, Buck hoped she’d have kissed his birthmark).

“Alright Buckaroo. Just…know that we’re here for you, yeah? We’re a family, okay?” Buck meekly nodded, refusing to let the tears cascade down his cheeks because that would just be absolutely mortifying and Bobby would most likely send him home and if there’s one thing you should know about Evan Buckley, it’s that he fucking loves his job and hates being sent home early.

Suddenly, the door to the bunk room slid open and Eddie poked his head in, taking note of the way Hen was cradling his partner’s face, an adoring smile crossing the veteran’s face.

“Hey. Are you two okay in here? You’ve been in here for a while now,” Hen couldn’t tell since Eddie was good at hiding it, but Buck spent enough time with him to be able to spot the way concern etched into his face. He smiled reassuringly at the older male, hoping that it would be enough to settle Eddie’s nerves – he’s had enough of feeling guilty for making Eddie feel anything corelated to negative emotions for at least six months.

“Oh yeah, we’re fine. Hen was just…” Buck’s sentence trailed off, Eddie glancing at him before Hen, the godsend she was, filled in his sentence. 

“I was just concerned about Buck’s wellbeing, don’t worry Eddie,” Eddie’s face filled with understanding, and he acknowledged Hen’s words with a nod before words left his throat once more.

“Well, I don’t mean to push you guys, like take however long you want, but the lasagna Bobby made for lunch is going to cool down eventually so…”

“Yeah okay, we were just finishing up here anyways,” Hen stated, waving Eddie off and both her and Buck watching as he gave one final firm nod before gently shutting the door, his footsteps fading to what was presumably the kitchen. As they were left alone once more, Hen abruptly pinched the cheeks of the man she saw as a younger brother, the latter, much to his humiliation, making a high pitch squealing noise.

“Listen Buck. What I’m trying to say is…you’re not alone, alright? So, if you ever need someone to talk to, you know I’m always a phone call or message away, hell, even a few meters away, yeah?” Buck took in a shuddering breath, nodding before suddenly pulling Hen into a fierce hug, the woman caught off guard for a moment before wrapping her arms around the younger man and hugging him tight, as if to let him know that he’d be alright. “Come on, lets head out now. The team is probably impatiently waiting for us,” Buck fondly rolled his eyes, knowing damn well that sentence applied to a certain jokester who just happened to be the fiancé of his sister.

As they took a seat at the table, Buck pointedly ignoring Bobby’s questioning glance at him and Hen for taking so long in the bunk room, Eddie’s knee brushed against Buck’s, the latter feeling a warmth bloom in his chest at the contact. As Chimney was eagerly serving himself a piece of lasagna, Eddie gently tapped Buck’s thigh three times, a silent question asking if he was okay, Buck reciprocating by tapping two times, signalling that he was fine and that he didn’t need to worry, which instantly untensed the stress in Eddie’s shoulders. Unbeknownst to them, Hen shot them a small smile as she noticed the visual difference in Eddie’s posture.

“So…you two. What was the catalyst to you two getting your head out your assess?” Chimney asked around a mouthful of lasagna, Bobby, like the dad he was, scolding him for talking with food in his mouth, Chimney rolling his eyes at the reprimanding. Without the team knowing, Eddie and Buck shared a moment of hesitation, and Buck sent a look to Eddie that stated “not now, just cover it up”, Eddie briefly nodding before responding.

“I guess last night the atmosphere between us felt different, the tension was ready to snap like a thread and before we knew it, we were making out. And yes, we talked things out about how neither of us wanted just the physical, but the emotional as well,” Eddie had a faint blush visible on his cheeks at the mere thought of his lips on Buck’s (it’s crazy how he can do that whenever he wants to).

Buck looked at everyone, secretly hoping they would approve of him and Eddie (there was this voice in the back of his head, a slither of doubt, saying that they wouldn’t like what they saw, but Buck refused to let it get to him), and needless to say, he was extremely relieved when he spotted Hen’s satisfied smile, Chimney clapping for them, and Bobby making his way over to Buck to ruffle his hair, stating that he was proud of him for getting this far (and if Buck wanted to cry, so what? That was between him and the deities above).

Shortly after they finished lunch and Hen and Chimney were busy playing some video game, Bobby called Buck and Eddie to his office to sort out the HR paperwork. As they sat down, Buck’s hand entangled with Eddie’s, Bobby smiling at the sight, as he spoke up.

“Now boys, whilst I am happy for you two, you are aware that you have to keep the PDA to a minimum whilst at work, yes?” Buck had the attitude to roll his eyes, Eddie letting go of him to punch him in the shoulder (mind you, that was the SECCOND time he’d done that today, seriously, what was he? An affectionate bully?). Bobby chuckled before his tone went serious again, “Seriously Buck, no stealing fire trucks to have sex with Eddie, alright?” Buck’s entire face shot red from embarrassment, Eddie cracking a smile as Bobby sighed.

“It happened twice cap! Twice!” Buck refuted, Bobby shaking his head as Eddie chuckled.

“Two times which was enough to leave a lasting impact I’ll have you know,” Buck loudly groaned with his face in his hands, sheer horror painted over his face at the reminder of his Buck 1.0 days.

Sooner or later, Bobby finally pulled out the paperwork, Buck gawking at just how much there was, Eddie going silent before sympathetically patting Buck on the back.

“Why is there so much paperwork entailing how I’m not allowed to kiss my partner at work?? Bobby, are you sure you have the right documents?” After replying with a “I’m sure Buck, you’re not the first firefighter under my command to have to fill these out”, Buck groaned, and loudly with that as well, clearly grabbing the attention of Hen and Chimney who were laughing to themselves at his realization about how much they needed to fill out.

After a gruelling 45 minutes of relentlessly filling out paper after paper and enduring what might as well be carpal tunnel, a very-adamant-on-complaining-Buck and much-too-calm Eddie got evicted from Bobby’s office, the older man telling them to enjoy their downtime whilst it lasted but “don’t have too much fun”, leaving Buck, once again, fuming in crimson as well as a victim to Hen and Chimney’s brutal assaults against how he got embarrassed so easily. 

It didn’t take long for the bell to ring, the sound blaring obnoxiously through the station as the firefighters sprinted to the trucks, jumping in and taking their seats.

“Alright. Dispatch says it’s a collision between two cars on the freeway and two of the victims are unconscious. One of them is conscious, however is pinned to their vehicle and cannot get out, so be prepared for that,” Bobby gives them the rundown of the situation, everyone affirming with a “yes cap!”. Whilst the call applied to their area, the journey to get there took longer than the average call and everyone found themselves talking to one another, Eddie and Buck bringing up future plans with Christopher, Hen and Chimney discussing how they could go on a double date with their respective partners sometime in the future, Bobby residing in the front and absorbing the comforting atmosphere of his team.

They soon arrived at the scene – an absolute mess with the front of one car smashed to oblivion and the other in no better condition. The road had been blocked off, only one lane available to the public as the first responders already at the scene worked on crowd control. The 118 hopped out of the engine, Bobby immediately assigning them to their pairs to which Buck and Eddie would work on the car with two passengers and Hen and Chimney would work on the car with only one passenger.

Buck and Eddie set to work at removing the door first, swift to take it off its hinges before Buck went to return the tool to the engine as Eddie checked over the unconscious patients. As he returned, Eddie was working on extracting the first victim from the vehicle, a middle-aged man with dark brown hair and a beard, eyes shut as his forehead bled with a nasty cut and his chest slowly rose and fell with each breath he took. Buck helped Eddie to remove the man, carrying him out and transporting him to the stretcher in which he was wheeled away. Then, Eddie got to work on the other patient, a middle-aged woman with brunette locks that fell just short past her shoulders.

As Buck returned to the scene to help Eddie out, his movements froze, breath being caught in his throat as he recognized that face all too well and suddenly he’s 24 years old again in that office with the cream walls and cream couch and he visibly recalls her wearing a black blouse with a white button up underneath, a tight pencil skirt covering her upper thighs (it hadn’t taken long for the entirety of her thighs to be exposed), and suddenly he feels a sick, twisted, churning feeling in his stomach. He stumbles backwards, ignoring Eddie’s confused noise when he wasn’t helping. Buck brought a hand to his mouth, as an attempt to stop the shuddered, panic breaths from escaping him as tears threatened to spill.

Suddenly, he made a mad dash to the back of the truck, leaving Eddie to treat the victim alone.

Eddie felt a nagging feeling in his gut telling him something was very wrong with Buck, but he couldn’t place his finger on what exactly had caused him to run away like that. Something in him also told him that there was something up with the woman he was treating but he just couldn’t figure out what it was. Of course, as much as he wanted to chase after the love of his life, he also couldn’t just abandon the victim here and leave her to die – that would be sure to get him fired. So, he quickly finished his rundown on the unconscious woman, helping the paramedics there to support her onto the stretcher before watching as they wheeled her away to the other ambulance that was there at the scene. Eddie wiped a hand across his forehead, grimacing at the heat of the Los Angeles sun before he went in pursuit of his beloved, before finally finding him…hyperventilating on the ground behind the truck with tears cascading down his face and silent sobs escaping him.

Immediately rushing over to his side, Eddie checked him over to make sure he wasn’t physically injured before begging him to breathe.

“Buck, baby, it’s okay, you’re okay. I need you to breathe for me, alright?” Eddie placed both his hands on Buck’s shoulders as he was down on his knees, hoping that the touch would be grounding enough to bring him back. As Buck’s rapid breathing began to slow down, Eddie dramatically inhaled, as a way of showing him how to breathe properly without kickstarting another panic attack. “There we go, just like that, you’re doing so well baby, keep going yeah? Good, good, keep going Evan, you’re almost there,” Eddie gently talked him through the attack, watching as Buck slowly calmed down, making a huffing sound as Buck suddenly fell into his chest, the former quick to envelop his arms around his partner and hold him tightly.

“I’m sorry Eddie…I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to abandon you like it’s just…” Eddie hummed, threading his hands through Buck’s probably sweaty hair, gently coaxing him to speak. “You…you remember last night, right? How…you know…” Buck trailed off and Eddie realized that what Buck had experienced was a flashback-induced panic attack which related to their conversation last night…wait. It couldn’t be what Eddie was thinking, right? He could feel the rage start to simmer but took a deep breath in, forcing it to stay at bay until Buck actually confirmed what had happened. “It…the woman…in the car…it was her Eds…it was-” Buck’s sentence was stopped as a sob escaped him and Eddie could’ve sworn he’d never felt such a blinding rage before, his hold on Buck tightening as he grit his teeth, a moment of regret washing over him for treating her (he’s not saying he should’ve left her to perish, he’s just saying that maybe someone else should’ve treated her. Okay maybe part of him did want her to perish, screw him for being protective over his best friend!)

“You’re alright Buck. She’s gone, she’s in the ambulance and on the way to the hospital, you won’t have to see her ever again, do you hear me? She can’t touch you, talk to you, do anything like that to you, not anymore, alright? From now on, you’re under my care and I swear if there’s anything I’ll do, it’s that I’ll protect you from the likeliness of her, hell I’ll even help you file a damn restraining order against her,” Eddie spoke powerfully, cherishing the way Buck clung to him like his life depended on it.

Suddenly, a soft, feminine voice spoke up and Eddie twisted his neck only to be greeted by the sight of Hen, who had just finished treating her patient and was currently checking in on them.

“Hey. Cap said you two disappeared all off a sudden and- what the hell happened to Buck?!” She exclaimed, running over to the two of them in which Buck’s head rested against Eddie’s shoulder, visible tear tracks down his face as his eyes were all puffy, quiet sobs leaving his throat as Eddie continued to card his fingers through his hair.

“Flashback-induced panic attack,” Eddie confirmed, Hen sucking in a breath as she too realized that this had to have related to the night prior but without any information on what it was, she couldn’t necessarily help. All she could do was sit by Buck’s side, rubbing a hand down his back in an effort to further settle him. “He’s calming down now, but he was in shambles before you arrived,” Eddie spoke quietly, heart wrenching for the suffering of the one he cherished most (alongside Christopher).

“Do you know what triggered it?” Eddie pursed his lips as Hen spoke, not wanting to breach his partner’s trust and privacy.

“It’s not my story to tell. Maybe he’ll tell you guys once he’s up for it,” Eddie responded, continuing to thread his fingers through Buck’s hair and scratching at the scalp. Hen suddenly radioed the team, letting them know that Buck was out of commission, Bobby responding with a “how come?” before Hen told them he was “mentally unfit to continue working”. Eddie could feel glances of other first responders: here they were, a man with his head on another man’s shoulder, the former with tears running down his face whilst the latter did his best to cheer him up, alongside a woman who did her best to soothe the distressed one’s anxieties. Eddie scared them off with a glare, watching with a satisfied glint in his eyes as they scattered away like pigeons.

Buck took in a shuddered breath, lifting himself from Eddie’s shoulder as he took off his gloves and briskly wiped away his tears, using the hold Eddie had on him to ground him to reality and to not get dragged back to flashbacks of that day. He weakly smiled at Hen and his significant other, both of which gave him concerned, but loving stares.

“How are you feeling, Buckaroo?” Hen gently asked, Buck sighing as he took his time to respond.

“Not great. I think I’m going to go hide away in the truck for a while until we’re done here,” Hen nodded, radioing Bobby to tell him that Buck and Eddie (because Eddie insisted it would be unsafe to leave him alone) would be residing in the truck until they finished cleaning up the incident. As Buck confided in Eddie in the truck, confessing to the sheer terror he felt when he saw her, Eddie attempting to calm him down, Hen returned to the scene, helping Chimney with the other patient to which he asked her where she went and she responded with a “had to check on our youngest”, Chimney nodding before they got back to work.

The team were quick to finish up soon after that and when they returned to the trucks, Hen had to stop Chimney from absolutely fainting at the sight that was Buck asleep in Eddie’s lap whilst Eddie played with his hair once again. Eddie gently stirred Buck awake, telling him he’d have to put his seatbelt on for the drive back. As Buck gradually woke up to the soft smiles of his family, he couldn’t help but feel slightly embarrassed, ducking his head as he sheepishly went to put his seatbelt in. Not wanting to bring up what happened until they got back, Chimney started talking about Jee-Yun and Maddie, knowing it’d bring a smile to Buck’s face, Eddie following suite by talking about his own son and how him and Jee-Yun should have a playdate soon, Hen butting in by asking if Denny could join, and even Bobby going the length to suggest all the 118 kids should have a playdate, everyone agreeing.

Once the truck returned to the station and everyone left to their respective areas, just as Eddie was about to follow them, Buck grabbed onto his sleeve, capturing his attention and having him turn his head to face his partner.

“I…Eds I want to tell them but…” Buck meekly spoke, his voice coming out in trembles at just the topic of that wretched woman. Eddie held his hand after having taken off his glove, rubbing the skin there as he sympathetically smiled at Buck.

“You’re scared right? Terrified even. You’re worried they’ll think less of you. But Buck, this is the 118, your family, you have to know that nothing you do will make them look down upon you. If anything, they’ll most likely just want to support you and be by your side and if they want to do anything of the opposite, well they’ll have to talk to me about it first,” Eddie reassuringly spoke, even going as far as defending Buck from the rest of the 118 because if there’s anyone he’d fight for it’d be, without a doubt, Evan Buckley. “Don’t worry cariño, I’ll be by your side the entire time if you do decide to tell them, okay? So that way, if it goes wrong, which I highly doubt it will, you’ll have me to turn to, yeah?” Buck nodded, allowing Eddie’s comforting words to sink in before he took in a deep breath before stating he was ready to face the team. Eddie nodded and the couple hopped out the truck, taking their turnouts off before steadily making their way up the stairs and garnering the attention of Bobby who was cleaning up dishes, as well as Chimney and Hen who had been conversing with one another. Hen had a grim expression on her face, knowing that the territory they were about to delve into would be dark, however dismissed Chimney’s concern when he noticed by stating “they’d find out soon”.

Buck and Eddie sat on the red couch, the latter’s knee pressing firmly into the former’s, as if to reassure him that he’d always be by his side, their hands laced as Buck forced his racing heart to calm down – this was his family, the people he’d die for, he could do this, he could confide in them another trauma like it was an average Tuesday.

“So…you guys remember my Buck 1.0 days?” Buck began, hearing Chimney’s groan and Bobby’s exasperated sigh, Hen fondly chuckling at what their youngest used to be like.

“It’d be hard to forget about Buck 1.0 considering you stole fire trucks to sleep with people,” Chimney retorted, earning himself an elbow from Hen to which he yelped and a mortified sigh from Buck who retaliated with a “it was just twice!”.

“Well okay yeah forgetting about that. Remember…” Suddenly Buck inhaled, and sharply so, the team realizing this with the knowing that things were about to get grim very quickly. “Okay so remember that time I had experienced my first loss? That kid, Devon…” Buck’s tone turned sombre at that – to this day he still remembered the sheer terror on Devon’s face as he refused to take Buck’s hand, it was just something he couldn’t let go of, and even worse knowing that his sister had blamed him for her brother’s death. Bobby grimly nodded as he recalled just how much Devon’s death had impacted the young firefighter, the smile wiped clean off Chimney’s face as he too recalled just how affected his soon-to-be-brother-in-law had been. “Cap recommended me to see the department therapist at the time and…listen the session was going well – well, as well as you could call a therapy session that featured tears and melancholy but anyways – you know, I felt like I was finally getting it out of my system, that grief and inescapable pain. But then…” And then Buck sharply inhaled, looking to Eddie who comfortingly squeezed his hand, his look telling him to brave on now that he was so close. “One minute I was baring my soul to…to Dr Wells…” Just saying her name had Buck’s breath hitching, tears brimming in his eyes as he recalled her phantom touches on his body. “And…and the next she was…she was straddling my lap,” Buck took note of the way Hen sharply inhaled, Bobby’s gaze hardening as Chimney grimaced. “And you know, for years I thought “that was fine” “nothing was wrong with sleeping with my therapist” until last night. Eddie…Eddie helped me realize that I…” Buck froze, terror washing over him as he hesitated really going through with this. Once he spoke the words, there was no going back. Eddie let go of his hand to rub his back, guiding him through breathing exercises to get him to calm down and when he was calm enough, Buck quietly continued. “It took ghastly flashbacks to the day but last night I realized…I never gave Dr Wells the consent to touch me…” The collective gasps of the team had Buck shrinking in on himself, forcing his eyes to stare at the floor and not the eyes of his family because he couldn’t bear to see the sheer disgust painted on their faces.

“Buck…honey…look at us, would you?” Hen’s voice called Buck back and he cautiously lifted his head, only to be taken aback at how devasted everyone looked, frowns present on all three faces as tears built in Hen’s eyes. Chimney’s lip wobbled, as if he wasn’t far behind and Bobby…god Bobby’s look crushed Buck: the man’s eyebrows were creased, his eyes shining with worry for his pseudo-son, and anything but a smile pulling at his lips. Hen came down to his level, placing a hand on his knee and rubbing soft circles into the skin there as Chimney sat next to him, gently forcing his head down onto his shoulder and whilst it was slightly uncomfortable, Buck didn’t want to move with the comfort his pseudo-brother was giving him. Don’t get Buck wrong – he adored the comfort he was getting – but the way Bobby just stood there…it unnerved him to say the least. However, one look at Eddie told him everything: that he would fight Bobby right then and there if he even thought about portraying a negative reaction.

“Buck,” The addressed male sat up from Chimney’s shoulder and sharply inhaled, quickly wiping at his eyes less he become a sobbing mess and forced himself to look up at his captain who had a grim expression on his face. “Listen to me kid. You have to know…that none of that was your fault, alright?” Buck’s eyes widened as he was taken aback for a split moment, Bobby’s words swarming his head before he realized the older man wasn’t scolding him, bur rather, trying to comfort him. Suddenly, a sob broke free from its confinement and Buck found himself hastily standing up before going to tackle his captain in a fierce hug, the other freezing for a split second before reciprocating the action, strong arms enveloping him as Buck sobbed in his chest. The team watched on, Eddie wishing it were him Buck was hugging but also understanding the importance of Bobby supporting him in such a grave situation.

Suddenly, Buck found himself messily apologizing over, and over, and over again, saying how he was sorry he let her touch him, how he was sorry he never said no, how he was sorry that he even entered the office in the first place, and the worst one that was a sucker punch to everyone’s guts, that was sorry he let that kid die and that it should’ve never affected him in the first place.  

“Hey, hey. None of that kid. I don’t want to hear you apologizing for something that wasn’t your fault, alright? She was your therapist; someone you were supposed to feel safe with and unravel all the hurt you’ve experienced. And you were her patient, scared and confused, and all you wanted was help. She was the one in power and who had control, she should’ve never taken advantage of your vulnerable state like that. Do you understand what I’m saying?” Bobby gently pushed Buck off his chest to make the younger look him in the eye, the latter weakly nodding as he hiccupped with each sob that left him.

“I just…I should’ve known it was wrong. I don’t know why I didn’t say no, I mean, who does that??” Buck stumbled backwards to the couch, dropping himself on it before burying his head in his hands, feeling Eddie pull him in.

“Buck, hey. You couldn’t have known that what that monster did was wrong. You were feeling fragile that day, like shattered glass, and you were hoping she would be able to pick up the pieces for you and glue you back together when really, she did the fucking opposite and only added to your pile of trauma. You can’t blame yourself man, that’s just unfair to you,” Chimney gently spoke, taking Buck’s hand in his own and squeezing it tightly, his way of saying “I am, and always will be here for you, little brother.” Buck looked up at the team, taking in their sympathetic smiles before he ultimately burst into tears, taking everyone but Eddie aback to which they rushed to his side, attempting to console him.

It took some time, but eventually, much to everyone’s relief, Buck’s cries subsided, and he was left a drained mess, leaning heavily onto Eddie for support. Bobby purposely coughed then, garnering everyone’s attention.

“Listen, I know you hate it whenever I do this,” Buck sighed: he knew what was coming. “But I seriously think you should go home Buck. Maybe take a nap or something because I can tell today has been absolutely exhausting for you. And whilst you’re at it, take Eddie with you. I’d rather you not be alone at the moment. Is that okay with you?” Bobby asked, as if he would let Buck stay even if he said no. Buck nodded, going to stand up and taking Eddie with him, silent as the Diaz bid everyone quiet farewells, saying he’d be sure to look after Buck.

As they undressed in the locker room, Buck slipping on his civilian t-shirt and Eddie buttoning his denim, the latter spoke up, suggesting they have a lazy day since they still had the whole afternoon. He even offered to let Carla have the rest of the day off since they were supposed to have a 12 hour shift, and instead, they go to pick up Christopher from school. Buck nodded, complying to whatever Eddie said.

His body felt numb and drained to the core. Like it had been completely sapped of energy and all he wanted to do was lie down in bed, shut his eyes, and never wake up again. He turned to Eddie, not even bothering to plaster a smile on his face as it would further exhaust him, before watching as Eddie slowly inched closer before swallowing him in a strong yet brief hug before intertwining their fingers together and leading him to his car, stating that Buck was in no state to drive.

The two picked Christopher up from school, the preteen ecstatic that it was the people whom he loved most that were the ones to come pick him up. Christopher chattered amiably during the length of the whole care ride, a fatigued Buck using it as background noise to soothe his aching mind and heart, Eddie driving with one hand as he had his other in Buck’s, his touch warming Buck’s shattered soul.

As they returned home (home had a nice ring to it. Home was where the people he loved most were), Eddie told Christopher to first and foremost, complete his homework before going off to play games, the child grumbling under his breath before begrudgingly responding with a “yes dad” as he dragged himself to his room. Eddie gently manoeuvred Buck to his room, not even complaining as Buck instantly fell into the bed instead of going to take a shower. He’d allow it – he’d rather have dirty bedsheets than an unsatisfied and tired significant other. Eddie himself however took a quick shower, figuring if Buck wanted to cuddle with him, he wouldn’t want to be inhaling the scent of the job on him. As he returned, he found Buck tightly clutching the pillow he had been holding onto last night, an enamoured smile stretching across Eddie’s face before he joined his partner in the bed and gently coaxed him into his chest, tucking Buck’s head under his chin as he wrapped his arms around the other’s back.

“You know…I’m really proud of you today, Evan. You were brave by confining in the team as to what happened, and I know how frightening it must’ve been to come clean about all of that,” Eddie gently spoke, rubbing comforting circles into Buck’s back to which the other male further sank into his embrace, trying to absorb as much of his partner’s warmth as he could. Buck was slow, but eventually, and tiredly so, responded:

“Yeah it was…it was fucking petrifying. I almost backed out last minute by playing it off with some stupid joke but then I saw how you looked at me and I just knew I had to get this over with, regardless of the team’s reactions. And you know, I’m really glad they were by my side. I was scared I was about to be shunned out and have to experience a lawsuit arc 2.0,” Eddie sighed, as he recalled just how horribly Buck had been treated during that damned lawsuit all those years ago. Taking his focus away from the lawsuit, Eddie kissed the crown of Buck’s head, revelling in the way soft pink dusted his ears at the affectionate action. As Buck yawned, Eddie softly chuckled.

“I think you should rest now, love. I’ll be here when you wake up, yeah?” Buck sleepily responded with a “yeah” before allowing himself to whisk away to what Eddie hoped was a peaceful and not traumatic dream.

As Buck drifted away, he had one small thought circling his mind before he ultimately succumbed to sleep.

Maybe everything would be okay if he had his family by his side.