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If I have 9 lives, I can spend my last one with you

Chapter 39

Notes:

Merry Christmas everybody!!! I hope you'll have lot of fun today and if you don't celebrate or are alone (like me) I just hope you can still have a peaceful day doing stuff you like.
Know that no matter what, you are loved, cared and you matter!!!
also TW: forthis chapter that has self-harm or at least implied self-harm not sure how to say exacty and sensitive subject

Chapter Text

Saying that the day had been exhausting would be an euphemism.

Sunday didn’t felt exhausted, worn or whatever else. He felt drained. Purely drained. As if his energy had been sucked out to its last droplet.

All he wanted to do was crashing in a good and soft bed and perhaps take a shower before that. Or perhaps a bath? Wouldn’t it be perfect with a bit of classical music in the background? Maybe a bit of reading? Or an emission that wasn’t too mind-consuming. He loved some crime TV shows but soe of them asked him to think too much. He wanted something easy.

Sadly… at the instant the car parked in the alley, Sunday knew none of this would be offered to him.

“Are you ready?”

Gallagher’s voice rose from his side when the door’s car was opened to him. His bodyguard even had the nerve to hold out his hand to him. Sunday sighed and laid his in the bigger one, letting him pull him out of the car. Maybe he did need this impulse.

Although he was the one who make the choice, Sunday felt like entering the dependency would be like pressing the switch of the wrecking ball meant to destroy his golden cage. It was meant to be a good thing but he couldn’t shake away the fear and anxiety. The thoughts weren’t whispering in his head but yelling. And the intrusive thoughts made him feel like he would throw up in a second. It was even worse that, at noon, he set fire to a paint. Something he believed he would never have done, thinking he had control over his thoughts but now… now, he knew he was slave of them and he feared them even more.

What if he couldn’t stop them anymore?

What if the need to hurt himself or, worse, Gallagher would come back again? Because he saw himself trying to get rid of the disgusting feeling of joy that he feared by getting rid of him. He knew how to do. This was linked with another thoughts. Words he had thought so often and didn’t believe he would ever utter and, yet, one day, he came to see Aventurine and asked him to kill his father.

He knew how Aventurine did.

Could he imitate him?

Could his thoughts take over his control and led him to this?

He wanted them to disappear. He wanted them to be quiet. He didn’t want to keep hearing them.

Sunday didn’t even know how he ended up in front of the dependency. Gallagher probably led him there. Gallagher was already the one who opened the door for him. Perhaps he had deeper clues on his turmoil because he entered the little house but didn’t force him to come. Yet, once again, he held out his hand to him.

Holding out his hand, Sunday accepted this help and let himself tug gently inside.

It wasn’t the first time Sunday came here–and as Gallagher himself said, they even had sexual intercourse here–but it surely felt different.

The door led to a big and main room where were spreading a big four place couch and two assorted armchairs placed strategically in front of a TV. Shelves were spreading a bit everywhere, carrying the weight of many years of knowledge and literature. The kitchen could be noticed from behind the couches and a delicious smell was spreading from there.

As if he came for ab inspection, the three staff-member that were living here, to the exception of Gallagher, were standing still. Almost straightened like one would do in front of a military officer.

Wasn’t it comical that one was a young kid, another was an adult and the last one was an elderly?

Sunday felt a chill along his spine. It was almost as if he was forced to assess his darkest intrusive thoughts.

It was evident that Misha had been partially raised up by Gallagher because he appeared like a happy puppy in front of the implication of Sunday’s presence. A new roommate!

Although Micah and Grace were a bit less overjoyed.

Having their employer at home, knowing how strict he was and how he couldn’t handle mess… this didn’t sound so good. Under Gallagher’s request, they spend the afternoon to tidy everything, going way further than what they ever did over their life. Not a single dust bunny was allowed to survive.

“Gallagher must have shared you the depth of the situation,” Sunday said, “as I left the master home in order to change it into apartment, I still need somewhere to live. Here. But this is still your home. In no way I want you to feel forced away from your habits. I know it’s easier said than done but pretend I’m not here.”

“Gallagher told us,” Grace said, “and we understand this is your home. You accepted us freely and always provided us with food. None of us would have been able to live a peaceful life without stress if it weren’t for you. We are grateful, Sir Sunday.”

“This is specifically because I want to keep providing you this life that I’m here. If I hadn’t taken those dispositions, I’m afraid I would have to show you the door in the two incoming years. I will ask the cleaning staff and cooking staff to come work here. I will, obviously, ask for bigger meal so all of you can have it. Since you will be eating here, do not hesitate to share what you wish to eat too. We’d have to take this in account. But I suppose Gallagher will be the one dealing with it?”

Gallagher nodded. “I will come up with something quickly. We might need to buy a bigger fridge, however, to be sure to have enough room for all of us. But this is a detail I will ponder about tomorrow. Let me show you your room.”

“Thank you,” Sunday said.

Truly grateful.

He was worn off.

He was afraid of the thoughts mushrooming in his brain… including telling them that this was his house and if he disliked one food he would not bother doing it for them.

Why would he even say this?

He didn’t truly believe so.

He might be a bit annoyed to have to adapt but would never be vitriolic enough to be this mean to them.

Sunday truly wished for them to stay here and be cared for.

He simply needed to rest. Retreat away from people that might be hurt by his thoughts.

So, Sunday followed Gallagher. It wasn’t difficult to reach for his room as it was directly on the corridor in the right when entering the home. They had to walk barely a few steps. It surely felt different from that at home… at his ancient home where every room change appeared like a whole expedition.

The room was also so close from the door as Gallagher was expected to be able to reach his employer as fast as possible. It also provided him the biggest room and the separated bathroom. Which wasn’t much more because he deserved it, but because it wasn’t rare for him to come back past Midnight or to have to leave before dawn.

Upon walking through the arch dividing the corridor from the room, Sunday was surprised.

He already came here and knew what mess it was with the bed almost always bending under documents and pages while the tiny desk on the side–more like a gueridon–was also covered with them. Here, all was tidy. The pages were in nice stacks in the desk, books spreading against the wall. Every dirty clothes were throw away in the laundry room and what was clean was nicely sorted in cupboard and chest of drawers. Many room had even been made for Sunday’s clothes that were now fitting next to Gallagher’s. The suitcases were hidden under the bed or over the furniture, covered with nice decoration so it wouldn’t look odd, and the bed was perfectly arranged. It almost appeared like it was brand new.

“Impressing,” Sunday whispered.

“I wanted you to feel at home,” Gallagher said, nervously playing with his lighter.

“You’re doing good,” the Halovian praised.

“Thank you. There is more room to make an office here if you need it and don’t wanna merge with the others upstairs. But we cleaned that office as well. The bathroom is here,” Gallagher pursued showing the door next to the entrance.

It was more another arch, in a tiny corridor like that they had to cross to come in. A brand new curtain had been hung there and artistically tied. It was probably to create a makeshift door since there was none. Gallagher used to not care but Sunday might want his intimacy.

“I know where it is,” Sunday answered. He closed his eyes. He was so blunt. Why? “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“How is the soundproofing here?” Sunday asked.

“That’s now you’re asking it? Not bad but not good.”

“Hm…” Sunday said, pacing in the room.

“Do you want me to pour you a bath or something?”

The Halovian simply shook his head. He walked towards him and grabbed at his neck to make him lower to him, to his lips. Gallagher smirked. So what was the question earlier a beg for something spicier? The bodyguard wasn’t against the gesture and he leaned in to savour the lips.

Savouring… it surely was something that Sunday wanted. His brain was so confused that it told him ‘what if you’d bit him to blood?’ It also wondered when he would bring his demise to Gallagher. What if Misha, Micah and Grace would hate Gallagher because it was obvious he was privileged as he was the one making their boss moan. What if he was a poison to him?

He should push him away.

He shouldn’t dwell in this relationship.

He should push him.

He should shove him away.

“I’m not sure I can pursue this…” Sunday said under his breath.

“It’s alright. We can kiss later. Settle yourself in.”

“You and me,” the Halovian countered. “This cannot work.”

“What is happening?” Gallagher didn’t appear annoyed, nor angry. Rather… concerned. And this itch was certified when the big hands lifted lightly his face. “What is your mind telling you?”

“That I’m too bad for you. I’m probably too bad for anyone,” he added, closing his eyes.

“Today has been harsh and you couldn’t rely on your compulsions to feel better, right?”

Sunday nodded.

“You should probably rest and not act on any of those. If you truly do not want me in your life anymore, I will never force you otherwise. I can even go sleep in the couch…”

“No,” Sunday said.

His head was still filled with words and images. Some should have been agreeable but when he allowed himself to think more than one second about Gallagher throwing him in the bed and fucking him, he could see the blood draw, spread over the mattress. He could see his own hands close around the throat and squeeze.

Squeeze.

Squeeze…

Sometimes, Sunday thought that his father beating him up wasn’t a bad thing. He tried to shut his bad thoughts and he surely preferred that the harm was done to himself than to anyone else.

Sunday tugged on Gallagher’s tie, undoing it. He wrapped it around his wrists, using his teeth to help making a knot. If his hands were tied, he couldn’t hurt him. His brain shout him to push his bodyguard away. But what if it was because his brain wanted him to stay miserable forever? Because it knew that Gallagher was the antidote to the poison streaming through his veins.

“What was that you said earlier?” Sunday mumbled. “Ah, yes.” He looked up at Gallagher. ‘fuck me deep and fill me up nicely, Gallagher.’”

Gallagher could only gulp. Desire grew inside of him and he reached for the bound hands to look at the knot and make sure it wouldn’t hurt him too much.

“Is there any word we should use if we cannot take it anymore?” Gallagher gently asked.

“Uh? Ah… I don’t know. Is there a word you’d enjoy?”

“What about…” The man cupped his face. “Zippo?”

“Isn’t one kind of lighter?” Sunday wondered. “Even when fucking me, you’d want to fidget?”

“I don’t know, even when being fucking by me, you’d let those thoughts win over you.” Gallagher pressed a kiss on his temple. “Just tell me how to make them stop, and I’ll do it.”

“Just fuck me harsh and rough,” Sunday said.

But he wondered, after his discussion with Aventurine… was it what he wanted or what his brain shouted to him? He remembered not being cruel when he was in Aventurine, dominant, surely, but not cruel. Because he didn’t want to hurt him, and when the thoughts of taking him too harshly took over him, he forced them to silence.

As much as he could.

But now…

Now, his bound arms were locked behind his nape for he feared to hurt Gallagher, but the feeling of him, all naked, should have been the only thing in his brain. Yet, his moans weren’t only filled with desire. It hurt. It hurt so bad. He felt like Gallagher would rip him open and his nails could only dig in the broad back. And he hated himself for that. For hurting him while Gallagher manhandled him, his legs now resting over the wide shoulders, coming so deep, and breaking more of his flesh for he asked it rough.

For he didn’t believe he deserved to whisper ‘Zippo’ and have a tender lovemaking instead.

He loathed himself for barely scratching the man’s skin, while blood was dripping on the clear plaid spread over the bed. Tears were rolling down his cheeks.

It hurt.

But he deserved it.

He deserved this pain.

And… he wanted to be so close from Gallagher., have his face in his neck, being surrounded by his smell of fire and alcohol; his hair tickling him. He wanted that… and his brain convinced him that to have those arms around him, those hands on him, he had to suffer through this turmoil.

And when…

When he felt hot explosion inside of him, his brain making him picture the mess over the plaid, inside of him, and he shivered of disgust, he knew it was all he deserved.

What did he seek in this relationship? The love he craved or another punishment…?

 

🗿🦚🐈🧪

 

“What if I was still sick and I had to stay at home with you?”

A hand cupped Ratio’s cheek, still peppered with the matinal stubble, and brought him closer, leading him to the smiling lips that peppered kisses on them.

“Doctor Ratio…” the voice sighed with a joyful tone. “What happened to you for wanting to skip work?”

“You.”

“Oh, guilt-tripping me?”

Ratio pulled away but only to laid his head on the chest. Aventurine couldn’t help a little wince as his breasts were quite sensitive in the morning, begging to be emptied of the white gold they produced, and the little harsh hairs surely didn’t help. Yet, he reached for his fluffy hair and tenderly caressed them.

The strong arms circled the waist and for an instant, Ratio truly believed he would fell back asleep. It was so good to be with him. He often had the little cat sleeping snuggled against him so he rarely enjoyed such enticing position.

“Absolutely not, my love. And I definitely will go to work. I will simply complaint about not being here with you while I would be at it.”

Aventurine chuckled, caressing the fluffy mane furthermore.

“I can imagine it. ‘Oh doctor, I am having a headache this morning’,” he said, making voice. “And you’ll be here ‘who cares? I’m not with my wife and that’s the real headache!’”

Ratio smiled and pressed a kiss on his soft skin.

“I surely won’t say it but I will think it.”

“Do you regret your dream? Or me?”

This looked like fishing for compliments but Ratio was delighted to take the bait. He guessed his beloved might be worried when asking this question. And even if it was of one unique percentage, of worries, he was glad to reassure him.

“I would never regret you. Nor my dream, of course. But surely not you. I wonder how would I have gone through days without you to wait for me at home… Just the thought of you waiting for me is helping me.”

“Ratio…” Aventurine whispered, blushing.

“Aventurine,” he answered, tenderly kissing his heart.

Aventurine savoured the gesture and couldn’t help a tiny happy sigh. And his whole body was visibly vibrating under his purrs. It felt a bit weirder to snuggle against him this way, but Ratio was in love with this unique sensation.

And the displayer of said unique sensation.

“When we met, you said you were often working at public dispensary… do you still do it?”

“I have little time for me now. From the moment you entered my life, I had a reason to come back home on weekends. Less library, less dispensary and less musculation,” Ratio said, “but… I used to believe I had to do something of every second I had or it would be a waste of my time and purpose in life. I still caress the dream of working in a dispensary, or to help people. However, I know I must rest to care for my family. And I still need to work on the Avgins.” Ratio pulled away lightly so he could look at him. “I might need to ask a bit of your blood, to be honest. I’m still feeling a bit sick. Dawn caught what I had; and you who spent your time with me and…” Ratio blushed. “… did this with me, you never fell sick. I wonder if there is something in your blood for this?”

“Dawn is half-Avgin,” Aventurine said under his breath, pondering.

“Yes. Her human blood must put herself more at risk of Human disease. I know cats are less likely to get the same illness as Human, rather having their own variant. I don’t know how much of cat your own blood has in common. Have you ever been sick over your life?”

“It happened, of course,” Aventurine answered, “but it was more often malnutrition, tiredness, stomach bug… or probably sexual stuff.”

“I understand. And I’m sorry you went through it.”

“It’s alright.” Aventurine caressed his cheek. “It’s in the past and now, thanks to you, I’m looking forwards the future. Our future.”

Ratio leaned in to tenderly kiss his lips.

“I’m looking forwards it too, but I also enjoy to relish in our present for every second with you is exceptional.”

Aventurine blushed and laughed. “Stop being so cute and poetry or I’ll have to make you blush even more!” He pushed him away, nicely. “You should go prepare yourself and I’ll do the breakfast!”

“I believed I was the one in charge,” Ratio protested.

“Would it throw you off? I thought it would give you more time to prepare yourself, and avoid making you arrive at work even later.”

Ratio couldn’t help but slightly sigh. “I suppose my wife is, once again, the smartest and you are right. But I would have loved to take care of you like this. We’ll end up with you making the two meals… and you already took such a good care of me while sick…”

“It’s only natural,” Aventurine countered. “but it just means you would have to pamper me in another way. Beside…” He pressed his finger on Ratio’s nose. “Your already took such good care of me when you were sick with your huge…” Aventurine laughed when Ratio bolted out of the bed, mumbling about how he should go prepare himself, all red. “…hugs!” he shouted. “With your huge hugs!”

“Of course,” Ratio said, still red. “You are such a demon. A chance for you to be so cute and pretty.”

Aventurine chuckled. “A chance for me!”

Humming, Aventurine got up and grabbed the monitor so he could go to the kitchen to prepare their breakfast. Like so many days, he wasn’t wearing much but an oversized shirt that belonged to Ratio and some panties. It was cold and he did put on something else: high socks. But it was to wonder if he really did want to heat himself up or be even more seducing.

Especially after having taken a picture and flashed his new piercing that was nicely peaking from the shirt barely closed.

He kept humming, preparing some scrambled eggs and sliding some bread in the toaster. He prepared some hot cocoa for himself in the microwave but made the percolator work for Ratio’s coffee.

He was sliding some eggs next to two toasts in a plate when he felt arms around his waist and kisses over his throat.

Aventurine wondered if he would be more anguished of this unexpected display of love if he wasn’t an Avgin, able to ear what a normal Human couldn’t, or smell Ratio’s perfume grow closer. Or if he wasn’t used to be an object for anyone’s desire… but it surely was a delight when it came from Ratio.

“It’s your breakfast you should eat, no me,” Aventurine chuckled.

“What a shame, you look delicious. Thank you, dear gambler. This also looks delicious.” Aventurine quickly prepared his own plate and they sat by the kitchen island, sharing their breakfast. “What are you planning to do today?”

“I will try avoid the workers to ogle me, get pretty for my husband and… honestly, Topaz learned about my meeting with Sunday and got jealous. With big quotations marks. So she will come by today with Numby and we will probably go do a big walk with Dawn.”

“This sound like a great plan,” Ratio said. “I hope you will have fun.”

“I hope too. We’ll take pictures probably and I might send you some.” Aventurine sipped his hot cocoa and winked at him. “If you’re nice, I might send you private pictures.”

Ratio blushed. “Anything will do.”

Aventurine laughed and pressed a kiss on his cheek. “And could I have one pic too?” he purred.

“You want a picture of me?”

“Why not?”

“You want a picture of me… dressed?” Ratio asked slowly.

Aventurine laughed again and pressed his head on his shoulder.

“Yes. I’m not trying to whore you up. I just miss you when you are away…”

Ratio pressed a kiss on his head and one more on the cat ear.

“I miss you too.”

 

🍷🪽

 

Back in the early days, Gallagher hadn’t much things to do except being here around Gopher Wood Oak to protect him. He wasn’t his butler. The man had manager of his own and he surely wouldn’t trust a teenager from the streets, which he baited with food and place to sleep. He surely wouldn’t trust a teenager that seemed to prefer his waste of a son, by time. How did he become a butler for Sunday? Probably the same way he became his sex toy.

… Partner?

Sunday needed someone. Sunday didn’t trust anyone.

Ultimately, he turned himself towards the only one that always had been there for him. Especially since, at first, he kept lot of his father’s staff; changing them over time and need.

And here was how Gallagher lost all his sleep hours. He would take nap here and there when he could but he was mostly tired.

In the bed, Gallagher, forced himself to reach for the alarm clock and turned it off. He passed his hand in his hair and, with the light of his phone to check on today’s planning, he noticed the way Sunday’s wings were holding. When sleeping, his wings tended to be fluffier, in a different position.

He also noticed the actual distance there was between them both… if the bed had been as big as the one they had in Sunday’s room, he would have been way farer.

Gallagher turned in the bed to spoon him. Gently. Cautiously. Making sure that he wouldn’t disturb his employer.

Partner?

“Five more minutes, boss?” Gallagher asked with a childish tone.

“If you want to fuck me, go ahead,” Sunday answered without opening his eyes.

“Eh? I don’t want to.” He slithered his fingers in the grey strands. “I’d love to sleep more, and enjoy time with you.”

Sunday only answered with a vague groan.

Gallagher frowned.

He remembered a few times where he had come in Sunday’s back and made tender love to him–which were actually his favourite way although there was something erotic in going rough in him–but was it the only thing they cared about? Was he truly a sex toy to Sunday? Gallagher doubted it. But he also started to doubt about more things. The more Sunday opened his heart to him, the more he seemed to focus his attention on sex.

Or was it only Gallagher’s imagination?

After that time he roughed him up until Sunday recognized he did wish for tenderness sometimes; after that time Sunday confessed he didn’t want to have sex but simply to be hugged; after that one time, yesterday, where he said he would take him raw in order to hide his distress…

And yesterday… He didn’t remember how often he had taken Sunday. Every time he started to feel tired, Sunday begged for more. Until Gallagher fell asleep with Sunday straddling him.

They didn’t wear condom once.

Did Sunday overcame his fear of doing a mess or…

In the dim light from his phone, Gallagher started to notice weird spots. He pulled away from Sunday who tugged the sheets over his head. He shivered. He didn’t know what time it was but he didn’t want to leave the bed.

“Can you bring one more blanket?” Sunday whispered. “I’m cold.”

Gallagher didn’t answer, switching on the light.

This time, Sunday growled. He went into a more foetal position.

“I will not get up,” he said. “I want to sleep more…”

Those strains on the plaid weren’t a mess of semen that would make Sunday’s stomach twist. It was blood and it was Gallagher’s stomach that twisted!

“Sunday!” Gallagher called.

“Five more minutes…”

There was no joke in Sunday’s voice although he said exactly the same thing as Gallagher.

The bodyguard grabbed at the blankets and threw them away. He couldn’t help a little look over his own groin to see that there was blood over his love-organ. And he shivered even more. He reached for his employer and when he turned him a bit to see the extend of the damage, Sunday docilely moved on his belly.

“Go on,” he mumbled, “but let me sleep.”

“Sunday… you are covered with blood.”

“Yeah,” he answered, without a second of doubt.

Gallagher froze. Sunday knew. Sunday was aware of how hurtful it was. How much blood it was dragging. Gallagher wasn’t an idiot. He knew they were going rough. But he believed it was because it was what helped him the most with the yelling thoughts in his brain. And now that he saw the state of the blankets, the dry blood all over his cheeks…

“Are you using my dick as a way to self-harm?” Gallagher asked.

Sunday looked away, trying to reach for the blankets and bring them over him. He really wanted to sleep.

But Gallagher started to spiral and was now worried that Sunday was so cold because he had lost too much blood! And… certainly not because they were in winter. But Gallagher was too worried to even think normally.

Instead, he grabbed at Sunday, forced him on the other side and brought him closer, his hand on the shoulder. Shivering.

“Answer me!”

“It’s not that,” Sunday said. “I just… wanted to sleep on you. With you arms around me.”

“I don’t get it,” Gallagher said.

Sunday looked up at him. Gallagher felt a chill along his spine because the beautiful golden eyes appeared… lifeless. The Halovian moved his arms around Gallagher, came closer, wrapped his thighs around Gallagher’s hips. The bodyguard was about to protest although his arm came around his waist to secure him, but what came out of his lips was a cold laugh.

“That’s it?”

Sunday nodded.

Gallagher passed his hand over his face.

“I told you I wasn’t good for you,” Sunday said.

“You are an idiot!” Gallagher shouted. “Was it so hard to ask me?”

Sunday nodded again. Tears were in his eyes and he didn’t even feel the strength to hide them with his wings. He was exhausted. Physically and mentally. He felt horrible to show his weakness this way in front of him but he hadn’t the strength to even hold back his tears anymore.

“Was it so hard to ask me?” Gallagher repeated. But in despair. As if he realized it… “I thought we talked about it.”

Sunday nodded. “You made me realize what I wanted. Needed? Whatever… and you were right. I want more than violence. But it’s all I deserve.”

“It’s not,” Gallagher protested. “Why…” He sighed. “If you had dared to tell me, to ask me…”

“I told you I wasn’t good for you. Look at you.” Sunday cupped the harsh face. He couldn’t help but a laugh. Cold. Sad. Despaired. Gallagher appeared so broken. “Look at you, Gallagher. You are looking first-hand at the mess I am. The thoughts… the thoughts that always come back. They were right all along. I’ll hurt you. I’m not good for you. My therapist always say that those thoughts, they are not something I’ll act on. They are barely warning thoughts of what is bad. What I shouldn’t do. Like a failure of my brain that cannot process normally. But I killed my dad. I burnt his pain. I’m hurting you. Maybe I don’t have OCD and I’m just…”

“Sunday…” Gallagher pressed their forehead together and Sunday could feel hot droplets fall on his cheeks. “You are an idiot. I’m hurt because I care for you. Because it hurt to see you like this. To see that… you cannot even tell me that you want a hug…” He closed his eyes, but warm droplets still fell on Sunday’s cheeks. “Birdie… is it because of what you father did to you? Had he ever hit you because you asked for affection.”

“Maybe.” Sunday pushed Gallagher away. He looked up at the man, the tears shedding from his eyes. “I kept thinking that I should step away from this relationship before I’d hurt you. And look were we are. I hurt you. I hurt everybody I ever loved…”

“I am hurting because I care for you. I want to give you what you need. I want to care for you. You don’t need to have me destroy your ass to hug you! Listen! I’ll… I did love yesterday when I had you in mating press, but the rare times we went slower, I loved it too. Because what I love is being with you. One of my favourite thing was even that lazy-spoon sex, when you were all snuggled against me.”

“I loved it too,” Sunday whispered. “But all you are telling me is that I hurt you even more.”

“No. What I am telling you is: please. Talk to me. I told it to you so often and I thought…”

The Halovian shook his head.

“You did your best, Gallagher. You really did. I’m grateful for your presence. I simply told it to you: I would hurt you.”

“I’m hurt because I realize how much I hurt you! I didn’t believe you asked me to rough you up because you were trying to self-harm. I thought it was under control and except that time where I expected you to be honest with your need of tenderness, sometimes, I always prepared you well.”

“You did. You didn’t know that I could be wounded so easily.”

“Good. That mean: no more sex!”

“Uh?” Sunday let out.

“You want to be hugged? Fine! I will! But next time, use your mouth. Ask for that. There is nothing to be ashamed of!”

Gallagher sighed.

But the sigh wasn’t after Sunday–not that he couldn’t take it this way!–because he slowly started to understand how much Sunday had been in pain. He knew it. He knew that Sunday had been abused all his childhood and even teenagehood. He even knew how violent was his father since he was the one tending to his wounds.

So, perhaps, he believed that love and tenderness was a reward to pain.

“Come on,” Gallagher said.

He got up from the bed and walked to the wardrobe to scoop up a duvet. He laid it on the edge of the bed, removed the plaid stained with blood and extended the new blanket along the others over the mattress. Over Sunday.

Gallagher could have stepped away and, in Sunday’s mind, should have stepped away but he climbed back in the bed, slithered under the layers and brought the Halovian in his embrace.

“Gallagher,” Sunday whispered. That was what he wanted, but he didn’t believe he deserved it. “Aren’t you supposed to work?”

“You should tell my boss why I’m staying late and I’m sure he’ll understand.”

Sunday pressed his head against Gallagher’s chest.

“Alright,” he whispered, “I’ll do it.” He closed his eyes, listening to the sound of his heart. “Thank you, Gallagher.”

“You’re welcome, Birdie.”

 

🦚🐈🧪

 

Purring, Aventurine softly hummed for his daughter who was quite agitated. Mostly because she wasn’t used to be wrapped up. She was in a duck onesie that her father loved so much and on top of it, there was a coat too big for her, with fluff around the head making her almost disappear in it. It was too big for her mostly because she was a very tiny baby as a preemie. After all, if Aventurine hadn’t gave birth too early, she wouldn’t be 45 days old, but more likely one or two days old. Two weeks at worse.

She seemed to do good thanks to her Avgin’s blood as Avgin developed a bit faster, mentally, in the earlier days. At least, it was what Ratio guessed so. He was making lot of researches about babies and compared to their daughter. One day, he dared to complain that it was difficult to be sure that something was a rule or unique to Dawn, even more since she was a premature baby, and he was welcomed with Aventurine joking that he should make him pregnant then.

Ratio, of course, blushed and decided to cut short the conversation as Aventurine couldn’t stay serious!

In the facts, however, Aventurine had been very helpful. But there was so little he could do to help Ratio with his researches. Even more since Aventurine knew how much it would protect his daughter in the future. The catboy might be annoyed by the extent of some of the researches sometimes, but he trusted Ratio and he always had been nothing but caring. And respectful.

“I know, I know, clothes suck, uh? You are definitely my daughter if you prefer to be cute than being warm and cozy to go outside with auntie Topaz!” Aventurine laughed. “But believe me, you are very cute!”

In the distance, Aventurine could hear the workers on their duty. Due to the bad weather and the cold temperature, they didn’t plan to take care of outside before a moment.

They had finished the office and were now fully working on the library. As soon as it would be over, they might as well start with the dining to finally take care of the game room for their daughter. And future children? Aventurine slowly started to not thin a home-cinema was still a good idea. It wasn’t like he actively watched TV. He just wanted to noise in the distance to help his brain to focus. Making a bigger library and a play room seemed better. But it would also ask for more work. Aventurine was ready to pay for it and would win as many poker game as he could for it.

Aventurine heard the sound of his phone ringing and he couldn’t help but feel a little pinch in his heart. He didn’t know if it was Ratio’s parents or someone else.

Don’t get him wrong! He loved Ratio’s parents and was even delighted to send them picture of Dawn, but he also found them a bit… invasive. He had messaged them to call out the New Year Eve as Ratio was sick and since then, they drowned him under messages. Sometimes loving. Sometimes asking about their son.

Aventurine wasn’t so surprised as Ratio was secretive or, at least, discreet and didn’t share much. So, his biggest wonder, fear even, appeared: did they try to get in contact with him because they cared for him or because they wanted news about their son who didn’t share anything with them? He wouldn’t have minded has much if they wanted to know about Dawn! Even if that meant they didn’t care about him neither.

But it was a message of Topaz, taking a picture of herself and Numby.

 

[I’M AT YOUR DOOR~❤️]

 

“Ah!” Aventurine hummed, “Auntie Topaz arrived!” Aventurine took his precious baby in his arms and scurried to the front door. “Ladies and Gentlemen,” he shouted, “I’m going out for a time. I don’t know when I’ll come back but feel free to take break, get water, coffee or even a little snack if wanted. The other day, we bought some little cakes. They are on a basket by the kitchen. There are all without peanuts to make sure Auslotte wouldn’t come in contact with any.”

“Thank you so much!”

“Thanks!”

“Have a nice trip!”

Some voices shouted from the distance.

Aventurine went outside after having shout that to them. Knowing them since one month of half, he started to know some of them, but he also knew that some of them might love to ogle and lurk on him way too much, hence why he enjoyed behind outside. He couldn’t go out as much as he wanted, sadly, especially with a baby, but today, he was excited by this stroll they would do.

In the hall, Aventurine installed Dawn in her stroller. He checked that she was secured then opened the door. Topaz, her fists on her hips leaned in with a big smile.

“I almost thought you would not come! I thought I missed a dick to have your interest!”

“You are perfect as you are and you have all my interest! That fucking stroller is a pain in the ass to secure the belt though.”

“Aw! But it’s to make sure the most beautiful baby won’t fall!” Topaz crouched in front of the stroller. “Hello! Dawn! Do you recognize me? I’m the sexiest friend of your mama!”

“You are auntie Topaz to her!” Aventurine purred.

“Aaaw? Thank you, Aventurine! So happy to be the auntie of this sweetheart! Can Numby look at her?”

“Sure! Is Numby ready for the big stroll?”

“Yeah!” she answered. “We came here on my moto so he hadn’t taken his day’s walk yet.”

Topaz grabbed her beautiful and faithful Pomeranian to approach him from the baby so they could see each other. Upon seeing the catgirl, Numby barked, waving his tail. Out of surprise, Dawn let out a long meow. Aventurine crouched to gently caress her little hand.

“It’s alright, my baby. Numby is a nice dog and won’t do any harm to you! I wouldn’t let that happen!”

“Sure, mama would never let anyone hurt you! But if you wrestle Numby, I’ll have to wrestle you!” Topaz reminded.

“It’s okay, whenever you want as long as it’s in the mud and I can record.”

Topaz laughed. “A good idea! We definitely should try to do that one day. Where do we go for now?”

“To be honest, I don’t even know the area so, whatever for me.”

“Then let’s go this way!” Topaz said, showing a side.

They walked towards the right, Dawn looking around with interest. For her, it surely was nothing but vague shape and bright colour but Aventurine was still purring, proud of his daughter. He grabbed his phone so he could take a picture and send it to her father.

He didn’t want to live too much through the lens but he also refused to let such memories fade away. And more again, he refused for Ratio to not enjoy it!

To be honest, for someone like him that couldn’t keep good memories except in his brain that was already filled to the brim with horror, reminiscence of abuse, despair, blood and semen, keeping happy memories appeared important. So important. He wanted to be able to know those instants, even when the sad recollections would try to erase them. That must be the reason why he must have one thousands picture of Dawn and ten times more of Ratio. He even had to order a new memory card for his phone to keep them all.

The worst was that as much he had some very precious picture such as Dawn’s first bath; Ratio in pretty attire; Ratio holding their daughter; Dawn hugging a duckie plush, he also had many incredibly mundane pictures. Ratio eating a muffin; two pictures of Dawn that looked extremely similar to the exception of different outfit; Ratio washing the dishes or cooking; Ratio reading to their baby; Dawn sleeping in their bed; Dawn in cat; Ratio reading alone or on his computer.

Everything.

He wanted to keep everything.

 

[Look at this Daddy!! It’s our little meow meow!!]

[How adorable. Is she enjoying the stroll?

Do you?]

[I think so! She looks really interested.

I’m having fun, we’re chatting with Topaz.

I miss you tho!]

 

“Eh, don’t message too much your man!” Topaz said. “I’ll be jealous!”

“Worry not. I was just sending a picture of Dawn to him, but I’m all yours! Do talk to me about your life and all!”

“I prefer that!”

Topaz laughed and started to mention some details about her life. Be it mundane such as how she saved on time Numby from a bad grooming at the groomer they usually went to or talking about clients. Annoying or not. She also mentioned projects of life, opportunities.

They simply walked and chatted, bantering by time. Appreciating the cold chill that swirled around them.