Chapter Text
Draco wakes up feeling like he'd been run over by the Knight Bus, with itchy blankets on top of him, and bright light coming from the windows going straight into his eyes. He knew he was in the infirmary because of the smell of healing potions he had brewed before with his Godfather.
He tries to sit up but a sharp pain in his abdomen gives him pause, Draco looks down to see a big purple and green bruise on his upper belly. He presses it with his fingers and the pain flares up.
“Hey Draco are you ok?” Pansy says.
Turning his head he sees Pansy sitting on the wooden chair by his bed. By her looks, Draco could tell she was worrying about him, the bags under her eyes and her unkempt hair showed her lack of sleep
“Hey, Pans I'm fine it's nothing to worry about” He croaked, “ Could you help me sit up?” His throat was dry. How long had he been at the infirmary?
Pansy moves to help him slowly, giving him time to change his mind. She carefully holds his upper arm and puts her other arm around his middle so as not to hurt him.
Now sitting he can address his dry mouth, “Could you get me a cup of water? My throat is itchy.”
“Of course hon, wait a second.”
Pansy gets up to leave when Madam Pomfrey appears through the curtains surrounding his bed. The matron holds the curtain open for Pansy and turns to address Draco.
“Good to see you are up Mister Malfoy” She looked at him up and down with an expression Draco had never seen on her before.
“How long was I asleep?” He asked as Pansy returned with a cup, filling it with aguamenti she gave it to him. Draco drank slowly appreciating the cold water running down his throat.
“A day,” The matron said.
“A day?” Draco almost spilled his water “What, what was I hit with?”
“A stinging hex,” Pansy said with a sneer.
Madam Pomfrey shot her a glance. “ And you Miss Parkinson shouldn't be here at all, I'll talk to Mister Malfoy. You can go to your classes.”
Pansy got up, thanked the Matron, and left the infirmary. Draco watched as she went. It wasn't a surprise to see that even in her worry Pansy kept her class if anything else.
He hated when people worried on his behalf but with Pansy, there wasn't much he could do. She had been like this since they were little, it didn't matter if he told her he was fine or that he could take care of things himself she would always go out of her way to guarantee without a doubt he was going to be okay.
With the war and the Dark Lord's task and punishment, Draco knew Pansy felt powerless and guilty for not being there for him - Even after he told her it wasn't her fault and that he wouldn't have let her intervene if it meant bringing danger to her door. If she wanted to take all the steps she could to take care of him this year he would let her, if it meant the weight on her chest would be lifted she could do whatever she wanted with his life.
“Well Mister Malfoy you took minimal damage from the stinging hex, but you are severely malnourished. I believe that was what made you pass out.”
“There was b-blood.” Draco couldn't help but stutter. He had been lost in thoughts of Pansy and the mention of blood summoned too many memories.
Madam Pomfrey sighed and took the chair Pansy had vacated, with a much kinder voice, the Matron turned to him.
“There was some internal bruising, that's why you coughed blood, but as I said minimal damage. What I truly want to talk to you about is your malnourishment,” When Draco opened his mouth to protest she raised a hand. “I am not finished, Mister Malfoy. I know that whatever you went through during the war still affects you, as I know that these were not self-made.” She touched the scar under his right eye, so lightly that he almost couldn't feel her fingertips, he recoiled from it anyway.
“I'm sorry” Draco looked down at his scared hands, and as the matron lowered hers in turn, his eyes began to mist as the tears welled up. Was he so broken that even the softest touch made him flinch?
“Look at me dear,” Madam Pomfrey said with a voice he had only heard from his mother before the war. “You don't have to apologize to me, you did nothing wrong.”
“But, I did. During the war..” the tears in his eyes started running down his face and he couldn't finish his sentence.
Draco didn't know if it was her tone, that reminded him so much of his mother or the way her eyes too were shining with tears, that made him want to tell her everything that happened to him during and after the war, but he couldn't do it. It was too hard to put the memories into words and he wasn't ready.
“The war is over my child, it's over.” She sat on the edge of the bed and opened her arms in an invitation. Draco only took a moment to think before folding himself against her. He hadn't been hugged like this in so long - maybe since the fourth year when the Dark Lord returned and his father became more strict with him, and his mother became quiet.
“Shh child Shh it's going to be fine, you are safe now.” Madam Pomfrey lightly rocked Draco and patted his hair as he cried in her arms.
*****
When Draco finally calmed down Madam Pomfrey gave him a nourishment potion to drink, helped him up from the bed, and told him to come back tomorrow for a check-up and to talk to her if he still couldn't eat.
Draco had never talked much with the Matron and was sure he had been rude to her more than once as a child. So he didn't understand why she comforted him, maybe she did this to everyone?
Getting out of the infirmary he stopped. Pansy and the other eighth-year Slytherins were waiting for him down the corridor.
Draco sighs, running a hand through his hair, “I thought Madam Pomfrey told you to go back to class.”
“It's literally dinner, she doesn't know what she's talking about,” Pansy looks rested and her hair is combed - she probably used some charms on herself while waiting for him.
“And why are all of you here instead of the great hall?”
Blaise puts his hand up, asking for permission to touch; after Draco nods he throws an arm around his shoulders.
“Because we were all worried after Potter tried to kill you, again.” He smirks but the tension is clear in his eyes.
“ Potter?” After the kindness from Madam Pomfrey Draco’s nerves were already raw, and he hadn't had enough time to put himself back together before another blow now he is falling apart. He can feel his thoughts spiraling out of control.
Draco felt lightheaded, If fucking Harry Potter got involved he could imagine what he must have looked like to the Saviour - a bully, a death eater his thought provided. If the other students heard that Draco Malfoy was being hexed by Potter in the halls, would he even have a chance of surviving the year?
He should just give up. What his friends and mother thought was wrong. He wouldn't get better, he wouldn't heal, and he doesn't even have a chance. He should have let Greyback kill him.
“ Fuck Blaise, did you have to tell him like that?” Millie hissed
“ I'm sorry,” Blaise’s arm was no longer on Draco's shoulders but on his back holding him up. “I didn’t think.”
“Draco, Draco look at me,” Greg was suddenly in front of him, his voice soothing.
He looked but failed to hide the desperation in his eyes “He won't touch you again we will make sure of it, I know it is too much to ask, but try not to worry and leave Potter and the other students to us okay?”
It was too much to ask. How can he not worry when everything is falling apart? How can Draco not worry when by helping him his friends were putting a target on their backs?
There is so much happening, that asking him not to worry is almost cruel.
He took a deep breath before answering, but his voice still came out shaky. “I can’t tell you I won't worry 'cause I don't want to lie. Potter getting involved will change everything and I don't know what to do.”
“We will figure it out mate, just try not to worry right now,” Blaise said, smiling tentatively and letting Draco go now that he could stand straight.
“There is one more thing,” Theo said, “ Professor Snape asked me to tell him when you woke up. He wants to talk to you.”
“But not now,” Blaise intervened. “Now we are all going to our dorm and telling you all the gossip you lost while in your coma.”
Draco let out a snort. Blaise’s comment distracted him enough to relax him a little.
“It wasn't a coma.” Draco rolled his eyes, “Besides, how much gossip could I have lost in a day?”
“We are at Hogwarts dear, the rumor mill is always running wild,” Pansy added
Draco huffed and let himself be guided to the eighth-year dorms listening to Pansy and Blaise while they provoked Theo; Millie laughed at them. Vince and Greg stood by his side making sure he was out of danger.
It felt like when they were children, except that at other times Vince, Greg, and Draco would be talking loudly to each other about anything and everything, their favorite subjects - Care of Magical Creatures for Greg, Charms for Vince, and Potions for Draco - their lives at home, or Quidditch. Not that the silence wasn't comfortable; sometimes none of them were in a mood to talk, but Draco missed having the energy to have fun while discussing unimportant topics with his friends.
*****
When they got to the eighth-year Slytherin boy's dorm Draco felt a lot better, his worries momentarily forgotten, he even joined Pansy and Blaise in tormenting Theo - while also mocking the two of them. Vince and Greg convinced them to a chess tournament and after being voted out of participating for being “too good” Draco and Theo sat on Blaise’s bed to watch.
“Do you want me to tell Professor Snape you'll meet him tomorrow?” Theo asked quietly so the others wouldn't hear them.
“No, it's fine,” Draco responded “I'll go and see him in a moment. I just want to see Greg beating Blaise before.” He snickered.
“Yeah, that's a show worth watching,” Theo smirked, “I'll go with you after.”
“Thank you, Theo.”
“No problems mate.”
Theo looked at the others, making sure they were still distracted with the game and not paying attention to them.
“I know you noticed how we were worried about you earlier,” He said, giving Draco his full attention. “But I want you to know that we are not putting everything in our lives to stop and waiting for you. We are Slytherin, we can take care of you and ourselves at the same time Draco, so have a little more trust in us. Trust that we know what we are doing.”
Draco was out of breath for a moment. Theo had always been one of the smartest people he knew, but sometimes he forgot how perceptive the other boy was. It shouldn't surprise him that Theo knew what he was worried about only looking at him.
Sometimes Theo was so focused on his studies that people thought that he wasn’t paying attention to the things around him, but he always paid attention to everything and everyone. Though he only ever said something when he really cared, never wasting words.
The game was quick as they all knew it would be, Greg destroyed Blaise every time they played chess, which wasn’t a surprise since Greg only lost to Theo, Draco, or Dafne. He might not be the smartest in classes but chess had been something he loved since they were little.
Theo and Draco got up and went to meet with Severus, Pansy, and Millie telling them good night since she was getting tired and would probably have gone to her one dorm when they came back.
They didn't speak on the way Draco was lost again in thoughts. What if Severus wanted to see him to inform him that he was being expelled? He could live with it, the Malfoys still had a large amount of gold in their vaults so he didn't necessarily need to work, but his mother would be sad, and Severus would definitely be disappointed.
When they arrived Draco tried to calm his nerves.
“I will wait for you here and we can return to the dorms together,” Theo informed him.
“If you are tired you can go ahead i can go back by myself. There's little chance to be anyone out when Severus is finished.”
Theo dismissed Draco with his hand, and sighing Draco knocked on the Potions Master door.
“Enter,” Came the voice from inside.
His Godfather’s voice always had a velvety melodic quality that made Draco want to impress him.
“Hello Severus, Theo informed me you wanted to see me.”
“ Oh yes Draco, but it would seem like my message got lost along the way since I told Mister Nott I wanted to see you when you got out of the infirmary, and Madam Pomfrey told me you got out some hours ago.” Severus raised an eyebrow at Draco.
Draco took the seat in front of the professor and ran a hand through his hair. “I needed some time to… Compose myself.”
“I assume your friends informed you what happened to put you in the infirmary?” Draco nodded and Severus continued, “ I know you are doing your best Draco, but I need you to understand that getting attacked by The Golden Boy puts you in a tough place when everyone believes you are in the wrong.”
“I know,” Draco said putting his head in his hands and closing his eyes. “I will try harder not to get involved in more problems.”
“ Would you care to tell me what happened with the Seventh-year Hufflepuff before Mister Potter arrived?”
“ I thought you already knew,” Draco said looking at his Godfather
“I only know what Mister Zabini saw when he arrived, and what Potter and the other student told their heads of house. I would like to know your point of view.”
“ What’s the use? Is not like anyone else will believe me.” Draco said crossing his arms.
Severus just kept looking at him unimpressed, his hands crossed in front of him.
“Fine,” He huffed. “ I was alone walking from the DADA classroom when the Hufflepuff pinned me against the wall, I didn't even manage to raise my wand and the bloke was already cowering. I guess that's when Potter showed up and jinxed me, I passed out after that.”
Severus hummed. “ Can I ask you why you didn't manage to pull your wand earlier on such an occasion?”
“Pansy, Blaise, Millie, and Theo have been trying to get me to defend myself, and after Professor Lupin told me to try harder in class I thought I could do it. Obviously, I was wrong” Draco responded dropping his head. he didn't want his Godfather to know he wasn't capable of using defensive spells without getting sick.
At the mansion he and his godfather would read, talk, and make potions together they never did any type of duel practice or defense training after the war. He didn't want Severus to know why that was.
“ I believe your friends are right indeed Draco you need to be capable of defending yourself when you are alone.” Severus gaze softened, “I'm not telling you to hex every student who tries to hurt you, but there are other ways. You could always set off an alarm to inform me or the other Slytherins.”
“ And what? I'm supposed to be dependent on others to save me for the rest of my life?” Draco got up feeling irritated, “ I can't do this again Severus. I can't be defenseless for the rest of my life. I just can’t.”
He started pacing the room, hands pulling on his hair in an attempt to regain control. “I don't know what to do. Everyone keeps telling me to try harder, try other ways, or practice more but when I do things only get worse. I feel sick even looking at my wand sometimes. ” Draco was sobbing by now. “If I don't defend myself I'll probably never make it to the end of the year, and if I do I'll probably get expelled for attacking another student.”
“ Draco, look at me.”
He couldn’t hear Severus past his own hyperventilating. Why couldn't he just use his wand like a normal wizard, why did they need to traumatize him so hard that he was just useless now? Fuck he couldn’t breathe.
Severus was suddenly in front of him, not touching, but at arm's length. “ Drink this,” He gave Draco a potion vial who drank with shaking hands.
“ Can I touch you? You need to sit down,” Draco nodded and his Godfather helped him to a chair.
“ Now listen to me Draco, you are a Slytherin, and my Godsoon, you have endured hell. You can endure a school filled with fools. If it is still difficult to fight use all the resources you have until it becomes easy again easy again.”
Severus's words were hard but his eyes were soft, “ You are not alone Draco,” The potionier opened his arms and Draco let his head drop on his Godfather’s shoulder.
He cried on Severus's shoulder for some time the Professor rubbing his back in soft circles. The calming draft having done his job Draco took a deep breath and looked up wiping his face. “Thank you, Severus”
“No problem it is my job as a Godfather to remind you that you are a strong and proud Slytherin when you forget.”
Smiling Draco nodded. Sometimes he truly needed a reminder from his Godfather, even if being strong and proud was hard now.
“ Now there is one more thing I need to tell you,” Draco’s smile fell at his word but Severus continued before he had time to panic. “ Headmistress McGonagall wants to talk to you and Potter tomorrow, I will be there as your head of house just as Lupin will be for Potter,” Seeing Draco’s wide eyes he continued “McGonagall already informed me that you will not be expelled no matter the result we arrive at the end. You won't be alone so there is no need to panic.”
“Why would she say that?” He knew McGonagall was good and she seemed to like him well enough - since she was the one who invited him to finish his NEWTS, but promised not to expel him after he got in a fight with Potter? That was asking for too much.
Severus sighed, “Because Draco she trusted me when I said that I didn't believe you were bullying the other student, she is the only other adult in this castle who knows what you went through after Dumbledore's death, so she already had her own doubts.”
Draco had to close his eyes and take a deep breath. He knew McGonagall had to know about Greyback and the others, she was Headmistress, so it made sense, but it still made him extremely uncomfortable.
“ You don't think she will inform anyone else about…” He couldn't finish, he didn't want to talk out loud about his punishment.
“I don't think so. But if she thinks it is needed I'm sure she would ask for your opinion before.”
Why his Godfather thought that Draco might never know but he wasn't so sure, and if she did ask him he already knew what his answer would be - absolutely fucking not.
Severus looked him up and down and urged him to the door. “Now, I think it is best if you go to bed. I've already kept you here long enough and tomorrow will be a long day.”
Draco stopped with his hand at the door handle before leaving, looking back at his Godfather he said, “ Thank you, Severus. Good night.”
“Good night Draco, and remember I will always be here for you.”
He smiled at the potions master and left, closing the door behind himself.
Draco almost fell into the corridor when he tripped over something, or rather someone.
“What the fuck?!” The other boy opened his eyes slowly, looking around.“Hmm, what?”
“What the fuck Theo what are you still doing here?” Theo was sitting by Severus' door with his hands folded on a book in his lap and his legs stretched out.
He looked up at Draco, rubbing his eyes, “I was reading while waiting for you, but I fell asleep,” he said, combing a hand through his hair.
Draco extended his hand to the Slytherin, “ I thought I told you I could go back by myself if you were tired,” he huffed.
Getting up Theo sleepily showed his hand in question and Draco nodded, he threw his arm across Draco's shoulders, “And who would protect me when the others discovered I left you alone? Now shut up and take me to bed.”
“ My hero,” he said, rolling his eyes. And laughing he took them to the eighth-year dorms.