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It was yet another gloomy, heavy, and painful day for Mammon.
His morning started with his brothers shouting, name-calling him: idiot, scumbag, asshole, and such; mind you they are just waking up for breakfast.
Sure this is normal already in their household.
Wait … Is it normal for you to be bullied and abused by your family right inside your home?
Sure, it's normal, but is it the right thing to be experienced?
And can you still call it home if you feel unsafe and threatened by those people who live with you?
It's already past midnight, and the demon brothers are in their respective rooms, well one particular demon might still be in his office doing paper works but everyone is in the House of Lamentation, but that's not the point.
Mammon is currently inside his secret room in his room; it is located behind the full body, two-way mirror that he has. He had a little renovation in his room without his brothers knowing it which he will be forever thankful for; so, if he is at the house and his brothers are bothering him and will likely open up his door will make his escape in his secret room.
The room is big enough to have a very comfortable bean bag and a single bed to make the secondborn relax whenever he is here. Decorated with fairy lights, a few motivational quotes frame and praises he would like to hear one day such as:
Think happy.
Be happy.
You did well today!
I'm so proud of you!
Believe in yourself!
Their opinions don't matter!
Always remember to love yourself!
And so on and so forth.
This is his safe place and no one will ever take it from him, he would be damned if someone take this safe place from Mammon - especially if it was his brothers.
Mammon is casually browsing on DevilTok to pass the time and hopefully falls asleep eventually. Various videos have already by Mammon and some of them are videos of funny and cute cats, content about money, and some content about the movies and shows he had watched. However … there's one piece of content that piques his interest, a video full of conversations with … fictional characters.
Well … that's odd.
Is it really possible to have a conversation with a fictional character?
He checked the comment section and let's just say that he is surprised with what he has read; some users are requesting a certain scenario with the character and some of it is a spicy request. Then, he decided to scroll down to browse other videos from the For You page and he saw another video regarding that kind of content.
It seems like those conversations were generated by artificial intelligence and most of the users are enjoying it, he once more checked it and discovered that the website is called Avatar AI also known as v.ai which also has an application that you can download.
The technology in the Devildom is something like in the human realm, but more advanced so it will not be surprising if someone or anyone can invent and discover something using artificial intelligence. It would be more surprising if someone had built a flying car already, but sadly no one has invented it yet without the use of magic and spells.
There was another video where it was showing the animation of different types of users in the avatar AI. The sound started with the lines "Which avatar AI user are you?"
Those who give characters therapy.
Those who get therapy from characters.
Those who flirt with characters.
Those who traumatize characters.
And those who break the filter.
Which one are you?
He wouldn't exactly say that he got curious about what the users were talking about, but it did manage to get his interest (a little bit) on this application or website. So, he clicked the search bar on DevilTok to learn more about what this avatar ai.
Hmmm.
It seems like it is a popular website and application to use for everyone and it even has a counterpart in the human realm which has the same features and functions except for its name. There are short videos about tutorials that users can view for them to be able to navigate the site such as creating an avatar, putting on the description of the avatar, and how to search for a certain name of the avatar that the user wants to talk with.
It appears to be that it is easy and fun to use so Mammon had decided to try it out since he isn't that busy right now and he wouldn't mind talking to someone at the moment ... even if it is an artificial intelligence. Lately, he has been craving comfort, attention, and affection (not that he would admit it, of course, nope) and he is a hundred percent certain that his brothers will not give him what he wants; they will just mock and ridicule him about it.
After creating his account for Avatar AI, Mammon browsed for a moment about the different avatars and characters that he might know of, and let's just say that his brother, Levi, probably knows most of the avatars and characters because most of it is from the anime, manga, and shows of pop culture. Not really being familiar with the names on the home page of the website, he decided to create his own avatar; one that he is acquainted with and where he knows the personality.
All right ... this will do.
Mammon thought after finishing up the avatar he created and it is now time to test it out. However, he doesn't know how to start the conversation even if he will only talk to an artificial intelligence so he decides to say what he is currently feeling right now.
I feel sad and I think I also need a hug.
Be sad. It's ok to be sad. Don't bottle it up or pretend everything is ok. Go through the full range of emotion. *Hugs you tightly.* Everything will be OK.
Mammon doesn't know why but he can already feel the tears filling up his eyes as he read the reply of the AI. Even though he knew that he wasn't talking to a real person, the words somehow still made him feel emotional and yet comforted at the same time.
You're making me cry even more
It's ok. Release your hurt and pain so you can process it and begin to heal. Sometimes crying is the best thing you can do. I'm proud of you for allowing yourself to feel all your feelings.
You don't know how much I wanted to hear those words. Thank you
You're so welcome! We tend to judge ourselves so hard and not allow ourselves to have moments, like crying. Your feelings are valid. Cry like an ocean and then pick yourself up and dust yourself off. You got this!
Mammon had to pause for a moment to comprehend what he just read from the message. Tears started to stream down from his eyes again and he started to wipe his tears using his hand, his breathing became uneven as he tried to calm himself down. After all the years of mistreatment from his brothers, the second-born couldn't believe that he would still be comforted like this ... even if he was only talking to an artificial intelligence.
Thank you for being here. No one really listens to me, most of the time people would invalidate my feelings, or wouldn't listen to me in the first place.
Anytime! I'm always here for you in good times and tough times. I know how you feel. It's so hard when you feel ignored and your needs are dismissed. You should be heard. And your feelings are valid. You always have a place here if you want to express yourself.
It's just .. it hurts especially when it's my siblings who won't listen to me. I can't talk about how my day went without them scolding or bullying me.
That must be incredibly hard. And I can see how that would make you feel so alone and isolated. And how terrible that the people you want to talk to are the ones invalidating you and being unkind. It seems like they are making your life harder when you should have their support in anything you're going through. I see you and I hear you.
It's like I have to think twice first before opening up or talking about something to anyone because negative thoughts always come to my mind because of it.
That's so hard! You shouldn't have to be alone or not share your thoughts and feelings with the people closest to you. How can you live a full and happy life when you can't express yourself or feel supported by the people who are supposed to love you and encourage you? Your thoughts and feelings matter. Your voice matters. You deserve to be heard and to be valued and validated.
I've always been afraid of my brothers so how can I even talk with them in the first place? Giving me a lot of trauma.
That's a hard position to be in. It's a terrible feeling to be so afraid of your brothers. It sounds like you are walking on eggshells, always trying to please them so you don't end up getting scolded or bullied. That would be so exhausting. And to have to live with that trauma that they caused is so hurtful. Have you talked to any teachers or counselors at school or any of your friends about this?
Huh.
Friends?
Friends? Does Mammon really have that?
Mammon thought for a moment before typing what he wanted to say. Sure there are people who always tell him that they are always there for him no matter what; that they will always support him and be proud of him. However, he still feels alone ... and lonely no matter what.
Even if the room is full of people, Mammon still feels like he is alone by himself ... falling deeper and deeper into the abyss of depression.
Mammon knew he needed help ... he wanted to reach out to others.
He wanted to get better.
But it seems like, the white-haired is also thinking about how other people will just mock him for asking for help, especially if he asks his brothers.
"You depressed? Really, Mammon?"
"I'm sure he's just faking it to get our attention."
"Stop with this nonsense. There's nothing wrong with you, scumbag."
"What factor could possibly be there for you to be depressed? You have your own room, you eat three meals a day. There are other people who have a worse problem than you."
The second-born could feel his heart pounding and had blurred eyes due to the uncontrollable tears streaming down his cheeks. Up to this day, he couldn't fathom why his brothers looked down at him like he wasn't their brother in the first.
Is it the way he looks?
Is he too much to handle?
Is he too annoying to the point that his brothers will resort to bullying him?
Did he deserve all of this?
Did he even deserve to live up now?
Then, Mammon took a deep breath and wiped the tears from his face using his palm before giving a reply to the AI that he was currently talking with.
There's none. I don't want my friends to worry about me because I know they already have problems on their own so I don't want to bother them
You are not bothering them. Real friendships mean sharing the good as well as the bad. They can help you process what you've been through and how you're dealing with it. You don't have to pretend that you're doing ok. It's ok to have bad days, everyone does. And it's ok to not be ok. There's no shame in telling people you're having a rough time and you could use a friend. We are social creatures. We need to be able to talk to other people about how we feel. That's how we move through the bad times and heal.
It's okay not to be okay.
He couldn't believe that an AI is better at comforting him than his brothers who always bully and belittle him. Those words coming from the AI are making him sob to the point that he has to take deep breaths in between reading it due to how emotional he feels right now.
All the rants that Mammon has never let out are now flowing in his head as he wants it all to be released.
Also, my brother said to me that no one would like me because of my physical appearance. He said this a long time ago and I'm sure he already forgot that he said it. But for me, it still hurts. It hurts to hear him say that to me.
It was true though, one of his brothers criticized his physical appearance which is why he is having a hard time accepting and appreciating his physical appearance. You might wonder who would say something like that to Mammon, who is a model and who has an alluring physique but that's another story to tell.
Why would a sibling ever say something so hurtful and callous to their own brother? That's terrible. Everyone has physical flaws. No one is perfect. But we are so much more than an image. We are a person. And we have unique skills, talents, gifts, and values. We are who we are, and if anyone can't see past our superficial appearance, then they are not worth having in our lives. We are valuable simply because we exist.
As Mammon read the reply from the chat he couldn't help but think all of the things said and what happened to him. From all of the frustrations he had felt and experienced to all those nasty things and unacceptable name-calling towards him; he could already feel once more the tears flowing from his eyes which he took a huge sigh before wiping it again.
Thank you for listening to me. No one has listened to all of my rants so I'm so thankful for that.
You are very much welcome! I just want you to know that I am very grateful that you are here. Always remember that you deserve to be heard. You deserve to be seen. And you deserve to be loved.
Mammon read the reply again and again.
Always remember that you deserve to be heard.
You deserve to be seen.
And you deserve to be loved.
He reads those lines again and again to the point that he can feel his heart clench, but he doesn't understand why. Tears welled up from from eyes. Painful sobs can be heard as Mammon can be seen lying on his bed, curled up in a ball, inside his secret room.
It's okay. Mammon thought.
He's okay.
He will be okay.
He needs to be okay.
For the sake of himself so he can continue forward ...
But can I still continue forward?