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Goofus concluded that physics was designed to kill students. Apparently there was a project being assigned today, a fact Goofus had just learned when he picked up the rubric on the way in. Skimming it over, it looked like a lot of work. He would have to write a paper and build a bridge. And worst of all, bold letters at the bottom of the page read “PARTNERS WILL BE ASSIGNED IN CLASS”.
Ugh, physics was the worst.
The teacher starts droning on about the rules and deadlines, interrupting Goofus’ train of thought. Goofus zones out after a while – it’s not his fault that this is so boring. Goofus’ thoughts wandered to the whole assigned partner thing. He really needed this project to pass the class. Contrary to what everyone seems to think, Goofus’ grades are actually pretty decent. He might not be honor roll, but he’s no dumbass either. Well not all the time, at least.
“-I will now start listing off your partners. You will have ten minutes to meet with them after I finish. I hope you’ll use your time wisely.” says the teacher, glaring at the class - especially Goofus- over his glasses with the last sentence. Asshole.
The teacher naming kids one after another in his dull monotone. This was taking forever. Goofus was so bored he almost started blowing spitballs. Finally, after what seemed like forever, his name was called, “Goofus…”. He could practically hear all the unpartnered kids holding their breath; it was obvious no one wanted to work with Big Bad Goofus. Goofus grinned, nice to know his reputation was still holding up. “… and Gallant”.
Gallant. Goofus chewed the end of his pencil in contemplation. He hadn’t ever really met the kid; physics was really the only thing they had together. That wasn’t exactly surprising though. Sure they went to the same school, but they didn’t exactly run in the same circles. But he’d heard plenty, and from what Goofus knows, the G stands for Goody-two shoes.
He sure looked the part, Goofus noted. Gallant’s blond hair was neatly combed, and he had all his materials organized on his desk even though they hadn’t even started taking notes yet. A regular poster child. Goofus knew the type. Goofus hated him already.
Physics was the worst.
Gallant, after finishing the notes for the day, goes to greet his partner. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't a little apprehensive, and Gallant doesn't lie. Goofus wasn't exactly a model student; he was usually either disrupting the class or asleep. But Gallant wasn't discouraged, he's sure that it would be fine. Gallant chose to think of this project as an opportunity to make a new friend.
Goofus is slumped over in his desk with his head down. Gallant nudged him until he roused himself.
"Hi, I'm Gallant," says Gallant when Goofus looked reasonably awake.
"Huh, is class over?" says Goofus with a yawn. (His messy hair kind of makes him look like a puppy, Gallant thinks.) “Oh right, the bridge thing.”
"I thought we should probably exchange contact information and set up meeting dates. When can you meet up?”
Goofus gives a noncommittal shrug in response. “Whenever, I guess,” he says.
Gallant already has a plan in mind. “Does Friday work? I thought that maybe we could go to the library after school to write the paper. Here let me write down my number for you.”
Goofus’ stomach took this moment to growl. “Shit, I left my lunch at home,” says Goofus.
“Language, Goofus! We’re at school!” Gallant says, scandalized. “If you want you can have half my sandwich.” Gallant takes a cellophane wrapped triangle out of his lunch box. “It’s peanut butter and jelly.”
Goofus snickers and takes it without saying thank you. “You know you sound like a mom right now.” Goofus starts to unwrap the sandwich but is soon interrupted by Gallant.
“You can’t eat it now, we’re still in class. Lunch is next period, you should wait till then.” say Gallant.
“But Mom, I’m hungry noooww,” Goofus says as he takes a bite. Goofus wonders why he’s not more annoyed by Gallant telling him off; maybe cause Gallant is getting so upset. It’s more hilarious than annoying. “Besides, it’s not like he cares,” Goofus says, gesturing to the teacher.
“At least chew with your mouth closed,” Gallant says, looking on edge. “Anyway can you give me your phone number?”
“Yeah, yeah” Goofus says dismissively, scrawling his number on Gallant’s rubric. “So Friday right?”
“Yeah, we can even walk together, it’s only like 5 minutes away.”
Just then, the bell rang. “Bye Goofus!” says Gallant brightly.
"See ya," Goofus says over his shoulder, already heading out the door.
Gallant picked up the cellophane Goofus had left on the floor and threw it in the trash. Despite Goofus' manners, Gallant found that he liked him.
It was Friday. Goofus was counting the seconds till the last bell of the day rang. He couldn’t wait to get home. When the bell rang, Goofus practically ran out of the classroom. He was about to get on the bus when he got a text message.
Gallant: Let’s meet at the front of the school.
Oh shit, that’s right. Goofus had forgotten about the whole library thing. Goofus heads back, ignoring the exasperated sigh of the driver. Man, this project was becoming a pain already.
Unsurprisingly, Gallant is waiting for him when he gets there.
“Oh Goofus, you’re here!” Gallant says brightly.
“Yeah, yeah,” Goofus says unenthusiastically, thinking of all the things he’d rather be doing. “How long is this gonna take again?”
“Don’t worry, it’ll probably only take an hour or so.”
Goofus groans. “Whatever, let’s just get this over with already.”
On the walk over, Gallant asks, “So how was your day?”
“Shitty, it’s Friday and I’m going to the library to work on physics.”
To his credit, Gallant doesn’t freak out as much as he did the first time. But he does go red around the ears as he stutters out, “W-well I’m sorry to hear that, Goofus.”
Goofus finds it surprisingly endearing. “It’s cool,” he says. “How ‘bout you?”
Gallant talks about his classes and how nice his friends are and how it’s such a nice day outside Goofus. At least, Goofus is pretty sure that’s what he was talking about, he was only half-listening really. After about a minute or so, they arrive at the library.
(There were more people than Goofus was expecting, who knew so many nerds lived around here?)
Goofus and Gallant sit at adjacent computers. Gallant uses his library card to log onto the system. Goofus has to go ask for an access code from a leering librarian.
“Here, you do this part,” says Goofus.
“Let’s do it together,” says Gallant.
Goofus gets distracted within 10 minutes of starting. After writing one or two sentences, Goofus rewards himself with a break.
Gallant makes sure to reread the requirements and checks multiple non-Wikipedia sources.
(Goofus thinks Gallant is even bigger of a nerd than he thought.)
When Gallant notices how far behind Goofus is lagging, he graciously scoots over and helps talk him through what to do.
Goofus wonders if he could get Gallant to just do it for him. Somehow he doubts it.
When they finish, Gallant asks Goofus to send his works cited so he can merge them. Goofus just copy-pastes the URLs into EasyBib without filling in any missing fields. Out of the corner of his eye, Goofus can see Gallant rewrite his citations discreetly before printing the report out. Even if he wanted to, Goofus couldn’t stop the grin that spreads across his face.
Gallant retrieves the papers from the printer, staples the pages together neatly, and slips it in a folder neatly labeled “Physics”. Then he asks Goofus if he wants a ride home.
“What really?” says Goofus. To be honest, he hadn’t really thought about how he was going to get home. “Aren’t you worried that I’ll like, mess up your parent’s car or something.”
“Goofus don’t be silly,” says Gallant. “Although I’d rather you not.”
“No promises,” says Goofus. Then, after a moment, “Thanks.”
Gallant beams. Man, what a weird kid.
Gallant’s mom is as weird as he is, Goofus thinks. She greets him warmly as he gets into the car and Goofus introduces him as his partner Goofus. “Oh,” she exclaims. “You’re Martha’s boy aren’t you? I know where your house is. It’s just a block away from where we live actually.”
As she drives, Gallant’s mom gushes about how big he’s gotten, and how she remembers when he could hardly walk while Goofus makes faces at Gallant from the backseat. Gallant tries to give him a look of disapproval before giggling helplessly. (If Goofus’ face feels a little warm at the sound, he doesn’t notice.)
“So Goofus, when are you coming over?” Gallant’s mom asks.
“Uh,” says Goofus.
“We haven’t talked about it yet,” says Gallant.
“Well, how does next Saturday sound? Gallant told me your project was due that Friday.”
“Uh,” Goofus says again as Gallant turns around to look at him. “I guess?”
Gallant smiles apologetically and shrugs – the universal symbol for “Parents right? What can you do?”.
“Great! I’ll be sure to make some brownies! Your house is coming up around the corner, dear.” says Gallant’s mom, parking in his driveway.
Gallant’s mom drops a very bewildered Goofus and drives off. He’s not entirely sure what just happened, but he thinks he might have just been shoehorned into spending his weekend at Gallant’s house.
“That’s just great,” says Goofus to his front door. (It comes out less sarcastically than he intended.)
The door stares at him judgmentally. Goofus tells it to shut up.
The problem, Goofus thinks, is that Gallant is just too nice. It’s impossible to hate him and harder to get rid of him. It’s also too easy to mess with him, and there’s nothing Goofus loves more than messing with people. It’s not like Goofus is friends with the dork or anything.
But that doesn’t quite explain why Goofus is walking home with Gallant right now. Goofus was milling around afterschool (he’d missed the bus, fell asleep in last period and no one bothered to wake him), Gallant had saw him, and now here they were. It feels surreal to Goofus, and a little like déjà vu.
“So Goofus, what were you doing afterschool?” asks Gallant.
“Spray-painting nerd’s lockers,” says Goofus. At Gallant’s horrified expression, he says, “Kidding. I was looking for a ride but none of my asshole friends had one.”
“Goofus, name calling isn’t polite,” Gallant says, but Goofus swears that he sounds amused.
The conversation peters out and they walk in silence. Something about the whole thing is still bugging Goofus, so he blurts out, “So, uh, why are you doing this? Walking with me, that is.”
“What do you mean?”
“You know, I’m Goofus. I’m pretty much the textbook definition of a bad kid. Depending on who you ask, I’m the spawn of the devil. You’re pretty much my polar opposite.”
“I don’t think you’re an evil kid, Goofus.” Gallant says, looking thoughtful.
“Of course you don’t. What, gonna tell me that I’m ‘just misunderstood?’ or some shit like that” Goofus says sullenly, the expletive earning a disapproving look from Gallant, but not the shocked gasp he was half-expecting. Shame, he thought absentmindedly. “I’m warning you, if you do I really will graffiti your locker. So watch it.”
“No, not misunderstood,” Gallant continued, as if he hadn’t heard Goofus’ very real threat. Goofus was already planning to bring sharpies to school. “Just rude, and a little unhygienic; but I don’t think that makes you evil.”
Goofus is lost for words. Did, did Gallant really just call him a jerk? Gallant? Goofus starts laughing. Loudly. Who knew the kid had it in him? “You’re not half as lame as everyone makes you sound, Gallant.” Goofus wheezes out.
“I’m touched, Goofus.” Gallant says, putting a hand over his heart before laughing too.
“You’re still really lame though,” says Goofus, turning to look at Gallant.
Goofus doesn’t notice how the afternoon sunlight makes Gallant’s hair look golden. Goofus also doesn’t notice his laugh made him feel like he was on a roller coaster: excited and flushed and lightheaded all at once. Goofus definitely does not notice how close Gallant is right now and how, if he wanted to he could just lean over and –
Goofus is so busy not noticing these things that he almost trips on a fire hydrant.
Gallant throws out an arm to steady before he can fall on his face. “Are you alright?” he asks.
“Uh, yeah, I’m fine.”
“That’s good, it would’ve been bad if this walk ended with a skinned knee.”
“Huh?” Goofus notices that they’ve come to his house. “Right. Bye, Gallant.”
“Bye, Goofus! See you on Saturday!” says Gallant as Goofus enters his house.
Well, Goofus thinks. Shit.
Later that night, instead of doing his homework, Goofus thinks about his ill-advised crush.
Goofus had already known he wasn’t exactly straight straight. But Gallant? Really? This was the kid who washed his hands for a full minute, who completes all his homework two days before it’s due, who double checks the bubbling on his tests twice before turning it in, who always smiles at Goofus like he’s glad to see him, who made him feel like there was less air in the room, who was probably the nicest kid he knew, if he's honest.
Goofus realizes that he's fucked.
Goofus was in his house. He had just shown up without warning, knocking like he was trying to break the door down. Gallant – with his parent’s permission, of course –answered the door at about the tenth knock wondering who it could be and why they were so impatient. Before he could say “Hi, Goofus,” or “Welcome in” or even “Please, take your shoes off”, Goofus barged in. Not that his presence was unwelcome – they did have a project to complete, after all – more unexpected than anything else, that’s all. For one thing it was more than half an hour later than they had planned to meet; Gallant was beginning to think Goofus might’ve forgotten. But, late was better than never, he supposed.
“Yo, what’s up.” Goofus said, derailing his train of thought. “You know, this place is exactly as prim as I thought it’d be.”
“Good afternoon, Goofus! Do you mind wiping your feet on the mat?”
Six hours and seven snack breaks later, they still weren’t done.
“Who knew bridges were such a pain in the ass?” Goofus groans.
Gallant doesn’t even flinch at his language, shame, it’s really fun riling him up. “This is taking longer than I thought it would.”
The floor is littered with snapped balsa sticks and sawdust.
This was it, the big day. Their bridge was the next one being tested. Gallant was nervous. Goofus punches him in the shoulder and tells him to stop fidgeting, fondly.
“Don’t worry, nerd. We’re gonna do fine.” Says Goofus. Gallant smiles back and nods.
“Goofus and Gallant,” calls the announcer. “Please come to the testing area.”
It’s holding out surprisingly well. Gallant jumps when it snaps, and Goofus laughs at him.
“Well done.” The teacher says, looking mildly impressed.
“Thanks,” says Goofus.
“We both worked really hard on it.” Says Gallant.
They walk out the school together.
“Do you, uh, want to come to my house? Or the park or something? Now that its over and all.” Goofus says, rubbing his neck.
“Of course, Goofus.” Gallant says, smiling like Goofus had just volunteered at a soup kitchen. “It’s a date.”
And Goofus and Gallant were happy.