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I will always be there for you
He was dead, but that didn’t seem to stop him from standing in front of me, waving awkwardly. And I had thought the day couldn’t become any worse, but it seemed as if fate decided to prove me otherwise.
I hid my face in my hands and groaned. I could already feel a headache forming and on top of it all, I was totally exhausted from the session in the Animus. When I looked back up, the figure was still there, glistering strange in the light of my little bedside lamp.
It wasn’t the first time I saw a ghost from the past moving around the room as if it were the most normal thing in the world, what was new was the fact that the ghost actually seemed to interact with me; if the waving and the curious look was any indicator that is.
The figure looked curiously around my room, but I decided that I have had enough and laid back down onto my makeshift bed. “I think I have gone completely insane now!”, I mumbled to myself and covered my eyes with my arm.”
“We are all insane.”, I flinched because I didn’t expect an answer, nor did I expect the figure to speak perfect English, he was a Syrian after all.
“Great, now the visions are talking to me.”, I grumbled, laid on my side and covered my head with the blanket.
For a few moments there was complete silence and I partly expected that the vision had vanished again, but it seemed as if the world just hated me.
“I am no vision you little prick!”, I pulled the blanket from my head and glared at the figure that had his arms crossed before his chest and was returning my glare.
Altair’s golden eyes looked strange yet so alive in the light and somehow I had the feeling as if he could look right into my soul. I quickly got rid of that thought however, since I knew that he was long since dead and that this was just a vision.
“What do you want anyway?”, I snapped.
The assassin huffed annoyed: “You are the one who brought me here, so how should I know?”
“What the hell are you even talking about?”, I asked and sat back up, completely giving up the hope to find any sleep tonight.
“Have you problems with your ears, boy? I said it was you who brought me here, so I am asking you what I am doing here!”
“I haven’t brought you here! First of all I don’t know how and second of all, why should I bring you of all people here?”
“Listen you son of a hinny, if you are aiming to insult me, do it properly! And you should watch what you are saying, or I’ll reconsider ever having a son!”, the Syrian snapped, clearly angry now.
“Then don’t, you would do me a great favour with it!”, I retorted bitterly.
That seemed to confuse Altair, for he looked stunned and didn’t retort immediately.
“What is that supposed to mean?”, he asked and I noticed that the angry tone in his voice was gone.
“Can’t say that I had a great life so far… besides, it wouldn’t surprise me, if the templars found our little hideout and honestly, I would rather be dead than being in their hands again.”
Altair seemed to ponder about that and I was thinking about returning to sleep, when he once more broke the silence: “Are you lonely?”
“What?”, I asked confused.
“Are you lonely?”, he repeated, “I know that I was.”
I laughed humourlessly at that: “Were you now? What’s with Malik, Maria and your sons? I wouldn’t call that lonely!”
“Stop being so stupid, boy!”, he snapped, but continued with a more civil tone, “I had them, my family and my comrades, but I still felt lonely. Almost as if something in my life was missing, something important. I tried to fill this hole with the help of the apple, but it only created mere illusions and afterwards I always felt worse than before.”
I huffed and turned my head away. I wondered why I was even listening, let alone talking to him, he was only an illusion after all: a pretty realistic one, but still an illusion.
“You do not need to feel lonely, I am always with you after all, and so is that Italian idiot.”
“Is that supposed to be helping me?”
Altair sighed and rubbed his temples with his right hand. “You can deny it as much as you like, but you cannot change anything of the fact that I am a part of you, and so is Ezio.”
I finally looked back at Altair, who wore a serious expression, his eyes searching mine.
Our gazes locked and I found that I couldn’t look away. It was as if I was hypnotized by the golden flicker in the depth of my ancestor’s eyes.
It was then that I realised that tears were forming in my eyes. I quickly averted his gaze then and hid my face in my hands again. Yet I couldn’t stop myself from starting to cry and eventually sob. I felt embarrassed. I was having a break down before another man, my ancestor nonetheless. What would he think of me and when have I decided to treat him as a living person and not as a ghost of the past?
I violently flinched when I felt something touch my shoulder and when I looked up, I found myself face to face with a crouching Altair. He looked at me with a mix of pity, sadness and worry and I decided that I didn’t like that look.
“Listen,”, he started in a rather soft voice, “there is nothing to be ashamed for. A man shows real strength when he shows emotions, I have learned this lesson the hard way, but you do not have to… You are not insane either, Desmond, nor are you alone. I will always be with you, living in you as a memory and staying in your heart as long as you live. The fact that I am here now should be proof enough. You have called me here, your heart and mind subconsciously called out for me and here I am, because you are my child and you always will be!”
I sniffed and nodded at his words, not trusting my voice, even though I had stopped crying like a school girl halfway through his speech. I then felt his arm wrap around me and I was pulled to his chest. I hesitantly returned the embrace, but once I did, I felt warm and safe.
“I am proud of you and of who you are today. I cannot tell what your future holds, no one can, but I know that you will be a great assassin and you will be an even greater person.”
“How can you be proud of me, when all I did, was running away and getting captured by templars, allowing them to see your memories?”
“You have a great heart, you are brave and you have my blood in you. I couldn’t be anything but proud of you, and do not let you be told otherwise; neither from your British friend nor from your father.”
I nodded weakly, my face hidden in his chest, I could smell a mixture of leather, sun and Altair’s own smell and I immediately felt at home with him.
“Should you ever meet your father again, and I am sure that you will sooner or later, don’t let him treat you badly, defend yourself. Because if he is not able to accept you for who you are, then he does not earn the title of a father.”
After that there was a comfortable silence between us. I was processing the words Altair had just told me and the Syrian allowed me to do so.
“You called me your child…”, I started.
“I did indeed.”
“But you also called me son of a hinny…”, I trailed of.
“Careful what you are saying!”, he said, but there was a teasing tone in his voice.
“I haven’t said anything!”, I protested.
“You wanted to call me a hinny!”, Altair laughed and I couldn’t help myself but join in.
At this moment I didn’t care about a single thing in the world. I didn’t care about the assassins, the templars or what my three comrades would say, if they heard me now. They are already thinking that I have lost my mind after all.
I suddenly felt extremely exhausted and I closed my eyes, while I listened to the calming heart beat of my ancestor. I was even too tired to even acknowledge that he had a heart beat to begin with.
“Hey, don’t sleep on me or your back will hurt tomorrow.”, he laughed.
“Don’t care…”, I mumbled drowsily.
“But I care!”
He manoeuvred me back onto my makeshift bed and when I properly laid on it, he covered me with the blanket. When he was about to stand up again, I quickly snatched his wrist and looked at him almost pleadingly.
“Will you stay?”
“Technically I am always with you, but I know what you mean… make room then.”
I happily moved aside and as soon as Altair had laid down as well, I found myself being embraced again. Altair’s presence was enough to lull me into sleep and it wasn’t long after that, that I slept deeply and peacefully, for I knew that there would always be somebody who looks after me.