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Amethyst orbs stayed trained upon the falling snow, the owner of them letting out a discontented sigh. She kneeled in her typical fashion, on a couch in the Watermaple mansion. She faced away from her task, the princess minding her own business. It was apparent to Akatsuki’s friends that she had been heavy of heart and suffering for weeks now. The cause was just as obvious. Ever since Shiroe left to go North, the little assassin had never been the same. Even princess Lenessia was concerned, having become closer to the girl over time.
Akatsuki was making good on Shiroe’s task of keeping the royal safe, though she and the other girls had all figured out he simply set it up for them all to become friends. That kind of plan was just like Shiroe. She would always follow his orders, always come to his beck and call, but she missed him.
God she missed him.
She was fortunate enough to have seen him when they both had died at the same time, though the encounter was… mystical, if nothing else. She came to understand some things through her demise, and the moment they shared on the shore of the lake of memories felt more akin to Shizuka talking to Shiroe, rather than Akatsuki. And she got the sense that, sitting next to her, illuminated by the pale blue water, was whoever Shiroe was in the previous world.
Even though she saw him there, even though they shared a warm moment, even though she resolved to do more to deal with the serial killings, she missed him. She needed to hear his voice more, to hear him encourage her and say he was happy to have her by his side. But she wasn’t there. She was useless to him right now, and to earn his acknowledgement, she needed to do more. Strive for more. Then, maybe, she could compare to Minori.
Ugh. Why am I thinking about her right now? She didn’t do anything to deserve my hostility…
She let out another long and heavy breath, then sat on the couch properly, looking away from the window. Her eyes met the princess’s, and Akatsuki quickly found her lap more interesting. Despite them becoming friends, their interactions tended to remain awkward.
She heard Lenessia intake a breath, obviously preparing to speak before Akatsuki yelped in surprise at the notification sound that blared out. Someone was calling her.
She vanished in a flash of pink, and reappeared in the privacy of an empty room.
She accepted the call, pressing her index and middle finger to her ear, and a voice came through immediately.
“Akatsuki?”
It was Shiroe.
—-----
The strategist’s tired eyes saw only darkness as he cradled his head in his hands, staring down at the table where he set up his command tent. The raid was not going well. The party of 24 had taken countless defeats. When it was still a game, this would be no more than a test of patience, and the adventurers in a high level party like this would have no problem. However, many subscribed to the rumor that you lose your memories of the previous world every time you died, and that instilled fear. For Shiroe, he knew this rumor to be the truth, and each time a raid team participant died under his watch, his chest weighed heavier with guilt. But, each time, he pushed past it, and helped uplift the team, pushing them to try again.
On one of the previous attempts, Shiroe had died. He had been overconfident. He wasn’t ready for the experience, and the feeling of his entire body being reduced to ashes in seconds. Though, at least he had learned some valuable info on the other side. It gave him a whole new perspective, and he instantly understood why you can’t tell people what it’s like. Death in this world was an experience in itself, and you learn from it. It was so simple, but actually witnessing it was enlightening.
Regardless, he had returned with new ideas, and progress was being made; However, the group was already dozens of attempts into the raid boss fight without even fully grasping the moveset. Shiroe was putting the most possible effort forward, honing himself to see the battle in 45 second intervals, and be aware of the combattants stats to a margin of 0.5%. He hadn’t even managed this when it was a game, and he could feel the mental strain taking its toll. At this moment, hunched over the table, he was battling a massive migraine. He always had them even in the previous world, but these last couple days, each and every one of them was excruciating, and he was literally losing HP. The healers couldn’t cure it, only top off the lost health.
Naotsugu learned to leave him alone, but gave him some parting words on this night.
“Y’know, Marielle gets those a lot. Says she feels better talking to me, even if the sound hurts a lot. Something about liking my voice?”
Shiroe had waved the advice off with his hand, but now seriously considered it. Any sound and light felt like he was being burned alive again. But it was like that now, even without noise or a slight glow. He was desperate.
MIght as well…
He thought about who’s voice he might like to hear most right now. Maybe Henrietta? The way she spoke in his ear when they danced was nice, but maybe too stimulating. Marie? No, she’s far too excitable for his current state.
For some reason, Akatsuki came to mind without him trying to think about her. He hadn’t forgotten the moment they shared at the lake of memories. He felt like Kei Shirogane for the first time since the apocalypse, and Akatsuki felt more like herself. It was tender, intimate almost. He thought about it daily. He navigated his friends’ menu, and started a telepathy link with Akatsuki.
—---
“Akatsuki?” he called out tentatively.
The girl squeaked a bit, unsure how she was supposed to act. She wondered if her pining summoned him or something… Was this a random encounter? Her hand reached for her blade by habit.
“Hello?” he repeated, Shiroe’s voice noticeably full of weakness.
Her concern at this tone overrode her flustered state.
“M-my lord! Is everything alright?”
He let out a long sigh, “It’s been….” He wanted to say it was all okay. To reassure her things will work out the way they always do. But he couldn’t, not right now. “It’s been hard, Akatsuki. I miss all of you, and things aren’t going well on my end.”
The little ninja took a moment to respond to him, never having been in this situation before. Shiroe never showed this side. She had seen him get frustrated plenty in his office, of course, but this was far different. His voice was audibly trembling, and she heard the pain in his words. It seemed cruel she couldn’t be there with him, to soothe him, to hold him, to cradle him in her arms. She wanted to slice any problem that faced him in half with her blade.
But she wasn’t there. And that hurt more than when she died.
“Shiroe…” She began. “I don’t know what you’re going through. It’s probably something no one besides you could even begin to wrap their mind around. I know you’re sitting at a command table, with the weight of the world on your shoulders. But, I’m here, even if I’m not. You once praised me for always being by your side, and I intend for it to stay that way. Everyone here wants you to be happy, too. It’s okay to take it easy sometimes.”
She said it all practically in one breath and found herself struggling for air after she finished talking.
The enhancer didn’t reply for a time. It stewed Akatsuki’s nerves, but Shiroe simply was trying to clear his head. Her words reached him, he just did not have the power to reply.
“Please,” he asked, voice hoarse, “keep talking, and don’t stop.”
Her mouth was agape for a moment, but eventually, she smiled. No one asked her to just… talk. As Shizuka, no one took her seriously. She was just that short woman who was fun to poke fun at. The guild was different. Log Horizon was her family. And at the center of that family was Shiroe. She was head over heels for him and nothing would stop those feelings, likely not even if he outright rejected her. She wanted to be by his side forever.
Her lord wanted her to talk? She was happy to oblige. She talked about her daily life with the princess, got caught up in her emotions talking about her own death, her plan to take down the serial killer, and eventually settled on talking about Shiro. She spoke about the things she admired about him, the things she thought were funny, and the things she had come to fall for (though she didn’t mention the falling for him part).
The whole while, Shiroe simply listened, forehead to the table, smiling. The searing pain in his head had receded to a dull throb, and he was able to give Akatsuki his complete and total focus. Normally, he would try to shy away from the praise, but he realized what a crime it would be to trample upon the assassin's sincerity.
Eventually, she ran out of things to talk about and sighed. She fumbled around with the waist of her oversized pants, nervous of the silence. She thought maybe she had said too much. She had poured her heart out, after all. She hoped Shiroe would one day bear his heart for her to see.
Finally, the villain in glasses broke the silence.
“I miss you, Akatsuki. I’ll hurry back, so talk to me like this again when I return. Please.”
The breath in her chest was lost, and her eyes wide. He was asking her to spend time with him again. She couldn’t help the hope rising in her chest. She was ecstatic.
“Of course, my lord.”
And they both ended the call smiling.