Chapter Text
Second Movement: Declarations
CE 73: September, Space
"Are you coming out too, Lexi?" Shiho asked, Yzak watching the brunette leave his side to try and grab the FAITH member just entering the hangar. Lexi didn't often come out to Armory One, so he found himself staring, silently wondering why she happened to be around that day.
It was slow in Hangar 16, work on the Chaos had been ahead of schedule, the greyed suit awaiting its coat of paint. Actually, everyone in the hangar was awaiting that very decision, Yzak having been standing there most of the morning trying to decide on it. Picking out the color of a mobile suit seemed to be the most trivial of his decisions that week and yet it was turning out the be the hardest. Finn Leblanc, the projected pilot of the suit, had been sitting, bored, next to Yzak the whole time, currently facing backwards in his chair and balancing his chin on the headrest as his brown locks bounced along with his bouncing knee.
Occasionally, the young pilot would offer up a color and Yzak would snort in response. While he might find the decision trivial, Yzak still wasn't going to color a mobile suit puce.
"What's that?" the redhead asked, eyes moving from the clipboard in her hand to Shiho who had met her halfway. They began walking back towards him as Shiho continued talking and Yzak's attention shifted to his fellow pilot. He wasn't quite sure what her angle was with this because while he had been avoiding her questions regarding Lexi's personal life, he knew the two of them had unofficially met back when he and Lexi were still dating. Admitting to that wasn't what bothered him the most, however, not even sure if he wanted to allow Lexi back into his world after work just yet, but it didn't look as if Shiho was giving him a choice.
"We all go out at least once a month," Shiho explained, curbing their path over towards Yzak. "And that time is tonight. You're on the team now; did you wanna join?"
Yzak gave only a slight nod in greeting when Lexi arrived, quickly returning back to the paint swatches in his hand. He didn't want to sway her decision. If she wanted to come out, she could, he decided, he just knew he wouldn't be 100 percent comfortable with it. Her being on the "team," per se, might have been more of a formality than an actuality, but if Shiho wanted to make a big deal about it, he was going to stay out of it.
"I dunno, I'm not really on the team and this is your guys' thing," Lexi began slowly, her voice growing louder as he felt her look over his shoulder at what was buying all of his attention. "Think of me more like an annoying relative. I use your stuff, might leave for long periods of time, and then come back when you least want me to. Not really someone you want to go out drinking with."
Yzak smirked at the analogy.
"Oh, come on," Shiho pressed. "None of us really know you and I wouldn't mind if you put some of the rumors to rest."
"Rumors?" the redhead's voice tilted away from him, no doubt piqued at the prospect of rumors. After having been trying to avoid such things for nearly two years, he could hear the worry laced between her query, but not even Yzak could offer much comfort. He had been determined to avoid them himself, but for selfish reasons.
"There are many female pilots of note from the war," Shiho continued, "but we're all accounted for save for a couple. And only one of those from ZAFT made FAITH, not including you, someone from Orb."
He heard Lexi sigh and walk a few paces away. It was a frustrated sigh, not the one of relief he had been expecting since Shiho's response made him think Lexi had been able to keep herself successfully hidden. As expected, she was more annoyed by the attention than anything and he watched her scratch at the bruises and dry skin beneath the collar of her red uniform. He turned away quickly.
Not his problem.
"I'd rather there not be rumors circulating, but I'll deal with those on another night, I think. I have some other things to attend to tonight; you guys have fun."
"Come on," Shiho begged and Yzak found his eyes drawn over to her by the noise. If things were going to go according to what they had planned, Shiho was going to go to his place that evening. If she wanted Lexi to come out with them so the redhead could catch onto that, he wanted no part of it. Then again, he had never known her to be that vindictive or possessive, so what was her game?
She caught his stare, but her face gave nothing away. His narrowed eyes tried to convey his sentiment, but she broke the standoff and went back to Lexi. "You're the first female I've met in FAITH and I wouldn't mind showing up the guys a little tonight."
If the redhead noticed their exchange, she didn't say anything though she was intrigued by Shiho's response. "What type of night out is this? Showing up the guys?"
"She just wants to hear you brag a little," Yzak explained. "Nothing but drinks, I promise." The last thing his paperwork stack needed was a Lexi Rymyr who thought they were having an impromptu fist fight.
"Not really sure my war stories are very interesting." She trailed off but was restarted again by an indignant rebuttal from Shiho. Lexi clicked her tongue in annoyance. "Fine, if you need a little ammunition to make some guys sweat—sure. You're being very insistent."
"Insistent about what?" Dearka asked, Yzak's greencoated best friend stretching as he passed by the girls to stand at the young commander's side. The blond took one look at Yzak's clipboard, made a short statement of, "Still?" before returning to Lexi to get his answer.
"Apparently, I've been roped into coming out with you guys tonight."
"Oh?"
Yzak chose to not look anywhere but at his paint swatches. Their gazes were obvious, the weight of them bearing into the side of his head while he flipped the booklet to the orange family of colors. Somehow everyone in that room seemed keen on seeing his reaction and it was starting to tick him off. Lexi could do what she wanted. Yzak would decide how unhappy he would be about it as soon as he had to deal with it.
"I'm hoping her stories will bring a little excitement to our drinks." Shiho's perfume hit his nose first, the redcoat leaning over his left side. Reaching out, her fingernail landed on the corner of a green swatch hidden beneath the orange and she pulled it into view.
"Hah! Seriously?" Dearka barked. "Consider yourself warned then. Lexi, just keep them tame, would ya?" The blond stepped forward next, finger tapping at a darker green to compliment Shiho's suggestion.
"What? My war stories aren't that interesting," Lexi lied. That was always going be a lie and she waved them off.
Yzak couldn't help it after that, shaking his head and smiling at the color assistance as he wrote down the patch numbers. "Just know you owe us a round if you come out," he said to Lexi and she paused for him to continue. "Hey, high-ranking officer joins the team? Only seems appropriate, don't you think?"
Lexi scoffed, but didn't argue, reaching in between the other two and dropping a nail on one of the orange swabs. "You're welcome," she said with a wink and he snorted through any feeling that bubbled up his chest.
Finn just groaned out a triumphant, "Finally!"
"Stop looking at her," Dearka said into his drink, elbowing him hard at the same time.
"I'm not," Yzak hissed, returning the gesture and taking pleasure in seeing Dearka spill a little bit of beer onto his shirt. "It's just weird, is all."
"It's déjà vu."
Lexi was over by the bar talking to some of the female members of the team, Shiho included though the brunette seemed to a step back from the others. They were all dressed up for a night out, the other girls and Shiho sassier in their dressy attire than Lexi's jeans and loose-fitting shirt, but they were all out of uniform. The guys were just as comfy, but while they had managed to change, Yzak was still half in uniform. Even Alec Kumar had come out that evening and he was sprouting a shirt and jacket, nursing a strong, clear alcohol that he had simply named as "spirit." Yzak had learned a long time ago to not question his ship captain.
"Why is it déjà vu?" Kumar asked, fingers tapping against the glass as he sat to Yzak's right. The older man had opted to keep his head uncovered that evening, his shaved scalp a stark contrast to his pale commander in more than one way. He had been complaining he needed a holiday, his darker skin paling with the lack of real sunshine but most of the people who heard these complaints assumed it was just an excuse for him to grumble. The man rarely sat down, let alone took a day off.
"I feel like there's a history here I should be aware of," Kumar continued, "especially me being your superior and all." Joking, yes, but his words held a bit of truth and Dearka's eyes shifted to Yzak. The young commander felt them, his mind already rearranging the sentences in his mind to come up with a suitable response.
"She was on our team in the war," was what he settled on and Kumar hummed.
"Ah, so she's the field agent Le Creuset managed to snag."
"Field agent turned pilot," Dearka added and Yzak nodded. It was as good as truthful as anything.
"An Orb princess though?"
"Cousin to," Yzak corrected. "Might not seem like a difference to us, but it means a lot when it comes to ZAFT and paperwork."
"I bet," Kumar continued, twisting his glass against the table. He was quiet and Yzak let him, returning to the girls when another bout of laughter rose above the general mull of the bar.
It was odd to see Lexi as the center of attention. When they had been dating, her alias was unknown so he often took the role from her and she seemed fine to be in his shadow. He didn't know much about her outings in Orb, but he imagined she held a similar sentiment. Her popularity now was because she was the new one, but also because no one really knew anything about her and having an Orbite in ZAFT, let alone in FAITH, was definitely interesting.
"So, which one of you had a crush on her?" Kumar asked suddenly and both Yzak and Dearka coughed into their drinks. Thankfully, they were saved from having to cobble together an answer, the other, male members of their team sparking up a debate at witnessing the female laughter themselves.
"Rymyr's a diplomat name, I thought—from Orb. What's she FAITH for?" Finn was the one who had asked and Yzak chose to sip at his drink instead of responding. He planned on staying out of the conversation as much as he could despite the responsibility probably landing on his plate to clear the air. Lexi could handle her own personal information and given what he had been through over the past year, he knew better than to share anything she didn't want as public knowledge. Always best to let her handle it.
And it gave him a reason to not get involved.
The Joule pilot team comprised Dearka Elsman, Shiho Hannenfluss, Silas Anukirun, and Kaeya Weston as veterans with Miles Tardiff, Finn Leblanc, and Brin Duguay as new cadets straight out of the academy, or soon-to-be out.
Silas was both the quietest of the team as well as the oldest. Hailing from the Republic of East Asia, his skin looked particularly healthy that night, having both been at least one more drink in over the others and having just returned from a much-needed holiday to introduce his firstborn to his family. In fact, he looked almost ragged, his time on Earth sparing him from any formal haircut and his black locks were scraggly, the pilot having to brush them behind his ears as they often fell over his dark eyes.
Kaeya Weston was basically Shiho's male counterpart, the two of them often finding camaraderie in the strangest of situations, but while she often gave an older sister vibe, Kaeya would take the role as the younger, annoying brother. It was all for show, however, Kaeya able to pull the clutch in any mission as needed. His antics were a mask for his insecurity around his missing left ear as were his ever-changing hair colors. That week, he wore a familiar shade of light green, Dearka and Yzak both being hit with nostalgia over a certain teammate who sprouted similar locks in the war.
Miles and Finn came from higher society, their clothing combinations always containing a level of thought that proved they often got scolded for their clothes being out of sorts. That evening they wore similar attire, white, button-up shirts and some darker slacks. The only difference was where the sandy-blonde haired Finn kept his collar buttoned up, the brunette Miles had undone the top, revealing the touch of a white shirt underneath.
Brin was the shortest of the team and always looked a stark contrast to the other two cadets, her mahogany hair long and often pulled up in a knot at the back of her head. That evening she had let her hair fall down, but it was clearly on her mind, the younger pilot always in some manner of braiding and unbraiding her locks.
"No, I looked into it," Miles began, leaning forward on the table to insert his point. "Her parents were the diplomats—part of the Athha family. I know nothing about her personally, but she has to have some skills if she's FAITH, don't you think? I mean the Chairman doesn't just deal with anyone."
"Maybe he's trying to get in bed with Orb," Kaeya responded, shrugging as he took a drink and leaned back in his chair.
"Don't," Dearka hissed, Yzak feeling his hard stare on the side of his head. They were far enough removed from the group that no one else seemed to hear the remark, but Kumar did slow his drink to his lips as he eavesdropped. "It's not your problem."
"I know," Yzak replied and shrugged. "I wasn't about to make it my problem."
Miles continued on with the conversation, unaware of the tension at the other table and merely keen to continue the topic. "I heard a rumor she's actually Lunar Eclipse."
Neither Dearka nor Yzak could avoid that comment though, both caught mid-drink and coughed into their hands, waving off the attention when it finally turned their way. Kumar's eyes seemed to groan as they rolled at the response and he made some snide remark at their expense when they were final able to compose themselves. The other table, however, wasn't deterred for long.
"You could always ask her," Finn said simply, but he immediately blushed when the other two gave him a funny look. "What?"
"Tell me, do you often walk up to people and ask if they're dead war heroes?" Kaeya shook his head.
"We could always ask her something personal and see if the information matches up," Miles suggested.
"I ain't asking her shit. I don't care who she is, that woman is far too intimidating to not be a legitimate FAITH member," the last one of their group, Silas, finally spoke up, his tone surprising all at the table and even the officers at the other.
"Intimidating? The only thing scary about her is how strong she makes tea." Miles snorted, taking a quiet moment as if thinking of other examples until finally he shook his head. "She's the least intimidating high-ranking officer I've ever met."
Silas didn't seem convinced and his mannerisms said as much. After finishing the alcohol in his glass, he leaned back, the empty cup dragging across the tabletop and creating a sound much like the frown on his lips. "Fine, don't believe me? Then you talk to her."
"Okay, I will."
Miles's confidence was admirable, but Dearka and Yzak exchanged a side glance over the brims of their drinks when he called her over. They couldn't deny they were curious, but there weren't many places this conversation could go other than South. She did come when called though, her casual attire giving weight to Miles's claims of her being unintimidating, but perhaps there were some bears not meant to be poked.
"What's up?" the redhead asked, resting her palms on the table as she leaned in to hear.
"You were in the Bloody Valentine War, right?"
"Who wasn't?" she replied and Miles continued.
"Pilot or field?"
Lexi thought about it for a second, but ended up shrugging. "Both, but field mostly."
"What's the strangest thing you've used to kill someone then?" Finn asked, leaning over Miles to grab her attention.
His enthusiasm was a surprise and Lexi cocked an eyebrow before eventually laughing off the comment. "What type of a question is that?"
"You promised us war stories, right?" Shiho chided from behind and Yzak's eyes roamed to her, missing Lexi's sigh, but he did see Shiho's smirk.
"I also said I'd keep them tame," the redhead said, her gaze finding Dearka that time and the blond shrugged. Yzak saw his shoulders move as he returned from watching Shiho and he only caught Lexi's attention for a second before Miles dove into similar reasoning to Shiho.
"C'mon, brag a little. You are FAITH after all. Or are you going to tell us you're FAITH because the Chairman likes you?"
Lexi went quiet and it wasn't lost on anyone in the group. Her body seemed to still with the silence, muscles tensing as her wrists braced her weight against the table. "The Chairman has different reasons for the FAITH members he chose," she started slowly, the words strained as they left her tongue. "While the late Chairman Zala chose talented pilots, Chairman Durandal has high-ranking intelligence officers and even medics in his team. All confidants in their own right," she finished, her body straightening at the final word.
"And what are you to him then?" Finn asked, sounding curious, but if he understood the weight of his words, he might realize how venomous they sounded.
"Cocktail umbrella," she finally replied, ignoring Finn's newest question and answering his previous one instead. When no one really reacted, she continued. "Through the eye." She pointed at her left one and made an upward gesture. "The stem is just long enough to reach the brain with the least amount of resistance."
Yzak and Dearka snorted through a laugh, the reaction to that comment by their teammates too amusing. Miles and Fin visibly paled while Silas shook his ahead and Kaeya snorted into his drink.
"Why so quiet?" Lexi eventually said, the moment of silence amid the hum of the busy bar lasting just long enough for a smug smirk to grace her own lips. "Was that not a satisfactory enough answer for you?"
Finn didn't answer verbally, but he did nod, his lips flipping into more of a contemplative silence as he tried to imagine her answer, no doubt.
After Miles's initial shock, however, he bounced back quickly, knocking his elbows on the table to get in his next question.
"You had a MS then? Where is it?"
"Yes; it's space debris."
"When?"
"Jachin Due."
"Favorite mobile suite model then?" Kaeya asked. "Everyone has a favorite."
Lexi smiled. "BuCUE."
The table found that interesting and Dearka eventually chimed in on the fun. "Land or space then, Lexi? Which do you prefer?"
"Honestly?" Lexi began after a moment or two, tapping her chin as she thought. The others in the team seemed to be waiting on her with bated breath and Yzak's eyes found each of them as he also waited. It was still strange to have her on the team and yet she had fit in so well it seemed almost absurd. Was this really the same Lunar Eclipse who had joined his team over a year ago? No wonder no one recognized her as the operative.
"Well, we all know gravity is a pain in the ass," she began eventually, Yzak mid-drink as his attention returned to her, "but there's more chance for cover on Earth." Finally, she shrugged without really coming to a conclusion and turned the question around to the veterans, Dearka responding quickly.
"Space, hands down."
"Hands down," Yzak chimed in too.
Lexi made a soft scoff, her arms crossing as more of the girls group started venturing over. "Well, you two never did figure out how to use the terrain to your advantage, so makes sense."
There were a few snorts into drinks at that comment, all lighter than the slam of Dearka's mug onto the table in protest and subsequent taunt. "Hey, at least our suits didn't become space debris."
"Fine, I'll give you that," she said with a laugh, but Yzak turned away before her attention could focus on him. He knew very well what had happened to her suit.
"Do you know of the ZAFT operative, Lunar Eclipse?" Miles eventually asked and the others went silent, their laughs drowning into their drinks as Yzak noted Miles was quite far into his.
"I do," Lexi said.
"Rumor has it she's resurfaced though why a war hero like that hasn't reclaimed her name to fame is beyond me." Miles was blabbering that phrase, his words tumbling out in a rush. "Based on her record—hell—even I want to claim the name."
"I didn't take you as someone who believes everything they read," the redhead began, her words chosen with a layer or two of ice.
"But surely your exploits are memorable," Miles continued, outright naming Lexi even though his wording was lost on only him. "I would assume that's why the Chairman wants you in FAITH."
Lexi played it well, Yzak had to admit, though he would have believed her rebuttal if he didn't know her tells. Her tongue traced over the front of her teeth and the young commander sighed.
She cocked her head to the side. "You seem keen on interrogating me, Miles. Why? If you think I'm Eclipse, why be so coy?" It, honestly, wasn't that sharp of a question, but Lexi had begun leaning forward, her upper body towering over the younger officer as the others at the table abandoned him, leaning back and away from the eventual confrontation.
"So, you're admitting to it," he continued.
"I'm admitting nothing," she concluded, but everyone else who cared had already caught on. She had used the shorthand of her old name and only Miles seemed to be the one in the dark. He opened his mouth as if to continue his personal burial, but Kumar set his glass down on the table, the careful clink an icepick into the silence.
"You're a bit too buddy buddy with our standoffish of a commander here," the older man said, nodding his head over at Yzak who frowned. "The only ones who can treat him the way you do are old comrades and everyone knows who made up the Le Creuset team."
Lexi's attention turned from the younger officer, Kumar now taking the brunt of the challenge imprinted in her eyes. Yzak did see him shiver, but he hid it well under a shrug.
"Not everyone knows," she corrected and straightened, the temperature rising a couple degrees amid the Joule team as the tension eased. "Only those who cared to know."
It was a serious moment that only Lexi seemed to understand and Yzak saw the others begin looking at each other as her sour mood continued. While he didn't necessarily care how she navigated the conversation, he had enough sympathy to not want her at the center of a Joule team inquiry. He opened his mouth to say something—anything, but she actually broke the tension first.
"And how dare you, Captain. The Commander is the nicest whitecoat I know." She smiled and then winked, Yzak covering any reaction with an obvious eyeroll and wave of his hand as the tables seemed to settle back down into the general conversation of the evening. Lexi abandoned them all to go to the bar and Kumar shivered again to Yzak's right.
"That's enough for me, I think," he muttered, downing the rest of his alcohol. "Remind me to never step in again."
Dearka and even Yzak laughed as they waved him out, but Shiho was quick to take his spot.
"So that's the Lunar Eclipse, huh?" she said, sliding into the chair and then up close to him. "Or Lexi, I should say, since she seems to go by that nowadays."
"Yeah, what's up with that?" Dearka asked. "How did all this get out?'
"Oh, apparently, they declassified the name a few months ago, and there's been a womanhunt, so to speak, trying to figure out who she is." She nodded over to the other table. "Miles in particular has been obsessed with figuring it out mainly because he was the one of the academy brats who had stumbled across the existent, non-existent name in an old record."
"So he thought he'd interrogate her—a FAITH member and possible field operative?" Dearka shook his head. "Idiot."
Shiho shrugged and cocked her head. "But you guys already knew who she was, I'm assuming, based on the fact that you didn't even flinch at the allegations and you've been staring at her all evening." That accusation, she pointed at Yzak and Dearka took one glance his commander's way before throwing up his hands.
"I'm outta here," the blond muttered and grabbed his glass before Yzak could beg him to help with defense.
The commander watched his friend's abandonment a few steps before eventually looking at his only remaining tablemate. "It's still a bit weird to see her again, is all."
"If I recall," Shiho began, her hand slinking across to grab Yzak's glass and take a big gulp. He watched the liquid slip past her lips, her throat swallowing with a few drinks before she finally set the mug back onto the table and licking her lips. "It's been, what, little over four months?" Yzak's face crumpled quickly and she shrugged. "Oh, come on. You think I wouldn't recognize her? If I recall, you even called her 'Lexi' at the time, for fuck's sake."
Yzak scoffed and grabbed his drink back from her grip.
"Aw, don't be like that," she continued, putting her elbow on the table and resting her head on an upraised hand. "I don't blame you, really. She's pretty cool."
"Complicated, is the word you're looking for." Shiho arched an eyebrow and he laughed. "Complicated is what she is. And I'm really not a fan of complicated."
"Oh?"
He took a drink and smiled, eventually offering a shrug as well as his emotions eased down into something a little less tense. "You're far less complicated."
She returned the smile and laughed, holding out her hand for his beer. He gave a hint of a smile then and actually handed it over. She took a drink.
Lexi saw the scene no matter how much she hadn't wanted to. She might have fled to the bar, but Yzak and Shiho were still in plain sight and as luck would have it, she found herself looking in Yzak's direction. Okay, truth be told, she had found herself looking at him quite a bit that evening.
Sighing, she forced on a smile and twisted on the chair, striking up a drink order with the bartender the moment Dearka took the seat next to her.
"Please don't take out any frustrations on the youngins. I know they're annoying, but we kinda need them." He held up his beer and she knocked hers against it as soon as the bartender slid it in front of her.
"Sorry, not an easy topic to traverse. Hopefully I didn't leave any scarring."
"Nah, should be alright." He didn't miss her quick glance over her shoulder at Yzak and Shiho and put his drink back down, fully turning to slide both elbows up onto the counter. "Not sure what you expected."
"Time, I guess," she admitted, following his example and putting both elbows up as well. "Didn't expect something so soon."
The blond's shoulders bobbed. "I don't know how serious it is; he hasn't even told me about it."
"Really? I assumed you two were the guy version of gossiping high school girls in the bathroom."
He knew she was joking, but rolled his eyes anyway and she winced when his booted toe connected with her shin.
"Ow!" she hissed and exaggerated the movement of rubbing the spot. "Sorry for the jab, geez."
"That's not why I kicked you and you know it."
"What do you mean?" He said nothing, but his eyes locked on hers, unblinking as she gradually started feeling uncomfortable and shifted her gaze elsewhere.
"I'm not upset if that's what you're worried about," she said softly into her drink and he snorted. "Okay, I'm not upset much. I admit I didn't expect to have to see it." And that was truthful at least for many reasons. One, Yzak didn't often show affection in public and two… Her mind wandered a bit, trying to recall their ranks and the officer ladder on the team. "That's dangerous for them, isn't it?"
"Not really because she's technically not assigned to a team. We're a bit low on veteran redcoats nowadays so they're all kinda being shuffled around. She's been stationed around the Joule team for months now though along with Kaeya and Silas primarily because our team is one of the first on call to an altercation."
"That's… complicated."
Dearka shrugged. "A matter of perspective, I think, and—hey—you wanted on the team, so you get the team and all its wonderfully juicy drama."
She gave a sad chuckle as her eyes found the bottles resting on the back wall. Yeah, she had brought this drama onto herself and she resisted the urge to look back and see if the two of them were still leaning into each other or had snuck off to do other things. She had no right to be jealous and yet she felt the emotion all the same. The little snicker in the back of her mind wasn't helping matters either.
Dearka must have recognized her struggle because he brought his arm around her shoulders pulling her into a side hug. It was a familiar feeling and she felt more, genuine happiness in her next chuckle.
"What about you?" she asked eventually, Dearka removing his arm as she spoke. "Anyone new in your life?"
"Nah," he responded quickly and she frowned. "Don't. I don't need to hear it from you too."
"It was a while ago now, Dearka."
"So?" His shoulders tensed and he grabbed his beer, holding it near his lips for a moment before taking a drink. "Just not ready yet."
"Can I give you some advice?"
"Nope, not with the way you still look at Yzak." He winked despite the tension and then laughed at her scowl a moment later. "I'm not about to take advice from someone who won't take their own."
What could she say against that? Nothing, in all honesty, and she grumbled as she grabbed her own glass and took a drink. "Fine."
"Lunar Eclipse though, huh?" the blond began instead. "Man, I haven't heard that name in years."
"Can you believe they made her a war hero? Heine let me see the full report and I feel like I should be wearing a nunnery robe or something."
"Her? You dolt, that was you."
Lexi laughed and took another big swig as she recalled the fabrications she had read in what was deemed the "true" operative, Lunar Eclipse. "Have you actually looked at the history they made? Either I was hallucinating pretty good during that war or they made it up and I'm betting on the latter." She shook her head with a laugh. "It's so fake I almost puked. I think I saved an orphanage once."
"How does someone 'save an orphanage'?"
Lexi shrugged. "Involves a lot of skills I definitely don't have."
"You gonna use it though? There'd be less of a complicated story to tell than Lexi Rymyr, that's for sure."
Her nod was slow as she thought on his words, knowing he spoke the truth, but perhaps there was one thing Dearka hadn't really understood about her. Lexi had stopped being Lunar Eclipse a long time ago. "Maybe if I need to use it I will," she said instead of admitting her true thoughts, "but I'm trying for something new this time around and keeping my name. Sick of aliases, I think."
He laughed and she joined him, the two of them clinking their beers together. "If I went back to Eclipse though, you guys wouldn't get so much flak for letting me on the team."
"I don't get any flak," Dearka stressed. "It was Yzak's decision. He wants to be top dog? Fine, he can handle the politics."
Lexi smiled, her lips light with memory. "Yeah, it was what he wanted." Her mind drifted back to whatever scene was unfolding behind her and she sighed. If that girl got him closer to what he wanted, who was she to say anything?
Who was she at all anymore other than Durandal's FAITH?
"So, how long you plan on staying?" the blond asked.
"Hm?"
"On the team. You can, technically, leave whenever you want and with history being history..."
He trailed off and she, not really having an answer for him and said as much. "I'll be in and out, but it's nice to know there's somewhere I can come back to."
"Well, that'll do for now," was his response and he put down his empty glass. "And I'm glad you're here. Just wasn't the same without you."
She smiled. It was definitely nice to be back.
"Hey, wait, wasn't Lexi supposed to order a round?" Yzak chimed up loudly to her left, joining the two of them a second later before Dearka could finish his order with the bartender. The young commander leaned back against the bar on the other side of Dearka, clearly enjoying himself and the mischievous twinkle in his eyes displaying more than Lexi might have liked, including a disheveled collar.
She pushed down her disappointment and arched an eyebrow. "Wait, that was real?"
"You know I don't bluff about these things." He got the bartender's attention and said as much. The bartender looked to Lexi for confirmation and she rolled her eyes, but otherwise nodded.
"The round is on me."
"Welcome to the team, Lexi," Yzak said a moment later and winked. She shook her head and avoided Dearka's knowing elbow to her side as she hid away any further expressions safely behind the brim of her drink.
Yzak was returning from a routine physical, his health of keen interest to both High Command and to himself. He would get a more detailed report in a few days, but he found himself occupied by what was on the paper in front of him as he wove around the various personnel at the medical branch on Armory One. He was in good health, if not a little stressed and, despite that obvious diagnosis, he decided he wouldn't let his mother know that the source of his stress might be the return of a rather familiar redhead.
Most of his team had checkups on the same day, Yzak already having seen Silas and Kumar. The night out had been almost a week ago, but even the young commander recognized the change in his team. Lexi's admittance—even if not in so many words—was, for some reason, a breath of fresh air for those around him. Miles was overjoyed to have solved his personal mystery, but Yzak assumed it was just the general knowledge of knowing where the rest of your teammates stand when things get rough. Even he found himself feeling more relaxed, though the numbers on his stress test would prove otherwise.
Yzak turned right at the next corner, keen to find the elevator down to the exit and back to Hangar 16 where more updates on the Chaos were waiting for him. Finn was there already, but Yzak didn't like to leave the pilot there on his own for long despite the suit being his.
The carpet shifted under his boots as he turned, the material as new as the base itself and even the fresh scent of "new" still lingered in the air. The walls had yet to gather the grime of daily routine and dust, but despite how clean and peaceful it seemed, one shattering glass against a wall brought Yzak's feet to a halt.
"It's supposed to help, Miss Rymyr," someone, presumably a doctor, said behind the door up and to Yzak's right. There were probably two more doors including that one between him and the elevator and his eyes slowly followed the line of the carpet up to the down arrow on the wall.
"Yes, yes, I get that," Lexi said, her voice softer than the first one and he tensed when he heard the inarguable sound of retching followed by a coughing spree. "You say that for everything you give me. The mantra is getting old."
"Well, the other pills are helping with your headaches, right?"
"No." Her voice paused and he heard her retch again.
His feet still hadn't moved, the whitecoat standing there with a paper in one hand and his eyes vacant on the carpet as his ears listened in on the conversation behind the door. He could go in; he had the authority. Perhaps if the conversation involved more shouting and fighting than just frustration, he would have more right to, but there was nothing stopping him from opening the door.
"Not your problem, Yzak," Dearka's voice reminded him and even she had uttered similar words when she had arrived. Maybe not much of a reason, but it did keep him away from the door handle.
Even if it wasn't enough to have him walk down to the elevator.
"We'll up the dosage then and see if that will help."
"See if that will help? You've been telling me for two days that all I had to do was wait for the medicine to start working. I fuckin' did and I haven't slept in 72 hours!"
One of the men sighed. "I'm sorry, Miss Rymyr, but these things take time. Your body doesn't react to medication the same way others do."
"So you keep fuckin' telling me!"
"Please calm down, Miss Rymyr. I know this is frustrating—"
"Do you? Do you really?" she snarled and Yzak tensed, his fingers curling over the piece of paper. There was an audible crash as more things fell to the floor and he did reach for the handle but stopped short, turning instead to lean against the wall near the door. That sound was enough to give anyone the right to walk through that door, let alone the commanding officer on Lexi's team, but still he stayed. Eavesdropping seemed to be the only thing he could do and, as pathetic as that was, he didn't have the strength to change it.
Yzak sighed and rested his head back against the wall as more items seemed to be loudly shuffling around the room. Deep down, he knew she wasn't his problem and, frankly, he wasn't sure if he wanted to go through that whole complicated episode of his life all over again. Or, at least that was what he kept convincing himself of. In the end, he had wished he had done things differently and then maybe she wouldn't have been so scared that she had left. He cursed, thinking back on four months ago, apparently the time Lexi realized she was getting worse. He had etched that moment into his mind and her face when he had told her what the Berserker had done to him tore at his heart every time.
That was the beginning of the end.
"Enough, Miss Rymyr. I'd rather we didn't use force."
"Fine, fine! Just—just stay away from me."
Yzak closed his eyes and released a slow breath.
The throwing items shifted to rustling papers and one of the doctors spoke again. "I've been looking at your notes and you haven't had an episode in almost three weeks."
"What of it?"
"That's not healthy, Miss Rymyr."
While Yzak had never really understood the severity of Lexi's situation, he knew enough to get the irony and would have laughed, but Lexi did it for him. "Healthy? Is that what we're calling it now?"
"If you recall, you had been suppressing it for over a year previously and then your situation plummeted. If you do that again, we can't guarantee you'll come back, so, yes, Miss Rymyr, the more episodes the better. It also might help you relieve your headaches."
Yzak heard another shaky laugh before, finally, reconciling. "Fine. I'll deal with it later then."
"Good."
No, she wasn't his problem now, he knew, but there was one thing people kept conveniently forgetting. If he had had it his way—if Yzak had never spoken to the Berserker, she was going to be his problem.
That's what he had wanted.
"Did you need a controlled environment?" a doctor asked.
"I said I'll deal with it."
"Very well," a new timbre said, a deep feminine voice. "The Chairman says he wants to see you tomorrow."
"Fine."
"He also says there's a possibility you might be staying a few days and he wants you to bring your Orb uniform."
"Why?"
"I don't know any details, but he would like for you to make a formal appearance."
Yzak frowned. He had many opinions on why Lexi might have been made FAITH and despite the Chairman being the leader of his PLANT homeland, the whole thing tasted sour in his mouth.
"I've barely been on my feet and I haven't been to Orb for months. I'd really rather not be seen in uniform."
Months? he thought, that amount of time seemingly much longer than his personal timeline had displayed. She had fled back to Orb when they had broken up and he had just assumed she stayed there. Where else would she have gone? he asked himself slowly, his mind circling but avoiding the obvious answer of: back to ZAFT.
"Take it up with him. I'm just giving you the message," the voices carried on as the shiver continued its course back down his spine. It's quite possible Lexi had been with ZAFT for months.
"Fine," Lexi spat, her voice seeming closer behind the door. "Anything else?"
"This." A pill bottle rattled.
"What is it?"
"It'll help you sleep."
She sighed then and Yzak did the same. "I really hope so."
"Not your problem, Yzak," Dearka's words repeated in his head and his feet finally decided they could walk again, the young commander finishing his trail towards the elevator.
His finger was above the "down" button when the door opened behind him, Lexi stepping out into the hallway. She hadn't noticed him, but he turned to watch her lean back against the wall near the door and slowly sink to the floor, her forehead ending up on her knees with her elbows wrapped around tightly.
His finger returned to his side and he even took a step towards her, but stopped. He had to really think about what he wanted to do. If he went over there, what would happen? He would get sucked into whatever emotional hurricane she was the eye of, that's what. He was so close to the life he wanted, he knew. So close to getting over her and moving on with someone else. So close to the career he had always wanted. And still, standing there, he was so close to dropping it all.
"I'm not your problem," she had said in his office.
But no one had ever asked him if he wanted her to be.
Footsteps sounded in the other direction before Yzak really saw who it was. The commander's attention was still on Lexi, but when the steps faltered, he looked up in surprise to see Heine approaching the redhead. The two of them locked gazes for a moment, but Heine quickly changed attention to his fellow FAITH. Yzak saw a light smile curl up his lips as the redcoat bent down, knees brushing his jacket just beneath the familiar FAITH pin before they touched the carpet in front of Lexi.
"Hey, you," the singer said and Yzak watched Lexi's face shift from distress to a gentle happiness that clenched something in his chest. Yzak might as well have not even been there given the small world those two just created around them. It told him a lot and his finger rose back up to press the elevator button.
"What are you doing here?" Lexi asked and Yzak's finger stopped again.
"I'm going with you to see the Chairman," Heine replied. "And this was the first place they told me to look for you."
"Not a hard guess," she said with a scoff. "I'm always in the medical bay at one place or another."
Heine made no immediate reply, though Yzak did hear the smile in his voice and the commander turned back to look. A smile had surprised him. The ease at which they could joke about Lexi's predicament actually made him a bit jealous.
"How's things on the Joule team?"
She paused and Yzak tensed, suddenly not wanting to hear anything she had to say. He was fairly certain their drama was always on display and he really didn't want Heine to know about it, especially since the last time he really talked to the singer, Heine had told him not to screw it up. His finger finally pushed the elevator button.
"They're fine. More or less what I was expecting."
"You're sure? I'm not gonna lie, Lexi, you look a lot worse than when I saw you last."
"You just caught me on a bad day; I haven't been sleeping. Don't," she started and Yzak heard Heine shift as he tensed. "It's my fault, understand? Nothing other than a shift in medications, I think."
"Right…"
"Please don't, Heine."
"I'm just saying there are plenty of other teams. You don't have to keep punishing yourself."
"I'm not."
"Hey, I hear the gossip too you know."
Yzak didn't dare look back after that, feeling Heine's eyes attention firmly on him. Bold of the redcoat to speak about all this when he knew he could hear, but Yzak had nothing to defend with, so he just pressed the down button again, waiting for the elevator to finally arrive at his floor.
"Just stop, Heine. I'd rather be around friends and Yzak has enough military clout to not need any of the favors offered by Durandal anyway. He's probably not even aware of what they are."
That was interesting; she was right. Yzak had no idea and he found himself even wondering what bit of paper it was in. He had let her on the team without it.
"With Lunar Eclipse joining his team anyway and Dearka there too—well, a lot of people like the optics. Reminiscent of better times, I guess."
He gave an abrupt laugh. "Hah, right. Better times. But—fine—I'll stop arguing with you about it."
She sighed. "Thank you. I'd lie if I said it was easy, but I'm happy in my own way."
"You're such a masochist," he said with a laugh and Lexi replied with a weaker one.
"I guess so."
"Everything with you is so complicated, isn't it?"
Yzak tensed, knowing he had said similarly when she had arrived in front of his desk. Yzak had been exhausted by the fact though, especially at the time, but Heine's version was almost comical. He even laughed after the statement and Yzak felt his chest get heavy and his face start to flush.
"Yeah, but you don't mind 'complicated.'"
"No, you got me there. You definitely make my life more interesting."
The elevator door dinged as it opened and he quickly rushed inside before Lexi could turn and see it was him. The door closed and he leaned back against the safety railing, eyes finding the ceiling. He had no right to be jealous—no right to be anything other than happy to see his ex move on. That's what he was doing, after all. Moving on… Perhaps that was something more easily done if there was closure. Yzak had to stop that train of thought, shaking his head to physically force it away. Lexi had a lot of personal drama going on right then and he was able to stay out of it. It was what those around him wanted and, hell, it was what she wanted.
"Complicated," he said aloud. No part of that phrase was wrong, but his gut did clench each time it came up as a reason.
His hands gripped and ungripped the safety railing, fingers squeezing the metal tightly and releasing in almost a therapeutic repetition.
The elevator door dinged again as his mind wandered, the young commander only realizing in that moment that he had forgotten to choose a floor. Apparently, the elevator hadn't moved and he tensed upon seeing who had shown up in the doorway. Heine's attention found Yzak instantly, the older redcoat tensing upon seeing someone in the elevator, but his muscles did eventually relax upon recognizing the young commander. On his back, Lexi was sleeping, Yzak assuming she had finally passed out during their conversation on the floor. She looked peaceful despite her pale complexion and no matter what airs she sprouted in front of him and his team, she looked skinnier than he remembered—barely healthy. For a brief moment, her state made him angry, Yzak almost reaching out to grab her instinctively, but he squeezed his palms against the railing to hold in any emotion. No matter what Lexi had done to him in the past, he still didn't like to see her so vulnerable. It just didn't seem right.
"You going down?" Heine asked, the singer walking into the elevator and turning to his left to look at the unlit number panel. An eyebrow raised in suspicion and Yzak felt the blush rush to his cheeks. He suddenly felt very awkward, and debated bluffing, saying he had just made it to this floor. Lying, however, wasn't his forte and after the range of emotions passed across his face, he eventually nodded, reaching forward and past once of Lexi's dangling feet to press the button for the ground floor.
"Same floor?" he asked and Heine nodded.
The room jolted for a moment before eventually descending, Heine turning and standing next to Yzak, Lexi's head now turned near the young commander's ear. The tension was thick and Yzak felt every breath of it, Lexi's sleeping a low undercurrent to the elevator's movements. Still, Yzak didn't move to release the tension. Hell, he didn't really know how.
"Not nice to eavesdrop," Heine said as they passed another floor, the singer having the stronger constitution in the end.
"Was just passing by," Yzak admitted, but even if it wasn't a lie, it was a weak definition for what actually happened. Heine didn't call him out on it, however, the FAITH member shrugging and repositioning Lexi at the same time. The redhead stirred, but didn't awake, Yzak's attention sliding over to her when she made a sleepy noise.
"Where is she staying?" Heine asked and Yzak's attention almost physically jumped back to him. He had been staring and he clicked his tongue, not happy Heine had seen him doing as such.
"From what I recall, she's in Block B of mess; in a private room, ground floor."
"Thanks," Heine said. "Do you mind navigating?"
Yzak sighed and the elevator dinged open. "I can show you the way, yes. It's within walking distance." They made it to the lobby of the medical building in silence, both weaving through the steady stream of officers coming in for their own physical exams. Some looked at the trio oddly, but most wandered on their way, Heine only having to wave off one concerned nurse when she asked about Lexi.
The three walked past a wheelchair bay and Yzak stopped to draw attention to it, but either Heine didn't hear his call, or ignored it because the older officer just kept walking forward and out the automatic doors.
Withholding an annoyed sigh, Yzak followed quickly after, retaking point as leader once they had reached the sidewalk.
The medical building was situated just off base, the high walls blocking off the military portion of Armory One visible in front of them as soon as they turned onto the main road. To their backs, the daily workings of the satellite continued, office buildings stretching high into the interior with highways and trams stretching in between them. While ZAFT had built the satellite primarily for military reasons, there were still office buildings, shopping districts, among others taking up a large portion of the space. Many people worked there full time and them, along with their families, needed places to stay and things to do. The purpose was always obvious, however, military vehicles a common traveler on the city streets and the high walls of the base seen from every corner of the satellite.
They walked a few paces in awkward silence, the two so used to mobile suit presence nearby that neither flinched when a ZAKU walked down the nearby street, sirens escorting it through the gate and to one of the hangars beyond.
"I admit I didn't expect you to agree," Heine said at last, his voice carrying over the waning sirens.
"To what?"
"Letting her on your team."
Yzak shrugged, slowing down so the two walked a little more in step. "No reason not to."
"That's a lie," Heine said quickly and Yzak gave a soft snort. "There's plenty of reasons not to."
"She looked like she needed my help and so, here we are."
"Another lie."
He sighed loudly and stopped, the FAITH member stopping beside him. "Fine, then you tell me why I did it since you seem to know."
Heine gave a similar, defeated exhale and stopped a step in front of Yzak, turning his back to the street to face the young commander. "Look. It's not easy right now for you or her. I get it. Especially when you stumble upon her at her worst and now that, I assume, you know what's actually going on."
"You mean her condition—what she was keeping from me?"
"It's a bit more serious than a 'condition.'"
"She said the Chairman is keeping her alive. I admit I don't know any more details beyond that or understand why she's here and not in Orb."
Heine's face fell, the descent gradual as his features turned grave. There was something Yzak didn't know and it seemed to be beyond Lexi's earlier declaration of being away from that country for months. The singer said nothing, but Yzak spoke up this time, tired of the secrets.
"Why'd she come here, Heine?"
"Orb didn't want to help her."
"Surely that's a lie," he replied instinctively, his body tensing with the frustration of hearing such a line. "She's a prized member of a royal family and her brother would never—"
"Orb can't help her anymore," Heine cut in and the line was so final Yzak's anger rose again. What was he, a child? Someone to be held at arm's length despite what he and Lexi had had at the time?
He opened his mouth to argue further, but Heine cut in again.
"The whole thing actually got blown out of proportion, so I'm a bit surprised you hadn't heard about it. If you're curious, please look it up yourself," Heine added, turning back towards the main gate and beginning their trek to Lexi's temporary residence. "I'd rather not relive it. Though, I advise you stay out of it."
"So everyone keeps telling me," Yzak spat, his words harsh as he hurried to catch up to Heine once more.
"Then start believing them." Yzak clicked his tongue in annoyance and Heine stopped, twisting and fixing the whitecoat with a hard stare. "I mean it. Don't confuse pity with love."
"Pity?" he echoed, Yzak's body physically rocking with surprise. "You think I pity her?"
"Don't you? I mean, for the past month or so you've never even had a five-minute conversation with her and now you're eavesdropping?" Heine shrugged and Lexi bobbed with the movement, her head stirring only slightly. "You either have to be all in or all out and, sorry to say, since that night, you've been all out."
That stung. "What do you mean? I tried to fix us! She left me. She forced me out. I didn't want to go anywhere!"
The singer sighed and shifted the redhead once more, the street nearby buzzing with traffic now that the mobile suit was safely behind the gate. Yzak had been so engrossed in the conversation he hadn't heard the alarms for the opening of the gate. The closing alarm, however, was a knife into the tension and the young commander's fingers curled up into his palms.
"Do you remember what you said that night?" Heine asked eventually, his attention softening on Lexi, but looking weary when it landed on Yzak again. "Remember what you had said to her after you explained she went berserk?"
Yzak's mind reeled, falling back to the night he had chosen to forget. That point in time had been the beginning of the end and his face physically retracted, no doubt his emotions raw for that split second before he regained composure. "I told her we were going to figure it out."
"You had said the moment didn't matter," Heine explained, his voice suddenly sounding tired. "You said it wasn't a big deal—you weren't scared." He opened his mouth to argue that it was all still true, but Heine didn't let him, shaking his head. "That's the problem. It is a big deal; it does matter. Because it is her, Yzak."
"That's not fair. Neither of us understood the gravity at the time—"
"Lexi knew very well what her other half was capable of—what it could've done to you."
"But it didn't—for fuck's sake; do I need to explain this to you too?" He cursed again and stomped his foot against the concrete, ignoring the numbing tingling up his shin as he walked a small circle. "It didn't do anything, only talked."
"It manipulated you."
"It might've tried, but—"
"You were scared and fake bravado just doesn't work against—"
"I wasn't scared," Yzak argued and even barred his teeth to accent the comment.
"You were scared—and rightly so, mind you."
"I wasn't—"
"She saw it, you know?" Heine added, leaning forward and startling any further fight from him. "She saw your fear—your disgust. And even if that's the right response," he continued, "there was too much risk. You hadn't wanted to fight the problem head on—it was too complicated to tackle then and you wanted to just forget about it—to figure out a way to ignore the Berserker even as it was threatening your life."
Yzak hadn't known the Berserker had been doing anything—hell he hadn't even known Lexi could talk to it. He hadn't even understood what it was until that evening and Yzak felt his anger returning. "You're insinuating a lot about me," he began, teeth clenching around the words. "And the big thing is, Heine, she never gave me the chance."
"You had never wanted to know," he countered and the truth stung once more. That line was truer than the others and he thought of his rise through ZAFT, the comfortable assurance that Lexi was just there for him and that feeling coming to a peak after the trial when he realized he might want to keep her around longer term. But never once within that time had he thought of leaving ZAFT. Their relationship, as it was, wasn't complicated. They cared for each other, but let the other have the career they wanted—had the life they had wanted at the time.
The night he had confessed he loved her, it had turned complicated, and the night the Berserker showed had compounded on that complication. But despite all that, the one thing Yzak wouldn't let Heine hold over his head was Yzak's dismissal.
"I tried to make it work," he said quietly, attention having moved to his feet without him realizing. "I wanted to make it work."
"She ran to people who could make it work—or so she thought." It was an ambiguous statement and Yzak wasn't sure if Heine was talking about himself or ZAFT. The young commander had glanced up just as Heine's eyes clouded over in memory and Yzak felt his curiosity rise. Did this have to do with whatever happened with Orb?
Heine didn't elaborate any further, however, turning and leading them back down towards the gate. Yzak hesitated, but eventually followed. They might not be having an enjoyable conversation, but it was informative despite the heavy lump in his chest.
"For what it's worth," the singer began eventually, the two of them stopping to wait in a line that had formed at the checkpoint. "I don't think you screwed up, per se, I just don't think you're in a position to give her the help she needs."
The phrase harkened back to the last time Heine and Yzak had sat down together, the singer telling him not to "screw up" with Lexi. The statement probably didn't seem like much, but it did lighten the lump in Yzak's chest a little bit. It was a small ounce of validation from someone who seemed to judge Yzak even more harshly than the Desert Tiger.
They shuffled through the checkpoint with little resistance despite the sleeping redhead and Yzak motioned over to the right, a taller building just off the wall with the signage for mess hall. The Joule team, and often with Lexi accompanying them, visited Armory One quite frequently, but they didn't often spend a lot of time at base. Because the Voltaire was usually getting updates and repairs while it was in port, the team members all stayed at the living quarters erected on site. They were set to depart in a couple of days, but given what Yzak eavesdropped in on, Lexi had her own mission she was about to depart on.
His eyes found the sleeping redhead at that thought, her hair brushing idly against her face as Heine kept a steady pace beside him. Either Heine didn't mind carrying her, or she had, indeed, lost a lot of weight. While the walk wasn't long, dead weight was heavy and Heine was only slightly out of breath. Back then they were dating, she was bright, flushed, had more energy than he could sometimes deal with and an overall contrast to what he was looking at now. For a second time, the anger hit him as he felt the whole situation to just be wrong. He would have to take a closer look at the medical personnel who had been assigned to her. He wanted to see their credentials, maybe speak to them, maybe—
"Don't do this, Yzak."
"Do what?"
His head nodded towards him in general and the whitecoat frowned. "Don't get sucked back in unless you intend to stay. There's a lot involved and remember who else you hold responsibilities for. Lexi doesn't need a hero, she needs support."
"Everyone's so keen on telling me what to do, yet no one is just giving me all the facts and letting me choose. What if I wanted to support her, huh?"
"Then you have some research to do," was the simple reply, the two of them stopping just in front of the main doors to mess. Heine drifted off to the side to let a few officers through and Yzak followed. "But I can't guarantee your outlook on things won't change and certain relationships might deteriorate entirely." It was yet another pointed remark among many and Yzak's anger bubbled. He didn't enjoy being patronized, but was starting to realize his preferred ignorance might be the reason he was truly angry.
"She's my problem because I want her to be my problem," Heine continued as he began their walk into the building. He stopped quickly, however, clarifying her room number with Yzak before adding one, final sentiment for the commander to mull over. "I don't want her to die so I won't let her, and I don't care how many Berserkers I face. If you can't honestly say that, Yzak, then you're in the way and she doesn't have the time for you to figure it out."
Heine said his farewells and Yzak watched him leave, Lexi still sound asleep against his shoulder. Research then—he had research to do and he fled as soon as the two were out of sight, heading to the Voltaire and his quarters.
The door closed behind him as he fled inside, avoiding as many people as possible on his way. Luckily, the ship was getting some repairs that day and everyone else was staying ashore. That meant he should be left alone, even if the sound of mechanics working outside the ship would normally cause a headache on a good day. Still, he couldn't be choosy and valued privacy more than silence.
It took a moment for his console to boot up, the young commander sliding into his seat and squaring up to the screen. His mind wandered as he waited, eyes finding the assorted paperwork on his desk, but not focusing on any of it, knowing he needed to sort it, but not finding the energy just yet. Perhaps once Lexi stopped invading his conscience, he could focus on something else, but until then, he was to remain in a constant state of annoyance and emergence. Heine had piqued his curiosity and he had to know what the older pilot was alluding to, even if he hated himself for allowing Lexi's drama back into his life.
Like Heine had said, it wasn't hard to find information on the trial and since the event was, indeed, blown up, there was enough information for Yzak to feel that lump rise in his throat.
Lathan Rymyr and Dr. Erica Simmons have been charged to be in violation of their oaths to both their professions and the Nation of Orb, Yzak read, breath leaving slowly from between his lips. The trial will take place in a fortnight and we expect a swift resolution.
He scanned the article further to see what the actual charge was and only found one mention of it, this particular media outlet still loyal enough to the five houses to not completely jump down the conspiracy rabbit holes that many of the other outlets did. Yzak did a quick scan of everything he could find, became repulsed by some and was just outright skeptical of most. Still, what each article did stress was drug experimentation on Lexi and Namarra.
Experimentation.
Had Lexi actually asked them to do that to her? Was she that desperate? That scared? Her, the one who nearly panicked every time they had even passed by a hospital walked willingly into that situation? Because the Berserker came out that one night?
Yzak's head fell into his hands as he stared down at the keyboard, digesting new information from a time of his life he thought he had finally gotten over. Lexi had run from him and straight to people who could help, Heine had said. People who wanted to help. According to what he had read, those people had risked a lot to help.
The guilt rose almost immediately despite the sinking feeling in his gut. She hadn't asked him for help, in fact, she fled whatever safety he had thought their relationship had garnered. But maybe, that was the thing. Despite their feelings, she was never safe with him and that, perhaps, hurt the worst. Sitting at that desk, the one he had gained while they were dating—the seat she had supported him in obtaining—it all just felt sickening. He was climbing up the ladder of his career while she was dying and even if he kept telling himself he shouldn't feel guilty because he didn't know, it was small solace. Lexi held some fault too, yes, but he could've asked. They had been together for over a year and yet he never thought to talk to her until it was too late.
Cowardice?
Negligence?
Or just convenience?
He clicked his tongue in annoyance and ruffled the papers on his desk in an act of frustration. It helped, but only a little, and he turned to his second task, returning to the computer and looking up her name in the system. He had the rank to view her file and his eyes scanned it slowly, looking for the moment she had returned to ZAFT. He had been assuming it was some time after the incident in Orb, but instead he saw there was merely weeks before she ran back to the military—back to the Chairman. He grumbled through a curse as he read.
Codename Lunar Eclipse has been declassified and file updated. Returning pilot and special class elite, Lexi Rymyr, has reclaimed the name and is currently assigned under the direct care and supervision of the Office of the Chairman.
That had been four months ago and she had only been on his team for a month. He did another quick search for any other mention of her name and the next time anything popped up was when she had been given the title of FAITH. That had been only two days before he had seen her. The next entry was her official transfer to his team.
Three months.
There were three months where she was here and he had no idea. No one had any idea. There is no record of it other than "under the direct care and supervision of the Office of the Chairman." Had Namarra known? Had anyone in Orb known? No doubt they would have tried to stop her. Or did she just go on her own?
Yzak could have done something; he could have been there. Instead, those months were a blur, Yzak finding other things and individuals to fill his moments and cursing Lexi's name every moment he could. Lexi had made a drastic choice and Yzak had been wallowing in his willful ignorance.
Growling, the young commander pushed off the edge of his desk, his chair leaning back with the force and his keyboard rattling with the force. There she was again, in his head. There was her smile, her laugh, the faint memory of her touch. It was back again in a rush and he cursed it. If he had known all of this before, would it have changed anything? Lexi left him; that history was set in stone, but maybe if he had only tried harder…
He sighed, his hands covering his face as his mind waded through past regrets. Lexi had been so scared of herself that she had willingly become a lab rat again and despite all of his talk, despite any declarations, he had let all that happen to her.
I didn't know, he reminded himself, trying not to spiral down into the pool of guilt he was currently beginning to drown in. She could have said she was dying. She could have opened up as easily as he could have asked and yet… and yet…
Complicated, his thoughts whispered and, at the end of the day, that was it. He hadn't wanted complication.
His head fell onto his forearms, pushing some of his overflowing paperwork onto the floor.
I didn't know…