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The case was finished, the team had had their celebratory round of drinks, and like usual, even though they hadn’t for a while ever since all the arguing, Danny and Steve wound up at the house.
They’d cracked open a couple of beers and Danny had convinced Steve to watch a documentary about squids and Steve…felt…restless.
Like something was incomplete.
“If you need to pee, could you please just go and do it? I’m trying to watch here.” Danny frowned at him.
“What?”
“Your leg.”
Steve looked down, realising that he’d been unconsciously jogging his leg.
“Oh, uh. Nah, nah I’m good.”
Danny doubted that very much. “Something you want to talk about? I know it’s not about the case. That was cut and dry, everyone made it out in one piece, you did good, I did good, hell the whole team was like a well oiled machine—so what’s up?”
Steve did his best to ignore the little burst of warmth in his chest at ‘you did good’ feeling stupid and like an idiot. He didn’t need Danny to tell him that. He knew that.
Danny watched him searchingly.
“It’s nothing, Danny, forget it.”
“It’s not nothing, Steve.” Danny told him more sharply than he intended. “What happened to all that ‘open line of communication’ stuff the therapist was on about, huh? Look, I appreciate that doesn’t mean you have to tell me everything, but if this is bothering you, thus bothering me, I think I should—” He broke off as Steve suddenly slipped from the couch and knelt down beside Danny’s knees, face red as he glared unhappily at Danny.
“…oh.”
Danny didn’t know what to say.
“Look, I said this was nothing, all right?” Steve started to get up, feeling ashamed and humiliated at having put himself in such a vulnerable position simply because he felt restless.
“Stay.”
Steve sunk back down, tense.
“Hands behind your back.”
Complying instantly, Steve let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding.
“Come a little closer.”
Steve shuffled on his knees, Danny’s hand coming to rest on the back of his neck.
He sighed raggedly, head tipping forward and resting on Danny’s thigh.
Danny still couldn’t believe just how relaxed Steve got from this, but more than that, he couldn’t believe Steve had suddenly wanted this out of the blue and had screwed up enough courage to show Danny what he wanted when he couldn’t say it.
Was this progress?
His thumb stroked back and forth against the bottom of his skull.
Steve went boneless, hands slipping from their hold.
“Hands.”
Steve clasped them back together but they slipped apart again when Steve got too relaxed, Steve getting a tearfully frustrated look as he tried for the third time.
When his hands slipped again, Danny had him straighten up.
“I want you to go and find something soft for me to tie your wrists together.” He ordered gently, waiting to hear Steve’s safeword. It never came.
Steve quickly got up, legs shaky after so long in the same position and hurried upstairs.
He returned with a silk tie that Danny solemnly took and used to carefully bind Steve’s wrists together. Not tight enough to hurt, just enough to keep his hands behind his back.
A hand at his shoulders sent Steve down on his knees again and then they both retook their previous positions, Danny resting his hand on his neck and Steve all but melting into a puddle against his leg.
Focusing back on the documentary and not the fact that if someone walked in they would assume they were doing something kinky, Danny waited until the documentary ended before taking away his hand and gently rubbing Steve’s back.
“Babe? Time to get up.”
Steve slowly came to himself again, smiling dopily at Danny.
“Let me get your hands.”
Steve obediently did as he asked, Danny worriedly examining his wrists and chafing them.
“Do they feel okay?”
Steve nodded, still looking sleepy.
“You sure?”
Another nod.
“Okay, come on.” He helped Steve up to his feet, taking him by the arm to lead him upstairs and starting to get a little worried. Steve usually was out of it for a bit after the whole submissive thing, but it usually didn’t last this long.
When they got upstairs, Steve just stood there, looking at him with that soft, open look that he got when being submissive. But he was standing now, and his hands were free, so…
Danny took a breath.
“Steve, get ready for bed.” Still no safeword, Steve just quietly set off to do as requested, shoulders relaxed and dopey expression still in place. Danny didn’t know if he was more surprised or worried. Should he be worried? Did Steve just need…more? He’d seemed fine with just the kneeling thing…and the case really hadn’t been that bad. Was something else going on?
Sticking out his lower lip in thought, Danny jumped a little when Steve came back, now just in sleep pants.
“Good boy.” Danny said automatically, flushing a little after the fact. That damn therapist saying to praise him…
Steve flushed too but he stood a little straighter, expression pleased.
“Into bed.” Danny ordered. Again, Steve followed his order without so much as a blink of an eye, Danny wondering what he was supposed to do now. The therapist had made it clear that if Steve got into this submissive state, he wasn’t to be left alone.
So…
Danny sat down by Steve’s hip, wondering if he should be encouraging the man to stay like this or to try and bring him out or whatever.
What else had that therapist said? Physical contact was good?
Finding Steve’s hand, he intertwined their fingers, squeezing gently. “You good?”
Steve nodded, eyes blinking sleepily.
“Tired?”
Another nod, because Steve was apparently non-verbal for some reason. Definitely something he was going to have to bring up at their next therapy session.
“Okay…close your eyes again, all right? Go to sleep.”
Danny waited until he was sure Steve was out completely before gently taking his hand back and tucking him in all the way, hand briefly smoothing back his hair before he straightened up and left the room.
He felt antsy being away from Steve long, even knowing the man wouldn’t know that he’d left, and so he kept finding himself returning to his room just to check on him.
Around two hours later, Steve finally started to stir and blinked unfocusedly up at the ceiling.
…
…
Shit.
Face flushing, his relaxed and calm demeanor from brief moments before all but disappearing under mortification, Steve ran his hands down his heated face and hoped that Danny had left—
“Oh, you’re up.”
Shit.
“Uh, yeah. Yeah, I’m up.” Steve mumbled, pushing himself up into a sitting position and not looking over at where Danny was standing in the doorway.
“How do you feel?”
“…okay.”
“Hm. So not, embarrassed out of hell and wishing I would just go away?”
That got Steve to look at him, an embarrassed flush still high in his cheekbones and contrasting with the annoyed look he turned on Danny who looked—worried. And he was not expecting that. Anger, annoyance, amusement—but not…worried.
“We should talk. You wanna do it here or downstairs with a couple more beers?”
“It’s the middle of the night, Danny.”
“So here?”
Steve worked his jaw, looking away. “Downstairs.”
“Uh-huh.” Danny paused and then left, Steve left to wonder how the hell he could salvage whatever the hell it was that he’d done and failing pretty goddamn spectacularly.
After he’d stalled for as long as possible, he sighed and got out of bed.
Danny was sitting on the couch, his beer already opened, another random nature documentary on the tv that was just a low murmur in the background.
Grabbing the beer left unopened on the coffee table, Steve twisted it open and took a drink before sitting stiffly down in the armchair adjacent to Danny.
When it became obvious he wasn’t going to be the one to start the conversation, Danny cleared his throat and set down his beer.
“So. That…was new.”
Steve didn’t know what to say to that so he just gave a short nod.
Silence.
“Wanna tell me what brought it all on?” Danny prodded gently.
Silence.
“Steve.” And there was a bit of a warning edge that told Steve that he was starting to wear on Danny’s patience, Steve using a nail to pick at the label on his beer as he shrugged.
“I don’t know. I just…” He huffed and set his beer down, hand running down his face before he propped his elbows onto his knees. “I felt—there was this, like—it—” Getting annoyed at himself, he jumped to his feet and started to pace in front of the tv. “I just felt restless all right? Like that feeling you get when you know you forgot something but you don’t know what it is. And then you kept pushing and suddenly I was down on my knees and I just thought ‘this, this was the thing that was missing’ and I just—I needed it, Danny.” He finished, face hot and tone uneven because this was unprecedented. They never did any of the dom/sub things unless ordered to by their therapist. And Danny had even tied his hands—and that had felt right. And after, Danny telling him what to do while he felt like he could float away, that was right too, and—yeah, Steve might be freaking out about it right now.
“You…needed it.” Danny mused over the words and continued to watch as Steve fretfully moved from one end of the living room to the other. “Okay. So. Why did you need it? The case was easy, a cakewalk—”
“It didn’t have anything to do with the case. I just—I needed it.” Steve didn’t know how to explain in any way that didn’t make him seem weird and clingy. “Look, I know I’m being crazy right now—”
“Babe, you are not being crazy.” Danny told him immediately. “Communication, remember? You and I have that now. I’m glad you can talk to me about this.”
“I don’t even know what the hell ‘this’ is, Danny!” Steve burst out, stopping in his pacing to finally look over at Danny. “We don’t do this—”
“The therapist said that if we wanted to do more of, you know, this, we could. She just gave us a rough guide to work with.” Danny pointed out, feeling his neck heat up a bit at the implication that they should do more of this. It wasn’t as though he minded, per se, but…it was starting to worry him just how far down the rabbit hole he was willing to go to keep Steve with him. “And the whole kneeling thing isn’t what I wanted to talk about anyway, technically we do that every Tuesday and Thursday. No, what I want to talk about is what happened after. You didn’t—come back to yourself for a while, Steve.”
Steve put a hand on his hip, the other rubbing his jaw as he looked away with a frown. “I don’t know. I just felt all—” safe, relaxed, content, “I don’t know. It was like…I just gave up control. Like all control. And I knew you were there and would,” take care of me, “handle things and I just—floated, man.”
Danny thought about this and then slowly nodded. “Floated. Okay.”
Looking down, face burning, Steve crossed his arms tightly across his chest and shrugged a shoulder. “I know it sounds stupid, but that’s the only way to describe it, man.”
“Hey.” Danny frowned at him. “Would you stop it already? None of this is stupid. We started this whole thing to communicate better and—and express our needs better and that is exactly what is happening, so that’s good, all right? This is good.” He told Steve firmly, not wanting the man to put back up those walls he’d finally broken through. “Hey. Look at me, Steve.”
The quiet, serious tone was enough to get Steve’s eyes moving from the floor to Danny, some of the panic and worry he felt about this strange new level to their—their thing, showing on his face.
“Danny—I don’t know what’s happening to me.” He said in a hoarse whisper.
Torn, wanting to go to his friend yet knowing that that wasn’t what he needed right now, Danny finally made a decision.
“Come here, Steve.”
He saw Steve’s eyes flicker at the order, his shoulders relaxing just a smidge as he dropped his arms to his sides. A hesitation, something inside warring with something else, and then he slowly made his way over to Danny.
Carefully, Danny reached out and tugged on Steve’s hand, the man responding instantly and dropping down to his knees, some of the panic replaced with the calmness that usually came when they did—this.
“Steve—what we are doing, here and in the therapist’s office, all of that, is to strengthen our relationship.” Almost word for word what the therapist told them. But now Danny actually kinda believed it. “I know that this is all suddenly moving fast, babe. I know that.” He squeezed his hand, Steve gripping back tightly. “And when we go in for our next session, we can talk to the therapist and get some things cleared up, okay? We, you and me, are going to figure this out together.” He took a breath. “What we did today, I know it’s not exactly what, you know, we do, but I want you to know if you need it again—I’m here, babe, whatever you need. I—” Danny hesitated suddenly feeling vulnerable, but he forged ahead. “I like being able to give you what you need, Steve.”
Steve stared at him, Danny’s face flushed, and then his eyes crinkled warmly and he squeezed Danny’s hand.
If this had been any other situation that didn’t have so much weighing on it, Danny might’ve rolled his eyes and given a huff, said something snarky too maybe, but for here and now—there was only one thing he wanted to do.
Steve willingly let Danny pull him up enough to hug him, returning the embrace in kind and letting himself finally relax.
One of the things that had freaked him out the most was the thought of all his weirdness with the kneeling and everything finally being too much for Danny to handle, and if he lost Danny—he hugged Danny tighter. He couldn’t lose Danny. So hearing that this whole new facet to their relationship wasn’t one-sided like he thought—it meant a lot.
“Love you, Danny.” He mumbled against his shoulder, feeling oddly sentimental about saying the words that used to tumble out so easily before all the arguing that hit a little too close to home and the rift that steadily grew between them.
Danny felt the same way and he had to clear his throat before answering, arms holding Steve closer. “Love you too, babe.”