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Soyeon leans her head back against the window and lets out a silent exhale. Tugging her mask down, she takes a lazy sip of her iced americano.
She watches the tall buildings pass by behind the other train passengers, attempting to immerse herself in true relaxation. It was her off-day from the company, after all. She should be enjoying herself. The extra content she'll be shooting for her farmcow.y Instagram account to upload later would just be a bonus.
Ironic, isn't it? For a girlgroup literally named IDLE, she and her members are sure as hell nothing like it. What with the endless work crammed into their schedules constantly pushing the 5 women until just the edge of exhaustion at best, and to the point of serious hospitalization at worst. It's a miracle they even have these tiny pockets of time to themselves these days.
Perhaps the poor timing of their comeback was a blessing in disguise after all?
Soyeon remembers she's supposed to be relaxing and urgently shakes those thoughts away. It doesn't matter, right? The songs they've poured their blood, sweat, and tears for are currently topping the nation's charts, so she should have nothing to worry about for now.
But gods know a well-deserved vacation was long overdue for all the group's hardwork over the past year. If it were up to her, Soyeon would take all 4 of her best friends to her trip to Bali happening soon.
"Seongsu station," the conductor's voice rings through the train's speakers, pulling the leader away from her thoughts.
Adjusting her beanie and facemask, Soyeon stands up and readies to get off at her stop. She'll worry about that stuff some other time.
For now, Soyeon is going to enjoy her little day trip to the best salted bread shop in town.
As expected, the best salted bread shop in town has quite the long line.
But Soyeon doesn't mind. The first time she came here, she had to wait 10 minutes just to get to the front. Hell, the longest she has waited in line for something was 3 entire hours, so it isn't really much of an issue for someone who has her level of patience. Besides, she could just pass the time by scrolling through her phone anyway.
She steps up to the machine on the wall to place her order, takes her receipt to stuff into her pocket, and walks to the very end of the line. She takes another sip of her iced coffee as she reaches for her phone in her other pocket, when an unavoidable wave of floral perfume suddenly wafts through her nose.
Memories of a woman, smelling of blood red roses, immediately flash in her mind's eye. A woman she was once very close to, who she considered her rock in the beginning of her career in the industry, who had a tragedy strike her only 3 years ago. A woman who she misses very much, and has since prayed to the gods that they would finally reunite some day.
"Soo... jin...?"
The girl in front of her, clad in a matching blue beanie and coat, turns around to face her. The mole under her left eye is unmistakable. Soyeon's heart stops.
"Um, hello," Soojin dips her head in a polite bow and lets out an awkward chuckle.
Soyeon leans in closer to take in the sight of the other woman. 3 years have passed, yet Soojin is still as beautiful as she remembers. She looked like she was glowing, even. It is evident in her features how her debut as a soloist last year has gone very well. A warm feeling in Soyeon's chest blooms.
"... Is there something on my face?" Soojin jokes lightly, lips upturning into a small smile.
Realizing how she looked like a creep just staring at her for no reason, Soyeon snaps out of it and quickly backs away. "S-Sorry! I just can't believe... Wow. So it's really you? Soojin?" she musters out, mentally slapping herself for sounding so incoherent. For someone who raps professionally, she definitely could have done better. She needs to calm down. It's just Soojin.
Talking to her always seemed like the easiest thing back then. She was her best friend ever since they were both trainees. Soyeon shouldn't have a problem with it now... Even if it has been years since they had last spoken to each other properly.
Soojin waves her hand, tiny and controlled, creasing her eyes in a friendly manner. "Yes, yes, it's me. Nice to meet you," she says, nodding her head.
That sounded too much like prepared response, like something Soyeon would say during a random fan encounter. The latter raises her brow at this, confused by the noncommittal tone of someone who was once very close to her. Does Soojin not recognize her?
Scrambling to take her beanie off and pull her mask down, Soyeon points to herself and grins expectantly. "It's me, Soyeon!" She whisper-shouts. Of course, she still had to be wary of any possible nosey onlookers nearby. The last thing the two idols needed was even more scandalous news articles about them.
Recognition seems to flit through Soojin's eyes, but dims just as soon as it appears. "Um. Sorry, I don't— I don't..." She stammers, slightly backing away, "I don't know you? You must have the wrong person."
Soyeon pauses. Was this girl seriously pulling a prank on her right now? Whatever it was, she didn't want to play along. The shorter woman forces out a chuckle and speaks in a more serious tone, "Come on, Soojin. It's Soyeon... Jeon Soyeon?" She reaches for the sleeve of the other's coat, clinging to her as if she was afraid to lose her again. "Knock it off already. I really miss you. We should catch up together if you're on your off-day too."
She waits for the punchline to land, for Soojin to give her a knowing smirk and call her out for her panicked reaction. She waits, but all she's met with is the taller woman eyeing her cautiously. "I'm really sorry. I don't know who you are," Soojin repeats, like she has never been so sure of anything else in her life. Like she didn't spend 5 years of her late adolescence training, performing, and bonding with Soyeon and her former members. Like they were never even friends to begin with.
"No, I— Really? You don't know me? What about Minnie-unnie? Miyeon-unnie? Yuqi? Not even Shuhua? How could you say you don't know us?" Soyeon continues to prod, tugging urgently at the other girl's sleeve. Her brows furrow, patience dwindling, "This isn't a funny joke to make, Soojin." She needs her to stop acting weird and just talk to her like she used to. She needs her to come back to them. She needs her to—
Soojin jerks her arm back and pushes the other woman away. She scowls at her, aggravated. She has had enough. "Don't touch me. How many times do I have to say it to you, miss? I don't know you. I've never met you or any of those people in my life. Please just leave me alone already," she snaps, irritation laced in her once soft voice.
Oh.
The cup once in Soyeon's hand crashes down against the pavement, coffee spilling between their shoes as the lid comes undone. Her own tears follow, forming at the front of her shaking eyes and staining her cheeks. Soojin turns her back on her, and Soyeon's heart shatters.
Did she really have to go that far to pretend they were strangers? Soyeon knows 2021 had been the most painful year for all of them, and their respective companies were very careful to avoid them meeting each other when Soojin redebuted back into the idol industry, but really? Even when it was just the two of them waiting in line for food? This is how she was going to act?
Soyeon then finally notices the people in line staring at her, murmuring amongst each other. Judging. She's quick to pull her mask back up and wear her beanie to hide her identity, praying none of the onlookers recognize her nor the taller woman in front of her. That would make this so much worse than it already is.
"Soojin," she whispers out like a plea, lips quivering. Soojin turns to look back at her, pity reflected in her eyes even as she maintains her detached expression. Soyeon sniffles as she takes the folded receipt in her pocket and hands it over, "Here, I— I don't feel like eating anymore. Enjoy the bread. Sorry for bothering you."
When Soojin takes the small piece of paper, Soyeon gives her one last look, desperate to find any hint of recognition from the taller woman. When she's ultimately met with nothing but the same wary expression, she finally gives up and runs off. Far away from here. Far away from the prying eyes of the public. Far away from her best friend who had completely forgotten about her.
Soyeon stops running when she reaches the station, heart aching too much and eyes too blurry. She rushes to scan her ticket and get seated on the train while trying to blink back her tears. All she wants to do now is go straight back home and forget everything that happened today.
The quiet in the subway is soothing, at least. There's nothing but her and the other passengers now, along with the droning sound of the train passing through the metal railings. Soyeon wipes her eyes with the back of her hand, staining the sleeves of her beige coat.
What a shame, she liked her minimal make-up today.
After her tears had finally let up, Soyeon takes her phone out of her pocket and starts mindlessly scrolling through it in an attempt to distract herself. She flits through MelOn, Naver, Instagram, even Twitter... Just anything to take her mind off of Soojin right now.
A notification from her Google calendar suddenly drops down:
SOOJIN's birthday is coming up soon! 🎂
Do you want to plan something?
Soyeon swipes it away with her thumb, maybe a little too aggressively. She should have deleted that event a long time ago. It's not like there's anything her and the others could do for it. They haven't celebrated that day in years anyway.
Another notification pops up on her phone. Yuqi sent something to their groupchat. Again. Usually Soyeon would ignore it, as did the others, but she would take any distraction at this point.
She goes to check it, and as expected, it's just another link to a TikTok. A video only Yuqi would find funny, probably. Maybe Miyeon too. Soyeon doesn't bother watching it.
Below that, though, was a drafted message in her own textbox. Something Soyeon was typing earlier that morning and forgot about in her haste to get ready for a nice day outside:
8 days until 🍒🎂. Did you guys want to do something special? Sneaky enough for 🟦 not to notice but still obvious enough for 🍒 and 🏰 to figure out.
Soyeon stares at the unsent message, thumbs hovering tentatively over the keyboard. Oh.
Fate really had a stupid way of playing with the six of them, didn't it?
She sighs and presses delete, more of the text disappearing the longer she left her thumb on the screen. Until none of it was left. A gaping empty void of nothingness.
There's just no way Soyeon is going to tell the others what happened today. And there's just no way Soyeon is going to mention Soojin to them ever again. They need to stop dwelling in the past and focus on their future anyway. This was her responsibility as their leader.
No, it's better to just let this pass by.
Because she just hates being in pain.