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Nathan considered herself a mother hen figure to the younger heroes, even the ones in their rebellious phases, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t still be a friend. So as a friend, Nathan was thrilled when Pao-lin asked her if she’d like to go clothes shopping with them, but she still couldn’t help but take a motherly angle.
“I think this one’s nice,” said Pao-lin, holding a floral-patterned vest in front of themself in the department store mirror.
“If you like it, I think it’s great,” she said. “It suits you, though I didn’t think we’d find something you’d like here.”
Pao-lin looked back at her with curiosity. Ever since their haircut, Pao-lin had been brimming with confidence and an ease for expressing themself that Nathan could almost envy– but she was really just glad that it seemed to be a smoother process for them than it had been for her. “Here, like in a department store? I know you prefer boutiques, but I just wanted to see what’s on sale here.”
Nathan smiled fondly. “Fair, but I meant in the women’s section. I thought this was more my turf than yours, but I’m always happy to show you around.”
Pao-lin laughed a little too nervously for Nathan’s liking; maybe they didn’t want to talk about it, and she misread their open disposition. She was ready to apologize, when Pao-lin began to speak again. “I mean, yeah, usually? I guess I don’t really care what label my clothes have as long as I like them— and they’re my size. Clothes are clothes, y’know?”
Nathan leaned her face in her hand. “How are you so young and yet so wise, hm?”
The way Pao-lin beamed was contagious. “Do you mind if I go try it on?”
“Oh no, sweetie, I do mind,” Nathan said, mock-sternly. “Is it your first time shopping at a department store? You have to do a round, see everything they have, grab everything you like even if you know you won’t buy them all, and then go to the dressing room.”
“That does seem more efficient.” Pao-lin pursed their lips in thought. “It’s not. My first time, I mean. It’s just that, I used to go with Natasha, but she was really pushy about trying to get me things I didn’t like. So I just started going on my own and she got the hint, but uh…” they gave a sheepish smile. “I’m not a very good solo shopper.”
Nathan knew Natasha was one hell of an agent, and trying to act as Pao-lin’s guardian was a noble thing to do, but she just wasn’t built for that. As much as she tried, she was an agent first and a guardian second. “Well, hun, you’ve chosen the right companion,” she said with a smile. “Grab one of those clothes bags, let’s do a round. And since we don’t believe in labels, it’s gonna be a long one.”
Pao-lin came out of the dressing room in a button-up white shirt tucked into dark red slacks, sleeves rolled up, and with the floral vest they liked hanging loosely off their shoulders. They stuffed their hands into their pockets and did a little twirl with a smile.
“Gorgeous!” Nathan said, sporting a nice embroidered blazer she’d been tempted by. “How do you feel, hun?”
“I really like this color combo,” said Pao-lin, coming to stand next to her in the full-body mirror. “We look great! Wouldn’t it be so cool if I like, shaved a flower into my hair to go with this?”
“Why don’t you?”
"I would love to." They ruffled their bangs and pushed them back for a moment, looking at themself in the mirror. "But I like styling my hair. I mean, sometimes. I like having the choice, I guess. But I sometimes kinda wish I could shave it all off."
Nathan smiled tenderly, recognizing something in them that she’d seen in herself many years ago. Still, it wasn't her place to say; it was something Pao-lin would discover in time, and it was her duty to present a safe space to do so. "Undercuts are the best of both worlds," she offered.
Pao-lin said nothing, but their eyebrows raised as they looked in the mirror, as if trying to envision it.
Nathan decided to nudge a little more. "Think about it! An updo, like a pompadour, and the back and sides shaved short with floral patterns, like your vest."
They looked hopeful, but then frowned. “I can’t see myself keeping it styled every day.”
Nathan raised an eyebrow.
“I know! I know what I just said, I just… If I think of a haircut meant to be styled, I don’t think I can pull it off every day. And if I think of a haircut meant to not need styling, I feel like I’ll get sad that I can’t!”
“Well, hun, hair grows back. I think you’d pull anything off, but I think you also look great right now.”
Pao-lin smiled up at her. “Thanks, Nat.”
Oh, that was definitely an arrow stabbing through Nathan’s motherly heart.
They took to walking around the commercial district, to see if anything else caught their eyes. The city lights began to glow against the darkening early-evening sky, and the city bustle came alive with the rush hour floods of people relieved of their office jobs. Smaller shops and boutiques offered their latest dresses and suits on their glass displays, promoting their best silks and velvets to the rushing masses. But Nathan and Pao-lin weren’t in any rush —not so far, anyways— and stopped to look at any piece that interested them.
Pao-lin stopped in front of a suits shop where they displayed tartan patterned suits for men and boys. “Do you think they have shorts?” they mused.
Nathan raised her eyebrow, but tried not to show too much skepticism in her voice. “A suit with shorts, hun?”
Pao-lin looked back at her sheepishly. “I saw it in a TV show, I’d like to try it out!”
Nathan decided to give them the benefit of doubt and followed them inside.
“Good evening,” said the store clerk, approaching from the back of the store, but then he seemed indecisive on whether to address Nathan or Pao-lin.
She chuckled and gave him a hint. “Oh, I’m just the helpful auntie, the suit’s for the kid.”
He nodded in appreciation and approached Pao-lin. “Any particular event? What kind of suit are you thinking of, young sir?”
Well, that wasn’t entirely unexpected, but it was definitely something Nathan was interested in seeing how Pao-lin handled it, if at all. They hadn’t quite had the ‘form of address’ conversation, but Pao-lin seemed comfortable with how everyone else referred to them, among the Heroes at least. With their casual dress and their short hair, it probably happened more often that people addressed Pao-lin as a boy.
But they didn’t really have a reaction. “Do you have any suits with shorts?”
The store clerk did a double take. “Oh, my apologies, young miss! Yes, I believe we do, allow me to bring a selection.”
Pao-lin didn’t react to the change of address either. When the store clerk scuttled to the back, Nathan asked, “So you don’t mind either way?”
“Hm?” Pao-lin took a moment to realize what she was talking about. “Oh, the ‘sir’ and ‘miss’ thing? I guess I don’t.”
The clerk came back with some selections, and Pao-lin tried on the coats in front of the mirror. They asked for Nathan’s feedback on some patterns and colors, and ended up going for a brown suit. As they got their measurements taken for adjustment, they seemed to remember the topic. “You know, I kind of miss when I was a kid and my voice wasn’t a dead giveaway. At least when I had a hat on.”
Oh, Nathan knew what they meant. At the point in her life when she tried being more binary, especially when she was younger and still had the gangly build of a teenager, she would be perceived as a shy and reserved girl because she didn’t want to talk. And then the moment she opened her mouth to speak, she was looked at with—
“But then, the looks on people’s faces when they hear me talk for the first time are really fun.”
Fun? That was not how she would’ve described the looks she got back then, when people heard her baritone. Even if she tried so hard to make it softer, more appealing, more… conforming. It was a different time, not just for Sternbild but for herself. Nowadays she did attract glances, but much like Pao-lin, she found them funny. It was different for them, in more ways than one, but Nathan was glad that at such a tender age, Pao-lin had the self-assurance and security to be able to laugh in the face of hate.
While walking outside again, they received an alert on their PDAs. Nathan was ready to call her car, but then the alert was small enough to be assigned to just one duo, Blue Rose and Golden Ryan. Even as they kept walking, Blue Rose’s motorcycle sped down the street in the direction of the call, and Pao-lin cheered with the crowd around them. “Big fan of Blue Rose, hm?” Nathan teased. “Aw, stop!” To her surprise, Pao-lin looked red in the face. “It’s… I mean, she’s very nice, and very pretty.”
Nathan gave them a knowing look.
“Stooop.”
She raised her hands in surrender. “I didn’t say anything! You’re the one digging your own grave, hun.”
Pao-lin stuck their tongue out at her, but playfully. “It’s not like that… I kind of had a crush on her for a while.”
“Oh! Well, I suppose you’ll be pleased to know, I don’t think anyone else noticed.”
“Unlike her with Tiger,” they snickered.
Nathan suppressed a snort. “Young love, hm?”
They sighed. “Yeah, I guess…” They even sounded wistful as they trailed off, and it left Nathan wondering.
“You alright there, hun?”
Pao-lin sighed and nodded. “I don’t really have a crush on her anymore, but… It was nice, I guess? She was also my first crush. I still love her a lot, just not like that, and like… I kinda miss the feeling.”
“Of having a crush?” Nathan remembered it all too well. For her it was a giddy sensation, a secret joy of being near the person, and when she was able to share with people she trusted, it was also the odd enjoyment in teasing and joking. Ah, youth was something to be treasured, and even when hers had been so troubled with prejudice, she still held the happy memories very close to her heart. “I get what you mean,” she said softly. “You don’t have crushes that often, I take it?”
Pao-lin shook their head. “Is it weird?”
“No, hun.” Nathan stopped for a moment and pulled Pao-lin to a side, where they wouldn’t interrupt the pedestrian flow. “And even if it was— what does it matter? You are so wise and powerful, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, hm? …Who told you it’s weird?”
They laughed sheepishly. “No, no one. I just see everyone having crushes and boyfriends and girlfriends and… I thought about it, a little bit.”
“Oh, honey…” Nathan held them by the shoulders. “Don’t think other people’s lives are the rules of this world. Guidelines, maybe, but you’ll find that everyone is different, even if sometimes they look the same. There’s many ways to love, Pao-lin, and you have so much love in your heart to give. That, I don’t doubt.”
Pao-lin smiled and looked away as if in embarrassment. “You’re being cheesy now.”
“Ha! I’m sorry, am I embarrassing you?” She laughed and pulled them in for a tight hug and ruffled their hair. “Well, what’s a mother’s job if not to embarrass her kids?”
Eventually, they started the walk back to Justice Tower; Natasha would be picking up Pao-lin from there. Pao-lin had one shopping bag of clothes and a voucher to pick up the suit from the shop, and it surprised her to know that it was actually for the upcoming company party they had. “Miss Natasha didn’t pick out your fit with you?” Nathan asked.
“Nope, I told her I wanted to get my own outfit from now on, and she said it was fine.”
Fine? More like about damn time. But well, yes, maybe Nathan should give more credit to Natasha, at the very least for knowing when stepping back was the best thing to do.
And just as they went up the entrance stairs of the tower, Natasha’s company car pulled up to the driveway. She stepped out from the backseat and waved them over. “Pao-lin! Let’s go, we have to make that dinner appearance.”
Pao-lin hopped back down the stairs and started putting her bags in the trunk, while Natasha came up to Nathan with a little wave of her hand. She hovered around as if trying to be casual, but she ended up just looking awkward. “So, uh… She picked something nice?”
Nathan chose to give her the benefit of doubt. “Yes, it’s getting tailored and will be ready to pick up tomorrow,” she said. “They’re not going to show up in a tracksuit, if that’s what you’re asking.”
Natasha nodded and gave her a tight-lipped smile. “It is. What I was asking, I mean.” A beat. “As long as she’s happy, and y’know, presentable.”
Pao-lin closed the trunk of the car and ducked into the backseat. “Hey, Nat?”
Both Nathan and Natasha turned.
“Thanks for today,” said Pao-lin, smiling at Nathan, and that alone was worth any amount of betrayed, shocked looks that Natasha threw in her direction.
“Anytime, hun! I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Natasha joined her in the car, and they both waved at Nathan as the door closed and the chauffeur drove them away. Nathan stood there looking after them, wondering what she did in a past life to deserve such a wonderful child, before remembering the shopping bags weighing at her arms.
Well, those new clothes wouldn’t model themselves.