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“My dream was to play Roland Garros. Not to win it, not to reach the final. To me, the players that did that were mutants.”
– Stan Wawrinka before playing his French Open final.
Stan wonders how he never realized from all his years around Roger how winning big tournaments directly correlates to how hot other players find you. Now, of course he knew Roger had that aura around him but Stan also knew he only saw the guy as a player he idolized. Not an object of lust.
But he should have realized that everyone had a crush of some form on Roger. Oddly enough, the first actual fantasy he heard from a male player about Roger (of the non-tennis variety) came from Ben. Of course, he was being an asshole and hogging the sheets of his bed at the time so Stan wasn’t interested in any such discussion.
To be fair, Ben wasn’t actually comparing Stan to Roger, or else Stan would have thrown his naked ass out of bed at that exact moment. Ben’s fantasy involved Roger using a paintbrush as he does a racquet and Ben’s body as a canvas.
The French do love their art.
* * * * *
Stan is pretty sure Novak is employing the strategy of “keep your friends close and your enemies closer”. After all, Stan had already stumbled onto the other three members of the Big 4’s version of a unicorn sighting: catching Rafael Nadal in a major final in which he’s actually injured.
His matches against Novak at the majors of late have been arduous battles which have actually affected Novak afterwards. Not in terms of the next match but due to all the dirty looks he’s gotten from Boris, as if Stan had morphed into Roger’s coach or something.
While Stan did beat Novak en route to his Australian Open title, what he truly doesn’t expect to see is the dominant number one player in the world look confused… while on the other side of the net… in a French Open final… against him. There’s something clearly wrong. Maybe it’s getting the last significant piece for his legacy, the trophy which could actually put Novak in the Greatest of All Time conversation.
Novak initially had the lead but Stan was gaining control of the match. He doesn’t know if he would have handled this shift if it’d been his first Grand Slam final…scratch that, he already knows he couldn’t handle it, given the set he handed over to an injured Rafa that first time.
The next thing he knows, he’s celebrating and ugly shorts are now worthy of the Hall of Fame.
* * * * *
Stan is lying in bed, unable to take the silly grin off his face. It’s the first night he’s been able to spend with Ben since winning the French Open.
Ben insisted that this was the one time he was willing to spoil Stan rotten. In honor of Wimbledon coming up, a platter of strawberries, pound cake and cream was meant to be eaten off of Stan’s chest. He admits he doesn’t really understand Ben’s fascination with the human form in this particular manner but he’s not going to question given how great it feels to have that tongue and lips working their magic.
Stan closes his eyes, preferring to allow the senses of touch, smell and sound take over. Ben is noisy when doing this, whether it’s the smack of his lips, heavy breathing or simply wanting to lavish praise over the taste of strawberries this time of year.
* * * * *
Stan knows he won’t see Novak until he heads to Wimbledon. That doesn’t keep him from thinking about that elastic body covering his.
He’s not dumb enough to mistake Ben for Novak, even though they both have physiques which resemble limbs emerging from trees. For one, Ben can’t stay still whereas Stan imagines Novak would start meditating and stay in one pretzel-like pose for hours. What he’s most intrigued by in the fantasy is a pair of light-colored eyes which focus in on Stan as he’s in that position.
* * * * *
Back to the power of winning. Stan finds it’s odd he’s being seen for his physique. It is, naturally, Ben who convinces him that doing ESPN’s Body Issue is a good move – well, in a way that isn’t purely about Ben wanting to buy unquestioned porn when they reach the United States.
Ben uses as his argument, “Do you realize how many pay attention when you change shirts during a match? Or, better, when you’re on the practice court and it’s clear you’re about to take off that ‘Stan the Man’ shirt clinging with sweat to your muscles, possibly not to swap with a different shirt, thereby making your session a lot more crowded? And then there are the odes to your ass that I’ve collected from the internet which should totally be bound into a book and sold in stores.”
“You’re just looking for a blowjob.”
“I can’t praise your body and want that at the same time? Look, they’ve asked John Isner in the past. They’d clearly seen the error of their ways when they asked you.”
Stan gives a wry smile but then mutters, “Didn’t Berdych also do this?”
“I didn’t say I always question their judgment. I did purchase last year’s issue after all.”
* * * * *
He notices the correlation between his success oncourt to the attention offcourt when Nick Kyrgios begins focusing in on him. Nick has already beaten Roger and Rafa, hasn’t yet faced Novak and is sick of facing Andy so his attention is on Stan when they’re scheduled to play on the grass in Queens.
Now, Stan isn’t sure if Nick is even into guys but he’s definitely the new target for the young gun. Nick has been hanging around Donna in a way in which he’s gunning for any inside tip.
So if Stan tells the press he’s not sure if Nick cares about the way their match played out, he might realize it’s fighting words but he really doesn’t care.
* * * * *
While Stan knows the date the ESPN Body Issue comes out, he forgets the interview segment will actually act as a preview… and he definitely wasn’t paying attention regarding any other body in the issue, beyond the fact he was the only tennis player.
So he’s understandably confused when Ben starts talking about popsicles and Zambonis, ending it with, “He even has a rubber duck! Do you know what this means?! You could’ve brought back Homer!”
Stan shakes his head. “It’s now in Alexia’s room.” Then he realizes what Ben said about that rubber duck and adds a disgusted look to the reply.
“So, that’s a no?” Stan raises an eyebrow. “Kidding. Seriously, Tyler Seguin is too good looking to play a sport which will inevitably ruin his face with stitches. Now, you? You could pull that look off. You would be a great hockey player. I mean, you’re already a fan so you’d fit within that sport…”
“I had no idea you even cared about hockey.” Stan pulls out his phone, now that Ben has given him enough information to look up his complaint without randomly looking through all the videos.
“I care.” Ben pauses as he notices what Stan is doing, then adds, “I care when I realize some of those guys have really good butts due to all the squatting. You would fit right in.”
Stan lets out a deep sigh but reluctantly plays the video. He gives Ben a sidelong glance then chuckles. “I would never sit on that!”
* * * * *
Ben isn’t the first guy Stan hooked up with. That would be the fling in New York which led to the confessional which led to the separation.
He’s not the first tennis player. Hell, Ben is not even the first Frenchtennis player.
What he really should know is that those French guys are the biggest gossips around. While Roger is the best at keeping secrets and Stan has had enough drunken confessionals with Seve, the Swiss aren’t big on combining their information. Besides, there are a lot of French players and they’re all attracted to theater.
“You know that Gael knows about Ben,” Richard says to Stan in the locker room. Stan is thankful the Frenchman finished off Kyrgios so Stan didn’t have to worry about a big stakes rematch with the Aussie. He’ll gladly take a backhand battle with Richard any day of the week, regardless of the final result. Stan raises an eyebrow, to which Richard continues, “I really don’t care regarding what you and Ben do but you know Jo would care and it’s only a matter of time…”
Stan grits out, “It’s none of his business.” He would be happier to forget about Jo.
“It shouldn’t be his business but I’m not playing go-between again. It’s bad enough Gael thinks I dated you because you stopped talking to Jo.”
“Gael and Jo are happy.”
Richard gives Stan a sidelong glance, falling deep in thought. Finally, he asks, “Wouldn’t it be nice to allow yourself to be the same with Ben?”
* * * * *
Stan would be blind not to know about Donna Vekic’s crush on him, as they share management so their paths cross enough. He found out shortly after winning the Australian Open, though Ben told him months later that her interest predated the title.
Donna also knows the truth about the end of Stan’s marriage: that the first separation was the only separation and Stan has been dating Ben for two and a half years but it’s not public knowledge. It will help her game to be around players beyond the challengers so she doesn’t immediately turn away after he gently turns her down.
It’s definitely not knowledge Stan would give to a blabbermouth Aussie desperate to become a bad boy who also has a chip on his shoulder. So if he encourages Donna to let Nick think there’s more going on, Stan sees it as a good diversion tactic.
Needless to say, this strategy backfires all around when Stan finds out the hard way just how incapable Nick is in shutting up even during a competitive tennis match.
* * * * *
“Oh Stanley,” Ben says on the phone as an introduction. “This is blowing up beyond tennis.”
Stan groans. It’s the morning after that match and his shoulder is not feeling great but it’s better than his head right now. He’s been dealing with so many people already and he just wants to get out of town. Ben went back to France after his last match in Hamburg but will be heading to the airport in a few hours to be in Cincinnati for qualies. “I don’t know if I want to even search this.”
“You really don’t. I can give you lowlights. Starting with, what happened in the locker room? Please tell me you actually did get in Nick’s face so Christos’ claim of assault has some validity.”
“Ben…” Stan falls back onto the bed. Should’ve figured the big brother would use his power to make everything worse.
“Believe me, if you found out the rest of that particular story, you might wish you knew mafia people to deal with that family. What a piece of work – and that’s coming from me, a known mental case on the tour. I mean, yeah, what do you even say? Have you talked to Donna yet?”
“I sent her a text, apologizing for even starting this charade. She replied she doesn’t mind continuing it on, if I wish, as she at least would have, her words, ‘a big strapping boyfriend’ to protect her.”
“She… does have a point. It would look pretty bad if you dumped her now. Although you could also claim there was never a relationship… though, yeah, that would be a hundred times worse… what about...” Ben pauses, as if afraid to say the name, before finally relenting, “Ilham?”
“I sent her a text, apologizing for even starting this charade? I mean, that one was a much bigger charade than the Donna matter, you know?”
“Yeah. Unfortunately, I do know. Way too well.”
Stan feels a lump forming in his throat, feeling Ben is waiting for something but neither of them unable to get the proper words out. When the silence gets unbearable, he finally asks, “Are you packed yet?” hoping that conveys how he needs to see Ben as soon as possible.
“Haven’t started. Guess I should. Uh, I’ll see you soon,” though there’s something flat about the way Ben says it. “Better go.”
Ben hangs up before Stan can reply.
* * * * *
“You should know better,” Jo says as a greeting at Cincinnati. Well, he says that after dragging Stan into an empty closet.
“I should.”
“Really? Vekic? Man, that’s weak. Why must you create extra spectacle?”
“I’m pretty sure you should direct that question to Kyrgios.”
“Stan.” Jo places the tip of his finger along Stan’s lower lip. Stan doesn’t want to think about how he fell for this before, during a time when Jo was the one who had that elite status from being in the Top 5. When Stan totally didn’t realize he was nothing more than a diversion until Gael came back to him. “Ben goes for the dramatic but don’t push too far.”
Stan hasn’t seen Ben yet even though both have supposedly been in the same city for two days. He so so badly doesn’t want the Kyrgios drama to matter but he’s worried now.
* * * * *
Novak is watching. He has been watching from a distance. He seems to want to say something directly about the controversy but stops himself. Stan has gotten input, some appreciated support amidst even more useless crap, but the number one player is the one who most matters on the tour.
Stan can’t help himself from thinking about Novak. He’s imagining the Serb had been in the position Jo had him in the closet, fingers cup his jaw before hovering over him and blanketing himself around.
Ben is sitting next to Stan during one daydream. He leans in to say, “Is it going to matter if I can actually beat your new boyfriend?”
“Huh? But you’re…”
“I kind of like the idea of playing for your attention. Nole has got to know you’ll be watching.”
The teasing that is normally in Ben’s voice cannot be heard. “Ben…”
“You’ve got the top prize, Stanley. What do you want to do with it?” Ben leans in as if wanting to do more, then looks grim before standing up abruptly and heading out of the locker room.
Jo is right. Stan did screw this up.
* * * * *
Minutes feel like hours as Stan and Novak stay at opposite sides of the locker room. Others are still around, no one else aware of this standoff.
Novak finally tilts his head toward the back exit. Stan repeats the motion to make sure Novak truly means this signal to be for him. The nod back as confirmation, Stan leads the way.
If there’s one thing Stan has learned from all the years around Roger, it’s that the number one player in the world always has command. If anything is going to happen, Novak has to start this. Stan leans against the wall, waiting for the silence to no longer fill the air.
He is relieved to find Novak bridging the sizable gap. “I don’t know how you manage to succeed despite so much drama around you,” the words barely above a whisper due to being wary of all the people on the other side of this wall. “It’s working for you, making everyone even more intrigued. I know I’m intrigued. I’ve been working on having a peaceful environment but maybe that’s the wrong method. A gold medal and a French Open are results that cannot be argued.” Stan tries to concentrate on the words if he wasn’t preoccupied by the breath near his ear and the fingers lingering too close to him.
“Well, the gold medal involved a bit of Roger but…”
“Stan.” Novak has his hand now on Stan’s shoulder, lips near his ear as he speaks even lower. “I like you so I give you this advice. Pay attention to what’s truly important. Some distractions are good, some are not.”
By the time Stan can regain his bearings, Novak has left him alone in the room. That was one head to toe inspection he was not ready for.
* * * * *
If Stan tried to explain what was wrong right now between him and Ben, the outsider would think he’s misreading. Ben is doing a great job at pretending all is good.
But Stan knows the fact Ben has not said a word about his match against Novak is definitely not a good sign. Normally, Ben would be bragging – rightfully so, given the highlight reel from that encounter.
Ben is playing Winston Salem so their paths don’t cross for a solid week. There are a stream of texts that are typically random Paire thoughts. While, of course, there is stuff that crosses into sexual innuendo, it’s nothing that Ben wouldn’t write to any of his other French friends.
The day of the US Open draw, Stan isn’t paying attention to where he lands. He doesn’t have to because Ben is following that like a hawk.
likley leving u erly as I drew Kei. good news is so will NK as hes not beating Andy. urs is ARV.
Stan types as a reply: have priorities straight. see you tomorrrow night?
migt as well take advntage of my body now.
* * * * *
When Ben shows up, he’s surprised to see Stan in the kitchen making burgers. “Really? I thought this was all about sex today.”
“Don’t you want to fuel up first? Also, are you really going to turn down my cooking?”
“Those are two very legitimate points,” Ben concedes. “Need any help?”
“You can set the table. I know from experience you are no help in the kitchen.”
“Hey! I am a food expert!”
“You are an expert at eating, not so much on preparing. Inside, now!”
“Oh. Okay.”
Stan grins as he watches Ben in the next room fake-sulking as he properly sets two seats. Then he realizes this is all about pretending there’s nothing wrong and that’s not so good.
“I didn’t know you cared about wine,” Ben calls out as he inspects the label of the pinot noir before placing it in the center of the table.
“I don’t. Took advantage of your fellow Frenchman’s knowledge.”
Ben stops dead in his tracks, plate in hand. “Er, which Frenchman?”
“Gasquet. Why?”
“Of course,” Ben continuing what he’s doing. As if he was worried after confiding in a different Frenchman. Which, of course. “He does know useless grownup stuff like that.”
Stan mentally files that information away for when he’s finished cooking.
* * * * *
Stan freely admits he is prolonging dinner. He makes it seem as if he’s putting off sex, knowing it might possibly be off the table for good after they talk.
Ben does well to scarf down a lot of food into the bottomless pit that’s his stomach but even he eventually senses something more is up. “I do appreciate you recognizing my time in New York will be limited. My match is first on the schedule on the first day. I guess they realized there was no point in me staying around… or it’s just due to Kei being last year’s finalist.”
“I don’t think you’ll be leaving.”
“Really? That sounds rather definite from you.”
“If you can play the way you did against Novak, then anything is possible. You just don’t know your own strength.”
“I guess I shouldn’t really question the opinion of a Hall of Famer.” Stan lets out a deep sigh. Ben retorts, “Come on. That’s what you are. You don’t have to deal with the mundane…”
While Ben continues his complaints about the tour life, Stan drowns him out as he gets out of his seat to slip down onto the carpet to sit next to Ben’s chair. Ben finally stops talking as he waits for an answer to the unasked question.
Stan bites his lip as he finally looks up into wondering brown eyes and says, “I am here. For you. I put on a show so you’ll put on a show.”
“What type of show do you mean? I mean, I know what you want me to do but what do you mean by your show?”
“There has been so much craziness lately. Usually you cause it, but this is my fault. It’s one thing if the public believes I’m dating a doe-eyed teenager but I don’t want you to doubt how I feel about you. I admit it’s tough because I’m used to not being first choice… even though that’s always been how I saw you.”
Ben tries to laugh that off. “If you’re aiming for a sappy romantic gesture, gotta say it doesn’t quite work for you.”
“I’m trying to say I love you. I don’t want you to ever doubt that. It may have been just fun and games at first, from your relentless flirting during our run to the Chennai title until I finally shut you up by kissing you after the trophy presentation, but that feeling has always been there when I think about you.” Stan switches to a kneeling position so he’s close enough to lean his weight on Ben’s thigh.
“Okay, maybe you don’t suck at romantic gestures,” bright smile and hint of pink edging Ben’s beard. “I never really thought we’d be anything more than an occasional fling. Then again, I flirt a lot and most just humor me, which is good. But you, you believed I wasn’t just a middling pro. You still believe…” Ben lifts Stan’s chin so they’re closer, then whispers against his lips, “I love you, too,” before sealing the gesture with a quick kiss.
“I will always believe. It is your mission to give the New York crowd a match and display just how amazing of a player you really are.”
“I can provide the highlights for Day 1 and you can do the same two weekends later, beating Roger and Novak along the way again.”