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You Must Learn What Makes Me Kind

Summary:

With Blackbeard in his Kraken Era, Izzy is being tortured daily. The crew can't save him but maybe they can help a bit.

Notes:

At long last, the final part of the Avalanche Trilogy.
It took me super long to publish it, 'cause a lot has been happening in my life.
Thanks to my wonderful editor, who asked to remain anonymous!

Work Text:

Silence fills the stifled air below the deck of the Revenge. The crew look at each other, but no one says anything. They are all terrified. But they are also very determined.

Izzy stopped screaming a while ago now - and as much as they hate those hellish sounds, silence is much worse. They have no idea what Blackbeard could be doing to the first mate now, but they have a few theories. And they are all terrifying .

Being here together helps a little and Fang is so grateful to have these people around him. It took him a while to talk them into helping Izzy - Jim was the most reluctant, remembering how much of an asshole the man was when he was the captain - but eventually they all understood what he’d been saying for a frighteningly long time. Whatever Izzy had done in the past, it didn't warrant this.

The door to the Captain’s cabin - the Kraken's lair - creaks open at last. The crew can’t see what is happening, hidden behind a corridor bend to avoid Blackbeard seeing them. They would all get in trouble if he knew they were helping Izzy. So they just wait until the first mate makes his way to them, stumbling, exhausted, broken.

The sight breaks Fang’s heart. Sure, Izzy is an asshole. They had their disagreements in the past. But he never took pleasure in hurting people, resorting to violence only to enforce discipline and fight enemies. He never did it just for the sake of it.

Thinking about this, Fang gets furious at the Captain. They all trusted him. They would have followed him to the ends of the earth, even though they knew, even then, that he wasn’t the most stable person. His continuous assault on Izzy feels like a betrayal to all of them.

Fang shakes his head to get rid of these thoughts. There is not time to dwell on this now, when Izzy needs their immediate attention. They don’t know what it was that he was made to go through this time but it was surely terrible. Worst case would be Izzy having yet another toe cut off. Best case would be him getting beaten until he collapsed and had to crawl out of the Captain’s cabin.

A loud bang makes all of them jump before they realize it’s just the cabin doors shutting behind Izzy. Of course, Fang thinks grimly. Now that he’s done with Izzy he’s desperate to be left alone.

The four of them exchange anxious looks. The waiting is unbearable, but they know they can’t risk moving from their hiding place. All they can do is hope that Izzy doesn’t pass out before he is able to make his way to them. 

That did happen before, Fang learned recently, when one night Izzy was so out of it from pain that he confessed to having slept on the floor right outside Blackbeard’s cabin. The knowledge that the first mate used to go through this horror all alone is breaking his heart - as is the fact that Izzy would never talk about any of it if he was in his right mind.

There are footsteps coming their way. Very slow footsteps, as if Izzy has to rest after each step. And he probably does.

Looking around, Fang can see all three of his companions are thinking similar things he was. Frenchie seems terribly sad - not disturbed by what is happening, as if he had already made his peace with the fact that this is their new normal - but heartbreakingly sad. Jim looks pissed, as if they were about to barge into the Captain’s cabin and just murder the man here and now. Archie seems mostly focused on the current moment, ready to deal with whatever comes their way.

The footsteps get closer and the tension between the four of them raises. They all hate being here. And yet none of them would want to be anywhere else. When Izzy is just around the corner, they can hear his breathing, heavy and laborious. For a moment it makes Fang forget he needs to breathe as well.      

As soon as he passes the bend of the corridor, Izzy loses his balance and staggers towards the crew. He's undressed from the waist up, his shirt draped around his shoulders like a cloak and his vest missing. Fang and Frenchie both make a move to catch him, but Frenchie is quicker. He positions his body under Izzy's arm so that he can help the first mate walk. Jim springs into action in a split second and takes their place on the other side of the first mate. They prepare to walk Izzy to his cabin to patch him up, but Fang stops them.

Yes, getting Izzy to safety is crucial. But not like this, not as if he was a sack of flour. Not as it was just a task to perform.

Jim and Frenchie holding him up, Izzy seems on the verge of losing consciousness. But Fang just has to try and make some connection. 

“Izzy?” he asks softly, as he brushes off the hair that sticks to the man’s forehead. “Izzy, can you hear me? Can you talk at all?”

In response, the first mate makes a sound, somewhere between a groan and a whimper. He raises his head to look at Fang, but his eyes are so unfocused he probably doesn’t see anything. Fang feels like crying, but he knows it’s neither the time nor place for that.

“It’s alright, boss,” he reassures. “You don’t need to say anything. We’ll take care of you.”

Gesturing at Jim and Frenchie to carry Izzy to his cabin, Fang decides not to wait for them, and makes his way to the room on his own. They don’t know what it was that Blackbeard did to the first mate today, so he prepares everything from towels and bandages to their frighteningly diminishing supply of laudanum.

  Once everything is ready, he lets himself weep for a moment. It doesn’t really help anything, but he just can’t stop.

 

*****

 

The crew are watching Fang as he tries to get Izzy comfortable. The first mate's arms are covered with fresh burns, from elbows up to armpits. It seems as though the Captain burned him with candles, repeatedly.

It probably isn’t bad enough to warrant giving Izzy laudanum. They are running out of the drug and need to save it for when it gets really terrible - for example if Izzy loses another toe. Fang dreads the time when their supply runs dry. Izzy is getting weaker every day, and the lack of medicine may be lethal to him. 

It's not easy to put Izzy to bed, as the man is barely conscious - this can’t all be caused by the burns alone, that monster must have done something else to him as well, something they have not yet uncovered - and Fang needs to move him. The man may be short, but he is also quite muscular, which means he's also heavy. Especially when he doesn’t cooperate at all. 

The crew offered to help him, but Fang didn't want to crowd Izzy, so after they managed to lift the first mate onto the narrow bed, he asked them to stand back. They are all leaning against the wall, tense but unwilling to leave.

As gently as possible, Fang positions Izzy’s hands in a way that would not aggravate his injuries. They don’t really have anything to put on the wounds to help them heal quicker, and bandaging the burns doesn’t seem like a good idea. Better let his body repair itself, Fang thinks as he yet again brushes Izzy’s hair, damp with sweat, from his forehead, not really knowing why he's doing it but unable to stop himself.

Izzy’s half-naked body is covered with bruises and scars, from long since healed to terrifyingly fresh. There are so many of them that Fang is unable to say if any of them were created today. He feels like he should know the answer to that, but he doesn’t. For one terrible second it makes the whole operation feel pointless to him. But then he shakes his head and focuses back on what is important.

Izzy stirs and groans, but his eyes remain closed. They’ve been through this enough times that Fang knows he should check the first mate’s body for additional injuries. If he’s seriously hurt and they don’t catch it in time, it may kill him. But it still feels terribly wrong to touch - and undress - a man who's almost unconscious. Especially a man such as Izzy, who's always been very private.

Unease stopping him from moving, Fang throws a glance at the crew. It doesn’t help at all, as all three of them look as unsure how to proceed as he is. Still, it’s good to have them here, just so that he doesn’t have to do this alone.

“Izzy, I’m going to take off your shoes,” he says gently, hoping that the man hears and understands him. “I need to check if you’re not hurt any worse.”

The sound that Izzy produces could be interpreted as “fine” if Fang used a bit of imagination, but he doesn’t have time to dwell on it. 

It's not a pleasant sight at all, of course. They should all be used to seeing Izzy’s mangled foot by now, but they aren’t. The moment Fang takes off the first mate’s shoe, Frenchie sucks in air and Jim swears in Spanish. It looks marginally better then the day before, as the mutilations are slowly healing, but it’s still a heartbreaking sight, even in a man whom they all tried to kill not so long ago.

Methodically, Fang checks both of Izzy’s feet for any sign of injury. From what little they managed to drag out of Izzy about his visits to the Kraken's lair, the Captain is quite innovative with his torture, so the lack of obvious injuries doesn’t necessary mean Izzy wasn’t hurt. The idea of missing something and letting the first mate suffer any more than it’s absolutely necessary in these dreadful circumstances is frightening. So Fang takes his time - and is relieved when he doesn’t find anything new. 

But they are not done yet. Fang knows he will have to undress Izzy down to his undergarments – both to check for possible injuries and to make the man as comfortable as possible. He knows Izzy used to fall asleep in his leathers on particularly bad days, but now the crew are here for him and Fang is determined to do all he can to help.

And this has to be helping, he tells himself on a daily basis. In the rare moments when Izzy is lucid enough to express his feelings about what is happening to him, Fang can see how much the first mate hates all of it. There is no discussion of it, of course, they've said all that there was to say when the first approached Izzy about this after the wedding raid. But looking into Izzy's eyes, Fang can see that being so helpless is hurting the first mate almost as much as what Blackbeard is doing to him.

Sighing, he bends over Izzy’s half-naked body, trying not to think too much about the whole situation. It just has to be done, that's all there is to it.

"Izzy, I'm going to take your trousers off, alright?” he asks, not really expecting a reply.

To his complete surprise, Izzy jerks up, as if trying to sit. It doesn't work and he collapses on the bed again, but his eyes are open now and his brow furrowed.

"Don't,” he mumbles and makes a gesture with his hand that Fang assumes is meant to be threatening.

Suddenly terrified that he's doing the wrong thing, Fang looks the first mate in the face – and sees absolute panic. Damn, he thinks. This is very bad. Izzy refusing to be helped has never happened before. Sure, he always lets the crew know he hates it, but he never protests, as he surely knows this is what he needs.

"What was that boss?” Fang asks gently, hoping that the first mate would change his mind – or at least let him know what it is that is bothering him.

"Fuckin'... don't,” Izzy spits out, with considerably more force Fang would expect from someone in his state.

His heart pounding, Fang tries to swallow, only to find his mouth parched. Breathing is difficult, but he knows he needs to stay calm. His eyes wander over Izzy's body.

And then he notices. Damn. They were all so busy that none of them paid any attention to that before. It's no wonder Izzy doesn't want to get undressed.

Inhaling slowly, Fang tries to calm himself down. Then he turns to the crew, who all look quite puzzled – which is a good sign. It means that in the dim light of the first mate's cabin they can't see all that well.

"Leave us, please.”

"Is everything alright?” Frenchie asks.

His concern makes Fang feel a bit better about what they are doing. But it's not what is needed now.

"Yes. We’re fine. I just think Izzy could use some privacy,” he explains.

No one says anything else. Frenchie nods as he leaves the cabin. Jim and Archie walk out holding hands.

As soon as they are alone, Fang sits down next to Izzy. The bed is very narrow – as if the man refused to treat himself to anything more than the bare minimum, Fang thinks – so he ends up with his side pressed against Izzy's leg. Such closeness isn't ideal, especially in these circumstances, but he feels like it's needed to get his point across.

“Izzy, it's fine,” he coos. "You are alright.”

He moves, intending to gently pat Izzy's shoulder in a gesture of reassurance. His movements are slow and deliberate because he doesn't want to scare the first mate even worse.

He never gets the chance to touch Izzy, who starts trembling. No, not trembling, shaking. His breath quickens. He looks on the verge of tears.

"Izzy?” Fang asks, clueless as to what it was that he did to provoke such a reaction.

Silence falls in the cabin, and for one frightening moment it seems as if the first mate was going to clam up completely. But then he opens his mouth to speak – and closes it again. Fang is staring into his face, but Izzy is unwilling to meet his gaze.

"Boss?” he tries again, unwilling to give up unless explicitly told to go away. "It's alright, boss.”

"I'm sorry,” Izzy mumbles, and Fang can hear the panic in his voice. He curls up on the bed, disregarding the burns on his arms. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm-”

"Hush,” Fang says with as much calm as he can muster, which isn't a whole lot. "Izzy, it's alright. It really is alright.”

He's been avoiding touching Izzy without permission, but now it feels like he should force some kindness onto the man. After all, the crew did the same thing after the wedding ride and it turned out to be the right thing to do. So he puts his hand on the first mate's shoulder and forces him to lie on his back again.

"Sorry,” Izzy says again. No, not says. Whimpers.

A terrible thought that he probably knows what's going on here hits Fang like a cannonball.

"Why are you apologizing?” he asks, his voice trembling with emotion. "Do you think I'm going to laugh at you or punish you?”

There is no answer. Izzy looks as though the question was so absurd that he can't find an answer. Fang feels fury at the Captain rising inside him. What sort of monster does this to a man? To his friend?

" Izzy?” he pushes, as the first man starts shaking even worse than before.

"Both,” Izzy growls, sounding like a cornered animal.

Fang feels tears roll down his face, and only that makes him realize he's crying.

"Why?” he asks, his voice barely a whisper - though he knows the answer.

"That's what he would do.”

The anger in Fang's soul burns into white-hot rage. He had never been an angry man, seeing no point in holding grudges when moving on felt so much better. But moving on was fine when it was him who was being wronged. Seeing another suffer like this makes forgiveness without restitution feel like a crime.

"He's not here, Izzy,” he says slowly. "You are safe here. I'm not laughing and I'm not going to hurt you.”

Izzy sniffles. He looks at Fang pleadingly, but Fang has no idea what it is that he’s asking for. 

"Do you want me to leave?” he asks, praying that Izzy gives him some answer before he does the wrong thing and ruins whatever little peace they have carved out for themselves in the nightmare that is their life under the Kraken. "Or do you want to cum?”

It feels so strange to say this to the first mate. The man had always been so private that Fang had a hard time imagining him as a sexual being at all. Sure, there were rumors of Izzy being involved with Blackbeard way back when they sailed under Hornigold, but in all the time Fang has known him, the man never once let anything slip. On a ship, where everyone knew everyone else's business, that seemed like a sign of Izzy simply not being interested, and that was how Fang had learned to think about him.

And yet. Now the first mate was here, having just been brutalized by their maniac of a captain and very, very hard. Thinking back to what he knows about Izzy, Fang is not all that surprised. It fits with his ways – and explains why he's been so protective of his private life. Most people would probably use this against Izzy if they knew, just like Blackbeard seemed to be doing.

Fang hates that. Hates how lonely Izzy must have felt all those years. Hates how scared he is now. Hates that such a simple thing as an offer of a handjob feels like it can ruin everything.

 There is no response. Izzy seems frozen in terror, just like Fang feared.

He could just leave, of course. He probably will if the first mate refuses to reply. Even if this all started with the crew forcing their help onto Izzy, doing this without his consent would be crossing a line Fang never wants to cross. But if the reason for the first mate's reluctance is his shame, maybe showing him it really is alright could help.

"I need you to give me something, Izzy,” he tries. "I'm just trying to help but I don't know what you need. I don't want to force you into anything, but if you think cumming would help at all, then let me do it. I won't judge.”

The words are so solemn that they sound absurd. But they come straight from the heart and Fang hopes Izzy can hear that.

Izzy squirms on the bed, visibly uneasy. Fang keeps his gaze on his face and for a second their eyes meet, before Izzy looks away. It appears that in that second the man was able to see Fang's determination to help without any judgment, because his body relaxes somewhat.

“Please?” the first mate whispers. A question, not a statement. He’s still unsure.

“Alright,” Fang smiles, hoping that Izzy would find it reassuring. “Let’s get you undressed then.”

Ever so slowly, he shifts on the bed and starts unbuckling the first mate’s trousers. Izzy doesn’t move, but Fang can see his breathing quicken a little. This is a good thing, Fang tells himself. He deserves to feel good, even if it’s just for a moment.

Neither of them says anything, of course. Izzy doesn’t even look at Fang, the man realizes as he glances at the first mate’s face. His head to the side, he stares at the wall. None of that is surprising, but Fang still feels a stab of pain in his heart - not as much disappointment at Izzy’s refusal to properly connect as deep compassion for a man who’s hurting so terribly.

The only proof that Izzy is even aware of what is happening is when he lifts his hips slightly so that Fang can peel his trousers off. Other than that, he just lies on the bed like the sack of flour Fang thought about earlier.

But he is still hard. For a second Fang wonders if the humiliation of what they are doing - and Izzy clearly is finding this humiliating despite his best efforts - is contributing to that. If the man reacts to pain by getting hard, even now, when he’s clearly not enjoying what is being done to him, then perhaps emotional suffering affects him the same way?

This is not the time for that, Fang tells himself. This is the time to help Izzy.

The fact that Izzy raises his hips again to help Fang take his underwear off reassures him that he is indeed doing the right thing. When the man is completely naked, stillness fills the cabin. For a moment neither of the men moves a single muscle. 

Fang swallows with difficulty.

He takes a deep breath.

He puts his hand around Izzy’s dick - and realizes it’s leaking so much precum he doesn’t even need any lube.

As much as Fang would love to make this moment last, he knows Izzy is not in any state to take much right now. This has to be a quick affair, aimed at making the first mate cum as fast as possible.

It doesn’t take Fang very long to find the right rhythm, and he can’t stop himself from smiling a sad smile when Izzy moans quietly. There is a feeling of desperation in the air. Desperation and despair.

It takes no more than a few minutes for Izzy to be whining. Fang wonders how long it’s been since anyone made the first mate feel good. The crew are all convinced he’s just not into it, so it’s hard to imagine anyone would dare to even offer it - maybe except Lucius, who is now gone. And whatever it is that Blackbeard was doing to Izzy, it surely isn’t about making him feel good. The exact opposite, in fact.

When Izzy bucks his hips with a loud moan, Fang can’t help but feel satisfied. He’s sure it’s going to make things a bit awkward between him and the first mate for a while, but for one wonderful moment, Izzy surely feels good.

Izzy’s cum lands on his stomach and the man squeezes his eyes shut. Using one of the towels he’s prepared earlier, Fang gently wipes it off, taking his time and watching Izzy’s chest move as his breath slows down. He looks so peaceful that Fang’s filled with pride.

It won’t do much good, of course. Blackbeard isn’t going to stop, they all know that. They live in a nightmare now and Izzy will be tortured again.

But for now, the first mate seems at peace. At this moment everything is fine.

By the time Fang’s gathered the things he needs to take with him - they can’t risk the Captain finding any proof they’re helping the first mate  - Izzy is asleep.

Careful not to make any noise, Fang covers him with a blanket.

Tears sting his eyes as he walks up to the deck. This can’t go on much longer, he tells himself.

The crew are waiting for him. They don’t discuss what happened after Fang was left alone with Izzy. The only question anyone asks is whether Izzy is alright.

Fang has no idea how to answer that.

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