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You don't know when it started, really. The whole… touching thing, you mean.
Well.
That's not entirely true. You remember, very clearly, the first time your stardust reached for your hand, noticing you were spiraling, as though it was a motion practiced a thousand times. It was such a tiny, insignificant gesture, really! It shouldn't have been such a big deal to you.
And yet.
And yet, you can't help but recall a simple fact you read somewhere once. One that's been engraved permanently into your mind, always cached in your mental periphery. They say human beings need a certain amount of daily skin-to-skin contact to stay sane. ..You're not quite sure you're human anymore. And yet, and yet, and yet. You think, maybe, you aren't above the petty little whims of the human psyche.
Maybe you're pathetic for sopping up his attention so desperately. But you remember last night, spent cradled by your stardust, entwined together like little cats out in the sun, and you think about how cold the nights spent under the Favor Tree were, and. You think about how warm their embrace was. Their face inches from yours, their arms intertwined with your own, somehow heating you up more than the star that beats under your skin.
..You flush a little, reflecting on it. It felt so... natural, in that moment. Neither of you thought about it or spoke about it or made any kind of affection truce beforehand or anything. You were merely swept away by your distracting little… human needs, let's go with that. It was a little gross, even! Letting yourself be so dependent on him, stealing his warmth.
And yet!
Your flush grows deeper. Like always, but especially right now, you feel a little piteous. You've been stranded in your hotel room all day, left with nothing to do as the others busied themselves with all the necessary chores, leaving you with nothing to do. Not that you'd expect them to carve out a space for you, anyways. You're not supposed to be here, after all.
Dragging yourself onto the bed, you groan pathetically, and stare out the window. A perfect little sunset, broken up only by the lightless silhouette of your stardust, carrying some groceries down the way. It's selfish of you, maybe even revolting, but. You want his attention again. You make the secret hand sign, shifting a little into the covers as you do.
It doesn't take Siffrin long to pick up, hoisting one of the bags onto his other arm. "Loop! What's up?"
"Stardust~! I wanna chaaat!" Despite your lack of audience, you can't fight the urge to kick your heels theatrically. "I'm so lonely…! Borderline neglected, even!"
"Urgh." You don't have to see their face to tell that they're smiling. "Whose fault is that? You could have come out today, you know."
Your smile drops a little. "Well, yes, I could have! But I didn't! They didn't need me for anything, so why stick around, hmm?"
You watch Siffrin shuffle around in place for a second. "..Well, no, but…"
"Then that's that!" You cut Siffrin off before they can continue. "Anyways…. come see me, okay? I can sob for you if it'll make you pity me more." You affect a cute little moue, as if he can see it.
"Don't do that." And then the line is dead.
You roll over dramatically onto your side. You really are pathetically human, aren't you? Unfortunately, you don't have time to berate yourself for that, as you can hear Siffrin fumble with the room key just a few minutes later. You make sure to sit up and look.. not pathetic. With a slow creak, Siffrin passes through the doorway, looking conspiratorially up and down the hallway as he closes the door. You can't help but giggle. Siffrin blatantly ignores you as he pulls his cloak and gloves off, dropping them right on the table. Unceremoniously, they flop right on the bed, head leaning up against the pillows.
"Soooo."
"So?"
"About your request to chat, or whatever." he says, smiling.
Oh, right. Maybe you should have thought of something to chat about. Woops, teehee.
"Indeed! That request. Soooo…….." you raise your pointer finger…
And then drop it. Yeah, you've really got nothing.
"Uh huh."
"Whatever! I'm still so tired from carrying all our conversations. Maybe you should contribute something, stardust." You make sure to look as smug as possible.
"Wow. I'm so devastated right now. Look at how devastated I am." You look at how devastated he is. You've seen worse. "Hmm…. let's chat about….." Siffrin raises his pointer finger, this time. "Let's chat about what you really wanted from me."
Oh, gross. He's perceiving you. Ew. "What, I can't just invite my bestie over with no ulterior motive? No trust at all… you wound me, stardust, truly!"
They just look at you, and you look away.
Whatever. If they really want to know so badly.
"Fiiine, you caught me. I really was just lonely. Are you satisfied?"
Siffrin bonks their head against your hip. "Mmm. ..Come lay down with me?"
..Huh.
"..If you want."
So, so gross.
You've pulled them into your orbit, or maybe they've pulled you into theirs. You don't know which idea unsettles you more, so instead of deciding, you settle for sliding down under the covers and facing your stardust.
You heave a sigh. "..Okay."
The reflection of your light flickers across his eye. Siffrin reaches out their hand, grazing it tentatively against the side of yours. Embarrassingly, you grab it and squeeze.
Despite how you must surely be blinding him, Siffrin doesn't look away.
You're not as brave as him.
"Loop… are you sure you're okay with this? I can give you some space, it's fine." Siffrin says, quietly.
You could take the easy out. You could. You could let Siffrin free, and stop dragging them down with you, but… You think about warmth, and the buzz of their skin on yours. You're selfish, so very selfish, and so you force yourself to meet his gaze again.
"Stardust, I… I liked it." They continue to look at you. "Last night, I mean. I like what we have going on. I like.. being close to you."
Siffrin is quiet for a few beats. You flex your fingers, anxiously, before he says quietly, "..Yeah. It is nice, isn't it? Being close like this?" You nod, and Siffrin squeezes your fingers in return with a smile. The two of you stay quietly half-cuddling for a long moment, before Siffrin shifts. "Hmm… it's probably not smart to lay blindside up, huh…" he mumbles. It's not, no, but you weren't going to comment on it. Stars forbid it would make him leave you. They shuffle a bit above you, straddling you. You could wait for them to finish crawling over to your other side, but…
"My, stardust, how forward! Going for the kiss already, scandalous!" You tease.
Well. You said that in jest, but.
Siffrin halts for a moment, flushing. His face is so close to yours, you can feel his breath on your face, warm and quick. You wonder, distantly, if it's conceited to find them so cute. Their cheeks darken and their lightless eye gets all big and round, staring deep into yours, before flicking away. Your breath gets caught in your throat. "Um. Can I…." he says after a beat too long. You nod, carefully still. Siffrin leans in, slowly, maybe too slowly, and you feel his mouth find the dubious barrier between solid and light in the core of your face. You do your best to kiss back, static rays and soft hair interweaving as your mind melts to fuzz as you feel his soft lips press against you, ever so gently. You can't help but be greedy. You pull your stardust closer, and feel their sharp inhale against your surface before nuzzling deeper into you. The two of you stay interlocked for a long moment, before Siffrin pulls away from you gasping for air, your hands falling to your sides.
Ah. You hadn't even noticed you had started holding him. You feel lightheaded. Above you, Siffrin starts giggling.
You huff. "A-and what's so funny, stardust?"
"Hehehaha– I think my face is a little numb from that." They pull a hand to the side of their face. You can't help but notice just how much brighter your glow has gotten, little sparks of white reflecting in your stardust's eyes. …Embarrassing.
"If you're going to complain about it, then I suppose that's the last you'll ever get."
"Mm. …Wasn't complaining." With that, Siffrin slumps down onto your chest, arms half linked with yours, apparently giving up on switching sides. You sigh, and let your eyes droop a little.
You thought Siffrin might have fallen asleep on you, the adorable little parasite, but you feel his voice vibrate through your chest. "...They would have made space for you, you know."
You curve your eyes cheerfully. "That would have been a wasted effort."
You hear him scoff. "Bonbon was looking for you. They said they found a bunch of flowers that looked just like your head. Mira kept asking if you were feeling well." Siffrin turns their head up towards you, and continues. "Isa wouldn't stop looking towards the room all day. Even Odile was wondering about you." They pause for a moment, features softening. "They.. they really care about you, you know?"
A thousand little rebuttals rise up in your throat. You're selfish, you're taking up space you don't deserve, clawing your way into their perfect family dynamic and infesting it with your greed. None of them come out. All that comes out is a quiet "..Is that so."
Siffrin doesn't reply. Oh stars, they're falling asleep for real. You exhale indignantly, and accept your fate. Carefully extricating one of your arms, you play with his hair mindlessly. You're very, very selfish. But maybe it's just human nature. You let yourself drift off, and when you wake up a few hours later, you don't let yourself feel too bad seeing the cute little smile and messy sleep-tossed hair of your stardust.