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In the stillness of a night polluted by sounds of bright neon clubs and the smell of cheap drunks, there was a slither of comfort in the hands holding him. Behind the club, against the wall in the big and rough hands of a green-haired man, Sanji grinded against the fabric of the leather pants. The kiss broke so the man could look at the blind for a little again. He was drunk. They both were, but the green-haired man was more drunk than Sanji. His hair was too long, his fingers too thin even though they were bigger than average, his eyes too bright. He was wrong in all the ways that made him remember that it wasn't Zoro.
The sky was clear and Nami had reassured him no rainclouds were expected in the next day or two. At least not on the island. So he allowed himself to relax.
"Mr. Sanji, you look so awesome right now!" Bartolomeo said with the cheer and raspiness of his voice that made him less and less Zoro-like.
Sanji hated that he had to remind himself of the same thing every time he looked at his face or his bright smile. The thought ruined the mood one too many times. The truth - this would never be the person he wanted.
"Thanks." He sighed, trying not to sound too disappointed. "Wanna go back in?"
Bartolomeo looked sheepish as he smiled apologetically "I was kinda thinkin' we were gonna continue..."
Sanji took out a cigarette. "I'm tired, plus, my friends will look for me if I'm gone too long." Only half of that was true. He knew that if push came to shove, Nami would cover for him. She knew of his "habits".
"You mean Mr. Luffy? Oh man, I'd love to meet him!"
The cook couldn't help but smile. Of course, even his rebound was in love with Luffy. "Oh yeah?" Maybe he could use it to his advantage. He stubbed out his cigarette in the wall. "Wanna meet him now?"
"Really!?" The man looked like a puppy. If he had a tail, he'd be wagging it. Sanji didn't know how he thought he could replace the angry mut-shaped hole Zoro left in him. To his credit, when the cook saw him across the room, the green-haired punk looked borderline murderous. Only when Sanji approached him did the man's face flash with recognition. Sanji was teetering on drunk enough to still ask him out back. Some people in the past had thought it was an invitation to fight, but this one pounced on the proposition without questioning it. Now that Sanji knew he was in love with the crew and mostly the captain, it made more sense.
They walked up to where the rest of the crew was. "Sanji! You're back!" Usopp flung himself, already tipsy and his words were slurred. "Nami made me drink shots with her for a bet. Zoro doesn't wanna take my side, help me..." He slumped.
Sanji helped him sit on one of the chairs with a backrest. "Yeah, yeah, I'm here now. You should know better than to take our talented Nami up on drinking challenges."
The table was mostly empty, with only Robin, Usopp, and Chopper sitting there. Sanji tried to convince himself that he wasn't disappointed when he didn't see Zoro. He looked back to see the new guy starry-eyed, his excitement showing a bit too much. "Guys," he motioned to Bartolomeo, "meet our biggest fan."
"We have a fan?" The captain jumped from behind them. "Really cool to meet you!" He laughed and stretched his hand to the rebound. He looked like he was going to faint.
"Oh my God, Mr. Luffy is talking to me!" He told himself.
It was painful for Sanji to watch, so he forced the fan's hand up to shake Luffy's own. Bartolomeo squeaked in a high pitch.
"He says that his name is Bartolomeo and this is the best day of his life," Sanji told Luffy.
"Wow, Sanji you're such a good translator, what language is he speaking?" Luffy asked genuinely.
"Probably 'idiot', as curly is so fluent in it." Zoro scoffed from behind Luffy.
Always behind Luffy.
"What did you say, Mosshead!?" Sanji took the opportunity to pick a fight. He knew it was childish to get the attention of the person he loved by annoying him, but he felt out of options. "Wanna start something? Huh?"
They bumped foreheads as usual and as usual, Sanji relished in the way he could feel the warm breath of the object of his pining on his face. It was hard for him not to smile but he had gotten better at hiding his joy with a snarky smirk.
Luffy's laugh boomed and Zoro pulled away. He had that soft expression only the captain could bring out of him. It made that uncomfortable tightness in the pit of his stomach churn. Sanji hated himself for ever being jealous of his captain for such a ridiculous reason. Luffy had done nothing but give him a family, a new home, and reasons to live, and here he was pathetically wishing for more. How much crueler could he be?
Nami, sweet and merciful Nami, appeared and gave Sanji an out of the awkward corner he put himself in again. "Nami, darling! You look stunning today!" He was thrilled to see her.
She gave him a single glance and furrowed her brows. He squinted painfully, hoping she'd understand what he was asking her. "Yeah, I know." She smiled. She looked at Bartolomeo and back at Sanji, who widened his teethy smile.
"No way! It's cat burglar Nami! It's an honor to meet you!" Bartolomeo looked so excited he could pass out.
The redhead looked at Sanji with a raised eyebrow before greeting their guest. "Yeah, nice to meet you..."
"Bartolomeo, I'm so happy to meet all of yous! It's a dream come true, I could die happy."
Luffy chuckled "This guy's so funny."
"Hey, Sanji, do you want to buy me a drink?" Nami turned to the blond, speaking loud enough so the rest didn't think much of it.
"Anything for you, my sweet!"
Once at the bar, they took a seat and Sanji met the pitiful look of his closest confidant.
"Well, he's... new." She spoke once she realized that he didn't have the nerve to. "You're usually more of the... I don't know... bruting type I guess."
"I am."
"I mean, hey, no shade. I see it as in the hair and..." she waved her hand for the lack of words, "I guess the body type but..." She raised her eyebrows and pierced her lips into a thin line.
Sanji only sighed and hunched in on himself.
"Oh, no, don't be like that." She patted his back in a soothing motion.
"I'm pathetic."
"I mean... yeah. But it's okay, it could've been worse!"
"How? How much worse could it be? I'm in love with a monkey man who's head over heels for another monkey! At this point, I don't know what I'm doing with myself."
Nami gave him an apologetic smile. "I know what it's like."
"Does..." he turned his head slightly, finally meeting her eyes, "does it get better?"
For a moment, she thought of telling him all the reassuring lies she told herself. But ultimately, she couldn't bring herself to do it. "No... not really." She took a big swig of her drink and ordered another.
"I appreciate the honesty." He laughed half-heartedly.
When it was finally time to go back to the ship, Sanji wondered if he could get away with staying behind. He couldn't bear watching Zoro carry Luffy's sleeping body out. Holding him like that and watching Luffy wrap his arms around the swordsman even in his unconscious state. What was the worst, was perhaps the small smile Zoro was watching his captain with.
The cook's chest felt heavy and he felt like there was a lump in his throat.
It wasn't raining, so Sanji had no reason to be upset. It wasn't raining so he didn't have the right.
"Mr cook, can you please make sure our swordsman doesn't get lost?" Robin asked as politely as always. And because the universe would crumble if it let him rest for one night, he couldn't say no to a lady, much more so to a nakama.
"Of course my lovely miss Robin!" He swooned exaggeratedly. The amount of fervor he displayed helped him mask.
He heard Zoro clock his tongue behind him. "No need."
Sanji turned to see him already turning the wrong way. "Oh, you have to be joking." The cook muttered before shouting "Hey mosshead! You're going the wrong way!"
Zoro turned to see him and flushed a light pink. "I know where I'm going!" He had never been a good liar, probably one of the qualities Sanji liked in him.
The swordsman started walking to the blond, bearing his teeth in defiance.
"Alright," Sanji let himself the small indulgence of taking a hold of the other's sleeve. If he felt particularly delusional, he could even believe it was just like holding hands. He was thankful he was in front of him enough so that the swordsman couldn't see the smile tugging insistently on the cook's lips.
Once on the ship, Zoro laid Luffy down on his bunk, looking at him for a few moments long enough to remind Sanji that his pining was very much one-sided. He walked out to the deck for a smoke. After his third cigarette, he decided he was going to wait a bit more. He didn't feel like going in and seeing the mosshead. Maybe he could just close his eyes for a bit.
When he opened his eyes again, it was to the sun above and his captain hovering in front of him. "Sanjiiii! You're awake!"
"Shit... what time is it?"Sanji blinked groggily.
"Time for breakfast, I'm hungryyy..." Luffy frowned.
"Sorry about that captain, I'll make you an extra snack for the afternoon. Okay?"
Luffy started jumping excitedly and cheering. His joy was contagious and Sanji couldn't hold back a smile at the little glutton's happiness.
"Luffy! I told you to let him sleep!" Nami shouted from the other end of the ship.
"I didn't wake him up though! He just woke up on his own!"
"Wasn't the breakfast Robin made you enough?!" She said again, annoyed.
"So you already ate?" Sanji raised an eyebrow.
Luffy got that expression when he was about to lie or say something absurdly honest. His eyebrows furrowed and he pinched his lips, looking away. "It's different... I want Sanji's food..." He crossed his arms and huffed.
So absurdly honest it was...
If he didn't know how Luffy was usually, the cook would have been embarrassed in his stead. "Will that stomach of yours ever be full?!" Sanji slapped the back of his head.
"ONLY WHEN SANJI COOKS FOR ME! YOSH!" His pouting deepened.
Sanji rolled his eyes and headed to his kitchen. Luffy followed.
When he opened the door he saw Robin and Chopper unloading the dishwasher that Franky installed but Sanji never really used it. He was too afraid of any of the dishes cracking or getting scratched.
"Oh, Robin, Chopper... so sweet of you to mmm... wash... the dishes." He forced a smile, trying to hide the pain at the thought of what his dishes and cutlery looked like after that porcelain deathtrap was done with them.
"We hope you had a nice rest, Mr cook." Robin smiled and Chopper mirrored her. "By the way, your green friend was looking for you. I think his ship is the one on the other side of the docks.
At first, Sanji's mind went to Zoro, as it usually did, but then he realized she was talking about that guy he hooked up with last night. He could feel a headache just imagining that conversation.
"Right. Thank you, Miss Robin." He smiled politely.
There was no reason for him to think it would rain, he kept an eye on the clouds and a few tricks Nami had taught him. The birds were flying high, the anthills were low - it wouldn't rain for a while. But he still felt a bit nervous.
While walking over through the ships, Sanji stopped wondering how he was going to know which one was the man's. The ship wasn't well maintained, yet the giant Luffy and Chopper ornaments seemed in pristine condition. He had a feeling he didn't want to actually get on board, but he really needed a cigarette before he did or didn't get on the vehicle. He was still lighting his cigarette when a familiar voice, much more sober than last time, called for him.
"Mista' Sanji! I was lookin' for ya!" The man jumped down from the ship.
"Yeah, I know, that's why I came here..."
Sanji took a deep inhale to get what he wanted to say in one go. "Look uh, I just wanna say I really respect ya," Bartolomeo started before Sanji could, "And I'm yous guys's biggest fan! Like, ever! But uh... I'm sorry if you gots the wrong idea last night."
The cook blinked dumbfounded. He was headed there thinking how to break it to this man that he was a rebound and now it felt like he was the one being broken up with.
"Don't get me wrong!" He quickly shook his head and hands defensively. "The thing is, I've gots a fiancé but we' both captains and we made a free pass list for five people we can uh, ya know, get it on with." He rambled on, now a bit more bashful. "And you's my numbe' two... so I... I mean you's like supe' attractive and amazing, kinda remind me of my fiancé, but I've promised myself to him so... I hope you can forgive me."
Sanji had no idea how to respond to the information the man just dumped on him. In all honesty, he was relieved. Mostly curious and maybe he shouldn't let it get the best of him but he couldn't help but ask.
"Can I... can I see the list? If you have a physical copy, that is..."
Bartolomeo said something uncomplicated that ended in "wait right here" and ran off. When he came back, Sanji found himself looking at another reminder that his name would always be second to Luffy. But then again, he shouldn't be surprised at that point. Third place was surprisingly Sniper King, then Robin, and Zoro. Next to each name were two sets of handwriting.
In blue, next to Sanji's name there was an angry "I do not look like that!" that was crossed out by black ink and a sloppy handwriting above it misspelled "handsome". Bartolomeo tracked his eyes and upon realizing what he was looking at snatched it away. "Ah, hahaha... uh, yeah, that's uh... yeah." He laughed nervously hiding the paper behind his back. It was an odd thing - Sanji had known this man for less than twenty-four hours and yet he felt more loved and complimented than when he was by the swordsman he's chased for two years. It was ridiculous how flattered he was.
Sanji found him kind of cute, maybe because of how flustered he got or how much, even at that moment, he reminded him of the mosshead. He leaned in and gave him a gentle peck on the cheek. "Thank you." He smiled and walked off.
He was a bit jealous, as much as he didn't want to admit it. He couldn't help but wish someone loved him enough to reject the people he idolized. He jumped on the back where the swordsman was taking a nap... Maybe one day. The sky seemed clear enough and that was all the proof he needed that things would be fine.
"Oh, Sanji. Good thing you're back, we're going to have to set sail now if we don't want to catch the storm." Nami said. "Can you wake Zoro up to help with the sails, that idiot has been sleeping all day."
"Yes, Nami dear!"
Having an unlucky "weather" was unconventional, to say the least. But seeing as how people had lucky numbers and even letters, what stopped Sanji from having an unlucky state of atmosphere?
It took two heartbreaks in his early childhood and two in his twenties to solidify it as fact - the rain only brought him pain.
It was pouring like someone had gutted the sky's underbelly when he stood by his mother's bedside and watched her life heart monitor stop. He cried and screamed at her bedside, clinging to her arm as the nurses pulled him away from her recently pronounced corpse. He was just a kid and yet the hospital staff cared more about his father than a grieving child. It would be a few years later that he found out how his father ordered the entire staff to not even let him in. "He's getting too soft," he had told them.
It was also surprisingly rainy on the day that Sanji decided to run away. Even though he tried to forget so hard, he still remembered the lightning striking as his father disowned him. He had never been proud of him, and Sanji knew that he was around four years old when he started reminding him daily that he would never be enough. He had never achieved what his siblings did, he was never worth being called his child. It was probably a good thing that it was raining that day, he believed that in a way it hid the ugly cries he tried so hard to suppress.
Needless to say, it made his appreciation for their navigator even greater. Knowing when it was going to rain or not, made it a bit easier to keep the anxiety at bay. She caught on to the fact that he was constantly looking out for the weather and that his chain-smoking got worse when it rained, but when he lied that it was so he could dress properly for the weather she never pushed him. And he loved that about her.
Thankfully, they avoided the rain. Sanji thanked everything in existence for the sunny weather and cloudless days.
He was thinking over his dinner plans as the navigator walked in.
"Hello, dear Nami, can I help you with anything?" Sanji offered in his usual pizzazz. "Perhaps something sweet for an afternoon snack or-"
"No, no need." She interrupted him. "I just came here to warn you that we might encounter a rainy cloud in a few hours."
Sanji's cigarette fell off his lips. He couldn't move.
"I'm saying this because lately, you've been really... off... around you-know-who, and maybe it would ease you to know a little ahead of time." She looked at him with pity. God, was he that pathetic?
He smiled brightly and lit another cigarette. "Oh, no need to check in like this. Thank you I'm great but there really wasn't any need for this. Not that I wouldn't love any chance to see you!"
The door crashed open in an all too familiar way. "Cook. Booze." The swordsman stated rather than asked.
"Fuck off, can't you see I'm talking to a lovely lady?"
Zoro looked around confused. "The witch?"
That earned a kick that Zoro skillfully deflected, and a punch from Nami herself, which he didn't manage to avoid. "I told you to stop calling me that!" She shouted and walked out.
The swordsman made a sour face and flopped on the couch. "So..."
"I'm not giving you anything before dinner -"
"You really are acting weird." His posture was far too relaxed for the words that nearly left Sanji breathless for the second time that evening.
"What the hell are you talking about?" Sanji turned to rummage through the cabinets.
"I heard some of what she-"
"Do marimos not know it's rude to eavesdrop? Does mossy school not teach you?" Sanji pitched his voice to sound as mocking as possible. He grabbed the cheapest bottle from the cupboard and turned to see Zoro was staring at him unamused. He might actually be serious. Sanji turned back to grab three more bottles. Leaving them on the table in front of Zoro he pointed at them. "Two of those are for dinner. Don't drink all of them." A lie. In fact, it was more of a challenge. He knew that Zoro would down them in the blink of an eye but it would keep him off Sanji's back and that was the main goal.
He walked out of the kitchen and up to the railing of the ship. Staring at the sky, he needed to prove to himself that it wasn't raining. He wasn't exactly a superstitious person but there were some things that felt like self-fulfilling prophecies.
"Do you want to try my spot?" Luffy offered.
Sanji, who wasn't sure when he had spaced out, looked at his captain who was sitting at the head of the sunny. "That's really nice of you, but I think I'll pass..."
"It's really nice here." Luffy walked off his spot. "I'm gonna leave it for a bit. If you want to keep it safe until I come back..." He smiled and walked off.
The cook had never sat there, since it seemed extremely uncomfortable, but now it was almost tempting. Once he went up, the view of the overwhelmingly vast sea flooded his thoughts. The breeze was strong and refreshing. If he laid back and closed his eyes for a moment, he shouldn't be blamed if he drifted off for a few minutes.
Sanji was woken up by a rude "Hey, Luffy!" He opened his eyes to meet a furrowed single eye staring at him angrily.
"This isn't the time to be playing games shitty cook. Wake him up."
There was a weight on one of Sanji's legs, which turned out to be the captain, who had "reclaimed" his seat, pushing, but not fully, Sanji back so they could both fit on the lion's head. The cook kicked the air, so Luffy would fly over both their heads and fall onto the deck. And even though he did what the swordsman asked of him, the shitty marimo looked just as pissed off. He really didn't feel like fighting and the clouds seemed too pent up for him to push his luck. He decided to just lock himself in the kitchen and wait for the weather out. When he walked in he was met with four untouched bottles of alcohol standing where he had left them. Before he could lock the door behind himself, Zoro had walked in, blocking the way.
"What do you want?" Sanji shouted. He didn't mean to, but he could smell the rain coming. Looking at the deck, he could see the little droplets hitting the wood. His skin was crawling. How could he run away without running away?
"What the hell is up with you?" Zoro asked.
"Why should I tell you?" With his thoughts swarming in panic of the rain and a plan of a swift exit, he forgot to deny anything was wrong at all.
"Because we're nakama."
Sanji rolled his eyes, looking behind Zoro to make sure that if he kicked him backward no one would think it was odd. But it was too late. Luffy was already behind him and looking at Sanji with worried brows.
"Sanji, is something wrong?"
"No! I mean- Yes two idiots aren't letting me get through the doorway. Now move!"
"No." Zoro insisted.
Luffy's expression shifted. He was serious now, there was no escape. Fuck, where was Nami when he needed her? "Sanji, if Zoro thinks there's something this serious, I need you to tell me what's wrong, yourself."
The cook couldn't contain the hysterical laugh that came out of him. He felt like he was about to have an emotional meltdown if he didn't get out soon. Cornered, like he was going sink through the floor. He needed air. He needed more air.
Luffy put a hand on Zoro's shoulder. "I don't think we're helping..."
"No," Zoro said, leaning his head like he would usually do when they headbutted when sparring.
But Sanji didn't feel like doing their usual routine. In fact, it only infuriated him to suggest this was their usual fight. He launched himself, knocking his head to Zoro's with the intent to hurt him. And so he did. Zoro stumbled backward. He was about to scold the blond but the tears in his eyes stopped him.
"You thickheaded bafoon! Can you leave me alone for one shitty day?" He shouted, no doubt involuntarily making the rest of the crew part of their scuffle. "Doesn't it satisfy your ego that you're in my sleep and dreams, you- you dense fuck? Can you leave me head for one day?!"
Zoro stared at him, not saying anything.
Somehow the quiet, filled only with the sound of rain, made him even angrier.
"Why are you so quiet all of a sudden?" Sanji asked, in a much quieter, desperate manner. "Just tell me you don't love me and get it over with..."
The swordsman stayed quiet. The lack of words was enough to communicate all he needed to know. Sanji shoved his way through and hurried his step to the pantry.
Now that he ruined the dynamic on the ship, he had ruined another home. Why couldn't he just keep his emotions in check? There he was, wishing that his father's experiments took effect then and there, what wouldn't he give to have no emotions?
Looking out the window, he saw Nami enter the room. She kneeled down to where he was sitting. She stayed quiet as she gave him a hug.
"It won't stop... it won't stop raining..." He said and felt her hands rub circles on his back. "I- why is it still raining?"