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It was over. All the bloodshed, the death, all of it. The heroes had won, barely, and the world was at peace. No more fear, no more blood. Everyone could go on with their lives, live in peace and safety. That's what was supposed to happen. So why wasn't he happy? Why was Izuku "Deku" Midoriya, the Symbol of Hope, scared of the way the shadows moved? Why did he freeze at the whispers of the breeze telling him "Destruction is all that awaits you,"?
He shivered against the sheets, his blanket tight around his body. It crushed him beneath its weight. His lungs compressed under the pressure of what wasn't there, and he gasped, a shuddering sob escaping him. It was three in the morning, and he hadn't slept in days. Tomorrow they were to start classes again, their complementary week off after the war was up. Everyone was back to normal now. Everyone, except him.
He pushed the weight off, the blanket tumbling to the ground from the force. A cold sweat dripped down his neck as he sat up, his head spinning with the movement. His shoulders shook and his heart pounded, his body full of adrenaline with nowhere to go. His chest stuttered as he made his way out of his room and to the kitchen. He'd become very acquainted with a cold glass of water over the past week. He held it in his hands as he slumped over the table. The chill soaked into his bones, chasing away the warm film of freshly spilled blood that was beneath his skin.
His fingers ached with the cold, the damage to them had made them sensitive. He ignored them, just allowing them to throb in agony as the cool chill became a bitter nip. His shoulders ached with tension, and his eyes burned dry. Through the darkness he could faintly see the floor beneath him, and he trailed his eyes over the grain of the wood. He'd been gone for so long at the dorms, he'd almost forgotten flooring could be anything but carpet and dust.
Concrete crumbled beneath his fingertips; buildings fell to nothing but dust. People faded into the dirt. What are you doing, Deku? Save them.
A click of a doorknob made him jump, electricity crackling down his arms as his head shot up. His mother stared back at him, the light from her bedroom cascading into the room. He squinted against its sharp sting, the stabbing pain of his electricity fading. Her eyes softened, her teeth biting her lip. She looked worried, worried about him. What a great hero he was, making his mother worry.
"Couldn't sleep again, baby?" Her voice was soft, barely audible over the still air. A gentle singing voice that he'd nearly forgotten. When was the last time someone had spoken to him softly? All he knew was yelling. All he knew was screaming. He hummed, watching as she opened a cabinet and floated some tea down to her hands. Even her quirk was gentle. Even her quirk was quiet. "I bought a Chamomile blend from the market a few days before...everything. I haven't tried it yet, but I hear it's some of the best around. Would you like to try some, Izuku?"
He nodded, before correcting himself.
"Yes, yes please," His voice broke with the effort to whisper. Inko didn't acknowledge it, she simply smiled and took his now warm glass of water from him. He watched as she set up the teapot, humming to herself softly. She rustled through some more cabinets and had some cookies glide to the table, landing delicately in front of him. The tea whistled, and a steaming hot cup was placed in front of him too, Inko following with her own.
"It seems so early to be sending you kids back to class," She hummed softly. He blew on his tea, watching the steam raise into the air. It reminded him of smoke, of burning. Inko continued, watching him gently. "Are you sure you're ready? I'm sure I could squeeze you an extra day out,"
He shook his head and smiled at her, trying his best to look reassuring.
"I'll be fine, Mom. I'm a UA Student, I can handle some homework," She frowned, and her soft hand rested on his callused one. He paused, glancing at it and then back at her.
"Right, you are a student, Izuku. It's okay if you want a day off, even if it's to do nothing,"
His heart churned, he couldn't take a day off. He'd already taken a week off. He was already behind, what would his classmates think of him? What would the world think of him? He had to do this, he was Deku, the Symbol of Hope.
"I said I'll be fine, Mom. I'm a hero, what else would I be doing?" He snapped, pulling his hand away. Her eyes shifted, filling with an emotion he couldn't describe. Awkwardness rushed through him at the newfound silence. He sipped his tea, slurping it a little too loudly. She sighed after looking at him for a moment, finishing her tea and standing. She washed her glass and dried her hands before turning back to him. He bristled under her gaze. She watched him like he was new, like he was different. Something to be analyzed or understood. She looked defeated, whatever she was looking for wasn't there. She turned back to her bedroom door, glancing over her shoulder at him.
"Have a good day at school tomorrow, baby. I'll see you during the weekend," The click of the door finished her sentence. He watched as the light beneath it disappeared, and he grumbled. Of course he'd be fine, what was she thinking? He had literally just gotten out of war, of course he could handle some damn classwork. He stormed off to his room, a faint feeling of guilt trailing behind him.
The sun shone down onto the UA building, its glass walls shimmering in the light. It was like a beacon, a ray of light in the dark. A reminder that the dark couldn't get them anymore. He squinted against the light, its brightness irritating his dry eyes. He'd spent so much time in the dark of his room the past week, it was no wonder his eyes burned at the literal glowing building in front of him. He frowned, watching students hustle back and forth across the campus. Everyone was told that their first day back at school would be 'stress-free', as in they'd spend the day doing nothing and falling even more behind. Why bring them back at all? How could they keep the villains from returning again if they slacked off? Evil never sleeps, so neither should he.
He stalked his way to homeroom, avoiding the prying eyes of his peers. They knew who he was, everyone did. He brought an end to the war. He was the world's hero. The Symbol of Hope. His shoulders tightened as he pulled open the door to his classroom, familiar faces lingering. The same, yet so different. A light tension was settled over the room, eyes darted around, and hands were tense with empty threats. Heroes at the ready, because evil never sleeps.
Quiet whispering was the only sound in the room, his classmates trying to chat amongst each other. The paranoid glances around the room and the tension in their muscles gave them away, however. They were afraid. He was too, he thought. Afraid that the peace would only last so long. A week was a long time for villains to prepare. It was only a matter of time before they decided to rise again. It was only a matter of time before a new threat faced them, because while Tomura Shigaraki was no more, his motivations weren't. It was only natural to assume that another person wronged by the very system he's in would want to destroy it.
What kind of system is that, really? A system of heroes, born and bred to be saviors, creating the very thing they fight against? Shigaraki had specifically asked for him in that war. He had asked for him because he was a big part of the system that had ruined him. He had The Symbol of Peace's quirk for fucks sake, how could he not be to blame? Izuku "Deku" Midoriya, The Symbol of Hope, the reason Shigaraki wanted the world to crumble.
Screaming, blood curdling screaming echoes in his ears. He couldn't tell where it was coming from, it was all around and nowhere all at once. Save them, Deku. They're screaming for you.
The classroom doors slid open, and their homeroom teacher hobbled into the room. His metal leg clanked as it bent, and when he turned to face them from behind the podium his eye patch sent a chill down Deku's spine. It was vacant and empty, like the socket behind it. A piece left behind with the villains that took it. A reminder of everything they'd lost.
"Class," He greeted lowly. Murmurs greeted him back, low and quiet. An awkward tension flooded his bones. Aizawa's singular eye scanned the room, reading their faces. Studying them, understanding them. Deku bristled underneath his gaze. Would people please just stop looking at him? Aizawa continued after a beat, unphased by the tension in the room. "As you know, today is a stress-free day. You will not be receiving any classwork or training. Instead, Nezu has prepared a special schedule full of games and activities. After homeroom, you will all make your way to Ground Beta to engage in these. There will also be counselors and privacy given to you at your request. Please pass these schedules back and look them over with your peers,"
Aizawa retreated to his sleeping bag, but he didn't sleep like he usually would. Instead, he watched as the students grabbed their schedules and started to whisper amongst themselves. Deku clenched his jaw as he skimmed the schedule. They had the day almost entirely at Ground Beta, with a break for lunch halfway through. They had everything listed, anything from arts and crafts to sports or even a teacher accompanied walk around the school if you wished. What a waste of time. Shouldn't they be focused on training now more than ever? There was no telling when they'd need to be on their guards again.
The discomfort on his classmates' faces assured him that he wasn't the only one thinking this way. What was Nezu thinking? They were heroes, they needed to be ready for anything. Isn't that the whole reason they were in this school? The bell rang, and everyone slowly made their way to Ground Beta. Walking in, you almost wouldn't recognize the place. It had been cleared of any training materials and instead filled with tables and chairs. Class B students littered the room, some in beanbags, some playing badminton just outside the doors.
Deku watched as his classmates slowly dispersed into the room. Some chose to chat with other students, and others headed to the sports area. He hung back, surveying the room again. Their teachers lingered around different corners of the room, watching the students and chatting amongst themselves. There were a few unfamiliar faces around too- he assumed those were the counselors Aizawa had mentioned. A hand rested on his shoulder, startling him. He whipped around and met piercing blue eyes with his panicked ones. His shoulders slumped slightly.
"Young Midoriya," All Might greeted. Deku allowed some of the tension to drain from his legs. It was only his mentor, but he still needed to be alert. "Will you not be joining your peers? There are many things to do today, would you like me to show you around?"
"No. I mean, no thanks, All Might. I'd like to spar or study more than anything,"
All Might frowned slightly, and Deku frowned back at him.
"Nezu has restricted any typical school activities for the day, so I'm afraid I can't let you do that."
A pulse of anger coursed through his veins. Who was Nezu to tell him what he could and couldn't do?
"Yeah, well, telling us what to do is what got us here in the first place, isn't it?" All Might winced, rubbing the bag of his neck with his hand. They were the whole reason they had gone to war in the first place, and everyone knew it.
"You have a right to be angry, Young Midoriya," All Might paused briefly, as if determining what he should say next. Why bother hesitating? He wouldn't break over some words. They hadn't thought him fragile when they sent him into the battlefield. "However, I do recommend that you allow yourself some time away from the anger. Or, if you'd like, I could escort you to a counselor-"
"I don't need a counselor," Deku snapped, pushing All Might's hand off his shoulder. All Might looked down at him in shock, why was everyone fucking looking at him? "I need to study, I need to train, I can't just let myself fall behind because some teachers want me to give up," His mentor opened his mouth to respond, but he didn't stay to hear it. Instead, he walked right back out the Ground Beta doors, leaving All Might staring behind him.
The sun beat down on his face as he walked, his eyes burned against the light. They weren't supposed to head to the dorms until later, but he figured it didn't change anything to go there now. It wasn't like he was missing anything important. The campus was mostly empty besides a few stragglers, everyone being either in Ground Beta or their classrooms. The silence of the campus was deafening, his own footsteps pounding too loudly in his ears. It hadn't been this quiet in a long time. He couldn't quite get used to it. He could hear his heart race as the silence grew on. The tension in the air only kept growing. It felt like something was supposed to happen. What it was, he didn't know, but anticipation ate away at him as he approached the dormitory buildings.
The doors creaked open loudly, the hinges clearly hadn't been tended to in a while. As he stepped inside, he glanced around. The commons were barren, a slight chill in the air made him shudder. It was dark too, which his eyes appreciated. The place almost looked like it had been abandoned. Every pillow on the couch was exactly where they had left it, every counter had a small film of dust. Had they seriously not cleaned up at all? He sighed and walked towards the supply closet, at least he had something to do now. Something productive.
He grabbed some cleaning supplies and shut the door behind him. The click of the knob boomed quietly behind him. The silence was getting to him, every noise was too much and not enough at the same time. Quickly he got to work sprucing the commons up a little bit. The sound of the vacuum sucking up the dirt eased something in his body. He watched as the dust was sucked into the bag, a strange relaxation coming over him.
His throat itched, the air was full of dust and debris. How many buildings had he crumbled now? Too many. It was making his chest hurt. His lungs burned from the dust. Save them, Deku.
The sound of a door opening startled him from his thoughts. He set down the cleaning rag he was using on the counters- when had he started wiping the counters? - and turned to face the sound. Metal clanging echoed into the room as Aizawa sauntered in, glancing at him. He didn't seem too surprised to see him here and appeared more interested in the rag in his hands.
"I don't think this qualifies as a 'stress-free' activity, Problem Child," He hummed. Deku scowled and quickly went back to scrubbing the counters. There was a little too much force behind his work, but he didn't care at the moment. Couldn't anyone tell that he wanted to be alone? Aizawa watched him for a moment longer before grabbing the pillows scattered around the couch. He began to fluff and straighten them, placing them back on their respective cushions with calculated care. Deku glanced at him, watching as he then grabbed a blanket and fixed it up too, placing it back where it belonged.
They worked silently, the only noise in the room was the sound of a broom or their own footsteps. Aizawa opened the windows and dusted them, Deku wiped off the coffee table and dusty TV. If it weren't for the sounds of cleaning, Deku would have gone stir crazy. Did it have to be so quiet? For the first time in the past week, he wished someone would say something. His jaw ached with how firmly he had it clenched. His arms itched with a desire he couldn't quite place. He needed something, anything, but what he didn't know.
He glanced back at Aizawa, who was now dusting off the bookshelves. He looked relaxed, his shoulders slumped down and posture loose. His hair was up in a loose bun and his stubble had been cleaned up a little since the last time Deku had seen him. Any stranger would've never guessed that he had just lost two parts of himself in a war. Nobody would know the lives lost at first glance. Here, he just looked like a man. Not a hero, not a teacher, just a man cleaning a bookshelf. It was surreal.
Aizawa paused his motions but didn't turn as he spoke.
"I may have a blind spot now, but I can still feel you staring at me."
Deku flushed with embarrassment as his teacher smirked. Aizawa set down the duster and turned to face him fully now, one brow raised inquisitively. "Are you going to tell me why you're in here, or are we going to keep cleaning? We could work on the bathrooms next," He chuckled as Deku scrunched his nose and set down his rag.
"I just wanted something to do I guess," He admitted softly. Aizawa walked forward, choosing to sit on the arm of the couch. He crossed his arms and stared at him. Deku resisted the urge to curl up into a ball under his gaze.
"So, the training grounds full of activities gave you nothing to do?" His teacher teased, and his heart flipped in embarrassment. That probably did sound kind of dumb, didn't it?
"Nothing productive," He stammered. Aizawa tilted his head, which prompted him to continue. "I just- how are you okay with letting us sit around and do nothing? We're heroes, we should be training and studying," Aizawa hummed in understanding, readjusting his posture. He leaned onto the back of the couch some more, his legs now stretched off the arm and onto the ground.
"I don't think it's nothing," He responded after a moment. Deku felt his face scrunch in confusion. How was it not nothing? Aizawa continued, cutting off his thoughts. "A hero is more than just a hero, and part of our responsibility is to take care of every part of us. How can we protect and care for the civilians if we can't do it for ourselves?"
"But how does arts and crafts contribute to comforting civilians?" The words fell off his tongue dumbly. Of course, they were more than heroes, they also had to be emotional support for the people they saved. When someone goes through a traumatic event, they need a special kind of care and compassion. It was one of the first things they learned at UA. Aizawa stared at him, perplexed.
"What exactly qualifies as a hero to you, Midoriya?"
His brain stalled. What kind of question was that?
"Someone who saves people from villain attacks, and comforts civilians in need," Apparently, this answer did not appease Aizawa. Instead, his teacher leaned forward, an odd intensity in his eye.
"What else?" What else? What else was there? Heroes didn't do much more than fighting and rescuing. The sound of laughter outside distracted him, and he glanced at the door. Aizawa hummed, standing up and stretching. "It sounds like your peers are done at Ground Beta," Aizawa glanced at him one last time, the intensity in his eye still there. "I have an assignment for you, Problem Child. If you can learn the answer to my question, and tell me, I'll talk to Nezu about sparing you from any more 'stress-free' days," Then he left just as he had appeared. Answer his question? He could do that; it was probably in one of their textbooks somewhere. He really needed to study.
Dinner tonight was served by Lunch Rush, probably to prevent any students having to worry about making it. It was a decent meal, but Deku's stomach still churned with every bite. This wasn't right, Lunch Rush should be preparing the menu for lunch tomorrow. Why was he wasting his time cooking up dinner that they should be making? His hands itched with the urge to do something again, and he glanced up as his classmates. They were quietly muttering to each other, the food and company seemingly helping to settle their nerves. All it did was heighten Deku's senses, all these people in the same place, defenseless to anything that could happen.
"Izuku, did you do anything this past week?" Ochako's voice caught his attention, and he glanced up. He raised a brow, and she took another bite of her food before continuing. "Nobody really heard from you, so I was just wondering if you did anything fun? My parents bought me tickets to a little festival nearby, it was a nice distraction!"
Distraction? They couldn't afford any distractions right now, what were they thinking?
"Nope, just studied," He said blandly. Ochako gave a surprised 'oh!' and her face fell. Honestly, what was she expecting? He looked back down at his bowl as the conversation around him awkwardly picked up again. After a few forced bites, he decided to abandon his efforts and instead fled to his room. He didn't look behind him. He needed to find the answer to Aizawa's question.
What else?
He shut the door behind him as he made his way into his dorm. The smell of dust filled his nose as he looked around. Everything was exactly as he'd left it. His bed was slightly unkempt. His desk still had old homework sitting on it. He tossed it in the trash, it wasn't like he'd need it anymore.
He dug around and set his Heroics textbooks on his desk, opening the first one to the Table of Contents. He flipped to his desired page and skimmed it quickly, his face falling.
"What does it mean to be a hero? A hero is a person who uses their quirk (i.e a special ability) to rescue, protect, and comfort civilians in need."
That's it? He had to be missing something, why would Aizawa ask a question with no answer? He tossed that textbook to the side and quickly opened the next one.
"Hero
1. a person who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities:
'He's a Pro Hero! They'll protect us!' "
No, that's not it either.
"A professional hero, or Pro Hero, is a licensed graduate of a heroics school that uses their quirk to protect and serve their communities, often putting their lives on the line."
One of these has to have the answer, right?
"A Pro Hero is just as it sounds, a hero. A person willing to risk themselves and their lives to protect the civilians they care about."
Deku groaned in frustration, slamming the textbook shut. Was it a trick question? Was there no answer at all? Aizawa didn't usually give them trick questions, why would he start now? His hands gripped his hair, and he tugged at it in frustration. He shouldn't even be worrying about this right now, he should be training and studying for classes. The ringing of his phone interrupted his thoughts, and he glanced down. 'Mom' shone bright on his screen, and after a moment's pause, he answered.
"Hello?"
"Izuku, baby! I was worried I wouldn't catch you before you went to bed! How are things? Are you settling back in well?"
His heart warmed slightly; this was almost exactly what she had said when he first moved into the dorms. Except, there were a lot more tears then. A lot more.
"I'm good Mom. I'm just reading some textbooks, don't want to fall too behind," He hummed softly, glancing at the damned books on his desk. His mom made a soft noise in response. She sounded confused.
"Textbooks? I thought they were doing a relaxing day today; did they really send you back to work so soon?" Deku bit his tongue, an unwarranted flash of anger in his veins. His mom meant well, he had no reason to lash out at her. Again.
"Actually, I'm just doing this myself, gotta make sure I keep doing my best!" He laughed softly, trying to lighten the mood. His mom laughed back, soft and sweet.
"Well, resilience has always been one of your strong points, just, be careful Izuku. Don't overwork yourself, okay?"
He hesitated; how should he respond? His mom was always so worried about him, and he'd already been so cruel to her the day before. He bit his lip.
Inko continued, seemingly noticing his silence. "I know, Izuku. I forgive you; you've been through a lot. I'll always be proud of you, my sweet boy. Just make sure you always come home to me, okay?"
"I will," His voice cracked with the words. He could practically hear his mom's warm smile through the phone. "I'm sorry, I don't know what's gotten into me,"
"We'll figure it out together then, my baby," she reassured him so easily, like it was natural. As if she were just breathing. He breathed in, willing the stinging in his eyes to go away.
"Goodnight, Mom. I love you," he said softly, barely audible through the phone. He didn't want to break this delicate conversation. He didn't want to ruin it with his anger.
"I love you too. Sleep well, Izuku. I'll call you again soon, okay?"
He agreed, and then she was gone. The silence echoed in his ears. He became increasingly aware of how dry his throat was, and how badly he needed a tissue. Stupid tears.
He sighed and made his way back out into the hall. Everyone was probably done eating by now, he could sneak a drink of water and head to the showers. He probably didn't smell too good; he hadn't exactly taken care of himself recently. He knows his mom noticed, that's probably why she called him so soon. He needs to make her proud, and he can do that by showering. He kept his footsteps light as he made his way down the hall. He could see some lights shining from under doors, and voices echoing through them. He couldn't tell what they were saying, but there were at least two in every room he passed. His classmates always seemed to like company, especially after hard situations. He was most likely the only one alone. The thought caused a twinge in his chest.
The kitchen was empty, illuminated only by the warm light of the stove. His slippers made no sound against the tile floor. His skin prickled at the lack of sound. It was like the very air had stilled. He quickly grabbed a glass and filled it with water, deciding to bring it up to his room with him. The silence was unnerving, he couldn't stand it any longer. He fled to his room, ignoring the sound of a door opening behind him. He chugged his glass quickly, slamming it down with a little too much force.
He needed to hear something, anything. He grabbed his clothes and rushed to the showers. This room was much brighter than the kitchen, and his eyes burned slightly. The sounds of a shower at the other end of the room told him that he wasn't the only one with this idea. The sound soothed him a little. In a weird way, it was comforting. He turned on his own shower and watched the steam rise as the water heated up. Stepping in, he decided this was the best idea he'd ever had. The hot water quickly eased pains he didn't even know he'd had.
He titled his head back, allowing the water to flatten his curls. The pressure against his head was soothing, easing the throbbing headache he also hadn't noticed. It was amazing what something as simple as a shower could do. He soaked up the heat a little longer before washing himself up. As nice as it was, it was late, and he needed to go to bed soon. They were supposed to slowly start getting back into regular classwork, and he was eager. He wished they'd just throw them back in now, like they should've done from the beginning.
He stepped out and dried himself off, dressing himself quickly. As he stepped out into the main area to brush his teeth, he spotted the other inhabitant of the bathroom, who was seemingly done with his shower. Bakugou glanced back at him, not sparing him much more than a second before getting back to brushing his teeth. More like grinding them to be honest, with how frayed his toothbrush was. Bakugou hadn't dressed yet, so other than his bath towel he was completely visible. Deku's eyes locked onto the scar stretching across his chest.
All those scars, completely visible. All of them, his fault. A dark feeling rose in his own chest, and he glanced in the mirror. His own scars stretched across his arms, and he traced them with his finger through his shirt when they reached his chest.
"You self-conscious or somethin' now?" The slurred speech interrupted him. Bakugo spit out his toothpaste and glared at him. Deku stared back, unsure of what to say. What could he say? Bakugou scoffed. "Did you forget how to talk? Not that hard of a question,"
Deku felt his face twist into a snarl.
"Maybe that's what you should do, Kacchan," He stormed out of the bathroom, leaving Bakugou staring behind him. Always such an asshole, even after the worst event they could've gone through. After he saved Deku's life. Typical. He'd probably hold it over his head for the rest of time. He slammed his bedroom door behind him and threw himself into bed. He ignored how his wet hair quickly soaked his pillows. He had more important things to worry about, like classes tomorrow. He didn't need other people getting in his way.
This was the worst excuse for a class that Deku had ever seen. Crafting? Future Pros, sitting in their homeroom making stupid little crafts? His scowl seemed to stretch across the room, if the awkward looks his peers were giving him were any indication. Aizawa glanced at him before turning to the board, writing out the instructions he had just given them.
"What makes you happy? Using the materials below, please create a replica of whatever that is. We will share with the class with your consent at the end.
Materials:
Colored construction paper
Pipe cleaners
Beads
Glitter
Hot Glue
If you'd like something specific, please ask."
What makes him happy? Locking up villains and rescuing civilians is what made him happy. Why else would he be enrolled in this school? Excited chatter filled his ears as his classmates made their way to each other's desks, presumably to build together. The sound of a chair sliding across the floor caught his attention and he glanced up. Todoroki glanced back at him, placing his chair beside Deku and plopping down. Iida and Ochako were not far behind, Iida pausing briefly to scold Tokoyami for sitting on the desks.
"Hey Deku! I hope you don't mind, but we saw everyone else grouping up and we thought we'd come over with you," Ochako beamed. Her smile was bright, but the eyebags under her eyes gave her away. She wanted company. Who would Deku be to turn her away? He slid his materials to the side, so they'd have a little more room for their own. It was cramped, with Todoroki having to press his shoulder right against his, but it was oddly comforting. When was the last time someone other than his mother had touched him? Unless you counted All Might.
Cold hard guilt rushed through him. All Might. He hadn't even apologized to the man. In fact, he's not even sure he's seen him at all today. Did he miss today because of him? He bit his lip, not sure why he felt so guilty about this. It wasn't like he hadn't had a valid reason. Right?
Iida sat in his chair with a sigh, glancing back at the class with a look of disappointment.
"Honestly, you'd think they were raised in a barn! How hard is it to sit in a chair properly?"
Ochako giggled and swatted his arm, and Deku smiled slightly.
"Oh, come on Iida, it's an easy day! Surely, we can bend a few rules?"
Iida huffed in response, dissatisfied but seemingly unwilling to push against her. She giggled again before picking up a sheet of green paper and some scissors. Todoroki glanced at her curiously, holding his own piece of red paper he'd cut into a half circle. A bowl?
"What are you creating, Ochako?" Deku found himself asking. She blushed sheepishly and rubbed the back of her neck.
"Well, since the project was to make something that makes us happy, and nothing makes me happier than money," She trailed off, and Iida sputtered in shock.
"Money? Are you making your project into money? Ochako, that is against the morals we as heroes should hold," He chopped the air wildly as he spoke, Ochako leaning back to avoid getting hit. She laughed; her face red with embarrassment. Deku glanced at Todoroki, who was now cutting a beige piece of paper. Todoroki glanced back at him.
"Soba," Simple and to the point. Deku nodded at him and looked to his own. He could probably make something, at least just to join his friends. It couldn't hurt, could it? What would he make? His mind blanked. What makes you happy? His eyes drifted to a green piece of paper, a little darker than the one Ochako was using.
"Just make sure you always come home to me, okay?"
He grabbed some scissors and started cutting. He listened to his friends bicker and laughed softly. The close contact and noise was something he hadn't even known he needed until now. He folded his paper carefully and used some colored markers to add details. He was gentle with his movements, taking more care of this paper than he had of himself in a long time. A smile rested on his lips, and he wasn't quite sure when it had gotten there.
"Class, it's time to present your projects. I'll call your names one by one, and if you'd like to present them then please do so," Their teachers voice disrupted them.
Aoyama was called first, and he showed his product with pride.
"The thing that makes me happiest is being fabulous!" His project was a little replica of himself, absolutely drenched in glitter. It was almost its own beacon with how much light was bouncing off it. He squinted, and he could tell he wasn't the only one. Aoyama bowed and made his way to his seat. Ashido made her way up next.
"Pink is what makes me happiest!" It was a collection of everything pink they'd been given. Paper, marker, glitter, and so on. It was a pink disaster. Fitting. She sat, and the class continued on with their own. Nobody declined to share.
"Kero, I really like lily pads," Tsuyu.
"Books are the most important thing anyone could use!" Iida.
"Money! Buying stuff makes me happy!" Ochako, and a few snickers rose at this one.
"Karate!" Ojiro, a little karate belt.
"Video games, nothing better!" Kaminari, a game controller.
"Pushing that iron!" Kirishima, a dumbbell.
He watched as one by one; every student presented their project. Bakugou stood up next, proudly making his way to the front.
"Blowing up those bastards to smithereens!" It was a dismembered figurine of a person, with Xs over the eyes and doodled on blood. Aizawa facepalmed, and Kirishima scolded him from his seat. Bakugou scoffed as he was sent back to his seat.
"Midoriya?" He glanced up. Everyone was looking at him in curiosity. He glanced down at his project.
"I'll pass, please," Aizawa nodded and moved on to Mineta, who was immediately sent out for creating a nude girl. Deku glanced down at his project again, little green eyes looking back up at him. What makes you happy?
"I'll always be proud of you, my sweet boy."
Inko's face met his own. It was doodled onto his paper figurine with the utmost care and attention. It smiled at him just as warmly as she did. When the bell rang, he tucked it into his bag as carefully as possible, making sure not to dent it. He stood and made his way to the door, his friends walking up beside him.
"What did you make, Izuku?"
Iida scolded Ochako quickly.
"Be considerate! If he wanted to share, he would have! It could be very upsetting!"
Deku glanced at him.
"Not upsetting, just... personal," He paused momentarily. Todoroki nodded in understanding, holding his paper soba close.
Deku felt his heart quicken with nerves. They normally had training next, but he wasn't sure if he could stomach it. He didn't want to face All Might right now, whether it was because of guilt or anger, he didn't know. He listened to everyone talk amongst themselves as they made their way to the changing rooms. They had been given regular gym uniforms for the day, as their hero costumes were still under repair. How many scars would be shown? How many were his fault? His mood soured as quickly as it had brightened. Why had he even come today?
He made his way to his locker to slip into his gym clothes. He could hear Kirishima in the background showing off his new scars, and talking about how manly they were. He could hear the way the others praised him and showed off their own. Bakugou was especially proud, bragging about how he came back from the dead.
Deku looked at his own scars with disgust. War had put them there, a battle that they had almost lost. One that he had almost lost. There was nothing to be proud of. He pulled his shirt down to cover his chest, and mourned how his arms were exposed. He can't hide forever, he supposed.
All Might was waiting for them out in the field. He glanced at Deku, who looked away. All Might sighed and gave them their instructions. They were going to do a scavenger hunt. There were 20 flags, each with one of their names on it. Two teams would be competing. The team with the most flags won, and you had to do whatever it took to win. Stealing flags was allowed, as was ambushing and other strategy moves. He would be on Team One with Tsuyu, Sato, Aoyama, Iida, Kirishima, Sero, Mineta, Jirou, and Kaminari. The teams would start on opposite sides of Ground Gamma and meet at the end to count their flags.
Easy enough. Too easy. Deku's muscles ached with disuse. Some movement was long overdue, and while he wished this was regular training, he'd take what he could get. He followed his team as they made their way to their starting positions, listening to them chatter.
"Oh yeah! This is gonna be so fun, aren't you excited?" Kaminari cheered, wrapping his arm around Jirou's shoulders. Jirou grunted and shoved him off, ignoring his cries of betrayal. She smirked at him while he wailed.
"I am! I've been dying to get the blood pumping! All that laying around has put me off my game," Kirishima punched his fists together, hardening his arms.
Sero nodded beside him, stretching his arms above his head and leaning to either side.
"True that! I got winded going up the stairs yesterday! Me! I was so mad at myself."
Mineta snickered at him and made a joke about how he'd love to be winded by one of the girls. Tsuyu smacked him with her tongue, and he burst into tears.
"That hurt!"
"Good," She said blandly. Deku hopped from foot to foot, his heart pumping. He hadn't used his quirk in a while, this would probably be a good way to refresh himself. The timer buzzed, and off they went. Deku beelined for the outer left side, and his teammates scattered around him. He leapt from pipe to pipe, looking at the ground below. What did the flags even look like? He hoped they were somewhat visible, but there were a lot of good hiding spots.
A flicker of red caught his eye, and he launched towards it. A flag! He snatched it up, and a small drawing of Kirishima's face met his own. Did All Might make these himself? He shook his head and leapt down to the ground. He could hear commotion from the far right of him, so he headed that way. Leaping across the field, the sight of Sero and Todoroki fighting caught his eye. It looked like Todoroki was trying to freeze him like he had at the sports festival, but Sero was faster now. He swung from pipe to pipe, dodging and weaving the ice and flames. He had Kaminari's bright yellow flag clenched in his teeth. Deku shot down towards Todoroki, who just barely made it out of the way.
Todoroki was good, but two versus one was hardly ever fair. Especially when one was long range, and the other was short. He was quickly taped up and he watched as Sero took the flag out of his hand. It was Yaoyorozu's.
Sero turned back at him and grinned, waving it in the air.
"Thanks man! I totally had it, but I appreciate the help."
Deku nodded, giving a thumbs up. Sero launched himself into the air and disappeared. They had at least three flags, which was good, but Deku had no idea how his other teammates were doing. If there was going to be anyone, they'd probably be in the middle. He charged his legs and sprang into the air, heading for the middle. A loud explosion rang in the distance, telling him Bakugou was approaching. He ducked down below a pipe, watching as the blonde sailed over him.
He moved to flee but didn't make it very far. A force against his back pushed him to the ground and sent his flag clattering against the ground.
"Think you can hide from me, you fucking nerd?" Bakugou snarled above him. He had four flags in his hands and was reaching for Kirishima's. Deku kicked him off, sending him tumbling to the ground. If he wanted that flag, he'd have to fight for it. Bakugou jumped back up and grinned at him, his hands popping with mini explosions. "Oh, so now you can face me huh? Couldn't do that yesterday, could ya?"
He shot himself forward and Deku rolled to the side, aiming a kick to his head. Bakugou spun forward in the air, now upside down, and shot an explosion at him. Deku leapt upwards to dodge it. He stayed quiet, instead choosing to glare at Bakugou. The blonde didn't seem to appreciate the action, now snarling.
"What, not gonna respond? I thought I was the one who was supposed to be quiet?" Deku bit his lip, hot anger coursing through him. Didn't this guy have anything better to do than to torment him? He sprung forward and launched a kick at his chest. Bakugou leapt to the side, and he took his chance, switching directions and aiming for the flags in his hand. He managed to grab one, Mineta's, before being shoved to the side. Bakugou pounced at him, and Deku barrel rolled to the left.
Bakugou's fist struck the ground where he had been, a nasty explosion erupting from it. Deku leapt upwards towards the pipes and Bakugou followed.
"Why do you give a shit, Kacchan? Did I hurt your feelings?" Malice dripped from his every word as he dodged and swung at Bakugou. Red eyes narrowed as he did the same. They were at an impasse, every strike from one was dodged by the other. His chest burned with the effort to keep up.
"Hell no, you couldn't if you tried," Bakugou laughed at him, full of snark. "You aren't special, y'know!"
"I never said I was, asshole," He moved to shove his shoulders, and Bakugou did the same. They were pushing against each other now, forehead to forehead.
"You sure act like it! Running away from everyone, being all secretive! The hell are you hiding huh? Another secret like One for All? Another villain we don't know about?" Deku clenched his jaw, hissing his response to the blonde.
"I'm not hiding anything; I'm trying to make sure nobody gets killed!"
"By what? Dead villains?" He didn't get it. None of them got it. Why couldn't anyone understand? None of them were safe, they never would be.
Tendrils shot through his torso, blood spurting out from his back. The blonde's eyes widened, and he began to fall. Why weren't you faster, Deku?
"You don't understand! You can't!" He smashed his skull against Bakugou's, sending them both tumbling back. They faced each other, hunched and panting.
"The hell I don't," The blonde snarled. Bakugou circled him, like a predator stalking his prey. "You weren't the only one there, y'know. We all were. We all fought for our lives,"
"You shouldn't have had to!"
"And you did?" He raised his shoulders. How could he explain this in a way the others could understand?
"I'm the Symbol of Hope," His voice cracked, desperation leaking through. "I had to be better. I couldn't do it then, so I need to do it now,"
"There is nothing to be better at now!" Bakugou snapped. Deku stared at him owlishly, and Bakugou shook his head. "There is no fight now, and there won't be for a long time. Are you really so stupid as to spend the rest of your life whining about something that may never happen again?"
Deku paused. He wasn't whining. There may be no fight now, but what about the future? Unease wormed its way into his skin. Was he really preparing for nothing? Why did the world feel so dangerous, then? The sound of the final buzzer interrupted them, and they looked to where the rest of the class was gathering. Bakugou glanced at him and smacked the back of his head before rocketing away. Deku chased after him, rubbing where he'd been hit.
Bakugou's team had won eleven to nine. The blonde boasted about it proudly, his chest puffed out in glee. Deku hung back from the group as they all made their way back inside to change. If the Symbol of Hope had no villains to fight, and no battles to prepare for, then what was he? Was he just a boy? His heart sank. What kind of Symbol was he, if nothing at all?
A hand rested on his shoulder, pulling him out of his thoughts.
"Young Midoriya," All Might stood over him, his gentle eyes nervous. Deku nodded to him awkwardly. "After you change, I'd like to speak with you. It won't take long," Deku nodded again and bit his lip as he walked away. He had a feeling he knew where this was going.
He fiddled with his fingers as he followed behind All Might. The man wanted to speak with him in the teachers' lounge, and it was making him nervous. Was he disappointed in him? He wanted to stop him, offer to try harder and beg for another chance, but that would be unbecoming. If he was going to be punished, then he probably deserved it. What kind of hero treats others the way he had?
All Might held the door open and smiled at him as he walked inside. His other teachers were scattered around the lounge, and they all glanced at him when he walked in. It made his skin crawl. Aizawa gestured to a seat in the room, and he took it. He sat up straight, posture stiff and shoulders tight. Present Mic laughed and waved his hand.
"Relax Little Listener, you aren't in any trouble! We just wanted to talk to you."
Deku allowed his shoulders to loosen slightly. Hound Dog nodded and offered Deku a cup of tea, which he took.
"We asked you here to offer you my services as your counselor."
Deku halted mid sip. Counselor? What would he need that for? He looked up in confusion and All Might spoke softly.
"Your peers came to us the other day to express their concern. They were worried you may be taking the war harder than anyone else, and honestly, I agree with them."
Aizawa hummed in agreement, setting his coffee down on the counter. Deku eyed him warily as he spoke.
"Normally we'd allow students to decide for themselves if this is a path they'd like to take, but I have made the executive decision to place you in counseling anyways. If it doesn't work out, you're more than welcome to quit, but for now I'm assigning it to you. Think of it as homework, in a way."
Deku bit his lip, glancing at Hound Dog. He was staring at him, reading him like an open book. He hated it. He nodded anyway, because who was he to say no to his superiors?
They set up his first session to be at the end of the week, and he followed All Might out of the room. His mentor paused and turned to him.
"I deeply apologize, Young Midoriya. To you and all your peers. You were right. This war was because of me, and I should not have allowed students to be dragged into it. Even if one of those students was my protege."
Deku shook his head softly, looking up at All Might.
"I shouldn't have said that to you," He felt uncomfortable admitting it aloud. It was tugging a part of him loose that he had tried so desperately to keep together. He knew though that it was the right thing to do, so he pressed on. "I don't know what's gotten into me."
All Might hummed, placing a hand on his back and gesturing to walk with him. He followed, allowing the warmth from his hand to soothe him.
"Sometimes, when things happen to us, we react in ways not even we ourselves understand," Deku worried his hands together, glancing at his mentor and then back to the floor. "What's important is that we don't lose ourselves in the aftermath."
"I don't understand, how do I do that if I've already done my heroic duty? If there are no more villains to fight, what do I do with myself?"
All Might glanced down at him, moving his hand up to ruffle his hair slightly. They were at the entrance to the building now.
"You've never been just a hero, Young Midoriya," All Might grinned, and patted his head before moving his hand away. Deku mourned the loss. "Head on back to the dorms now, you don't want your classmates to worry!"
He turned and left, the doors closing gently behind him. Deku stared after him. Why was everyone being so vague? Was this part of Aizawa's question? He sighed and made his way down the path. His stomach grumbled in displeasure. Hopefully Lunch Rush was making them something good for dinner tonight. Maybe Kirishima had some protein bars he could snack on.
The sun was warm on his skin as he walked, and he took a look around. Everything was a bright green, and a gentle breeze had ruffled his hair. He hadn't even noticed how nice it was when he'd left for school this morning. He really should be paying more attention to these things. There was quite a bit to see if you really looked.
Students were chatting amongst themselves all around him, some sitting on benches and others walking in groups. A butterfly flew around him, its wings delicate and white. He watched it go, a feeling longing following. How nice it must be to just be something beautiful, with no worries or fear. Just fly around and ride the breeze. He thinks he'd like that, to be something beautiful and delicate. To just be whatever he was, and not fight to be something else.
He made his way up the dormitory steps and slid inside, shutting the door quietly behind him. His classmates were scattered around, smiling and chatting. A movie was playing on the TV and he could smell something good coming from the kitchen.
Iida waved him over, patting the cushion beside him on the couch.
"Midoriya! I saved you a seat, it's movie night! We are watching a comedy movie, as per Ashido's request!"
Deku thanked him and sat down, leaning back into the cushion. Tsuyu sat at his feet and leaned against his legs, wrapped in a blanket. Jirou propped his feet up on his thighs, laying against the arm of the couch. His body felt warm, and his back felt great against the cushions. Lunch Rush appeared and served them all dinner, something with fish tonight. They thanked him and he left them to their movie.
Bakugou glanced at him from where he was trapped between Kirishima and Kaminari. He had Ashido sprawled across his legs on the floor and Sero was stretched across the chair above him. A piece of popcorn fell into his hair from where Sero was loudly munching on it and he whipped around to yell at him. Deku snorted and quickly looked away so as to not get caught. He'd missed this, he realized. Maybe he could focus on something other than villains, if only for a little while.
"A counselor? That's great news Izuku! I'm glad they're doing what they can to help you."
Deku hummed, thinking for a moment.
"I guess, but there's something I don't understand," Inko gave a questioning hum, and he continued. "Aizawa-sensei gave me an assignment. He asked me a question that I can't find the answer to/ I've looked everywhere," He tapped his pencil against his desk impatiently.
"What is it, baby?"
"He said that other than saving people and fighting villains, I needed to find out what a hero is, but it doesn't make any sense! Everything I looked at just gave me the same answer. I'm starting to think it was a trick question," he huffed.
Inko giggled warmly, and he smiled.
"Well, I don't know anything about heroes, so I don't think I can help you there. Did you try asking All Might?"
Deku sighed softly, turning his desk chair to look at his posters on the wall.
"He wasn't helpful either. He just said I was more than a hero, whatever that means," Inko hummed again, it sounded like she was thinking too. At least he wasn't the only one confused. "What do you think he meant, Mom?"
"Well, in my opinion, you may be a hero, but you're also my son.
Deku laughed, turning back to his open textbooks.
"Well of course I'm your son, but what did All Might mean about being more than a hero?"
"Exactly what I said, Izuku. You're my son. You may be a hero, or a symbol as you called it, but to me, you're my son first," He paused, eyes widening slightly. "So, I think what he's asking is for you to figure out what you are to, well, you." Is that really it? That couldn't be it, could it? He scrunched his brows as he let his mind wander.
"Izuku, baby, I can hear you mumbling," Inko teased. Deku flushed red and apologized. Inko laughed and excused him.
"Thanks Mom, that really helps," he said softly. How could he have ever been angry with her? He should bring some flowers home next time he visits. It was the least he could do.
"Of course, baby! I hope you figure it out! I'd hate for you to worry about it too long," He told her he loved her, and let her go for the night. He closed his textbooks slowly, letting his mind wander again. What is he, to him? He was a hero, the symbol of hope. What else was there?
He made his way back down to the kitchen for a glass of water, and standing there in the dark was none other than his teacher. Aizawa hummed a greeting and sipped his coffee, and Deku waved at him. He grabbed his glass and stood beside his teacher, letting the silence echo in his ears. It wasn't as bad when there was someone beside him, he noted. It wasn't as overwhelming with something else to focus on.
"Did you figure it out?" Aizawa asked, setting his mug down on the counter beside him. "The answer to my question, I mean."
Deku thought for a moment, looking into his glass. A warped reflection of himself looked back at him from the water, the light from the stove just bright enough for him to see it. What was he, to him?
"I'll always be proud of you, my sweet boy."
"There is nothing to be better at now!"
"You've always been more than just a hero, Young Midoriya."
"I think," he paused, looking up from his glass and to his teacher. "I think I did," He hummed, setting his own glass down. Aizawa prompted him with his hand, and he continued. "A hero is not just someone who saves people and fights villains. A hero is also a person. A hero is someone who puts their own life aside for others, but that doesn't mean that's all they are. It's just another part of them,"
Aizawa nodded, a small smile on his lips.
"And what does that mean, Midoriya?"
Deku stood up straight, puffing his chest out slightly. His eyes gleamed with pride as he looked to his teacher, the warm glow of the kitchen illuminating him.
"It means I'm Izuku Midoriya. I'm the hero Deku, The Symbol of Hope, and I'm so much more than that. I'm a son, a student, a friend, I'm a person. Just like everyone else is."
Aizawa hummed, pride lacing his features.
"Well, I guess you can be spared from any relaxing classes now."
Izuku shook his head, and Aizawa raised a brow.
"Actually, I'd like to stay in them. After all, how can we take care of others if we can't take care of ourselves?" Aizawa huffed, patting his shoulder. His teacher rinsed his mug and headed for the door, turning to wish him a goodnight before leaving. Izuku smiled and made his own way back up to his room. He needed to rest well for the painting they'd be doing tomorrow in homeroom. He already had an idea of what he wanted to paint.