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leo and jason are laying on the roof of the former’s foster moms’ house, staring at the night sky. they’re going through periods of talking and not talking. right now, they’re in a long period of not talking. jason doesn’t mind it; he’s on the quieter side anyway. leo used to try and fill the silence but he’s long since given up on it.
the dynamic between them is impossible for jason to decipher. he’s not good with that kind of thing anyway, but it’s only gotten more and more confusing with leo recently. ever since two months ago, when they were on the roof of the waystation doing this very thing, and leo kissed him.
jason hadn’t known what to say at first, and leo had interpreted that as him having done something wrong. jason had assured him he hadn’t with words, and then reassured him by kissing him again.
so now they kiss sometimes, and do a little bit more than kiss on the rare occasion that no one’s home. and jason likes it, he does, but he wishes that things were a little bit clearer. like maybe he could call leo his boyfriend and hold his hand at school instead of this secret thing that only happens on leo’s roof and in his bedroom and once in his kitchen when jason couldn’t help but kiss a cooking leo.
jason turns his head and looks at leo. he smiles and says, “you look really pretty,” and he does. the moon is highlighting his face and the slope of his nose and his lips and his curls are wild and messy and he’s letting them grow out and jason loves it.
leo raises his eyebrows and looks at jason. “aw. thanks, jase.”
he scoots closer and puts his head on jason’s shoulder. it’s the first contact they’ve made in the two hours they’ve been up here. he tilts his head up expectantly, his nose brushing jason’s, and jason kisses him, because who is he to refuse leo?
leo hums as they pull apart and closes his eyes. jason slides an arm under leo’s neck and around his shoulders. “you’re not so bad yourself,” leo mumbles under his breath.
“that was really kind of a late response,” says jason. he kisses leo’s forehead.
“shut up.” leo swats at jason’s chest. “i was kissing you. are you really gonna complain about that?”
jason snorts and threads his fingers in leo’s hair. “no, i guess not.”
looking at leo, his chest tightens. with his eyes closed, he looks softer and more at peace than jason ever sees him. he feels protective, in a weird way. leo can fend for himself, and jason knows that, but still, there’s this feeling like he needs to take care of him.
he wraps his arms around leo and holds him. he feels leo start in surprise.
“oh.” leo pats jason’s chest. “hey there, superman.”
“hi,” jason says into leo’s hair. “sorry.”
“’s okay.” leo shifts in jason’s arms, grabbing a fistful of the back of his shirt. “you smell nice,” he says. “like… soap.”
jason exhales a laugh. “very specific.”
“i don’t know what scent it is,” leo says defensively. “take the compliment, loser.”
“mhm. thanks, leo.” jason kisses the top of leo’s head. he wants to absorb leo, to keep him inside him. he’ll only really be safe if he’s inside jason’s very skin.
he worries about leo sometimes. the way he talks sometimes, how careless and impulsive he is, jason worries about it. he doesn’t think leo wants to die, jason just isn’t sure he particularly wants to live.
“leo,” jason says quietly.
leo hums in response.
“leo,” jason repeats. “don’t… i don’t want you to…” he trails off. he’s not sure he ever should’ve started talking.
“what?” leo moves back a little so he can look jason in the eye. jason doesn’t like being looked in the eye except when it’s leo. “you don’t want me to what?”
“die,” jason says, his voice small as can be. “i don’t want you to die.”
leo’s face is unreadable. “oh,” he says quietly after a long hesitation. he pulls away from jason and sits up. that makes jason nervous. “i don’t want me to die either. i don’t think.”
“okay.” jason pushes himself up to sitting and pretzels his legs. “good. that’s good.”
“does it seem like i want to die?” leo hugs his knees to his chest, rocking back and forth once. he’s looking at the roof below them and not at jason.
“i don’t know,” jason says. “i guess not. it’s hard to tell.”
“hard to tell,” leo echoes. “what does that mean?” his voice is serious, his brow furrowed, the way he gets when he’s fixing something.
jason chews on the inside of his cheek. “i don’t know,” he says again. “i can’t tell how much you care about staying alive.”
leo lets out a long exhale. “okay.” he shrugs. “i don’t know if i can either. i don’t think i want to die.” he looks at jason, finally. “i mean it, jase. i really don’t think i do.”
“okay.” jason nods. his stomach hurts. “that’s good. i like you being alive.”
leo laughs, but there’s no humor in it. “well, thanks. that’s nice of you.”
“i do, though,” jason says. he moves closer to leo, just close enough that their arms are touching. “i really do.”
“right.” leo seems to remember the persona he’s supposed to display, and grins up at jason. “well, i promise i won’t die, supes. scout’s honor.” his smile doesn’t reach his eyes.
“you were never a boy scout,” jason says, deciding it best to play along with leo’s act, at least for the moment. “you were too afraid of the outdoors.”
“shut up, grace.” leo knocks his shoulder into jason. because of their proximity, it’s more like he leans left, forcing jason to also lean left. “i could’ve been bit by a snake and died. you couldn’t hook up with a dead guy.”
jason snorts and rolls his eyes. “yeah, or you could’ve been bit by a radioactive spider and turned into spider-man. and it would be awesome to hook up with spider-man.”
leo shrugs. “hey, if you wanted me to kiss you upside down, you could’ve just asked.”
jason throws his head back and laughs, really laughs, something only leo really ever gets him to do. leo’s grinning, pleased with himself, and at least for now, things might be okay.