Chapter Text
Haruka stood at the trapdoor, the threshold to Airi’s workshop. When Haruka had left this with Airi some two thousand years ago, she had never actually expected to seek to revisit it.
Yet as things were developing, she needed to revisit that part of herself she had intended to forget as much as she could.
Haruka already knew Shizuku was busy with Shiho and making food, so she didn’t need to worry about her finding out about this.
Haruka takes a deep breath bracing herself, and knocks. “Airi, it’s me Haruka.”
“Oh, just a second. Good timing, I was just about to take a break from working on Minori’s staff,” Airi says as the trapdoor opens, and Haruka enters.
“So what brings you here, Haruka? Wanting to lend a hand with Minori’s staff? I could use it in a few more hours,” Airi says.
“There is that. But also, there’s something else I came to see you about. I know this might seem sudden, but how much do you know about the nature of the hermits, Airi?” Haruka asks.
“I know enough, even from what they haven’t told me. I’ve heard plenty from mom and the other forest spirits.”
“And you’ve never held it against them? I never thought I’d see a spirit be as friendly with one of them as you are with Ena, Airi,” Haruka says with a hint of judgment to her tone.
“Mom didn’t raise me to be against them, just cautious since, well, you know better than me, how many of them often turned out. And Ena…” Airi's voice softens on saying that name, “She never had any malicious intentions despite that, and I want to believe the rest of the hermits the same, otherwise Ena wouldn’t trust them so much.”
“I suppose you’re right given their history with the tower…”
“Well yeah, you know that already, so why are you asking me all of this Haruka?”
“Airi… I’m worried about Minori. Do you know the risks of letting her walk this path?” Haruka asks calculatingly.
Airi nods, “I can’t say I’m ignorant of it, though I believe in Minori enough to be able to walk it safely.”
“Really? When you were captured, with the desperate expressions she made, I felt like she would have risked anything to save you, including her humanity,” Haruka says with a harsh glare.
Airi sighs, “I suppose I didn’t see that aspect of her, but I don’t think you’d have come here just to question our belief in our girlfriend and apprentice.”
“That’s true. Airi, do you still have what I entrusted to you?” Haruka asks.
“I do, I’ll get it for you, Haruka,” Airi says.
Airi pulls out a drawer from her desk removing its contents to the top of her desk while a vine pushes something from underneath it and the false bottom detaches. Airi lifts a small sealed wooden box out from the drawer’s hidden compartment.
“See, it’s still sealed just like you asked,” Airi says, sitting on top of her desk and placing the other things back in her drawer.
“Thank you, Airi. Sorry for making you hold on to this for so long,” Haruka says, using her magic to dispel the seal and opening the box to reveal a glowing pale blue tome.
“A book, I never expected that. Couldn’t you have just kept that in the library with all the others?” Airi asks in surprise.
Haruka shakes her head, “I couldn’t ever chance a human seeing it, especially a Hinomori.”
“Does it have something to do with what we were talking about earlier?” Airi asks, eyebrows raised.
Haruka nods, “It does though there’s more than that… It's a record of my regrets and past… There are some things I need to be sure of. Airi, as a spirit, would you like to join me in recounting it?”
“Are you sure you’d want me to know that as your girlfriend, Haruka?” Airi asks.
“I know you’re that too, but I think I’d feel better about it that way even then.”
“Fine, then, as a spirit of the forest, I’ll be here for you.”
“Thank you, Airi.”
Year xx,000: I’ve been in service to the Hinomoris for a vast amount of time now, but recently something has been changing. Before, I was always only summoned to handle danger and crises for them in times of need, but now, a few times a year, I’ve been called for something else—on the full moon for worship and shows of power for reasons yet beyond my understanding.
Year xx,005: Interacting with humans and spirits so often has been a strange experience. Even after their ceremonies come to an end, I’m not dismissed until the sun does it for them. Some of them will insist on staying around until then even though there is no benefit in it for them. None of it makes any sense to me; why go for such drawn out ceremonies in the first place? The most emphasized aspects of it shouldn't need more than a few minutes, yet it goes for hours.
Year xx,010: Two particularly stubborn beings have tried to converse with me in recent years: Mochizuki-san and her family’s patron spirit, a wolf named Yuuki, seem close allies of the Hinomoris and an exceptional animal magician. I feel something around the two of them, though I barely understand what. While a younger lighting spirit named Mai seems to have endless reverence for me, worshiping long after the ceremonies close and greatly prefers her human form.
Year xx,015: Mai appears to not be a patron of any family yet, despite her wanting to be one and revering Haruka for being the one of the renowned Hinomori family, though I fail to understand how that was worthy of praise. I merely uphold the deal I made to them when they chose me.
Year xx,020: Mochizuki-san and Yuuki convinced me to go for a ride on Yuuki to see more of Torinoko. Riding on Yuuki, I think I might have started to understand this “fun” I’ve heard of so many times. And Torinoko had really grown from the tiny village since I was first summoned here. Riding by all of the houses and farm land, I think for the first time I understood the scale of what I was asked to protect by the Hinomori’s.
Year xx,025: Mai still hasn’t become a patron, but she told me of how she managed to form her first few pacts with humans from Torinoko, and she said she’d one day form a family around her worthy of being allies with Haruka’s Hinomori family. I still feel unsure of what exactly she sees in me.
Year xx,030: I can’t say I understand it, but somehow being around Mochizuki-san and Yuuki after the ceremonies have ended and just gazing at the moon together until our farewell came and listening to their stories—I felt not like a goddess or the patron of the Hinomori, but just as Haruka. I’m not sure what else I am if I’m not those things, it’s an odd feeling. Perhaps this is what humans mean when they say they feel at peace?
Year xx,035: The supporters of the Hinomori family seemed greater than ever at the ceremonies. Seemingly more and more humans and spirits alike bowed to the family as the only ones worthy of protecting Torinoko, and Mai told Haruka of her desire to be recognized as someone worthy of protecting Torinoko alongside the Hinomori’s. This part of human’s culture was something I don’t think I’ll ever understand.
Year xx,040: I somehow ended up teaching Mochizuki-san and Yuuki about the celestial spirits and introduced them both to Saki. In exchange, the two of them showed me the ocean quite a distance away from Torinoko. Without Yuuki’s speed and Mochizuki-san’s knowledge of the area, I likely wouldn’t have seen the moon reflecting on the ocean’s surface for the first time, a sight I don’t think I’ll soon forget.
Year xx,045: The Hinomori’s lately seem satisfied by whatever outcome they were hoping for by having summoned me so regularly, so it seems days of seeing the calm of Torinoko may be drawing to an end after being scaled down to an annual event for a few more years. It’s odd, I felt nothing the first few times. Yet now, I almost wish it could keep going as I only grew to appreciate it after being apart from conflict for this long.
Year xx,050: It’s the day of the final planned ceremony. Mai tells me of a family recently making her their patron spirit and that, even if she couldn’t see Haruka for a long time, she’d keep her word, so the next Haruka would have a new ally. It's not that I don’t believe her, but that Haruka knew it didn’t matter if she believed in Mai or not because the standards the Hinomori family set weren’t so easily met. Meanwhile, for my final moon gazing with Mochizuki-san and Yuuki, I gave into their pleas and tried to eat a snack they had prepared known as moon cakes. I don’t think I understand food or eating still, but it wasn’t unpleasant—a nice memory to end these peaceful times. In the end, only those three treated me as anything resembling a friend.
Year xx,150
Day 0, full moon: Today was unprecedented. Not only was I summoned in the middle of daylight, but also I was given physical form for the first time ever. The leadership of the Hinomori family even seemed frantic and tense that something was brewing in Torinoko. Rather than risk themselves, I’ve been given this form and tasked with investigating what’s occurring.
Week 1, waning moon: I’ve been keeping a low profile and gathering information from listening in, occasionally talking to spirits, and checking with Saki and Ichika. There is definitely something unusual going on in Torinoko. It’s still hard to tell specifics yet, and evidence of who or what is acting here is scarce.
Week 2, new moon: Today Mochizuki-san and Yuuki greeted me, though we only got to chat a little. I was happy to see both of them were doing well. I was pleasantly surprised to see Yuuki’s human form for the first time, she seems to prefer her spirit form when allowed. I received their reports from their own information gathering, and it talked about something known as “crossing the threshold” with spirit attuning magic. It sent a chill down my spine. Had humanity’s magic really come far enough to push beyond what a goddess could imagine? No wonder the Hinomori’s were in this state.
Week 3, waxing moon: Today, the Hinomori’s received a concerning report from the edges of Torinoko. I followed this information and found the first real evidence of something happening at an abandoned barn. In the center laid a giant, damaged, five layer spell circle. The circle had clearly been damaged by whatever spell had been attempted here. From what I knew about spirit magic, two or three layers would normally suffice for even the most difficult spells. What could they have been trying to cast? The spell circle style didn’t even fit any of the magic families I knew with ties to the Hinomori family.
Week 4, full moon: I spend the past week digging through the Hinomori’s archive for any clue about the spellcircle’s owner or nature, or even a clue about “crossing the threshold.” Even with Mochizuki-san’s help, finding any clue proved fruitless. At least spending time with her and Yuuki put me more at ease than doing all of this alone—as the Hinomori’s seemed too busy with their internal affairs and preventing panic within Torinoko to lend much aid. However, by now, I felt used to the Hinomori’s relying upon me always, never me upon them; they merely provided believers to bolster my powers. That was the nature of the deal after all.
Week 5, waning moon: Mochizuki-san has a theory about the spell circle now. Even though she thinks it to be theoretically impossible, she believes it to be a spell to attempt to allow a human to become a spirit—that would certainly fit as “crossing the threshold” in some sense. I find her theory concerning, but unfortunately likely given her expertise with spirit magic and lack of any alternatives.
Week 6, new moon: While we had been researching still, Mochizuki-san had sent Yuuki on reconnaissance to check out the families without Hinomori association to see anything unusual at any of them. After narrowing down the list, we had a dozen families to consider—far too many to be truly useful. However, one caught my attention. It was the family that Mai was supposed to be the patron spirit of, at least she was a hundred years ago.
Week 7, waxing moon: Mai claimed neither she nor her family had anything to do with the rumors, and her family seemed to be legitimate as well. Despite my worries, that she might have considered something like this to get the approval of the Hinomori’s by achieving something thought to be impossible.
Week 8, full moon: The rumors that something would happen soon had started to grow lately, so I was assigned to protect the Hinomori family for the next two weeks because we still didn’t know enough. Being away from Mochizuki-san, Yuuki, and even Mai made this time especially lonely as the Hinomoris always treated me with reverence and respect yet with a share of distances, so they never treated me with something close like friendship.
Week 9, waning moon: Mai was proven innocent, but I didn’t want it to be like this, not to her, not when she was working harder than I ever did to support the magic users she worked with. Yet probably because hers was newer and their desire to become close to the Hinomori, they were targeted to make an example. Virtually her entire family was struck down leaving only Mai and a few apprentices with broken staffs left to tell all of Torinoko to submit to, “The great three that have crossed the threshold,” or face the same fate. And I… I couldn’t face Mai, how could I?... If I hadn’t been the one to get her interested in the Hinomori family, then perhaps she wouldn’t have been targeted.
Week 10, new moon: Within a week, much of Torinoko had bowed to “the great three,” and during this period, with my powers at their weakest and no information on the true strength of the three, the Hinomori stayed on the defensive, rallying what they could of the people to their grounds to protect them. Yuuki and Mochizuki-san shifted spending time with me and being extra support for the defense of the family.
Yuuki in particular tried to ease my guilt, I didn’t know as a goddess I was capable of feeling pathetic until now. When I was stuck feeling down, the three ramped up their oppressive control day by day, demanding tribute and submissions, while making shows of their power. It was humiliating.
Week 11, waxing moon: With my power back even partially, I tried to argue to the Hinomori leadership that they had to let me do something before this gets any worse as no other family had stepped up. This was turning into a pillaging of Torinoko, but the Hinomoris argued it was too risky even as we had reports of more people being injured and dying at the hands of the three for failing to appease their unreasonable demands—all because losing this mortal form of mine was too costly thus risky for them to lose.
At night though, I’d still work with Mochizuki-san and Yuuki to escort any people we could, most of the lower rank of the three wouldn’t attack a spirit without their own. It was strange for all the control they were exerting, no one had seen any solid proof of them “crossing the threshold.” Perhaps they were bluffing? Given Mochizuki-san thought it was impossible. I couldn’t rule out that they didn’t have that power after all.
Week 12, full moon: With my powers at their apex and Yuuki having found their hideouts for the three, this time surely they would heed my plea and give me the order to protect Torinoko. They did, however they demanded that I attend the ceremony like the past first. However, the turnout was nothing like a hundred years ago. It was far more grand of a moment. I realized then, while they did want to protect Torinoko, that they would be sure to make the most of this to leverage the Hinomori’s influence, and I was ordered to kill the leadership of the three.
As I arrived, the anger, hatred, and grief I felt for what they had done to Mai and so many others seethed and started to drown me...
Even more so when I saw that accursed horned form that was such a mockery of spirits, yet that they dare to proclaim to be connected to spirits.
It was a disgrace to all that humanity’s magic had tried to achieve and all that spirits had taught them.
I… I was swallowed whole by that ocean of negative emotions losing myself…
My mind felt heavy yet blank as I traveled back towards the Hinomori family’s residency…
I only realized how truly awful I must have looked by the deeply grim expressions Mochizuki-san and Yuuki made upon my return at dawn; they looked almost afraid for me or perhaps of me...
They insisted on washing me off and Yuuki used her wind magic to dry me off, even with magical aid it took some time for them to be satisfied. They remained my only solace in these times, so I stayed with them after as long as I was allowed.
I don’t know what proclamations the Hinomori made after this ordeal to the people of Torinoko, but I believed it would make it safer despite the cost of this. They knew not to parade me around in the middle of the day. It seems it was easy for the Hinomori to handle the rest with the top taken down.
Week 13, waning moon: I was ordered by the Hinomori’s to strike down all the spirits that had turned up on the list save for Mai, since they believed any of them could have been involved or researching into the same magic. I felt more heavy for every spirit I fou... no that wasn't a fight it was something worse, but I followed the order since the families stood down with the Hinomori’s accompanying me.
The night after the last one was taken care of, Mai requested me to meet her on the edge of the town… when I met her, she was saying how, after seeing how great my power was… why I hadn’t protected her or helped her and to give them back to her…
I may be a goddess, but not even I could reverse the fate of death. She knew this too, yet her demands broke something in me… I found myself doing the one thing the Hinomori forbade me from doing, questioning their orders. Was there really no way, with all the magic and power they wielded, that they couldn’t have prevented this?
I couldn’t give her a single satisfactory response as she wailed. To make matters worse, because of that, she was starting to blame not just me but the Hinomoris as a whole. She said one line too far: that she should take it out on them to show them what it feels like to lose part of them, so they’d act faster next time…
I warned her to walk that line back before it was too late…
But she only doubled down in blaming me as well. Lightning surged around her arm and attacked me suddenly. It was easy enough to avoid, Mai wasn’t that powerful, especially in this state. Even a crescent moon was more than enough to defend against her.
I tried to talk her down, but she only poured more into each attack sparking lighting from every direction for every word I said. I succeeded in binding her with my silver threads… but even then, it seemed like nothing would quell Mai’s anguish. None of my words connected… she brute forced her lighting to break the threads, but I realized then how weak her spirit had gotten.
I tried anything I could to stop her, but she was just putting too much into these attacks. It’s only a matter of time, and I tried to warn her for that too, but it fell on deaf ears. She blamed me until the bitter end, and said how unfair my family was unharmed when I didn’t even care for them as much as she did for hers…
It was only when her magic depleted, that she listened to my tears that how much she had meant to me and how I had wanted to help but wasn’t able to because of the order. We hugged for the first and last time before Mai smiled and faded to dust…
I don’t know how long I stood there crying that I couldn’t stop her grief and rage in the end…
Week 14, new moon: I had thought this was already rock bottom, but the Hinomori’s next announcement proved me wrong. When it was announced that all the remaining spirits of Torinoko would be exiled, and I would be declared to have vanquished them all…
I pleaded with them for an exception for Yuuki for how loyal the Mochizukis had been to us, but they didn’t listen. Instead, they insisted Mochizuki-san herself be exiled with Yuuki because she knew far too much about spirit magic, and they wanted a total ban on it, not wanting any chances with that magic returning. If given time, that magic that shows the ambitiousness of humanity could pose a grave threat.
I was allowed to see them off at least, even if I couldn’t see any of the other spirits out.
I hugged both Yuuki and Mochizuki-san tightly, not knowing when or if ever I’d see them again. Somehow, them wishing me well and being so forgiving and kind about this only made me feel worse… My actions led to the two I’d grown most attached to, the two who taught me about emotions so patiently and gradually being exiled, even though they did nothing wrong …
I’ll always try to remember Yuuki’s gentle pink eyes against her soft white fur and Mochizuki-san’s long brown hair with its cute single half circle princess braid against her flowing white robe. I’d never forget the kindness that I was taught by them.
After a long final talk and hugs, Mochizuki-san rode on top of Yuuki, and I waved them off as happily as I could, almost wishing I could join them, but I knew I couldn’t…
Compared to Mai’s departure, I barely cried after. I just felt empty and nothing like the joy I had found in life that had been stomped out…
Why would I want to keep a physical form anymore? Torinoko was safe once more even without the three I cared about… It didn’t need my constant presence anymore.
So I guess there is only one thing left to do. Maybe the Hinomori’s would learn to value some things more from this.
I arrive in front of Hinomori and leave a letter.
“To the Hinomori leadership, it seems you’d prefer me to be without a heart, so I’ll oblige your desires. It will be more effort, but I know you’re more capable of resummoning me should you really need it. So I’ll be removing my heart,
- Haruka Kiritani, patron of the Hinomori family ”