Chapter Text
The feeling of a calming atmosphere is something he hasn’t felt in a while. The sun shining through the room he resides in warms him, Taehyung lying on his back and sighing at the warmth and the soft sheets beneath him. The only sound in his room is the sound of his shuffling around on the bed and the birds singing in the morning with their chirps. There was no rush getting up, knowing that he would not have to worry about meetings or dealing with his creative block so early in the morning.
Taehyung sits up and stretches, arms above his head as he grunts. He then rubs his eyes, trying to wake himself up. He could sleep in if he wanted, Taehyung realized. They’re on this trip to get away from this tiredness, to finally get any form of rest they could get. Though, sleeping in could have to wait, as he sniffled and smelled the smell of breakfast just behind his closed door. Taehyung smiles, knowing that he’s going to have the taste of Jeongguk’s cooking again.
“It’s been a while since I’ve had your cooking.” Taehyung says, sitting down at the kitchen island after finally making it down from his room.
Jeongguk hums then turns around, sweat shorts hanging low on his hips with no shirt on. Taehyung sputters, widening his eyes and then squinting them, “I haven’t had the time to cook either but now I do— why are you looking at me like that?” Jeongguk questions, noticing the sudden look on Taehyung’s face.
“Where’s your shirt?”
“Not on my body, obviously.”
“Well, put one on. I don’t want to see—“ Taehyung points at Jeongguk’s body “—all of that.” It’s a sight to see and everyone knows that Jeongguk is very attractive and so does Jeongguk himself, but Taehyung was just not expecting to see this sight so early in the morning.
“But it’s hot.” Jeongguk almost whines, turning around to grab some bowls after he checks the miso soup. He turns his back as if he’s not taking Taehyung seriously at all, “The breeze feels good on my skin.”
“I’m sure you mean the air conditioning.”
“I know what I meant, Tae.” Jeongguk puts some miso soup in their bowls and takes out the rice from the rice cooker and puts it all on the island with metal chopsticks, “Now, enjoy the delightful meal that I cooked for us.” Jeongguk sits beside him and just starts blowing on his food, calming the steam from it before he chumps on it from his chopsticks. Taehyung soon follows, leaving alone Jeongguk being half naked in front of his face and letting the older have his last word.
The bickering is something they always did and it feels familiar, something that goes on normally when they’re together but haven’t felt in a while because of how busy the both of them were. They’re slowly falling back into the comfortable space they had always shared, where they can just bicker about stupid things while enjoying the others' presence. As they eat, they talk about their lives, how everything has been emotionally draining to a point where it does get physically draining. They catch up on the small things though, picking up things from their memories that at least made them happy.
Their bowls sat empty on the island, the both of them still at the table as they spoke and soon fell into a deep conversation about their struggles on leading a company, “I fear that my lack of inspiration is going to cost everything I worked hard for.” Taehyung says and Jeongguk’s face falls at Taehyung’s words. He remembers a time where Taehyung had found his passion, the younger always carrying around a sketchbook full of his ideas and his vision on styles he yearned to create.
And when he finally got his hands on creating his own in high school, he never let it go, standing firm on his dreams and denying his parents from owning a company he was next in line to own, a company he never wanted to own. He worked hard to make a name for himself, being anonymous for two years after his brand launched, making sure to keep the Kim name from ever taking credit of his dream. Jeongguk’s heart hurts from hearing the dejection in Taehyung’s tone, the fear in his eyes making him frown.
“This creative block wouldn’t cost you your brand.” Jeongguk smiles assuredly, trying his best to comfort the fashion designer, “This could be a minor fluke and I know how stressful it has been which is why you recommended we go on this trip, right?”
Taehyung nods, “Well, Jimin mostly but yes.”
Jeongguk touches his hand and looks him in the eyes to hold a stance, to show that hopefully things will be alright. Taehyung’s hand tingles, he almost feels like pulling away but he doesn’t. The feel of Jeongguk’s skin against his is what he missed, so platonic and so gentle. The touch felt more gentle than it ever did when they touched.
Taehyung bites his lip, blinking.
“Maybe the motivation and inspiration will come back while we’re here. We’re finally having a break after so long. Maybe this is what you really need to get that mind going.” Jeongguk squeezed his hand lightly. Maybe it will, maybe this trip will be his cure, hopefully permanently but he knows it’ll be temporary as Taehyung knows that a creativity block could sneak up on him again. He shouldn’t think of that though, only the positivity of this trip and gaining back the inspiration he hoped for and the comfort that he longed for.
Taehyung looks at their hands and grins, “Thank you, Ggukie.” He turns to the CEO, “You know this goes to you too, right?”
Jeongguk knows, in some way shape or form, it does. It’s been years since he had it himself and he knows he should talk about it, head deeper into his thoughts about how his life turned out; he couldn’t, not when he’s on a trip to get away from his actual problems and distastefulness of it. Taehyung gave him an escape, a camera. He could pretend to forget and live in a moment where he thinks he’s living his dream.
“I know.” Jeongguk pursed his lips.
Taehyung reads him, “Let’s stay inside today and put that gaming room to use.” He suggested changing the subject into something they could be doing. Jeongguk was glad that he did, relaxing his body from a conversation he’s thankful didn’t happen. Before he processed it, he was dragged into the gaming room, sitting on the couch with a PlayStation controller in his hand as Taehyung boost up the newest game of “Mortal Kombat” , a fighting franchise game that both Taehyung and he played growing up.
“I’m soooo going to beat your ass, Jeongguk.” Taehyung taunted as he chose Kitana.
Jeongguk tsked, “No, you’re not.” He responded, choosing Liu Kang, “You always lose, remember that, Tae.”
Taehyung raises his eyebrow at him, “I think you are talking about yourself, Ggukie.” Taehyung said, as he remembers them being kids playing this game, both getting into heated arguments over Taehyung cheating, or rather who cheated. Their wins were always 50/50 between each other; being competitive people that they are though, really does set off some tense moments where they just yell out their frustrations.
“You would cry every time.” Taehyung points out.
Jeongguk smacks his teeth, “No I did not.” He looks away, choosing a map they’re going to fight on, avoiding Taehyung’s eyes because he does not want to admit that he did use to cry when he raged.
They spent almost the whole day playing games, holed up in the gaming room and enjoying the moment. They laughed and bantered about who cheated, like always. They took breaks in between, eating unhealthy amounts of snacks and played some more until they got tired like they were kids again. It began to feel nostalgic when they turned off the game and decided to watch a movie, the DVD collection on a shelf that Jeongguk’s parents kept up.
Jeongguk traces his fingers on the spines of the DVD cases until he stops at one, a movie both Taehyung and he would always watch as kids together. He looks at Taehyung behind him who was setting up blankets and even more snacks and speaks, “Spirited Away?”
Taehyung looks up from the movie name being called and immediately, he nods with a huge smile that brightens the dimmed theater room, “Spirited Away.” He confirms.
Jeongguk takes the movie and places it in the DVD player. They settle down under the blankets, a big bowl of popcorn on Taehyung’s lap. They were quiet, only focusing on the movie and how they, unknowingly, started embracing each other. To them, this is their normalcy, the cuddling as they watch a movie together and forget all about the world and only melt into each other's warmth. This is what they’re used to and it will never change.
✦✦✦
Jeongguk films the second day of their trip, the CEO capturing Taehyung in his element during golf. He watches in awe as Taehyung ropes into a serene moment within himself as he hits the golf ball with the golf club. He was ever so gentle with it but yet, swung hard when he had to. The wind blew around him, the flowers and trees the only ones speaking into the silence surrounding them.
Until they weren’t, Taehyung suddenly sighing and then turning around to face the CEO and his camera. His eyes crinkled once he saw the lenses, waving at it with a giggle then focused his attention on his best friend who began to put the camera down on a rock, balancing it and making sure it wouldn’t fall.
“Come play with me.” Taehyung says, so close to pouting and begging just knowing that Jeongguk’s answer may be a straight up “no”. Jeongguk has always had a soft spot for Taehyung ever since they first met. And even though the younger was such a menace, Jeongguk always had a hard time going against whatever Taehyung would have under his sleeve. Golfing is something so minor in things that Taehyung has begged him to do with him. Though, Jeongguk has this memory that traumatized him just a tad bit from ever holding a golf club again.
Taehyung’s pout is not helping his case on protesting his wish, Jeongguk sucking a breath in and scratching his head, “Now you know that I am not really good at this.”
“Just don’t hit the ball too hard.” That’s if he even hits the ball. Taehyung snickers at that thought.
“You’re mocking me.” Jeongguk responds to the sound Taehyung made with his mouth, squinting his eyes.
A loud laugh forced itself from Taehyung’s throat, so breathy, deep, and beautifully loud, “No, I’m not.” He says, lying straight through his teeth. He pouts then, pulling the cutest puppy eyes at Jeongguk.
Jeongguk grunts, scrunches his nose for a quick second, “Fine. I’ll play.” And try not to embarrass himself like how he did before when they were kids.
Taehyung cheers, quickly handing him a golf club, “Good luck.” He smiles teasingly. Jeongguk groans, taking the golf club and holding it tight in his hands by the handle.
They take points, Taehyung being ahead of him which is not surprising to the CEO at all. Taehyung is used to playing this— playing golf when they were younger, picking it back up when he got older, choosing it as a hobby for an escape. Jeongguk, though, knows nothing about it. He only played it once in his lifetime and that was when he embarrassed himself and decided that he’ll never play golf again. 0 - 6, Taehyung had kept up. He’s way above, hitting the ball with precision and making sure it makes its way into the hole.
Jeongguk kept missing the hole, not knowing how to balance how hard he hits the ball, or how softly he does. Sometimes, the ball doesn’t even get hit, staying in one spot while Jeongguk swings and misses it. Taehyung was laughing so hard, toppling over and holding his stomach, golf club on the ground.
“ ‘s not funny.” Jeongguk mumbles, ruffling his shirt with his hand to gather some air under his shirt. He was sweating and Taehyung barely broke into a sweat.
At his words, Taehyung laughs even more and eventually, he falls to the ground. Jeongguk shook his head at the dramatics, smiling slightly himself but dropping it once Taehyung’s fit of laughter died down. He gets up from the ground with finishing giggles, holding his stomach. The fashion designer lets out a relieved sigh, the smile never going away.
“Remember when–“
“Please no.” Jeongguk knows what Taehyung is about to bring up. Jeongguk embarrassing himself even more back then than how much he’s embarrassing himself now.
“—You swung too hard, fell, and hurt your arm? That shit was so fucking funny.” Taehyung begins to cackle again at the memory and Jeongguk has no idea when it’s going to end again. Jeongguk lets out small chuckles, admittedly finding the moment funny too.
Back then, it wasn’t funny at first when he was wincing in pain and almost in tears. After he got over the shock, the best friends almost died of laughter, tears in their eyes and their small bodies sprawled out on the perfectly cut golf course. Now they can look back at the memory and just enjoy it—still laugh at it, the moment never getting old.
“You never got around with playing golf.” Taehyung had commented after he finally finished his fits of adorable giggles. His cheeks were flushed, cheekbones so high that Jeongguk could tell that it hurt from smiling too hard. It’s so cute—Taehyung is so cute, so precious and it makes Jeongguk’s heart tingle.
Jeongguk bites his lips then picks up the golf ball, spinning it with his fingers as he feels the bumpy hard ball against his skin, “That’s because I’d rather watch you play golf than play it myself.” Jeongguk was still looking at the ball once he said it, like he didn’t know what he just said and what power it held. Though he genuinely didn’t know, standing oblivious to the face Taehyung is making, the blinking of his eyes and his mouth dropping.
The fashion designer picks his jaw back up, his hand putting itself over his beating heart. It shouldn’t be as effective, Jeongguk’s words. Such simple words had him freeze, not knowing what to say, how to respond to it. Jeongguk glances back up at him, attention not on the ball anymore and now on his best friend that grew quiet. That makes Taehyung snap out of it, out of his trance and the sudden fluttering that was happening inside of his heart.
Quickly, he conjures up something to say, clearing his throat, “I’m just too good to not watch, huh?” Taehyung says with a smirk, “You know you would never stand a chance against me.”
At that, Jeongguk croaks up a laugh. It’s true really. If Taehyung and Jeongguk were professional golfers, Taehyung would completely obliterate him like he just did to him as some silly little fun.
“You know I can’t deny that.” Jeongguk breathlessly laughs, “You could be one of the best professional golfers actually.”
Jeongguk’s statement boosts Taehyung’s ego up, the corners of his mouth pulling upward. Jeongguk rolls his eyes at Taehyung’s cocky face, though he was smiling. Soon, they finish the game, getting lost in translation on time until Jeongguk realizes he was filming and he needed to give his camera a break from filming for so long. Taehyung and Jeongguk were both tired and hungry anyways, deciding to call it a night and to eat something.
Jeongguk had cooked them their dinner, jjigae, cooking it with so much perfection, Taehyung groaned once he popped the stew inside of his mouth, closing his eyes and shaking his head. Jeongguk’s own face is angry once he eats his food too, eyebrows so furrowed but he looked so cute. Taehyung coos. They sit out on the balcony, watching the stars in the clear sky and feeling the light cool wind tickle on their skin. The night’s temperature was warm with so much tranquility. It was perfect to sit out and eat, embrace the moment.
Once they are done eating, they stand at the fence of the balcony, focusing more on the sky, looking out into the scenery and the moon reflecting from off the ocean. The sight is mesmerizing, something you can’t take your eyes off of, something that blows you and just leaves you without a word. It’s something Jeongguk had seen multiple times as kids, used to the sight; it always amazed him though. But it’s not as amazing as this sight that he’s seeing, the sight of Taehyung blending in so well with the night that it makes it so ethereal.
Taehyung is golden, the moonlight reflecting off of his skin, his face bare without any makeup while he’s in his comfort zone, ready for bed but wanting to stay out and up with the CEO and just stand there and stare out at the nature, at the waters and the flowers that surrounds around the villa. Taehyung starts to hum his soulful voice, humming along with the ocean and the wind, swaying with the flowers and trees. As a kid, he always knew that this island was always a peaceful one, a one of a kind. At such a young age, Jeongguk understood one of the reasons why his father chose this island to give to his mother. It was for moments like these, a moment where it allows you to envelop the sense of letting go, letting go of the world outside and taking in the island and not think about anything else but to have a good time and be peaceful.
It’s only been two days of their vacation and yet, it feels like they’ve adapted fully into being stress free and not worrying about a thing. This day, Jeongguk filmed their day, he filmed their golfing moment and looked at the time of it, noticing that they were out for hours, not paying any mind to the time and even forgot about being filmed. They were so into what they were doing, even when they spent most of their time laughing over Jeongguk struggling to play a simple game of golf. It was enjoyable though, so enjoyable and it felt so good having to film it.
Jeongguk craved filming, always did. But it’s something about actually doing so and realizing that he really missed it. Taehyung showed him what it felt like again, the natural feeling of being behind a camera and capturing anything and everything he saw catching his eyes. It felt so foreign at first, turning on that camera because it’s been years, a long time since he turned on a camera. Once he saw Taehyung though, playing golf and filming him, then putting down the camera and filming them, he felt real again.
“Taehyung…” Jeongguk calls him calmly. Taehyung hums, eyes not moving from the scenery, though Jeongguk knows that he’s got Taehyung’s full attention, “I want to thank you again.” He says, “For the camera.” Jeongguk adds.
Taehyung turns to him then, mouth curving into a smile, “Of course, Ggukie. I knew you needed it after all.” Taehyung said. He rocks on his feet a few times while his hands are on the railings of the balcony then sighed, “You never spoke about it after you became a CEO but something told me to buy you a camera. I just listened to my heart and gave it to you it.”
“And I appreciate that a lot, Tae.” Jeongguk grins lightly, “it’s been…so hard living up to my parents expectations. To everyone’s expectations really.” Jeongguk bitterly chuckles after his words, looking down at his hands that sits on the railing of the balcony. He opens up to his best friend, something he hasn’t done to anyone in a while, holding in his feelings and dealing with them on his own. He gave up something that kept him elated, something he dreamed about but had to let go and it made him so miserable. The way he lived wasn’t a path he chose for himself, it was chosen for him by his parents, and even though they were lovely people, setting a standard and keeping the family business was really important to them, so important that it robbed him of his passion.
“Holding the camera made me feel like I was on a path I’ve always wanted to be set on, something I chose.” Jeongguk breathed.
Taehyung nods at that, understanding the CEO in ways that Jeongguk already knows. Taehyung puts the palm of his hand on top of Jeongguk’s resting hand on the railing, wrapping around it. The touch tingles, warming him which made him wish it’ll never go away, feeling Taehyung’s hands like this. No matter the situation, Jeongguk will forever be reminded of the feelings he holds for the younger. Though, he pushes his feelings away, clearing his throat and focusing on what they’re really talking about—his path, his passion, the comfort he’s getting.
“I understand which is why I rebelled against my parents to the point where they were sick of me and just gave up.” Taehyung lowly laughs, being reminded of his parents throwing multiple tantrums on him focusing more on becoming the CEO for their business and to get over the “fashion stuff” he does. Jeongguk remembers too, how he’ll be there for those small arguments Taehyung and his parents would have. They completely gave up when Taehyung started building his brand up back in college. Though, even when they were so similar with their stories and their parents, they were so different on how they came about their situations.
Taehyung was always so free spirited, he rebelled a lot, was a little hard headed but adventurous and he hated the rules in his life. Taehyung’s parents were reserved but not as strict as Jeongguk’s parents were, not liking the fact that Taehyung wouldn’t be their next CEO as it should have been but let Taehyung be his own. They already knew that their son was uncontrollable when it came to his future— they still tried to at least set Taehyung on their path but never could. Jeongguk was so different in many aspects that he was afraid to disobey, afraid to stray away from the path he was set on since he was born, afraid to go against his parents and just listened to everything they said, everything they told him to do. When he got into filming in middle school, to them, it was only a mere hobby.
For Jeongguk, it was not. It was something he fell in love with and when they disregarded it, reminding him of what he was really set up for, his heart was cracked. Letting it go and forgetting about it tore him and it was the hardest time of his life tearing it away from himself just to satisfy his parents and live up to them. He wished that he was brave enough to disobey, to do whatever he wanted and live his life with his camera involved. Jeongguk admired Taehyung for how he always stood up for himself, not giving up on his passion. Despite all of this, Jeongguk’s relationship with his parents were fine, they weren’t the perfect family, any family out there isn’t perfect, but they were fine.
His parents are proud of him, still treat him like he’s still their little boy and cradle him in their arms when they see him. Jeongguk knows that they love him, same way that he does too and they wanted what was best for their son like any parent. Though, it cost Jeongguk to feel despairing.
“You have every right to be on your own path now.” Taehyung peered at him, “you deserve to live with that passion again. You still have it, and I’m happy to see you enjoy it again after so many years.” Taehyung says. And he’s right, so right.
He has a right to be his own person, to follow what he always wanted to follow. Taehyung’s words of encouragement gives him a push, a push to have control, to get out of his cycle of being so miserable. This trip, he will. He’s confident he will, “You always know the right things to say.” Jeongguk pointed out, glancing down at their hands.
Taehyung shrugs, “I try. I just know exactly how you feel. We’re best friends you know? And we almost got the same insufferable parents.” Taehyung shook his head at that.
Somehow, Jeongguk’s heart starts to hurt at the term “best friends” that came from Taehyung’s mouth. Even with his locked away feelings that he’s had for years, that term wound the CEO for the first time. Jeongguk distracts himself by answering, “Yeah, they’re really something.”
“Something isn’t even the word. I believe they’re a nightmare.”
“That word actually fits.”
“It does but we love them.” Taehyung giggles, thumb rubbing on the back of Jeongguk’s hand. Jeongguk lets out an inaudible gasp, hoping that Taehyung didn’t hear it.
“We should head to bed.” Jeongguk murmured, trying to get away from the summersaults his heart is doing right now. He doesn’t want to get away, this is something he just couldn’t handle even when the touching is platonic and small.
“Yeah….we should.” Taehyung’s words were breathless, his eyes staring down at his hands. Neither of them pull away, Taehyung still caressing him and Jeongguk taking it, not wanting to pull away. They don’t move, like the both of them don't want to. They eventually do though, knowing that they had to separate and head to bed. It was late anyways, they need to sleep while they have the chance to do so on this trip.
Taehyung couldn’t sleep though. Not when his side of the bed was cold, not when he’s craving a certain warmth that he wants to feel again. It’s one of those nights again, where he doesn’t want to be alone and be with someone. He hasn’t had that warmth in years, giving up after so many failed relationships and lack of affection it had. Because of this, his fear of being alone grew and the craving to feel loved also did all the same.
There were many nights where he could handle it, where he could handle feeling so alone but for some reason, he felt cold and alone once he hit his bed that night. After Jeongguk and he separated to their rooms they reside in, pulling away from each other, the feeling started to grow again. It clouded his mind to the point where he couldn’t sleep, tossing and turning, throwing the covers from off him, he just lay on his back staring at the ceiling and giving up on sleeping. He shouldn’t feel like this when he’s on a trip with his best friend. Taehyung grows a bitter taste in his mouth when he thinks about that term for some reason.
Taehyung starts to feel tempted though, tempted to get up and carry his body to a room he should not go to. They used to do this as kids, it shouldn’t really matter right? Taehyung sighs, biting his lips, shaking the thought from his head and at least trying to sink into his bed to sleep again. Though, after a few minutes, it doesn’t work. Taehyung groans, rubbing his face with his hands then he glances at the door he could still see slightly from the moonlight shining through his room. He throws his legs at the edge of the bed, sitting up with a grunt.
“Fuck it.” Taehyung pads out of the room and to Jeongguk’s and hesitatingly knocks on his door. Immediately, there was an answer. Taehyung’s cheeks bloom, taken aback.
“Yes?” He heard Jeongguk’s voice through the door, so grum from the tiredness seeping through his body.
Without thinking, Taehyung opens the door and closes it behind him. They’re looking at each other now, staring. Jeongguk looks confused, confused as to why Taehyung was there standing by his door looking at him, until he actually looks at Taehyung’s face and starts to soften. Taehyung is anxious, and Jeongguk doesn’t know what he’s anxious about but he doesn’t press on it, he worries about his well being instead, “What’s wrong, TaeTae?” He asks.
Taehyung breathes out an air and just shakes his head, “I—“ he swallows, suddenly scared to voice out what he wants to say. This is nothing new between them. They used to do this as kids. So why does it feel so different to ask not to be alone?
“I just…don’t want to be alone.” Taehyung says in a small voice.
Jeongguk almost didn’t hear him, “Huh?”
Taehyung gulps, “I said that..I don’t want to be alone.” He says louder. Jeongguk makes an understanding face then casually pulls his covers up, patting the empty space beside him. He did that like everything was so natural to him. Then again, they did use to cuddle as kids. Nothing new, this is nothing new. Jeongguk may be half asleep too, mindlessly letting Taehyung in his bed.
It took seven seconds for Taehyung to process this and then scrambles to the bed, slipping under the covers and sighing as Jeongguk tucks him in. He gives him a lopsided smile and snuggles up to Jeongguk before he thinks too much about it and runs away. Taehyung slips his leg between Jeongguk’s and puts his head near his chest, slightly under Jeongguk’s armpit. He clutches on Jeongguk’s tank top and closes his eyes, body a little stiff and then relaxing once he feels comfortable enough to do so, to not think about what he’s doing.
Jeongguk though, short circuits, glancing down at the man falling asleep in his arms in his oversized shirt, fitting so perfectly in his arms. Taehyung always did, always fit in his arms as they cuddled or hugged. This night though, he was in a vulnerable moment, seeking out his comfort and another warmth by his side and as he slipped into his bed and onto his side, cuddling into him with his leg between Jeongguk’s legs, they fit a little too perfectly than normal. Maybe it’s in Jeongguk’s head, sleep catching up with him and making him think of things that probably don't exist. If so, then he’ll rest on it with Taehyung in his arms, in their quietude of the night.