Chapter Text
When Regulus wakes up the next morning James is already missing. The other side of the bed is cold and without a trace of him to be found. It’s a bit scary, because he knows he doesn’t live here alone. With his brother of all people.
He rolls over in bed, huffing out a laugh. The whole bed is sticky and disgusting and he should shower but instead he buries his face in James’ pillow, taking a deep breath. God this man. He smells like cedar wood and molten honey, a bit like caramel too and the scent only makes his dick twitch in his boxers. A groan escapes his throat before he’s getting the willpower to finally get up.
The scent of freshly made eggs leads him to the kitchen, where James stands with the back to him. Torso entirely naked and it’s the first time he even notices his back muscles. It sends his thoughts spiraling,
“Morning,” he mumbles before wrapping his arms around James as he kisses the bare skin of his back – he’s not that much smaller than him. One hand not even hesitating before it sneaks underneath his waistband. James’ head drops back against him.
“Fuck- morning, love.” His hand twists around his cock, slowly filling up underneath his hand until a loud whimper fills the air. Regulus knows he's doomed for his entire lifetime with sounds like this. “God, you’re so-“
“I’m what, daddy?”
He lets out a small gasp, the spatula falls into the pan — completely ignored. His heart does this weird thing again, filled with reckless emotion to confess everything that’s on his mind right then and there. Simply from a few sounds.
“So fucking lovely.” He takes a deep breath, somehow clinging to Regulus behind him before turning around and catching him in a kiss. “How do I even deserve you?”
Regulus doesn’t hesitate, his hand speeds up around his cock, making him writhe against the kitchen counter and the sounds he makes, oh holy shit, the sounds—
“God no, not in my own kitchen!” It’s Sirius’ voice that makes Regulus pull back as if burned. “Can you keep that in the bedroom at least? It’s already enough that you’re dating him.”
Regulus turns around with flushed cheeks, not meeting his eyes once. No one corrects him. James goes back to stirring the eggs that slightly burned in the meantime. The atmosphere shifts,
“I was trying to keep it in the bedroom but I woke up alone in said bedroom this morning,” Regulus mumbles. “I also didn’t know you were home.”
“Well, I live here.” Sirius points out and Regulus cringes. Thinking back now, maybe he shouldn’t have come here yesterday. There’s always his brother somewhere, making stupid comments and it’s all fun and games, yes. But sometimes, he wished that he had met James first. Claimed him before anyone else could – then there wouldn’t be any awkward silences. There wouldn’t be overthinking when it came to this; James could stay over whenever and wherever. But with Sirius? It’s weird.
“Won’t happen again.” James assures him.
“Good, because I don’t want to see that.” Sirius sits down on one of the kitchen seats, phone in hand as he slowly grins at a text popping up. It’s so unfair.
“You’re being dramatic, we have to endure you and Remus all the time and I am also friends with him.” Regulus tries to argue with him. Although he hasn’t seen too much of the both of them lately. Remus is a really private person, but Regulus? Not so much. He likes to show off what’s his. Even though James isn’t that exactly.
”It's not the same thing.”
Regulus rolls his eyes at him and James tries to cover his huffed out laugh.
”How is it not?” Hesitantly, he sits down beside him, watching James cook for the both of them. Still, without a shirt on – it makes his skin itch, there shouldn’t be this line between them, a wall put up. There should be nothing but skin on skin between them–
”You are my brother, Regulus. I don’t wanna be thinking of how my best friend took your virginity every time I see you making out. Especially when your hand is down his pants.” Sirius barely even looks up as he says that, both his hands busy typing a response to Remus probably.
”You told him about that?!” James exclaims. A shade of red settles deeply on his pale skin.
“Regretting it now. Sorry. It’s not like we’re in love or something.” Liar.
”Oh, we’re not?” James peeks over his shoulder with a lopsided grin and it looks very good on him. His heart twists in his chest, what a lovely feeling it is to be wanted like this. There’s nothing that compares to this exact moment. In the kitchen with nothing but a large shirt on, after he’s spent the night with someone he truly adores.
“No more fucking in our kitchen is all I’m saying.” Sirius tells them.
“You don’t even cook here.” Regulus still tries to argue.
“But I eat here.”
Regulus snorts. He’s lived here before, but now being with James in that kind of way makes it too domestic. It somehow feels like something he could have, in a faraway alternate universe.
“Fair enough.” James says, finally turning around and serving the slightly burned eggs.
“Can we fuck in the shower?” Regulus blurts out, chewing on his lower lip.
“Regulus!” It’s James again who sounds too shocked to even form a coherent sentence. The grin in his voice is undeniable at this point.
“What? Just curious.”
If it were for Regulus, he’d have James in every single room, on every single surface of this apartment.
“I don’t have time for this.” Sirius tells him, takes his plate and gets up.
“That’s a yes, James.”
His brown eyes give him a wary look — almost as if he’s unsure. Maybe he is. Maybe he’s never been sure of Regulus in the first place and he’s just wasting a little time with him. Until the right one comes along.
“Sure, love.”
Maybe.
Regulus hates mixing friend groups. He hates when his friends come even remotely close to his older brother and he hates that on some weird planet like earth, they get along. Remus, being Sirius’ boyfriend although he was his friend first. And unfortunately, Barty who always sides with Sirius out of spite to annoy him. Evan is fine with anyone really, but this? Not acceptable.
It’s a Wednesday evening when they decide to go to the movies together. He doesn’t exactly remember what kind they decided on, all he knows is that James is there. Barty laughs a tad too much with Sirius and Remus and he’s on edge immediately.
They wait in line way too long.
James grabs his hand, intertwining their fingers, “You know, it’s not a bad thing they get along.”
Heat rises to his cheeks, squeezing his hand.
“It’s bad enough I’m here with all of you. But now my brother tries to steal the rest of my friends? I don’t know.” Regulus sighs.
“Well you stole me so I guess that’s fair.” James says bluntly, not even looking at him.
For a ridiculous moment he tries to stutter out words, but they get stuck in his throat every single time. Does he mean that? In which way did he steal him? The implication of it drives him crazy.
Regulus watches James from the side for a second, their fingers still locked. Heat spreads through his whole body when they finally make it inside. Sirius gives him an odd look, his eyes obviously darting down to their intertwined hands. There’s no chance in hell, Regulus is going to let go. It’s gay chicken but no one actually backs down, because apparently they both are very gay.
“What do you mean by that?” Regulus finally grits out.
Barty and Evan chatter in front of them while they get popcorn and some drinks.
“Stop gatekeeping Regulus from us!” Barty lays back to throw one arm around him and this is when their hands break apart. His body misses the warmth immediately.
James throws both hands up, “If anything he is gatekeeping me.”
“Oh is he?”
“Stop lying, Potter.”
The second Barty backs off, their hands fall back together again. Glued to one another’s side. It comes as natural as it can be.
“Love changed you, Prongs.” Sirius teases.
Love? No one says it. Everyone ignores it. It’s so sudden that everyone looks away, not meeting each other’s glances. They get their popcorn in silence. James has his eyes on him like a magnet though, his thumb brushes over the back of his hand once in a while, reassuring him.
The moment they’re seating everyone breaks into silent chatter again.
“Maybe I stole you.” Regulus admits silently.
“Yeah, you did.” James leans over and kisses him on the mouth, in front of everyone. God the trick his heart does on him is not good. It’s bad, very bad.
Regulus’ guilt gets the better of him on a Saturday night when they are supposed to go out. His heart still sinks whenever he looks at James — it doesn’t matter if they’ve spent a night together or not. It simply does this thing where it makes Regulus trip with guilt. James doesn’t seem to get it. Sometimes Regulus even wonders if his head is full of air with how easy he takes life.
“James?” His voice is a mere whisper.
“Yes?” James looks up from his pile of clothing he has stocked on his bed. They’re about to go out and James has yet to decide what to wear. A bit insecure, he starts to fidget with his waistband, unable to look at James. Words never come easy to him. He’s more the action kind of guy while James is the exact opposite. “You okay?”
“I’m sorry that I called you straight all the time - when you are very clearly not. I didn’t try to invalidate your sexuality or anything.” Although it’s coming out sincere and genuine, his voice shakes from regret.
His locks brush the sidelines of his face briefly, that’s how fast James gets up and tries to cup his face but Regulus refuses. Obviously too caught up in his own little world, where he deserves a punishment for being stupid in the past.
“Hey, where is this coming from?” James says, cradling his face.
“I’ve been thinking about it a lot.” Regulus admits and of course it’s true. Growing up with parents like his, it’s inevitable to push people into boxes like they did. The breaking point actually is, that Regulus really tries to get rid of those kinds of things and actively tries not to think in said boxes anymore.
James is very obviously not straight — merely for the fact he’s given Regulus more blowjobs than he can count on two hands.
“It’s okay. Don’t worry about it, Reg.” James’ fingers linger on the side of his face, slowly tracing down his neck and it feels too comfortable. Like they belong there. Or were made to hold him this way. But it’s the simple delusion crossing his mind once in a while.
“No, it’s not okay. It was stupid, I was so convinced that you’re– I don’t know.” It’s more word vomit than anything else, his heart pounding loudly in his chest.
James wraps his arms around him. Standing in the middle of his room while he usually doesn’t even spend his time here after a hookup. It’s weird.
“Don’t worry about it, I’ve learned quite a few things about me too.” Regulus’ heart does this odd thing where it stops for a little while.
Before Regulus can even ask about it, he leans back to press their lips together in a quiet, lingering kiss. It’s different from before – no urge to get off, simply being there, enjoying each other’s presence. A nice difference, almost as if– Regulus pulls back.
“Did you?” He avoids James’ eyes, still intertwined with him in a tight embrace. So tight, he can count the lashes on his eyes, to see every freckle on his brown skin. He’s so pretty, it hurts sometimes. With his unruly locks and even more wild personality.
“Yeah.” James nods, gracing the side of his face as he continues kissing his cheek, behind his ear and when a shiver finally settles through Regulus’ bones, he laughs deeply. The warmth spreads through every single muscle.
“Like what?”
Sirius barges in, “Come on, Prongs, we’re– oh.”
The door closes as fast as it opens and Regulus can’t help but laugh quietly.
They go out the same day, although clubbing isn’t really his thing, he manages to convince Barty and Evan to go with him. He’d rather stay at home, but apparently this is Sirius’ and James’ Saturday night routine and apparently, James wants him there as well. Who is he to deny James, really?
To be fair, he doesn’t even know how all of it starts. Maybe when he gets drinks for the whole group while James is on the toilet and he’s too aware of his choice of drinks that everyone looks at him slightly confused. Maybe, when the bartender flirts with him and he puts on his usual “not interested” face before stalking off in silence. Or maybe, when he refuses to go to the dancefloor and keeps chatting with Marlene.
“Your boyfriend is on the dance floor getting some in case you were wondering.”
Regulus raises an eyebrow. They are not — they never were—
“Look,” Marlene points to the dance floor, where James is swaying his hips to the sound of the music. There’s a slight grin curling around his mouth. It’s not graceful or anything remotely close to that, it’s hot though. “The fourth girl is trying her luck already but he always tells them off.”
“He’s.. not my boyfriend.” Regulus says eventually, sipping his drink in silence. Watching every movement of James on the dance floor.
Perhaps that’s how it starts, how he starts questioning every single time he talks to James in public. In retrospect he sees those times James leans in a little bit more, chuckles and blushes around Regulus and maybe only maybe, there’s something more lingering between them. Something he has yet to acknowledge.
“He’s not?” Marlene raises an eyebrow at that, probably questioning how James takes every opportunity to hold his hand.
“Well, no, we’re— uh— I don’t know.” His hands fidget nervously with the rings on his fingers and Marlene, as perceptive as she is, notices immediately.
“You don’t know? I bet he’d break any hands if they even came close to dancing with you.” She smiles brightly, confident in her own words.
Because maybe she is right — maybe James would do that exactly and maybe those thoughts do something to his own mind. The blood rushes to his cheeks, setting a nice red tint on his pale skin. He breaks eye contact with Marlene, not able to hold in anymore because of his own embarrassment.
“That’s not true.” Regulus argues.
“Test it then. Come on.”
In an instant Marlene gets up from her seat, grabbing Regulus by the hand and pulling him towards the dancefloor. Not in any kind of world, Regulus is one to dance at parties. Hell, he usually isn’t at partys. Why is he here?
His heart does a weird thing. It aches uncontrollably, wondering if he’s here because of James. If he can convince himself that James does dance with others, make out with others, they’re not exclusive. They’re not what Regulus has made him up to be in his mind. Trying to paint James as the devil – ignoring the sudden chest pain that comes with it. This is going to be his downfall, rightfully so.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Regulus backs off, the rate of his heart picking up.
“Proving my point, come on, Regulus, dance with me.” She grins when he finally does follow her, quietly. Of course, Marlene makes sure to be in James’ view entirely. She pulls him in a little, close enough to make him flush. Her hands burn on his hips, “Sway them a little, turn around. Oh, he’s looking.”
Regulus turns around., way too close to a woman's body he’s ever wanted to be. Shame crawls up his spine as her hands stay right there, she laughs into his ear. Obviously noticing how his spine stirs.
“Oh.” He says as he sees James for the first time that night. Eyes wide, hungry, annoyed, slightly confused. All the emotions right there, written on his face. He’s never been good at a poker face. His skin is flushed and sweaty and Regulus tries to tell himself it’s because of the people around and not necessarily because of him. “He’s-“
“Jealous? Yeah.” Her hands rest on his hips, still moving his hips as she wanted to. Moving him like a puppet to only James’ amusement — well, or not amusement. What reason would James even have to be jealous? In his head it makes no sense, no matter how many times he turns it. “Have you never noticed?”
There’s no possible reason, he could be—
“He looks furious.” Regulus says, but his gaze bores into James‘. Eyes locked, ready to be taken home. “I have never seen him like this.”
It‘s no lie, because he hasn’t. He has known James for years and years and never has this particular look crossed his face. Never has he looked so possessive over anyone around. The itch underneath his skin crawls, whatdoesitmeanwhatdoesitmean. In silence he keeps dancing with Marlene, stops looking at James at some point to drive him absolutely nuts.
The beat of the music dances on his skin, radiates through every single muscle in his body and for a second he forgets where he is and who he‘s dancing with. For once he feels nice in his own body, powerful over James and anyone even around.
“Here you go,” Marlene whispers as he finally makes his way over. The grin in her voice is evident.
Regulus looks up from the crowd to find brown eyes. Furiously watching him, dilated pupils and sweat slick skin. He‘s absolutely gorgeous. And for a second all he wants is to have his hands on him, to touch him, feel him—His heart does this weird fluttery thing.
“Do you mind, McKinnon?”
She grins, before she backs off completely. “Not at all, all yours.”
“What have I done to deserve this? Are you mad at me?” James whispers into his ear and Regulus takes the initiative to turn around and face him. “Are you punishing me?”
Not punishing,” Regulus murmurs, pulling him closer, desperately clutching onto him. “I just- Fuck, you got so jealous.”
“Because you were dancing with Marlene like-“
“Like what?” James says nothing. “I’m gay, James.”
“God, I know that.” He leans forward, biting the side of his neck and the delicious sound Regulus makes is only extra credit. “You’re—mine, right?”
Regulus sighs, happily, contently. “Oh, James Potter. I am so fully and entirely yours.”
“Yeah, all mine.” is what slips James’ mouth. It sends a shiver down his spine to be this open and raw about it. He’s not my boyfriend. But oh, he is so much more. Regulus leans back against James, hips grinding against his crotch and it makes him smile immediately. The hardness growing underneath his movements,
“All yours, daddy.” The grip on his hips tighten so easily, well enough for Regulus to bite his lower lip. “Take me home, please.”
Regulus laughs softly, his hands coming up to card through his dark locks, trace lovely brown skin and before he even manages to hold back, they’re kissing. On the dance floor, in a club, for everyone to see.
It’s not rushed or hurried — it’s tentative and slow, exploring a mouth he has felt against his own for the millionth time. Because they fit together like puzzle pieces and it feels more than great to let himself fall. Warmth spreads through his upper body as he quietly slips onto his tiptoes. James’ fingers hold onto his neck, his shoulders, every inch of body he can reach within those few minutes they have.
“Good. That’s— that’s good.”
“Now take me home and fuck me, please.” Regulus says, slightly delirious.
James nibbles on his earlobe, humming, “Fuck you?”
Oh the way he pushes their hips together is answer enough, it makes him high from the blood that rushes straight to his dick. There’s barely any restraint when James is around him.
“Will you?”
“Do you want me to?”
Regulus chuckles, “I wouldn’t bother asking otherwise.”
“I’d love nothing more than to be inside you right now, baby.” He kisses a spot behind Regulus’ ear, he knows drives him crazy. A shiver runs through his body.
“Go on then. Fuck me, Jamie.”
When they actually make it to the flat, everything turns into some kind of fever dream. They have at least two more hours until Sirius shows up here and are in no rush. Except that they are. James clutches onto Regulus like his life depends on it. His fingers sneak underneath his shirt in an instant as he presses him against the wall in the hallway.
His own breath hitches in his throat when James starts kissing his neck, his cold hand carefully wandering up his body until it reaches one nipple, twisting it softly between his fingers.
Regulus’ hips buck into him quite easily, exhaling a suppressed moan.
“I’ve never done this before.” James tells him then. “Not like this anyway — with girls yes — but, fuck—“
Oh, he’s nervous. Regulus can’t help but chuckle slightly,
“Me neither, but you know that already. I have nothing to compare it to.” His head drops against James’ collarbone, inhaling his scent. It surrounds him like a cozy cloud of comfort. “Well, except my hands maybe.”
And suddenly, they’re back to kissing, unhurriedly and gently. One hand cups the side of his neck and Regulus melts a little against the wall. Oh how his heart gets heated by such a small action.
James’ hand twists around his nipple again before picking him up by his thighs and carrying him back to his room. The visible strain against his pants is more than obvious as he drops him slowly on the bed. Will the sight of him ever get old? The effect Regulus apparently has on James is absolutely and devastatingly unbelievable.
He crawls over him in a second, kissing the side of his neck, gradually going downwards.
“You probably have to give me some pointers,” James says while helping Regulus up to lift his shirt off of him. His glasses are far too pressed up his nose. “I mean, I’ve done my research but still.”
They kiss again before Regulus undoes his belt.
“It’s no rocket science, believe me.” He tells him and then asks, “Lube?”
It’s a sight for sure, how James gets up with his pants open and ruffled hair. He takes a second to get rid of his own shirt as well and Regulus can’t help but whine lowly under his breath. His underwear is getting wet with precum. There’s no possible air left in his lungs, no blood left in his brain to think properly.
For a minute he sits there watching him roam around in his dresser. A flush is settled high on his brown skin — the muscles on his back tense and Regulus wants to change that. Is he that nervous? He shouldn’t be nervous. If Regulus has ever given any mind to those rumors he’s heard of James Potter. It sure wasn’t that he was bad in bed. This is no different. They are nothing, really. Two friends who decided to experiment a little with each other.
Does this arrangement end after tonight?
James doesn’t give him enough time to think about it because he’s on him in two seconds, tearing off his pants. And even if he doesn’t know what he’s doing, it doesn’t show. He’s always good at words and he uses that.
“You don’t even know how much I thought about this.” James says, his voice sounds a little hesitant. Refusing to take off his glasses when Regulus asks, because he can’t see the flush on his face otherwise.
“How am I allowed to touch you like this?” He kisses the inside of his thigh, bites when necessary and Regulus lets out a content sigh. “I don’t deserve you.”
It doesn’t stop. His fingers pull down the hem of his boxers, exposing his leaking cock and he feels flustered when he shouldn’t be. They have done this before, this is just one more step further.
“God, look at your response,” He fists his cock only to tear a noise out of Regulus’ throat. His body bends off the bed, right into him. “Beautiful.”
“Can you—“
James smiles, low and confident.
“Yeah.”
He takes the lube between his hands and smears a generous amount on his fingers. Regulus has done this many times to himself, thinking of James for quite some time now, but he never thought he’d get here. The attention on him makes him want to hide himself, to crawl away and never come out again.
James spreads his thighs wider and hooks one over his shoulder, kissing the inside for good measure.
“So I just—“ his fingers are shaking and it’s cute and attractive and real. Maybe the slightest bit awkward but oh so good as it always is. He circles his rim, sending a shiver down his spine. James looks too fascinated. “Relax.”
And then he pushes one finger in past the knuckle. Regulus groans loudly, throwing his head back against the sheets,
“Good?”
“Mhm. Move.”
James does. He pulls out again before he thrusts into him with one finger and Regulus lets out a breathy laugh. A content feeling filling up his chest as he does it, because it feels ten times better than doing it to yourself. Because James looks up to him for reassurances, mouth agape and curious.
The pace he sets is slow, trying to feel out his inner walls with all the curiosity left in his body and Regulus simply lets him.
“I think about you when I do this,” Regulus whispers. “It’s nothing compared to the real deal.”
It takes him no more than five minutes to find out how Regulus enjoys being fucked — achingly slow and hard. Graduate thrusts with his fingers that make him see stars. Neither too much nor not enough.
James crooks his fingers and the response is immediate — Regulus arches off the bed, a sound so loud and whiny crawling out of his throat while an electric shock goes through his body. He looks nothing but baffled at him,
“Woah.” James’ mouth is wide open when Regulus looks down to him, smiling. “I did that?”
“Do it again,”
James does. Oh, Regulus loves him. He loves the feeling settling inside his chest, he loves being close to James and what he does to him. He loves him. The way he has taken every single coherent thought in his brain and has it turned upside down with one movement of his finger is remarkable. Oh, he aches to be with him, to be closer and closer and never let him go again.
“Can you do that to me?” James wonders, obviously enjoying the way Regulus’ breath hitches.
“I can do it next but for the love of god, don’t stop.” Regulus hisses at him.
He wastes no time, his mouth is on Regulus in merely a second, swallowing him down until his cock hits the back of James’ throat. A delirious feeling spreads through his bones as much as it makes him feel lightheaded to his very core. He moans around his cock and he feels mildly overstimulated. Full of James, full of a feeling he can’t comprehend.
The prep feels like James himself, warm and comfortable. Nothing weird when he fingers him open and sucks him off like it’s the last thing he does. Speeding up his movements, practiced movements to make him writhe against the sheets and it works so well.
It’s the right amount between edging him into oblivion and leaving him turned on.
When James finally comes up for air and a slow and tentative kiss, Regulus is a mess. His cheeks a flushed with redness, he feels exhausted and turned on to the absolute maximum and he doesn’t think he can– his body bucks into James without even thinking, almost like it’s muscle memory.
“Please–” he says, low and deliberate. James chuckles. “Fuck me, daddy.”
“Oh, baby, you know I would love nothing more.”
He drips lube over his cock before he sets the tip of his cock at the entrance. Suddenly James is too close, invading his space and breathing his air. His eyes look like dinner plates.
“Ready?”
Regulus nods, “Yes.”
And when James pushes inside, his whole body goes rigid. Everything he’s thought he’d known, is not true. Because this, oh this, is a religious experience. A strain on his heart from all the emotion that’s unlocked right then and there. His cock fills him up quite nicely, perfectly, if you will. James’ mouth forms a silent ‘O’.
They find each other in a gentle kiss, nothing drastic, no heat. Warmth and more warmth. Regulus clings onto him, tries to move closer and to keep him right there as James tries to find a fitting pace.
“You feel so perfect, love.” One thrust after another, hitting dead on. There’s nothing hurried about it. He holds eye-contact with every single thrust, makes Regulus fall apart underneath him with the mere sight of it. Fucking him with all the restraint he has left. “Taking me like a goddamn dream – do you – fuck – do you have any idea how much I wanted this?”
“James–” It’s a breathless plea for him to stop talking because there’s this heat coiling in his lower abdomen begging for release.
For years he has imagined James as someone who does it fast and relentless. But when James fucks him, it‘s steady and slow and absolutely beautiful that it makes his toes curl.
“God, you are so beautiful. You have no idea.” For a second, James gets lost in it. In the delirium of his own words, coaxing the sweetest sounds out of Regulus.
The high comes faster than he has anticipated. They claw at each other, afraid to let go and to let it pass, breathing into each other, kissing frantically as the thrust grows more erratic and uncoordinated. It takes Regulus three more before coming all over his stomach. It doesn’t stop after that. James slips out of him but presses their cocks together, moaning from overstimulation.
They stay like this, tangled, kissing, enjoying each other’s company for a little while.
Boundaries begin to fade after that. Regulus stays over more often than he does not. His entire closet becomes one with James’ and no one even dares to ask the question. It doesn’t sit right with Regulus, not to ask. But somewhere deep down, he knows he’s too afraid of the answer.
So he takes it. Legs intertwined at a movie night, holding hands on their way home and breathing into each other’s space every single second of the day. He takes it, because it makes him feel whole and alive and accepted. Someone who actually wants him, makes the time to meet him to watch desperate housewives for the millionth time only to fall asleep while watching it.
To be adored by someone who knows your quirks and ticks and reacts appropriately to it — it’s nice.
His fingers drift carefully over James’ skin when he’s asleep, because he knows this won’t last forever, because he knows he tends to ruin things. But hell, does he want to keep this. Every single freckle on his brown skin makes his heart ache more, yearn for those words to simply bubble out of his mouth when he really shouldn’t.
One simple touch mesmerizes him, even passed out, James leans into the touch and lets out a satisfied sigh.
Oh, he is perfect. The feeling of his chest, of his heart, swelling. It tears him slowly apart.
“Reg?” James mumbles, turning his head to face Regulus in the dark. “You stopped hugging me..”
He sounds tired, exhausted. Regulus wraps his arms around him again and takes a deep breath, inhaling all there is to his scent. Falling deeper and deeper into a hole of insecurity.
“I’m right here.” He whispers. “Go back to sleep.”
And so they do.
“Hey James;” his voice shakes. It‘s the middle of the night again, unable to sleep because this voice in his head keeps pestering him. His heart feels heavy and it still doesn’t sit right with him. How has he brought himself into this situation?
Regulus is so scared of the answer that he barely hears James‘ voice beside him.
“Yeah?”
One heartbeat, then two. He contemplates his choices, if he should actually ask or just let it be. His anxiety gets the better of him though.
“Are we boyfriends?” The rummaging beside him gets too loud, James turns around to face him. The expression says it all, he‘s not—
“Are we not?” James interrupts his endless train of degrading thoughts in his head.
From what he can see in the dark, his mouth is slightly parted, lifting himself up on one elbow to watch him properly. They have shared this bed for quite some time and still, Regulus has doubts. Well, at least before James‘ words can even settle in his brain and string one coherent sentence together.
“We never talked about it?” He says eventually.
James lifts his hand to brush over his cheek, tugging a strand of hair behind his ear. His heart skips a beat, visibly leaning into his touch. Because that’s all there is: if heaven was a place, it was right here beside James Potter.
“I thought it was pretty obvious with all the public handholding and being all mushy with each other.” James explains and maybe he is right, it should have been obvious and it was. But in Regulus’ mind there has never been the possibility that James could be interested in more than just sex. Why would he be interested in more than just sex? There’s nothing exciting when it comes to Regulus. All they do is lay in bed and either make out or watch some tv show.
“To me it wasn’t.” Regulus answers, a bit grumpily.
“Do you want to be my boyfriend?” James asks, his face lights up entirely. As if he was waiting to just say that and perhaps he was.
“Yes. Do you?” Regulus is more nervous than he should be.
“Of course, love. There isn’t a no strings attached when it comes to me. It’s always all strings attached.” He leans in to press a kiss to any skin he can reach.
“See, I knew that.”
“And yet you decided to let me do this.”
“Because I’ve had the biggest crush on you for ages.”
James grins, “Really?”
They stare at each other for barely a moment. Maybe he has been the slightest bit more subtle than James about this, but all his friends knew. If you knew what Regulus looked like when he fell in love, then it was this. When James is like the sun, pulling you in like a magnet there’s only this one thing you can do. Fall in love with him. Sometimes Regulus even thinks everyone is a little in love with him, just like he’s a little in love with everyone else. Just in different ways.
“Yes. Embarrassingly so.” He tells him, hiding his face in his pillow.
“Can I tell you something?” James nuzzles into his neck as if he belongs there, making himself a home.
Regulus nods.
“Your brother has called me out on my crush on you years ago.” It’s a quiet admission into the side of his neck. For a moment he swears he can feel James’ heart beating against his own. But maybe it’s just a phantom.
His cheeks turn red immediately. James keeps calm against him, acting as if this was the most natural thing for him to say when all they’ve done for the past month has been having sex for “experience”.
“James.” it sounds more like a warning than anything else.
“Hm?” He suddenly looks up, backing off from him but his body wants to draw him in again.
“I thought I was imagining half of this.” Regulus admits.
James searches for something Regulus can’t quite detect. Undecipherable reflection in his eyes, oh, he is so pretty Regulus wants to kiss him until he knows no words anymore. Until the only syllable on his lips is Regulus, the only thought in his mind is him.
“You weren’t. I didn’t try to be subtle about it.” He offers.
“And I still didn’t get it.” His cheeks heat with embarrassment. Why has his brother never said anything about it?
“Not really.”
James leans in to kiss him again, a gentle press of lips in the dead of night. Without any heat or cravings behind it. Simply to show him that this is so much more.
“Marlene called you my boyfriend the other day.” Regulus says then, because the denial of this very statement has lived rent free in his head.
“Did she?” A smile curls around his lips.
“Yeah. She was confused when I told her you’re not.” And it’s the whole truth. Although Regulus has been toying with the fact in his head, he knew there was nothing official going on. In his head, he tried to justify it and make his feelings go away by doing so. It was not possible. How could it be when he has yearned for James for years?
“Ah.” James says. “That’s why she danced with you.”
James sits up and looks at Regulus properly — well as much as it is possible in the darkened room at almost 4 a.m.
“Yeah.” Regulus whispers back, sitting up as well.
“You said you were mine before.” James offers.
“I was in denial obviously.”
“So you are?”
“What?”
“Mine?”
His heart does this stupid thing again as he tries to hide his flustered face from him. This — this is too much. Growing up, he’s never even remotely learned to talk about his feelings and yet here is. Offering bits and pieces to a guy he’s gonna love for eternity.
“Of course, I have been for a while.”
James grins at him. “Good.”
And then a beat,
“I love you, Reg.”
Regulus can’t help but crash into him, grinning right into the kiss.
“I love you too, Jamie.”