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“What do you mean I’m not gonna be the center on my debut?” She rasped between her teeth.
“What I mean is that it’s dangerous for you to be in the main spotlight when your twisted ankle has barely healed, Nikaido,” the manager explained.
“It did heal.”
Yamamoto glanced at her left foot, which was not fully flat on the floor, and made a concerned expression. The idol avoided his eyes, clearly caught in a lie.
“...It healed enough.”
He sighs “Nikaido, you know I shouldn’t even let you perform today, right?”, she frowns. “We are very concerned with your health. We are letting you perform behind because you promised you’d go to the doctor after this.”
The silence that follows is uncomfortable. She bites her lips and stomps — as much as she can with her hurt foot — to her dressing room.
It’s not fair, was the conclusion that Rui Nikaido had.
She worked hard to be the center of Mystery Kiss, harder than she ever did before. Had she not done her best? She had practiced a lot since her trainee days, was it not enough? Why did they choose Mitsuya Yuki as the center? Why was it not her? Why did it have to be Mitsuya? It’s not fair. Not fair.
It was a last minute change, right? It’s just because of my ankle. They wouldn’t replace me like this, right..? Unanswered questions came to her head like a flood, but she could not let her face betray her. Not now. It’s hardly 40 minutes before they officially enter the stage for the first time.
Nikaido holded back her tears burning with anger, preventing her stage makeup from smudging. The dress in her hands is crumpled so tight it might get very creased. No, she thought, I can’t let anyone see me like this. I’m not gonna lose like this.
She finally unfurrowed her eyebrows that were so uptight seconds ago and took a deep breath.
Breathe in.
It’s fine.
Breathe out.
It’s only this once.
Breathe in.
I’m Mystery Kiss’ leader. They still need me.
Breathe out.
This is not how it’s gonna end.
The crowd is not big at all, around 20 people at best, some of them holding mystery kiss-colored glowsticks — pink, blue and yellow. Among the few heads, the silver hair of a loyal fan pops up, cheering loudly and waving his pink glowsticks.
The group was finally announced on stage and he gave a big ‘woo’. However, he noticed something was odd.
When the group entered, Yuki Mitsuya was in the center and Rui Nikaido and Shiho Ichimura were on both her sides. The three stood there gleefully and occasionally gave a short wave to some fans.
But… Mitsuya wasn’t in the center of the promotional posters or on their pre-debut performances, was she? No, it was yellow-pink-blue not yellow-blue-pink, he was sure of it. Did something happen? Did their dynamic change or something? Well, there's no use thinking about it now, not when he waited so much for their debut.
It was really a shame he had no more than a few bucks to his name. This group was very special to him and he wanted Mystery Kiss to make everyone as happy as it made him, but for now he could only support them the way he could — by showing up to everything they did, that is.
He waved his glowsticks around and continued watching the show, deciding to just enjoy the moment he waited for a long time since meeting his favorite group.
“Thank you so much for coming to our show, all of you!” Mitsuya said on the microphone.
“I hope you enjoyed the show!” Ichimura smiled and waved to the crowd.
“I hope we can see all of you soon!” Nikaido beamed energetically, gaining a loud cheer from someone in the crowd.
After some moments of farewell, the idols walked behind the stage. As soon as they left the eyes of the fans, Nikaido Rui dropped her shining smile and walked angrily to their manager.
“Yamamoto-san, tell me honestly,” she snarled. “Is this a permanent change?”
He flinched so subtly that it almost escaped Nikaido's eye. She squints her eyes at him and Yamamoto looks away guiltily.
“Why now?” she demanded. “Why did you make this decision less than an hour before our debut?”
He hesitated for a moment and looked at her. “We’ll talk about this later.” There’s people watching, he seemed to say.
For a second there, Rui almost forgot it was mere minutes after they left the stage. She discreetly looked around, catching the curious eyes of some bystanders around and the worried glance that Ichimura gave her before turning away. “...Fine,” she sighed and changed the subject, “we still have the Meet and Greet, right?”
“Yes.” he went back to the profissional stance he usually has. He looked at her other group members. “You three should be ready to sign some CDs after this break.”
The idols went to their changing room, having just enough time to make themselves presentable — cleaning their sweaty faces, touching up their makeup, drinking some water — again before they left to give autographs. Nikaido pretended she didn’t notice the mysterious glances Mitsuya gave her from time to time and just put on her lively persona again, much like a customer service smile, ready to meet their fans.
The queue of fans they were soon to meet were waiting excitedly. Nikaido Rui, Ichimura Shiho and Mitsuya Yuki stood behind the table as the staff helped move the line. The idols smiled as fans came to shake their hand and buy signed album copies, one after the other.
Nikaido was beginning to feel tired until it was the turn of a familiar fan to talk to her. He was one of their first fans. Ah, so he was the loud one in the audience, her smile was genuine this time and as a result, he let a wide smile shaking her hand enthusiastically, “Congratulations on your debut, Rui-tan,” he beamed.
“Ah, thank you Imai-san,” she said warmly. Memories of him cheering loudly on her pre-debut concerts came into her mind. “I want to thank you for your support since back then,”
“No, no! It was nothing,” he chuckled, scratching the back of his head bashfully. “I’m just glad to support my favorite idol!”
Nikaido’s smile reached her eyes, “Thank you for sticking with us until now.”
“Don’t mention it, really,” Imai froze for a moment as if he remembered something important. “Oh, I just remembered! Last performance Mitsuya-san wasn’t a center, was she? Did something happen?”
She flinched at the question, It seemed as if time had paused for an instant. Ah. I didn’t think he would ask me this, she thought, although it’s not strange that my oldest fan pointed that out. It would be a pain if other fans also questioned today's change, after all, all the posters still had her as the main idol. However, it would be worse if they found out she insisted on performing injured even after her manager offered to postpone. At the time, Nikaido thought her fans would be disappointed if the concert date was delayed, but now guilt stinged on the back of her mind as she thought that maybe she should have postponed it after all. Her fans would be more disappointed if they knew she didn’t perform in her best condition.
Nikaido quickly slipped back into the idol persona. “It was just a last minute arrangement, don’t worry about it,” she waved her hands dismissively. “I will be the center next time as usual, so don’t miss out!”
“Oh, okay, I’m looking forward to it!” he smiled again, clearly relieved. “So, um, can you sign this?” he holded up his newly-bought Mystery Kiss album, “I wanted to buy more to support you more but I can’t afford it right now...”
“Of course!” she said, grabbing the album with her pen in hands, “What do you want me to write?”
Nikaido adjusted her leather jacket and entered the small meeting room. She crossed eyes with Yamamoto Fuyuki, the latter gesturing her to sit. She drags the chair out and sits, crossing her legs. Her face is as serious as ever, Yamamoto looked at her for a second. “So…?” she demanded.
He clears his throat, “Nikaido, we have been thinking about this subject for a bit,” he began reluctantly, “and we’ve decided on letting Mitsuya be the center of Mystery Kiss.”
Ah, the betrayal she felt. So that’s how it is, huh? Her expression darkened. “What.” it barely sounded like a question.
“We’ve been noticing your difficulty with the choreography and we decided that we couldn’t let you be the leader like this, especially now that we let you perform when you should’ve been resting.”
Each word that left his mouth made her scowl deepen, she grew more and more discontent. “That doesn’t mean you can make a big decision like that out of nowhere!” Nikaido snapped, “We’ve been doing this for so long, why do you want to change it so suddenly?”
“I’m sorry for the lack of warning but I stand by my word. I am the manager of Mystery Kiss and I will do what I can to see the group succeed.”
“But-”
“You can’t change this, Nikaido.” he clasped his hands together, “It may have come unannounced but it’s final.”
They looked at each other for some time, the tension could be cut with a knife. Fine. After some minutes in silence, Nikaido clicked her tongue, broke eye contact and got up to leave. If I can’t convince him, Mitsuya will have to give it up.
Frustrated, she closed the door.
That was not what Nikaido had in mind, really.
Her plan was to threaten her, maybe beat her up a bit, but…
When she entered the dark meeting room, Mitsuya Yuki was already dead.
Her breathing became heavier by the second, trying to focus on the scene before her to no avail. It can’t be… She staggered to Mitsuya’s direction, afraid that if she got too close her fear would turn real. Nikaido’s eyes crossed the girl’s lifeless ones and felt a shiver crawl up her spine, her knees gave in and she fell to the ground, eyes never leaving the corpse sitting on the chair.
She breathed frantically now. “Who…” She muttered but couldn’t finish her sentence before her throat closed and it felt hard to breathe. She crawled backwards, as if getting away from her dead friend would wake her up from this bad dream.
Except it wasn’t a dream. This was real.
Calling her manager was difficult with hands trembling non-stop and eyes full of tears, but she managed. She had to.
Yamamoto came in and asked if she did it. She couldn’t say a word to her defense, but it seemed like he understood.
The rest of the night was a blur, she could count in her hand the things that she vaguely remembered. She remembered watching two people come in. She remembered the weight of something in her arms. She remembered the haunting noise of something being mutilated. She remembered helping the strangers throw something in the ocean. She remembered standing there until the sun painted her face.
It was then she realized, her blank eyes full of a deep sorrow and regret. Life doesn’t wait for you. She would have to live in a world where her friend died.
Nikaido took a train home.
A new temporary member was added to the group to make up for Mitsuya’s disappearance, but she knew it was permanent. After all, Nikaido knew of the plan, Yamamoto told her the next steps. They would pretend Mitsuya Yuki had gone missing and ask her family to make a missing report to the police, that way they could find out if they left a lead behind. After that, they would persuade them to take the report back. It shouldn’t be too difficult to convince her parents that Mitsuya ran away from home because her father’s criminal record might affect the group’s reputation.
Wadagaki Sakura was the best replacement for Mitsuya and she seemed thrilled to be a part of the group even under Mitsuya’s stage name. Nikaido welcomed her with a warm smile. She had to act normal, even when she felt emotionally dull.
Their manager introduced the concept of their next concerts and posters, the idea being that both Ichimura and the new Mitsuya would wear masks while Nikaido would not. He said it was to ‘really bring the ‘Mystery’ out of Mystery Kiss’, but Nikaido knew it was so Wadagaki wasn’t discovered.
The audience was unsure about it, though. Many Mitsuya fans were upset that their idol covered up her face and was not the center anymore and many more were growing suspicious because Mitsuya’s appearance was so different from their past performances.
Numerous theories about an underground idol being replaced after some tragedy infiltrated a wider audience and Mystery Kiss was gaining some recognition. Just maybe not the kind they were after.
How long could they keep up the façade before someone found out? This was a burden Nikaido would have to carry to her grave and hope no one would drag it out of her.