Chapter Text
*Two months later*
Skwisgaar laid on his bed in his boxers with his t-shirt rolled up to help him cool off and a popsicle in his mouth. He’d been getting hot flashes at night, and Toki was a human furnace, constantly glued to his side, so that didn’t help his case. Toki had been sleeping in Skwisgaar’s room now nearly every night, and as thankful as Skwisgaar was to have him there, he found it impossible to get up to pee when Toki had a death grip on him while he slept. Toki was Skwisgaar’s boyfriend now and the two of them were more inseparable than ever, which came to no one’s surprise.
Now that he was almost 8 months pregnant, Skwisgaar was back to lounging in his room all day. Not because he was hiding out anymore, but it was just too much effort to walk around Mordhaus unless he needed to. The place was huge and easy to get lost in even for Dethklok, but they weren’t the smartest guys out there.
The guys came to visit Skwisgaar often and showed him the progress they were making on the album, and Skwisgaar would help edit Murderface’s shitty bass playing and was back to nagging Toki to practice. It was like he was his old self again, for the most part. The hormones were still kicking his ass, but he was less depressed about his situation now that he’d accepted it. He still had his moments where he’d break down crying because he couldn’t put his shoes on by himself, like yesterday when Toki offered more than five times to assist him and Skwisgaar was adamant that he could ‘does it’ himself. But twenty minutes later he was still struggling and Toki found him teary eyed and frustrated. They were only going to pick up a pizza, it wasn’t the end of the world, but to Skwisgaar it was so Toki kept his patience. Toki also ordered some slip on shoes that Skwisgaar could put on without any help so he’d stop crying any time Toki had to help him tie his shoes.
Skwisgaar was finally leaving Mordhaus and Toki was so proud of him he could scream. It was never anywhere too crazy, he knew he still had to be cautious if he wanted to keep himself and the baby safe. Skwisgaar was still debating on whether or not he wanted the public to know what was up; they still speculated over the very few photos of him they got, but he made sure to wear oversized clothing when he left Mordhaus or stayed in the car if there was a crowd. Skwisgaar figured he’d just let them think he put on weight and then after the baby was born, he’d return back to the spotlight looking flawless.
Skwisgaar had grown to embrace his new way of life and was convinced he must’ve been chosen to live as a god among men for some divine purpose he didn’t yet understand. Whether it was true or not, he had more self confidence and was proud that he was able to both give and receive a life form through his favorite activity: sex. He and Toki even talked about having a baby together someday, which Skwisgaar never would’ve imagined he’d want a family but now it was important to him. Toki always wanted a family and now that he could get Skwisgaar pregnant he was having a hard time containing himself. The baby wasn’t even born yet and Toki was already asking when he could get Skwisgaar pregnant again. Skwisgaar decided that if he had Toki’s help the second time around, he wouldn’t mind it, but first he wanted to see how the birth of the first baby went. He was still having nightmares about giving birth and all the delivery room horror stories he’d stayed up reading weren’t helping him sleep any better.
Skwisgaar reached for another Popsicle, opening it and tossing the wrapper into the heap beside his bed. He lost count of how many he’d eaten, he just knew he wasn’t feeling any more cooled off. He even had the fan on but it wasn’t helping.
“Toki! Ams you practiskings de guitars in there or just fuckings around?”
Skwisgaar was on FaceTime with Toki who was in the recording studio with the other guys. He was supposed to record his rhythm parts today but he kept messing up each time Knubbler hit the record button. They’d taken a lunch break and Toki called Skwisgaar to rant.
“I ams tryings! But I ams too nervous!”
Skwisgaar rolled his eyes, taking his popsicle out of his mouth to reply. “You keeps sayings that.” He set his phone down so it could rest against his tummy.
“Wells it’s true! I don’t likes bein aways from you guys for too longs!”
Skwisgaar smirked playfully. “We ams fine, Toki’s. Just ins beds wheres you lefts us.”
“Ja, but I wants to be ins beds with you ands keeps you company-“
“You cans does that as soon as you ams finishes your guitars playings. Oh ja, befores you goes cans you brings more of thems pops-cockles? I just finishes this ones.”
“Oh ja! Hey Nathan’s I gotta goes helps Skwisgaar, sees ya!”
“Toki that’s ams not what I-“
Toki ended the call and Skwisgaar muttered under his breath. He was back in work mode and was doing what he could to help with the process of the album. He couldn’t wait until he was finally able to hold his guitar again and play. The thought alone could send him into tears of joy.
A sudden noise came from behind the mirror on his wall and Skwisgaar glanced around his room from his bed, not bothering to get up since it took too much effort.
“Eh hellos? Toki’s?”
The mirror flashed with a whirl of smoke and once it cleared Skwisgaar saw the woman staring back at him.
“Hello, Skwisgaar.” Was all she said.
Skwisgaar just crossed his arms and spit his Popsicle stick out, unbothered. The witch had tried this before and he was over it by now. The first time she appeared to him was when he was brushing his teeth in the bathroom; the mirror above the sink lit up and there she was, staring back at him with a sadistic look in her eyes when she saw him heavily pregnant and startled.
But now the visitations had become mundane and expected; she couldn’t physically enter Mordhaus due to some unknown barrier, so she used a form of astral projection. Skwisgaar was far from amused by it.
“Eugh…why’s thems pops-cockles sticks taste so bads…What’s ams you comes back to me fors ladies? Can’t you sees I ams busy?”
She scoffed, crossing her arms. “Busy doing what exactly?”
“Rockstars musics shit you wouldn’t understands.” He said back to her reflection. He pulled himself up so he could somewhat sit, he still had to lean back on his elbows to support himself. During the end of month 6, Skwisgaar had the Klokateers push his bed up against the wall so he could lean against it. Without something to lean against he couldn’t sit up on his own.
“Is that so?”
“What’s you wantings, eh? You ams a pains to deals with.” Skwisgaar sighed, turning his phone back on.
The woman looked shocked that he was firing insults back at her.
“How dare you! Aren’t you miserable?”
Skwisgaar turned on a YouTube video of himself playing a guitar solo and raised an eyebrow. He stared back at her blankly, as if she bored him to death.
“I ams.”
“No you’re not! You don’t even…Why haven’t you contacted me? Aren’t you going to beg me to change things back?”
She sounded like a jealous ex girlfriend and Skwisgaar wasn’t interested. He turned the volume up on his phone to drown her out
“Cans you likes says your piece and fucks off? I ams tries to watches myself ons de YouTubes ands you ams honestly annoys me.”
“You haven’t learned any lesson from this at all! What a waste!”
“Pfft. Eh. Ja I dids learns a lessons actuallies.”
“And what is that?” She huffed.
“Nots to fucks around with skanky sluts likes yourselfs.”
“You should be ashamed of yourself!”
“Ja? Nots de first times I heards that.”
“What about the baby then? You said yourself you aren’t legally responsible for any babies.”
“Ja. Nots responskibles for alls you ladies whens you haves de babies. But this ams my babies.” Skwisgaar shrugged. “Nothings I cans does to changes it nows. I ams mades peace with it.”
“You- you have?! This is not….I should’ve never chosen you!”
Skwisgaar just smirked at her. “Aw looks at you… goes cries about it ladies. Oh, ands goes fucks yourselfs.”
Her power was useless against Skwisgaar now and she knew she fucked up big time. She needed him to be devastated by this curse otherwise she no longer had control over him, and she was desperate not to lose that control. But she should’ve known better than to fuck around with Dethklok. Or their manager.
Toki entered the room and the witch disappeared. She had a sinking suspicion something was horribly wrong. But what?
“Who’s ams you talking to?” Toki asked, handing over the box of cherry popsicles to his boyfriend.
“Just myselfs.” Skwisgaar said, taking the box and ripping it open. He was craving cold things a lot lately and had polished off all the band’s popsicles in two days. The guys were not happy about it in the slightest.
Toki crawled onto the bed and over to Skwisgaar where he laid with his pregnant belly out. Toki wanted to fuck him and cuddle him so badly, but he knew sex was too difficult for Skwisgaar right now, considering the last time they tried to fuck Skwisgaar’s back gave out and Toki had to spend an hour giving him a massage while Skwisgaar bitched the whole time. The last few months of pregnancy had turned Skwisgaar into an even bigger bitch than he usually was. He was so uncomfortable and moody that if anyone looked at him the wrong way he was at their throat.
“Cans I puts that lotions ons you agains?” Toki asked hopefully. He loved touching Skwisgaar body, especially when he was pregnant. The extra weight made him so soft that Toki just wanted to squeeze and pinch him and kiss him all over, but had to restrain himself or he’d get whacked on the head with a pillow.
“If you feels it ams necessary.” Skwisgaar’s words came out muffled around the Popsicle in his mouth.
“I does!” Toki jumped up and ran to get the lotion. He loved giving Skwisgaar full body massages now that they weren’t as sexually active. It was one intimate thing they could still partake in together, even though Toki was the only doing the work, but he didn’t mind. His breeding kink was fueled the more he got to be Skwisgaar’s caretaker and tend to all his needs. Toki still liked to imagine the baby was he and Skwisgaar’s and that Skwisgaar’s belly was so big because of him. Toki was a weird little guy but he was sweet and just wanted to be the best partner and father he could.
Skwisgaar never denied the massages, his joints ached all over and he was still longing for some type of sensuality in his life if it wasn’t sex. He’d read about different sex positions to try while pregnant, but so far they just left him worn out and wheezing for air.
Toki returned with a smile, sitting across from Skwisgaar on the bed.
“What’s you smilings about?” Skwisgaar asked, free hand lovingly rubbing his tummy.
“You looks so cute.” Toki laughed, staring at his boyfriend fondly.
Skwisgaar wasn’t sure if ‘cute’ was the word he’d describe himself as but he’d take it as a compliment. He felt so fat and exhausted all the time so he was glad Toki still found him so pretty.
Toki put his hands on Skwisgaar’s huge tummy, leaning down to kiss it. He loved how soft it was against his lips and how warm Skwisgaar’s skin was.
Skwisgaar smiled softly, reaching over to run his fingers through Toki’s hair. He was so lucky to have Toki in his life.
Skwisgaar was used to Toki being all touchy and didn’t mind it now, he was glad someone loved his baby bump so much. He struggled to find as much joy from it because it was so hard to breathe and walk, but Toki thought it was so precious.
“Ams de babies doing goods?” Toki asked, tracing his fingers over Skwisgaar’s side.
“Ja- just movings arounds a lots- oh fucks. I gots to piss agains-“
Toki jumped up, offering his hands and Skwisgaar took them, pulling himself to his feet. Skwisgaar hated how he couldn’t get up on his own, but Toki never complained about helping him and always did it with a smile.
Toki helped him to the bathroom while Skwisgaar griped about his feet hurting. Once they’d made it to the toilet, Skwisgaar sat down with a groan, cupping his lower belly.
“I ams not goings to miss this.”
Toki pouted, leaning against the wall. “But you looks so cutes whens you gots a babies ins your tummy.”
Skwisgaar rolled his eyes playfully. “I knows, you keeps sayings that.”
Skwisgaar finished taking a piss, hoping that was it for now. He never had to pee so much in his life. But the nurse said the baby was pressing on his bladder so it made sense. It didn’t make it any less annoying.
Toki helped Skwisgaar stand, trying to go slowly so his back didn’t lock up again. While Skwisgaar washed his hands, Toki hugged him from behind, wrapping his arms around Skwisgaar’s belly; he couldn’t get his arms all the way around him, but he didn’t mind and loved how plush Skwisgaar’s waist was now.
“Enjoyings yourself, lilla Toki?” Skwisgaar asked, drying his hands off on a towel and tossing it onto the counter.
Toki nodded, eyes closed and smiling warmly. “Mhmmm. I loves you.”
Skwisgaar smiled softly, patting Toki’s arm. “Thanks you…I loves you too…”
Skwisgaar relaxed against Toki’s embrace, staring at his reflection in the mirror above the sink. His belly was so big he couldn’t stand without slouching, it was too heavy and he needed to lay down again. He wanted the baby out so badly, then he could get back to doing things for himself, like putting his own socks on or sleeping on his stomach. And maybe he’d finally be able to lose some of the extra weight too.
Toki seemed to read his thoughts. “Just ones more months thens de babies here.”
Skwisgaar’s heart rate picked up, but outwardly he stayed calm, placing his hands on his bump.
“Ja…One’s more months.”
“I knows you wills does great ands I wills be with you de wholes time.”
. . .
Skwisgaar had finally reached 9 months pregnant and though he wasn’t dying, he definitely felt like it. He’d thought six months was bad enough but now he was on strict bed rest. He’d been having stomach pain on and off and wasn’t very mobile. His belly was so big he’d been stealing Nathan’s t-shirts to wear if he had to be around people. If he was alone or with Toki he wore a pair of women’s short-shorts and a crop top. He said it made his ass look good but it was mainly because he was so uncomfortably full from the baby that clothes felt smothering to wear.
Skwisgaar laid in bed with the tv on, Toki was cuddled up to his side and the rest of the band were crammed onto the end Skwisgaar’s bed watching a movie. Skwisgaar had been going through another box of popsicles and was ‘hogging them all to himself’ according to Murderface. Skwisgaar kicked the bassist in the face when he tried to steal a popsicle for the billionth time that day.
“I loves this movies!” Toki smiled, head on Skwisgaar’s bony shoulder.
“I hates it. It’s ams gives to me a headaches.” Skwisgaar muttered, in a rotten mood. He was so done being pregnant.
“You hate everything lately-“ Murderface began and Skwisgaar kicked him again with a bare foot.
“Ow! You motherfucker I shcould beat your assk!”
Toki grabbed Murderface by the neck before he could say another word, lowering his voice and speaking through his teeth. “If you touches Skwisgaar I’s gonna breaks your fuckings nose.”
Murderface almost shit himself and put his hands up defensively. “Woah! Geeze Toki! It wash just a joke! Ow…”
Toki shoved Murderface away and then cuddled up with Skwisgaar again like an innocent little kitten. Toki smiled sweetly and kissed Skwisgaar’s cheek.
“You’s soooo cute.”
“I don’t feels cute I ams feels huge.”
“Wells de babies ams almost ready to comes out!”
“Ja, I wish it woulds hurry’s up alreadys…”
Skwisgaar sighed, finishing the last of the popsicles. He was wearing one of Toki’s black metal t-shirts again but this time as a crop top, and a pair of pink booty shorts that said ‘that bitch’ across the ass. He wasn’t sure which Klokateer picked them out when he went to dig through his newest clothing haul one morning, but they deserved a raise.
Skwisgaar groaned, fanning himself with his hands. He was too hot lately and decided to just ditch baggy clothes all together, but even the blanket he and Toki were sharing was too hot and kept sticking to his tummy.
“I needs to gets naked or somethings-“
“Ah. Please, wait until I leave the room. Thank you.”
Charles stood in the doorway with a briefcase.
“Where are you headin too lookin all fancy? You gotta date?” Pickles teased.
Charles raised his eyebrow. “No. Not a date. Just some very important business to attend to…Before I go, I just need to make something very clear to you all.”
“Wait!” Nathan bellowed, eyes trained on the tv screen.
Charles sighed. “Yes Nathan?”
“Sorry. That Sonic hot dog commercial was fucking awesome…Okay uh. What were you yapping about?”
Charles sighed again, removing his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose. He took a deep breath and then put them back on his face.
“Look. I will be gone for most of the day. I have something dire to take care of…It’s best you all heed my warnings…you don’t know what that means, do you? Okay. Ah. Just don’t leave Mordhaus, alright? That should ah. Should be easy for you all to understand.”
“Oh come on! What’d you think we’re gonna do, burn the place down?”
“Someday, maybe, yes. But no, Nathan, I need you all here to keep an eye on Skwisgaar.
Skwisgaar was eating peanut butter straight out of the jar with a spoon as everyone turned to stare at him.
“Mes? What’s de fucks dids I do?!”
“Nothing, you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m just ah…concerned for your safety. You know you’re overdue by a week, the baby could come at any moment. My job is to keep you all out of harms way. So when I leave, stay here. In bed. Don’t do anything stupid. If Skwisgaar goes into labor I want you four to get the doctor and call me. Are we clear?”
Dethklok stared at Charles like clueless children.
“Wants to hears dis really cools fart noise I learns to do yesterdays?!” Toki asked excitedly, completely unaware of what was just said.
Charles blinked at the adult man child. “Uh. Sure, Toki.”
Dethklok glanced at Toki with anticipation, all of them stifling their laughter.
Toki cupped his hands over his mouth and blew a mediocre fart noise that sounded more like a deflating balloon than a fart.
“Holy fucks, Toki’s! That’s greats!” Skwisgaar laughed, and the rest of the guys all agreed.
“That was fucking aweschome!” Murderface screamed, wide eyed.
“Ya just don’t hear farts like dat in real life, ya just don’t ever get that…that was a clean soundin one too.” Pickles added.
Charles stood there with a dead pan expression. “Very ah…very good. Now, you all heard what I sa-“
Nathan interrupted him again.
“We heard you! For fucks sake, have a little faith in us!”
“Yeah, c’mon dood, it’s naht like we’re gonna go ape shit once you leave.”
Charles nodded curtly, picking his briefcase up again. “Alright. I’m ah, sorry to have doubted you. You have my apologies. Good day.”
-
It hadn’t been a mere half hour since Charles left Mordhaus and the guys were already itching to break the rules.
“This movie fucking sucks, Toki…” Nathan grumbled from the floor.
“Oh, screw’s you off! It’s does not sucks!”
“It does! I’m so fucking bored. You fuckers wanna go to the hot tub?”
Toki snapped his head away from the tv to scold Nathan. “Charles saids no leavins de rooms!”
“That wash more of a shuggestion, Toki! Live a little!” Murderface sat on the floor with one boot off, scraping at his ingrown toenail with his pocketknife.
“Oh dats fuckings diskustings Murderface!” Skwisgaar snatched up a pillow from behind Pickles’s head and threw it at the bassist.
“I’m fucking bored! We’re all sitting here like unflushed turdsh!”
Skwisgaar suddenly groaned, setting the empty jar of peanut butter down. He rubbed his rounded belly, scrunching his face up. He’d accidentally eaten all of it while distracted by the movie and now his stomach hurt.
“Okej dat wasn’t smarts…”
“What’re you eatin peanut butter for anyway?” Pickles asked curiously.
Skwisgaar stifled a burp with his hand, then groaned as he got another stomach pain.
“Eughhh…I reads onlines that it cans helps speeds up de labors processk- but I thinks it was a lies. Ehhh…”
Toki ‘awwed’ and reached over to rub Skwisgaar’s tummy. It was so big and round and perfect. He was going to miss it. He’d just have to get Skwisgaar pregnant again.
Toki fussed over Skwisgaar, massaging his side gently while Skwisgaar whimpered.
“Heugh…I gots to stops reading thems pregnancies blogs…”
Murderface scoffed. “You really went to the internet to shearch for medical information!? I have a whole book of medical shcit in my room! Hold on-“
Skwisgaar merely whimpered and rolled onto his side while Toki massaged his belly, trying to help him feel better.
Murderface returned holding up a tattered old book.
“Pfft ams dat de bibles?” Skwisgaar groaned, making a face of displeasure when his stomach gurgled. He cupped a hand over his mouth to keep himself from vomiting.
“Thish is even better! It’sh my medieval remediesh book!”
Pickles face palmed, letting out an exaggerated sigh.
“Oh c’moooon dood, naht dat bullcrap again-“
“Trusht me! There’sh a whole chapter in here about shitting out babiesh!”
“You don’t shit out babies.” Nathan said bluntly.
Skwisgaar huffed, rubbing his belly that wouldn’t stop making noise.
“Eugh…what’s difference does it makes? De inter-netsk de old grandpa’s books…they ams alls de same. Can’t hurts to tries. I wants this fuckings kids out.”
-
Dethklok all stood in the living room, (Skwisgaar sat on the arm of the couch), and listened to Murderface read from his ‘book of knowledge’ as he called it. What Charles didn’t know wouldn’t kill him- besides they were still inside Mordhaus. And Skwisgaar was sitting down. He’d be fine.
“Y’know doctors these daysh don’t know shit!”
“Wells they dids goes to schools for years!” Toki said, arm around Skwisgaar.
“That makesh no difference! I went to highschool and I’m not no doctor! Look. You’ve come to the right place. All our problemsh can be sholved with this.”
“Okej. Eh. What’s do I does? I wants this damn babies out.”
“Glad to be of shervice!”
Nathan and Pickles stood there exchanging glances. Whenever Murderface broke out his Medieval Remedies book, they knew things were serious.
“Okay- sho this chapter saysh you can use leachesh! You put them on your feet and they’ll suck the baby closer to the exit hole and make it born faster or whatever.”
“We’s tried leaches befores and almost dies! Remembers?” Skwisgaar pointed out, and everyone agreed they didn’t want another near death experience.
Murderface looked through the book again, stopping on one page in particular.
“Oh oh! Shex will induce it! It says so!”
At nine months pregnant, sex was the last thing on Skwisgaar’s mind for a change.
“Ams you fucking kiddings me? I can’t evens bends down.”
“It shays it worksh!”
“Eugh. Fines. Toki’s fucks me.” Skwisgaar snapped his fingers at his boyfriend and headed off to the closet.
Toki grinned, taking his hand. “Any times!”
Nathan grunted but followed behind them. “This is gonna be fucking weird.”
Toki lead Skwisgaar into the closet and yanked the door open while Murderface followed with his book.
“Okay! Shco Skwisgaar you get into a submissive position and then Toki, you gotta mount Skwisgaar and-“
“Uh- we gets it! We knows how’s sex works…idiots.” Skwisgaar slammed the door in his face.
There was lots of rustling around and Skwisgaar cursing and complaining, the sound of unzipping jeans and then gasping and moaning.
The three guys crowded around the door. They waited a few seconds until Nathan pounded on the door.
“I don’t hear any baby crying in there!”
“I ams working ons it!” Toki screamed, thrusting into Skwisgaar, who let out a high, breathy moan that everyone tried to pretend they didn’t hear.
“Well work harder!” Nathan yelled from outside the door.
Toki must’ve listened because Skwisgaar moaned even louder, his words coming out in desperate whimpers.
“Oh fucks, Toki…Goes harder- ja likes that! Ah, fucks!”
Pickles glared at Nathan and the singer put his hands up. “What? Kid knows how to follow instructions, not a fucking bad thing.”
Things soon went quiet and the guys could hear the Scandinavians arguing and Skwisgaar complaining again. About fifteen minutes later the door flung open and Toki was zipping his pants up while Skwisgaar laid on the floor looking exhausted and irritated. At least he had the decency to pull his shorts back up unlike Murderface.
“Well?”
“Noes lucks!” Toki sighed, glancing back at Skwisgaar who was lying flat on his back, huffing and puffing in frustration. “Hims ams just too big to enjoys de sex rights now.”
“Too bigs-?! Fucks you!” Skwisgaar yelled, his eyes narrowing, sitting up with a grunt. He reached his hand out to Toki who came back and pulled him to his feet. Skwisgaar’s baby bump was so big he could hardly walk for longer than ten minutes without having to stop for a break so Toki let Skwisgaar lean against him for support until he could sit down again.
“Oh my backs ams fucking killings me…What’s else ams your crappies books says, Murderface?”
“Oh! You want answersh, I got answersh! Thish part saysh that if you eat spicy food the baby ish shure to come out! Like you just shit it out so fast you’ll shay ‘I can’t believe I didn’t do thish shooner!’ “
“Dis fuckings guys…”
Skwisgaar rolled his eyes and yanked Toki with him to the kitchen.
“Someone gives to me dat spicy ketchup stuffs.” Skwisgaar demanded, leaning against the counter.
Pickles handed him the bottle from the fridge. “You mean Sriracha sauce?”
“Eugh! Ja! Skirachas sauce! Just gives to me-“
“Y’know that’s really hot, Skwisgaar- you might be too white fer dat-“
Skwisgaar ignored Pickles’ warning and squirted some into his mouth. His eyes bugged out and he spit it everywhere, mostly all over Pickles’ shoes. “I needs waters!”
“I tried to tell ya. He’s whiter dan I am.” Pickles sighed, handing Skwisgaar a cold water bottle from the fridge.
Skwisgaar chugged the water and groaned. He felt another stomach pain, probably from too much peanut butter and now the spice. “This is alls dildos…What’s next ins your fuckings books?”
“If you want to scare the baby out we can try that!” Murderface suggested, showing off one of the pages with an old sketch that showed a woman in a plague mask and a baby on the floor.
“Nej. I wills just piss myselfs.”
Murderface scratched his chin, flipping through the pages to find the perfect old wives tale.
“Ah ha! You’re all gonna fucking wish you thought of thish one! It says here that if you take a long peaceful walk through the woodsh on the left shide of the trail while carrying 6 stones, 3 in each hand, that it’sh literally impossible not to have the baby fall right out!”
Skwisgaar took another sip from the water bottle.
“So basicallies you ams tellings me to exercise. Ja, rights.”
“It’sh not exercishe! It’sh just walking!” Murderface was already heading outside with Nathan following behind him.
Toki stood in place, afraid of getting in trouble if they broke the rules. Normally he wouldn’t care, but he wanted Skwisgaar and the baby to be safe.
“But Charles saids nots to leaves Mordhaus until hims am back!”
Pickles grabbed Toki by the wrist and pulled him along.
“We’re naht leavin Mordhaus! We’re just eh, walkin away from it. We’re still on da perimeter! It’ll be fine!”
Skwisgaar wasn’t going to let Charles tell him what to do anyway, so he slipped on a pair of flip-flops Toki had bought him and followed the guys outside.
-
Nathan drove them all to the edge of the property in a golf cart, stopping just before he reached the beginning of the woods. It was the middle of the day and the sun was shining too brightly to enjoy it, and Skwisgaar was already feeling nauseous from the heat.
“Alright. Uh. Skwisgaar, get out.” Nathan said flatly.
Skwisgaar scowled at him and got off the golf cart not so gracefully. It was too hot outside, and he was too pregnant to care about being graceful anyway.
“Fucks this…So what’s does I does now?”
Murderface sat in the passenger seat of the cart, flipping through his book. “Scho, you’re gonna need 6 shmooth shtones to carry.”
“How abouts those!” Toki got out from the back of the cart and went to gather some rocks for Skwisgaar.
“Yeah, that’ll work…Now uh, it saysh to sthart walking on the left shide of the pathway-“ Murderface pointed towards the hiking trail straight ahead. “That way!”
Skwisgaar snatched the stupid rocks from Toki and began to waddle off down the trail. He had to stop every few seconds and take a few deep breaths. “Uh, ams you assholes comings with or does I just goes alone?” Skwisgaar asked, ready to give up already with the way his lower back was straining.
“No! Keep walking. We’re coming. Toki, get back in here.” Nathan started the golf cart again after Toki got on.
Skwisgaar glanced over his shoulder and scoffed as the rest of Dethklok followed him in the golf cart at a turtle like speed.
“Oh you gots to bes kidding me…This ams ridiskulous!” Skwisgaar huffed, taking another wobbly step. He was sweating already and began to roll his shirt up again in a makeshift crop top, glad he at least had his shorts on.
“Well you’re the one walking so slowly!” Nathan called back, barely putting his foot on the gas to move the cart as it inched along beside Skwisgaar.
Murderface nodded in agreement from the passenger side. “Yeah, man! Pick up yer feet!”
Pickles and Toki sat in the back, Toki looking extremely anxious.
“He is goin really slow, isn’t he, Nate’n?” Pickles said, taking a sip from Skwisgaar’s water bottle.
“Yeah! C’mon Skwisgaar, let’s fucking go!” Nathan yelled, waving his arm at him to get a move on.
Skwisgaar had hardly covered any ground and was doing his best to ignore the guys.
“I can’t walks any faster!”
Skwisgaar wiped sweat from his brow. His hands were getting sweaty too and he lost his grip on one of the rocks. It fell to the ground and Nathan stopped the golf cart again.
“Agh!! No! What’re you doing?! The shtones can’t touch the ground or you’ll have to shtart over! Hurry up and get it! Five shecond rule!” Murderface shrieked.
“Hurry up, dood!” Pickles tried to encourage him, tossing the empty water bottle off the cart after he finished it.
“I can’t fuckings picks it backs up, idiots! Ams that my waters? Pickle!” Skwisgaar’s eyelid began twitching from stress. Was this how Charles always felt?
Murderface yelled at him again, waving the book around.
“Shtop! You can’t get angry! You gotta be in a peacshful shtate of mind or elsh it won’t work!”
Skwisgaar was far beyond ‘angry’ and could feel his face getting hot from rage. He wanted to kill Murderface.
“I physicallies can nots bends over! Ams you fuckings with me?! I thinks you ams just fuckings with me nows!”
“It’s okays! I gots it-“ Toki tried to get off the golf cart to pick up the stone but Pickles stopped him.
“No, dood! He’s gahtta do it himself!”
Toki looked to Skwisgaar helplessly and sat back down obediently. Skwisgaar was cursing the guys out in Swedish and tried to lower himself to get the fucking rock from the ground, and in doing so accidentally dropped another one.
Murderface was losing his shit. “Hurry, Skwisgaar! There’sh 5-no 4 sheconds left! Oh, fuck! There goesh another rock, dammit!”
Skwisgaar was out of breath from all the movement and at the end of his rope from all the yelling and humidity.
“I gots 4 stones left and there ams 4 dildos ons de fuckings golf carts!”
Skwisgaar began to throw all the rocks as hard as he could at the rest of the band, blinded by fury. This was so fucking stupid.
“Ow! That fucking hurt!” Nathan griped, and glanced behind himself as he put the golf cart in reverse and backed it up slower than a snail.
“Skwisgaar, no! You’re fucking it up, shtop throwing rocksh at us!”
One of the rocks hit the book out of Murderface’s hand and he got off the cart to retrieve it. Nathan stopped backing up and they all stared hesitantly at Skwisgaar who looked visibly ill.
“Oh my gods…this was nots a goods ideas…I gots de stomach cramps-“ Skwisgaar was breathing too heavily for Toki to sit back and do nothing, so he finally jumped off the cart and rushed to help Skwisgaar sit on the ground.
Toki tied Skwisgaar’s hair back in a low ponytail so he could cool down, and Nathan crossed his arms as he watched them.
“So uh…does it feel like the baby is coming out yet?” He asked. Nathan had such poor timing when it came to questions.
Skwisgaar’s face twisted up in anger and he grabbed fist fulls of grass and chucked them in Nathan’s direction.
“Okej! Fucks alls this! I ams dones!”
Toki helped Skwisgaar to stand, picking leaves and grass from his hair. Skwisgaar shot everyone a murderous glare, hand on his lower back to support himself while he took another deep breath.
“Don’t knows why I listened to you stupids dildos anywa-“
A sudden rush of liquid ran down Skwisgaar’s legs, soaking his shorts and his feet. His knees buckled under his weight and he grabbed onto Toki before he fell. Toki caught him, his face stricken with panic.
“Oh noes- His waters ams broken!”
“Oh great, now he jusht pisshed himshelf! You’re supposhed to take a bathroom break BEFORE you hike!” Murderface shook his head, dusting the dirt off his book and sitting back in the golf cart.
Nathan’s face went pale and he parked the cart, shoving Murderface off and rushing to Skwisgaar’s aid, helping Toki support him. “That’s not piss, fuck face- we gotta get him back inside! Now!”
Skwisgaar let out a pitiful cry, clutching his stomach tightly.
“Holy fuck, you guys- let’s go!” Nathan helped Toki carry Skwisgaar to the golf cart while Pickles climbed over the front seat and sped off towards Mordhaus. Murderface was trying to read from his book to figure out what to do while yelling that everyone just ‘shtay calm!’
-
Once inside Mordhaus, Nathan and Toki rushed Skwisgaar to his bedroom where he should’ve been all along.
“Put him on the bed-“ Nathan instructed and Toki did, laying Skwisgaar on the bed frantically. Skwisgaar winced, writhing from the agony he was in. He’d never been one to deal with pain well. Skwisgaar was breathing so quickly and sobbing so hard, Toki was about to start crying too if they didn’t do something. He hated seeing Skwisgaar in pain and would’ve started having a meltdown if Nathan and Pickles weren’t there to help.
“I-I ams goings to passes out! I can’t- I can’t does this! Fucks, Toki!”
“I’s here, Skwisgaar! It’s ams okays!” Toki rubbed Skwisgaar’s back as he laid on his side, trying to massage his belly to ease the pain.
“We can’t let him fucking pass out- help me get him to the bathroom!” Nathan hooked his arms under Skwisgaar’s armpits and Toki grabbed a pillow from the bed and followed Nathan into Skwisgaar’s bathroom.
Nathan lowered Skwisgaar into the bathtub, trying to be as gentle as he possibly could.
“Pickles! Call Charles!”
“Already on it, dood!” Pickles frantically put the phone on speaker and set on the countertop of the sink while he grabbed a few hand towels from the cabinet.
“Offdensen speaking.” Came Charles’ voice from the speaker.
“Charles! We uh- we kinda sorta need you back right now-“
“You left Mordhaus, didn’t you?”
“No! No- well okay, we maybe took Skwisgaar ona walk an now the baby’s uh comin out-“
An agonized scream filled the room and Charles paled when he heard it.
“Oh my god. Get the doctor and the nurses, hurry! I’m on my way.”
The line went dead and Pickles was trying not to go nuts from all the screaming Skwisgaar was doing. None of them had ever heard Skwisgaar scream like this and they were all walking on egg shells.
Back in the bathtub, Nathan ripped Skwisgaar’s shorts off and then yanked his underwear down. Skwisgaar was in too much pain to be horrified and clamped his hand around Toki’s leg while he stepped around him with a pillow. Toki put the pillow behind Skwisgaar’s back, looking to Nathan desperately for instructions on what to do next.
“O-oh gods- oh my gods!” Skwisgaar had tears and snot running down his face as he tried to focus on calming his breathing like the delivery nurse had showed him awhile back. Toki knelt beside Skwisgaar, taking his hand. Another contraction hit and Skwisgaar screamed again, crushing Toki’s hand. Skwisgaar’s vocal cords were shot from all the screaming and his voice was getting horse the more he spoke.
“Gets this fuckings babies out of me, my gods!” He sobbed, gritting his teeth.
Murderface finally entered the room with his Medieval Remedies book in hand.
“Doesh anyone need any hot towelsh?” He asked, chuckling anxiously. Murderface was useless in these types of situations.
Nathan spun around in panicked rage, “Murderface! Don’t just stand there! Go get the fucking doctor!”
Murderface’s eyes went wide as he took in the scene before him. He felt like passing out and needed to get as far away from the blood and screaming as he could.
“Oh, oh! Right! The doctor! Don’t worry, I’ll get the doctor! No one panic!”
Murderface turned and ran from the bathroom, holding back the urge to dry heave. “Oh, shit, shit! Where’sh the doctor located again...? Fuck thish rich people architecture shit! Fucking winding hallwaysh, shit!”
Pickles returned to Nathan’s side, reaching over to put a cold wet washcloth on Skwisgaar’s forehead.
Nathan balled up Skwisgaar’s dirty clothes and tossed them aside, ready to take action.
“Nate’n shouldn’t we y’know…wait fer the doctor?”
“I helped my dad deliver a calf at the slaughterhouse. This can’t be much different; besides it can’t fucking wait.”
Toki stayed in the empty bathtub with Skwisgaar, cringing as some of the bodily fluids got onto his jeans, but he ignored it and held Skwisgaar’s hand even though he was crushing it.
“You’s okay Skwisgaar! I ams here!”
“Okay, Skwisgaar! When you need to push, fucking push, got it?” Nathan said, getting into the bathtub to sit in front of him and hopefully catch the baby.
Pickles tried to help Skwisgaar feel better by rubbing his shoulders but was clueless as to what he should do.
Skwisgaar choked back another sob, shaking his head. His nightmare was finally coming true, and he didn’t think he could handle it. All the shit the nurses had told him couldn’t have prepared him for the level of pain he was in.
“I-I can’ts! It ams hurts too much- o-oh my gods! Gets it out!”
“The faster you push, the faster it’s over with!” Nathan was having to yell over the screams just to get his sentence out.
Skwisgaar grabbed a fistful of Toki’s shirt, letting out a strained cry when he tried to push.
“Good! Keep doing that! Harder!” Nathan yelled, getting a towel ready.
“I ams goes as hards as I fuckings cans! Oh fucks me!”
Nathan spread Skwisgaar’s legs open to check for any signs of the baby’s head crowning but was met with nothing.
“Maybe it’s just false contractions? Uh. Do you feel you gotta fucking push or anything?!”
Skwisgaar was drenched in cold sweat and tears with strands of hair stuck to his face. He hardly had any strength left.
“I don’t fucking knows! Gods!” He sobbed, leaning sideways to rest his head on Toki’s chest.
Toki squeezed his hand, looking into his teary eyes.
“You’s doing so goods- I ams rights here- you wills be okays, I promises!”
Skwisgaar finally stopped screaming, collapsing back and panting heavily to catch his breath. He put a hand on his belly, gasping for air.
“Nows de pains ams slows downs-“ He finally caught his breath, tears dripping down his cheeks, “w-what’s nows? Nathan’s? What’s that means?”
Nathan sat back, wiping sweat from his own forehead.
“Uh…from what I remember about animals and shit is that they have contractions on and off until the baby comes out. Usually takes a few hours though.”
Skwisgaar paled. “F-fors a few hours?!”
Nathan nodded stupidly. “Yeah, or longer. It depends.”
Pickles shot Nathan a glare. “Nate’n, yer makin it worse.”
“Oh fuck. Uh. Sorry. Not like hours and hours- just uh-“
“Just kills me nows!” Skwisgaar sobbed, leaning back against the pillow to reposition his pelvis so his back wasn’t aching as much. His whole body was shaking and he felt feverish. This is not what he’d hoped for when he said he wanted the baby out today.
Toki took the wet washcloth that had fallen from Skwisgaar’s forehead and dabbed at his face to cool him off. Toki tried not to show it but he was just as freaked out as Skwisgaar was.
Skwisgaar took a few deep breaths to calm himself, hoping the worst was finally over, until he was hit with another wave of contractions and started sobbing again.
“För fan, inte igen, snälla, Gud!”
Toki scooted over to sit beside him, holding him and kissing his sweaty cheek. Skwisgaar had the lowest pain tolerance of all of them, and Toki felt awful that he had to go through this.
“I knows it hurts min søte, Du har det så bra…Det er greit baby. You gots this-“
Skwisgaar clutched his belly, burying his face in Toki’s shoulder as he clenched his teeth through another scream.
“Makes it stops! Gods, makes it stop!”
Finally, Murderface showed up with the doctor and Charles following behind them.
“Oh shit-“ Murderface backed out of the bathroom and Charles hurried the guys out of the room.
“Waits! Nej! I wants Toki! I wants Toki insides here, please! Don’t leaves me!”
Toki turned to the doctor and he nodded. Toki rushed back to sit with Skwisgaar in the blood stained tub.
“We have some pain killer we’re going to give you, alright? And we need to hook up this IV-“
Skwisgaar was hardly aware of what anyone was saying or doing to him, and just focused on Toki who was holding him. Toki kisses his forehead, his own eyes were teary and red. He wished he could take away all the pain that Skwisgaar was going through. Although they were both covered in piss and blood and sweat, Toki didn’t give a fuck and kissed Skwisgaar’s forehead while the doctor administered the IV.
As the pain medication set in, Skwisgaar started to feel less like he was on the brink of death, but was still shaking and sobbing. He couldn’t speak anymore and was so exhausted Toki had to hold him upright.
Outside the bathroom door the rest of Dethklok waited with their manager.
Nathan was pacing the floor like the child about to be born was his.
“Nate’n you did great. It’s okay-“ Pickles tried to get him to relax, following him as he paced around Skwisgaar’s bedroom.
“I fucking hope so- did you see all the fucking blood? Is that normal? Fuck…”
“Ya don’t think that bitch did anything to em, do ya?” Pickles asked, and Charles cleared his throat.
“The ah, ‘bitch’ won’t be doing anything to any of you anymore. She’s been ah…taken care of.”
It was only now that the guys noticed Charles was scraped up and muddy, but no one had to say anything to know what he’d done for them.
Pickles put his hands in his pockets, heading back to Charles like a guilty child.
“Man…sorry fer not listenin…We just wanted to help Skwisgaar out, y’know?”
“I understand. I ah. Think you were all very brave. And ah, without the four of you acting as hastily as you did, who knows what could’ve happened.”
Nathan crossed his arms, eyes shooting daggers at their bassist. “That’s the last fucking time I listen to that fat fuck. Murderface could’ve killed Skwisgaar with that fucking book.”
Murderface glanced up, stuffing cotton balls in his ears to drown out Skwisgaar’s screaming that was coming from the bathroom.
“What?! What did you shay?! I helped Skwisgaar?! Well thank you, Nathan! But I’m no hero! Just doing my duty ash band fire chief and band medical advisor!”
Pickles rolled his eyes. “This fuckin clown.”
Nathan laughed flatly. “The fucking cotton in his ears doesn’t make him look any less stupid either.”
“Hey. You guys hear dat?” Pickles asked, glancing towards the bathroom door.
“Hear what?!” Murderface yelled, and Nathan stomped over and ripped the cotton from his ears.
“There’s a baby fuckin cryin!” Pickles gasped, the three of them rushed to the closed door and for once were deathly silent. Charles could hear himself think for a few seconds and Skwisgaar could finally fall asleep.
The door opened slowly and Toki poked his head out, smiling with excitement and tears in his eyes.
“You’s guys! De babies ams here! Ands she ams so cute!”
Dethklok stood frozen in their tracks, dumbfounded.
There was a baby in Mordhaus. A fucking baby. That they had to help take care of.
Murderface frowned, his mouth hanging open and bad breath making Pickles gag.
“She?!”