Chapter Text
When Nunew gets out of the bathroom, he finds Zee, with a new pair of underwear on, fitting
his bed with new sheets.
“Hey,” Zee notices Nunew and smiles.
“Hey.”
“So I was thinking,” Zee says, his tone chipper, “maybe we can go take a hot shower and then
go down to the dining hall to grab dinner together? If we’re lucky, the shower room will be empty and we can get into the same stall.”
Zee lets out a laugh, but Nunew doesn’t.
“Hey what’s wrong? You look…,” Zee says as he struggles with a corner of the mattress.
“I… That wasn’t…umm.. like… we’re… a thing…,” Nunew says, feeling more embarrassed and
scattered than he wants to. “You know that, right?”
“Oh,” Zee says, letting go of the sheet, which springs back from the corner of the mattress into a
wrinkled mess on the bed. “So that was, like, just a hookup?”
“Yeah, and don’t get me wrong, it was a great one. I had a really good time, but yeah, it was just
a... physical thing.”
“I see,” Zee looks at the ground, defeatedly.
Nunew sighs.
He realizes that he does feel bad.
“Can it be more though?” Zee says, looking up, and Nunew finds that the shine in Zee’s eyes is suddenly back.
“What?”
“I like you, Nunew. I like you a lot. Like, a lot,” Zee says, beaming. “And while the sex was
awesome, I’d love it if you would go out with me. Seriously.”
“I-,” Nunew opens his mouth, but he’s not sure what he wants to say.
Silence takes over the space between them.
Before he knows it, Nunew feels tears streaming down his cheeks.
“Hey, hey, hey, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
Through his wet, blurry vision, he sees Zee rushing towards him. Then, he feels Zee’s fingers on his face, wiping the hot tears away, leaving a sticky feeling on his cheeks.
“You don’t even know me,” Nunew says, trying to fight back the tears.
“But I do. I do know you,” Zee says. “And even if I don’t, I want to get to know you. That’s what I want.”
Nunew is sure Zee has the most gentle look in his eyes right now, but he can’t bring himself to see it.
“Something’s wrong with me, Zee,” Nunew looks down at the ground, where drops of his tears
are collecting.
“Nothing’s wrong with you-”
“No,” Nunew shakes his head. “Something’s real fucked up inside me. It’s like I don’t-” Nunew
says, his throat hurting, but he knows he can push the words out if he tries.
“You don't know what?”
“It’s like I don’t fucking feel anything. Like I don’t love anyone anymore,” Nunew wants to
scream the words out. “Like I don’t really give a shit about my family, or my friends, or anyone
or anymore.”
Zee is quiet for a second, but then Nunew feels Zee’s arms around him, his body being pulled
into the warmth of Zee’s embrace, which makes Nunew want to cry even more.
“There’s nothing’s wrong with you,” Zee says, his breath warm against Nunew’s ears.
“Yes there fucking is. What kind of person doesn’t know if they love others? What kind of person has to think about whether they feel for someone or not? And, and, and,” Nunew hears himself ranting, “I want a boyfriend so bad. I fucking want one, alright? I thought maybe if I fell in love with someone, I won’t feel so numb anymore. And now, you tell me you like me, and I fucking hate myself for not being able to say it back.”
“You don’t have to like me. It’s fine if you don’t.”
“But I want to!” Nunew chokes. “I want to go out with you, Zee. You’re so nice and caring and
thoughtful and funny and hot and you’re fucking perfect. But I just don’t know if… I feel about you the way you feel about me.”
“Look at me.” Zee pulls away from Nunew and cups his face again. Nunew blinks away the tears, which seem to be finally drying out, and looks at Zee’s eyes. It’s as if they are shining a ray of warm, pleasant light onto him. “I’m gonna say this as many times as you need me to. There’s nothing wrong with you? OK? I think maybe you’re just… scared.”
“What?”
“I think that,” Zee says, and Nunew can see Zee mulling the words over in his head, “maybe
somewhere along the line, you got so scared of losing the people you love, that you decided not
to love anyone at all. Doesn’t mean you’re broken, though.”
Nunew lets out a frustrated scoff. “You don’t know that.”
“Yeah, you’re right. I got that from a book I read,” Zee says, grinning.
Nunew can’t help but chuckle.
“Nice, I made you laugh,” Zee says with a satisfied smile. “Anyways, my point is, these things
happen. Our minds get weird sometimes. But it’s not gonna stay like that forever, and I’m gonna
prove that to you.”
“How?”
“I’m gonna make you fall in love with me.”
Zee’s words bounce across the room, against the walls, and ring inside Nunew’s mind.
Before Nunew starts to giggle non-stop.
“What? Too cheesy?” Zee asks.
“Yeah,” Nunew nods. The tears have stopped, but he feels like crying again from giggling.
“Well, in any case, just give me a chance. And give yourself a chance, OK?” Zee says, grabbing
Nunew’s hands and holding them tightly.
“Aren’t you scared, though? That we’ll become toxic or something. Because a relationship
where one person really likes the other person but the other one is a fucked up human who isn’t
even sure he has emotions?? sounds like a recipe for disaster.”
“OK, one, I recall you saying you do want to go out with me, and judging from what just happened, I’m sure you do have emotions. Two, trust me, I won’t let us get toxic, and I know you won’t either,” Zee says. “So what do you say?”
Nunew thinks for a moment, and then he says:
“Alright.”
“Alright?”
“Yeah, let’s do it. Sweep me off my feet, Superman.”
“Awesome!” Zee squeezes their hands together, beaming like he’s the embodiment of the word
“sunshine.”
“Ow, ow, ow,” Nunew says, trying to pull his fingers away.
“Oh, oops, sorry,” Zee lets go of Nunew’s hands with an apologetic smile.
“It’s cool,” Nunew smiles back. For the first time in a long time, he feels hopeful.
“You’re not gonna regret this, Nunew. I promise,” Zee says.
“And I’ll try my best not to disappoint you,” Nunew replies.
“You won’t disappoint me,” Zee says, before grabbing a towel off a command hook. “So,
shower?”
END
••••
“Dare to reach out your hand into the darkness, to pull another hand into the light.”
••••