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"That's her." His mind supplied the information without prompting.
The woman made eye contact with him for only a second, but that was all it took to recognize her. She wore heavy make-up and a wig now, but there was no mistaking who he saw. She walked past without looking back, spine straight and pace steady, but Robert Perry knew without a doubt that she had recognized him as well. He couldn't imagine how it was possible for her to be here. Her steps carried her further away, and she almost disappeared amongst the people thronging the streets before Robert could react. He scrambled to follow her. Somehow she sensed his pursuit and hurried ahead, darting into a side-street to avoid him.
"Wait," Robert tried to call after her. The word stuck in his throat.
He ran to catch up, and turned the corner just in time to see her slip inside the back door of a stable. He went in after her. She stood patiently amongst the horses, watching him as he entered. She had waited for him to follow after all.
"I haven't forgotten you," Robert told her.
She didn't reply. Robert stood frozen, unable to find a way to close the distance between them. He wanted to move toward her, but he was afraid to take that step. Somehow, she knew. She always knew everything. Slowly she walked up to him, giving him plenty of time to change his mind and turn away. When she stopped they were so close they could have kissed, but still he did nothing. She lay a hand on his shoulder, caressing gently as she moved over his collar bone to his neck. Abruptly she grabbed him by the throat with a strength unlike a woman. Throwing him to the ground, she straddled his chest and pinned his arms with her knees. Opening her hand bag, she drew out a needle. Robert bucked and tried to roll out from under her, but she was too heavy. Cold metal pricked his neck. Pain blossomed in his flesh as the needle plunged home. As his limbs weakened and his vision faded, the last thing he saw was her smile.
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"You are so smart, James." Robert grinned at his friend.
The two of them were sprawled on a single bed, sides pressed against each other to fit in the narrow space. A textbook lay open before them, and as always, James had been the first to solve the equation.
"Say that again, only this time call me Gillian," James demanded.
Robert looked at him with his eyebrows drawn in confusion. "You are so smart, Gillian?" He offered uncertainly.
James considered those words carefully, and then nodded in satisfaction. "I like that name. I want you to call me that from now on."
"You're going to get everyone to call you by a girl's name?" Robert asked.
"Not everyone, just you. In private." James turned to him when he didn't answer. Something vulnerable flickered behind his eyes. "You will do it, won't you? It would be special to me."
The memory of their innocent school days floated in Robert's mind. He smiled in his drug-induced haze, oblivious to the jarring he was receiving in the present as his body was dragged across the rough stable floor and forced inside a trunk. Another memory rose up, and he fell into it readily.
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Robert and James wandered across the school grounds, dissecting the lecture they had just attended. They were always together now. They were the two smartest students in the school, and no one questioned that they should become inseparable friends.
"Professor Godfrey, good day. It's always a pleasure to bump into you." James said, coming to a stop as the professor crossed their paths.
James lowered his arm as if to adjust his grip on his books. The back of his hand slyly brushed against Robert's thigh before completing its motion.
"Mr. Gillies, Mr. Perry," Godfrey nodded to them both. "I see you're at it again."
"Not at all, sir. We were just discussing what we learned from Professor Bennett. He taught an enlightening class, as usual." James said, his tone just shy of taunting.
"Gillian here is already working on a way to improve upon the theorem Professor Bennett showed us." Robert jumped in.
Professor Godfrey looked back and forth at them quizzically. "Gillian?" He echoed.
Robert glanced at James, who stared back at him wordlessly. He turned back to Professor Godfrey nervously. "Sorry, sir. Slip of the tongue."
James nearly ran from them, and Robert hurried after him.
"I am so sorry, it just came out." Robert told him when he caught up.
James grabbed him by the front of his jacket and shoved him against a wall. Robert braced his back against the stone, getting ready to take a punch. James thrust his whole body up against his, and rather than his fist, it was his mouth that connected with Robert's face. James held the kiss long and insistent before letting himself explore greedily, first tasting Robert's own lips repeatedly, and then wandering down his neck to chase his adam's apple. Robert stood motionless, hands pressed against the wall behind him, unable to process what was happening or react. Just as suddenly James stopped and looked at him searchingly. When Robert did nothing, James let go hastily and stepped back, his face turning red in anger. He spun on his heel and fled. This time Robert didn't follow.
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It didn't take long for Robert to regret letting his friend go off on his own. Their encounter, and sudden separation, had left him confused and off balance. He didn't like not knowing what was going on, and he didn't like not knowing how to find the answers. There was only one person who could explain what had happened, and he had run off to hide. The space at his side that James normally occupied felt uncomfortably empty. If James wouldn't come back to him, he would go find James. His steps led him back to the dormitories, the one place James would be forced to return eventually. He even had a key to his friend's room; sharing each other's space was second nature to him now.
Robert opened the door to James' room and stopped in shock at what he saw. James sat wearing a dress buttoned up to his throat. A shaving mirror and a bottle of lip rouge were clutched in his hands. He startled when Robert burst in, eyes darting from his friend to the open door and hallway beyond. Robert stepped into the room and shut the door behind him. He stood by the doorway, staring at his friend. James swallowed hard and put the items down, helpless to do anything to hide now. He stared back defiantly. Robert walked up to him slowly and sat down beside him, looking him up and down.
This certainly added a new context to their kiss, and all the accidental little touches, and the way James always wanted him close. It also explained why he liked to use a girl's name. Wanting him alone to use that name could only mean one thing.
At length, Robert said "You look beautiful, Gillian." He leaned forward and kissed her on the lips.
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"Wakey, wakey, Robert," A familiar voice sing-songed in his ear.
"My head hurts," Robert mumbled.
"I can help you get rid of that." James smiled, and seemed to expect a laugh.
Robert didn't see what was supposed to be funny. James leaned over him. The wig and dress were gone, and he'd washed the rouge from his face. A fine tooth saw hung loosely in his hand. Robert squirmed against the ropes binding him to the chair.
"I've missed you so much." James cupped his cheek and gently stroked his bottom lip with one thumb. "Poor Robert. Was it hard for you in prison? Didn't you miss me at all?"
Robert nodded desperately, his heart pounding. "I missed you. I would have come to you if I'd known you were out of prison, but I thought you'd been executed."
Rather than becoming placated, James pulled his hand away. "Of course you'd think I'd been executed, you put my neck in the noose with that deal you made. If you had things your way, I would have died for you. Maybe, that's what you wanted. Would it have made you feel special to spend every day knowing your lover gave his life for you?"
"I never wanted you to die, I never wanted anyone to die at all. The whole thing was your idea. I only went along with it to make you happy. You're the one who wanted to see if we could get away with murder." Robert protested.
James' face twisted into something far removed from the boy who had once kissed him. "We would have gotten away with it if you hadn't been such a coward."
Robert trembled at the sight of his anger. Had James always had this in him under the calculated calm he showed the world? "I am so sorry for what happened. They made me believe you'd set me up to take the fall, and by time they admitted it was a trick it was too late to do anything. I felt so horrible when I realized I betrayed you."
James considered that a moment. "I suppose on some level this is my fault. I should have known from the beginning you weren't strong enough to keep from losing your head."
Robert stared at the saw in James' hand. Could he have avoided all this by simply looking away? Had James reacted this way only because he'd followed, because he knew now that James had escaped, or had he always been coming for him?
"Please, you brought me here alive. You could have killed me already, but you didn't. On some level you want me alive with you."
"I admit, I did want to see you again." James said. "We parted so suddenly, we never got a chance to say our goodbyes, and this is goodbye Robert, don't doubt that. Wait for me when you get to hell, won't you?"
"You're free now, we both are. We could run away and start a new life. Remember the plan we made for when we graduated? We were going to create a fake identity for you, so you could finally be the woman you wanted to be. We were going to take your new identity, and go in disguise to a church. We were going to get married, be husband and wife, because we knew we were always meant for each other." Robert pleaded, trying to evoke some specter of the love he once thought James felt for him.
James smiled briefly, but his eyes remained cold. "How could I forget? I thought we were going to spend our lives together, just like we promised. Then you had to go and ruin all of that."
Robert grasped for words that could save his life. "I had never meant to betray you, but I thought you were trying to kill me. I wouldn't have done it otherwise. I love you, Gillian."
James' expression brightened. For a moment Robert hoped it was out of affection, and then with sick feeling he realized it was anticipation. "I love you too, Robert. You were the thing I loved most in this world, but then I lost you. I want you to watch me, and I want to watch you. Both of us are going to know what it looks like for the other to lose the thing we loved most in this world. I wasn't trying to kill you then, but I am going to kill you now. We are going to have so much fun."