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i wish there weren’t a wall

Summary:

nhl trades should be illegal and that is why i’m running for president

Notes:

title shamelessly stolen from that RWRB line about thisbe and pyramus bc i’m a slut for gay romance from any era

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

 

Zeegs: no one talk to me ever again 

 

Cauly: if anyone has any LTR tips and/or tips for dealing with trades

 

Cauly: please send them his way 

 

Leon: Chucky and I are here if you need anything 

 

Chucky: It’s not quite the same thing since we weren’t on the same team 

 

Leon: But we know about being traded to the opposite coast/another country  

 

Stromer: Cat and I can help too 

 

Josty: so can me, JT and Kerfy

 

Stromer: and it may sound weird but Feds could probably be more help than all of us 

 

Stromer: like him and Steve played for the same team 

 

Stromer: then he went to a couple of different teams but 

 

Stromer: he also had to deal with being in Russia without Steve 

 

Sid: Obviously, I can’t be of help from a romantic relationship standpoint. 

 

Sid: But from a friendship point of view, flower getting traded was pretty hard. 

 

Zeegs: thanks guys 

 

Zeegs: i’ll probably take you up on it

 

Bee: and don’t worry trev, i’ll keep an eye on your boy 

 

Bee: send you so many pics you get sick of him  

 

Zeegs: BEE 

 

Zeegs: YOURE THE BEST 

 

Bee: also i talked to gritty and Jamie’s one of his now 

 

Zeegs: no clue what that means but thank your furry orange pal for me 

 

Hughsie: plus me, bee, and cauly are all in the same time zone as him too

 

Hughsie: so you already know the best times to call him 

 

Claude: I’ll tell TK to help him if he needs anything. 

 

Claude: He may be the straightest guy I’ve ever met, but he’s always been cool with me and Danny. 

 

Claude: Except for that one time he implied I was mom and Danny was dad. 

 

Bee: he didn’t imply it g. he straight up said it. 

 

Marns: wait did Claude say TK was an ally? 

 

Claude: Yes. Why? 

 

Marns: cause derms claims he’s an ally too 

 

Derms: i am an ally 

 

Marns: we’ll come back to that 

 

Marns: so like are all people named travis allies? 

 

Stromer: statistically? not even close  

 

Marns: damn that’s disappointing 

 

Bee: also tk isn’t an ally 

 

Bee: he’s not straight 

 

Claude: the fuck he isn’t 

 

Bee: the guy made out with three separate guys at that New Year’s party 

 

Claude: I thought he was just drunk  

 

Bee: he rated them IN DETAIL  

 

Claude: I don’t remember that.

 

Bee: cause you were too busy being a mother hen 

 

Claude: if he isn’t straight, then why isn’t he in here 

 

Bee: idk 

 

Bee: i asked once and he just said “nah” 

 

Claude: i am going to force that little shit in here 

 

Zeegs: i don’t know what id do without you guys 

 

Cauly: you’d have died years ago in the woods outside bumfuck new york bc you thought you saw

 

Josty: oh and trevor? 

 

Josty: EJ can be really helpful too 

 

Sid: His partner is on the same team as him? 

 

Skinny: Yeah but Landy isn’t! 

 

Skinny: EJ is still sensitive about it. 

 

Sid: Nothing about your relationship makes sense to me. 

 

EJ: Why not? 

 

Sid: You are dating Jeff but there is also the weird thing with Girard and now Landy. 

 

Sammy: i’m the eye candy 

 

Skinny: i’m the twink

 

EJ: and the love of my life 

 

Skinny: flatterer 

 

Landy: idk what me and EJ are except that we might be married in Sweden  

 

Sid: That explains nothing. 

 

Cauly: are you kidding? 

 

Cauly: that explains everything 

 

Chucky: weirdly

 

Chucky: it does explain so much 

 

EJ: Glad everyone understands now 

 

EJ: Though Landy and I gotta talk about this foreign marriage thing 

 

Stromer: hey Trevor? 

 

Zeegs: i’ve been summoned

 

Stromer: you and Jamie are gonna be fine 

 

Stromer: ry told me about the conin rookie tour 

 

Hughsie: wait i gotta know what happened 

 

Stromer: apparently conin was showing a rookie around 

 

Stromer: and introducing some of the players that were there 

 

Hughsie: and he introduced trevor? 

 

Stromer: nah he introduced jamie 

 

Stromer: and according to ry apparently conin said 

 

Stromer: ”this is Jamie Drysdale. Jamie loves his personal space.” 

 

Stromer: (apparently jamie wasn’t sitting hella close to the other guys or smth)

 

Hughsie: and? 

 

Stromer: then conin points to trevor and goes 

 

Stromer: “This is Trevor Zegras. Trevor also loves Jame’s personal space.” 

 

Stromer: (Trevor was practically sitting on Jamie’s lap)

 

Bee: holy fuck 

 

Cauly: that is the best thing i’ve ever heard 

 

Hughsie: they’re so in love its disgusting 

 

JD: oh yeah that day 

 

JD: then like two minutes after they left z stole my gatorade 

 

JD: and the top came off when he went to drink from the bottle

 

JD: he got gatorade all over both of us 

 

Zeegs: it was a sign 

 

Bee: a sign for what? 

 

Zeegs: that jamie needs to stop drinking blue gatorade bc it’s nasty 

 

JD: or you could just stop stealing my gatorade 

 

JD: and then you wouldn’t have to criticize it 

 

Zeegs: i like my idea better 

 

Chucky: yeah they’ll be fine 

 

Notes:

no i am NOT okay about this thanks for asking