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It had been about a week and a half now. Freddie knew Brian’s bouts of depression could be incredibly stubborn, not wanting to leave his boyfriend’s mind alone for what could be weeks. This time wasn’t as bad as others, as Brian still went to work most days and could function, but silently fell into bed the second he got home and was unmovable for the rest of the night.
Both Freddie and Brian were lucky it hadn’t been too bad, until the older pushed things a little too far one evening.
Around 5:15, Brian arrived back to their shared flat from work, clearly worn and tired. Freddie, who had been at home all day since the stall was closed for some maintenance work, was pent up with energy, and simply wanted to spend some time with his boyfriend. The front door softly clicked shut and the noise immediately alerted the man lounging on the couch.
“Brian, you’re home!” Freddie jumped up from his seat and hurried towards the door where Brian was slipping his shoes off and hanging up his coat. Clearly, the sudden loud noises startled him, as when Freddie rounded the corner, the younger had a hand held up to the side of his head and a grimace on his face.
“Yes, Freddie, I am…” Brian wiped the foul expression from his features and gave his boyfriend a weak smile before leaving a chaste kiss on the other’s cheekbone and walking past towards the bedroom. Delilah, who was sitting on the arm of the couch, received a quick pet from Brian was well as he passed by.
Despite his heart fluttering at the quick kiss, Freddie quickly began feeling upset at being brushed off. He tried not to let it get to him, as he knew Brian was trying, but he couldn’t help it.
Freddie made his way to the bedroom as well, standing in the doorway to see the younger already laying in bed, his jeans ditched onto the floor and his button up completely undone and hanging loosely over his thin frame. In any other situation, Freddie would’ve thought the other looked absolutely ravishing, but the pained expression on his face put the thought to rest efficiently.
“Fred, I’m really not feeling all that great, I’m sorry… I just need some alone time.” Hazel eyes glanced wearily up into Freddie’s deep brown ones. Brian was visibly tired, but the older was energized and ready to go out on the town.
“But Brian, we haven’t done anything together lately!” The dark haired man frowned. In the back of his mind, he knew he was pushing it, but couldn’t stop himself.
“I know, my love, and I’m sorry, but I just really can’t right now.” Brian looked genuinely apologetic, but Freddie wasn’t looking at him anymore. Staring at the floor, Freddie spoke again, this time with venom.
“You just never can anymore, can you?” Black hair fell in front of his face to hide his expression, but the younger knew Freddie was hiding his sadness behind an anger he didn’t mean. Freddie wasn’t an angry person at all, but Brian knew him well enough to hear his throat getting tight. That didn’t mean it didn’t hurt, though.
“Freddie, you know I’m trying.” Brian turned his face half into the pillow, hopefully trying to hide the tears that were beginning to gather in his waterline. If dealing with his mind wasn’t already enough, Freddie’s insult knocked him down even further.
“Well obviously you aren’t trying hard enough!” The older’s head snapped up, glaring directly at Brian. For a moment, he only stared before opening his mouth once again. “I’m leaving. Not sure when I’ll be back.” With that, Freddie turned on his heel and walked out, and it was only a couple quiet second before the front door opened and slammed shut again.
Brian flinched at the bang of the door before laying there in silence once more. Maybe he really did just need to try harder? Maybe he just wasn’t enough? Maybe Freddie was tired of having a useless boyfriend who could barely get out of bed? Millions of questions raced through Brian’s mind as he stared at the ceiling, tears falling from the corners of his eyes and disappearing into his hair. Maybe Freddie would realize Brian just wasn’t worth the energy.
—
Freddie found himself in a quiet little pub on the outskirts of town, far enough away from the flat, but not so far that he couldn’t walk back later. The music was turned down and the old fashioned feel of the pub made it cozy and welcoming. Both a water and some fruity drink Freddie thinks the bartender gave him as an insult sat in front of him, neither touched. The dark haired man sat with his hands clasped and his forehead resting against them before the sound of someone sitting down sitting in the next chair alerted him.
“I’ll have one of what he’s having, thank you.” A woman’s voice said. Freddie’s eyes turned up to see a blonde woman sitting next to him. Her eyes looked to the side to see the man looking back and she smiled, holding her hand out to shake. “I’m Mary. I haven’t seen you here before?”
Freddie snapped out of it and took her hand, shaking it before pulling away. “I’m Freddie, lovely to meet you dear. You’d be right, this is the first time I’ve been to this pub.” He gave a weak smile before turning his eyes back down to his drinks.
The bartender dropped off Mary’s drink and she took a sip before turning her body towards Freddie. “You aren’t here for a good reason, I take it?”
Of course, it was obvious with the dark expression that had set itself into the man’s features. “Right. I got into it with someone I care about - a good friend, said some things I didn’t mean, and now I’m here.” He let out a pained sigh.
“It’s clearly affecting you, Freddie, so I’m sure whoever it was will forgive you.” Mary laid a manicured hand on his shoulder, her thin eyebrows furrowed.
“I’m not sure I deserve to be forgiven.” Freddie looked to his side to glance out the window. It was already dark out, and the moon and stars were creating a beautiful backdrop to his misery. Those beautiful stars, that reminded him so much of his love it hurt to see them twinkling while he hurt Brian when he was already down.
“Well I’m sure that’s not true…”
“This good friend of mine, he studies the stars.”
Freddie didn’t hear that Mary was starting to talk. His head was still turned away, looking out the window at the night sky.
“Oh yeah? He’s a student then?” The woman is clearly taken aback for a moment at the interruption but finds her ground in the conversation again.
“Working towards his PhD, yes. Astrophysics. Incredibly smart.” Freddie brags, but his mind is far away from the cozy little pub.
“He sounds very intelligent. If he’s so smart, I think he’ll understand that you didn’t mean what you said.” Mary turned back in her seat when she realized Freddie wasn’t really listening and sipped lightly on her drink again.
“Mhmm…” The man flipped through all the thoughts racing around his head before he finally decided he needed to be with Brian at that exact moment. “I appreciate it Mary, but I have some apologizing to do.”
Mary didn’t answer, but only smiled over her glass. Freddie stood from his chair abruptly, leaving some cash on the bar and taking a sip of the bartender’s insult before setting the glass down again. Strawberry wine.
With not a second to spare, Freddie was out the door and headed back towards the flat. He didn’t think until he was opening the door and finding a dark, empty flat, save for Delilah who was sleeping on the coffee table.
“Brian?”
No answer. Looking down, Freddie saw that the horrid white clogs were gone from the shoe rack by the door. Panicking just a bit, Freddie was pretty sure he knew where his boyfriend was, and was really hoping he was correct. He turned back and locked the door behind him before heading towards the stairs, going up to the top as quickly as he could.
The sigh of relief left Freddie’s lungs involuntarily upon seeing the door to the roof of the building was propped open. He stepped up to the door and opened it just slightly, and felt his heart stop racing as much when he saw a mop of curly hair blowing in the wind and a tall lanky frame sitting with his legs crossed up against the wall. His telescope sat in front of him.
“Bri..”
Brian just barely turned his head at the sound, but then turned back to his telescope, looking through the lens. Freddie fully stepped through the door and went to sit next to Brian, not too close but close enough that he could reach out and touch him.
“The sky is clear tonight. You can see the planets. Mercury, Venus, Mars…” Brian never pulled away from the telescope but spoke quietly under his breath, just loud enough for Freddie to hear.
“I’m sorry.”
Brian slowly pulled away at the apology, then finally turned to look at Freddie. His eyes were still rimmed red, but some warmth had returned to them once he finally saw his lover.
“I know.”
The younger took Freddie’s hand that was sitting on the ground and squeezed it gently. With his other hand, he moved the telescope to sit between them so that Freddie could look through if he wanted, but then scooted up closer to lean into the older and rest his head on his shoulder. They would talk and finish apologizing later, but for now, Venus and Mars are alright tonight.