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The house was quiet when Philza entered, closing the door behind him and taking off his shoes to put away. He walked down the hallway, his footsteps being the only sound in what was usually a loud house. He knew that Techno had left to give him and Dream the space they needed to comprehend what happened, as in Techno’s words, ‘grieving is different for everyone and I think you both should have each other for this’.
Philza still doesn’t know when the grief will finally hit him.
He’s been on autopilot ever since what happened, having to be the one who tries to sort out everything while Dream cries himself to sleep every night when he remembers what happened.
He eventually reached the bedroom, door shut. Opening the door slowly so as not to make it creak and wake up who was inside the bedroom, he walked into the room.
The curtains were drawn across the window, leaving the room dark except for the light coming through the open door, a lone figure in the bed, fast asleep and curled up around a pillow like a baby would in the womb.
The similarity broke Philza’s heart, as he knew that just a few weeks ago, he was a dad, ready for when the day came that he would be able to see his child face to face.
A drunk driver ended that. He got the call about the accident and he rushed to the hospital as quickly as he could. Philza was told that Dream was alright, but that the baby didn’t make it. It felt like a punch to the gut for him, their daughter was gone, taken away too soon before they had a chance to meet her.
When Dream found out, he was devastated. He cried, screamed, begged for the nurses to give back his daughter and just sobbed for hours until he passed out from exhaustion. Seeing his husband in such despair broke Philza’s heart.
The heartache only continued to grow after Dream was discharged from the hospital, quiet on the drive back to their house and not speaking a word to Philza that day, or the next day, or the day after that.
He knew that Dream was grieving, as Philza knew the young man always wanted to start a family. How excited Dream was when he found out he was pregnant that he didn’t stop smiling for the rest of the day used to be a happy memory for Philza.
Now the memory was one filled with sadness and what could have been. Philza hadn’t even touched the room where the nursery was still half-prepared, not having the heart to go in and see the crib with the little stars and moon mobile, the boxes filled with baby clothes and toys that Dream had bought over the months, and the walls that were painted a nice pale pink once they discovered the gender of their child.
He sat down on the bed, causing Dream to slowly wake up and look at him. His eyes were dull, and hollow, unlike the vibrant green that Philza was used to seeing over the many years they were together. He was so used to Dream being so energetic and talkative that when he started being quiet it scared Philza at first until Techno mentioned that Dream was reeling from what had happened, and he needed some time to heal.
Dream didn’t say anything, continuing to stare at Philza. “Do you want to eat anything?” Philza asked as the silence was making him feel a bit awkward.
He got no response, something that he was noticing happening a lot these days. Letting out a sigh, he went to get up off the bed to go and start making dinner when he felt his sleeve getting tugged.
Turning to look, he saw Dream holding Philza’s sleeve, fingers clutching the fabric tightly as if it were a lifeline.
“Dream?” He said, wondering what he was doing after being unresponsive for days. Dream just continued to tug on his sleeve until Philza moved closer to see if he needed anything.
“....stay with me, please?” Dream softly whispered that Philza almost didn’t hear what he said. He could see how scared Dream was, fingers shaking as he continued to look up at him, the plea tugging at Philza’s heartstrings.
Not wasting another second, Philza sat on the bed once more, and Dream scrambled over to hug him, sighing as he pressed his face against Philza’s shirt. The trembling he had earlier going away once Philza hugged him back.
The rest of the night was the two men just hugging and cuddling each other in bed, neither one speaking to the other as they were both afraid to ruin the peaceful moment. Later they would talk about going to see a therapist, later they would eventually pack up the nursery, and years later Dream will tackle a sleeping Philza holding a positive pregnancy test for his husband to see.
But now they had each other, and that was all that mattered.