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‘Why do I do this to myself?’ I think as soon as I wake up and realize I have barely slept two hours. At times like this, I would rather die than have to leave my house to go to school to listen to the most boring lessons of my life.
Sadly, I also have an extreme obsession with being on time for anything I must attend to, so I force myself to leave my comfortable bed. I hastily change into my school uniform, brush my teeth, and then head downstairs to prepare myself a large cup of coffee.
“Hello,” I say to my sister who is eating her breakfast.
“Morning Dodo,” she replies while looking at her phone.
As the kettle heats the water, I start preparing my coffee. I take from the shelve my red cup and a spoon. I put a spoonful of coffee in my cup, but I notice something weird, that’s not a spoon, that’s a fork. As I facepalm myself internally, I hear my sister chuckle, she probably saw the mistake I made.
“Doyeon you seriously need to sleep, the dark circles under your eyes are becoming hard to hide, and you keep making these types of mistakes. Like when you threw the leftovers in the washing machine,” she comments. If I had slept more I would have laughed, but I couldn’t help but just frown. I decide to ignore her.
I pour the boiling water into my mug of 5 spoons of coffee (I know, that’s not healthy), and start drinking it as fast as I could. I enjoy coffee but being prepared this way it’s impossible to taste good.
After I revive a little, I take my backpack, shout goodbye to my sister and my sleeping mother, and start walking to school. I live only 10 minutes apart.
With my whole body freezing because it’s winter, I walk down the street.
I recognize some students with the uniform of my school. None of them were familiar faces, I don’t know a lot of people because I have somehow created a reputation of being “unfriendly”. It was a rumor solely based on my serious face, and the fact that I was tall for a woman.
I keep walking, quickly arriving to school. Distracted and still irritated, I enter to my classroom, but instead of walking in, I find myself bumping into someone. Out of my own clumsiness my feet entangle into each other (only god knows how) and I find myself falling backwards with nothing to hold onto.
I fall on my butt, which wasn’t enough to cushion my fall. From the floor I glance at who I bumped into, and the first thought that comes to my mind when I see her face is: ‘So bright’.
Yoo Yeonjung, the brightest girl in school. She always looks so fresh, sleeps at least 10 hours a day, is always smiling and describes the world with sparkles and rainbows. She had the softest and healthiest hair in school despite dyeing it red, her skin glowed and she had good grades. In other words, she is the opposite of me, who wakes up with the need of punching someone, always has a migraine and is fretful the 98% of the time because of the horrible combination of coffee and lack of sleep.
“Oh god I’m sorry are you okay?” Yeonjung apologizes while crouching down to help me.
“Yes, don’t worry,” I reply still feeling my butt in pain, but I decide to just dismiss it. Don’t be a crybaby Doyeon, I tell myself.
“You don’t seem okay thought,” she protests while observing me, and I notice her face full of worry, no wonder people also call her an angel.
“If you think I look like shit it’s not because I’m hurt, it’s because its Friday and I have a horrible sleep schedule,” I answer a little more aggressive of what I intended to. There is a reason why Sejeong calls me little Satan, and it’s because when I don’t sleep I become mean and out right unpleasant to be around.
“I never thought that you looked like that. I’m just paranoid thinking you are like this because of me,” she responds calmly and not surprised at all with my reply.
“It’s okay,” I say taken aback.
I try to stand up, she stands up before I could, takes my hand and helps me get up. “Thanks” I mumble, she smiles making my state of wanting death to any living thing disappear, and I swear the room is glowing. She doesn’t even try, and she makes me feel more like myself.
“Be safe and goodbye,” she says as she leaves.
Recomposing myself, I enter my classroom. Right away I see Yoojung, Sejeong, Nayoung and Dani, looking at me wondering what happened.
“Hello,” I say as I sit in my table that is next to the window.
“You look dead or drugged, could be both,” says Dani teasing me and I already feel like punching a wall. Doyeon breath, it’s just the effect of coffee that’s making you like this.
“I would rather pass away,” I reply.
“Just sleep like a decent person and you won’t be like this, also, what happened? I heard someone say, ‘the demon fell because of the angel,” asks Sejeong and I almost snort at the new nickname they gave me.
“I see my nickname upgraded from antipathetic to demon, but I ran into Yeonjung and embarrassingly fell on my butt, just that.”
“I’m surprised you didn’t yell at her; I would have thought it was because you might have slept more than usual, but I see that’s not the case,” Sejeong points out, and it also makes me wonder why I didn’t react that bad, well I won’t question it that much, I at least saved myself from a whole day of regret. Everyone loves Yeonjung, if anyone does something to her you gain rejection of the whole school; and my status was not favorable.
“Who knows, but it’s true what they say, she’s as bright as the sun,” I say calmly, gaining the stares of my friends.
“Bright as the sun? Not annoying like you classify every human being?” Says Nayoung with sarcasm and making me a little flustered, I shouldn’t have said that.
“Shut up, now I can’t be nice to anyone because of you all.”
“It’s not our fault, to start off, you are the one who is always wishing death upon everyone,” corrects Sejeong. I sigh, because now thinking more clearly, I can’t deny it.
"Well who cares, I barely have classes with her, and this is the first time I have spoken, kind of, with her," I say trying to change the subject.
"If you bump into her again I will start to think the world is trying to tell you something," says Yoojung and I just ignore her.
It is impossible.
The world hates me, and I hate it back.
I was peacefully drinking my third cup of coffee (because today I didn't sleep at all), when I heard someone shout 'be careful!' way too loudly and hurtful for my ears, but also not in the right time for me to react and avoid the ball going to my direction.
I feel like someone punches the left side of my face, feeling the soreness spread to almost to my whole face, and only registering I spilled half of my coffee when I look down my shirt and pants.
Great, just fucking great.
The only positive thing about this situation is that I didn’t fall, and my coffee was already cold, so I didn’t burn myself. However, I start sensing anger and frustration at the person who was so careless to throw me a fucking ball, which feels like a brick just impacted to the side of my face.
I see someone approaching and of course is no other than Yeonjung.
Suddenly all my irritation is gone, and I hate it.
"Oh my god, sorry, seriously at this rate I think you might hate me," Yeonjung says with concern as she approaches me.
"Yeah just a little. God there goes my clothes, my face, and the reason I stay alive, my coffee," I mutter to myself, but naturally Yeonjung hears it.
"I can lend you clothes and buy you a coffee, but for your face you seriously need to go to the infirmary. Let me help you," she says is a kind way but also plainly sounding like an order. She sits next to me, I put my arm around neck, and she puts hers around my waist.
I notice that is a lot of skin contact, more than the one I’m normally used to. I stand up with the help of her and I feel a little dizzy, I guess I needed the help.
"You better buy me a cup of coffee soon or I will fall asleep in the infirmary," I say while we walk through the halls of the school. I feel some students staring at us, but I think it is mostly them staring at Yeonjung.
"Okay, I will try. Also wow you are tall, it's actually hard to walk with you."
"Are you calling me heavy?" I say jokingly.
"No omg, don't think that I-," she babbles taking it seriously.
"It's a joke, relax," I try to calm her down.
"Okay... well here we are," she says as she opens the door of the infirmary. Of course, there is no one here, like all the times, so I sit in one of the beds as Yeonjung searches for what I believe could be ice.
Indeed, she was searching that, I confirm it soon after she comebacks with an ice pack.
"Put the ice on the bruised side. I will get you your coffee," I nod, and she gets out. The ice relieves a little the pain, I really hope it doesn’t swell too much.
Meanwhile I wait alone, to avoid falling asleep I start to process everything that recently occurred.
I was sitting. Then I was getting striked by a ball and I spilled my coffee. I start to feel angry. Yeonjung comes and suddenly all I'm thinking about is her arm around my waist as we walk to the infirmary. This is not normal; she makes me think about things I normally don’t care about and feel things I haven’t felt before.
Oh no, please don't tell me it's what I think it is. Having feelings for someone who I share nothing in common doesn’t sound good. I haven’t even had a more than 5 minutes conversation with her. it will eventually fade away. Right?
"Doyeon!" I hear someone scream and making me snap of my thoughts. I look where the voice comes from and it's no other than Yeonjung, with coffee in one hand and a brownie in the other.
"Oh, you didn't take long.”
"Yeah, luckily recess ended so almost no one is there."
Yeonjung sits by my left side and extends her arm so I can grab the coffee with my left hand.
"Thanks. " I say as I receive the coffee.
"Let me help you."
Yeonjung retires my hand from the ice pack, holding it for me and allowing me to rest a bit. I try to accommodate, suddenly nervous by her closeness and the fact that I couldn’t really look at her, the ice pack blocked my view. She retires the ice for a second and she gasps. That's not a good reaction.
"It isn’t swollen, but let's says it’s as colorful as a Christmas tree," she admits clearly guilty, luckily for her I have a bit of affection towards her, or I wouldn’t be so calm right now.
"Well now I bet I look scarier than before," I complain a little while sipping my drink.
"I don't think you are scary thought, just a little irritable," Yeonjung says, and it surprises me, well no wonder she's able to speak with me, last time a guy ran away of me before I could even get angry at him for waking me up.
"True," I agree. Now she gives me the brownie and I start eating it.
We stay in a comfortable silence for a while, but I as well begin to be aware of how painfully close she's to me, since she's still holding the ice. Therefore, I quickly finish my brownie before my face starts heating up.
"Switch," I say just moving her hand aside of the bag and now holding it.
"I think you are better now, let me find some pain relief cream to put on your face," she says while smiling I just nod as I drink another sip of my coffee. Has coffee always tasted this good?
"Here," she says as she comes back. I put the bag of ice on the bed, and she starts applying the cream on my face.
Her touch caught me by surprise, she's delicate and soft with every movement, but I also feel her fingers as a burning sensation against my freezing face. I'm just grateful that she can only see my left side, because if she saw me from the other side, she would see how much I'm blushing.
"Thanks," I say as she finishes.
"You shouldn't be thanking me, I made you end up like this," she says, and I can't help admire how beautiful she looks.
"But you took good care of me," I tell her to make her feel better.
"If you say so, it seems like I can’t fight you. This is out of topic but, just how much coffee do you drink?" She asks, and I snicker at it, she looks genuinely curious about it.
"I consume at least one every morning with roughly three spoons, and another in the afternoon with two. If I want to study I make one of five spoons," I answer, and she opens her eyes in shock.
"What the hell. How are your organs even working?!" she shrieks a little too loudly, perhaps I'm merely being sensitive.
"No idea, next step is drinking energetic drinks, or mixing coffee with Coca-Cola."
"Please don't."
I laugh, she's truly concerned about me.
"Oh no," Yeonjung says suddenly sounding worried. I stare at her, wondering what happened. "We already missed one hour of class, we should get going," she says, and it surprises me how quick the time passes.
"Wait let me do something," she picks one of the permits of the nurse and writes on it what happened, her handwriting looking exactly like the nurse's. She looks so confident that I bet this isn’t the first time she has done this.
"Didn't expect you to be like that," I say sounding surprised.
"I'm all smiles but I'm not stupid," she confesses as we abandon the infirmary. "Ah, I almost forget, let me lend you my gym clothes," she says, and I nod. I completely forgot the fact that my shirt and skirt are covered with coffee.
We walk to the lockers were Yeonjung had a change of clothes. Once we arrive, she tells me she has English right now and she can't miss it so she must go.
“Ah, wait a second,” she says.
Yeonjung gets close to right side, stands on her tiptoes and gives me a kiss on my right cheek. “Hope this helps you get better.”
Maybe the world isn't as bad as I thought.
The day rest of the day people stared at me. Most of the glances I got were with fear because I had to removes the makeup that covered my dark circles, and my face looked horrible. I was smiling thought, but all the things mentioned before only made me look scary.
People even started to spread rumors that I had a fight or something stupid like that, but before the rumor became too big Yeonjung acknowledged that she accidentally hit me with a ball, I must thank her for explaining, they wouldn't have believed me at all.
During recess I told the story to Nayoung, Sejeong, Yoojung and Dani, and they teased me again. They were surprised that I didn't resent her or even got angry at her, considering that day I didn't sleep at all.
Sejeong got suspicious and said I probably have a thing for Yeonjung, Dani immediately joined the teasing meanwhile Nayoung and Yoojung also agreed. They were starting to get too loud, and believing they would drop it, I admitted I have soft spot for her.
But oh god I was wrong. The pestering got worse, and attaining a new level annoyance, I abandoned them and went outside to eat my lunch.
Right now, I'm done with them, they are so childish sometimes. Just let me live with my impossible crush.
Sitting on the grass with the sun hitting my face, I see Yeonjung from afar talking with her friends, and I feel my heart racing worse than when I drink two cups of coffee in a row. She is smiling while telling a story or something, making gestures to put emphasis on it.
Just staring at her makes me feel a little alive.
A week has passed, and I still don't give Yeonjung back her clothes. It's a good excuse to talk to her, but I just can’t find the courage or right moment to deliver them back, like, do I speak to her in front of everyone, isn’t it going to be awkward? Where is my blunt side when I need it?
The major problem I have now is that my little crush is growing way too fast. The first thing I do when I get to school is search for her, and of course if she looks back I avoid the eye contact. Thanks to her I discovered I blush easily. Also, no matter what, Yeonjung keeps appearing in my thoughts, even if I’m thinking things completely unassociated with her.
Today the teacher didn't come so I decide to take a nap. Putting my earphones on, I lay on the table, close my eyes, and go to dreamland. Just when I was about to fall asleep, I feel someone poke my head, who the fuck dares to do that.
I look up and I immediately feel as if I slept 12 hours, it is Yeonjung.
"Hello," she says grinning and I smile back, almost unconsciously. Thanks god my friends aren't here.
"Hi," I reply.
"By any chance do you have my gym clothes?" she questions, and I feel bad for not being capable of handing them back sooner.
"Yes of course, sorry, I just didn't know how to approach," I try to explain.
"It's okay. But seriously, you are really kind, so I don’t understand why people call you a demon?" She asks as we walk to my locker where I have her clothes.
"Because I'm always in a bad mood, get irritated easily and more than once cursed at someone," I reply with honesty. It isn’t secret, I did most of those things in front of everyone.
"But you are nice with me."
"Feel fortunate, you are one of the few", I say, and we get to my locker. I also think I'm speaking too much; I tell her my thoughts so easily. I need to be careful because I can’t let her find out my crush on her.
"I'm flattered," she says with a beam of satisfaction, and is it my idea or she reddened a little?
"Here you go," I tell her giving her back her clothes.
"Thanks, and Doyeon, if you ever feel like speaking to me just do it. You think I haven't surprised you staring at me?" She tells me looking quite serious even though she has a teasing smile. Feeling my face heat up I mumble an 'okay' and she leaves.
I want to die, oh god why do I keep sleeping one hour a day? Oh right because I feel like I'm wasting my life as I asleep. But I'm also hating my life because of it, so I don't know anymore, this is a cycle with no end. Perhaps the real reason of why I scarcely sleep is because I get distracted too easily and suddenly it's 4 am.
Now, I have a headache that's killing me, anyone can notice I have a very bad temper today, so I just inform the teacher I don't feel good enough to do any sports. He agrees and tells me to rest.
I sit down, and I notice someone next to me, I immediately recognize it is Yeonjung.
"I see someone barely slept," she speaks.
"Is it that obvious?"
"Your dark circles are darker than the night."
"I'm not surprised at all, and why aren't you doing sport?"
"Just period cramps, they kill me."
"I fortunately have never gotten them."
"You must be blessed, but I guess in exchange you get a horrible sleeping schedule," I just nod while chuckling.
I watch the others play. Sejeong is beating everyone’s asses in basketball and Heehyun from the opposite team seems mad about it. The game is really eye catching because everyone is taking seriously the game, but it is not enough to really keep me awake. My eyes start closing on her own, and as much as I try to keep them open, I inevitably fall asleep.
I jolt awake by someone shaking my shoulders. I look around in case anyone caught me, I notice I’m still in the gym, everyone still busy playing, and then I see Yeonjung laughing in front of me.
"Someone must be extremely worn out," she says.
"Don't laugh."
"Okay, okay, just lean your head on my lap, I would offer you my shoulder but I'm too short for you," she says, and I just stare at her.
"Is it okay for me to do that? Won't people say the demon forced the angel to do this?" I say mocking the words of some students.
"Cute that you called me an angel, but please take at least a little nap, you need it." I only nod and follow her instructions. I must add that this is a good opportunity, and I won't lose it.
I settle with my right side of my face on her lap (my left side is still with bruises), and with my face facing the students who are playing. Not minding at all the people shouting because of the game, I close my eyes and immediately go to sleep.
First time I fall asleep so fast and comfortably.
'She looks fragile while sleeping'
'You sure you are okay? Isn't she heavy?'
'Shut up, you might wake her up’
I hear voices speak as my sleep gets interrupted. I open my eyes and see the legs of some people. I stand up lifting my head from Yeonjung’s lap, and confused I stare at the people in front of me. If I’m not mistaken their names are Chungha, Mina and Jieqiong.
“For how long did I sleep?” I ask to no one in specific.
“The two hours of sport class. Right now is recess,” answers Chungha and I nod, what a nice nap.
“Thanks Yeonjung, and sorry if I forced you to stay here the whole time,” I say as I stand up to leave, the atmosphere was a little awkward and the drowsiness I had is starting to disappear.
But the heat of my cheeks didn’t want to go away.
Now Yeonjung and I say hi to each other every morning and speak to each other freely.
Almost by nature, people without a life also started to mention us, some said I put a spell on her, others said that Yeonjung is just feeling sorry for me, and stuff like that. Fortunately, those comments don’t affect me at all because I know she began speaking to me out of pure fate, and that she never once thought about me as scary, just temperamental.
As additional information, I must say my feelings for her are stronger than before, and even if she doesn’t like me, I don’t regret at all what I feel. Because since I met her my life has improved, I’m no longer hating life, and if I feel sorrowful, she’s always there for me, it’s not like my friends where never for me, but just being around Yeonjung makes my day better. Yes, I know, I’m painfully in love with her.
Right now, I’m in my house with Dani and Yoojung, Sejeong and Nayoung aren’t here because they had other plans prepared before we decided to come to my house. We are watching TV, when someone speaks up:
“Doyeon, why don’t you just confess to Yeonjung?” says Dani out of nowhere and I nearly spit my drink. Before I could even object Yoojung interrupts me.
“Don’t even try to deny it, it’s so obvious that I think that even Yeonjung knows.”
“What?!” that’s all I could say, they hardly said anything but it’s too much for me to process, this is not what I expected with an afternoon of watching tv with my friends.
“People might say bad things about the sudden closeness you have with Yeonjung, but they aren’t blind. They can tell how you aren’t as angry as before, you for once seem friendly even though you are still sleeping like shit, and even Yeonjung looks happier, if that’s possible.” Explains Yoojung as I have a mental breakdown, is it really possible, can Yeonjung really like me?
“But how do I even confess?”
“I don’t know, that’s your job, but seriously do it. Because Yeonjung is popular, and you are really lucky that she likes you,” says Yoojung as I nod.
Confess? How in the world I do it? I never even considered doing it because I never thought that I had a chance, but now, Yoojung basically screamed to my face I have it.
It took me another month to gather the courage to confess. I have never done this before, some boys have confessed to me before in the past (when I slept like a decent person and looked livelier), but I declined to all of them, and I have never cherished someone as much as Yeonjung.
Therefore, I opt to go to the park after school. At this hour nearly no kids are around, so no one should interrupt us.
“How much did you sleep today?” asks Yeonjung as we stroll outside of the front of our school, to the park that nearby.
“I slept 4 hours, which is not that bad,” I tell her. Today I didn’t wake up weary because I’m so jittery about confessing, to the extreme that my tiredness disappeared.
“How do you even remain awake during classes? Like, I sleep almost 10 hours daily and sometimes I feel like sleeping through most of them”.
“My secret is drinking coffee, drinking so much of it that its unhealthy.”
“I bet 50% of your blood is just coffee, but please don’t abuse of it, I don’t want to see you in a hospital.”
“I will try, don’t worry,” I answer smiling, I usually loathe when people rebuke me, but when Yeonjung tells me that, I feel like complying with everything she says.
Before long, we get to the park, and being almost spring you could see the flowers starting to bloom and the trees with a few leaves. The weather was nice, a little windy, but just warm enough to not freeze to death. Everything is perfect, I only need some bravery now.
“So, I want to tell you something,” I initiate, and Yeonjung is looking directly at my eyes, making my legs feel unsteady. Yoo Yeonjung you possess so much power over me. I take a deep breath and carry on: “We have known each other for almost three months now, and we became close in a brief period, which is something weird for me since I’m normally in the worst mood possible, and I just want to let you know that-,” I take a deep breath and continue. “I like you, deeper than friends, and I want to know if you feel the same.”
Silence is all I receive, my heart begins to hurt, and I think of apologizing, but she finally replies my confession.
I don’t receive a verbal answer. Instead I feel a soft pair of lips kissing me. Our lips melt with each other, my heart is exploding with a big mix of other sensations that I can’t even describe, but all I can say is that it feels right. With Yeonjung’s arms holding my face and mine around her waist, the slow and soft kisses feel intoxicating and addictive. I feel like I can’t breathe, but feeling Yeonjung so close to me is the best thing I have ever experienced, and I swear I wouldn’t mind dying like this. She breaks the kiss, and I can’t help but whine at the lose of contact.
“So eager,” she says with a playful smirk. “I hope you understand that the kiss means that I like you too,” she says a little out of breath and I hug her out of happiness, her body is so small compared to mine. Now that I think about it, it’s not strange from me to start physical contact, right?
“And are we dating?” I ask when I separate from her.
“Of course, also I must say that your lips taste like coffee”.
“I’m not surprised about that, if they tasted like anything else, that would shock me”.
“I think I have never told you this but, I hate coffee,” Yeonjung reveals.
I audibly gasp. “Is this going to be our first fight as a couple?” I ask more seriously than I wanted it to sound.
“Don’t be silly. I like you more than I hate coffee, but I can’t say the same about you. I’m not sure I can compete with your love for coffee.”
“I- I’m not that obsessed. And I do love you more than coffee.”
“Ah, I got you to say you love me,” Yeonjung says slily. Now I furiously blush, and Yeonjung clearly notices because she giggles at my reaction. “You are so lovely. Now I can’t wait to tell everyone we are dating, people might think you obligated me, or they will create another crazy theory.”
“Like the one that your family forced you to marry me because that way they can pay their debt?”.
“Yeah, that’s good fanfic material thought.”
“Too overused, I must say.”
“As if our story isn’t already overused.”
“Shut up, we ended with a happy ending so don’t complain.”
As we hold hands we walk under the blossoming trees, talking about stupid things and remembering our first meeting, it feels like a long time, but it was only a few months ago.
Smiling to each other, all I can hope is that we stay like this for a long time.