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Charlie was just chilling in the kitchen with a book and a cup of tea and some freshly cut melon having a good time, when suddenly the doorbell rang. Who could it be? Annoyedly, he put down the book and went to open the door.
Oh no. It was Ben.
"What the fuck are you doing here," Charlie grumbled.
"I came here to wish you a merry Christmas," Ben smiled.
"And what presents do you have for me this year? Trust issues? Major trauma? Depression? Gaslighting? Anxiety? Oh, wait, that's what you gave me last year."
Ben chuckled: "Oh, Charlie, why would I ever give you such presents? Whatever happened, it's in the past. Surely you're not still sulking over things that happened a year ago? Who knows, maybe you're even remembering things wrong. Honestly, you have nothing to be afraid of."
That was too much for Charlie. Instinctively, he drew the knife he'd used to cut the melon, and stabbed in into Ben's chest.
Well, shit. Murder hadn't been on today's to-do-list. Change of plans.
First, he dragged Ben's dead body inside and locked the door. Hopefully, no one had seen what had just happened. Oh fuck, blood was about to spill onto the floor! Charlie hurried to grab some paper tissues to stop the bleeding.
Okay, he needed a plan, he couldn't handle this himself. Oliver was at the dentist, and both their parents were with him. Tori! Tori was in her room, so Charlie went upstairs and knocked on her door.
"Will you help me hide a body?" he asked.
"Can't," she replied. "I'm summoning a demon."
Charlie pouted: "Okay, bye."
Well. Tori clearly had more important things to do. Maybe he should try to call his mum and see if she had any advice.
She picked up immediately:
"Charlie, is everything okay at home?"
"Mama, just killed a man," Charlie replied.
"That's nice, but Oliver's about to have dental surgery, so unless it was someone important or you need me to defend you in court, I'm afraid you'll have to wait. Can you call me back later?"
"Yeah, sure," Charlie shrugged. "It was just my ex, and he was a dick, so."
"Please don't swear, Charlie. I'm glad you're taking your stand and putting down the people who are bad for you, but I still want you to keep your manners, okay?"
"Okay." Charlie hung up and tried to think of who to call. Tao was doing some voluntary Christmas play at the local theatre. Isaac was at his grandparents' house. Nick was watching some animated movie at the cinema with his little cousins.
Oh! He should call Imogen! She would be delighted to hear the news. Maybe she'd know what to do. Yeah, he called Imogen.
"Hi, Charlie!" she greeted him brightly. "You having a good Christmas so far?"
"Yeah, I guess," he said. "You?"
"Oh, it's amazing!" she gushed. "I'm currently having a Christmas dinner with the other girls, actually, we're having so much fun! Anyway, why are you calling me?"
"I kind of killed our ex." He heard a gasp from the phone. "Can you come over please?"
"Yeah, of course!" she said. "Can I bring the others?"
"Sure, the more the merrier." Imogen chuckled:
"Since when were funerals supposed to be "merry"?"
"When the dead person was a di... dumbface," he corrected himself, remembering that he wasn't supposed to swear.
"Amen to that," Imogen said. "We'll bring booze."
It didn't take long for the guests to arrive, with booze as promised.
"Wow, you're really dressed for the occasion!" Charlie greeted them. The five girls were all wearing different levels of sparkly dresses and colorful sweaters. Very appropriate for a Christmas dinner, usually not so appropriate for a funeral, but Ben Hope's funeral would definitely be a festive event.
"I made a tombstone," Elle said proudly and showed of a stone that she'd painted with little leaves and flowers. In a calligraphy looking font, she'd written: Here lies Ben Hope, he won't be missed. Bye bitch.
"Beautiful," Charlie grinned.
They all carried the drinks, the melon, the stone, the corpse, and some other things that the girls had brought, outside, and found a good place to bury him. Under what was usually a pear tree, but because of the season it didn't bear too much fruit at the moment. Charlie and Imogen grabbed a spade each and dug a hole, while Tara, Darcy, and Sahar took some instruments out of their bags and started playing something that vaguely sounded like Ding Dong, The Witch Is Dead from The Wizard Of Oz, and Elle finished off the grave with her homemade tombstone.
"And we buried him under a pear tree," Sahar finished as she strummed the last tones on her guitar.
Tara abruptly took her clarinet out of her mouth: "That's not the song we were playing!"
"Who cares, let's get drunk," Darcy shrugged and threw her trumpet into a pile of snow. And drunk they got.