Chapter Text
Swallowing his own terror, Kakashi pulled off the wig to reveal his silver hair. Sakura backed up against the trunk of a tree, quickly slumping against it.
“Sakura. We need to talk.” He peeled the purple strips from his face. “ I need to talk.”
Sakura trembled, desperately gripping the bark of the tree. “What – what?”
Her eyes filled with horrified tears. Despite the fear rushing through her veins, Sakura stared at him dead on.
“Sakura,” Kakashi begged. “I'm sorry. Let me –”
Sakura stumbled backwards, away from him, and he could see the light fading from her eyes. Another fainting spell. Kakashi rushed to her side, but Sakura swung her arm so hard the shockwave of her chakra almost knocked him back. Choking out a sob, Sakura stepped back and gripped the fabric of her shirt on her chest, fighting for consciousness.
“Please,” Kakashi tried again, planting his feet firmly to the ground with chakra as he approached again. “You're going to faint. I'm not going to hurt you – “ Having to say those words to her twisted a knife in his gut. “I’m just going to help you down so you don't hit your head.”
Carefully, he walked closer. Sakura's breathing was erratic now, but the raging aura of her chakra slowly died down. When he placed his hands on her shoulders, she flinched. Instinctively, Kakashi shushed as he eased her down.
Please trust me. I would never hurt you, Sakura.
Kneeling by her side, Kakashi watched as she tamed her breathing. With every controlled inhale, color returned to her cheeks.
“It's okay,” Kakashi reassured. “Everything is okay.”
Sakura turned venomous eyes on him. “No it's not – how can you say that?!”
“Sakura,” Kakashi breathed, fisting his hands into his pants. “I'll explain. Let me explain. Just get your bearings back first.”
With a nod, Sakura closed her eyes. She pressed her palms on her chest and they lit up with her healing jutsu. At least, she wouldn't flee. Even under the circumstances, she knew better than to set off alone in the wild. Taking one more deep breath, she pushed herself up to sit against a tree.
Still worried, Kakashi searched her eyes. “How are you feeling?”
Tears quickly sprung up in them once more, but Sakura blinked them away and shoved her palms into her face, gritting her teeth. “Stop it. Stop talking to me like you care .”
“Sakura,” Kakashi cut in. He kneeled closer to her. “I do. I never wanted to hurt you, I – “
“Then why?!” she cried, lifting her head to look into his eyes, seeking her answer in them. “Why? All this time?”
In his chest, Kakashi's heart viciously tightened, threatening to crumble.
“It was always you? Was it really you all long?”
Kakashi nodded and Sakura's sobs renewed harder.
“That's so fucked up,” Sakura cried brokenly, staring down into her hands absently. “For so long…”
“I'm sorry,” Kakashi breathed, his gaze falling down to the grass between them.
It wasn't supposed to be like this. He should never have done this – but it shouldn't have come to this. If only he'd had more time to plan; he could have come up with a way for this to end right . For Sakura to welcome it, understand just how far he was willing to go for her and that it was good . What she wanted.
Sakura hugged her knees to her chest, swallowing her sobs. “Just to fuck me? You used me, you – “
“No,” Kakashi barked. Sakura recoiled and he forcibly softened his voice. “No.” He locked eyes with her, begging her to understand, to see what he felt. “Sakura,” he started, struggling to speak through the anxious sludge that clogged his throat. “Sakura… I didn't do any of this to sleep with you.”
“Then why?”
Why?
It felt so far away now.
“Because I fell in love with you,” he said. Her eyes went wider somehow, her jaw slack. “We reunited as team 7 and you hated me and I couldn't understand why.”
Sakura listened, petrified as a stone.
“I – I wanted to fix it. Except I didn't know how to talk to you.” He really hadn't, he realized now. He didn't know how to really talk to her. “It was easier to be someone else. Someone who's not me. I just wanted to find out why, so I could fix it. And that time –” he smiled at the memory, how open and vibrant she had been to him then – “You told me about your battle with Sasori. All I ever want is to help you. I fuck up at every step – I'm sorry. I never wanted this.”
Sakura let out a sardonic chuckle. “So you fucked me under false pretenses to help me?”
Kakashi shook his head. “Of course not. You just… you were yourself with me – Sukea – and I knew the right things to say. I knew how to make you feel better, I got to know you. Like I never could.”
Staring at her knees, Sakura wiped at her still weeping eyes.
There was a semblance of recognition in them. He kneeled a little closer. She could understand. She'd been there with him. She'd felt everything he was telling her – that had all been real.
“I fell in love with you,” Kakashi repeated slowly. “And you loved me too. That was – it's something I've never felt. You were all I could think of. All I wanted. I wanted to make you happy somehow. You were hurting so much over Sasuke…”
Sakura looked at him – truly looked at him. Afraid still, but recognizing the man she'd loved and shared so much with.
Yes. Just like that.
Kakashi reached for her hand, stopping just short to gauge her reaction, and took it on his softly. She would recognize his touch. How it had always made her feel better.
“I love you, Sakura. So much that I didn't know how to handle it – and I fucked up. I'm trash. But I meant every single thing I ever told you – meant everything I did. None of it was fake. You got to know me, too. In ways I've never been able to show anyone else.”
There was the Sakura he knew – looking up at him with those eyes of hers that saw the pain deep in his heart, that burned to heal, to mend. That loved so much.
“I'm sorry for everything,” Kakashi whispered. “I wish I could take it all back and do it properly somehow. You deserved the fairytale love you always wanted. I'm sorry.” He pulled her hand to his lips, speaking against her fingers, “Please. Please understand.”
Sakura's hand was limp in his. Her eyes, though still on him, seemed so far away. Holding her hand tighter, he leaned closer and cupped her cheek with his free hand, so close their noses almost touched.
“Nothing's changed, not really.”
Gingerly, he closed the gap between them and kissed her. Desperately pouring all he meant into it, willing her to just feel his touch as Sukea again. Except as Kakashi this time. That this was right.
Kissing her – a real kiss for the first time – lit every fiber of his being. She felt so good , better than ever before somehow. Real. This was real . He tangled his other hand in her hair and kissed her deeper. So terribly good. His Sakura.
Kakashi grunted as the air was forcibly expelled from his chest and he was thrown back on his ass. Struggling to catch up to reality, he blinked at Sakura.
“Get off me!” Sakura cried. She had shoved him away. “Don't – don't touch me. Don't touch me.”
Kakashi crawled to his knees. No, no, no. “Sakura – “
Her tears poured down her face now alive with anger. “You're sick ,” she wailed. “You – you raped me, and you think that's love?! ” Sakura struggled to her feet, nails sinking in the bark of the tree. “What is wrong with you?!”
Looked at him like he was a monster.
You're sick.
You're a sick fuck.
You're a piece of shit.
What's wrong with you?
Kakashi stared up at her, unable to breathe.
Sakura cried harder, running her forearms over her eyes. “This can't be real. This can't really be you, Kakashi-sensei.”
It was him.
Couldn't she see that?
It… was him.
That's what you are.
That's the real you.
Friend killer.
Kakashi's arms dropped to his sides.
That was him. That was who he was. He had done this. Done this to her.
This can't be happening. This can't be me.
Sakura's crying still registered distantly.
He'd done this to her.
He'd done this to her.
Kakashi dropped down on the ground. He looked up at Sakura – the distressed girl before him crying so hard because a part of her world had been shattered. Shattered and unable to ever be the same again. Tainted.
“I'm sorry,” Kakashi repeated, barely a whisper. “I'm sorry, Sakura.”
Sakura only continued crying, shrinking away from him.
Out here, far from home, trapped with him.
Where he had taken her.
Closing his eyes, Kakashi bit his thumb and pressed his palm to the ground.
Sakura gasped as smoke puffed around them.
Pakkun was silent for an instant. “Boss…?”
“Take Sakura back home,” Kakashi rasped. “Take her home and keep her safe.”
“Boss, what's – “
“No questions. That's an order. Do as I said.”
The whole pack of dogs remained still, stiff, sniffing the air nervously. Bull broke from the group to nuzzle Sakura's arm. She buried her face in his fur, sobbing into it. Carefully, Bull urged her onto his back, and she sank into him, gripping his fur.
With a last worried glance his way, the dogs took off together.
Kakashi didn't move from the ground.
It's over .
Everything is over.
Staring at the grass under him, Kakashi swallowed his bile.
There was nothing left. Everything was gone, destroyed.
You're a sick fuck.