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Capsicum

Summary:

The Captain cooks up a nice meal for Neo! What could go wrong?

Dead Dove, parody fic of n33's Capneo 3 series.

Notes:

This is genuinely the first "fic" I ever wrote as a litmus test for if I should try to make actual fics, it is very knowingly goofy by design, and since I haven't posted in forever, may as well put SOMETHING up to hold y'all over ;-; thank u for ur patience everyone

Not that this is placed fairly early into the Capneo 3 storyline, before they're ever calling each other by name. Please do not enjoy

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Neo awoke from her nap to a finger firmly poking her in the head. She didn’t need to rub the sleep out of her blurry eyes to see that the finger belonged to the Captain.

“Kid, get up and come out to the kitchen. I have a surprise for you,” they said.

A feeling of dread burrowed a little pit in her stomach when the Captain said “surprise”. Not once have any of their “surprises” been anything less than traumatising to the unwitting teenager. But she also knew that the consequences of not playing along could be even worse, so she pushed herself up off the pillow, rubbed her eyes, slipped some shorts on, and trepidatiously trekked towards the dining room. She could see the Captain in the kitchen, leaning on the half-wall that separated the two spaces, holding something behind their back in one hand.

Neo prepared for the worst. “Yes, Captain?” she choked out with as much confidence as she could muster.

“Well, kid,” the Captain began as they brought their hand up from behind their back. In their hand was a little crimson-red plastic package, covered in writing that Neo couldn’t read. But it didn’t look like Inklish letters or words…

“…I got these new noodles at the store yesterday, and I wanted you to be the first to try ‘em.” Captain handed the packet to Neo as they finished speaking, and she examined it closely.

It was sealed airtight. Untampered with. Looked like it was supposed to be spicy, if the peppers and fire on the packaging were any indication.

I’m about to be drugged again, aren’t I, Neo thought. But it’s going to hurt more if I don’t play along…

“S-sure, I would like that,” she said - playing along as best she could despite knowing what was surely about to happen.

The Captain leaned in, cupping Neo’s cheek with their free hand and bringing her face close to their own, their pinky lifting her chin. “I knew you would, kiddo,” they spoke mere centimeters from her face. Neo wrinkled her nose at the smell of Captain’s cigarette breath assaulting her senses.

The Captain let her go, turned around, filled a pot with water, set it on the stovetop, and waited as it slowly came to a boil, the heating coils slowly turning a reddish orange. Neo watched them like a hawk, while trying not to appear too suspicious. Oddly, the Captain didn’t seem to mind the focused attention from their audience of one.

She gazed intently at their hands as they dropped a block of instant noodles into the pot. They’re going to slip something in that pot at some point, she thought with certainty.

Five minutes passed. The Captain grabbed a fork, took the pot off the burner, and began dumping the excess water into the sink with the fork pressed to the edge of the pot as a very makeshift strainer.

They set the pot on a different burner, took two packets out of the noodles’ packaging, poured the viscous dark red sauce from one packet into the pot, moved it back to the hot burner, and stirred the now-sizzling noodles around for a bit. Then they took it off the stove, dumped the noodles into a bowl, and sprinkled the contents of the second packet on top - which just looked like sesame seeds and nori.

Neo had seen the whole process. All that ever went into these noodles came from the original packaging. And that packaging wasn’t open when she saw it.

What’s going on here…?

Her musing was interrupted by the Captain sliding the bowl in front of her.

“They’re hot, so maybe blow on ‘em before you shove ‘em in your mouth. Enjoy,” they said.

Neo, her face now above the bowl, finally got to smell the finished product. Her mind was immediately assaulted by an incredible spicy aroma. For reasons she was unsure of, Neo felt almost predisposed to loving spicy foods, so she didn’t hesitate to dive right in, shoveling a forkful of the sticky noodles into her mouth.

Behind her, the Captain smirked.

The taste was somehow sweet but savory, and the heat quickly hit her sinuses. These were delicious! It didn’t hold a candle to Eight’s home cooking, but… it was pretty damn good! It’s as if they got better with every bite. Hungry as ever, Neo ravenously devoured bite after bite. The spiciness seemed manageable.

At first.

But it got worse and worse and didn’t seem to stop.

Neo was sweating, feeling the heat, but it wasn’t anything too crazy, so she soldiered on.

Two bites later, she was sniffling and a tear was rolling down her cheek. Okay, this WAS too crazy. She watched them so carefully while they were cooking them! They didn’t slip anything foreign into these noodles! What were these? People eat these willingly?!

Her face now red, a panting and pathetic Neo turned to the Captain without thinking and pleaded, “Do we have any milk, or anything?”

The Captain’s smile quickly faded. “What, you don’t like them? You hate them so much that you just want the flavour gone from your mouth? And after I went through all that trouble to buy them and even make them for you…” They stood up and began walking towards Neo, who seemed to suddenly realize her mistake.

Before she could eek out a retort, the Captain grabbed her by the back of the head and slammed her face down into the bowl full of hot noodles, a loud clatter reverberating through the room.

Neo screamed in pain as the deliciously spicy sauce got in her eyes and up her nose, Captain lifting her head up and slamming it down again. This one shattered the bowl, sending shards of ceramic and bits of noodle flying. Neo’s forehead and nose were bleeding now, and that gave the venomously hot sauce a new vector through which to cause excruciating pain to the screaming teen.

She clutched her head in agony, screaming at the top of her lungs as she rolled out of the chair onto the floor in a heap. A shard of the bowl was sticking out of her forehead, indigo blood dripping down her face to mingle with the bright red sauce all over her.

“You unappreciative whelp! If I offer you something out of the goodness of my heart, at least PRETEND to like it!” the Captain shouted at the writhing girl, kicking her in the stomach to replace the sounds of screaming with the much less shrill sound of gagging. Neo tried to hold herself together, trying to focus on not throwing up.

Neo could barely see anything, her eyes still stinging like they were being stabbed by a million tiny daggers, but she could make out the form of the Captain, their shorts down and their cock in their hand.

This was on purpose.

They knew this would happen.

They just wanted her to suffer.

So they could get off to it.

Neo felt that now-familiar feeling of self-disgust creeping up her spine, becoming more aware of the pathetic and compromising state she was in.

After pumping at their cock for a minute or two, the Captain stood up and said “You want milk so fuckin' bad, kid? Here you go,” before lifting Neo’s head by by one of the tentacles and jamming their now-hard member past her lips, violently fucking her mouth. She cried and cried. This was too much. There was so much pain coming from so many different sources right now that she thought she might faint. Her throat was being violated by their frighteningly long cock, and she didn’t have it in her to do anything about it.

The Captain gave one last firm thrust and sent streams of their warm semen rolling down her esophagus. Neo could feel their dick pulsing rhythmically as the waves of orgasmic pleasure made them bite their lip.

They pushed Neo off of their cock and back onto the floor in a pile.

“Clean all this shit up. This space better be spotless by the time I get back,” the Captain said as they began to walk away down the hall.

Unable to stop the gag reflex at this point, Neo vomited onto the tiled kitchen floor, the taste of burning hot noodles and stomach acid scalding her throat.

“Clean that up too!” Captain shouted down the hall as they opened the door to the restroom.

Neo could barely move, still overcome with pain and shame as she lay in her own vomit and blood. Despite all that, she still managed to crack a smile when she heard what sounded like the Captain screaming into a pile of towels in the restroom “Fuck, that burns!”

It’s okay to relish in someone else’s pain if they deserve it, right?