Chapter Text
jimin was feeling better, yoongi had that much to be grateful for. after jungkook had collected the rest of his medicine and flown them off-world, jimin had been able to keep down a small breakfast and had returned to bed to rest. but he was brighter; more chatty and less pale. it gave yoongi the space to redirect his worries to the much larger problem that they were now facing.
“this is it,” jungkook announced from the pilot seat, flicking a switch overhead as a large, white planet filled the viewport in front of them, “we should avoid the towns. apparently the locals are a bit… weird.”
“weird?” yoongi asked, his arm resting on the back of jungkook’s seat.
“weird,” jungkook reiterated, “apparently they've become quite hostile and paranoid. and they don't seem to make much sense when they talk anymore. the traders think that they've all gone insane.”
“I'm sure all the talk of evil wizards probably didn't help,” taehyung added before pointing to a screen, “this is the largest mountain in the global topography; I'd say this is where you're going. there's some kind of structure built into the side of the mountain around half way up… it could be where they are set up?”
yoongi leaned forward as the map zoomed in to highlight the structure, its tunnels burrowing into the mountain but seeming to lead nowhere in particular and ending at nothing, “its an unfinished imperial base.”
“imperial?” taehyung's eyes widened in surprise, “what the hell were they doing all the way out here?”
“no idea,” yoongi shrugged, “but get us as close to the base as possible without drawing too much attention. we can walk the rest of the way, but I'd prefer not to have to climb half of the mountain before we reach them.”
jungkook nodded in agreement and began to adjust their planetary entry point, bringing them around to the side of the planet before beginning the descent. the two pilots carefully guided them down, but the moment they broke through the atmosphere, a heavy presence began to push down on yoongi's body so firmly that his fingers dug down into the leather of the chair to steady himself. his mind swam as the oily and uncomfortable feeling twisted its way through him, and he got the strangest sense that something was calling to him, beckoning him closer… tempting him…
“are you alright?” jungkook turned in his seat to look up at him, “you're not looking so good.”
yoongi squeezed his eyes shut, drawing in a deep breath and shaking his head in an attempt to clear his mind.
there is no chaos, there is harmony…
“this planet…” said yoongi after a long moment, opening his eyes again to stare at the rising white landscape, “it's a vergence.”
“uh…” taehyung glanced over at him, “and in non-jedi speak that means…?”
“the force doesn't move through the galaxy in an even flow,” yoongi leaned further over jungkook’s seat to study the wintery scene outside, where snow coated the ground and clung to the spindly branches of long-dead trees, “it ebbs and pools, gathering into places into a nexus point of pure, uninhibited force energy. there are planets that teem with the light side — which is where the jedi liked to build their temples — but there are also places like this… where it's an entire planet completely steeped in the dark side.”
jungkook shifted uncomfortably, “that explains the gross vibe.”
“you're getting a vibe?” taehyung looked to him, his brows pinched, “the only vibe I'm getting is that I'm glad that I'm not the one who has to go trudging around through all of that snow.”
yoongi looked down at jungkook in carefully veiled surprise, shocked that he would even admit to sensing something in the force. “remember what this feels like,” he told him, “commit it to memory. this is what the dark side feels like and if you ever feel it again; leave.”
“noted…” jungkook nodded quietly.
“well, it's no wonder the locals are kinda crazy then,” taehyung peered out the window as they brought the ship in to land in a clearing at the foot of the mountain, “I'd be a little unhinged and paranoid too if I was drowning in evil juice every day.”
yoongi glanced at him with a raised brow, “... evil juice?”
taehyung nodded solemnly, “evil juice…”
“ignore him,” jungkook stood up, “the snow makes it look colder than it is out there, but I have a coat you can borrow in case the temperature drops.”
“thank you,” yoongi stepped out of his way to let him pass before turning back to taehyung, “I'm putting a lot of trust in you, taehyung.”
taehyung spun the seat around to look up at him, giving him a tight smile, “I know. I promise that I'll keep him safe.”
yoongi crossed his arms and took a deep breath, “and you remember the plan?”
“stay off planet until one of you calls me back in,” taehyung recited, “and if anything gets dicey up there, I'll hyperspace jump and lay low until you get word to me.”
“very good,” yoongi nodded, “and whatever you do; do not let jimin convince you to do anything else. he'll want to help but we can't risk that right now.”
“I will…” taehyung sighed, even as he began to pout, “he can be very convincing.”
“and you've become friends now, I know,” yoongi rested a hand on taehyung’s shoulder, “but he will suffer a fate worse than death if anyone gets their hands on him. lock him in a cupboard if you have to.”
behind him, jungkook returned carrying a puffy, brown parka with b-t-seven on his shoulder, his eyes catching on where yoongi's hand rested on taehyung, “... you ready to go?”
“I am,” yoongi took the coat and shrugged it on before gesturing towards the exit, “lead the way, captain.”
the corner of jungkook’s mouth pulled up into the tiniest smile, and yoongi ushered him along as he trailed along behind him.
“don't die, master min!” taehyung called after them, “jimin's totally sold me on marrying a jedi and I'm thinking that you're the one!”
jungkook’s steps faltered as he sent a hard glare over his shoulder at taehyung, who only cackled loudly in response. and yoongi, mortified at the flush he felt rising to his face, grabbed jungkook's arm and dragged him forward, “come on.”
“taehyung isn't serious, by the way,” jungkook told yoongi as they crunched through the snow, moving between the trees as they climbed the dead mountain, “he likes to tease.”
“I'm aware,” yoongi sidestepped a particularly jagged boulder, “although, I'm not entirely sure that I'm the one that he's teasing.”
jungkook sniffed, his cheeks pink from the exertion and cold wind, “of course you are.”
yoongi rolled his eyes and continued to trudge forward, deciding to drop the subject before he found himself walking the minefield that was jungkook's feelings towards him. the snow that they were walking through was thankfully packed rather solidly, their feet barely sinking as it stayed firm beneath them. and jungkook had been right when he had said that it looked colder than it actually was, the air surprisingly dry and still. but dark clouds roiled overhead, casting the mountain in an eerie, dim grey light. they wouldn't get much warning when night eventually fell, and yoongi hoped that they would be well off of the mountain by then. he didn't want to be navigating these woods in the pitch dark of night.
beside him, jungkook sucked in a breath and clicked his tongue, “can I ask you a question?”
“I'm not sure why you're requesting permission,” yoongi answered wryly, “you're going to ask me anyway.”
“why are you so afraid of the dark side?” jungkook went on to ask without further preamble, “you know that it's bad, and it clearly doesn't feel good either, so why is it even a problem? just… don’t use it?”
yoongi worked his mouth as he thought it over, “it's… not as simple as you think.”
“okay…” jungkook said slowly, “so enlighten me then.”
“the dark is as patient as it is insidious. and it's always there… offering more,” yoongi started, “some actively seek it, others slide into it unwillingly… it can be easy to stumble onto that path when you think you're doing the right thing. the good thing. but once it gets a foothold, no matter how good the intentions were, it can be incredibly hard to escape it. impossible, in some cases. it will twist your mind, infect your body, and drag you into its depths in a constant search for more power.”
“but you're not power hungry though,” jungkook paused for a moment, “at least, you don't seem like you are, anyway.”
“coming from you, I'll talk that as a compliment,” yoongi chuckled, “but… it's not always about wanting to gain more power just for the sake of it. ask yourself this; if taehyung was in mortal danger, and the only way you could save him was to take a forbidden power that gave itself to you freely, would you use it?”
jungkook frowned as he considered it, “... maybe?”
“say that you did,” yoongi continued, “and another situation arises later on where you once again need to use that power to save him, but this time it requires just a little bit more… what then?”
at jungkook's answering silence, yoongi sighed, “there are numerous legends of jedi knights falling to the dark side, and very rarely do they involve evil intentions. some grew disillusioned with the jedi order and had malice in their hearts, yes, but others were just trying their best to protect the galaxy and those around them. and some… some just wanted what everyone else had, but were forbidden from ever taking.”
love. companionship. children. a home to call their own. the ability to just simply want or covet something without it opening the door to becoming a psychopathic mass murderer against your own will.
“so why even become a jedi then?” jungkook asked, “why would anyone want that? it sounds like hell.”
yoongi smiled wanly, sadness touching his features in a way that he couldn't hide, “some of us didn't have a choice.”
at that, jungkook stopped, halting their never-ending climb as he turned to look down at yoongi, his eyes both imploring and demanding, “why did skywalker take you and force you into this life? why do you stay? you struggle with it so much… you clearly don't like it, even though you love being in touch with the force.”
“she didn't—” yoongi cut himself off and pressed his lips together, “she saved me, jungkook. and I follow the jedi teachings because it's the only way for me to control the power that flows through me, not without cutting it off entirely… and even that is temporary. we don't get to choose if we're born with our connection to the force, but we do get to choose how we use it. and I choose the light. I want to help keep the darkness at bay so that our people never have to go through that again. I want to be good.”
jungkook looked at him for a long moment before pursing his lips, “tell me what happened.”
yoongi rocked back on his feet in confusion, “what do you mean?”
“what happened to you?” jungkook took a step closer, “it makes sense when you talk, but I've seen you, yoongi. you're terrified. you're the only jedi who follows the old rules because you think that you'll go darkside if you feel too deeply. you're… you're running from something. hell, you're running from everything.”
yoongi straightened stiffly, “I am not.”
jungkook’s crooked smirk made an unwelcome appearance, “I've been running my whole life. I made a career of it. I know what it looks like.”
yoongi scowled and turned away, letting his gaze drift across the dreary landscape. he'd only ever told hoseok about his secret, the shame that sat like a black stain on his soul. no one else had ever needed to know. he'd never wanted them to know. he'd taken the jibes and judgement from his peers in stride, never caring that they didn't understand why he held himself to the rules that he did. let them think that he considered himself a better and more true jedi than the lot of them; it was better than the truth. a truth that jungkook wanted, but one that he was hesitant to give.
“you won't tell me how you knew that jimin was an oracle because you believe that it will make me hate you,” yoongi murmured into the chilled breeze, “you're saving it for when you want me gone.”
he heard jungkook move to stand beside him, his feet crunching in the snow, “something like that.”
“what if this is one of those things?” yoongi glanced sidelong at him nervously, “a truth that will fan hatred between us once again?”
“well… I still hate you, so you don't need to worry about that,” jungkook crossed his arms and cocked his head, “but I'm listening, and I'll try to keep the judgement to a minimum.”
yoongi grimaced, his hands balling into fists at his sides. he didn't want to tell him, not in the slightest. but part of him wanted jungkook to understand why he was the way that he was. why he couldn't never give jungkook what he wanted.
“I hurt people,” yoongi blurted, forcing himself to stare at the dead tree ahead of him, “innocent people. many of them died.”
jungkook went still beside him, “what?”
“my parents died right in front of me. I watched it happen.” yoongi's vision grew watery and his nails pressed painfully into the skin of his palm, “the storm troopers came to chandrila and they were murdered.”
jungkook remained silent, and yoongi couldn't bring himself to look at him. he pushed the barely remembered pain down with everything he had.
“I screamed and cried,” he continued, voice falling to something hardly above a whisper, “they were my whole world and they were lying lifeless and broken in front of me. and then my screams turned from heartbreak into anger, and all I wanted was for everyone to be gone. the storm troopers who had done it, my neighbours who gawked and cried out in horror… I wanted them all to just go away and leave me alone. and so I fell into my heartbreak and my screams grew louder, and all of that pain grew into something tangible that just… exploded out of me. buildings started coming down around me, and like a child breaking its toys or kicking over sandcastles, I relished in driving these crumbling towers into the dirt and turning them to dust. I didn't care that I was trapping myself beneath the rubble, or that those buildings were full of people. all that mattered was that I was getting what I wanted, and the monsters who had killed my parents had been crushed into something barely recognisable. I had made them small… indistinguishable from the debris.”
yoongi felt his eyes burn, but he clenched his jaw and refused to allow his tears to fall.
“listen…” jungkook shifted closer, “I'm no expert in the force or anything, but I don't think a kid can be blamed for losing their shit after seeing their parents die?”
“that's not all,” yoongi squeezed his eyes shut, his body locking tight to stop himself from trembling, “our home was in one of those buildings… and tucked away in her nursery was my baby sister, hidden from the invading army that was dragging us all out into the street.”
I killed my own sister because I loved my parents too much.
everything grew so still and quiet that it felt like it was sucking the air from yoongi's lungs, his words dropping like a bomb of silence so powerful that even the wind in the trees stopped to listen. he slowly opened his eyes to see jungkook stepping out of his periphery to stand in front of him, looking pained and lost for words.
“I know I was a child and can't exactly be held responsible,” yoongi spoke into the silence, “rey dug me out of the rubble and spent years helping me process that. but it doesn't change the fact that the first time I ever touched the force I went straight to the dark side, and it doesn't change that my heartbreak killed my sister. and as I grew up in those temples, studying the force and learning our history… when I heard the stories of anakin skywalker and ben solo… I vowed that I would never let love turn me into them. not again.”
“but you feel too deeply…” jungkook murmured, nodding to himself in understanding, “so you banned yourself from love entirely.”
“it's the safest way,” yoongi cast his eyes down to stare at his feet, “and I've long stopped wishing that it wasn't.”
it was a cruel twist of fate that he had become the heir to the skywalker legacy, placing him squarely in a line of jedi that were equal parts the most famous and strongest of knights and the most at-risk of falling to the dark side. the bloodline may have been broken, but their connection in the force remained the same. if he had been chosen by any other master, if master kestis had taken him as a padawan instead of hoseok, perhaps things might have been different… perhaps he'd be less afraid. but rey had recognised him for what he was and had taken him on as her responsibility, tasking herself with keeping him on the right path. she had turned ben solo back to the light but she had lost him almost immediately… and yoongi had always felt that she was trying to correct that wrong. he was her chance to make things right.
a low, sad whistle came from beetie as he peered over jungkook’s shoulder, and yoongi bit back a scoff. it sounded far too much like pity, and he didn't need either of them feeling sorry for him.
“so… what do you think?” yoongi asked quietly, wondering if he had successfully killed jungkook's little hate-crush on him, “I'm primed to be the very thing you hate more than anything. I used the dark side to destroy lives and tear down homes. I'm the heir to a legacy that caused alderaan to turn to dust and drowned the galaxy in darkness and blood. I killed my own sister.”
jungkook looked uncomfortable, and an underlying frustration had him working his mouth and his eyes turning hard. yoongi stood in silence, waiting, and praying to the force to not have this moment turn into them fighting again. he didn't know if he had it in him to fend off jungkook’s fury.
“I'm not exactly a bastion of good morals,” jungkook said, “I've… I've killed my fair share of people. I lie, I cheat, I steal. I break the law daily. but… this? this is a lot.”
yoongi found himself growing inexplicably defensive, “I am more than those actions, jungkook. I don't lie, or cheat, or steal. I adhere to the law and enforce it when necessary. I've prevented wars, I've saved lives. I've spent my entire life trying to make up for what I've done, and I've imprisoned my heart to ensure it never happens again. this is all that I can do.”
jungkook chewed on his lip, absently kicking at the snow on the ground as he sorted through his thoughts.
“I'm…” jungkook blinked and shook his head, “I don't know what I think or how I feel, except for that I'm sorry for your loss.”
yoongi nodded tersely, unsure of what to say or do. he felt raw and exposed, and he found himself wondering why he had ever told his story in the first place. all it did was make jungkook doubt and mistrust him, carving a hurt deep into yoongi that had no right to be there.
the two of them lingered in the heavy silence, and awkward tension stretching between them. and right when yoongi felt like he was going to explode, jungkook turned and continued to walk. yoongi huffed and made to follow after him, but they only got a few feet before jungkook spun back around and threw his hands up.
“don't you think that what you're doing is stupidly risky?!” jungkook asked loudly, “you've trained to become even stronger, you carry political weight in planetary courts, and you can kill a room full of people without breaking a sweat! wouldn't it be better if you just… I don't know… left? go live on an empty island somewhere and stop using the force? remove the temptation of the dark side forever?”
yoongi halted and recoiled, “is that what you want me to do? to cut myself off from the force and live in isolation?”
“I…” jungkook hesitated for a moment and then shrugged, “would that be so bad?”
“would that be—” yoongi broke off, incredulous, and laughed dryly, “would you stop breathing fresh air just to live off an oxygen tank? would you cut off your own limbs and replace them with cybernetics because your bones might break someday?”
jungkook opened his mouth to answer, but yoongi raised a hand and cut him off.
“I am a jedi! the force is part of me! I am one with it and it is always with me,” yoongi stepped closer, frustration rising as he glared at the man in front of him, “what's the real reason for wanting me to do that, hmm? is it to prevent the potential rise of a dark lord? or is it because it would make me more palatable to you? would it make your attraction to me easier to bear if I cut away everything that makes me who I am?”
“oh shut up!” jungkook snapped, his lips peeling back to reveal his teeth, “you just told me that you killed a baby and you're talking about being more palatable? sorry princess, but that ship has sailed. I think the teachings of attachments and loss that you adhere to very conveniently assuage your guilt for what you've done. It lets you hide behind righteousness and you can't give that up. your moral high ground is built on a foundation of selfishness and—”
yoongi felt like he had been repeatedly slapped, every word a blow to his chest and stomach. jungkook clearly recognised something in whatever was playing out across his face, because he silenced himself and sucked in a breath. the fire that had built in his eyes banked, leaving behind something a bit more pained and apologetic. shocked, even.
“wait— yoongi—”
jungkook reached out to him, but yoongi just shook his head and shoved past him. he felt his training kick in without much effort, his tumultuous emotions drifting away from him like snipped balloons. pain, grief, anger, heartbreak; all of it detaching to leave him empty and clear-headed.
there is no emotion, there is only peace.
“think whatever you want,” he said blandly as he continued his hike, “just stop distracting me.”
jungkook chased after him, “I don't think that. I want to think that, I should think that, but I don't. I'm sorry— I was worked up and I shouldn't have—”
“stop talking.”
“I told you that I didn't know what I was thinking or feeling yet and I just—” jungkook continued, “don't close yourself off—”
“stop.”
a small push in the force had jungkook stumbling, slipping in the snow before managing to right himself. yoongi was tired of listening to him, of getting distracted and emotional. he had been open with jungkook, more honest than he should have been, and it had immediately been thrown back in his face.
“I will not be talking about this anymore,” yoongi turned to level a hard and unflinching look on jungkook, “from now on there is only the mission. no more questions and no more relationship nonsense. we will eliminate this threat, get jimin to safety, and then you and I will never see each other again. are we clear?”
jungkook winced, his lips thinning as his brow furrowed, “did you seriously just shove me?!”
“yes I did,” yoongi stepped into his space, “what of it? it's about time that you learned your place.”
“my place?!” jungkook scoffed, his shoulders straightening in anger, “you're only here because of me!”
“and you're only here because I am paying you,” yoongi sneered, “a fact that you seem to have a hard time remembering.”
he could see jungkook growing angrier by the second, but yoongi didn't care. he didn't care about anything in that moment.
“I haven't forgotten about anything,” jungkook poked him hard in the chest, and yoongi's fists tightened at his sides, “you're the one who seems to be forgetting that it's my ship and my rules! do not use the force on me!”
yoongi barked out a condescending laugh, “we're not on your ship right now, are we?”
he whipped out his hand and jungkook went flying backwards, his back hitting a tree with a thump. beetie let out a screech as he was thrown from jungkook's shoulder, tumbling through the snow in a flurry of beeps.
“you think you're so tough and dangerous,” yoongi approached jungkook and leaned in close, keeping jungkook pinned against the tree like a struggling butterfly, “but what are you going to do, hmm? you can't fight me and you certainly can't stop me.”
the veins in jungkook's neck bulged as he fought against yoongi's hold, and yoongi knew that fists would be flying the moment that he eased the pressure that he was applying against him.
“what the fuck has gotten into you?!” jungkook growled through clenched teeth.
“I stopped caring what you think, that's what,” yoongi grabbed the front of jungkook’s jacket, “this is how it should have always been. I'm not bending for you anymore. I was stupid for ever letting you think that you held some kind of power over me.”
“because you hold all of the power, right?” jungkook scowled, “you've been a mess since you boarded my ship because I hold a power over you that you can't control!”
“you hold nothing!” yoongi shoved him, “you mean nothing to me!”
“and you're fucking delusional!” jungkook’s eyes grew wild, “do you really think that this is mastery of your emotions?! you're a slave to them! a coward! you're— my god, you're such a shit jedi!”
yoongi pushed away from him in disgust. his heart was beating wildly in his chest, his stomach twisting into knots as his head pounded painfully.
“is this how you felt when you destroyed your neighbourhood? when you covered your hands in your sister’s blood?” jungkook asked venomously, “did you even bury her? or did you just leave her to rot beneath the rubble while you went on pretending that you didn't feel anything?”
the muscles beneath yoongi’s eyes twitched furiously, and he stepped back to pinch at the bridge of his nose as he was assaulted with long buried memories. he had laid his sister to rest, and it had been the worst day of his life. he had agonised over it for years. he still did… if he let himself, that was.
pain began to creep up through his chest, pressing on his ribcage and shortening his breath, but before he could process it or push it to the side, a heavy weight slammed into him and sent him sprawling back into the snow. he must have let his control on the force slip, because jungkook was on top of him, roaring expletives as he wound his fist back to deliver a blow. but yoongi caught him and flipped them over, pinning jungkook’s wrists beside his head.
“what the hell are you doing?!” yoongi yelled down at him, “enough!”
but jungkook wasn't listening, and he bucked his hips up to shift yoongi's weight and gain leverage. they were soon rolling through the snow, brawling like two men behind a backwater cantina. beetie jumped up and down nearby, screaming as he prepared to zap them with the electrified prod that unfolded from his chest.
“you're insane!” jungkook yelled as he shoved yoongi into the ground, “what the fuck are you doing?!”
“what are you doing?!” yoongi yelled back as he flipped them over once again, “stop trying to hit me!”
“you attacked me first, you mother fucker!”
jungkook's twisted, his wrist slipping free from yoongi's grip just enough to deliver a swift punch to yoongi's jaw. it stunned him more than it hurt, and he detangled himself from jungkook's flailing limbs to fall backwards into the soft, white earth. he was panting, sucking down ragged breaths, and the brief reprieve had him thinking clearly enough to question what the hell was happening.
he had attacked jungkook. had used the force against him and threatened him. he had… he had been cruel. they both had.
“jungkook—” yoongi panted and shook his head, “something’s— something’s wrong.”
“yeah no shit!” jungkook scrambled up onto his knees, clearly ready to continue the fight, “you're a fucking—”
“jungkook!” yoongi interrupted loudly and turned to face him, “it's this planet— the dark side is toying with us. we— we need to stop.”
he hadn't noticed it creeping up on them, sliding into the back of their minds and pulling their strings. it had stoked their emotions into a negative flame, lacing venom into their words in a way that only its insidious poison could. there was truth behind what they had said and done, but it had stripped the two of them of their ability to rationalise and understand. it had shadowed the pathway to peace.
peace is a lie. there is only passion. through passion, I gain strength. through strength, I gain power. through power, I gain victory. through victory, my chains are broken. the dark side of the force shall free me.
jungkook had paused, gaping at him, “the dark side? are you kidding me right now? I don't use the force!”
“you're force sensitive,” yoongi grunted as he pushed himself onto his feet, “it can twist you almost as much as it can twist me.”
jungkook blanched, “I– I am not!”
“you are,” yoongi mumbled as he staggered over to jungkook and offered him a hand, “we can discuss it later. but for now…”
jungkook looked at his hand like it was a trap, a viper lying in wait and ready to strike. yoongi saw the apprehension in his eyes, the mistrust and… and the beginnings of fear. guilt flooded through him like levy had cracked and burst inside of him. he had done this, regardless of the dark force at play.
“jungkook…” yoongi said quietly as he slowly dropped to kneel in front of him, leaning forward to try and catch his eye, “hey, look at me.”
jungkook’s gaze snapped up to meet his, and yoongi hated the look in his eyes. he looked like a caged animal ready to tear his way out with his teeth if need be.
“I'm so sorry,” yoongi said softly, “that… that wasn't me. it's not who I am.”
jungkook’s jaw twitched before muttering, “I would hope not.”
“I wouldn't do that to you.”
accusation touched jungkook’s features, “wouldn't you?”
yoongi cast his mind back to all the times that they had fought over the past few weeks and winced, “I suppose I deserve that… but to be fair, you're the one who loves to pick a fight.”
jungkook glared at him and settled back onto his haunches, “clearly you deserve it.”
yoongi looked at him for a long before sighing, “I really am sorry… and I can't apologise enough… this was my fault. I should have fortified us against it better. it's just… this place—”
“I know…” jungkook mumbled and let out a groan, “I knew something was wrong the moment I realised that I had hurt you. I didn't even know what I was saying… or why I couldn't let any of it go…”
“it's alright,” yoongi gave him a weak, apologetic smile, “it turns out that I am a pretty shit jedi.”
jungkook just blinked at him for a long moment before letting out a bewildered chuckle, “at least you can admit it.”
yoongi rolled his eyes and held out his hand again, “come on.”
and when jungkook looked at his hand again, the apprehension and fear was gone. if anything, he looked relieved. and yoongi couldn't deny that it eased the tension that had been binding up his insides like a vice.
jungkook slid his hand into yoongi's and gripped it tight, and yoongi used it to pull them both to their feet.
“you know…” jungkook said coyly, “under different circumstances, that could have been kind of hot.”
yoongi raised an eyebrow, “which part?”
“hmm… all of it?” jungkook smirked, and yoongi shook his head in disbelief.
“you're so weird.”
jungkook shrugged and chuckled, but quickly sombered, “the stuff I said about you and your sister… it was fucked up. I'm sorry. and for what it's worth… I don't think it's your fault. and I don't… I don't think you're being fair to yourself. you're a good man, yoongi. your heart isn't as dangerous as you think it is.”
yoongi grimaced uncomfortably, shifting on his feet, “I don't exactly agree with you but… thank you.”
“also… while we're clearing the air about everything that just happened…” jungkook took a deep breath, “you telling me about your past… opening up like that… it isn't lost on me how big of a deal that is. and I'm sorry that my reaction wasn't… optimal.”
yoongi shook his head, “don't worry about it.”
“too bad, because I am,” jungkook chewed on his lip, “and I want you to know… it hasn't changed anything. if anything, I just understand you a little more.”
yoongi was surprised at how shocked he was. he had wanted jungkook's understanding… but to actually receive it?
“I… I have to admit…” yoongi said slowly, “that's actually quite a relief…”
jungkook smiled, boyish and shy, “yeah?”
yoongi felt a little blinded, like the sun had come out and somehow shaken the earth beneath his feet. had jungkook ever smiled at him like that before? he didn't think he had. it was disarming and charming all at once, and much better than that infuriating smirk of his.
“yeah…” yoongi eventually answered, “yeah, it is.”
jungkook’s smile widened, “I knew you liked me.”
yoongi groaned, “shut up.”
he went to move away, but halted as he realised they were still holding hands. jungkook’s skin had grown warm against his own, highlighting how cold the rest of him had gotten. it was nice. yoongi gave himself one singular moment to take it all in, committing the sensation to memory. he looked at the snow melting in jungkook's hair, the way the alderaanian smelt glittered on his ears, and the thick lashes that framed large, shining eyes. he would keep this moment, covet it, even though he knew he shouldn't. it was almost laughable that he had tried to tell jungkook and himself that he meant nothing to him. that he didn't feel anything. it was just a lie… and jedi shouldn't lie.
yoongi cleared his throat and pulled his hand away, shoving down the sensation of loss as he gestured to the path ahead, “come on, we should get going… and pray that no one heard any of that.”
jungkook nodded and bent down to scoop up beetie, whose head was flicking wildly between them, “sorry about that, little dude.”
beetie let out a shrill of admonishment and climbed onto jungkook’s shoulder, whistling out a small tirade that was more than likely a string of insults towards yoongi.
“if the force is going to be messing with our heads, the least it could do is give us the more fun aspects of the dark side,” jungkook mused as he fell into step with yoongi.
yoongi glanced at him, “fun aspects?”
“oh, you know; desire, passion, all that stuff,” jungkook smirked and put on a shocked, wide-eyed expression, “imagine the drama.”
yoongi snorted and coughed, “please stop.”
“only if you tell me what the hell you meant when you said I was force sensitive,” said jungkook, “because I'm not. I would know.”
“well, you clearly don't know,” yoongi answered, “and if you're lucky, maybe one day I'll explain it to you.”
jungkook clicked his tongue, “rude.”