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Chapter Text

On the bridge of the Enterprise, Chekov went immediately to the scanners. Kirk paced the bridge, nails digging into his palms with the effort it took not to bark out orders.

Finally, Chekov looked up. "I see traces of a warp signature, Keptin," he announced. "Computing trajectory…"

"Just send the coordinates straight to Mr. Sulu's station," Kirk cut in, frantic at the time that was being lost.

"Aye, sir." Chekov murmured to himself as he made the calculations.

Moments later, Sulu announced, "Course laid in, sir."

Kirk let out a shaky breath. "Take us out."

He watched the viewscreen as the planet beneath them disappeared from view and the surrounding stars went from white to blue and then vanished from sight, and only then did he slump into his chair.

"Warp eight," Sulu announced.

"Any sign of them?" Kirk called over to Chekov.

"Not yet, Keptin," he called back without looking up from the scanner.

Kirk drummed his fingers on the arm of the chair, his heart racing. Seconds passed that dragged like hours. It felt as though they were going painfully slowly, for all that Kirk knew they were traveling at some five hundred times the speed of light. Anxious, he pressed the intercom on his chair and called, "Mr. Scott? We need more speed."

"I'm givin' her all she's got, Cap'n," Scotty's harried voice called back.

"It's not enough," Kirk insisted. "Can we get warp nine?"

There was a moment's silence from the other end before Scotty's voice, sounding distinctly wary, replied, "There's a wee chance… not been tried, o' course…"

"Do it," Kirk commanded, and broke the connection.

He held his breath and watched the viewscreen helplessly, knowing it would show him nothing at this speed, yet foolishly hopeful that a Romulan ship would suddenly come into view.

"Warp 8.2," Sulu called out.

Kirk's hands gripped the arms of his chair so tightly that his knuckles went white. He realized he was holding his breath, and when he released it, it came out shaky. Every minute that passed was a minute in which the Romulans could be doing unspeakable things to Spock. He'd heard stories, things that had happened during the war; worse, he'd seen the state Pike was in after being held only a short time by Nero.

What if Spock had already exhausted his usefulness to them, and – but no, he wouldn't even allow himself to think of that. This was Spock; he would hold up under whatever they threw at him, and Kirk would get there in time. He had to; any other outcome was simply not an option.

It felt as though hours dragged by, though the chronometer insisted that a mere ten minutes had passed, before Chekov announced, "I'm picking up a Romulan wessel, Keptin."

Kirk slumped back in his chair, panting as though he'd run a marathon. "Thank God," he breathed. He allowed himself one brief moment to acknowledge how much he'd been afraid and to vow silently that they would never be separated again, and then he straightened up, and his voice was pure professionalism as he ordered, "Shields up, arm phaser banks. Uhura, open hailing frequencies."

He took a deep breath, preparing himself for the verbal confrontation. He knew this was where he excelled; he could outthink any opponent in a battle of wills. Anyone but Spock, at least. His gut gave an involuntary lurch at the thought of him, but he steeled himself. He would have Spock back in no time.

He realized that Uhura was taking a long time to establish the connection, and turned around to see her shaking her head in frustration. "There's no response on any channel," she explained when he caught her eye.

Kirk's breath caught in his throat. "Try a different channel?" he suggested weakly.

Even Uhura's withering look lacked sincerity, so deep was her frustration. Before she could make a scathing retort, Chekov called over, "Keptin, I cannot see any life signs."

Kirk sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. The lack of life signs meant nothing – he'd already learned that Vulcans could avoid detection, and Romulans were closely related to them – but he was at a loss to work out what they might be trying to achieve. And since they weren't talking, there was only one way to find out. "All right," he said. "Uhura, tell them we're beaming over."

All eyes turned to face him, with nearly identical expressions of shock. "I know it's dangerous..." Kirk began.

"Oh, good," Uhura cut in, her voice icy. "We were worried you weren’t aware of how stupid this is."

"Do you have a better suggestion?" Kirk challenged her.

She held his gaze a moment longer, a fearsome glare in her eyes. Then she sighed and swiveled back around to her station, and Kirk barely caught her murmured, "Be careful."

"As I was saying," Kirk sighed. "I know it's dangerous, so I won't order anyone to come with me. But I'd like you to come, Sulu, if you're willing."

"I'm there," Sulu responded with a grim smile.

Kirk waited on the bridge for Sulu's replacement to arrive, watching the Romulan ship through the viewscreen with increasing anxiety. "What are they trying to pull?" he wondered aloud.

"Probably trying to lure you over there," Uhura remarked in between calls. "And you're falling for the trap just perfectly."

Kirk waited for her to finish alerting the transporter room to their imminent arrival before replying, "So why not just come on the comms and tell me to come over there? By ignoring us, how do they know we won't just blow them out of the sky?"

Uhura turned around then, and the arch of her eyebrow was eloquent in its derision of Kirk's naivety. Kirk's insides squirmed; now that he was so close to getting Spock back, he had the presence of mind to realize how painfully obvious this whole situation had made their relationship. He was fortunate that the rest of the crew had had the decency to deal with the crisis before asking the obvious question of why Kirk had been with Spock when he was taken in the middle of the night, but surely the questions would follow when things got back to normal, which gave him only a short while to think up a plausible explanation…

The swoosh of the door announcing the arrival of Sulu's relief tore Kirk from his train of thought, and he felt immediately guilty for entertaining such premature thoughts in the first place.

"Come on, Mr. Sulu," he said. "Let's go find our first officer."

There was evidently far more logic in the design of this ship than in the Narada; this time, Scotty was successful in beaming them into a deserted part of the ship, allowing them to get their bearings before entering into a confrontation.

They their way silently along the maze of twisty passages, the only sound the pounding of blood in Kirk’s ears. At every corner, they paused, and Kirk held his breath, phaser poised, listening for the sound of footsteps, breathing, anything that would betray the presence of a Romulan.

The further they got with no signs of life, the louder the alarm bells in Kirk's head rang. They were drawing close to the bridge now; that they had come so far without encountering anyone could not be a coincidence. There had to be some huge ambush waiting for them.

At the entrance to the bridge, they stopped. Kirk double-checked that his phaser was set to stun – he couldn’t risk killing anyone while they still had Spock – and signaled for Sulu to wait.

How many Romulans could there be on the other side? he wondered. He'd seen an image of the bridge of this ship once before, though his attention had been on the sneering commander. It looked smaller than the bridge of the Enterprise, though, so surely there could be no more than a half dozen of them waiting on the other side.

Could he and Sulu, between them, take out half a dozen Romulans? It was a tall order, but they had the element of surprise.

"Captain," said Sulu under his breath. "I don't hear anything."

Kirk's heart sank. Of course, they were expected, and beaming backup over at this stage could only make them more vulnerable. "Okay," he whispered. "We're going in."

To his surprise, the door responded to a simple push, opening to reveal a darkened bridge. They inched forwards slowly, expecting an army of Romulans to spring up from under the consoles at any moment.

A quick circuit of the bridge, though, revealed that it was completely deserted. Kirk walked around once more, peering under every console, but there was no one to be seen.

Sulu was standing by what appeared to be the weapons console, staring at something and frowning. He beckoned Kirk over and gestured to the computer screen, which displayed a message in large Romulan script.

"Any idea what it says?" Sulu asked.

Kirk stared at the foreign words, willing them to form into something comprehensible. He could read a little Vulcan, but this looked nothing like the Vulcan script. He flipped open his communicator. "Kirk to Enterprise."

"Mr. Scott here," came the response.

"Scotty, put Uhura on. I need a translation."

A moment later, Uhura's voice crackled over the communicator. "Uhura here. What's going on? Do you have Spock?"

"No," Kirk admitted ruefully. "They knew we were coming; the place is deserted. God knows where they're hiding or what sort of trap this is, but it looks like they left us a message. There's something flashing on the computer screen, but I can't read it."

"Can you –" Uhura broke off, and Kirk could hear a muffled conversation in the background. He waited with increasing impatience, until eventually she said, "Hang on – Gaila's here – we're going to try to get visual communications up." There was some more muffled conversation, and then, "Okay, we're sending a signal that should automatically trigger visual contact. Can you find the communications console?"

Sulu waved from the other side of the Romulan bridge and indicated a red flashing light at what appeared to be the comms station. Kirk nodded at him to press the button.

The panorama of stars flickered out from the large vidscreen, to be replaced with a view of the bridge of the Enterprise. Uhura was squinting at the screen, mouthing the Romulan words. Suddenly, her eyes went wide and she said, "Shit. You have to get out of there. Right now."

"What?" Kirk instinctively glanced down at the computer screen, as though it would somehow have revealed its secret. "Why?"

"Get your ass back over here, now," she yelled.

There was no arguing with that tone. "All right," he replied. "Two to beam in."

Kirk kept staring at the screen as the darkened bridge dissolved around them, and realized with dawning horror what Uhura had seen in that message.

The moment they materialized in the transporter room, Kirk ran to the bridge. Crewmembers leaped aside as he flew past them, but he barely even saw them, so focused was he on his destination. The turbolift was painfully slow, seeming to inch its way upwards and across, but finally the doors flew open. Kirk stumbled out onto the bridge, breathing heavily, his heart pounding. No one so much as glanced over at him; all eyes were fixed on the viewscreen, where the last fragments of the Romulan vessel were flying apart.

It felt like hours that they watched. The flames were quickly quenched by the vacuum of space, and the wreckage of the ship had broken up and flown in different directions, setting a course across the galaxy that would end only as each fragment impacted with some celestial body, burned up in some planet's atmosphere or fell into orbit around some star.

When Sulu arrived on the bridge some time later, it was to deathly silence. He retook his station without a word, his replacement scurrying off the bridge with evident relief to be free from this tension. McCoy arrived just as he left, wordlessly moving straight to Kirk, mediscanner in hand. Kirk silently allowed the scan, still staring blindly out into the blackness. McCoy moved on to Sulu, and still no one said a word. The recurring bleeps of the consoles and the whirring of the mediscanner faded into the background. Kirk could still see the Romulan Commander’s face, still hear her cruel laugh. If only he'd done more, he silently berated himself. He could have fought harder, done something, and Spock would still be here…

Finally, it was Sulu who spoke up. "There was no one on board," he pointed out. "They must have all left on shuttles. There's no reason to think they didn't take Spock with them."

McCoy shook his head, frowning. "Why would they abandon ship, taking a Vulcan the whole damn Federation is looking for with them, and leave the ship to self-destruct? They knew we were looking for him, knew Jim'd board the ship to rescue him… What if they meant to destroy you both?"

"How can you say that?" Kirk turned on him.

"Hey," McCoy raised his hands in a placating gesture. "I'm just calling it as I see it."

Kirk slumped back in his chair. There had to be a rational explanation that left Spock alive; he couldn't accept any alternative.

"Our scanners didn't read his life signs," Chekov pointed out.

"We didn't pick up on Sarek or Ambassador Spock either," Sulu countered.

"That's because they didn't want to be found," Kirk cut in. "Spock would have no reason to avoid detection; he'd know we were looking for him."

"Unless he'd managed to escape from the Romulans and was avoiding detection by them," Sulu suggested.

"No," Kirk insisted. "It doesn't make any sense. Why would they kidnap him, then leave him in the middle of nowhere, and sacrifice their ship just to get me too? If they'd wanted us both dead they could have done that down on the planet."

"Where were ye, when it happened?" Scotty asked.

"In my guest quarters on the planet…er, discussing their entry into the Federation." Kirk could feel heat flood his face, but apart from a raised eyebrow from McCoy, no one seemed to notice the transparency of his lie.

"That's weird," said Scotty.

Kirk's heart was pounding. Now was really not the time he wanted to have to justify his relationship with Spock. Not when every minute took Spock further from their reach.

But all Scotty said was, "If they knew where ye were staying, were those night-vision folk in cahoots with them?"

Kirk almost wanted to believe that – at least it would give them a target – but he shook his head. "It's easy enough to differentiate Vulcan life signs from other species."

Scotty let out a sigh. "True enough. So where now?"

"I've been scanning the area," said Chekov. "I think perhaps, it is very weak, but maybe I think… that way." He pointed with one hand while the other transferred the coordinates to Sulu.

"Okay," Kirk gestured for Sulu to proceed. "We go that way."

Minutes turned into hours, and barely a word was exchanged on the bridge. Eventually, Alpha shift melted away into Beta, Kirk alone remaining where he was as the crews changed over. Occasionally, his patience would break and he would demand an update, but the response was always the same: they were following warp signatures, but there was still no sign of any Romulan ship or shuttlecraft.

Beta shift dissolved into Gamma. Kirk kept catching himself dozing; his head would snap up, and he'd demand another update. The navigator gave him the same report each time, delivered in the same monotone.

More hours ticked over on the chronometer. There was no artificial dawn on the bridge, constantly manned as it was, but Kirk imagined he could sense the sun beginning to rise. Sure enough, Alpha shift began to trickle in, and the Gamma shift personnel gave him annoyingly sympathetic looks as they left.

"Chekov," said Kirk around a yawn. "Update?"

Instead of replying, Chekov cast a guilty glance somewhere over Kirk's left shoulder. Kirk turned around, following his gaze, and came face to face with a scowling McCoy.

"You've been here all night."

It sounded like an accusation, and that rankled Kirk; he was the captain, after all, and the hours he kept were his own business. "I'm staying here until we find him," he replied tersely.

"No, you won't," McCoy insisted. "You're going to go back to your quarters and rest, or I'll have Security escort you to Sickbay where you can be tied down."

Kirk opened his mouth to argue, but McCoy held up his hand. "And before you try pulling rank, you know as well as I do that the CMO can override the captain on medical grounds."

"We'll wake you if we find anything," Uhura offered. Although she had left the bridge at the end of her shift the night before, she looked exhausted and had obviously had little sleep.

"Come on," said McCoy, more softly. "What happens if we catch up with him and you're in no state to fight those pointy-eared bastards?"

That was what finally persuaded him; he had to be ready to take on a dozen Romulans at once when they finally caught up with them. "Fine," he reluctantly agreed. "But I want to be woken if anything happens. And I mean anything, however trivial."

"We will," Uhura agreed, and Kirk believed her, because who else on this ship could come close to understanding how he felt?

Kirk awoke feeling groggy. He blinked at the chronometer, trying to will the numbers to swim into focus, before finally giving up and asking, "Computer, time?"

It was 19:27. Kirk rolled over, groaning in frustration, and then gave a sudden, lurching start.

He'd been so exhausted that morning that he'd collapsed into bed without a thought, but as he rolled over, he caught Spock's scent on the pillow, and the events of the previous day came flooding back.

Spock. Just the thought of him made Kirk feel as though his heart had been torn in two. It was all too much; the aching memory of their last night together on that planet, and the sudden vacuum of his absence.

The things he would have done differently, had he known that could be their last time together. He remembered every kiss, every sigh. If he focused, he could still feel the weight of Spock in his mouth, could still feel the dull burn of friction from where Spock's body had moved against his. He inhaled deeply, allowing Spock's scent to infuse him, but his breath caught in his throat and came out as a wracking sob.

The buzzer at his door sounded, but Kirk ignored it, clinging desperately to the memory that was all he had left. Moments later, though, the door slid open, and McCoy greeted him with a rough, "Morning."

"I didn't invite you in," Kirk mumbled into the pillow.

"Medical override," McCoy explained. "I brought you breakfast."

"That's an abuse of privileges," Kirk protested, but he wearily hauled himself up to a seated position.

McCoy deposited the tray on his lap, and it was only as the scent of hot bacon reached him that he realized just how starving he was. "Wow," he said. "It's even real food."

"Well," McCoy shrugged and sat at the foot of the bed. "Not sure when you last ate, and it can't do any harm this once."

Kirk devoured his breakfast gracelessly, mumbling his thanks around a mouthful and ignoring McCoy's disgusted grimace. When he was done, he set the tray aside and slumped against the wall. "I should get to the bridge," he began.

"I checked in for an update before I came down here – still no sign of any ship."

"Are we going the right way?"

McCoy shrugged. "Chekov insists he's got some kind of warp signature."

Kirk let out a heavy sigh and fixed his gaze on the wall somewhere over McCoy's shoulder, not trusting himself to meet his eye. "There has to be something else we can do, something we're missing…"

"The message has gone out to every Federation planet, ally, outpost and space station," McCoy reminded him. "There are plenty of people on the lookout."

"So you think we should just sit back and wait?"

McCoy got to his feet, throwing up his hands. "I don't know what to suggest. I think we're doing everything we can. We'll find him, Jim."

"And the planet? Is someone following that up? Because if they knew –"

"It's in hand, Jim. I honestly don't think they knew, though, to judge by the fuss they kicked up…" He trailed off, frowning, and fixed Kirk with a gaze that was a definite challenge. "That reminds me," he said. "What were you doing… you know, together, when it happened?"

Kirk rolled his eyes. "Don’t start on that again, Bones. You know full well what we were doing."

McCoy gave a dismissive wave. "I don't mean that. That is one thing, but spending the night together? That's downright dangerous."

"Thanks for your input," Kirk sighed.

"I mean it," McCoy persisted. "For the two commanding officers to be in the same place, unguarded… we're just lucky they didn't want to kill you, or we'd have lost Captain and First Officer in one fell swoop."

"I'm aware of that," Kirk snapped. "But for God's sake, we were on a friendly planet, as far as we knew… And, well, I just like having him there." He looked away, mortified by his own sentimentality. "I wouldn't expect you to understand."

McCoy sat back down at the foot of the bed and dropped his head into his hands. "Don't be so sure, kid," he mumbled. He took a deep breath, then looked up. "I felt like that once, you know. Hell, I ended up married because of it."

"Just because it didn't work out for you –" Kirk shot back, but cut himself off at McCoy's bark of laughter.

"So it didn't work out," McCoy shrugged. "Doesn't mean I didn't want it to, once."

Kirk stared at him, suddenly intrigued. The only contexts in which McCoy had ever referred to his ex-wife were when he was complaining about the divorce or his access to his kid. It had never really occurred to Kirk to wonder what they were like before that, and it was hard to imagine McCoy as a young romantic who actually wanted to be married.

"Don't look at me like that," McCoy grumbled, his scowl back in place. "I'll deny the hell out of it if you ever tell Elf-boy this, but lately I've actually been rooting for you guys."

Kirk just stared at him, slack-jawed, completely speechless. He knew McCoy had come round to grudging approval – or rather, lack of disapproval – but had never imagined it could go any further than that.

McCoy visibly squirmed under Kirk's incredulous gaze. "I still think it's the dumbest thing you've ever done," he insisted with an exaggerated glower. "But…dammit, he was - is - good for you."

Kirk was so taken aback that he even overlooked the slip. "Huh," was all he could say.

"You were a pain in the ass at the Academy, you know," McCoy went on, apparently on a roll now. "I got sick to death of looking out for you, making breakfast for your hook-ups, picking you up in the middle of the night when you were too drunk – "

"Hey," Kirk protested, "you loved it really, you know it."

"Well," McCoy shrugged, "that's the thing. I'm an old man, I don't like change."

"You're not old," Kirk scoffed. "Anyway, nothing's really changed. You still get me out of a scrape every week."

"Not really. You're reckless sometimes, sure, but you're not dumb. And when something does go wrong, well, Spock's been there…"

"So you're jealous?"

McCoy screwed up his face. "Not about that," he said, swatting Kirk's leg.

Lacking any more heartfelt response, Kirk kicked him, but his mind was in a whirl; he'd never really considered this whole thing from McCoy's point of view. He couldn't imagine how it felt to go from grudging babysitter to subordinate, while someone who was in most ways his complete opposite charged in and swept Kirk off his feet. He had a vague memory, all the way back on their first mission, the first time McCoy had got grumpy about Kirk's siding with Spock in one of their silly rows. He hadn't given it a second thought, though; how the hell had he let it get to the point where they went weeks without speaking before he realized what was going on?

"I didn't know," Kirk said quietly, picking at a stray thread on the blanket. "You didn't seem to want to hang out…"

"Yeah, well, like I said, you're a pain in the ass," McCoy grumbled.

Kirk didn't need to press further; he knew perfectly well that he'd only sought McCoy's company when he and Spock were having issues, and he'd known McCoy long enough to know that his dismissals meant nothing.

They sat in silence for a while, Kirk miserably considering every mistake he'd made since this five-year mission began. And that was a depressing thought in itself; they hadn't yet made the one-year mark, and he was already down a first officer and utterly defeated. How was he supposed to last another four years of this?

"I've really screwed up, haven't I?" he sighed. "I just wish –" he swallowed and blinked fiercely – "I wish I hadn't had to lose him for you to point that out."

McCoy looked at the ceiling. "You haven't lost anyone, and sitting here feeling sorry for himself isn't doing anyone any good. Get your ass out of bed, get on the bridge, and let's go fetch your boyfriend from those bastard Romulans."

Grinning, Kirk threw the covers off and leapt to his feet. "All right! And you know what? When we find him, I'm gonna marry him."

McCoy just rolled his eyes. "Dammit Jim, you can be such a sappy cliché."

The day ended much as it had begun, and another followed it, and then another.

The day that Kirk returned to his quarters to find that his bedding had been changed, he was irrationally angry. Before he could talk himself out of it, he stormed out of his quarters and towards Spock's.

It was eerie, being back in Spock's quarters. The room was exactly as Spock had left it; there was still a chess set on the side, PADD on his desk, as though he was expected back any moment, and the scent of incense still lingered in the air. Yet it felt cold; in fact, it was the same temperature as the rest of the ship, but Spock would normally have set the environmental controls to a higher level. Kirk breathed in the air; that incense smell caused a stirring within him, so deeply was it entwined in his memory with Spock.

He ordered a Vulcan tea from the replicator and sat down at the desk, idly flicking the PADD on. Spock had been reading the briefing on Iliev, efficient as always. Kirk scanned it as he sipped his tea, though in truth the words blurred in front of his eyes. He couldn't stop going through every detail of that last night, torturing himself over what he should have done differently. He shouldn't have taken Spock down there at all, he knew now; Spock had never been comfortable with those kinds of functions. That brought to mind the darkly possessive look Spock had given him when Lenta had propositioned him, and the exquisite thrill he'd felt when he announced himself as 'spoken for.' He'd never had cause to consider himself taken before, and had certainly never thought that he might one day consider it a good thing to be.

He wondered if Spock knew any of this. Other than one outburst after the pon farr incident, he'd never told Spock how he felt, or even vocalized it in his own head. Wherever he was now, did he know Kirk was driving himself to distraction trying to find him? Assuming he was even alive… Kirk quashed that thought before it could get the better of him. Somehow, he felt as though he'd know if Spock were dead. It was a daft idea, since they weren't bonded, but he stubbornly insisted to himself that he was right; Spock had to still be alive.

Not really paying attention to what he was doing, Kirk flicked through the other tabs on Spock's PADD. There were lots of unread messages, of course, from the various lists he was included on, and seemingly endless tabs of graphs from various science reports. Though actually, when Kirk looked closer, it seemed they were from the same report, all under the name Granger. There were color-magnitude diagrams, spectra, light curves… Of course, Kirk sighed, that damn supernova. He set the PADD down on the desk and rubbed at his temples.

If this went on much longer, he was going to have to appoint a new head of science, maybe even a new first officer… but that was a long way off. They would find Spock soon; they had to.

Exhausted, Kirk stumbled over to Spock's bed and collapsed atop the covers. This bed, at least, still carried his scent. Kirk rolled over, buried his face in the pillow and within minutes he'd fallen into a fitful sleep.

Days became weeks. Kirk went through the motions, doing a double shift every day until exhaustion overtook him. He didn't return to Spock's quarters, but he kept hold of his PADD for no real reason that he could identify. The crew spoke to him only when they had to, obviously not sure what to say. Even so, Kirk could sense that they were talking about him. Perhaps it was just his own paranoia, but he was convinced the whole crew thought he'd lost it, that they were on some wild goose chase. And who was he to convince them otherwise?

He took most of his meals with Uhura. They didn't speak, but Kirk sensed she was the only one who really believed they would find Spock, and that made being around her comforting.

They were over a month from Iliev when Kirk finally saw Chekov spring into action, pressing buttons, doing hasty calculations and finally taking over the scanners. Kirk held his breath, perched on the edge of his seat, and out of the corner of his eye he could see Uhura doing the same.

"What is it?" Kirk demanded, impatient. "Do you see them?"

Chekov shook his head and looked forlornly out at the viewscreen. "Nyet," he said in a low voice. "We've lost them. There is no more warp signature. They came out of warp here, but…long time ago. Many days, perhaps."

"So what now?" Kirk pressed. "Where did they go?"

"There is no trace," said Chekov helplessly.

"Then there must have been somewhere they could have hidden their trail," Kirk insisted. "A strong magnetic field, a nebula…"

Chekov looked miserable, and even as frantic as he felt, Kirk had to feel for him. "Come on," he pleaded. "You're the tactical brain – what would you do if you were evading someone?"

"As you say, a nebula, or a magnetic field, but there is nothing…" Chekov trailed off, frowning at his console.

"What is it?"

"Is probably nothing…" Chekov replied hesitantly.

"I don't care how unlikely it is," said Kirk. "You have to give me something."

Chekov was silent for a moment as he carried out more calculations. Finally, he slumped back in his chair and cursed at the console. "It's wrong," he declared. "I was thinking maybe there is a system nearby with a good magnetic field – you remember how we hid behind Titan? – but is back in Federation space."

Kirk was half-tempted to suggest they pursue it anyway, but the Romulans would be exceedingly dumb to venture into Federation space, especially while they held a Starfleet officer captive.

"Do we have any better suggestions?" he tried, looking around the bridge. "Uhura? Anything on communications?"

"Nothing at all," she sighed. "Whatever they're doing, they're keeping quiet about it."

"Okay." Kirk sat back in his chair and pinched the bridge of his nose. "So we check out the Federation system, unless someone comes up with a better plan."

He saw Sulu and Chekov exchange a wary glance, and his fragile temper snapped. "Unless you have a better suggestion, you'll follow my goddamn orders, you hear?" They both turned around with identical expressions of shock. Kirk was past caring. "Do your jobs," he ordered. "This is the Enterprise; we don't leave anyone behind."

It had taken longer than Kirk thought it would, but he was still unprepared for it when it happened.

The intercom interrupted him in his quarters, as he was combing through every scrap of information he could find on Romulans. At first, he barely registered what Uhura was saying, but then he heard her pause, not having put the transmission through.

"Did you hear me?" she prompted. "Captain?" Kirk stared blankly at the screen. "It's Admiral Pike for you."

"Right, put him through."

"Jim?" Still Uhura, sounding almost frightened. "You know what he wants, don't you?"

"No? I – oh." Kirk felt as though a leaden weight had been dropped on him. Of course he knew what this was about. They'd been on their wild goose chase for six weeks now, eating valuable Federation resources; what else could it be? He supposed he should feel some relief that it was Pike and not someone like Komack, but it seemed a small mercy under the circumstances. "Understood," he sighed. "Patch him through."

He had only a few seconds to compose himself before the screen flickered to life and he was looking at the stern visage of Admiral Pike. Kirk greeted him weakly, dread churning in his gut.

"You know what this is about, don't you?" said Pike, not unkindly.

"I do," Kirk confirmed. "And I'm sorry, sir, but I'm not calling off the search." He meant to sound defiant, but he could hear the strain in his own voice.

"Jim," said Pike sadly, "I know it's hard for you to accept this, but these things happen…"

"I don't accept that. If nothing else, he's a security risk –"

"Which is why extensive inquiries are being conducted. I can assure you we're sparing no –"

"Well it's obviously not enough!" Kirk bellowed.

Pike sat back, eyebrows raised. "Jim," he said, "you're already on thin ice. You don't know what's gone on here, how much influence I had to exert to persuade Starfleet not to court-martial you for breaching the Prime Directive –"

"That was –"

"I don't want to hear it," Pike cut him off. "However special you think you are, however important you think Spock is, you do not have the right to hijack the Federation's flagship on a hunt for just one man."

"With all due respect, Admiral, you're wrong." Kirk squared his shoulders and glared at the screen. "Commander Spock is not just one man. He's the finest first officer in the 'fleet, and I will not rest until I find him."

"I'm not blind, Jim," said Pike wearily. "I read your reports… I won't force you to confirm or deny it, but if you're emotionally compromised..."

"I don't know what you're talking about, sir."

"I'm sure you don't," Pike sighed. "Look, you have two choices: you can call this off now and I'll say nothing about you resisting orders. Or you can carry on, and face court-martial, which will mean the end of your career at the very least. I'll call you back in one hour."

And then, before Kirk could respond, the screen flickered out. He dropped his head into his hands and let out a shuddering breath. Without looking up, he reached for the intercom.

"Nyota? Ask Bones to come to my quarters, would you?" He hesitated, then added, "And come down yourself, too."

She acknowledged the request without comment. Kirk paced the room while he waited, wracking his brain for a solution. He tried to imagine what Spock would do, were their situations reversed. The logical thing, which would be to follow orders and trust Starfleet to track him down? A few months ago, he'd have been sure of that, but when he considered how logical Spock had been when he was hurt on Maia III, or on the Vulcan colony…

Uhura and McCoy arrived together, and to judge by the expression on McCoy's face, she'd already filled him in.

"Maia III," Kirk said without greeting, earning him identical looks of confusion. "They were in contact with the Romulans, right?" Kirk pressed. "Can we get in touch with them?"

"It's possible," Uhura mused. "A long shot, but worth a try."

McCoy's scowl deepened. "Don't mean to burst your bubble," he said, "but my wild guess is that Pike didn't call to offer his encouragement on this sterling job we're doing…"

"Yeah," Kirk sighed. "You're right."

"So what're the options?"

"I have an hour to decide whether I'm going to follow orders or be court-martialed," Kirk admitted. "But if I go back to him with a plan –"

"Jim," McCoy cut him off. "'I know a planet where someone spoke to some Romulans once' isn't a plan."

"Do you have a better one?"

"No," McCoy sighed. "But be honest. What you're talking about isn't coming up with a plan that will make Starfleet see reason and continue to allow you to use the Enterprise for your own personal mission. You're talking about justifying to yourself why you're right and they're wrong, and you should defy their orders."

Deflated, Kirk sank into his chair. "This isn't my personal mission –"

Uhura cut him off. "You don't have to convince us this is important. But if you keep this up, you'll lose your career."

"So? No one would bat an eyelid if I was risking my life for him, so what's a career? Why would I want to work for people who would let this happen, anyway?"

"Spock wouldn't want you to throw away your career over him," McCoy added.

Kirk considered that. If their positions were reversed, how would he feel about Spock risking his career for him? Angry, obviously; he'd tell Spock he was foolish, that Kirk wasn't worth it. Yet that guilty feeling in the back of his head told him that while it was true he'd be vocal in his insistence that Spock not waste his life searching for him, he would still expect him to do so. It felt like a horrible thing to think, and he would never admit it aloud, but it was true nonetheless.

With a painful lurch, he recalled a conversation from many months ago. If you ever get stranded somewhere, he had told Spock, I'm not coming after you. Spock, of course, had just told him that he would only expect to be rescued if it was 'the best use of Starfleet resources.'

That meant nothing, though, he insisted to himself. Like any good officer, Spock would consider himself dispensable, but he was human enough not to truly accept that in reality. Kirk was certainly human enough to consider Spock's life more valuable than anyone else's, including his own, and if that meant he was compromised then so be it.

Only when McCoy shook him by the shoulder did he realize he was being spoken to. "Sorry," he said. "I was thinking."

"Did it hurt?" McCoy asked, purely out of habit to judge by the flatness of his voice, so Kirk didn't respond.

"You say you have an hour?" said Uhura. Kirk nodded. "Okay," she continued, "I'll see what I can get from Maia III. But it really is a long shot, so you should decide what you're going to say when he calls back."

"I know," Kirk sighed. As she turned to leave, he called after her, "Just out of interest, what would you do?"

She looked back over her shoulder with a tight smile. "I don't know. I know what I'd like to think I would do, but…" She shrugged, and then she was gone.

"Command really sucks," Kirk said, staring blankly at the door.

"That it does," McCoy sighed. "And not wanting to make this worse, but you do know I'll be expected to declare you unfit for command if you go ahead with this?"

Kirk gave a bitter, humorless laugh. "I've been emotionally compromised since we left Iliev."

"I know. I've been ignoring it – we all have. But if you openly defy orders, it’s harder to justify not stepping in."

"Are you saying you won't do it?"

McCoy exhaled slowly and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm a damn fool," he said, "but whatever you decide, I'll back you up."

"And risk your career too? Shit, Bones." Kirk dropped his head back. "That's an insane amount of pressure. You can't ask me to take you down with me."

"Just telling it like it is."

A full minute passed in complete silence as Kirk turned this over in his head. When McCoy spoke again, he sounded resigned. "You know, kid," he said, "I thought it was odd at first, that you snuck illegally onto a Starfleet vessel, mutinied against the acting captain, and still got rewarded with your own command. I realize now, it wasn't a reward at all, it's the worst punishment they could have doled out."

Kirk had heard it said many times that the only thing that can travel faster than warp 10 is news on a starship. While he sat in miserable silence with McCoy, Sulu and Chekov turned up, both insisting that they would go along with whatever he decided. Moments later, Scotty arrived with Gaila in tow.

"I sometimes think Spock's a few aces short of a pack, if ye know what I mean," said Scotty, "but it'd not be the Enterprise without him."

Gaila looked vaguely uncomfortable. "I don't really know what's going on," she admitted. "I wasn't exactly listening… but lots of people were cheering about how they're on your side, so…" she grinned, "me too!"

"Really?" said Kirk. "They were?"

"You're not the worst captain in Starfleet," said Sulu in a grudging tone, though he was grinning.

"And you're not the worst crew," Kirk grinned back.

Uhura chose that moment to return. She did a double take at the crowded room, but passed no comment. Everyone went silent, turning expectantly towards her. She took a few deep breaths before speaking, and even then her voice shook as she reported, "I spoke to Klar on Maia III."

It was obvious from her tone that it wasn't good news, but Kirk had to hear it. "Go on," he prompted.

"She was there," Uhura continued. "The Romulan Commander, that is." She closed her eyes. "They have no record of where they went next. And this was a month ago."

Kirk wracked his brain, trying to work out the logistics of that, but Chekov got there first. "That means they must have gone to Maia straight from Iliev," he stated in a flat voice. "The trail we've been following…"

"It's a decoy," Sulu finished.

It felt as though the air had left Kirk's lungs. He couldn't meet Uhura's eye as he asked the question he dreaded most of all. "And Spock?"

"He wasn't with her."

"That doesn't mean anything," he said hurriedly. "It means he was locked up on the ship somewhere, that's all."

"But Jim," she said, and her voice cracked. "What if he was on that other ship? The one that –" a sob tore its way from her throat, and she buried her face in Scotty's chest, her shoulders shaking. Scotty held her, shooting a desperate look over her head towards Kirk.

Kirk looked around at everyone who was gathered in his quarters. The finest crew in Starfleet, he was convinced of that, but they had no answers.

"This doesn't tell us anything," he insisted again. "Only that we're back at square one."

"If we've no leads," said Scotty, "how do we even know where to start?"

"We don't," Kirk admitted.

"So if there's no plan," said Sulu slowly, carefully, "is it worth a career?"

Kirk took a deep breath. He knew the answer, but it still pained him to say it. "Mine, maybe. I'd want to keep looking if it was the whole Universe we had to comb. But when there's no lead…I can't throw away other people's careers for that."

"Jim," said McCoy. "Don't do this on my account."

"I'm not. I'm doing it because it's the right thing to do."

McCoy laid a hand on his shoulder. "Then for what it's worth, I think you're doing the right thing."

The intercom bleeped, and the Beta shift comms officer patched through Admiral Pike. Witnessed by his closest friends, Kirk dully accepted his new orders, all the while thinking, What have I done?

Days began and ended much as they had before; while they were in transit, there was little to remind him that anything had changed from the weeks of fruitless pursuit. The difference was that they were now on their way to some rock orbiting an uninteresting star, where they were expected to negotiate a mining treaty or settle a territory dispute, or – well, Kirk planned to read the mission brief at some point before they arrived.

He had a new science officer (though in his head, he always added a silent 'acting' before the title). Marlena Moreau was a talented chemist, and charming too. Once upon a time, Kirk might have flirted outrageously with her, but as it was she was guilty of the unforgivable crime of not being Spock, so Kirk could barely bring himself to tolerate her on his bridge.

The evening before they were due to arrive at whichever planet they were headed to found Kirk on the observation deck, staring listlessly out at the vast expanse of the galaxy.

He heard the door open behind him, but didn't turn around. He didn't need to; he'd recognize Gaila's walk anywhere. She moved to stand beside him and pressed a cup of something hot into his hand.

"It's a type of Orion tea," she said. "Took me forever to program it into the replicators, so pretend you like it."

Kirk inhaled deeply. It smelt interesting; spicy, but entirely different to the Vulcan flavors he was used to. He took a sip; it wasn't bad. He offered Gaila a grateful smile, and she slipped her arm around his waist.

"You know, it's weird," he said, for no real reason but to fill the silence. "It looks like you're looking out of a window, but you're not. If it was a window we wouldn't be able to see anything. It's actually doing something fancy to show us what we would be seeing if we were traveling sub-light. Spock explained it to me once, but…well, I forget…"

Gaila squeezed his arm in sympathy. "So what're we looking at?"

"That's Romulus over there," Kirk pointed to one of the brightest stars in their field of view. "Can't help wondering if that's where he is." He frowned. "Or maybe that's Romulus," he said, pointing to a different star. "I can't tell; the angle's all wrong…"

"That's Orion," Gaila said, pointing. "I sometimes wonder if my sisters are still there, and if they blame me for running away… Foolish, really, since I'll never know…"

Lacking anything else to say, Kirk said, "I thought Orion was in the other direction?"

"Probably. It's hard to tell when they keep moving, so I usually pick one at random." Kirk laughed and dropped his head onto her shoulder. "You will find him, you know," she added, her voice serious now.

"How do you know?"

She shrugged, her shoulder jabbing painfully into his cheek. "I don't. Just seems like what I'm supposed to say."

Kirk gave a rueful laugh. Then, as he remembered, he said, "Hey, I'm sorry I accused you of hitting on him. You should've told me I was being a jerk."

"Just then, or every time?"

Kirk elbowed her in the ribs, and she snickered. "Anyway," she added, sobering, "it's kind of lucky you did. The only reason I didn't hook up with one of those guys on Iliev was because I was trying to prove a point."

"Oh," said Kirk, wondering if he should pretend he noticed.

"If I had, I might not have got the message that Spock was gone, and then…" she trailed off, and then, in a brighter voice, finished with, "and then we wouldn't have Orion tea in our replicators, and that would suck."

"Bones'll be thrilled," Kirk agreed, taking a sip. "He hates the coffee."

"There you go," said Gaila, squeezing his shoulder. "Priorities."

"Dropping out of warp," Sulu announced, sounding as enthused as Kirk felt, which is to say not at all.

"Assume standard orbit," Kirk replied.

It was a science mission, he'd established, one of the boring ones involving rocks. He'd assigned Moreau to lead the away team; there was no need for him to go with them. He was just about resolved to order Moreau down to the planet when Uhura spoke up. "Captain – a message is coming through on the Starfleet channel. The Vulcan Science Academy… something stolen… they're being very vague…"

Kirk blanched. He knew exactly what could have been stolen from the colony, dangerous enough to report even though they wouldn't come out and say what it was…

"Red matter," he said in a weak voice.

Uhura, still concentrating on the message, looked startled. "What?"

"Red matter. They're developing it on the colony. Oh, fuck…" Kirk kicked at his chair, furious with himself. Without stopping to explain himself, he left the bridge, returning a few minutes later with the PADD he'd taken from Spock's quarters. He was greeted by a lot of blank stares.

"Um…" Sulu's eyes darted uncertainly around the bridge. "You want to fill us in?" he ventured.

"Set a course for the Hobus star," Kirk ordered.

"Hobus?" Chekov turned around to him with a frown. "The Hobus star is in Romulan space. Why –"

"Because," said Kirk with a dramatic gesture towards the viewscreen, "that's the star that went supernova, destroyed Romulus and sent Nero on a genocidal rampage into our Universe."

"Okay." Sulu's eyes narrowed. "But that was, what, over a hundred years from now?"

"Yes," Kirk agreed. "But something's wrong. Something's different. I don't know what – maybe it's to do with red matter being developed earlier here… Spock was convinced the supernova that destroyed Romulus was no natural phenomenon, and I don't care if it's not supposed to happen for another century – if there's even a chance it's happening soon…" he trailed off and threw his hands up to make his point. "Here," he thrust Spock's PADD into Sulu's hands. "You did Astro, right?"

Sulu nodded, and started flicking through Spock's notes. There were endless calculations of supernova energies, and at the bottom of one page of notes was something that had made no sense to Kirk until this moment: the note 'RED MATTER,' in stark capital letters.

Sulu and Chekov cursed under their breaths, almost in unison. Sulu looked up at Kirk, panic evident on his face, and his voice was flat as he surmised, "Spock worked out how to create a supernova with red matter."

"And you want us to go into Romulan space and stop it," said Uhura incredulously from behind them.

"I shouldn't make this decision," Kirk realized aloud. "This isn't just everyday dangerous, it's insane…"

"Would you like me to call Mr. Scott and Doctor McCoy to the bridge?" Uhura suggested.

Kirk gestured for her to go ahead, and they waited in tense silence until the turbolift doors slid open to reveal an obviously confused Scotty and McCoy.

"What's wrong now?" said Scotty, eyes darting around the grave faces on the bridge.

Kirk hurriedly explained the situation to them, as best he could with the limited understanding he had himself.

"This is suicide," McCoy roared when he was done. "You want us to go waltzing into Romulan space, for what, a hunch?"

"It's a hunch that could save an entire planet," Kirk pointed out.

"And what's it to us?" McCoy continued. "Why not just alert the necessaries and wash our hands of it?"

"Because Spock saw it as his responsibility," said Kirk. "He told me that not long after we left Earth. And since he's not here…"

"We should go in his place," Uhura concluded. "I'm on board."

Kirk turned around to Sulu and Chekov. "I'm in," Sulu grinned.

Chekov looked a little more nervous, but he nodded nonetheless. Kirk looked then to the science station. "Look," he said to Moreau, "I know you –"

"You don't know anything," she snapped. "Mr. Spock was my commanding officer, and if he thought it was worth doing then I'm sure as hell not getting in the way."

"Okay," Kirk grinned, suddenly revising his estimation of his new science officer.

Finally, he turned to Scotty and McCoy; the two most senior crewmembers on board, he couldn't do this without their support. McCoy, predictably, was scowling.

"I think this is a damn fool plan," he said. "And when we get blown to smithereens, I want my tombstone to have a great big 'I told you so,' you hear?"

"Thanks, Bones," said Kirk, turning last to Scotty, who looked thoroughly bemused.

"So let me get this straight," Scotty mused. "There's a huge probability that we're going to be blown to kingdom come, and a slim chance we might save a planet in the process."

"Pretty much," Kirk agreed.

"Right, then," Scotty clapped his hands. "What're we waiting for?"

The light years seemed to creep past at an interminable rate, even at the highest warp factor Scotty could wring from the engines. The whole way, Sulu and Chekov pored over Spock's notes.

"This is incredible," said Sulu when they were done. "But it's so obvious, when you think about it…"

"What is?" said Kirk, though he wasn't really sure he wanted to understand.

"The way Vulcan collapsed… all at once like that… the black hole at the center – the Schwarzschild radius would have to be the size of the planet –"

"Or at least the core," Chekov cut in.

"Right, but even then it would have to be, what, a few hundred solar masses?"

"And the gravitational readings," Chekov added excitedly. "They changed too."

They both stared at the PADD, their eyes getting steadily wider. Kirk waited until he could stand it no more, then snapped, "So? What does that mean?"

"It means," said Chekov, "red matter is not just collapsing things into a black hole. It creates matter. So much mass, so compact, that it creates a singularity…"

"I still don't get how this is possible," Sulu said. "But somehow, it must release vast amounts of energy, more energy that you can imagine, and then convert that to mass –"

"I don't care about the physics," Kirk interrupted him. "What does it mean?"

It was Chekov who answered, and he looked more terrified than Kirk could ever remember seeing him. "Keptin, when a star of more than a hundred solar masses collapses, is not a supernova. It is a hypernova. It has enough energy to destroy everything within three thousand light years."

The pronouncement was greeted by stunned silence from the entire bridge, but Kirk was silent for another reason. If some rebel Romulans were attacking their own territory with red matter, a Vulcan invention, then it was entirely possible that they needed a Vulcan to explain how it worked. Which meant there was every chance they were chasing the same ship now that they'd been chasing for weeks.

Chekov was convinced it was possible to enter Romulan space undetected; he insisted it was impossible to patrol a three-dimensional border, and they weren't entering from Federation space, so there were none of the automatic detectors that existed along the neutral zone.

All the same, Kirk was uneasy, and he knew the rest of the crew shared his anxiety, with the apparent exception of Sulu, who was gung-ho about the whole thing. Scotty was anxious for a different reason; they were pushing warp 9.2.

They were more than ten light years into Romulan space now, only minutes to go until they reached Hobus. Kirk's heart was racing as he gripped the arms of his chair so tightly that his knuckles were white. He was so tense that it was almost a relief when Moreau called out, "I'm picking up a ship," and he could spur himself into action.

"Divert all non-essential power to shields," he commanded. "Weapons on standby."

"Wait," said Moreau. "It's not Romulan, it's… Vulcan?" she looked up from the scanner, brow furrowed in confusion.

"Stonn?" Kirk suggested.

"No, sir. The ship is registered to the Vulcan colony."

"Captain," said Uhura. "We're being hailed…" Her brow creased as she listened to her earpiece, and then her face broke into a smile. "Ambassador Spock requests permission to come aboard."

Kirk felt as though his heart had stopped. The thought of seeing Spock again – even if this wasn't his Spock… He couldn't even bring himself to speak, so he simply waved for Uhura to go ahead.

It took all of Kirk's discipline not to race down to the shuttle bay himself; he managed to force himself to remain on the bridge, but he paced back and forth, more agitated than he could ever remember being. McCoy followed his progress with his eyes, but passed no comment.

When the turbolift doors opened, it took all of Kirk's strength not to fling his arms around their unexpected visitor, but he held back. "Spock," he said with a broad grin. "Fancy seeing you out here."

The Ambassador did not return the warmth of his greeting. "Jim," he said, "it was foolish for you to come here."

Somewhat blindsided, Kirk didn't know how to respond. "Is that what you came to tell us?"

"You do not understand. I believe the Romulans may have acquired red matter."

"We know," said Kirk. "And we think we know what they want to do with it."

He explained as quickly as he could, but Spock Senior looked distinctly dubious. When Kirk had finished, Spock said, "Why would Romulans create a supernova that will destroy their own planet?"

"Don't know," Kirk admitted. "Why does anyone destroy anything? Maybe some political agenda, or maybe she doesn't realize it will destroy the planet. I mean, Hobus is a good few light years away from Romulus, right? They probably think it will make a regular-sized supernova, like trilithium, and how often do you hear of a supernova destroying a planet in a whole other system?" Kirk took a deep breath and looked away. "Oh, and, minor detail, she has the other Spock captive."

"That part, I was aware of," said Spock Senior, and for the first time he looked sympathetic. "If it is any comfort, I encountered this particular Romulan in my time and found her ambitious, yes, but not unnecessarily vindictive."

"She's going to blow up a star," said Kirk flatly. "She can't be that stable."

"We shall see," was all the elder Spock could say to that, which Kirk considered distinctly unhelpful. He had no chance to say so, though, because at that moment Moreau cried out, "Romulans on the scanners! Three Romulan Warbirds, dead ahead!"

And from there everything went crazy; Kirk sounded the red alert and the ship shuddered as it dropped suddenly out of warp. With the red light dousing the bridge in an ethereal glow, Kirk ordered Chekov to return fire while Uhura tried to hail their attackers.

The first impact shook the ship so violently that Sulu was thrown from his seat, but before McCoy could even get to him, Sulu was back at his station declaring that there was no material damage.

"Another ship," Moreau called. "Right behind us!"

"Target locked," Chekov responded almost immediately.

"Wait!" Moreau called. "Hold your fire!"

The whole bridge collectively held their breath. And then, from nowhere, a plasma torpedo fired right over them, disintegrating one of the enemy ships in front of them.

"They're not firing on us," Sulu exclaimed, "they're covering us!"

"Uhura," said Kirk, "can you hail them?"

"I'm not getting anything," she called back. "The whole comms system seems to be out."

"So what do we do?" Kirk jumped up from his seat and started pacing the bridge. Out of the viewscreen, a second Warbird went up in flames, and the third jumped to warp.

Sulu looked back over his shoulder with a shrug. "The new ship's moving off in the direction we were headed," he said. "I guess we follow?"

"And trust that some Romulan ship has decided to escort us?" McCoy scoffed.

"They did just save our asses," Kirk pointed out.

He instinctively turned towards the science station for guidance, but Moreau looked as out of her depth as they all did. He turned instead to Spock Senior, who must surely have seen stranger things than this in his time, but before he could ask for advice, Uhura beckoned him over. He went cautiously, unnerved by her reluctance to just shout across the bridge as she normally would.

"Jim," she said, and that alone caused his stomach to tie up in knots; there were few circumstances in which she used his given name. "You remember I said I sometimes accidentally pick up transmissions, without meaning to?"

"Sure." Kirk sighed, deflated; so it was about Stonn, nothing to do with Spock at all. "What's up?"

"They're nearby."

"Shit," Kirk exclaimed, causing every head on the bridge to snap in their direction. Stonn; of course it was Stonn. That made far more sense than a crazed Romulan destroying their own planet – though it didn't help explain why the Romulans had been after trilithium. "Scan for Vulcan ships," he called over to Moreau. "And Chekov, hold your fire. Uhura, is there any way we can warn that Romulan ship that the Vulcans may have red matter on board?"

"I'm working on it," she replied, "but I can't get anything…"

"I've got the ship," Moreau called over. "It's in polar orbit around the second planet in the system."

"Okay," said Kirk, coming to a decision at last. "Scotty, she within beaming distance?"

"Aye, but –"

"Then I'm beaming over there to retrieve the red matter."

There was an outcry of protest, and an insistence from Sulu that he be allowed to go too, but Kirk raised his hand to silence them all. "I'm going alone," he said. "Mr. Scott, she's all yours – whatever you do, do not allow anyone to fire on that ship while it may have red matter on board, understood?"

Scotty stared at him in disbelief for a moment, before remembering himself and stammering, "Aye, sir."

"And Spock?" Kirk could manage only a thin smile; just to look at Spock made him feel as though his insides were being twisted. "Keep an eye on the kids, okay?"

Spock's smile only affected his eyes, but it was radiant. "This is a foolish plan," he said. "Worthy of the Jim Kirk I remember."

Kirk had to leave hurriedly, before his nerve could fail him. McCoy followed him to the transporter room, but said nothing. Kirk was grateful for his silent presence; it was one of his favorite things about McCoy that they didn't have to get into a painfully sentimental outpouring of emotion. McCoy just quietly helped him outfit himself with a communicator and phaser and mumbled something about not doing anything more stupid than usual. Kirk punched him in the arm, said, "Don't let Scotty break my girl," and then hopped onto the transporter pad and let the beam claim him.

He had no time to process what was going on aboard the Vulcan ship; by the time he had fully materialized, they were already at full alert. Kirk dropped and rolled across the floor, narrowly avoiding a round of phaser fire. Before he could regain his feet, he had already taken aim and shot two Vulcans, but then he felt another behind him, and a hand going for his shoulder, and he had to quickly whip around, elbowing his attacker in the stomach. The Vulcan's strength was greater than his, though, and he retaliated with a punch that threw Kirk against the opposite wall. While Kirk groped around for his phaser, the Vulcan raised his own weapon and aimed it directly at Kirk's head.

The oblivion Kirk expected never came; the Vulcan's face suddenly took on a surprised expression, and he slowly sank to the ground. And then, silhouetted in the doorway, phaser still aimed at the fallen Vulcan, was Spock.

At first, they just stared at each other, neither able to move or speak. Then Spock moved slowly towards him and held out his hand. Kirk remained there, slumped against the wall, staring at Spock's outstretched hand and struggling to breathe.

Slowly, he reached out, clasped Spock’s hand and allowed himself to be pulled to his feet. They stood staring at each other; Kirk still couldn’t speak, feeling as though the air had been torn from his lungs.

It lasted only a moment, then their surroundings filtered back into Kirk’s consciousness. "Do you know where it is?" he asked, breathless. "The red matter?"

Spock jerked his head to indicate the direction and then, with evident reluctance, let go of Kirk's hand as they leapt once more into action.

It was like regaining the use of a severed limb; they moved as one, covering each other with ease, disabling anyone who crossed their path with seemingly orchestrated coordination.

"You know why we are here, then?" said Spock as they ran.

"Hypernova," Kirk confirmed, pausing briefly to take out a Vulcan who was aiming a phaser at Spock. "Found your notes."

Spock grabbed his arm, pulling him aside just as a round of phaser fire shot past him. Kirk shot at their attacker, and Spock led them down another long corridor. At the end of the corridor, they came at last to the room where the red matter was being stored, a vast glass chamber in which the deadly substance was held in magnetic containment. Stonn was there, his back to them, loading a tiny drop of the red matter into a device aimed at the star. The moment they entered the room, Kirk and Spock fired at him, and he slumped to the ground.

It was too late; the red matter had already been released, and they could only stand there, watching helplessly as it fell towards the star.

"Okay, so what now?" Kirk turned desperately to Spock. "Is that drop enough to set it off?"

"That one drop is enough to create at least two hundred solar masses," Spock confirmed. "It will create a black hole at the center of the star. Not large enough to consume it all, but enough to cause the star to collapse, releasing jets of extremely high-energy gamma rays, enough to wipe out any life within three thousand light years. He has created a hypernova."

"How long do we have?"

"Such events are so rare – and an artificially induced one may have different properties even to those which have been observed…"

"How long?" Kirk repeated.

"I should have known," Spock continued, seemingly oblivious to him. "Even the most powerful supernova could not have had such destructive effects – no trilithium bomb could have done this."

"The Romulans," Kirk remembered suddenly. "The trilithium?"

Spock shook his head. "There is no Romulan faction trying to destroy their own planet. They knew, as we did, that the supernova Nero described could not have been natural; they were trying to understand how it could happen and how it could be prevented. They enlisted the Maians' help out of desperation, as a species known for remarkably rapid technical innovation."

"So it was the Vulcans all along," Kirk concluded flatly.

Spock made a sound of exasperation, so uncharacteristic that it made Kirk jump. "Revenge is illogical," Spock fumed, staring out at the star. "Yet I should have known – what else has enough destructive power but a hypernova? And only red matter could produce such an event in such a low-mass star…"

"Spock," Kirk grasped his hand, squeezing it tightly. "This isn't helping anyone. No one knew – no one but Stonn – you can't blame –"

"This is my fault," Spock insisted. "My other self – he described a supernova, not –"

"Spock!" With his free hand, Kirk grasped Spock's shoulder and shook him fiercely. Spock went very still, and then, gradually, his eyes regained their focus, fixing intently on Kirk with heat that sent a shiver down his spine.

Before he could stop himself, Kirk was leaning in and claiming Spock's lips. Hesitant, to begin with, as though this was the first time. Yet in that moment, it was as though the intervening weeks had not occurred; the taste of him was achingly familiar, the feel of his lips and tongue so natural. By the time he pulled away, his head was spinning and his heart racing so fast he couldn't catch his breath.

"Dammit, Spock," he gasped. "We're getting out of this, you hear? So answer the question: how long do we have, and what do we do?"

"We have perhaps twenty minutes until the process is irreversible," Spock replied, gratifyingly breathless. "The only option is to fire all of the red matter into the star, so that it is entirely consumed in a black hole and the gamma rays cannot escape."

"All right, then." Kirk squeezed Spock's shoulder. "Is this stuff safe to beam?"

"It is."

"Okay, so we beam it into the star."

"The transporter cannot reach into the star," said Spock. "The magnetic fields are too high."

"All right, so the thing Stonn used?"

"Will only do a drop at a time; we need to deposit it all at once."

With a heavy sigh, Kirk raked a hand through his hair. "Okay, so we have to drive the whole lot in."

Spock moved to the ship's navigational controls to set the autopilot, but even from where he was standing Kirk could see that the console was fried.

"Is it fixable?" Kirk asked.

"Negative."

“Okay, so we beam it back to the Enterprise. Scotty, the other Spock – between us, we’ll figure out what to do.”

He caught a flash of confusion in Spock’s eyes at the mention of his other self, but he didn’t ask. Kirk flipped open his communicator and called, “Mr. Scott? Two to beam back.”

When Kirk materialized in the transporter room of the Enterprise with Spock, Scotty’s reaction was almost comical. He grinned so broadly it seemed it might split his entire face open, and began jumping up and down, clapping his hands.

The jubilation was short-lived, however. When Kirk explained the situation, Scotty just stared dumbly at the red matter, shaking his head.

“Ye want to dump all o’ this into the star?” he repeated. “Well, I could fix up a pod, but gettin’ it right into the center...”

“The aim has to be precise,” said Spock. “Can we equip a shuttle?”

Scotty shook his head. “No autopilot,” he explained.

Kirk cursed under his breath. “Do whatever you have to do,” he said. “I’m going to see if Uhura can get us a line to the Romulans.”

The reaction to Spock’s presence on the bridge was somewhat more muted; everyone looked up when they appeared, and went very still, but no one could say a word.

“We couldn’t stop it,” Kirk said without preamble. “Stonn fired –“

“We saw,” said Spock Senior gravely.

“So you have surmised his purpose?” said the younger Spock.

“I have.” Obviously catching the cold derision in his younger counterpart’s tone, he added, “I should have realized that only a hypernova...”

“I do not understand how you could have made such an error.”

The older Spock glanced away, suddenly looking every one of his hundred and sixty-odd years. “I fear,” he said, “that my powers of deduction are not what they once were.” He said this with the briefest flicker of his eyes in Kirk’s direction, and Kirk felt his stomach twist in knots. He knew perfectly well what had been missing from this Spock’s life in his later years.

McCoy suddenly threw up his hands and said, “Well, I don’t have the faintest idea what’s going on here, but it doesn’t sound like a picnic. What are we going to do?”

“We’ve got the red matter,” said Kirk. He explained the situation and the plan as best he could, and saw Sulu and Chekov’s eyes go wide when they realized the implications of what had happened.

He was cut off mid-flow by the sound of the intercom. "Captain!" Scotty's voice called urgently.

“Scotty,” Kirk replied. “Have you figured it out?”

“No Cap’n. It’s the red matter, it's gone!"

"What? How?"

"I looked away for only a moment, I swear –"

Kirk cut off the connection and turned to Spock. "The Romulans – could they have beamed it off?"

Spock took out a Romulan communicator, and Kirk had to clamp down on an irrational and entirely unhelpful feeling of jealousy. It was ridiculous to resent the fact that Spock had ended up working for his captors; it was, after all, much better than the fate he had feared.

Before Spock could even establish a connection, another call came through from Scotty. "Captain – there's a shuttlecraft missing!"

Kirk could almost feel his heart stutter to a halt. He caught Spock's eye across the bridge and saw his own dawning horror reflected back at him. With heavy heart and great reluctance, he tore his gaze away and scanned the bridge. He already knew who would be missing.

"Damn you, Spock," he yelled. "You're a stubborn, self-righteous ass sometimes, you know that?"

His Spock held his gaze a moment longer, and then turned towards the viewscreen, where the shuttlecraft piloted by his older counterpart had just come into view.

"Uhura," Kirk called across the bridge, "can you get me a connection to that shuttlecraft?"

"Working on it," she called back. "And… connected."

"Spock!" Kirk yelled into the intercom. "You turn that thing around this instant!"

It took a moment for the reply to come through, and when it did, it was crackly, distorted by extreme magnetic fields. "This is the only way, Jim. You know that."

"No," Kirk cried, desperately. "I don't accept that."

"Jim –" the connection crackled and faltered – "an honor. Live long and prosper."

"No!" Kirk cried as the connection died. He looked in desperation at Uhura; her hands were flying across the controls, but she could not re-establish the connection.

Kirk spun on his heel and stared helplessly out of the viewscreen as the shuttle was lost against the light of the star. Moments later, there was a blinding flash of light as jets shot out from the star. Spock and McCoy were on either side of him, catching him between them as he fell to his knees, crying out in agony. When he looked again, where once there had been a star, now was only a void of blackness.

Kirk lasted until they were safely back in Federation space, escorted by their unlikely allies, before he left the bridge. In the privacy of his quarters, he fell into Spock's arms, shaking with grief, though unable to shed a tear. Spock held him fiercely tight, saying nothing, until at last the shaking subsided and he was able to breathe again. Then, in a soft murmur against his ear, Spock said, "It was the fate he wanted. He was prepared for it, back in his own universe."

"I know," Kirk choked, the words catching in his throat. "I know it's fitting that he did here what he couldn't do there – I know all of that. Don't expect me to be logical about this."

With one finger, Spock tiled Kirk's chin up. Though Kirk's vision was blurred by unshed tears, he recognized the smile that lit up Spock's eyes.

“Your shirt is intact," Spock observed.

Kirk gave a rueful laugh. "Yeah. You want to do something about it?"

Spock toyed with the hem, looking as though he might be considering ripping it clean off, but then he lifted it off with exaggerated care and folded it upon the desk. When he turned back to Kirk, his eyes raked over him with unmistakable hunger. He pulled Kirk towards him and Kirk barely heard the murmured, "I was grieved to be parted from you."

"Oh God," Kirk sighed against his shoulder. "You have no idea how much I missed you." He pulled Spock towards him, kissing him with a combination of desperation, passion and grief.

The rest of their clothes were discarded with considerably less care as they stumbled blindly in the direction of the bed. It was strange; he was so elated to be with Spock again, yet wracked with guilt and grief. He let out a sob even as he bucked into Spock’s touch, felt overwhelming grief while simultaneously delighting in the heat of Spock’s body against his.

There were hands, lips and tongues everywhere, Spock’s fluttering over his back, caressing his face, and Kirk’s seeking out every part of Spock’s skin he could find. They ended up entwined, Spock on his back and Kirk astride him, with Spock opening Kirk up with long, lubricated fingers. Kirk kissed him desperately, aching for more, to be closer. He groped blindly for Spock’s free hand and held it up to his face; Spock must have sensed the request, because he joined them immediately.

It felt nothing like the other times; it was like slamming into a wall, a torrent crashing into him that he couldn’t separate into discrete feelings. It hurt, but Kirk couldn’t get enough; he needed that connection now, to know that Spock was here and wouldn’t be taken away again.

He felt Spock’s cock press against him and slip inside, and could have wept with relief. He rode him slowly at first, focusing on everything Spock felt through the meld, then picked up the pace, needing to block out all but this one feeling. Beneath him, Spock lifted his hips to meet him, driving deep into him, over and over again.

Kirk would never again doubt that Vulcans felt more keenly than humans; Spock's head was a maelstrom, his passion thundering with such intensity that Kirk could hardly stand it. Spock's free hand groped for his, entwining their fingers, and a strangled sound escaped Spock's throat. Kirk leaned forward, and they kissed clumsily, sharing heavy, panting breaths and moaning into each other's mouths.

Through the rush of sensation resounding in his head, Kirk perceived the single word, Jim. And with that, it all came crashing over him in a torrent of searing heat, and he felt Spock shudder beneath him as they reached the peak together, their minds still linked.

Kirk collapsed atop Spock, gasping for breath, his skin slick with sweat. He could still feel Spock's presence in his head, their thoughts so tangled together that Kirk couldn't discern which originated from whom. Then, from nowhere, a memory that felt different; lying entwined like this, but in a much larger bed. Kirk could see himself, much older than he was now, looking sated and happy.

Kirk didn't have to wonder where that memory came from, but he sensed Spock's surprise; of course, it was the first glimpse Spock had had of that other universe. As the memory faded, Spock thought, He's still here.

Kirk couldn't decide whether that was a blessing or a curse. Sensing his ambivalence, Spock just held him close, his thoughts subsiding to a comforting background hum in Kirk's head. Kirk buried his face in the crook of Spock's neck, inhaling his scent and silently trembling. He felt Spock shift them to a more comfortable position, and they lay entwined until at last sleep claimed them.

The memorial service back on the Vulcan colony was brief, but well attended. There were few who knew Spock's real identity, but even in the short time he had been known to this community he had become revered for his efforts in rebuilding of their society.

There were recriminations too, for the Vulcans who had sought vengeance, and the society that had failed them enough to drive them to that point. The outcome was a Vulcan colony that more readily accepted the limitations of its self-reliance; by the time the Enterprise arrived there, Sarek had already persuaded the others, finally, to accept the assistance of Betazoid healers. Spock Senior would no doubt have been pleased with the repercussions of his sacrifice, though it did little to cheer Kirk.

Gaila, too, was distraught, though her grief was for the rebel Vulcans. Whatever madness they'd ultimately been driven to, they had still rescued her from the wreckage of the Farragut, and she couldn't bring herself to hate them. She spent most of their time on the colony with the lone Vulcan who had deserted Stonn, and if she emerged looking a little less subdued then Kirk decided not to notice.

Kirk's only comfort – and it was, admittedly, a significant comfort – was Spock's constant presence by his side. Occasionally, Spock would even clasp his hand, apparently oblivious to the scandalized looks that earned them. McCoy, too, remained close by, his supportive silence, in its own way, achieving the same end as Spock's hand which gripped Kirk's so tightly.

They were preparing to leave when Kirk caught sight of the glint of a wheelchair against the sand. Kirk, Spock and McCoy waited while Pike approached them. His chair was pushed by a stern-looking woman that Kirk initially assumed to be Vulcan, until her rounded eyebrows and ears came into clearer view. He realized then that this must be the mysterious woman he had only ever heard referred to as 'Number One,' and it took great effort to reign in his curiosity.

"Admiral," Kirk greeted him as he drew near.

Number One left them alone, and Kirk couldn't help but notice the way Pike's eyes followed her. "I'm glad I caught you," Pike said when once he'd visibly wrenched his attention back to them. "There's been lots of talk about you boys back at Command…"

Kirk cringed inwardly. "Look, sir, I didn't lie, not as such – I really did intend to do the stupid rock thing –"

Pike cut him off with a dismissive wave. "I'm sure you did," he said. "And, well, you're aware we can't go around actively rewarding captains who take their ships off into Romulan space against orders –"

"Of course, sir," Kirk mumbled.

"- but on the whole, Command feels your first year hasn't been quite as disastrous as it might have been."

"Very kind of you, sir," said Kirk with a wry smile.

"So," Pike heaved a sigh with the weary air of one who knows they're going to have reason to regret their generosity, "how about being let off the leash a little?"

"Ah," Kirk exchanged a conspiratorial look with Spock. "So you do admit you've been keeping us on a leash, then?"

"Only as much as any new crew," Pike insisted. "But if you think you can handle another four years, in deep space proper this time…"

Kirk gave McCoy a nudge. "See, Bones? Just what you always wanted."

McCoy gave an exaggerated scowl. "You shouldn't encourage him," he grouched. "He's enough of a handful as it is."

"I don't doubt it," Pike grinned. "But I'm sure Mr. Spock's up to the task of keeping him in line."

"I fear," said Spock, "that even the combined wills of myself and the Doctor are no match for Captain Kirk."

"Well," said Pike, "you have another four years to make something of him."

As Pike made to leave, he hesitated, and looked back over his shoulder. "Oh, and Jim?" he added. "Number One was my first officer. I hope you have as much success with yours."

Lost for words, Kirk watched him rejoin his former second in command. He wondered if that was Pike's way of acknowledging that which, while not expressly forbidden, was certainly frowned upon. He felt Spock's hand brush against his, and their eyes met. The intensity of Spock's gaze still set Kirk's nerves alight. He surreptitiously reached for Spock's hand, running two fingers lightly over his and delighting in the way Spock's breath hitched.

The sound of McCoy clearing his throat pulled them violently back to the present. "You may have the Admiral's blessing," McCoy grumbled, "but that doesn't mean the rest of us need to see that."

Kirk sat back in his chair, legs crossed. The viewscreen displayed the blue curve of the planet beneath them; and above, an endless vista of stars that was theirs to explore. "So," he said. "Everyone ready?"

"All clear on Engineering," Scotty announced.

To his left, McCoy grumbled something about the foolishness of space travel, as was expected of him. To his right, standing with his hands clasped behind his back, though perhaps a shade closer to him than was strictly proper, Spock retorted that McCoy belonged in the brutal, bone-hacking surgeries of centuries past rather than on a starship.

Kirk leaned his head back, a grin spreading across his face. "You two are obviously ready. Sulu? Chekov?"

There was no response; Kirk looked over, and realized that the helmsman and navigator were carrying out a private conversation in hushed tones. Kirk cleared his throat; they stopped talking and looked over slowly, with identical guilty expressions.

"Anything you'd like to share with the class?" Kirk suggested.

"No, Keptin," said Chekov hurriedly, his face flushing red.

"Actually," said Sulu, ignoring a swift kick from Chekov, "could we ask you something?"

"Sure?" Kirk shrugged.

"Did you get married, down on the colony?"

Kirk froze, then gave a nervous laugh. "What do you mean?"

"You and Spock," said Sulu, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Did you?"

Kirk found himself nervously running his hand through his hair and avoiding looking at Spock as he stumbled through a protest of, "Of course not. That's – most ridiculous thing I've ever –" He broke himself off when he felt Spock's hand on his arm and finished with, "No, Lieutenant, nothing like that."

"Okay," Sulu said with evident relief. "We were just a bit pissed we hadn't been invited, that's all."

Kirk had no idea what he was supposed to say to that. He looked up at Spock, and was surprised by the hint of amusement in his eyes. Kirk swallowed nervously. “Actually…”

"I suggest," said Spock, "that the lieutenant ensures there is an event to which he may be invited by devoting his attention to keeping the captain alive, which appears to be a full-time occupation for everyone on board this ship."

Kirk gave him a scowl for that, but then his stomach did a distinct flip-flop as he realized what Spock had said. “If we get through this five-year mission…?”

Spock nodded, and a definite hint of a smile softened his face. Kirk grinned. Fighting back the urge to leap up and do something thoroughly unprofessional, he turned a glare upon Sulu and said, "Are you saying we suck at discretion that much?"

McCoy indicated his opinion of that with an incredulous snort, and it was Chekov who replied, "Were we not supposed to know?"

Feeling decidedly flustered, Kirk looked around the bridge. Uhura was biting back a smile and McCoy was shaking his head and muttering to himself. Scotty was grinning inanely.

"Come on, Scotty," Kirk pleaded with him. "This has to be news to you, at least. Right?"

"Are ye kiddin'? I saw the way the old guy looked at ye back on that ice-covered hellhole. You," he added, pointing at Spock, "turn into a romantic sap in yer old age."

Spock's eyebrow shot up at that. "I do not believe that insulting the first officer on the bridge is appropriate conduct for the chief engineer," he said in mock indignation.

Kirk just stared at him, suddenly overcome by the urge to kiss him right there on the bridge in front of all their senior crew. Had it been anyone but Spock, he would have gone for it; as it was, he entertained the image in his head for a moment, then discreetly clasped his hand. Spock's eyes softened in response, and Kirk had to look away.

"You guys," he addressed the bridge at large. "All gossip way too much."

"Duly noted," said Sulu. "So, where we headed?"

Kirk leaned back in his chair, idly twining his fingers around Spock's. "Hmm. What do you think of that star over there?" He pointed in a random direction.

"Aye, sir."

Kirk squeezed Spock's hand, caught McCoy rolling his eyes, and embarked upon the second year of his captaincy.