Chapter Text
Jin wakes to a soft, rhythmic tapping.
Tap-tap-tap-tap, pause. Tap-tap-tap-tap, pause.
She sits up groggily, rubbing her eyes, and notices a strange shadow being cast across her bedroom wall. The tapping grows louder, and she turns her head to look towards the source.
Lee is outside her window.
Well, technically, Firelord Zuko is outside her window. But he’s dressed like Lee, in plain dark clothes, hair unadorned and braided to keep it out of his face, and— Okay, she doesn’t remember Lee having a sword strapped to his back.
“What are you doing here?!” Jin hisses, scrambling to open the window. Shit, that’s definitely not the proper way to address the Firelord.
“I wanted to talk to you.” Firelord Lee says, like that’s a normal reason to be hanging off the side of someone’s house at two in the morning. “Can I come in?”
“O-Oh…” Jin says, backing away from the window to give him space to climb through. “Yeah, of course, sorry…”
The time it takes him to clamber into the room is about the same amount of time it takes for Jin to start panicking. The Firelord is climbing through her bedroom window. What exactly is the protocol for this situation? Should she be bowing? She should probably be bowing.
“Oh no, please don’t do that.” Lee sighs as he straightens up. “It’s embarrassing.”
“But you’re the Firelord.” Jin argues, looking up at him.
“Yeah, but… You’re not from the Fire Nation.” He says, offering a hand to help her up from her kneeling position. “So you don’t have to bow to me. I’m pretty sure that’s how it works.”
“I’m pretty sure it’s not…” Jin says doubtfully, but she takes his hand and lets him help her to her feet anyway.
They both stand there for a moment.
“So…” Jin ventures. “I’m, uh, guessing you and your uncle weren’t actually in the circus?”
Lee, The Firelord, chuckles.
“No. We did travel the world, but we were, uh… well, I was, um… hunting the Avatar.”
“Hunting?”
“I’m not proud of it!” He says hurriedly. “Obviously I never, y’know, caught him, not permanently anyway— and I’m glad I didn’t! But at the time… When my father banished me, he said the only way I could ever return was if I brought back the Avatar. And I…” He sighs, looking at the floor. “I wanted to go home.”
“Oh.” Jin says quietly. She can’t pretend it’s not really fucking weird to hear Lee, the sweet boy from the tea shop, talk about capturing the Avatar like it’s a mean prank he played as a kid, but she does understand what it’s like to lose her home.
“Lee— Sorry, I— I mean Zuko— Or, wait, sh-should I call you Firelord Zuko, or, uh, your majesty? Are you supposed to call the Firelord ‘your majesty?’ I don’t even—”
“Just Zuko is fine!” He says, waving his hands almost frantically.
“Okay.” Jin nods. “Zuko. Sorry, this is… uh. This is really weird.”
“It is.” Zuko agrees, avoiding her gaze somewhat guiltily. “Sorry if I startled you, showing up like this. I just… I felt like I should apologize. I lied to you. I did it to protect myself and my uncle, but still…”
“It’s okay.” Jin says, and she means it. “All of this is still freaking me out a lot, but I’m not mad at you. I get it. It was too big of a risk. If I’d turned you in to the Dai Li, they probably would have killed you. Although, just for the record, I did figure out you were a firebender that night at the fountain. And I didn’t tell a soul.”
“You what?” The Firelord’s eyes go almost comically wide. “But you said you didn’t peek!”
Jin raises an eyebrow at him.
“I didn’t need to peek to know that it would have taken a guy with some spark rocks at least fifteen minutes to light all those lanterns.”
“Oh.” Zuko says, and she gets the impression he genuinely hadn’t thought of that.
“Also,” Jin adds, “Remember that time you dropped one of Pao’s teapots and it cracked in half?”
“Yes…” He admits reluctantly.
“You were whispering, so I don’t think anyone else could tell, but you were right next to my table… I heard you swear by Agni.”
The Firelord groans, his face turning pink, and spirits help her, Jin still finds it as cute as she did back when he was just Lee.
Not that she’s going to do anything about that. No boy is cute enough to be worth the drama that would be trying to date the Firelord.
“Hey, can I ask you something… kind of embarrassing…?”
Zuko makes a noise that sounds almost like he’s in pain.
“Is that not what you’ve been doing?”
“Uh… Not on purpose?” Jin winces apologetically. “But I meant embarrassing for me.”
“Oh.” Zuko looks at her strangely, like he’s trying to fathom the kind of profound insanity that would prompt someone to voluntarily embarrass themselves. “I guess so. If you really want to.”
“I do.” Jin assures him. “I’m just… y’know. I don’t know how to, um…” She bites her lip. “Did you only go out with me because your uncle made you?”
“I…” Now he looks like he’s in pain too. Great job, Jin. “Maybe a bit? But not— It wasn’t because I disliked you, or anything like that! It was just… At that point, all I was really thinking about was the war, and the Avatar, and proving myself to my father. My uncle was always telling me I should ‘spend time with people my own age’ and ‘try to make some friends’, but… I called him a fool. I thought things like that were pointless, a distraction from my real purpose.”
Zuko sighs heavily, and despite the fact that it was only one date and his reasons weren’t personal, Jin can’t help feeling a little hurt that it apparently meant nothing to him. She supposes it’s her fault for asking, though.
“But,” He continues. “I’m actually glad that I, um… Did that with you. Because I think it made me understand, a little bit, what my uncle was talking about.”
“It… did?” Jin asks.
“Yeah.” Zuko nods very seriously. “When I was a child, my father taught me that power was the only thing that mattered. Having power, and keeping it, was all I was supposed to care about. I didn’t have any power as Lee, and I hated it. I hated how people treated me, I hated all the things I had to do, all the things I couldn’t do…” He shakes his head, laughing a little to himself. “I couldn’t imagine anyone being happy with that kind of life.
“But that night at the fountain… It showed me that maybe there was something to it all… something I’d been missing. Right then… I was actually kind of jealous of Lee. He got to just… be, without the weight of destiny or expectation. He got to have a— a private moment, where the only thing that mattered was the person he was with, sharing that time with her, making her smile… And for just that moment, through being him, I got to have that too. It was… nice. And I wouldn’t have had that experience if it wasn’t for you. So, thank you.”
He finishes his speech, looking very earnest, and only then seems to realize that Jin is staring at him with wide eyes. His shoulders tense.
“Sorry, was— was that a weird thing to say? I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable…”
“It’s okay!” Jin says quickly. “I’m not— You didn’t make me uncomfortable. It’s just that… the way you talk about growing up, how everything was about power and destiny and pleasing your father, that you felt like you weren’t allowed to do normal stuff like go on dates and have friends… It sounds— It makes me feel really sad.”
“Oh.” Zuko says quietly, eyes straying to the floor. “I— I guess it is sort of sad. At the time I thought it was just the way things had to be, the way they should be… And by the time I realized it wasn’t, well… I’m the Firelord now.”
Jin frowns.
“And the Firelord isn’t allowed to have friends?”
“Well, I…” Zuko smiles a little. “I guess I do have friends now. But I don’t get to see them as much as I’d like to. I have a lot of responsibilities, a lot of things that need my attention…”
“But you still need to take breaks and have fun sometimes! You’ll go crazy otherwise. And the last thing this world needs is another crazy Firelord.” Jin sees his startled expression and frantically backtracks. “No, wait, shit, I didn’t mean it like that, I just—”
“It’s fine.” Is the Firelord… laughing at her? “‘Crazy’ is hardly the worst thing I’ve heard my father called. It’s just that for a minute you sounded exactly like Aang.”
“Aang?” Jin asks him. “Who’s— Wait Avatar Aang?!”
“Yeah.” Okay, now he’s definitely laughing at her. “He’s always saying things like that.”
“Telling you to rest, or that your father is crazy?”
Zuko shrugs.
“Both. He doesn’t have much of a filter, but he’s a good kid. And a good friend.”
“You’re friends with the Avatar?”
“Yeah. I was his firebending teacher. Actually, he hasn’t mastered it yet, so technically I still am.”
His sudden grin tells Jin there’s a lot of firebending practice in the Avatar’s near-future.
“Wow.” She says. “That’s really cool. Although I think people might have an even harder time believing that Lee taught the Avatar than they did believing he became the Firelord.”
Zuko looks suddenly stricken.
“Wait, have you been telling people that Lee and the Firelord are the same person?”
“Only a few people…” Jin says worriedly. “Is that… bad?”
Zuko covers his face with both hands.
“Jiiin, why would you tell people that?” He says, in a tone that could charitably be labeled as ‘petulant’, and uncharitably labeled as ‘whining.’
“Because it’ll make them less scared of you!” Jin says earnestly.
Zuko is quiet for a moment.
“People… People are scared of me?”
“Well, yeah.” Jin shrugs. “The only thing people around here really know about Firelord Zuko is that he’s, y’know, the Firelord. Us war refugees don’t exactly have great associations with Firelords.”
“I… That’s fair.”
“But people around here do know Lee.” Jin continues. “They like Lee. If they know him and Firelord Zuko are the same person, maybe they’ll stop spreading rumors that you shoot lightning bolts out of your eyes to punish anyone who speaks your father’s name. You… You don’t do that… right?”
“Wh— of course I don’t— That’s not even physically possible! And even if it was I still wouldn’t—” Zuko sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose, another gesture that is familiar to Jin as one of Lee’s. “Look, Jin, I… My father was a tyrant. I don’t want to be like that. I want to lead by example, not by force. I’ve had to deal somewhat harshly with a few people who were actively trying to put my father back on the throne, but I would never punish someone just for talking about him. That’s exactly the sort of thing he would have done, and I don’t want to be anything like him.”
“Yeah.” Jin smiles. “I kinda figured something like that.”
“You did?” Zuko asks. “You’re not, uh, scared of me, like everyone else?”
“Nah.” Jin shakes her head. “I mean, yeah, you’re the Firelord, which is— I’m not gonna say that’s not hard to wrap my head around and really intimidating… But you’re also still the guy who put food out for the stray pygmy puma kittens every night, even when you thought no one was watching.”
“They were hungry.” Zuko says defensively, as if he’s being scolded. “I couldn’t just let them starve.”
“But you could have.” Jin argues. “That’s exactly my point. You could have let them starve, but you didn’t, because you’re a good person.”
The look Zuko gives her in response tells her a little bit too much about how few times in his life he’s heard those words. It makes Jin sad for him again.
“Besides,” She jokes, hoping to lighten the mood, and also possibly to find out why he’s brought a sword into her house. “I know you wouldn’t really hurt me. I’ve said a lot of things in this conversation alone that you’re definitely not supposed to say to a Firelord, and you haven’t threatened me with that sword even once.”
Zuko raises an eyebrow at her.
“It’s two swords, actually.” He says, as if that makes it better. “And they’re just for self-defense.”
“Self-defense against what, exactly?”
“Assassins.” He answers casually. “A lot of people want the Firelord dead.”
“Why?”
Zuko shrugs.
“Lots of reasons. Some of them are afraid I’ll become my father. Some of them hate me because I’m not my father. A lot of times we’re not even able to discover their motives. It’s… honestly pretty exhausting.”
“Exhausting?” Jin squeaks. “People are trying to kill you, and all you can say about it is that it’s exhausting?!”
“I grew up as Prince of the Fire Nation.” Zuko says seriously, and yet not seriously enough for the topic. “Then I was its most well-known traitor. Now I’m the Firelord. People have literally wanted me dead since before I was born. It’s not exactly something I enjoy, obviously, but…”
Jin stares at him.
“Are you seriously saying you’ve just ‘gotten used to’ being the target of assassination attempts?”
“I… guess so?” Zuko looks awkward again. “Is that really weird? That’s really weird, isn’t it?” He sighs. “It’s just. Either I get used to it, or I let it drive me insane. And it’s like you said, the world can’t afford for me to go insane.”
“That’s— I guess you have a point.” Jin concedes. “But, um… if so many people are trying to kill you, wasn’t it really dangerous for you to come here alone?”
Zuko scoffs.
“The imperial guards won’t even notice I’m gone.”
“What?” Jin asks, horrified. “Isn’t that a bad thing? Aren’t they supposed to be, you know, guarding you?”
“They do what I need them to do.” Zuko says. “I can take care of myself.”
“You…” Jin hesitates. “I mean, I’m sure you’re a great firebender, and you have the swords and everything, but… you’re still just one person.”
Zuko crosses his arms with a huff.
“I broke Aang out of Pohai as ‘just one person,’ and I didn’t even need bending to do it. I think I can handle a few assassins.”
“I mean, i-if you’re sure, I g—” Jin stops. “Wait, Pohai? Why do I know that name? Isn’t that the Fire Nation stronghold where the Avatar met the Blue Spirit?”
Zuko freezes.
“Um… is it?”
Jin narrows her eyes at him.
“The way I’ve heard it in all the stories, it was the Blue Spirit who single-handedly helped the Avatar escape. And—” She gasps, the pieces suddenly fitting together, “And The Blue Spirit fights with two swords! And he was in Ba Sing Se at the same time Lee was!”
Zuko shuffles his feet guiltily.
“All of those things are true…”
Jin throws up her hands.
“Is there anyone else I should know about who’s secretly been you this whole time?!”
“Um…” Zuko says, like he actually has to think about it. “No, I think that’s it.”
“Unbelievable.”
“Sorry…” Zuko says. He actually looks guilty too, as if he really thinks he has something to apologize for.
Jin laughs.
“You don’t need to be sorry, Zuko. It’s a lot to take in, but honestly, it kind of makes sense too. And I think it’s really amazing that you did all of that stuff.” She smiles. “I think you’re really amazing.”
Zuko blinks at her. It’s hard to tell in the dim light of the room, but his face looks faintly pink.
“You do?”
“Well, yeah. I don’t get why you’re surprised, really. I mean, you already know I liked you as Lee. Why would finding out you did a bunch of cool shit and helped the Avatar save the world change that?”
Zuko shrugs, his shoulders slumping a little when he lets them drop.
“I never really understood why you liked Lee in the first place. I mean, it’s not as though he had anything to offer you.”
“So? He was cute, and sweet, and funny… He— you, didn’t need to offer me anything to make me like you.”
Zuko studies her face, frowning.
“Huh.” He says after a long moment, expression shifting subtly in a way that Jin doesn’t quite grasp the meaning of.
“What?”
“I— Nothing.” Zuko shakes his head. “I just… realized something, that’s all. It’s not important.”
“Tell me anyway.”
Zuko gives a little huff of fond exasperation that Jin remembers hearing directed at Lee’s uncle with great regularity. He crosses his arms again, not meeting her gaze when he speaks.
“When I was growing up, the only other kids around were my sister’s friends. And after I was banished, there weren’t really a lot of opportunities… My point is, when I joined up with Aang and the others, I started to feel like I had friends, real friends, for the first time in my life. But I guess that wasn’t exactly true. It was close to the truth, but… When I really think about it, you were my first friend, Jin.”
His first friend. The Firelord’s first friend.
It’s tragic and heartwarming at the same time, a beautiful and terrifying honor.
“I, um— Thank you. I mean— I’m glad. To have been your friend. Do you— Are we… still friends?”
“Do you… Do you want to be?”
“Yeah, of course.”
He shoots her a relieved smile.
“Then yeah, we are.”
Jin gives him a smile in return.
A warm moment passes between them, then lingers. The time stretches on until they’re both just standing there awkwardly, suddenly feeling like there’s nothing left to say.
Zuko shuffles his feet.
“I guess I should probably go. The guards will eventually notice I’m gone if I don’t get back. I don’t want to scare them. And you probably need to sleep too.” He rests one hand on the back of his head, suddenly sheepish. “Uh… sorry for waking you up. I just wanted a chance to, you know, actually talk to you. We couldn’t really have this conversation in the Earth King’s palace.”
“No, I’m glad you came,” Jin says, shaking her head. “You’re… I wanted to talk to you too. And it was nice, to see you again.”
“Yeah?” Zuko’s expression is adorably hopeful, like he really wasn’t sure if she felt that way. “I… it was nice. Thanks, Jin. For a lot of things.”
He starts to turn back to the window, but Jin grabs his elbow.
“Wait—” And she pulls him into a hug.
Zuko freezes, for a moment just standing there stiffly with his hands half raised like he was about to ward off an attack. Then he takes a breath in and lets himself relax, bringing his arms up aroud her shoulders and gently returning the embrace. They both linger there for a moment before pulling away, faces pink but smiling.
“I, uh… My uncle still has his tea shop in the upper ring.” Zuko murmurs. “The Jasmine Dragon. You should stop by, I’m sure he’d be thrilled to see you.”
“You really think he’d remember me?”
Zuko laughs.
“You’re joking, right? After that night we went out, he wouldn’t stop talking about you for days. I think he wanted to adopt you.” Jin blinks at him. “Don’t worry, I told him you have parents.”
“He’s… Your uncle always seemed like a really sweet man.”
“He is,” Zuko affirms, with equal parts fondness and conviction.
“Is he really, um… Is he really General Iroh? You know, like… that General Iroh?”
“Huh?” Zuko frowns as the realization dawns. “Oh. Yeah, he is. But he’s changed a lot since then. Just like I’ve changed from back when I was hunting the Avatar.”
Jin nods.
“Okay. I guess I just… might not mention to my parents exactly which tea shop I’m going to.”
“That’s… understandable,” Zuko sighs. “Um… I really do need to go now. The sun will start coming up soon.”
“Right,” Jin agrees. “Well… It was nice seeing you again.”
Zuko hoists himself back out the window, but stays hanging onto the frame for a moment, looking at her.
“So… I can’t get away from Caldera very often, but I try to come and visit my uncle at least once a year. Maybe the next time I do… I’ll see you at the Jasmine Dragon?”
“Oh!” Jin’s eyes widen. “Yeah, I— I’d like that.”
Zuko’s warm, bright smile reminds her why firebenders worship the sun.
“Good luck, Jin,” He says, before springing to the ground.
She watches him go, his all-black clothing quickly disappearing into the darkness.
“Good luck, Firelord Zuko.”