Chapter Text
I have never been able to leave when it
matters—
—not you; not you, and never this place. [This was more a metaphor for my feelings around the difficult time I was having and being torn between not wanting to go but suspecting it was the only option.]
I stood dying in place my whole life,
stood behind you for all these years
(I) stood behind the cracked counter in that smoky bar
catching tips and come-ons
(I) stood behind the weathered, grey drying line full of your
undershirts and my dust rags [I think I was kind of pulling in some cliches to set up the “character” here, though I’m not sure whether I managed to keep that consistent throughout.]
and then when I sprinted after you,
all the while thinking I was leading in this race of
circular logic, [A little pretentious here, but I liked the wording.]
I learned that our years contained only me, [I still really like this line.]
and that you
have always stood outside them, outside us.
So now here you are, falling
away from me again.
I falter, stand staring at your finely-
chiselled name, [Yeah, here’s that shift in character, more of a jump than a smooth transition]
And I want to ask you for the years
back, but I don’t know how. [This may be my favorite sentence in the work. It was really a good way to bring it around to the beginning.]