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Daniel
This night won't end. I keep my eyes lingering on my phone hoping to find any inch of a reason to get out of this place. Some kid is throwing a party, I don't remember his name, although I do vaguely remember one of his friends getting suspended for being part of the EDL or something. But that's nothing new. There's booze and mud everywhere, people scream and sweat, as loud drill echoes throughout the house.
I want to go home ..... But this is better than home, here there's something I am something. The head boy. The top student. At home, behind closed doors I don't have anything, I used to have 엄마와 아빠. And I used to have Aled. But they've all left me. Can't say I blame them. I'm tired, I'm drunk I'm in a room full of people, my friends, yet I'm so so alone
Raine
This rave really sucks, I think to myself looking around at the drunk sweaty teenagers in various stages of getting off on eachother around the room. No one from the group is here, they're all cooped Up revising, but I'm taking a day off, or adding a day off to the week where I've not studied at all. It's no bother, nothing that a party and cheap alcohol can't fix. Even if it might allegedly be supplied by a racist.
I steal another bottle and make my way outside, the gardens not to big or small and very hilly, I lie down on the grass the dew seeping into my dress, cooling my flushed body down slightly. On my back I turn my face and spot someone. It's Daniel Jun. I was shocked that he wasn't living in the library, since it was study leave. I took him in for a moment, the glow of the moon made his face kind of sparkle, he was clutching his phone, and his usually irritated face looked sad.
Daniel
I hear shuffling next to me, turning I see a girl, she was tall had brown skin and extra long grey hair.
"Raine" I say or think I don't know I can't tell anymore
She looks at me smiling a little her body might be swaying
"How on earth do you know who I am." she says laughing, I almost don't answer cause she sounds like she's talking to herself.
"Well there's not alot of you know - us - here in the sixth form" I would never say this normally, I almost start burning from embarrassment when the words spill out of my mouth Raine stays silent for a few moments, then shuffles closer to me.
"Daniel mate are you okay, you don't look to well." I move closer to her, as I'm about to shrug her off and pretend everythings fine, my throat catches all of the emotions of tonight, the past week, the past fucking month. I sob quietly, Raine moves closer and puts an arm around me, somehow I sink into her chest she boiling.
Raine
"Hey, it fine everything will be okay come here."
I hold him tight as he continues to sob uncontrollably, suddenly remembering where we are.
"Come on let's go," I grab his arm and guide him through the house, luckily no one notices us as I run him into the bathroom, locking the door.
"There we go it's quieter here." I look at Daniel, he sits with his head lying on the bath he looks horrible.
"Daniel is there someone I can call for you." I crouch down next to him "A friend maybe who can take you home."
His eyes suddenly light up he looks at me straight in the eyes for the first time
"Aled" he whispers "I would have called Aled, and he would have come and we would have -"
I stop myself thinking for a second, the emptiness I feel without him lingers. I don't register where I am or what's around me just Aled only Aled.
"We loved each other, we care about each other, he would have held me and kissed me for hours, we spent days just in bed with each other and now he's ...." My head starts throbbing, I hold it to try and make it stop "I'm so alone.... so so." I lose my words. I put my head on my knees and it starts to throb less.
Raine
I don't say anything, absolutely gobsmacked about the fact that Daniel Jun might have just outed himself to me. This night can't get anymore crazy. Although thinking about it Daniel and Aled being together makes sense. If Daniel was there then Aled would be to, if Aled was there then so was Daniel. They we're so extremely close. It must be nice I thought.
"I'm so sorry, Your boyfriend might not be here but uni-"
"He's not my boyfriend" Daniel shouts or maybe he didn't I'm having trouble telling.
"He's my ...... I don't know what he is"
I stare "Oh right it's like that I understand I've been there".
Daniel suddenly becomes very serious, he tenses slightly
"No you don't it's different when you don't have to hide, when you're straight"
I laugh
"Who says I was talking about a boy." he stares
"But I've seen you with boys before" I start laughing louder
"Oh Daniel Jun so smart yet so daft, it is possible to like girls and boys at the same time." Daniels eyes widen comically
"What yeah I know that .. I just. I'm not ... I know about other sexualities I have access to the internet." That sets me into a full frantic laugh, Daniel starts laughing too, knowing how ridiculous he sounds. The air in the bathroom is lighter now and I feel less alone.
Daniel
I feel less alone now that Raine's here, its weird the first time I ever come out to someone is in the toilet of a shitty party. I imagined it being alot grander than this. I want to stay with Raine, so I quickly ask another question.
"So do your parents know ... that you're into girls I mean."
Raine rolls her eyes "Have I told my immigrant parents that I'm queer no, my family fits the homophobia stereotype quite well unfortunately, shame I didn't get the academic weapon one too." I nod in understanding, slightly shocked by our similarities.
"I got the overbearing stereotype too, fell a little short with the whole striving for academic success thing, but that's what everyone still assumes about me." Raine tilts her head
"I remember your parents, they came when you won that maths award, you're mum cheered so loudly and you're dad filmed everything on camera. They seemed so proud. 12 year old Raine was jealous."
I breathe in deeply the memory being painful, I remember my dad praising me non stop. Telling me I'll be great at the shop, that I'll make the whole family rich. It hurts to remember that even at 12, I knew that's not what I wanted, but knowing I couldn't say anything
"It's alot more complicated, my parents both came to England with their families as teens. My mum with her parents, and my dad with his mum. They were promised alot of things, by alot of people that just never happened. They went through hell to get where they are today and don't want that for me. They're scared of things outside the comfort of our own home, the only thing they had outside their families for a very long time was Carol.... Aleds mum"
Raine takes everything in for a second.
"Well you can be the change Daniel, ur crazy smart you can do anything with your brain, and today I've also learn't your full of surprises."
Daniels eyebrows shift in confusion "Surprises" he asked "what do you mean"
Raine
I was going to say what him and his family had been through, how much he depended on Aled, the fact that I didn't think there were any other queer people in our school. There seemed to be a mass of things that I didn't know about this guy, I don't think anyone did, I didn't want to talk about that though, I liked this Daniel and I wanted to keep talking with him not make him sad again.
"Well the fact that someone as nerdy as you isn't a total virgin is beyond me." I say giggling. Daniel rolls his is eyes and nudges me on the shoulder a little, laughing along
"Yeah well I'm different with Aled, things are different when we're together. I miss him .... Not just the sex ... him."
Daniel
I sigh reminiscing, Raine listens to my words the florescent light of the bathroom makes her hair glow, the party is far away and the music is faint all there is is us and our thoughts.
"Really" she says "You can tell me I'll listen." And I tell Raine, the girl whose practically a stranger, but is also somehow so close and she listens to every word. For once I can still feel the emptiness inside without Aled, but somehow I'm not alone.