Chapter Text
-V-
The motor stalled. Again.
“You gotta be fucking kidding me,” I muttered to myself.
I let go of the bike’s throttle and stepped back. Leave it to me to be gifted Jackie’s precious Arch, only for me to fucking break it while I took it out for one last drive. I didn’t have any tools on me either.
Of course it happened a good distance away from my apartment, down in Rancho Coronado. Of course it happened the day of my meeting with Hanako.
I’d gotten everything else in order, at least. Checked on the chip’s progress with Vik to make sure I had time to do it, too. Reunited Johnny with Kerry and the rest of Samurai. He got closure with Rogue. I got the chance to see everyone one last time. Well, everyone except for one. Saved the best for last, after all. River. If I couldn’t get this fixed soon, I’d have no time with him. That and I could miss my meeting with Hanako.
Johnny leaned on the bike’s seat. “If you took my Porsche, we wouldn’t be in this hot mess right now.”
Call me crazy, but I trust an ancient artifact less than a practically new, well-loved bike. I scanned it, trying to figure out what the hell was wrong. Maybe something came loose I could fix on the fly.
“’Least we got to drive my Porsche once. Never thought I’d see it again. Really didn’t like driving it?”
Never said that. Just, uh... has some... character.
“You can lead a horse to water, doesn’t mean shit.”
I inspected the throttle closely to see if I could see something out of place that my Kiroshis were missing.
“Just ditch it,” Johnny said. “We’ve got bigger fish to fry, V.”
I let out a huff. I am not abandoning Jackie’s bike!
“Then what’s the play here? Could be your life or the bike unless you’ve got any grand ideas.”
I didn’t respond because the answer was that I didn’t have a plan and Johnny probably already knew that. I stared at the engine, trying to figure out what I wanted to do next. Without those tools, there wasn’t much I could do anyway, even if I wanted to. Maybe I just needed to have it towed to a repair shop or call Delamain for a ride. Calling up the Rattler or the Caliburn would eat up too much time.
I heard a vehicle come to a stop next to where I was parked. I didn’t pay much mind to it as I initiated a call. The vehicle let out a couple of quick beeps, startling me. I looked up as I heard the window’s motor whir as it lowered. I hung up. It was just the man I was hoping to see.
“Fancy seeing you here,” River said from his truck with a smile. “Something goin’ on with the bike? I saw you tinkering with it as I drove up.”
“Keeps stalling,” I explained.
River closed his window, pulled forward, and parked in front of me. He got out and jogged over.
“Oh, fuck this. I’m out of here.” Johnny vanished.
“Show me,” River instructed.
I started the motorcycle up and then revved the engine while it was in neutral, causing it to die out.
“Think something’s wrong with the fuel maybe. It only happens when the engine revs. If I let it idle, it’s mostly stable,” I told him. “Mostly...”
River looked around. “You have any tools on you?”
I shook my head.
“How about we load her into my truck and take ‘er to Joss’s? I have tools there. We can work on it together... unless you have somewhere you need to be.”
“I’ve got some time. I have a contract I’m doing, but... it’s not ‘til tonight.” In other words, my meeting with Hanako.
“Then in she goes.”
River opened his truck’s tailgate and walked behind the bike to help lift it in. He glanced at the back of the bike and froze.
“Valentinos?” River said. “V, should I be worried about loading this into my truck?” He raised an eyebrow at me.
“Huh?” I remembered Jackie had “Valentinos” written across the back of it. I laughed. “Oh, no. Was Jackie’s.”
“Then let’s get this thing moving.”
We lifted it in together, me lifting the front of it. I ended up doing most of the lifting.
“For someone who’s dying, you’re pretty damn strong,” River joked.
“It was my chrome.” I shrugged.
“All that time at the gym just to get shown up by a bunch of wires and metal.” He chuckled and shook his head.
“You could get some too. It makes life a hell of a lot easier.” I shut the tailgate.
“Nah, not interested.”
We got in his truck and he started the engine up.
“Why not?” I buckled in.
“I’m worried I’d end up not feeling like myself.” River pulled away from the curb.
“The only chrome that made me feel that way was the fucking Relic. I respect your fears, though. Losing yourself is scary as hell.”
River grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze. “Did you meet with Hanako yet?”
“Not yet. I will soon.” Tonight.
River nodded and then looked over at me as he came to a stop at a red light. “Maybe you won’t lose yourself, you know? There’s a chance. You have a chance. A good one, too, like you said.”
I wasn’t sure if he was trying to comfort me or himself. “I know.”
I looked down at his chrome hand that was wrapped around mine. There was irony in it, after that conversation about implants. He must’ve gotten this one out of necessity.
“Did this one make you feel less like yourself?” I stroked the metal with my thumb.
He clenched his jaw. “Yeah. A little.”
“It’s still you. To me, anyways.” I gave him a reassuring smile and then lifted his hand to my mouth, kissing the cold knuckles.
He smiled back. “You might’ve liked the original better if you’d gotten to experience it.” He gave me a quick wink.
“Oh, you think so? It could go the other way around, y’know. Maybe this hand wouldn’t be so bad.”
River hid his widened grin with his 'ganic hand. His eye sparkled. If I knew complimenting his chrome hand made him that happy, I would've told him that every damn day. “What, you wanna take it for a spin sometime?”
“Sure, why not?”
The light turned green. The truck lurched forward as River accelerated back to speed.
“Fuck, V. You’re wild. I’ve never had a girl ask for that since I got it.”
“You’re just now realizing that about me?”
“I always knew you were, but you still surprise me sometimes. In a good way.”
“What even brought you to this part of town anyways? You aren’t taking up stalking, are you?” I raised an eyebrow.
River chuckled. “No. Got my first case as a PI. A woman’s brother went missing. I was just meeting with her. She lives in the area. Right place, right time.”
“Congrats! Don’t forget about me when you make it big, though.”
“I could never.”
I listened to the hum of the engine as the truck continued down the suburban streets of Rancho Coronado. “It’s funny you showed up when you did. Was lookin’ to visit you, but the bike broke down.”
“That so, huh? In that case, I’d call it fate I turned up when I did.”
“You believe in shit like that?”
“Sometimes I wonder. But I think we still have some things we still have control over. You were shot in the head while you had an experimental biochip in your head that revived you. Then yours truly found you, got you the medical attention you needed. What would you call that?”
“A big ol’ coincidence with a fuck-ton of luck.”
River laughed. “Well, to me, that’s fate.”
Rancho Coronado wasn’t too far from Joss’s trailer, so we arrived in only a few minutes. We unloaded the motorcycle and got to work tinkering with it—this time with actual tools. We put some tunes on a portable radio as we took the motorcycle apart and inspected it piece by piece. Dorian and Monique occasionally stopped their antics to ask us what we were up to and asked questions about the motorcycle. It ended up slowing us down a little, but I didn’t mind too much.
The whole time, I couldn’t stop thinking about what River said. I wasn’t sure if fate being a real thing terrified me or comforted me. It meant the big things were predetermined, like how things were going to turn out with the chip. Didn’t mean that those predeterminations were good. There was always the chance that they were, though.
The spark plugs looked good. The fuel lines looked good. The whole damn thing looked pristine. What the hell was wrong with it, then?
“I’m guessing it’s the throttle sensor. We should get a new one, try popping it in, see if that fixes it,” River suggested.
I nodded. “Since when do you know so much about motorcycles anyways?”
“Used to own one before the Mackinaw.”
“What happened to it?”
“Crashed it.”
“You owe me that story sometime.” I glanced at the sun that was starting to set. “Fuck, I’m runnin’ low on time. As much as I’d love to work on this more with you and find out how that chrome hand of yours feels, I really should be getting back to my apartment to get ready for that job.”
River nodded. “You can leave the bike here. I’ll get the part and fix it up for you while you’re out and about.”
“Thanks.” I glanced at the bike and then back at River. “If anything happens to me, you take care of ‘er for me, okay?” I felt my throat starting to close up. Shit. I was trying to keep a clear head.
“V...” He looked at the bike and then the ground. His eyebrows knit together.
“Riv, I’m serious. Although I have a good chance now, there’s also still a good chance that—“ My eyes started to water. “That no good will come of it either. I—We gotta be ready for that.”
River looked me in the eyes. “Why’re you saying all this like this is gonna be goodbye? You’re coming back. You hear me? You will come back.” He cradled the side of my face with his hand.
“River, we don’t know that. I’m getting worse and worse by the fucking day.”
River pulled me into a hug. He was squeezing me so tight I almost couldn’t breathe, but I still wanted him to hug me tighter. This was what I was trying to avoid.
“Let’s get you going, all right?” River wiped a tear from his eye with his thumb.
“Yeah.”
We both got in the truck. I leaned my head on his shoulder. We stayed silent for a good bit too. All we could do was take each other in as much as possible, try to soak in what it was like to be in each other’s presence, to feel each other’s warmth.
“Think you could tell me more about our lives in 15 years?” I finally croaked as we got closer to my apartment. I wrapped my arms around his.
River glanced at me and gave a sad smile. “Sure.” He took a deep breath and looked back at the road when the light turned green. “Hm, where to begin... Somehow that cat of yours is still alive and our kids love it. Sometimes we wonder if they love the cat more than they love us.” He let out a small laugh and rubbed my leg. “One of our kids looks more like me but has your sass. The other one looks more like you but has my stubbornness.
“We’re still close with Joss and her kids, even though they’re all grown up and figuring their own lives out. You and I, though, we still love each other so fucking much. Even when shit gets crazy, there’s nothing we would’ve changed. Still, when I look at you, I look at you like I’m the luckiest man alive.
“We still make the time to go on dates and when we do, everyone’s muttering about you, ‘cause they know who you are, that you aren’t someone to be fucked with, that you fucking rule this city. Meanwhile, they’re muttering about me ‘cause I’m the annoying former badge turned PI that gets in their way. And the best part? We’d still be fucking each other like it’s 2077.” He glanced at me with a grin.
I started to tear up again as I laughed. “I like that last bit. What else, Riv?”
“Sometimes we like to go to Reconciliation Park together ‘cause it’s like you’re in the middle of a forest instead of a bustling city. Sometimes we just sit there together in silence while the sun goes down, leaning on each other.”
The tears started spilling out of me. I was starting to regret asking him this, but I had to hear it. If I wouldn’t get to live this, I wanted to get as close as I could. “What would we do after?” My voice was shaky.
“We’d go to El Coyote Cojo and all your friends are there. You reminisce with them about old times passed over drinks and somehow, even after all those years, I still learn a new thing or two about you that your friends tell me.” River pulled into my apartment’s parking garage. My tears started falling harder onto his arm.
“Later,” River continued, “we’d come home and the kid that has your sass asks us for the millionth time when they’ll be old enough to drive that bike we were fixing up, but I’d tell them not ‘til they’re 50.”
Tears started to trickle from his 'ganic eye as he pulled into the parking spot by the Rattler. He fell silent after he put the car into park, still staring straight ahead. He was quiet long enough that I thought he was done.
His voice shook when he spoke again. "After a while, when it's time to turn in for the night, I kiss you and tell you sweet dreams and that I'll see you again in the morning. Then we'd have another day together again." River turned to face me. “You be careful out there, okay? And if you ever need anything, if anything happens, if anything changes... you tell me, okay?”
“Okay.”
He leaned in and kissed me. It was slow and lingering. I could tell he didn’t want me to go. I didn’t want him to either, but we didn’t have a choice.
I leaned my forehead onto his as I tried to choke the sadness down, just enough to stop crying. “I need to delta.”
River nodded and leaned back as he wiped his tears. “Don't ever stop showing the city who the fuck you are. And V?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you.”
I forced a smile. “Love you too.”
I opened his truck’s door and stepped out, but remembered something. I turned my head back to face him. It was time to tell him that shit I'd been putting off.
“One more thing.” I took in a breath. “I had Vik set up my biomon so it’ll notify you if... if I flatline. If that happens, it’ll send you my location too. I know this is a lot to ask, but...” Damn it, the tears started falling again. “You’re the only one who’s like family to me that hasn’t buried someone recently, so I didn’t know who else—”
I took in another shaky breath. I couldn’t bear to look him in the eyes right now. “No one else in NC knows my real name. If I die, I want my real name up in the Columbarium. It’s Valerie Davis. A-and you can... you can add whatever the hell else you want on there, about whatever it was I meant to you, what you thought of me. I don’t care, really. I just have that final request, okay?”
“V, babe, I...”
River got out of the driver’s seat and walked around to me. He wrapped his arms around me with some slack this time and buried his face in my neck. I could feel he had started to cry again too.
“If push comes to shove, I’ll do that. I promise,” he muttered. “But, V? I don’t know what the hell you’re planning on doing, but please make it out in one piece.”
River let go and gave me another sad smile. I wiped his tears away. He did the same for me. I wished wiping tears away was enough to undo the pain, but I knew it never would be.
That was what fucking sucked the most, not being able to do anything. If I wanted more eddies? I could run a job. If I wanted a new piece of iron? I could go to a gun shop. If I wanted to keep people I care about from getting hurt? There’s no store you can go to or job you can run for that.
“I’ll let you get to it then.” River's voice was tense. “I’ll have the bike waiting for you when you’re done.”
I nodded and gave him one more, possibly final kiss.
River got back into his car. I watched as he drove off while I waited for the elevator until his truck was out of sight. I knew this could be the last time I saw him, so I made sure to take advantage of every millisecond I got.
When I went inside my apartment, I took a shower and then tried to figure out what to wear. It probably didn’t matter, but I liked feeling like I had some kind of control. I pulled out my most corpo-esque dresses, laid them out on my bed, and stared at them. Which one would Hanako approve of the most?
Johnny appeared next to me. “Who gives a shit what that ‘Saka bitch thinks?”
“I just... gotta bad feeling things aren’t gonna turn out well.” I wasn’t sure if I was feeling a cold sweat now or if it was my damp hair dripping down my back.
“That’ll make you an’ me both. Could be a trap. Why bother going at all?”
I looked at Johnny. “’Cause it’s an option. The best one I got, should it go well. Need I remind you what happened to you last time you were at Arasaka Tower uninvited?”
“I let it go last time you brought that up only ‘cause I knew you were pissed off.”
“Got a point, though, don’t I?”
Johnny crossed his arms and sighed. “Then hurry the fuck up and let’s get this over with.”
I glanced back at the two dresses. I picked them up and put them away. Instead, I put on my favorite outfit, something that was me. I put on my makeup like I always did, styled my hair like I always did. I gave myself one more look in the mirror. Was I ready to do this? I suppose there was no avoiding it even if I wasn’t.
I walked out of the bathroom and sat on the couch. I ran my shaky hands through my hair and leaned forward. There wasn’t much time left before I had to go to Embers. Was this really the best play I had right now?
Johnny appeared in front of me. “Vik said we had time, but not this much time. You wanna frolic off in the sunset, pop out two and a half piglets, and whatever the fuck else, you gotta do something.”
“Johnny,” I croaked. “Could you do one more thing for me ‘fore I go?”
“Want me to take the steering wheel, call up Rogue?”
“No. Play me a song?” My lip trembled.
“A song, huh?” Johnny smiled slightly. “Sure. Which one?”
“’Never Fade Away’? And don’t even try an’ tell me that’s a cheesy choice.”
Johnny didn’t answer right away. “Nah. That’s a good one.”
He glitched in next to me on the couch and his guitar appeared. He leaned over it, took a breath, and the notes started playing. I closed my eyes and leaned back on the couch while I listened. I was glad he didn’t give me shit about my song choice. It was perfect.
Suddenly, I felt strings beneath my fingers again, like I did in the car that one day. Then flashes—a cheering crowd, fog machines, my bandmates on stage. No—Johnny’s bandmates on stage. Stage lights shining down, so bright they were almost blinding us—them. The kick drum thumped through my chest. All my fears were melting away, each note from the guitar giving me the strength to keep on going. Or was that Johnny? Fuck...
Johnny slowly stopped plucking the strings and looked up at me right as I opened my eyes.
“Something weird just happened,” we said in exact unison.
Johnny slowly stood up, the guitar’s neck in hand. It glitched away. “What was that, V?”
“Remember when you said my memories would come up for you automatically, like a reflex?”
Johnny squeezed his lips together and looked down. “Happened to you just now, didn’t it?”
I nodded. “Yeah. Some live performance of ‘Never Fade Away’. Samurai was all there and—”
“And stage lights so fuckin’ bright you couldn’t see shit?”
I stood up. “Yeah.”
“Was thinkin’ of that night too...”
“You felt invincible up there, on that stage. Didn’t you?”
Johnny rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah.”
“You were terrified of death then.” Then it hit me. “In fact, I haven't just been feelin’ my fear. You’re scared now too. Have been the whole time, just like anyone else would be.”
Johnny looked down. He didn’t deflect.
“’Never Fade Away’—you wrote it ‘cause you were scared. Was playing that song my idea, then, or... or yours?”
Johnny looked up and put his hand firmly on my shoulder. “Yours and don’t you dare think anything different, V. Might be getting closer to that 50% mark than we should be, though. Best get a move on.” He shoved me in the direction of my apartment door. “And V?” I looked over my shoulder at him. His arms were crossed and he was smiling at me. “All things considered, there’s no one else’s head I would’ve rather been trapped in.”
I smiled back. “Never thought I’d ever say this, but me too, Johnny. There's no one else I’d rather have back-seat drivin’ my life.”
I turned to face the front door again. Johnny was right. It was time I got focused. It was time I did something.
-R-
I got my hands on the part for V’s motorcycle on the way back to Joss’s. Now it was just a matter of installing it and hoping that was the issue, otherwise I’d be making another stop at the store.
I walked straight over to the motorcycle once I got back to the trailer. I wanted to keep busy, keep my mind off V as much as possible. Clearly something was going on with her and it seemed like it was going to decide her fate based on the way she was acting.
I still felt like I didn’t say enough to her before we parted. I didn’t do enough with her. I just wanted more time so fucking badly.
Dorian and Monique rushed over when they saw I was back.
“Where’s V?” Monique asked.
“She’s busy, had work to do,” I answered.
“When’s she coming back?” Dorian asked.
I clenched my jaw. Of course one of them had to ask that question. “I’m not sure. It could be a while. She told me she’s gonna be really busy.”
“I wanted to play ‘Big Trouble in Heywood’ with her again!”
“I’m sure she’d love to when she’s back.” I grabbed the tools I needed to remove the old sensor and got to work.
“Why was V crying earlier?” Monique asked. “It looked like she was crying. Did she get hurt fixing the motorcycle?”
I sighed. What the hell was I supposed to tell them? “No. She just was sad to say goodbye since she’s gonna be so busy with work. Said she’s gonna miss all of us but will try her best to see us again soon.”
As much as I hoped it was true, it felt like a lie when I said it. V didn’t seem so sure she’d be coming back from whatever the hell she was doing. The meeting with Hanako wasn’t what she was headed to, was it?
The sun was nearly below the horizon now. I was about to lose light.
“Could one of you grab me a flashlight?” I asked.
“I will!” Dorian volunteered.
“No, I will!” Monique objected.
“Race you to it!”
The two of them ran off. I sighed and rubbed my forehead. I wondered how Joss did it, how she took care of them even after her husband died. It must’ve been hard as hell. Trying to stay strong like this took a lot out of me. I tried to redirect my focus back to the bike. This I could at least fix.
Dorian ended up winning the race to the flashlight and brought it back to me proudly. With the new part installed, I started the bike up. It came on. I tried revving the engine. It responded just fine, no stalling or sputtering or anything. I was thankful my theory was correct. It was one less thing to worry about.
I checked my phone. There was nothing new, no new messages or missed calls. I opened my text thread with V. Motorcycle’s fixed, running like a dream now. You can come get her whenever you like.
A full day went by with no response. She never came to get the motorcycle. She never called. I didn’t sleep well that night. I didn’t sleep well the next night either. Then V finally reached out.
