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NOT FUNNY

Summary:

Henry hates it when Alex calls him the wrong title, and Alex hates it when he constantly bickers, so he decided to take him out and teach him a long lesson. Alex really shows off his dominate side while wearing our favourite outfits!! Let’s see where bickering and love making takes our favourite men….

Notes:

Hellooo loves, school has been a nightmare but here you are more filth writen by me. Sorry if it seems rushed I have little time to write anymore but wanted to get this out for CowboyTiedUp, thank you for basically wriring my fic for me I really appreciate you so much <333 And the title is based off of John Mulaney yelling “NOT FUNNY!” and it felt perfect in this setting 😻😻

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

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Tonight was a little different in the brownstone, tonight wasn’t as beautiful, erotic, amazing, incredible, sensual or sultry. Tonight the boy’s were fighting and bickering about the same topic they always seemed to land on even after being together so long they have a shared bank account. The ‘Your majesty’ debate.

“You bastard, how many times do I need to remind you it’s Your Highness to you, and please I’m really not in the mood for this tonight,”
“Well YOUR MAJESTY can you just stop correcting me for once and let me come inside of you,”
“Not anymore, only good boys get to come inside of the prince of england, and you’re not being a very good boy right now are you?” Henry was laid out on their bed while Alex stood holding his thighs by waist. As they argued his grip tightened marking dark finger marks all over Henry’s pale bright skin. Alex glared down at Henry with nothing but hunger in his eyes, he was so hungry for Henry it was driving him insane. The words just fell out if his mouth as horniness consumed him from the inside out, and he tried everything to get his darling prince to stop being such a conniving tease.
“I’m being a very good boy thank you now can we please carry on ‘Your Majesty’ come on you know you want too,” he was panting already and they hadn’t even properly started, but out of the blue Henry suddenly shot up, staring Alex dead on
“Absolutely not darling, not after you’ve called me the wrong title this many times, you’d have to kidnap me now to get me to have sex with you now.”. Henry was just if not more horny than Alex but he had wanted to teach this lesson to Alex for far too long now to give up the chance. So he took his thighs out of Alex’s tight grip, admired the red marks by gliding his hand up and down, took his clothes and left the bedroom smiling widely once out of Alex’s sight. Leaving him standing there. Shocked at what had just happened. After what seemed like years he looked into the mirror
“That british fuck is not getting away with this.” He started plotting his revenge right away.

The next few days were interesting, Since they were both getting more and more busy with work they hardly had any time to see each other, so it left them unable to finish pleasing each other from that night. Alex had announced to Henry that there was a surprise coming his way soon, well he had written a note on a piece of paper and left it on the fridge for Henry to read once he had woken up.
“Big surprise coming your way YOUR MAJESTY! God David, what will I do with your daddy?” David merely nudged his legs as he spoke down to him, Henry understood his answer right away. That night Alex had come home late to find Henry asleep on their couch seemingly waiting for him to arrive home. Alex felt bad for making him wait so long for him, but he had an idea to start off his surprise early. He gives David a little hello kiss and rubs his fur quickly before moving over to Henry and quietly picking him up and slowly taking him into their room, placing each foot lightly over their cold flooring, once he was comfortably placed down Alex gave him a soft kiss on his forehead. And as he starts to move away Henry starts to wake up, stretching out for his husband and rubbing his eyes
“Hey darling your home-” Alex moved back and kissed him hard which quickly turned into aggressive making out, they pushed at each others bodies trying to get as close to each other as possible, Alex moved his head down into Henry’s neck smelling his sweet fragrance as he starting nibbling
“So baby did you get my message,” Alex whispered as he nibbled harder after each word, letting every syllable roll off his tongue, all hoarse and slightly southern just the way Henry likes it.
“Loud and clear dear, so when will I find this surprise?”
“Soon enough, now here is what’s gonna happen tonight Your Majesty,”
“You absolute MENACE will you ever get my title correct?!?!” Alex unhooked his teeth out from his lovers neck, vampire style
“NEVER! So I’m going to tie you up tonight and gag you until every last piece of annoying white blond british bickering is out of your body and let me call you whatever I would like, how does that sound ‘Your Highness’,” Henry didn’t seem to catch that last part, simply staring into his husbands eyes in the moonlight
“Please it will take you years to fuck all the british bickering out of me dear, but as I said that night you’re going to have to kidnap me to have sex with you while your still calling me Your Majesty,” Henry’s face seemed a lot more calm and happier than his tone of voice and Alex could simply get off on how beautiful he looked right now, all soft and shiny. He adored this man so much. Same as that night he started to move away from Alex’s embrace until suddenly he felt himself getting shoved back onto the bed. They hadn’t turned any of the lights on only being able to see each other with the small light creeping out from the tiny space between the window and curtain but as Henry’s eyes were adjusting he felt Alex’s tight grip grab onto his wrists
“Alex,” Henry slightly moans
“You’ve been a real bad boy recently Henry time to learn a lesson,” Henry tried fighting back to grab Alex’s arms instead of his own but he couldn’t untwist himself fast enough. And now Alex had him exactly where he wanted him, trapped under his embrace.
“Now Your Majesty as I was saying before, I’m going to gag you while I fuck you hard then plug you up nice and full of my come, then you’ll get your surprise,?” “What’s your colour?” As much as he hated being called the wrong title, it was so beautifully, eroticly, amazingly, incredible seeing his husband act so dominant and strong with him. So keeping his face card lethal as always he replied
“Greener than the plug you’ll use on me.”

Alex took off their clothes and warmed up their bodies by staying as close together as possible, he took Henry’s wrists in one hand kissed them all sloppily and passionately before tying them up with his belt to make sure Henry couldn’t wiggle out, he placed them neatly above his head, pushed up his sleep shirt and returned to obliterating his neck and the rest of his body while tugging forcefully at his soft hair. Leaving heavenly bruises all over his pale body for himself. He bit hard leaving almost blood each time he pressed his teeth into Henry’s soft skin leaving Henry squirming, legs twitching each time, Alex moved slowly and tugged hard letting Henry feel every feeling and soak it all in, letting them both reach that euphoric point by simply being in each other's presence. He had reached Henry’s groyne and smiled an evil smile up to his husband. Henry wasn’t getting out of this alive. He licked over his waist making a full show of moving his tongue up down and all around the places that made Henry squirm the most, Alex didn’t lose eye contact with him for even a second, making it that much harder for his lover not to come immediately
“Alex please move faster,”
“I don’t remember saying you could speak,”
“I’m still a prince I can do whatever I would like,” Henry shoved his hips up trying to get his shaft near to Alex
“Oh baby you’re so desperate for my mouth aren’t you, such a slut you are for my dick aren’t you,” Henry groaned loudly as Alex pushed and shoved his index and middle finger down Henry’s mouth reaching the bottom of his tongue, he pushed himself up into the contact of his digits. Alex still maintaining his furious eye contact moved his sultry body down his lovers and started attacking his dick. Making a full mess of both of them. Swirling and wirling his tongue all around lapping up his saliva and Henry’s precome, he looked so blown out already. His hair sticking to his forehead and his own cock going purple at being neglected but he didn’t worry about that just yet, he needed to mess up Henry first. Just as he felt Henry twitching he moved his lips over to his groyne and moved to sit back up, Henry groaned loudly through Alex’s digits
“Baby I’m moving be patent,” He slid his fingers out and moved them slowly inside of Henry who screamed at the contact definitely waking up all of their neighbour, He rode his fingers briskly as Alex added more one by one, each time Henry squealed at the stretch, he loved this more than anyone would know. Once Alex was satisfied he immediately switched his fingers for his throbbing cock, which was wet with his precome. They both moaned loud and proudly as Alex moved his hips faster and faster, throwing his hands right back into Henry’s hair tugging aggressively as Henry moaned and groaned even louder somehow. They didn’t last very long and just as Henry screamed through his release Alex was right behind him slurping up his laid out come all over his stomach, kissing him more hostile than imaginable and plugging him up with their bright neon green butt plug at a rapid speed. Henry was too blissed out to even feel any of this happening, he was simply lost in the trance that is Alex. He woke up a little while later noticing that he and his lover were fully clean and tucked in all nicely, as if what happened was nothing more than a sexy dream.
“Hey baby how are you feeling,” Alex whispered into his ear making the goosebumps all over his body get chills
“I feel full of your come which is how I always want to feel love,”
“That’s amazing Hen, now sleep we have a big day tomorrow,”
“What’s tomorrow dear,”
“Your surprise, Your Majesty,” Henry was nervous and excited to figure out what his surprise was, but also way too tired to fight Alex and figure out what tomorrow was going to look like.
“You fucking bastard Alex!”

Alex was more than excited for today, him being ‘busy’ at work was just him frantically trying to finish all of his work so he had the weekend off to have romantic time with his husband. Who was in for a real treat. They loved going to Alex’s holiday house in Austin and whenever they felt they needed time off from the real world they always landed there. Soaking up the hot Texas sun. So Alex planned ahead calling Percy making sure Henry would be available for the whole weekend, calling all of his family members making sure there wasn’t going to be any surprise visits whilst they were naked walking around the property
“My nightmare of a brother what are you planning,”
“Oh nothing just a weekend away,”
“You both are there more times than the sun has rotated around the earth, you practically live there now!”. However this trip he didn't do this to be any normal trip, he wanted this trip to be unheard of, something that would never he lived up too. Luckily he had given himself way more time than necessary to scheme up…
“Alex why am I blindfolded I know we are in Austin,”
“Would you shut up for one second your Majesty, I thought I fucked all this bickering out of you guess I need to teach you another lesson,” Henry could feel his pants getting tighter but didn’t give in so easily
“Darling while the sex was amazing you could never get rid of my traits by simply fucking me and not letting me take the plug out until I’ve ‘Learned my lesson’. Been done to death darling, but I did say you’d need to kidnap me to fuck me so nice to see you living up to that,” Alex was shocked at how much Henry could get him hard by simply talking, he loved their bickering and loved arguing with Henry over god knows what, it seemed to become their favourite pass time and even made their sex better. As he felt his balls getting more and more full he glides his hands over his thighs and digs his fingers into the marks he made before, almost like he was gloating how dominant he was. Henry’s breath hitched and looked over at Alex even though he couldn’t see
“Alex please if you touch me any more I’ll come right here in the car,”
“Who said that was a bad idea,”
“Alex-” Henry was cut off at the pressure of Alex’s rough huge hands rubbing at his groyne and dick over his jeans, he moaned softly at the pressure and rocked into it, letting himself fall right back into the bliss of his husband, Alex kept rubbing harder and harder as he drove down the long road, each bump or crack in the road left Henry screaming at the pressure against his arse.
“You're gonna come for me Your Majesty huh! You're gonna come for me blindfolded in the car! Such a whore you are for my fingers aren’t you,” Henry couldn’t reply with anything but loud moans, and just as the pressure was getting too much and he felt himself twitching about to go over the edge Alex moved his hands, without any warning moving his hands back to the steering wheel turning them into their holiday house
“ALEXXX you’re taking the piss!” Henry shouted panting and moving his arms to push Alex in his seat, Alex giggled so adorably and innocently as he moved his hands back to brush Henry’s hair out of his face, breaking the car so hard Henry almost flung forward in his seat, moaning loudly as the force from the push went right to the plug shoved up him. He cried out loudly. Alex quickly jumped out of the car and threw their bags into the house leaving Henry alone in the car for a second to recollect himself.
“Ready to go inside baby,” Alex asked candidly as if he didn’t tease the living shit out of Henry just seconds prior, Henry stared up at Alex’s voice still panting
“Darling nothing will ever convince me to stop fighting with you, fuck and tease me as hard as you would like,” Hate sex, Alex’s new favourite.
“Ah well Your Highness, you’re going to have a long weekend being a slut for me,” Alex said in his sultry Texan accent, leaving Henry at a loss for words again forgetting that Alex said the correct title.

Henry loved the feeling of being in texas, the heat and the smell filled him up so beautifully each time he stepped into the house, simply placing his feet on the pavement outside leaves him feeling all warm and fuzzy, especially towards Alex, it’s almost like this house making his feelings for his husband become a thousand times more vibrant. Today was no different his scenes more heightened since he had lost his sight, he could still smell and feel everything as Alex leaded them through the house and into their safe space
“Just know I love you so much baby,”
“I love you too Alex,” They softly spoke into each other's mouths as Alex placed their bodies closer together not leaving even a centimetre of space between them, it felt much more soft and beautiful than anything they had been doing recently and they both appreciated the small reassurance of love. Soon after they had done being sappy Alex moved back, both upset with the loss of the other's touch.
“Alright darlin it’s time for the real event, here’s the plan, I’m going to unblindfold you so you can change into your outfit then I’m going to take you outside blindfold you tie you up again and fuck you so hard and firmly that you forget your own name. So you’ll have to let me call you Your Majesty. How does that sound,” Henry could feel both Alex’s come and drooling come oozing out of him involuntarily, just the thought of him being so vulnerable and open for his lover made him almost come in his pants again, he was still hard and slightly tranced out
“Sounds like heaven dear, but let’s see how hard you’ll have to go to make me forget anything,’ Henry felt a wide smirk creep up on his face and he knew without even seeing that Alex was reciprocating that same smirk, they were still in sync even with Henry blindfolded. Alex moved his body back into Henry’s space and made a scene of undoing the blindfold on Henry’s face, the same colour of his plug which Alex felt was a small yet important element to add to this fuck session. Once their eyes locked again they stared down at each other's lips and started making out, feeling the taste of the other on their tongues moaning as Alex started pressing his fingers down on the hickies on Henry’s chest. They tangled up into each other for so long they almost forgot the initial plan of the evening. Henry moved his lips away softly
“Let me get ready for you now love,”

Of course he looks over to see his polo outfit since they both had a huge thing for the other in their previous uniforms, the sex that they had been having since new years in these outfits has been astronomical and both Alex and Henry craved it ever so often. Henry didn’t even think twice before placing himself inside of his tight uniform, his abs and erect cock practically shoving out on display, and he couldn’t help but admire himself in the bedroom mirror as he moved his hands all over his own body touching the marks on his smooth skin, he pressed down to remind himself who he belonged to. Cowboy Alex.
“Ready for me poloboy!”
“Coming cowboy,”
“Hey not without me sugar,”
“Your such a menace,” Henry yells out as he enters the living room where Alex is standing wearing his incredibly attractive showing off his seductive build, plump arse, erection blooming out of his tight bootcut jeans, t-shirt half open to seduce Henry even more, the stetson Henry loved placed ever so slightly on Alex’s head and he couldn’t help but devour him with his eyes. He wishes that they weren’t playing this game with each other so he could have been the one dissecting his lover of all his clothes and fucking him raw all over the house.
“Liking what you see baby, because it’s the last sight you’ll see for quite some time so take it all in,” Alex pretends to take a big deep breath in and out and Henry rolls his eyes widely as he moves closer to his lover, simply staring into his deep brown eyes letting himself drown inside.
“All I see is some rowdy cowboy ready to place his slutty cock inside of my princely arse,” Alex loves that Henry is keeping up the facade with him it makes it all so much more exciting and arousing
“Then let’s begin, ladies first,” Alex slapped Henry’s arse as he moved out the back doors into the heat of the night, Henry gawked back, pushing his lover back almosting making him fall over his cowboy boots. He laughed loudly as he felt the heavy weight of his boots as he placed himself in the centre of the yard taking in everything; the sound of the birds tweeting in the sky, the cars zooming around the property, the head burning through his clothes even though it was close to night time, the erect bulge in his pants growing more and more as time passed, he could still feel the plug pushing into him and as time past it started to feel more apart of his body. Henry didn’t wish to be anywhere but here. Alex admired his husband for a second watching him look so normal and adorable, not at all looking like he had a plug inside of his or was gagged silly the night prior, he purely looked like Henry. His beautiful Henry. He brought out his lasso but wasn’t planning on using it just for decoration and threw it down by Henry's feet to tease him a little more
“Lay down for me babydoll,” As Henry’s back hit the spiky grass he took a deep breath and placed his hands above his head before Alex had to even ask.
“Such an obedient little slut you are Your Majesty,” Henry had to physically shake his head around a couple of times to try shake off the orgasm he new was close, meanwhile Alex moved down kissing his neck passionately under Henry’s ear knowing that will make him go even crazier, as Henry cried out Alex took his head and kissed each eyes before he tied his eyes with the same blindfold as earlier then tying his wrists together and kissing up both his arms before adding another garment to Henry’s face. A ball gag. Henry would never expect it, and as he slid it over Henry's glossy face it slid perfectly where it needed to, like a puzzle piece fitting perfectly. Alex smiled. He loved this man so much. He laid him back down over the grass and started undoing his own pants swiftly, pulling them off his legs fully and giving himself a quick bit of relief while he toyed with the growing erection over Henry’s tight pants, leaving them both already moaning all over each other. Once he felt half satisfied he moved his lips back down to his neck continuing to toy with his neck, placing his lips right back to all the right places, Henry moaning through the gag as much as he could throwing his head back to give his lover more room as his speed rapidly increased. Alex pushed Henry’s tight shirt above his chest over his arms and by placing the belt on his wrists he made sure to push the cloth through the hickies and bruises making him squirm and huff each time, Alex took in every sweet noise that came out of Henry’s mouth. He then moved his hands over to Henry’s pants and the same way as before he slowly pushed down his tight pants down to rest on top of his thick polo boots, he kissed the skin of his groyne and thighs as he moved down his legs, now spotting the plug still inside of Henry as he lifts his legs up to give Alex access. He moans loudly at the sight of it and quickly moves his attention towards it. Alex places himself between Henry’s body and places one hand on his open shoulders, making Henry shudder at the contact, and other hand glazing over the plug teasing Henry for a little while longer
“Hhhnnnggg,”
“Such a bloody slut for me aren’t ya, I’m moving I’m moving,” Alex however just kept playing around with the plug like the menace he is.

After what had seemed like a full eternity Alex stretched his arm over to grab the pocket lube and drizzle it all over Henry’s throbbing hole and pulling out the plug stretching Henry out as much as he could, hearing Henry screaming loudly made him know he was moving in the right track, so in a hurry he replaced it with his long fingers still feeling how open and still full of his come Henry is, his own cock throbbing hard in his pants. He moved back and forth slowly feeling his husband fully around his digits using the lube to help him push all the way down to his knuckles, Henry moaning louder and louder as Alex’s magical fingers moved in tandem with the hand on his shoulder which is moving down his body to push on the still ripe bruises and play around with his hair. Alex always made sure to use his hands as much as he could when he played around with bondage with Henry letting Henry know at all times that he is there to love and support him, let him know he will never let go. As the pressure from his fingers increased he decided to try make his husband come even harder, so whilst still moving his fingers he moves his mouth down to capture is throbbing erection which has gone almost purple and seeming to almost combust right there, Alex starts by licking up and down leaving Henry throwing his head back and forth even more, Alex licked around a little more getting around to his balls too coating them fully in his saliva and some of Henry’s precome then moved back to the tip where he toyed around licking at the slit, he knew every trick in the book on how to give his husband the most wild sex ever and he knew he was doing an incredible job when the twitching started almost instantly. Alex moved his other open hand to hold down to Henry’s waist to give himself more access to push and suck deeper. The movement didn’t last long until Henry was coming hard all over Alex’s face leaving him with a full creampie and heavy glistening tears rolling ferociously down his face as Alex moved back and forth through the aftershocks. Alex moved the gag from his mouth and kissed him sweetly tasting the salty tears and Henry’s thick come coating his mouth making him feel very slutty and sexy
“How are you feeling baby,”
“Wonderful dear but I fear I can’t move,”
“Do you think you can go for another round in a second,”
“Alright yeah but I will pass out after,”
“That’s what I want too darlin,”. Alex buttoned his pants and moved to the kitchen to get Henry some water, and give him a small break from all the movement. Once Henry seemed ready again Alex got right back to action placing himself right back in the same position he was in and spraying lube all over his hard cock, which was still going purple from the lack of fiction, Alex kissed Henry again lightly and moved over to tease his ear
“Watch you forget your name now, Your Majesty!” Before Henry could bicker back Alex quickly moved the gag right back into his mouth and moved himself inside of Henry who was still open and wide from before. They both groaned in unison and quickly got to thrusting, Alex pressed down all over Henry’s body, tugging at his ear, placing his hand over Henry’s neck and letting his lips go absolutely wide as if Henry was the canvas and Alex the artist, leaving his mark wherever he paints.
“Come on poloboy I know you want it,”
“Hnnngggg,” Henry still feeling as soft and smelling as sultry and exhilarating as ever and all the blood in his body was pushing its way into his dick which he was shoving into Henry hard and fast, Henry couldn’t even moan simply making a cry sound at every thrust every push, it was more than music but like a mantra to Alex each time he heard it he moaned louder and louder and let the ache of his almost bursting ball consume his whole body. They both entered trance state at the same time as Alex’s thrusts slowed down a little and became a little more romantic and a little more gentile, Henry started to feel warm again, started to feel the grass under him again. He started to bob back and forth to the rhythm of the thrusts and started pushing back forcing Alex to move faster to match Henry’s new found energy. It wasn’t long after when Alex started pushing his lips over that certain place on Henry’s neck where he had left the most devilish love bite and Henry thrusted up so hard that they both couldn’t take it anymore and in unison came all over each other. It got all the way down to their boots. Alex laughed and moaned loudly through the aftershocks
“Yes Your Highness YESS!” he noticed as Henry started to drown into pure bliss, he slowly removed every garment and kissed each and every spot that was tied down. He cleaned them up with his shirt that was full of sweat and took off their boots, leaving them both much lighter. He laid down next to Henry and smiled up into the midnight sky.

They had somehow been at it for half a day but Alex still felt he could go for more. As Henry started to wake up he placed his body over Alex’s and started kissing him slowly feeling every detail of his lips
“Mornin baby how do you do,” Alex mixed half british half southern
“I feel so alive Alex, I don’t know how you do it,”
“I’m a magical cowboy and your my slutty poloboy,”
“I’m your Majesty aren’t I,”
“Um, actually it’s your Royal Highness. I don't know how many times I have to tell you that!” Alex turned them over and started kissing Henry the same way they did that night at the presidential dinner, the memories flooding back to them both as they signed into each other once again.

The next day they lounge around the house together kissing in random places and laying out in the Texas sun, uniforms spread out outside reminding them of the fun they had, and how much they want to do it again and again and again.

Notes:

YAYY UR BACK TO REALITY, I love hearing your feedback and comments and kudos are very appreciated and loved by me. Hope you all have an amazing week and stay tuned for more RWRB and SHAMELESS content !! LOVE UU

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