Work Text:
jungkook has a cute round face, chubby cheeks and huge doe eyes. he has an even more beautiful smile, and two front teeth that peek out like a rabbit. namjoon wonders how smooth his cheeks are, imagines himself pinching them between his two fingers and then looks around. his classmates are talking, laughing and throwing paper balls around. he shrugs off the thought. it’s weird.
but he can’t help himself. once he sees jungkook, he’s all he can see. in the corridor, after school skipping home, eating in the corner with the girls of his class, playing on the ground from his seat near the window, talking to cats in the alley and helping the homeroom teacher. he also sees jungkook getting pushed down and pulling himself up as if it’s nothing, teased and made fun of, whining when his things get thrown around the class and still not reporting it to the teacher. namjoon merely sees, not wishing to be more than a spectator.
but he can’t help himself. jungkook smells of baby soap and oranges, dresses in cute overalls with flowers all over them, carries around his pink and white handkerchief and plays neolttwigi. namjoon would never do that. it’s brave however, he thinks, unlike the other boys in his class. if jungkook likes it, he likes it. so what if the boys make fun of him, he isn’t afraid to show others his true self. it’s also a bit stupid and does him more harm than good because no one talks to a freak.
that doesn’t stop namjoon from following jungkook after school. when he’s sure there’s none of his classmates in sight, he leaves with his assignment in hand after the boy even if his house is on the opposite side. where the road divides into two, he’s supposed to go to the other side but his feet take the other path instead. ten steps behind, namjoon silently walks after jungkook. the boy’s loudly humming a song he can’t recognize, hopping every five steps or so. it’s cute. he finds himself smiling.
but jungkook turns around. his smile drops.
the sun’s up head so it’s hard to watch his face without squinting his eyes. with one hand on his forehead, blocking the harsh sunlight, namjoon’s first thought upon seeing the boy smile is to scurry away, hide behind the tree or run away. but then jungkook says excitedly “do you want to see a place?”
in that moment, namjoon doesn’t remember what prompts him to nod so hastily as if it’s the only chance he’ll ever get. he clutches the hem of his shirt, balling his hand into a fist and nods once more. jungkook beams.
the abandoned train compartment is hauntingly beautiful, with a rusty engine at the front and seats in the back coated in dust while the windows are dirty with mud, leaves and droplets of water. from the outside, it looks nothing as nice as it does from outside, years of standing still leaving it nothing more than a piece of metal. overgrown branches, the white top turned to brown and red, debris from the side of the mountain fall on it but the more beautiful part is the field around it, covered with grass long enough to reach their knees and small flowers sprouting between them. at the end of a huge green field that doesn’t conclude in sight is a locked gate.
the path, however, is a whole different journey. crossing the dark tunnel which used to be a train track leaves his shoes caked with mud. it’s a good thing there are no animals around here. “how did you find this place?” he asks. the door to the compartment is a little jammed but it opens after a few harsh pulls to the dark inside, hollow and devoid of any signs of life. except jungkook, there’s no one around in a mile’s radius and he feels at ease.
jungkook seems relaxed as well but when does he not. “i have plenty of time after school. i get bored at home when i’m alone. isn’t it nice?”
they walk towards the middle, the sound of footsteps echoing “why are you home alone? you don’t have siblings?”
“nope.” he answers, keeping his bag down on one of the seats. namjoon does the same, surprised that only the one where they’re about to sit is clean. “what about your mother? doesn’t she worry?”
“my appa said that eomma left because i’m sick. i have pig’s brain.”
“pig’s brain?” he doesn’t know if it’s possible to have a pig’s brain but jungkook doesn’t look like he’s lying or kidding. he says it so seriously and hums “because i have a pig’s brain, i’m a monster but appa says he’ll cure me. it hurts a lot but it’s okay.”
when namjoon thinks about it, jungkook is indeed a little different than other boys. he doesn’t like wrestling or pulling girls’ pigtails, talking about action figures or how to impress girls, rather he likes making pigtails and hanging out with the girls. what kind of sickness makes people do that?
“how does he cure your sickness?”
“sometimes he slaps me very hard and sometimes appa hits me with a stick. he said it’ll make me better so i try not to cry but it hurt a lot. i won’t get better until it really hurts.” jungkook sighs.
namjoon’s heart goes a little cold but he says nothing about it, growing uneasy at the sudden confession but he doesn’t have words to offer, unsure if it’s comfort that jungkook needs. he says it carelessly as if it’s the most normal thing in the world. the best namjoon can offer is curiosity “how did you know you are sick? did you go to a doctor?”
jungkook shakes his head “i want to marry a boy. only people who are sick because of a pig’s brain do that. appa told me not to tell anyone about it and don’t worry it won’t spread as long as i don’t touch you.”
he can do that. but he doubts if a sickness because of a pig’s brain can spread through contact. moreover, namjoon doesn’t know why he told him about the sickness if no one else knows about it.
“do you want to decorate it?” jungkook asks, pointing to the walls. that would be nice so he nods and opens his backpack to take out the colored papers. they talk a lot until the sun is down. namjoon realises jungkook is as bright as he looks, the colour yellow bleeding from his clothes, around him, his words and laughter. they become friends.
the problem with being friends with jungkook is that they can only be friends in secret. namjoon remains a spectator while his classmates continue to bully the boy. he feels guilty more than anything but he doesn’t want to be treated the same way. so namjoon bargains the silence for peace. it’s selfish. namjoon feels like a monster.
he brings extra food the next day with some tangerines, ignoring his mother’s curious look. “do you like it?” he asks, offering jungkook half of it. the boy happily nods “i like it when they’re sweet.”
“me too.” watching jungkook bite into the soft flesh of the fruit and grin wide at the taste makes him feel happy. it’s weird the way his heart calms down at his praise of the fruit. he peels another one for him, one half for the boy and the other for himself. jungkook sings a song about tangerines “they’re the best.” he says, grinning.
the next day he packs extra food as well, adding grapes along with tangerines. his mother concerningly puts a hand on his forehead, apron fastened around her waist “are you well? that’s a lot of food for one person.”
it’s a little annoying. he shrugs her hand off, lying through his teeth while looking down at the yellow lunchbox in his hand “i feel hungry after school.”
“but you didn’t like tangerines?” she inquires further. that’s right but jungkook says that they are the best. he stomps back to his room, shoving the two boxes into his bag while his mother yells from the kitchen “did i say something wrong? eomma’s sorry.” and tries not to think why he wants to impress his friend who laughs at any and everything.
the class is bustling. he sits on the last bench beside the window. namjoon’s aware he seldom smiles with the people who are ‘friends’ with him in school but when jungkook makes a joke about some animal, he smiles at him from afar. the girls laugh, patting him on the back and telling him he’s the best in their group. a hand around his neck brings him back to the full scene in front of him, lips turning down almost immediately. sieun pulls a chair to sit down beside him “why are you looking at them?” he asks and namjoon grows cold, anticipating the worst “is it hyori? she’s so pretty. her eyes are so huge.”
his shoulders droop and promises himself not to do that ever again.“do you have extra chocolate?” namjoon replies instead. it seems to distract sieun from the previous conversation entirely. he defensively hides the bar behind him “no way dude. i’m not giving it to you. i bought it for hyori.”
later while walking to jungkook’s house to keep his stuff away, he hands him a poorly divided chocolate “hyori gave the half to me and i ate half of it. thank you for the tangerines yesterday.”
“it was nothing.”
namjoon takes a bite of it despite the mess it makes, smearing near his mouth and on his lips. jungkook hands him his handkerchief to clean it off. it faintly smells of the baby soap jungkook smells of. he doesn’t ask anything and hands it back after cleaning off the chocolate. “when i get home i’ll wash it with my soap. appa wouldn’t like it if he knew i gave it to you.”
“you’re not supposed to wash it with the same soap you bath.” namjoon softly says. “it won’t clean the same as with a detergent soap.” it seems like a revelation to jungkook who gasps, eyes wide “is that so?”
jungkook’s house, as expected, is quiet with stuff littered around, clothes thrown haphazardly and dirty dishes in the sink. he opens the door, picks up the clothes and throws them into a bunch in the laundry basket, kept near the couch and then puts his bag down “would you like some water?” he asks namjoon who stands at the entrance, hands holding tightly onto the strap of the bag. the breeze-like tone of the boy contrasts the circumstances he seems to live in, always so carefree and sweet. he shakes his head.
“i’ll get my bicycle then. just a minute.”
the world seems happier somehow, sitting on the backseat of jungkook’s yellow bicycle as he tries his best to pedal through the town. he laughs out loud. it feels like he’s on the top of the world but instead of being alone, jungkook is there with him. every time the boy loses his balance, unable to carry the two of them at the same time, namjoon puts his foot down to prevent them from falling. jungkook, of course, complains but it’s with another laugh as if it’s the funniest thing in the world “you’re so heavy. my legs might give up.”
“you need to have strong legs kookie.” namjoon replies back, holding onto jungkook’s seat. “let’s go on for a little longer. you can be as strong as power rangers.”
“strong enough to impress girls?”
namjoon feels a little taken aback at the question. ideally, girls like strong boys who can pick up heavy stuff, have multiple bruises on them and hike without huffing but it’s different for jungkook, he assumes and ponders for a little while. “no. strong enough to go up the hill with me.”
it’s hot but they’re not dripping sweat, the breeze keeping them cool. jungkook pedals on a little harder, the path going uphill and says in the same whiny tone but it’s not a complaint “namjoon that’s so hard. i can’t do it.”
“of course you can silly! keep going.” he encourages.
“it’s unfair.”
yet they keep going, smiling and laughing all the way to the train. instead of going inside the compartment, however, jungkook leads them up to the hill and on the other higher side where they stand on top of the train and hop over the twigs and branches growing on the white train roof. even though it was sunny on the way, the high trees here block the sunlight, keeping the area cool. the bicycle’s parked at the entrance of the forest from the road.
“what’s your favourite colour?” jungkook asks “mine’s golden and silver.”
they walk with their hands spread out, carefully balancing their bodies on top of the thin line while namjoon asks, turning back to look at jungkook “why are they your favourite colours?”
“they’re pretty to look at. when i’m a grown-up, i will have golden hair or maybe silver.” namjoon imagines him with a silver mob of hair and laughs at how funny it looks. jungkook pouts “the lady in the face cream commercial has silver hair and she looks so pretty. i want to look that pretty too.”
“you look pretty with brown hair too.” he admits. when the sun shines down on him, they look like they’re glowing, covering his forehead and long enough to entangle his fingers in them. “my favourite color is blue.”
the next day, jungkook wears blue overalls, except the beige shirt covered in blue flowers all over and blue shoes. he sees him at the school entrance, swirling, jumping and humming a song while walking. “good morning” the boy says as soon as he sees him, waving towards him. namjoon smiles, running towards him “good morning kookie.”
“what time did you sleep last night?” jungkook asks. they walk side by side.
“ten. i played video games for so long.”
“i went to sleep at three am.” jungkook says with a grin, proud of himself and giggling.
namjoon’s eyebrow shot up “why that late?”
“sleeping is boring.”
“sure is.”
“do you-“ jungkook, unable to complete the sentence, falls on the ground while namjoon stands still beside him, taken aback but when he looks back, it makes sense. his classmate, seongho, just pushed jungkook to the ground and snickers at his action “weirdo!” he yells, looking down at him. the right thing would be to help him get up but instead, namjoon stays frozen to the spot while seongho wraps an arm around his shoulder “why are you talking to a freak?”
he feels a lump in his throat but starts walking when his classmate does so, not looking back even once and letting his heart get consumed in the guilt ever-present since he’s made friends with the boy. behind him, he hears the teacher asking jungkook if everything’s alright. “i just fell down.” jungkook lies as the teacher helps him up.
he and jungkook are assigned as in charge of musical instruments for the week so of course, the teacher asks the two of them to put away the equipment after practice. namjoon is excited because he can talk to jungkook after a whole day of watching him from afar but when they are alone in the store room, where the most fascinating stuff is kept, he’s nervous about someone walking in and seeing them talk. so namjoon shuts the door behind him.
“here” says jungkook, opening a packet of candies and namjoon holds out his hand. that’s when jungkook’s hand brushes against his and he tenses up. they’ve never held hands before and isn’t sure if that’s what friends do but technically isn’t hand-holding. he tells himself it’s normal. mostly, he’s surprised at himself for reacting the way he does, heart speeding up. what’s going on
jungkook must notice his body language because he softly reassures “they’re not dirty. i didn’t touch them so you won’t catch my disease.”
namjoon feels cold “it’s not- not that.” it’s sad jungkook thinks like that. “what about your disease?”
“i told you. i have a pig’s brain.”
“is it possible to have a pig’s brain?” he asks after swallowing them down. some of it falls onto the floor so he crouches down to pick it up. it’s not allowed to have snacks during class time and if anyone finds out, they will be in trouble. jungkook leans over, running his fingers through namjoon’s hair gently. they’re long and soft, covering his forehead as well as neck but the moment he touches them, the only thing namjoon is aware of is the ghost of jungkook’s fingers carding through them and hates the way he feels. it’s bittersweet. he feels his breath hitch, his heart speeding up like he ran a marathon, face getting hotter. it’s a feeling he loves. but hates that jungkook makes him feel that way. he’s a boy.
“i’m glad i have you as a friend. i thought i wouldn’t make friends with anyone in the class this year as well. it’s a relief.” the boy admits, standing back up. namjoon feels angry “we’re friends but don’t talk to me in class.” he doesn’t want to end up being treated the same as him.
jungkook doesn’t say anything as he stands up, then nods “okay. i won’t talk to you.”
“thank you.”
later that night as namjoon stands in front of the mirror, the only thing on his mind is the feeling of jungkook’s hands on his hair, so soft and gentle. he hates how it makes him feel because he isn’t supposed to like a boy. is he getting sick too? is it because of the hair? namjoon cuts off his hair.
the classmates aren’t easy on jungkook. they make fun of him, throw trash on his desk and mess with his belongings. but today, they’ve taken it too far. as soon as jungkook enters the classroom, they surround him in a circle while namjoon’s seated at his desk. “why don’t you make fun of chaeyoung?”
“i can’t say what i don’t think.” he replies honestly “i don’t think she’s an ugly face monster.”
“why do you keep defending the girls?” seungho snickers “are you a girl?” the teasing starts once again as everyone erupts into laughter, making fun of jungkook’s ‘feminine’ appearance and he looks tired instead of annoyed or angry. a minute later, a comment about his lips gets passed on and the crowd starts chanting ‘kiss kiss kiss’ jungkook’s trapped between them, seungho holding him by his shoulders as he forces him to move towards chaeyoung, pushing him further and further. he’s uncomfortable, trying to stand still but it’s useless and pushes his head to the side “stop!” no one comes forward to help like usual.
namjoon remembers jungkook being happy they’re friends and he knows he already told him that no one else can know about their friendship but he can’t let that happen in front of his eyes. it’s not fair that jungkook is bullied and he’s just a spectator so he stands up and pushes his desk down, clearly diverting the attention away from the boy and onto himself. the chants stop, so does the laughter as everyone stares at him. namjoon pushes down another desk and it falls onto the ground with a loud noise. the boys are amused by the show.
the teacher enters and yells at the scene in front of him “namjoon! what are you doing?” and immediately grabs a hold of him to stop the boy during which his nose collides with the teacher’s elbow. as blood drips down onto the floor from his hurt nose, he feels more happy than in pain at jungkook’s knowing smile.
it’s worth the punishment.
when jungkook’s shoes are thrown in the dustbin, he walks back home in just his socks. namjoon lends him one of his sneakers. it’s a size big but better than nothing. they both hop on one foot. “the lady at the old bookstore is a little scary but she gives me cola when i go by.” jungkook says.
“you are for real?” the lady’s kind but to give out free cola? it’s maybe because jungkook is the cutest. he would give out free cola to him as well.
jungkook nods “wanna see?”
and when he goes back home in just one of the sneakers, his mom is suspicious. so namjoon lies “i just lost it.”
they have grown into a routine of going to the abandoned train compartment after school on their bikes, parked on the side of the road. jungkook recites names of flowers as they walk towards the tunnel. “my mom said girls don’t like boys who know the names of flowers.” it’s not very manly after all because flowers aren’t supposed to interest boys. but jungkook isn’t concerned about girls liking him so it doesn’t bother him “do boys who like flowers are freaks then?” namjoon doesn’t think so. maybe he should but he doesn’t “and girls like receiving flowers a lot. chaeyoung likes begonia hyori likes azalea and mina likes carnations.”
“what do you like?” namjoon finds himself asking. it’s supposed to be just curiosity,
“primroses.”
they stop right in front of the tunnel. it’s dark with no light in sight and despite being here before, namjoon’s a little scared. being in the dark is scary. however, jungkook skips over the stone and pulls out his yo-yo, the one he’s always swinging around. “well girls don’t like boys who are scared of the dark.” he giggles at namjoon’s hesitation. of course, he won’t admit but it’s easier when jungkook leads the way.
when they reach the train compartment, jungkook asks “you didn’t tell anyone about it, right?”
“of course not. it’s just for the two of us. anyone else will spoil it.” just imagining seungho, minho or jaehyun here gives him a headache.
jungkook beams “our secret.”
that’s what they name it, the words scribbled on a cardboard cut out in the shape of an arrow. they eat garlic bread because jungkook told him yesterday he was craving some and grapes. they draw stars and jungkook shows him how to make things without using a scissor and glue. “it’s origami.” he says, demonstrating patiently. the stars he makes are not as good as the boy’s, so he gives up after a while and instead takes on making planets.
“it’s like a little universe.” he says when they’re done, looking at the decorated train. the planets, stars and moon hang from the ceiling as well as pasted on the window. it gets wet so they will have to redraw it again. jungkook brings fairy lights as well so the moment they light it up using the battery, their secret place becomes a secret heaven.
playing games is the most fun. “who’s the monster?” they both sing, holding up the flashcard on the forehead so the other can guess based on hints. “who’s the monster?” namjoon sings. jungkook gives him hint “it has an amazing talent.”
“does it fly?”
“no” he disagrees. “when it’s attacked, it stops feeling so it doesn’t hurt and lies down.”
it’s oddly familiar. “am i jeon jungkook?” because that’s what he does all the time. “it’s not a talent.” the pain just mounts up into a mountain but he wouldn’t know because he’s not in his place. he doesn’t want to be because he’s not as good as jungkook in handling the pain of being an alien. an alien who is different from everyone else with no one to relate to and no one to make friends with.
jungkook laughs.
they play train later, running into the green field without anything to stop them. “why don’t you tell kim seosaengnim about the boys? he’ll listen to you.”
“it’s okay. he’ll say i’m not a man enough.”
“because of pig’s brain?”
jungkook agrees. namjoon thinks he should still tell him “i don’t think you have a pig’s brain though. your appa’s wrong” it’s just not possible. he had asked eomma about it and jungkook is just a little different, not sick.
“when my eomma found out i have a pig’s brain, she left. she didn’t want a baby sick with pig’s brain but my appa is kind. he says he’ll cure me so she comes back.” the other day namjoon saw a burn on his arm and it looked ugly. he doesn’t bring it up.
jungkook and namjoon get into a fight. technically not a fight but to keep up his persona, he tackles jungkook to the ground and punches him in the face. he’s not a violent person but when he didn’t want to engage in throwing jungkook’s sketchbook around the class, silently handing him over when it got thrown his way, seungho had said “do you like this freak? do you want to kiss him?” and everyone laughed so he had no choice but to punch jungkook, getting his ear injured in the process.
namjoon likes jungkook but as a friend. he can’t like him more than friends or hold hands because he’s a boy. the thought is simply outrageous.
later, he apologizes, sick to his stomach “i’m sorry for today.”
jungkook beams his usual smile at him “that’s okay. i’m sorry for today too.”
the guilt subsides a little. they bury a dead cat that day. “if we leave it like that it won’t be reborn.” so they burn it into ashes near their place.
being with jungkook is happiness. he feels the happiest when he’s with him and likes that they play together. if he will be reborn, he’d like to be jungkook’s friend again. however, the happiness doesn’t last long.
jungkook falls down when running. while wrapping a bandage around his ankle, the boy tells him he’ll be moving soon. “i’m going to change schools. i’m going to live with my halmeoni.”
it feels like his world’s coming to an end all of a sudden at jungkook’s words. a confession. he doesn’t know why jungkook would want to move away when he has him, his best friend to a place with strangers. and he doesn’t look sad about it, about leaving him and the school and this place as well. if he moves away, they won’t get to talk again because being on the phone is just not the same. they won’t get to eat together after school, go on bike rides or play train. namjoon’s heart hurts, his fingers going cold. he feels anger bubbling up in his chest. “so your appa’s finally abandoning you to dump you over to halmeoni. it’s funny.”
he wants jungkook to get mad as well but it’s too cruel the words he uttered, he realises a bit too late. however, the boy simply nods, face straight “yeah” he doesn’t look sad.
namjoon tries to undo the damage “i only said it to make you laugh.”
“it’s okay. i’m not mad.” jungkook admits. he doesn’t look a bit mad.
he stands up and sits beside him, hands holding onto the boy’s t-shirt while he leans into his space. it’s too close. namjoon is filled with sadness “i don’t want you to go away.” he admits. he can’t imagine what he would do without him. for the first time, namjoon stops trying to run away and looks into his eyes, at his face, the boy’s chubby cheeks and his smile which resembles a bunny. it hurts but it feels something more than that as well. they bask in silence for a moment, too close, the closest namjoon has ever let jungkook.
jungkook leans forward and hugs him.
it feels great, his arms around namjoon’s neck. his heart’s too loud and strong and a little breathless, stomach twisting and turning weirdly. he knows the feeling. and he knows it’s wrong. but jungkook feels so close and warm, their cheeks touching “namjoon..” he whispers.
it dawns on him. why he doesn’t him to go away. he can’t lose him but he knows it’s wrong. he likes jungkook and likes the way he hugs him. namjoon pushes away jungkook “get away!” he yells “get away from me.”
“it’s okay.” jungkook tries to reassure, approaching closer as he stands up and scrambles away from the boy “it happens to me too sometimes. it’s okay.”
but it’s not. they’re two boys. he pushes jungkook away rather harshly and the boy falls with a thud, wincing. it must hurt, he realises, turning back to help him up but doesn’t move. namjoon is really a monster. so he runs away.
guilt eats him up every minute he’s way. if he feels a certain way why does jungkook have to be punished. it’s not technical but maybe he’s getting sick as well. he has a pig’s brain as well. during the dinner time, namjoon returns but it’s empty. his heart feels heavy but he forgets it all the moment he texts jungkook to let him knows he’s there roams around, waving his flashlight.
jungkook comes. of course he does. the boy to never hold grudges, get mad or upset waves his flashlight from the train comparment when namjoon’s in the tunnel. “who’s the monster?” he sings to let jungkook know it’s him and smiles wide when the boy sings back. he’s glad jungkook is not mad at him. “who’s the mo-“ he sings again.
but another voice, not him or jungkook, cut him off “namjoon!” his mother yells. it’s ten pm. she hugs him as soon as he sees him but from the corner of his eye, jungkook turns off his flashlight and disappears in the other side of tunnel. the realisation finally sinks into him when his mother talks to him in the car about having a family. “you’ll be really happy when you will have a family of your own. your wife and kids.” that’s what he’s supposed to do when he’s get older.
but namjoon’s future is bleak. he’s doomed for sadness because liking boys doesn’t give anyone happiness. if family’s the only way to have happiness, he can never have it. he cannot be likes his dad. so he does the only thing he can in the moment.
namjoon opens the car door and jumps. his mother screeches in horror, pressing the brakes immediately.
thankfully, he doesn’t get any major injuries. “my brain was switched with a pig’s brain.” he admits. he’s like jungkook now. she doesn’t seem to understand him, reassuring him that it’s not possible, showing him the ct scans. nothing feels right.
his older cousin visits him, wishing him a speedy recovery “your mom looks like a ticking bomb. she’s going to explode with worry.” seokjin laughs. he’s never serious “why did you jump from a moving car anyway.”
while namjoon cannot reveal the exact details, a vague explanation will do. his chest hurts a lot so might as well get the weight off it. “i like someone.” he admits for the first time, feeling how freeing it is to admit the thing that’s been eating away at him. namjoon cannot believe he said it out loud “i cannot tell anyone i like.. i cannot be happy because of it.”
seokjin who cracks jokes all the time lends him ear and words that calm the storm inside him. “if only some people can have it, then it’s not happiness. everyone can be happy despite who they like.”
so namjoon ponders for the next few days. what seokjin said must be true because when has he not felt happy with jungkook? it doesn’t feel like he’s sick. unlike the ugly feeling he gets when he’s down with a fever, being with jeon jungkook is euphoric. they play games, draw, eat and laugh and if that’s what namjoon’s future is, then he has no problem being this way. when the revelation comes, he takes his bike and rides down to jungkook’s house.
namjoon knocks down on his door, breathless from pedalling too fast. “i lik-“ usually, jungkook’s alone because his father is out drinking alcohol at the hostess club but when the door opens, it’s jungkook with his father. he stops.
“tell him.” jungkook’s appa says, pushing the boy to the front.
the boy smiles, his teeth peeking out “i’m cured of my sickness now. i’m sorry i’m worried you but i’m all fine.”
“cured of what?” namjoon asks.
“my sickness.” jungkook reminds him. he does it all the time yet namjoon forgets. “i’m normal now.”
he knows when he says it, it’s true “you were always normal.”
jungkook’s appa puts his hand on his son’s shoulder “there’s a girl you like near halmeoni’s house, right?” he nods “she’s pretty. her name is yang nari.”
namjoon’s heart shatters. he tries to keep a straight face but there’s so much he has to say. after all the time they’ve spent together, it can’t be a lie. jungkook’s appa seems to be in a hurry, cutting off whatever the boy has to say and says “thank you for playing with him.”
“thank you.” jungkook repeats.
then the door closes before namjoon has time to say anything else. he walks back to his bicycle with a heavy heart. if jungkook likes a girl, it’s probably for the good right? but what about them?
the door opens once more. jungkook yells from the doorstep “i lied.”
when the door closes this time, it’s his father who picks him up, pulling the boy back into the house as he tries to run away. a loud thud echoes from the house, sounds of crying and pleading following. he rushes towards the door, banging it again and again but no one opens. he hears with bated breath how jungkook’s father yells at the boy to stay still “i told you not to say it!” while jungkook cries “hurts. please stop.”
jungkook doesn’t come to school the next day or the day after. a thunderstorm warning gets issued so the school closes for the next days. in the evening, he helps his mother prepare for the incoming disaster, wrapping cardboard around glasses so they don’t break but the thought of jungkook never leaves his mind. his heart goes cold at the memories of the night, jungkook’s pleading voice, and the sound of his father hitting the boy. he makes a decision.
putting on his raincoat, he runs towards jungkook’s house the next morning. during the day his father’s not home but it’s not safe to knock on the door. he climbs in through the back window, the one jungkook showed up is open at all times, and removes his wet boots. the silence in bone-chilling. there’s no one in the house it seems. still, he yells “jungkook! jungkook!”
he checks room after room. a wince, barely audible, coming from the bathroom catches his attention. he holds his breath as he walks toward it. the door to the bathroom is already open. and inside the bathtub likes jungkook, unresponsive. water’s filled to his neck and namjoon grows breathless. he’s in the same clothes from two days ago with the addition of bruises on his face, hands and legs. some look fresh while others are already blue.
he wants to cry. for all the time he’s known, namjoon has never seen him like this, not smiling. all the time, he can rely on his smile but now, he has to be the one jungkook can rely on. “jungkook it’s me.” he says. no one responds “let’s go. you don’t have to stay here anymore.”
with socks on, namjoon climbs into the bathtub and arms around his body, pulls jungkook out. it’s a lot of effort but he manages, both of them lying on the floor, wet. with his hands around jungkook’s bruised body, he tries to be as warm as he can because the boy is cold. a minute passes. jungkook’s chest shakes against his, body wrecking with sobs. he’s never seen him cry. “it’s okay” he softly whispers “i’m here. you’re safe now.”
jungkook sobs loudly “thank.. you for s..aving me.”
he puts bandages on the boy’s bruises and jungkook changes into new clothes, dry and warm. “let’s talk when we are at our secret place. there’s not much time before the thunderstorm.” namjoon tells him. they pack clothes, food and toys into two big bags. it’s enough to last at least a few days until the storm is over.
it’s easy to sneak out without anyone noticing because people tend to stay safe inside their homes during storms. but how can jungkook when there’s a monster lurking? the grey clouds loom over them but before it can rain, they make it past the tunnel. when the rain comes, it will get filled with water. inside the compartment, it’s warmer. they talk and eat a lot. “i was worried when you didn’t come to the class.” namjoon admits “your appa’s a monster.”
jungkook doesn’t say anything, chewing the orange. namjoon continues “you’re not sick. and..neither i am. we can be happy.”
“what if your mother found you with me?” he asks “our secret-“
“it’s okay if she does. i’m not afraid anymore. and this is our secret right? she will never.”
it’s easy to think like that, to forget about the worries of the future and just the two of them here, in their safe place eating what they like is the best thing. when the storm clears, jungkook’s back to his happy cheerful self. they find the exit to another tunnel. it opens into a green field. the leaves are still wet but namjoon and jungkook run free.
“i like you jeon jungkook.” he yells, hands held up high in the air. there’s no one to hear them, no one to hide from. no more secrets to keep.
jungkook laughs, running behind him “do you think we’re reborn?”